Depression, OCD, and whatever else ails you between the ears

[UpperWestside 6163]

2 hours ago, Spider2YBanana said:

I decided to venture past the sports part and saw this. I actually suffer from OCD (legit OCD) and I was wondering if anyone else suffers the same? Mine is numbers and having to turn shit on and off repeatedly until it "feels right". I've suffered since my childhood and nothing works. No medication, etc. It causes me to have chronic insomnia, worrying constantly, obsessing over death, and really just a myriad of other shit that's too much to type. My BIL just passed away on Tues from COVID at the age of 40, and I feel like I'm falling apart mentally. Sorry for laying this shit on you guys. 

You came to the right place and I am very sorry to hear about what has happened. Process this how you feel is best and if part of it involves sharing more here then do it and know you are not burdening anyone here. There are plenty of good listeners here that will read anything you write. The more you let out here or elsewhere the less burdened you will feel in what is an extremely emotional time in your life. 

[Parliament 14257]

7 hours ago, Spider2YBanana said:

I decided to venture past the sports part and saw this. I actually suffer from OCD (legit OCD) and I was wondering if anyone else suffers the same? Mine is numbers and having to turn shit on and off repeatedly until it "feels right". I've suffered since my childhood and nothing works. No medication, etc. It causes me to have chronic insomnia, worrying constantly, obsessing over death, and really just a myriad of other shit that's too much to type. My BIL just passed away on Tues from COVID at the age of 40, and I feel like I'm falling apart mentally. Sorry for laying this shit on you guys. 

You came to the right place.  We're all at least a little bit screwed up here.

[Parliament 14257]

delete

 

Edited September 19, 2021 by Parliament

[Parliament 14257]

delete

Edited September 19, 2021 by Parliament

[ROFL BOX 6649]

@Spider2YBanana, when I was little (up until maybe age 12 or so), ...example here... if i was to drop something on the floor & saw the route that it bounced or fell, I would have to return it back in reverse for the same route it went down.  Example:  bump a piece of paper & it rolled through one chair leg.  I couldn't just pick it up, I had to send it back on the exact same way it went down.

You're not alone.

[XYZ 2154]

20 hours ago, Spider2YBanana said:

I decided to venture past the sports part and saw this. I actually suffer from OCD (legit OCD) and I was wondering if anyone else suffers the same? Mine is numbers and having to turn shit on and off repeatedly until it "feels right". I've suffered since my childhood and nothing works. No medication, etc. It causes me to have chronic insomnia, worrying constantly, obsessing over death, and really just a myriad of other shit that's too much to type. My BIL just passed away on Tues from COVID at the age of 40, and I feel like I'm falling apart mentally. Sorry for laying this shit on you guys. 

I think that buddhism and mindfulness meditation might help you. The idea is that by cultivating mindfulness we don’t somehow get rid of our defects or undesirable traits (such as excessive anxiety) but that we develop the ability to listen and observe and stay “present” without getting carried away by the currents of our thoughts. So after many hours of practice, the voice inside that screams “you didn’t flip the switch the correct number of times you moron, now the world is going to end” is still there, but we are more able to instead of being swallowed up by it, to say “yes, I hear you, thanks for your input”. Anyway, that’s the basic idea, I think. If you are curious about buddhism, there’s a podcast I like a lot called “Secular Buddhism”. It starts with the very basics and builds from there. For mindfulness practice I like the app “Headspace”.

[tigol 2395]

This exercise always helps me:

 

[Funk Doctor Spock 12190]

1 hour ago, XYZ said:

I think that buddhism and mindfulness meditation might help you. The idea is that by cultivating mindfulness we don’t somehow get rid of our defects or undesirable traits (such as excessive anxiety) but that we develop the ability to listen and observe and stay “present” without getting carried away by the currents of our thoughts. So after many hours of practice, the voice inside that screams “you didn’t flip the switch the correct number of times you moron, now the world is going to end” is still there, but we are more able to instead of being swallowed up by it, to say “yes, I hear you, thanks for your input”. Anyway, that’s the basic idea, I think. If you are curious about buddhism, there’s a podcast I like a lot called “Secular Buddhism”. It starts with the very basics and builds from there. For mindfulness practice I like the app “Headspace”.

