Depression, OCD, and whatever else ails you between the ears

[Lidig8r 1872]

Well hell ...

This weekend was particularly rough with the horrors of Allen and Brownsville bringing home the message of how fragile, and sacred life can be. And when a life is extinguished, all they were, all they are and all they could have been ... leave our existence. The scars left on so many families will never go away. How precious life truly can be ... and is.

And then to think of how some doctors take life for granted. How they are so willing to prescribe drugs which extinguish life... 

Now, I am not against all Physician Assisted Suicide.  By God, if I end up with pancreatic cancer, or a brain tumor, or a medical illness that will surely take my life ... then, by all means. If that happens to me, I have already made plans to fly to St. Maarten, buy an inexpensive sail boat, buy about 3 cases of champagne, 2 pounds of blow, say good bye to my loved ones and then... go sailing off until my heart explodes.

But, not for all conditions. Not for mental health conditions.

On April 25, a case was filed in federal court in Los Angeles. It challenges California's Right to Die Statute. In essence, it alleges that the statute violates the due process and equal protection clauses because of the well known bias in the medical community against people who are disabled... or poor or minorities. And boys... it has legs. I have communicated with the lead attorneys. They referred one of the nation's largest anti Physician Assisted Suicide organizations to me and I have spoken with them.

An article is coming out in the Washington Post about this idiot doctor who came up with her own, Protocol of Death for anorexia. I have had numerous talks with her. And I am figuratively hunting that idiot doctor in Colorado.... being rejected by 25 medical schools, an internist who admits she doesn't know the in depth aspects of the psychological aspects of mental health... Jesus. But, to have a doctor so willingly prescribe death ... is nothing short of reprehensible.

In any event, just needed to vent a bit.

I have the Texas Medical Board after the doctor in Colorado (she has a license in Texas as well). The press. And she knows I am hunting her. She retained an attorney who had the audacity to write: "Let me begin by saying that Dr. Gaudiani and I both understand the overwhelming and lasting grief you must feel from the loss of your daughter to anorexia nervosa.”

No, you idiot ... you don't.

So gentlemen (and if any ladies read this)... I will end this rant like I usually do by saying, "Give your children a hug every day ... look them in the eyes and tell the you love them.  That is the most powerful thing you can do!
 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Good for you, brother. Make them understand.

[cactusflinthead 27598]

I don't know if I can get the hang of origami, but I can rake gravel in the garden. Tea sounds good too.

[Nicole44 22059]

I am having a hard time right now. My uncle Mike passed away unexpectedly last night. He was a surrogate father to me and my brother since my dad passed away in 2005. In recent years, his wife (my mom’s sister) was diagnosed with dementia. That was in 2018. She is now in an Alzheimer’s home. I feel like I fucked up last night. My uncle lives near Houston. He lived by himself but his daughters and family were nearby. He wore an Apple Watch…if his heart stopped beating his daughters would get an alert. One of his daughters called me last night saying the alert had gone off and they tried calling him and when he did not pick up called the paramedics. It took 28 minutes for my cousin and her sister to drive to his house and the paramedics were just standing outside even though she’d told them to break the door down. I feel so shit ass for not doing something more like insisting or calling. He was the best friend to me and my brother and now he is gone. And the whole time I’m on the phone with my cousin as she is driving trying to be calm and so she wouldn’t get in an accident. He was the best friend my mom had these last few years after my aunt (my mom’s sister was diagnosed first with dementia and then developed Alzheimer’s) this is harder for me than when my dad died. I’m having a huge time coping. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

I'm sorry for your loss, Nicole. Don't be too hard on yourself. When it's our time, it's our time.

[TwiceHorn 31457]

On 5/3/2023 at 2:17 PM, Grade of D as in David said:

I've not taken Xanax. I tried Zoloft 2 different times and it didn't work for me. I am taking Lexapro now and it has been helpful as a mood stabilizer and anxiety relief.

I suggest trying them and if they don't work try something else until you get it right. 

Also therapy has been great for me. If you need a recommendation I'd be happy to send you one.

Id say they're not really comparable.  Xanax is a benzodiazepine, which is basically alcohol in a pill form.  It just dulls your response to anxiety provoking events.  And it's highly physically addictive, with a very unpleasant withdrawal.

Lexapro is an SSRI, like Prozac, Zoloft and several others.  The mechanism is a little uncertain now, but one of them may be effective for you for depression and anxiety.  It is more therapeutic than benzos like Xanax that basically just treat the symptoms.

Benzos are effective at treating anxiety symptoms, which poses two problems.  One is you take it while experiencing anxiety, so the relief is incomplete, or you take it all the time and become an addict, but rarely experience anxiety because you're low-level fucked up all the time.

SSRIs are not completely free of side effects and have some "withdrawals," as well, but generally aren't thought of as addictive.  For long-term treatment of anxiety, trying a "round" of SSRIs (trial and error to find an effective one) is probably worthwhile.

That said, I've taken neither.  I took Librium, another benzo, for alcohol withdrawal, for a few days, and took Zoloft (I think memory fades) for a year or two in early sobriety to take the edge off and found it to be reasonably effective.

[Lidig8r 1872]

14 hours ago, Nicole44 said:

I am having a hard time right now. My uncle Mike passed away unexpectedly last night. He was a surrogate father to me and my brother since my dad passed away in 2005. In recent years, his wife (my mom’s sister) was diagnosed with dementia. That was in 2018. She is now in an Alzheimer’s home. I feel like I fucked up last night. My uncle lives near Houston. He lived by himself but his daughters and family were nearby. He wore an Apple Watch…if his heart stopped beating his daughters would get an alert. One of his daughters called me last night saying the alert had gone off and they tried calling him and when he did not pick up called the paramedics. It took 28 minutes for my cousin and her sister to drive to his house and the paramedics were just standing outside even though she’d told them to break the door down. I feel so shit ass for not doing something more like insisting or calling. He was the best friend to me and my brother and now he is gone. And the whole time I’m on the phone with my cousin as she is driving trying to be calm and so she wouldn’t get in an accident. He was the best friend my mom had these last few years after my aunt (my mom’s sister was diagnosed first with dementia and then developed Alzheimer’s) this is harder for me than when my dad died. I’m having a huge time coping. 

At times like these, there are no great words of wisdom from others.

Sadness, sorrow, grief ... are so individualized. They are unique for each and every one of us.

Maybe at this time, because this sadness is so incredibly new, allow yourself to feel the sadness. But a sadness because a person you loved, a person who had such meaning for you, has transitioned on from our existence. Maybe realizing that that sadness is natural, it happens within us all and the fact that Uncle Mike is in a place so beyond our comprehension, is the cause of that sadness. NOT anything you did or did not do.