You know, I hadn't responded to folks because I wasn't sure what to say, tbh. It was hard af to admit to strangers that I suffer from this illness. But, I read what you wrote, and then though I am an atheist I do lean towards Buddhism. I love their philosophy and what they're about.

I try and meditate to drown out the constant noise of do this or that and the world won't end, I just can't seem to find that happy medium. I didn't even realize what I was suffering from had a name until I was watching a late night show and I believe Conan asked an actor about his suffering, and he explained that if he doesn't put his socks on correctly or until it "feels right" that the world will end in his head, and I've never related to something more than that. I literally have to have my wife turn off lights, shut the fridge door, and just really stupid stuff, but my mind just can't accept that, so I will literally obsess over it until it feels right, even if it takes an hour, and believe me, I've quite literally had to shut a fridge door for over 45 mins before and I don't even have words for how that made me feel. I'm just at a loss here. 

 

I actually went looking for a thread outside of sports to talk about my BIL passing the other day and came across this thread hoping someone else understands. I'm on a few on Facebook and it makes me sad that others suffer, too. No one deserves this. 

[XYZ 2154]

29 minutes ago, Spider2YBanana said:

You know, I hadn't responded to folks because I wasn't sure what to say, tbh. It was hard af to admit to strangers that I suffer from this illness. But, I read what you wrote, and then though I am an atheist I do lean towards Buddhism. I love their philosophy and what they're about.

I try and meditate to drown out the constant noise of do this or that and the world won't end, I just can't seem to find that happy medium. I didn't even realize what I was suffering from had a name until I was watching a late night show and I believe Conan asked an actor about his suffering, and he explained that if he doesn't put his socks on correctly or until it "feels right" that the world will end in his head, and I've never related to something more than that. I literally have to have my wife turn off lights, shut the fridge door, and just really stupid stuff, but my mind just can't accept that, so I will literally obsess over it until it feels right, even if it takes an hour, and believe me, I've quite literally had to shut a fridge door for over 45 mins before and I don't even have words for how that made me feel. I'm just at a loss here. 

 

I actually went looking for a thread outside of sports to talk about my BIL passing the other day and came across this thread hoping someone else understands. I'm on a few on Facebook and it makes me sad that others suffer, too. No one deserves this. 

Keep at it, dude. Like some zen master said: “keep going”. I’m sending you good vibes.

[Bogeywon 2519]

Well taking my friend to a hotel tonight so he can check into rehab. He has mental health and anger issues because of something that happened to him when he was younger. He is a alcoholic and needs help and it’s his last shot with his wife. Just trying to be there for him. He wants me to check in with his wife and I’m getting the feeling that he thinks I can repair the marriage. Anyway I told him I’m not a therapist but am feeling a lot of pressure to keep shit on the rails. Also I’m still checking in with our friend that just lost his dad to suicide. Lots happening but I’m in a good place so im all right 

[Sandman 3403]

4 hours ago, Spider2YBanana said:

I actually went looking for a thread outside of sports to talk about my BIL passing the other day and came across this thread hoping someone else understands. I'm on a few on Facebook and it makes me sad that others suffer, too. No one deserves this. 

My BIL passed in January, it was rough. Cardiac arrest at 57. I'm pulling for you, man.

I never had offical OCD but I have had some minor OCD-type issues. The biggest was "Did I close the garage door before I left?". Had to turn around many times to check. Now I make a mental checklist when I leave: wallet, keys, phone, lunch; then back out the truck, fold out the mirrors, close the garage. Works like s charm (knock on wood).

[burntorangebongos 10710]

If taking meds for you illness does help you obsess less, then can't you ask your doctor if taking a pot gummy for sleep be okay for you? The pot gummys will put you out like a light switch if you put your head on a pillow and lay still for a minute. Maybe it would work if you took the OCD meds??? That would bring you to coping just right, Spider2YBanana. 

[UpperWestside 6163]

15 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

@Spider2YBanana, when I was little (up until maybe age 12 or so), ...example here... if i was to drop something on the floor & saw the route that it bounced or fell, I would have to return it back in reverse for the same route it went down.  Example:  bump a piece of paper & it rolled through one chair leg.  I couldn't just pick it up, I had to send it back on the exact same way it went down.

You're not alone.

I identify with this as well although I am better about it as an adult. I had no idea why I did it as a child, but now that I know it is part of being autistic (not for everyone, but just my own reason why) it makes sense why I did this as a kid. My brother even remembered specific examples of me doing things like what you mentioned when we were kids. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

On 9/18/2021 at 1:31 PM, Spider2YBanana said:

I actually suffer from OCD (legit OCD) and I was wondering if anyone else suffers the same?

My son does. It's so tough to watch at times. Meds help, but there are quite a few triggers.

[Funk Doctor Spock 12190]

7 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

My son does. It's so tough to watch at times. Meds help, but there are quite a few triggers.

Damn man, I'm sorry to hear that. I wish more people really understood the toll it takes on the suffering. There were times I almost dropped out of college because I just couldn't function. I literally work my entire life around it. 

[Funk Doctor Spock 12190]

On 9/19/2021 at 4:22 PM, Sandman said:

My BIL passed in January, it was rough. Cardiac arrest at 57. I'm pulling for you, man.

I never had offical OCD but I have had some minor OCD-type issues. The biggest was "Did I close the garage door before I left?". Had to turn around many times to check. Now I make a mental checklist when I leave: wallet, keys, phone, lunch; then back out the truck, fold out the mirrors, close the garage. Works like s charm (knock on wood).

I'm sorry for your loss, I really am. I've lost my dad, my best fur baby, and now my BIL in a year, and then dealing with my OCD really feels like I can't take much more. My fur buddy was the only one that made things better, and now that he's not here I'm slipping into depression. My wife tries so hard, but unfortunately she can't do anything other than close/open some doors and lights. 

[Lidig8r 1871]

So, I have a dear friend who I helped start, "Camp Wonderment."

I can't or won't adequately describe it in words ... but look at what he just did in San Diego for children with limb differences.

We are already talking with a number of corporations, organizations and law firm foundations to do the next one in Dallas in the next 6 months.

 

[MissingInAction 25048]

Ordered a single player board game and its just now hitting me how fucking sad and pathetic that is.

[HRSchenker 2268]

10 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

Ordered a single player board game and its just now hitting me how fucking sad and pathetic that is.

No different from people who download solitaire on their phone. All about perspective!

[MissingInAction 25048]

1 hour ago, HRSchenker said:

No different from people who download solitaire on their phone. All about perspective!

Good point. Thanks 

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

1 hour ago, MissingInAction said:

Ordered a single player board game and its just now hitting me how fucking sad and pathetic that is.

 

1 hour ago, HRSchenker said:

No different from people who download solitaire on their phone. All about perspective!

Jigsaw puzzles are my jam, sometimes alone sometimes with family.

 

@Spider2YBanana I am very sorry for what you are going through. Grief and stress definitely are triggers for 'worry thoughts.' I cannot recall where we first heard or read that phrase, but it does seem apt for the obsession part of obsession compulsion disorder. One of my children was clinically diagnosed at age eight.

Please hang in there. You are not alone and if it helps at all, we used to use Mr. Slinger's mantra from  childrens' book author, Kevin Henkes' wonderful story: Lilly and the Purple Plastic Purse--"Today was a difficult day, tomorrow will be better."

 

[Funk Doctor Spock 12190]

2 hours ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

 

Jigsaw puzzles are my jam, sometimes alone sometimes with family.

 

@Spider2YBanana I am very sorry for what you are going through. Grief and stress definitely are triggers for 'worry thoughts.' I cannot recall where we first heard or read that phrase, but it does seem apt for the obsession part of obsession compulsion disorder. One of my children was clinically diagnosed at age eight.

Please hang in there. You are not alone and if it helps at all, we used to use Mr. Slinger's mantra from  childrens' book author, Kevin Henkes' wonderful story: Lilly and the Purple Plastic Purse--"Today was a difficult day, tomorrow will be better."