And I truly believe that realizing the true cause of your sadness, acknowledging it, knowing it is part of the human condition. This will allow you to have a greater understanding of the incredible impact he had in your life.

That sadness hurts right now. That is the way of life. But, from that pain and sorrow can eventually come love for a life well lived and the impact he had on you and your brother. It may not be time to celebrate his life. But it sounds like some of the best parts of your beloved Uncle Mike live on through you.

[troph 24788]

ugh. I'm tired of loss. I'm tired of being other. I don't feel like I belong in this world. I feel like there is another world where I fit in better, sadly that's a fairy tale or a world that has long been extinct. The toll the political environment takes on me is extensive, it's all in the background but it never stops. it never fucking stops.

I have an ex who is a complete asshole and as soon as I crossed over she went insane on me, not "I have needs too" that's understandable, she went complete grade A prime USDA asshole on me. she's spent the last 6 years trying to convince my kids I'm a worthless human, it's not working on two of them, it backfired on one of them altogether, but my oldest no longer lives with me because I kicked him out due to major behavioral problems - skipping school, lying, stealing, drugs, disrespect, etc.  She hates me so much, she enables really bad behavior and allows him to blame me for everything, well because she blames me for everything. 

I want to tell one of my (new) best friends I'm trans only so I'm known (he thinks I'm just a tomboy lesbian who likes trucks and fishing rods), but when I come out to anyone it's inevitable, that "explains everything".  I can't just be a cool chick the guys love to have around because she gets it. I mean I have old friends that made it across and they are easy, but they are few and far between. The vast majority of my life has been shattered to fucking pieces and yes I've rebuilt it but now into something beautiful and special but now I feel like I have this long term grief like everyone was killed in a car wreck but it's not just 3-4 people, it's hundreds. I can't look backward, there's almost nothing there. My childhood was wrecked and even now my father blames me for not doting on him yet he post the most hateful anti-LGBTQ and anti-trans shit you could ever imagine. I called my mom the other day to brag about something I accomplished professionally - first time I've tried to call my momma to brag on myself in probably a decade. She misgendered me and called me by my old name. I transitioned 8 fucking years ago. The loss and the grief is fucking staggering.

My list of regrets is stacking up, my old advice to myself of not living with regrets is failing miserably. I'm still in a go for it, you only live once mindset, but man people are so damn harsh and hateful.  The only place I feel really okay is on a river fishing with our dog. he lives in a world with no sex or gender for his humans, the river is uninterested in my existence (very comforting) and the fish only care about whether what I offer them looks like a tasty treat. the sun goes down, I get to be alone, I get to cry if I need to and then I go home in comfortable isolation. 

I feel like my only purpose on this earth is to give my two boys that are listening a fighting chance to be adults without the emotional sound of a chainsaw always in their head, to give them a chance to walk the earth without a deficit of love, support and attention. My time for wholeness and healing is over, it's gone, there is no chance that my life will be comforting or emotionally healthy. I will always be responding from a place of trauma and PTSD from a past of utter neglect, selfishness and destruction. I'm resigned to this, and it makes me want to just fucking cry for a day non-stop.

I'm not going to go out prematurely, don't worry, I've been here 10,000 times, really. it's just exhausting, the loss, the grief, the otherness, being attacked, being misunderstood, and not belonging anywhere because I don't fit neatly into someone's stupid construct.

Edited May 11, 2023 by troph

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

11 hours ago, troph said:

ugh. I'm tired of loss. I'm tired of being other. I don't feel like I belong in this world. I feel like there is another world where I fit in better, sadly that's a fairy tale or a world that has long been extinct. The toll the political environment takes on me is extensive, it's all in the background but it never stops. it never fucking stops.

I have an ex who is a complete asshole and as soon as I crossed over she went insane on me, not "I have needs too" that's understandable, she went complete grade A prime USDA asshole on me. she's spent the last 6 years trying to convince my kids I'm a worthless human, it's not working on two of them, it backfired on one of them altogether, but my oldest no longer lives with me because I kicked him out due to major behavioral problems - skipping school, lying, stealing, drugs, disrespect, etc.  She hates me so much, she enables really bad behavior and allows him to blame me for everything, well because she blames me for everything. 

I want to tell one of my (new) best friends I'm trans only so I'm known (he thinks I'm just a tomboy lesbian who likes trucks and fishing rods), but when I come out to anyone it's inevitable, that "explains everything".  I can't just be a cool chick the guys love to have around because she gets it. I mean I have old friends that made it across and they are easy, but they are few and far between. The vast majority of my life has been shattered to fucking pieces and yes I've rebuilt it but now into something beautiful and special but now I feel like I have this long term grief like everyone was killed in a car wreck but it's not just 3-4 people, it's hundreds. I can't look backward, there's almost nothing there. My childhood was wrecked and even now my father blames me for not doting on him yet he post the most hateful anti-LGBTQ and anti-trans shit you could ever imagine. I called my mom the other day to brag about something I accomplished professionally - first time I've tried to call my momma to brag on myself in probably a decade. She misgendered me and called me by my old name. I transitioned 8 fucking years ago. The loss and the grief is fucking staggering.

My list of regrets is stacking up, my old advice to myself of not living with regrets is failing miserably. I'm still in a go for it, you only live once mindset, but man people are so damn harsh and hateful.  The only place I feel really okay is on a river fishing with our dog. he lives in a world with no sex or gender for his humans, the river is uninterested in my existence (very comforting) and the fish only care about whether what I offer them looks like a tasty treat. the sun goes down, I get to be alone, I get to cry if I need to and then I go home in comfortable isolation. 

I feel like my only purpose on this earth is to give my two boys that are listening a fighting chance to be adults without the emotional sound of a chainsaw always in their head, to give them a chance to walk the earth without a deficit of love, support and attention. My time for wholeness and healing is over, it's gone, there is no chance that my life will be comforting or emotionally healthy. I will always be responding from a place of trauma and PTSD from a past of utter neglect, selfishness and destruction. I'm resigned to this, and it makes me want to just fucking cry for a day non-stop.

I'm not going to go out prematurely, don't worry, I've been here 10,000 times, really. it's just exhausting, the loss, the grief, the otherness, being attacked, being misunderstood, and not belonging anywhere because I don't fit neatly into someone's stupid construct.

Troph, you belong here. 

I can't imagine the constant stresses and anxiety you live with as well as the loss you have been forced to experience. It really helps put my own issues into perspective and help me realize that I'm fortunate in so many ways.

I hope for you, the pain fades with time. I also hope you find joy in your authentic self and the life you are making for yourself.

You are loved.

[troph 24788]

thank you. I had a hard breakdown last night, I'm feeling a little better this morning.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

28 minutes ago, troph said:

thank you. I had a hard breakdown last night, I'm feeling a little better this morning.