 

I really appreciate that, you have no idea. At this point I'm willing to try anything, so I think I'll check that out just to see if I can get some kind of relief. 

[YChang 3443]

Ordered a single player board game and its just now hitting me how fucking sad and pathetic that is.

Fun is fun right?

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

18 minutes ago, Spider2YBanana said:

I really appreciate that, you have no idea. At this point I'm willing to try anything, so I think I'll check that out just to see if I can get some kind of relief. 

It's a picture book and if you have a library card, most libraries have it. But it's popular so...

It's really really hard to place the obsessive thoughts in a mental trash can--to picture yourself doing that each and every time it happens. Our child feared something 'bad' would happen--to one of us, or even as a high schooler--that a tiger was going to crash through the bedroom window at night. The obsession does not have to make sense to 'feel' real, that's for sure. And as a parent, I couldn't exactly say, 'stop thinking that,' or 'that isn't going to happen' because it does not matter. It just doesn't. Not to the brain of someone with OCD. But, when our child could "tell" the brain, 'hey! that's just one of those chemical malfunctions and it goes in the trash' and try very very hard NOT to spin, or flip the light switch, or erase the math answer or whichever the compulsion was for that day or week or month, it got easier and a little better. Some days, not so much. But if one day was difficult, sometimes the next day was better and that is worth celebrating each and every time it happens. Hang in there.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

6 hours ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

 Our child feared something 'bad' would happen--to one of us, or even as a high schooler--that a tiger was going to crash through the bedroom window at night. The obsession does not have to make sense to 'feel' real, that's for sure.

 

...when our child could "tell" the brain, 'hey! that's just one of those chemical malfunctions and it goes in the trash'

When I was around probably 9, maybe 10 years old I recall a few times when I thought about the mental image of "What if I just got up in class, screamed really loud & then ran out of the room like my head was on fire?"

I never followed through & I never really had any idea what prompted that visual to run through my head.

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

7 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

When I was around probably 9, maybe 10 years old I recall a few times when I thought about the mental image of "What if I just got up in class, screamed really loud & then ran out of the room like my head was on fire?"

I never followed through & I never really had any idea what prompted that visual to run through my head.

I used to tell the children the brain is the final frontier in medicine. No idea if that's true in a scientific way, as I have no medical background, but the human mind is a bewildering and frustrating array of complex systems to a layperson such as myself. It's why I find myself in the CR so much--people who exploit human behavior and thinking for their own political purposes are not nice people.

But yes, isn't it fascinating--what prompted that thought in your nine year old head and why did it stick around in your memory?

 

With respect to our child, in hindsight, the indicators were likely there earlier but we didn't know--most parents don't know a lot about OCD, other than the toss off phrase folks use when they say something about 'oh, I'm OCD about my closet organization', or something like that. It's estimated something like 1 in 200 in the population IIRC, and so in our local elementary school campus that would make only 3 or 4 students in a group of about 600 students K-4. We unknowingly introduced a stressor: we moved from one state to another for work and then shortly after moving, our child had two grandparents diagnosed with cancer, one who died within a month after diagnosis. The age of the diagnosis was not all that uncommon--it's been awhile since I read all that I could about it so please excuse if I make errors with that. OCD occurs on a spectrum (of severity and even that waxes and wanes) and often has co-morbidities. Tourette's is not uncommon or anxiety issues, depression, eating disorders, etc.

We found through a series of unfortunate sessions, the most useful occasion was the doctor who pointed out that it is no different than any other diagnosis in the sense that if one can adapt and perform every day functional tasks (being able to wake up, shower, hold a job, etc) then OCD didn't have to be a big deal. While that was in essence kind of a 'duh' moment of eye-rolling awareness and a complete waste of our co-pay, it was not completely without merit as our rather smart child (I'm biased) went home very angry at this doctor. "Where is joy? Where is not having to get through the day with every single thought like a betrayal?" It was that anger that motivated our child. I don't know if that was healthy or not, but between that and the never ending cruelty of pre-teen classmates it put a rather large chip on the shoulder of a child who became determined to prove that OCD was not going to be the defining characteristic of personality and behavior. We did our best to channel that emotion in a positive way and unwittingly stumbled across some coping skills and I could not be prouder of the young adult this child has become. A lot of tears, a lot of ignorant comments by people, and a lot of effort that I am positive I have no idea of just how difficult it was to undergo, but here we are--each day a new day, a new discovery, and a chance to make the world a better place.