This world will kick your ass. Self care this weekend for you & yours!

[nbmishoid 949]

3 hours ago, troph said:

thank you. I had a hard breakdown last night, I'm feeling a little better this morning.

Great to hear

[Snake Diggity 4622]

On 5/2/2023 at 2:07 PM, closetohumping said:

Can anyone compare their experiences with Xanax and Lexi pro?

I have tried both, but not at the same time.  As the poster above said, they are pretty different drugs.  Xanax zonked me out, numbed me up.  It’s like alcohol in the sense that if you’re feeling a panic or anxiety attack come on, you pop a Xanax and it relieves the symptoms, but I really can’t understand how anyone can be on it all the time.  Xanax was moderately useful for panic attacks but didn’t do anything for depression in my case.  Lexapro is an antidepressant that was less acute in its effect on me.  It also made it so I couldn’t cum which was a total non-starter for me so I dropped it after just a couple months; on top of that it just didn’t really help my depression.

Caveat to the rest of this post: *I am not a doctor, this is an anecdote, listen to your doctor over me*.  Also TLDR: get enough sleep, exercise, and gratitude, and watch your diet.
 

Spoiler

I was depressed/suicidal on and off (mostly on) for over a decade and tried pretty much every depression med available including several off label options.  I had a some success with Wellbutrin but it only lasted a couple months and then wore off and an increased dose didn’t work.  Therapy with both a psychiatrist and a therapist didn’t do me any good.  I was left with taking shit to the next level (ketamine, electroshock, psychedelics, etc.) or giving up.  I started keeping a very detailed spreadsheet of my feelings and depression triggers over the course of a year (pretty sure I’m ocd) and eventually worked out that there are 7 things I can do to avoid depression/suicidal thoughts:

1. Get enough sleep

2. Get enough exercise

3. Eat right (maximize protein, fiber, and natural vitamins; minimize caffeine, alcohol, drugs, fat, and sugar)

4. Practice gratitude

5. Get enough sunlight 

6. Get enough in-person positive social interaction 

7. Do one productive thing every day

Doing those things consistently hasn’t made my life a never ending orgasm or anything but it has kept me out of the kind of dangerous lows I was regularly fighting for years.  The last 3 years have been the best of my adult life in terms of mental health.  I should also note I have found a lot of purpose/joy in raising my kids (4 and 7) so that could be another factor in why I’m not as bad off with depression as before.

Anyway, through all the professional advice/prescriptions I had, nobody ever mentioned sleep, diet, or exercise, and those things have made a big difference for me.  Good luck to all.

 

[closetohumping 17440]

1 hour ago, Snake Diggity said:

I have tried both, but not at the same time.  As the poster above said, they are pretty different drugs.  Xanax zonked me out, numbed me up.  It’s like alcohol in the sense that if you’re feeling a panic or anxiety attack come on, you pop a Xanax and it relieves the symptoms, but I really can’t understand how anyone can be on it all the time.  Xanax was moderately useful for panic attacks but didn’t do anything for depression in my case.  Lexapro is an antidepressant that was less acute in its effect on me.  It also made it so I couldn’t cum which was a total non-starter for me so I dropped it after just a couple months; on top of that it just didn’t really help my depression.

Caveat to the rest of this post: *I am not a doctor, this is an anecdote, listen to your doctor over me*.  Also TLDR: get enough sleep, exercise, and gratitude, and watch your diet.
 

  Reveal hidden contents

I was depressed/suicidal on and off (mostly on) for over a decade and tried pretty much every depression med available including several off label options.  I had a some success with Wellbutrin but it only lasted a couple months and then wore off and an increased dose didn’t work.  Therapy with both a psychiatrist and a therapist didn’t do me any good.  I was left with taking shit to the next level (ketamine, electroshock, psychedelics, etc.) or giving up.  I started keeping a very detailed spreadsheet of my feelings and depression triggers over the course of a year (pretty sure I’m ocd) and eventually worked out that there are 7 things I can do to avoid depression/suicidal thoughts:

1. Get enough sleep

2. Get enough exercise

3. Eat right (maximize protein, fiber, and natural vitamins; minimize caffeine, alcohol, drugs, fat, and sugar)

4. Practice gratitude

5. Get enough sunlight 

6. Get enough in-person positive social interaction 

7. Do one productive thing every day

Doing those things consistently hasn’t made my life a never ending orgasm or anything but it has kept me out of the kind of dangerous lows I was regularly fighting for years.  The last 3 years have been the best of my adult life in terms of mental health.  I should also note I have found a lot of purpose/joy in raising my kids (4 and 7) so that could be another factor in why I’m not as bad off with depression as before.

Anyway, through all the professional advice/prescriptions I had, nobody ever mentioned sleep, diet, or exercise, and those things have made a big difference for me.  Good luck to all.

 

Couldn’t cum?  Come again?

[cactusflinthead 27598]

This popped up on the timeline today. One of the Jesuits I follow. I get over here for share time and there's Snake with his own personal level research. 

I think I have said it a bazillion times. 

I don't have the slightest idea what is going to work for you. All I can do is share some of what I do and what I have heard and seen. I'm convinced there's no recipe that works 100% of the time. We are unique specimens. We can share experiences. We can share social status, ethnicity, and a thousand other demographics. But, my tears are my own. My joy is unexplainable. We do the best we can to share them in art, words, therapy sessions, and group activities, but there's a gap between the part we experience and what we can share. The ideal is not capable of being truly realized.

So we just keep on searching. Muddling along, dancing in the sun, and crying at the moon.

I don't know how to fix anyone. All I can do is share what I did and felt. Man it's one day at a time. 

Anyhow here is an article about Therapy.

Free click. It's a share 

Occasionally I tried to raise the question with friends who were in therapy themselves, but they often seemed intent on changing the subject or even responded with a little hostility. I sensed that simply introducing the issue of research findings struck them as either threatening or irrelevant. What did some study matter in the face of the intangibles that enhanced their lives — a flash of insight, a new understanding of an irrational anger, a fresh recognition of another’s point of view? I, too, have no doubt that therapy can change people’s lives, and yet I still wanted to know how reliably it offers actual relief from suffering. Does therapy resolve the symptoms that cause so much pain — the feeling of dread in people who deal with anxiety, or insomnia in people who are depressed? Does the talking cure, in fact, cure? And if it does, how well?

 

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/16/magazine/does-therapy-work.html?unlocked_article_code=mNwRuuECQWyEZ_Pf7FA3cFPV27vOheh7wyYArP6-M4DMnbsZB-ZeQvIe50XOEAMDReRE1SQVECovOnr3HVqcK0imqbGqomg5n_gs4EJTURTHTP2fyCzGOG3YfaWrq8Wpty9IQOOUdk_UstqupYYTCoIWlbHX_ctX_LPBKWTY91TjUDZhhwLyXSUN7AQUa7bHN2KMDeeo0EwafUUfrw6kef3b42bzkMH2vClTh9l_6AM2iTkGOk4jUhpPyrqJ7Tah3B5R--NveRJGZN5yivNMSdb4eEaP3Q7VRe7aRxSLmJfkwBJtj3T6gTxAoqWs25k2EJBYP0KdBSJAUROH&smid=url-share

 

 

 

Edited May 21, 2023 by cactusflinthead

[Lidig8r 1872]

On 5/11/2023 at 10:53 AM, troph said:

ugh. I'm tired of loss. I'm tired of being other. I don't feel like I belong in this world. I feel like there is another world where I fit in better, sadly that's a fairy tale or a world that has long been extinct. The toll the political environment takes on me is extensive, it's all in the background but it never stops. it never fucking stops.

I have an ex who is a complete asshole and as soon as I crossed over she went insane on me, not "I have needs too" that's understandable, she went complete grade A prime USDA asshole on me. she's spent the last 6 years trying to convince my kids I'm a worthless human, it's not working on two of them, it backfired on one of them altogether, but my oldest no longer lives with me because I kicked him out due to major behavioral problems - skipping school, lying, stealing, drugs, disrespect, etc.  She hates me so much, she enables really bad behavior and allows him to blame me for everything, well because she blames me for everything. 

I want to tell one of my (new) best friends I'm trans only so I'm known (he thinks I'm just a tomboy lesbian who likes trucks and fishing rods), but when I come out to anyone it's inevitable, that "explains everything".  I can't just be a cool chick the guys love to have around because she gets it. I mean I have old friends that made it across and they are easy, but they are few and far between. The vast majority of my life has been shattered to fucking pieces and yes I've rebuilt it but now into something beautiful and special but now I feel like I have this long term grief like everyone was killed in a car wreck but it's not just 3-4 people, it's hundreds. I can't look backward, there's almost nothing there. My childhood was wrecked and even now my father blames me for not doting on him yet he post the most hateful anti-LGBTQ and anti-trans shit you could ever imagine. I called my mom the other day to brag about something I accomplished professionally - first time I've tried to call my momma to brag on myself in probably a decade. She misgendered me and called me by my old name. I transitioned 8 fucking years ago. The loss and the grief is fucking staggering.

My list of regrets is stacking up, my old advice to myself of not living with regrets is failing miserably. I'm still in a go for it, you only live once mindset, but man people are so damn harsh and hateful.  The only place I feel really okay is on a river fishing with our dog. he lives in a world with no sex or gender for his humans, the river is uninterested in my existence (very comforting) and the fish only care about whether what I offer them looks like a tasty treat. the sun goes down, I get to be alone, I get to cry if I need to and then I go home in comfortable isolation. 

I feel like my only purpose on this earth is to give my two boys that are listening a fighting chance to be adults without the emotional sound of a chainsaw always in their head, to give them a chance to walk the earth without a deficit of love, support and attention. My time for wholeness and healing is over, it's gone, there is no chance that my life will be comforting or emotionally healthy. I will always be responding from a place of trauma and PTSD from a past of utter neglect, selfishness and destruction. I'm resigned to this, and it makes me want to just fucking cry for a day non-stop.

I'm not going to go out prematurely, don't worry, I've been here 10,000 times, really. it's just exhausting, the loss, the grief, the otherness, being attacked, being misunderstood, and not belonging anywhere because I don't fit neatly into someone's stupid construct.

I can't help but wonder more and more if society today is so horribly caught up in labels. And that it is only through applying labels to everyone that society, particularly those people in society who feel weak and disenfranchised seek some type of certainty that labels may bring. What are your pronouns? Are you straight? Are you gay? Are you bi? Are you non-binary? Are you trans? If so, pre-op trans or transitional trans?  WE MUST KNOW.

But, the question is rarely asked ... why do we have to know? Is it a need to know if someone is in our tribe? Are you in my tribe? Do you think like me?

We have so lost sight of the reality that we are all ... souls.  Just souls. Wonderful sentient beings. We all laugh. We all cry. We can all love. We can all try to find the wonder, the joy, the beauty in the simple things in the universe. The ties that bind.

I also strongly believe the person who wrote that post, the person who had the strength and courage to pour out your heart is far from done. That your time for wholeness and healing, instead of being over, is in front of you. Waiting for you to start to explore, to start to find it ... but, when the universe is ready for you to find it.

Sometimes we must go through the most agonizing of pain before our soul's purpose and path is revealed to us. And if... AND IF.. you only purpose on this plain of existence at this time is to give your two boys a safe, stable foundation upon which their incredible lives can grow ... is there a greater calling than that? Don't your boys get comfort from you? Don't they get love from you? You know the answer to those questions is a resounding YES.  And yet, how can they get those incredible qualities from you if those qualities do not exist.

I urge you to allow yourself to cry. But, there is such beauty around you.  I urge you to embrace it.  Do NOT let the pain, the smallness, the inability to recognize their own souls that so many people have ... to drag you down.

I urge you to say ... FUCK THE LABELS! You are a soul. You have given life. What a gift to this world.

[Doc Daneeka 6769]

6 hours ago, Lidig8r said:

What are your pronouns? Are you straight? Are you gay? Are you bi? Are you non-binary? Are you trans? If so, pre-op trans or transitional trans?  WE MUST KNOW.

But, the question is rarely asked ... why do we have to know? Is it a need to know if someone is in our tribe? Are you in my tribe? Do you think like me?

It seems to me that this is more often about those labeling themselves and making sure everyone else knows those labels than it is about people prying this information out of people. Of course, there’s no shortage of people who think everything is their business and who are looking for any chance to demean the choices, or statuses, of other people. But we shouldn’t pretend that, very often, the answers to those kinds of questions are given whether anyone cares or not and not because people have some burning desire to know. 

My tribe is those who will leave other people the hell alone to make their own choices until those choices cause people reasonably specific harm without their consent. And those who point and laugh in the direction of Norman and College Station. Sure, there are situations with competing interests, and those can be hard to sort out, but, generally, leaving people alone seems like a good starting point  

I’d like to say it takes a special kind of jackass to try to make someone feel “other” simply that person is different or makes different choices, but, at this point, that appears to be the default setting for human behavior. A little less emphasis on group membership and a little more on the actual people involved would be a good thing, imo. It’s been my experience that people of wildly different backgrounds and viewpoints can become friends over something as relatively simple as liking the same college football team, so it doesn’t take an outrageous amount of commonality.

[YGIFS 19450]

Nearly everyone thinks they are "live and let live" types.  But they're not.  They're judgmental assholes who feel the need to prod into everyone's lives either by proxy or force.  It can swing the other way too, you can over-advocate.  I am guilty of both, we all are. 