As a society, we speak a lot about the importance of mental health, but we really do not seem to value it per se and it's a pretty sad state of affairs.

 

Edited September 25, 2021 by Mrs Whiggins

[MissingInAction 25048]

14 hours ago, YChang said:

Fun is fun right?

You are absolutely right. Just another time when I choose to beat myself down for no reason. After effects of all the emotional abuse of a parent over the years. A parent whose mission it seemed to make me feel worthless and stupid for every decision I'd make for myself. 

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

8 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

You are absolutely right. Just another time when I choose to beat myself down for no reason. After effects of all the emotional abuse of a parent over the years. A parent whose mission it seemed to make me feel worthless and stupid for every decision I'd make for myself. 

You are the captain of your ship--fair seas and skies ahead! Enjoy the feeling of fresh air on your face and your new game. If you find you like it, be sure and tell us about it, I'm always up to learn something new.

[MissingInAction 25048]

25 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

You are the captain of your ship--fair seas and skies ahead! Enjoy the feeling of fresh air on your face and your new game. If you find you like it, be sure and tell us about it, I'm always up to learn something new.

This War of Mine: board game

https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/188920/war-mine-board-game

Adapted from an award winning video game about survival in the midst of a war. 

I could have bought the video game but I've been looking for anything to take me away from a glowing screen. Can only take the dog on so many walks.

[YChang 3443]

3 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

This War of Mine: board game

https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/188920/war-mine-board-game

Adapted from an award winning video game about survival in the midst of a war. 

I could have bought the video game but I've been looking for anything to take me away from a glowing screen. Can only take the dog on so many walks.

I dunno if you’ve played the digital version, but that is a phenomenal game… and freaking hard!

Edited September 25, 2021 by YChang

[ROFL BOX 6649]

Found out yesterday my 1st wife's father has some type of cancer & neuropathy has damaged his legs to where this coming week, he is having a "Bilat BKA".

Bilateral knee amputation. Both legs, below the knee.

This is horrible news.

I was called by his Granddaughter, Jamie's niece. Only around 7 months ago did I regain some contact with Jim (former FiL) & got his # from the niece.

Facebook got me his profile, found hers while looking to see what the rest of the family was up to & she has her own dog grooming business that has a phone #.

Had conversations with the niece 3 or 4× in the past ~½ year (she has asked me for advice on a few things, is in her... um... mid to early 30's?) & it was nice to get info on what they were all up to (many changes).

Back to Jim... he is the nicest man you could ever meet; if you ever met Don Walser ("the Pavarotti of the Plains"), Jim is like Don, an all around great guy, but without the guitar. In the probably 3½ years I was part of their family, I have actually spent more time with him than my own Dad (who passed 3+ years ago). From the say he met me as her boyfriend, Jim took me in like I was his own child & never looked back.

After Jamie passed in '97, they stayed in Austin until Jim retired... ¿I think that was 2001? 02?

Moved to North Mississippi to be closer to one of the other daughters & then around 3 years ago moved again to the Raliegh, North Carolina area where another daughter is (2 other girls total, w/ their resultant kids).

Anyway.

Devastating news.

I had to talk about it with /someone/, so here we are

With my wife, I try not to discuss too much about that bunch because it has been a long time, now married 18+ years, we have 2 kids, etc. & I don't want my wife to think I am dwelling on the priors, etc.

¿Next topic?

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[ROFL BOX 6649]

$ 15,000 may or may not be accurate, however the notion of "Dont let the pursuit of perfect be the enemy of good" still applies.

& I have to tell that to myself constantly.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[UpperWestside 6163]

Yesterday I presented a limerick to the class during ELA. I don’t think any of them had ever heard of this style of poem before. I wrote my own example of a limerick on the worksheet. I had some really interesting submissions which was awesome to see for a first try at it. 
 