But to tie this back to mental wellness.  One of the best things I ever did was about 15-20 years ago, I just let go of hangups about people who were "other."  If you can help, help.  If you can't, get out of the way.  With your pocketbook, your vote, your service, your brain bandwidth.  Either help or get the fuck out of the way.  Every single human you meet is battling their own personal hellscape, they don't need your own shit projected on top of that.  Most people don't  have the resources or time or energy to care for every "other" group out there.  That's totally fine.  It's in our DNA to not be able to do all that.  But just leaving them the fuck alone is such a huge help, they don't need our shit.    

For the last 10 years I was masking my own shit and chemical imbalance with self-medication of a sort.  But I thank god and nature that I had at least laid a foundation of caring and service before that (that 15-20 year ago come to Jesus moment I mentioned), because if I was starting my recovery with a systemic disdain for "others" and not accustomed to faith and charity, I'd be even more lost.  

One interesting tidbit---I had to renew some mental well checks for DCSA at the Pentagon for a company I've been working with, as well as FBI background.  Then for a UT project, had to undergo a renewal from DPS and UT System police.  I disclosed a major health change in the last year and they take that into account.  All checks came back with flying colors and it was all I could do to not laugh at the DoD.  You guys think I'm the picture of sanity then something is really fucked up with our national security protocol. 

Be kind to someone today.      

[troph 24788]

powerless people label themselves to define their tribe to then try and regain power. It's the magic of the LGBTQ community, the historic gayborhoods and unique queer culture. It's been amazing, the richness of the history and the culture is like nothing I've ever been a part of.  The same happens in Hispanic cultures (not a monolith hence plural cultures) and also among black and indigenous cultures.  That labeling is what @Doc Daneeka is really talking about. That's relatively harmless and the louder someone screams their pronouns the more you can understand that they have had their power stripped away. I get misgendered from time to time and it's always an accident, not because "oooh, look at that tranny" no it's because I don't wear a lot of make up, I'm a tomboy and I'm tall as fuck.  It usually goes something like this, the cashier doesn't look up as I approach and she sees a tall person out of focus in her periphery and before she looks up and before I say a word she says "how can I help you sir? ... oh, I'm so sorry, I mean ma'am." I don't scream disrespect, but that's because I have a lot of personal power that comes from my profession, my confidence, I blend very well despite being tall (most just take me for a former women's college basketball player), my education and my personal financial success. I don't need to protect from accidental misgendering because it doesn't hurt me. The only time I've been called a "tranny" to my face was when I was firing someone. Who had the power there? Me. Fuck that guy. When I told him to leave or I'd call the police he scurried away like a cockroach with the light turned on. But those that do scream and cause a raucous don't have that personal power and so they are trying to take what they can take, in this case merely control over their label.

The other types of labeling are done by others for control.  The worst is done by those with legal power and is the beginning of extermination it is done by government and it kills people. That is happening in every single red state right now. It's attempted extermination/genocide. To call it anything else is a load of horseshit, you don't live under it, you don't see people being driven from their homes and required to move to another state simply to have a chance to live. That is so fucked up. It also impacts daily life. I don't even know what to compare it to as a way of helping you understand. School shootings in a sense are very similar though you can't simply move to a different state to avoid school shootings like you can extermination attempts by DeSantis or Abbott. But on the flip side, in this situation the proverbial gun is held to your head by the government so the shooting is happening and you have to react, every fucking day for some people.  I can't do much about this but it has a tremendous drain on my personal mental health resources. I can find a new healthcare provider in California or Colorado and I can lean on my personal power and agency to take care of myself and my family, be prepared to move if the worst happens, etc. etc. but daily life is really hard because my state wants to legislate our migration out of our home state or suffer such undeniable hardship we want to kill ourselves. Maybe the first will happen (and for the families with trans kids that is happening), the second won't happen for me, but many do find suicide the better path. 

It's also important to highlight I'm thinking prospectively, but for families with trans kids, they are dealing with this right now. Hiring lawyers, planning to move, uprooting their families to save their kids. there are a ton of similarities to refugees, many of these families may have the resources to move and escape poverty, not all though, and those that do have resources should not have to be forced to spend them on a forced migration, but they are. It's shocking, but insert "is it really though" meme here, the United States governments have been forcing segregation and migration since the day settlers first showed up on the continent. But understand, in no uncertain terms, forced migration is what's happening right now.

The other type of control is by ordinary people and that's where being with my dog, my fly rod and the river help. All of YOUR labels for me don't exist there. No one can control me or remind me of my otherness when it's just me, my rod, my dog and the river. initially I have to actively discard the labels that harm me when I arrive but as I watch the fly drift or better a fish take it and the adrenaline hits and I am consumed by the moment, there is no label there, no one is trying to control me and I have found freedom to simply be a soul and in that moment it's all okay. I think that's what @Lidig8r is getting at and he probably knows as well as anyone how harmful gender based labels and expectations can be on a soul. for my particular existence it's the labels associated with sex and gender that fucking suck so bad. We created them, they aren't really 100% accurate for all of humanity, they are for most of you which is why you balk at my community's rejection of it, but when you really think about it, apes and dogs and dolphins and CHILDREN don't think in terms of the binary, man, woman, boy, girl, they just interact and that's it. Adult humans create systems, categories, classification to help understand and control. But that comes at a cost. It would be much better for those of us that don't fit in the standard set if the standard set never existed. we are all just who we are, souls. it's a nice thought exercise for me, but that's not the world we live in.  and make no mistake about it, I'm a she/her/hers and everyone around me is comfortable with that. but if we could all do without gender and just be us that would be awesome. live as you want, fuck who you want, and there is no label on any of us (and therefore no external expectations around how to act) other than human. heck yes.

I'd love to be in that place all the time, but the powerful have labels for us and it is easier most days to prepare my response or hide underneath the labels and conform. It is for you too, it's just the labels forced upon me are bedrock and foundational. But we all have labels and expectations hoisted upon us and they do real damage to our psyches.

*none of this is meant to be political and if you disagree with me politically, ok, but the fact is undeniable, the power governments are exercising over private citizens and families is exacting a tremendous mental health toll on millions of people and their loved ones, including me (and others on this board whether they will come out to you all or not).

Edited May 25, 2023 by troph

[BearSchlong 8088]

several of you have been on my mind as I've been with my only blood sibling (sister) and BIL for two days following their 15-year-old son’s suicide.

[mention=93]troph[/mention] for sharing your journey. My nephew was gender fluid and gay, which I knew would be the case when he was about 6. He hadn’t made definitive decisions, but his parents would have supported gender-affirming care from the beginning. It was a judgment-free household.

My Jack hated that he was tall, hated that he had to shave. In his mind, he wanted to be waif-like and delicate.