One student, who read the directions literally copied my exact poem because I said to use the example to see how to write a limerick. Stuff like that actually makes the day enjoyable and reminds me how differently kids see and read things at times. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Awesome. How is that Man from Nantucket doing these days?

[ROFL BOX 6649]

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[UpperWestside 6163]

1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Awesome. How is that Man from Nantucket doing these days?

Ha. I thought about using that one, but these kids would look at me cross-eyes. I made up one that started out talking about the Heights and some of them followed it really well because it was more recognizable to them using the neighborhood.

[UpperWestside 6163]

8 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Man those moments seem to resonate the longest with most of us. Sometimes you almost feel like you couldn’t help what you did.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

1 hour ago, UpperWestside said:

Man those moments seem to resonate the longest with most of us. Sometimes you almost feel like you couldn’t help what you did.

Like the meme, some times it just tastes sooooo good, doesn't it?

[ROFL BOX 6649]

[ROFL BOX 6649]

[Lidig8r 1871]

Well, the Texas - Ou game this year could provide a bit of healing for me ...

https://adadsjourneywitheatingdisorders.home.blog/2021/10/06/ashes-texas-football-memories/

[ROFL BOX 6649]

[ROFL BOX 6649]

Today is one of those days.

 

[ROFL BOX 6649]

[UpperWestside 6163]

I briefly perused some of the comments post Texas-OU and man there are some folks who are letting that game cause them an inordinate amount of stress and anger. I fully realize how much emotion people invest in this game, but the outpouring of anger like that is not healthy. I was like that when I was younger with my favorite teams, especially with the NBA. I am sure many of us have had similar reactions at some point to what I read. I just hope folks find a good outlet or perhaps a person they can just vent to about the loss. 

[XYZ 2154]

So a friend of mine went to sleep one night and woke up in the middle of the night with two guys pointing guns at him. They tied him up and lucky for him they didn’t beat the shit out of him or shot him dead. And they robbed him of a lot of money. He’s now suffering PTSD or depression or something. What do you say to something like that? How do you “friend” somebody who’s gone through that? A year ago some bad shit happened at my house, but it was one order of magnitude less fucked up than waking up to robbers pointing guns at you. And since my shit happened I’ve felt like I wanted to sell my house and move somewhere else. I would imagine that my friend probably feels like that but worse. I can’t even imagine.

[TwiceHorn 31452]

15 minutes ago, XYZ said:

So a friend of mine went to sleep one night and woke up in the middle of the night with two guys pointing guns at him. They tied him up and lucky for him they didn’t beat the shit out of him or shot him dead. And they robbed him of a lot of money. He’s now suffering PTSD or depression or something. What do you say to something like that? How do you “friend” somebody who’s gone through that? A year ago some bad shit happened at my house, but it was one order of magnitude less fucked up than waking up to robbers pointing guns at you. And since my shit happened I’ve felt like I wanted to sell my house and move somewhere else. I would imagine that my friend probably feels like that but worse. I can’t even imagine.

It is PTSD.  Therapy really is the answer.  There aren't (m)any others.

[XYZ 2154]

22 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

It is PTSD.  Therapy really is the answer.  There aren't (m)any others.

So a talk therapist would probably be a better idea than a psychiatrist?

[YChang 3443]

So a talk therapist would probably be a better idea than a psychiatrist?

Broad brush but… Psychiatrist by training will go medication first to treat the person. They see it as an illness. A psychologist instead wants to help the person understand why/how of the problem.

Your friend likely can benefit with both.

[UpperWestside 6163]

Today I was so incredibly proud of my class. We had an incident during lunch so I brought them inside and instead of doing more math and reading I let the young lady who was the most upset get up and talk. I wish y’all could have heard her speak. It was amazing to hear her speak about respect and being bullied. I did not prompt or ask anyone to write this on the board. A few were behind me while we were talking for an hour and a half and they wrote their thoughts down. This is quite the group of emotionally aware 4th graders in Washington Heights.