[mention=137]lidig8r[/mention] for sharing your daughter’s story and your resulting activism. My sis and BIL have decided their new calling is assisting the families of others in similar situations.

The last two days have been the hardest in my life. My baby sister is wholly shattered, and can’t comprehend her powerlessness in a crisis she couldn’t have envisioned. My BIL is second-guessing every parenting decision he has ever made. And they were the ideal parents; open-minded, supportive, and willing to sacrifice everything for their child. This happened in progressive as fuck Happy Valley, OR, where the churches fly pride flags, and the schools have LGBTQ clubs.

Today I drug them and my remaining nephew out of the house and drove up the Columbia River gorge to White Salmon, WA, for lunch. I had to get them away from where he died and into a scenic vista to help them process.

I loved that kid so much. In my mind, he was perfect. My job this weekend is to be their rock while they lose their shit. I still can’t believe this is real.

[troph 24788]

Thanks @BearSchlong 

the world is full of pain and suffering and I think how we respond to it and how we help others in it is truly what defines our character. And like what’s his name said to ringo in the diner, we on this thread are trying real hard to be the Shepard.  You’re doing the lord’s work, keep it up.

Edited June 11, 2023 by troph

[Lidig8r 1872]

Thanks Schlong of the Bear.

The past two weeks have been incredibly trying and I am still processing if true change is coming... or if it is merely a facade. 

Will detail in the next day or so when I can articulate clearly.

Am grateful for this thread.

[TwiceHorn 31457]

On 5/25/2023 at 8:17 AM, YGIFS said:

Every single human you meet is battling their own personal hellscape, they don't need your own shit projected on top of that.

A good observation.  We often say "you don't know what that person is dealing with." And that's true as far as it goes.  Probably best to assume that whatever it is, it's bad, at least in that person's perception.  So yeah, help or go away.

[UpperWestside 6163]

On 6/11/2023 at 1:55 AM, BearSchlong said:

several of you have been on my mind as I've been with my only blood sibling (sister) and BIL for two days following their 15-year-old son’s suicide.

[mention=93]troph[/mention] for sharing your journey. My nephew was gender fluid and gay, which I knew would be the case when he was about 6. He hadn’t made definitive decisions, but his parents would have supported gender-affirming care from the beginning. It was a judgment-free household.

My Jack hated that he was tall, hated that he had to shave. In his mind, he wanted to be waif-like and delicate.

[mention=137]lidig8r[/mention] for sharing your daughter’s story and your resulting activism. My sis and BIL have decided their new calling is assisting the families of others in similar situations.

The last two days have been the hardest in my life. My baby sister is wholly shattered, and can’t comprehend her powerlessness in a crisis she couldn’t have envisioned. My BIL is second-guessing every parenting decision he has ever made. And they were the ideal parents; open-minded, supportive, and willing to sacrifice everything for their child. This happened in progressive as fuck Happy Valley, OR, where the churches fly pride flags, and the schools have LGBTQ clubs.

Today I drug them and my remaining nephew out of the house and drove up the Columbia River gorge to White Salmon, WA, for lunch. I had to get them away from where he died and into a scenic vista to help them process.

I loved that kid so much. In my mind, he was perfect. My job this weekend is to be their rock while they lose their shit. I still can’t believe this is real.

Oh my God words are no good here. Whatever you need man let me know. If you need to talk I’ll PM you my number. Sometimes having someone to listen to you in such a grief-filled time as this can be cleansing for the soul.

[BearSchlong 8088]

Oh my God words are no good here. Whatever you need man let me know. If you need to talk I’ll PM you my number. Sometimes having someone to listen to you in such a grief-filled time as this can be cleansing for the soul.

Thanks man. We were actually talking about their recent New York trip, you met him. The non-baseball-obsessed kid.

[fattyflattie 4639]

@BearSchlong  I’m not good enough with words, but keeping your family in our prayers.  

[BearSchlong 8088]

Appreciate it.

I'm numb. Trying to get back to work a little today.

And I have a new favorite baseball team, I haven't really had one since the 1990s Rangers. But my surviving nephew’s team is Toronto, and I promised him I'd watch them the rest of the season. Maybe I'm trauma bonding but it's clear I need more in common with him.

My sister is shattered, but she is a survivor. She was a marathon runner until surviving a stroke at 37, and is pretty even keeled. She's very social and has a lot of friends to share her burden.

My BIL is just in angry anguish. I watched him obsess over mortuary stuff for an entire weekend. The thought of any business profiting from his sons death turns his stomach. It's crazy how fixated he gets on trivial things. I kept gently reminding him that he needed to let the professionals do their job, but mainly just sat back and watched, knowing his particular coping mechanism is to go full OCD on a spreadsheet. He is a corporate lawyer so it's not some weird anti-capitalist thing. He hates socializing and generally doesn't like people. I've often joked he needs a mistress but his drives aren't in that arena. He’d rather play 8 hours of tennis.

[UpperWestside 6163]

On 6/12/2023 at 8:06 PM, BearSchlong said:

Thanks man. We were actually talking about their recent New York trip, you met him. The non-baseball-obsessed kid.

I vividly remember meeting your family. They were all so nice and I thoroughly enjoyed getting to have a good conversation with them that morning. I am completely taken aback that he is gone. Please tell your sister and brother-in-law that I am so very sorry to hear of this news and that while it is just words I am praying for them.
 

I just cannot fathom the pain they are feeling right now. They just all seemed so happy when we crossed paths and I felt blessed to have met them. Anything you need don’t hesitate to ask. 

[cactusflinthead 27598]

On 6/12/2023 at 12:12 AM, TwiceHorn said:

Probably best to assume that whatever it is, it's bad, at least in that person's perception.  So yeah, help or go away

If you gotta be something in this world, then be kind.

Y'all keep it together.

Pulling for you.

[troph 24788]

On the same topic - suicide - I watched a Man called Otto last night. Very powerful. I identified well with both Otto and his neighbor Marisol. I felt the allure of being gone and the guilt for not being kind enough to other people who may be struggling. It’s hard worrying if someone is going to find out too much about me and try and ruin my life but still being kind was at least a driving value in the before times, I sometimes wonder if survival and building a defensive apparatus has replaced being kind in the now times. I’d like to try and be more kind.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

13 minutes ago, troph said:

It’s hard worrying if someone is going to find out too much about me and try and ruin my life

I always assume I'm much worse than anything they could find out about me...

[Lidig8r 1872]

22 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Appreciate it.

I'm numb. Trying to get back to work a little today.

And I have a new favorite baseball team, I haven't really had one since the 1990s Rangers. But my surviving nephew’s team is Toronto, and I promised him I'd watch them the rest of the season. Maybe I'm trauma bonding but it's clear I need more in common with him.

My sister is shattered, but she is a survivor. She was a marathon runner until surviving a stroke at 37, and is pretty even keeled. She's very social and has a lot of friends to share her burden.

My BIL is just in angry anguish. I watched him obsess over mortuary stuff for an entire weekend. The thought of any business profiting from his sons death turns his stomach. It's crazy how fixated he gets on trivial things. I kept gently reminding him that he needed to let the professionals do their job, but mainly just sat back and watched, knowing his particular coping mechanism is to go full OCD on a spreadsheet. He is a corporate lawyer so it's not some weird anti-capitalist thing. He hates socializing and generally doesn't like people. I've often joked he needs a mistress but his drives aren't in that arena. He’d rather play 8 hours of tennis.

I hope you are taking steps to take care of yourself. It can be such a feeling of helplessness, so desperately wanting to "be there," to want to say the right thing, to do the right thing and all the while, knowing that people must surely go through their own grief. 

I hope you are checking in with those that help keep you centered.

[BearSchlong 8088]

I am. The shock of it all is wearing off, and I am left with sorrow, anger, and a general sadness.

Work is helping to keep my mind occupied, but I dread heading back for the funeral, which will be on July 8th.

I've also come to realize my emotional limits, that when it seems too much to bear that I need to focus on self-care. I've always been someone who takes on others’ burdens, and that's not healthy or sustainable. There's a vast difference between being supportive and helpful versus just absorbing someone else’s grief. I do it with my children in their non-existent relationship with their mother.

[YGIFS 19450]

I remember a scene in "The Sopranos" when Tony goes off on another diatribe with Dr. Melfi about why therapy is bullshit. If we made it as a species to feed and shelter ourselves this well, why dwell on the mental bullshit?  And she explains that's why it's the time, because we've achieved the base needs.  Now is when we can turn the real work of help and assistance.  It's a throw-away scene but I was thinking about it the other day talking with an old friend who is battling some shit himself.  Only in the last ~10% of our existence are we finally realizing the bizarre shit that comes with being an intelligent species who has formed civilization.  With that has come great mental insight and tragic mental disease.  

But it also brought one tiny gift.  While we sense the degradation in ourselves, we've also evolved long enough to figure out we can help one another.  Not just with chorin' and growin'.  I've listened for a living but usually to my own ends.  But I've realized the last couple years.  Ask somebody, maybe somebody you don't know terribly well or maybe a lifelong friend or family friend.  Ask them an open-ended question.  And then just shut up and listen.  We all do it from time to time.  But I try and do it more often.  Just listen.  Good news is-it's more cathartic for you.  But I didn't realize how much pain every single person I knew was in until I got this old.  But I am listening.  And I am hearing.  And around and around goes this rock that none us are escaping.

[nbmishoid 949]

‘Listening” should be the 11th scout law. 

[YGIFS 19450]

I like that idea.  It is as important as making fire or zero-trace camping.  and you have to learn it young.  I'm really good at it now but it took me decades to get here.  Don't just wait to talk, listen.  

Another tip I got was from Adm. Inman.  He told us to say something at the outset of a meeting to just sorta be known and establish yourself.  But then just listen.  And at the end, during Q&A or feedback or whatever, you repeat what somebody else said before your question.  A sort of refresh.  And yeah, the preamble to your deal might steal 20 seconds from somebody else waiting to ask a question, but fuck them.  The nervous presenters, students, the person with a real issue,  founders, et. al.  To concisely let them know you heard them, you listened........the rest of the vultures in the back can wait for a moment while you repeat what they said.  Let people know you listened.  Even if you have nothing else to do with them ever again, they'll remember that you remembered.  We just don't do enough of that for one another.  I'm sure it's always been that way through all of our technological advances.  But make it a point to tie just two different things somebody said to you.  It's good for your brain to make the connection.  And they get a cathartic kick out of knowing you at least heard a couple of points from their narrative.  It's a tough skill that I'm just now starting to appreciate.  But to truly hear someone and then offer back, "Hey, you said this about this thing, and then this other deal and here's how I think they may be related somehow.  I'm probably wrong, but just a thought based on what all you said..."  It is live-giving and even if you're wrong, who gives a shit...you tried and both of you are smiling because of it.  

Edited June 19, 2023 by YGIFS

[nbmishoid 949]

Way back when, as part of a course, this approach was called active listening.  It takes some awareness to not simply parrot, or do it so much in the same conversation that it irritates your interlocutor, but it is fundamentally sound, and fairly life changing when some fluency develops.

Also the scout law isn’t about camping.  It’s about perspective on life.  A scout is:

Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.  The last two are challenges for me.  And listening.

‘I know this looks beyond corny, but I reflect on this list often.  Well, sometimes. 

Edited June 19, 2023 by nbmishoid
SP

[troph 24788]

34 minutes ago, nbmishoid said:

Way back when, as part of a course, this approach was called active listening.  It takes some awareness to not simply parrot, or do it so much in the same conversation that it irritates your interlocutor, but it is fundamentally sound, and fairly life changing when some fluency develops.

Also the scout law isn’t about camping.  It’s about perspective on life.  A scout is:

Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.  The last two are challenges for me.  And listening.

‘I know this looks beyond corny, but I reflect on this list often.  Well, sometimes. 

I’ve referred to it a few times and realized I was about to put myself and quickly pivoted to my sons brief time in scouts. Ignoring the problems the positives of scouting are high quality stuff. 

[nbmishoid 949]

Yes, my time in scouts was blissful and without the abuse issues.  One West Point graduate scoutmaster taught several of us slide rule, at about 12 years old.  We felt like geniuses.  A year later he was dead in Viet Nam. 
I’m not advocating scouting.  I do advocate the aspirational ideas within the scout law.

[HRSchenker 2268]

I don't think I've ever mentioned this before so apologies if I have. I have an estranged uncle. For whatever reason he wants nothing to do with me or my family. I've seen him maybe twice in the last 25 years, once at my grandpa's funeral and once at a family get together. He allegedly told his kids (my cousins) early in their life that we didn't want anything to do with them so I've had no relationship with them at all. It wasn't until a few years ago that my sister reached out to them and learned this. I have wanted to meet them more and get to know them because....I mean come on man they're family. I have 5 first-cousins in total and my uncle's side has 3 of them. My other cousins I know them, their spouses, when they graduated high school, when they graduated college, their interests, etc. I know nothing about my uncle's kids. We went to one of their weddings and I brought my wife with me. On the drive home the first thing she said was "wow that was awkward, they acted like they didn't really know you". I had to tell her that was kind of true. They don't really know me and I don't really know them. My grandma wasn't at the wedding. She lives alone 7 hours away but we have the same experience. She doesn't really know them. We've tried multiple times to meet up and things always fall apart for one reason or another. I finally said to myself you know what if they want to know me they can reach out to me. 

I bring all of this up because one of my cousins is pregnant. My grandma is about to become a great grandmother. I have no idea if she's going to make an attempt to be there for the delivery. When I was born my dad recorded her and my grandpa literally sprinting into the hospital and grabbing me from the nurse's arms because they wanted to hold me. They were so in love with me as a baby. It just breaks my heart that this baby won't get to experience the kind of love and affection I got from her when I was born. I only had 1 great grandparent alive while my mom was pregnant but she (the great grandparent) passed away 2 months before I was born. I wish she got to see me and hold me. Breaks my heart man. Thanks for reading this. 

[cactusflinthead 27598]

@The Duke you might find some help over here

[cactusflinthead 27598]

In contrast, RTM requires only three to four sessions, totaling about five hours, and involves no drugs or re-traumatization. Therapists can be trained in three days, and treatment can be conducted online. Best of all, the effects last. As one veteran put it, “Who knew that you could retrain your brain in a few hours, without medication, to remove yourself from the traumatic events that have been crushing you and making you wish you would just die?”

How does RTM work? Bourke explains it like this: “The technique is actually a neurological intervention that takes a traumatic memory and restructures it using several exercises like visualizing it as a black-and-white movie. The revised memory updates the original — reconsolidation.”

That’s pretty much it. But what sounds simple is, in fact, very sophisticated and has been continuously refined over the years. Reconsolidation was initially discovered in the late 1960s by neuroscientists studying the process by which memories are stored and retrieved. What differentiates RTM from previous treatments is that it is not psychotherapy — it is a directed intervention that takes 89 discrete steps, and it has been manualized. This formal sequencing is what makes it so easy to train practitioners.

 

[Lidig8r 1872]

Tough day today. It is my daughter's 30th birthday. Writing for me is a very good outlet for some of the emotions.

https://adadsjourneywitheatingdisorders.home.blog/2023/08/10/birthday-thoughts/

[troph 24788]

10 minutes ago, Lidig8r said:

Tough day today. It is my daughter's 30th birthday. Writing for me is a very good outlet for some of the emotions.

https://adadsjourneywitheatingdisorders.home.blog/2023/08/10/birthday-thoughts/

that's a beautiful testament video in that blog. thank you for sharing.

[troph 24788]

don't want to take from Lidig8r's post... but another line of posting here, I actually planned it then saw he posted...

any HSPs here? Highly Sensitive People. it's was a pop psychology term but it's coming into its own. not that rare, anyway, I'm one and some days it's a fucking beat down, others it feels like the greatest gift I've ever been given. My 15 year old son is one too and we have this bond that is so deep and rich in part because of our shared need for experiencing beauty.  example, today I was watching the sun glimmer off the lake, I started crying over three things at once, how beautiful the scene was, how deeply I love my 15 year old son, and how sad I am the natural world is off balance as I empathized for the turkey vulture soaring high but probably feeling really hot. some of that is chick crap but I've always been like that.

more info...https://health.clevelandclinic.org/highly-sensitive-person/

pretty much describes me to a tee ... anyone else?

Edited August 10, 2023 by troph

[Lidig8r 1872]

11 minutes ago, troph said:

don't want to take from Lidig8r's post... but another line of posting here, I actually planned it then saw he posted...

any HSPs here? Highly Sensitive People. it's was a pop psychology term but it's coming into its own. not that rare, anyway, I'm one and some days it's a fucking beat down, others it feels like the greatest gift I've ever been given. My 15 year old son is one too and we have this bond that is so deep and rich in part because of our shared need for experiencing beauty.  example, today I was watching the sun glimmer off the lake, I started crying over three things at once, how beautiful the scene was, how deeply I love my 15 year old son, and how sad I am the natural world is off balance as I empathized for the turkey vulture soaring high but probably feeling really hot. some of that is chick crap but I've always been like that.

more info...https://health.clevelandclinic.org/highly-sensitive-person/

pretty much describes me to a tee ... anyone else?

That is truly a gift. It brings joy to my heart that you have this bond with your 15 year old!

[YGIFS 19450]

1 hour ago, Lidig8r said:

Tough day today. It is my daughter's 30th birthday. Writing for me is a very good outlet for some of the emotions.

https://adadsjourneywitheatingdisorders.home.blog/2023/08/10/birthday-thoughts/

Two nights ago, I got really frustrated with my oldest.  And as usual, I shouldn't have.  She's been doing so much better but was having a really tough few days and I wasn't there for her.  And I thought of an exchange you and I had a few years ago.  And I don't know nothing about life experiences or growing or learning or jack fucking shit.  But I am so sorry for your loss and am in awe of what you try to do every single day to celebrate her and help others.  And I bet even on those days you don't have it in you, you still make some asshole like me want to be a better dad.  And we're all gonna fucking fail to some degree because we're just flawed fucked-up dudes ourselves.  But in some weird way, just want to say thanks, my condolences, and my admiration to you and yours.  I don't know what the fuck to do most days.  I just hope she doesn't get stuck with the same shit in her head as I do.  And when she invariably does, I just pray for patience and kindness.  I don't know what the fuck else to do.  But thank you for sharing as always.  

Also, a few years ago I offered to help you with something that may help other young people, particularly teenage/20-something women with personal challenges.  I dropped the ball on it.  And I really didn't do much with higher ed during Covid, but if there's something we can help with through UT-Dallas or UT-Arlington, or the medical schools, let me know and I'll get some stuff rolling.  

[Sandman 3403]

My wife called me to tell me she received a text from our nextdoor neighbor. His son passed away. He was 20/21 so I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to figure out what happened. I know he was going through some things, his dad and I would talk about our grown kids and wonder WTF they were doing. Never anything mean, just dads trying to wrap our heads around the doings of young people.

He was a polite kid, always said hi if he saw us out and about. Never looked away and pretended he didn't see us. It's a real shame.

[Texzilla58 4735]

That’s awful. I have one major fear in life and that’s outliving my son or a grandchild. I can’t imagine the pain.

[Lidig8r 1872]

Ok... So Sunday, August 13 at 11:00 a.m. our time, I am on a panel discussion with amongst others, Dr. Urszula Kelley, director of the eating disorder program at Children's Hospital in Plano and Dr. Brooks Brodrick who has both an M.D. and PhD and works at UT Southwestern.  The topic is Going back to School, Mental health and eating disorders faced by our kids.  It is at Kendra Scott in West Village.  For those who can't attend but who are interested, you can use this zoom link.  Should be interesting.

Topic: Something For Kelly

Time: Aug 13, 2023 11:45 AM Eastern Time (US and Canada)

 

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us06web.zoom.us/j/84220335926

 

Meeting ID: 842 2033 5926