Depression, OCD, and whatever else ails you between the ears

[ImGolfn 77]

So yesterday was Sammie's 17th birthday, i spent half the day at the cemetary with her.  Cleaned it up around her headstone and all.  The drive over is always nerve wracking.  But obviously I made it thru. 

I also turned in my resignation at work at my golf course last Wednesday a week ago today.  I wasnt really expecting an offer but got one 20 minutes into the interview with another golf course.  I've been at this club 4 years, turning in my 2 week was also anxiety riddled.  This is the grouo of people i had worked with since before Sammie's passing.  They didn't stand in my way of leaving and maybe I'm just being butthurt but they also not once asked what the offer was, was there anything they could do to change my mind or even just ask me to stay.  I've heard some of the interviews for people to replace me and they're hiring them in at a rate i waited 3 years to get to and thats with no PGA schooling. So now I'm wondering if i was here because they didn't want to let me go but they're glad I'm leaving?  Or maybe its just my depression questioning everything.   The new golf club is a shorter drive and a fairly healthy raise of $3 an hour of my current rate plus lessons going from $20/30 mins to $60/hour.  My last day is Friday and i know business goes on, its not like I'm irreplaceable but maybe I'm just being overly sensitive and butthurt 

[immortal13 4059]

On 5/21/2019 at 7:43 PM, Buzzrock said:

Old friend took his own life last week at age 50. Nicest guy you’d ever meet. Left behind two teenage boys and an ex-wife.

Reach out before it gets that bad. So many more people care about you than you realize.

Dang bro, sorry about your friend. 

[cactusflinthead 27628]

19 hours ago, ImGolfn said:

So yesterday was Sammie's 17th birthday, i spent half the day at the cemetary with her.  Cleaned it up around her headstone and all.  The drive over is always nerve wracking.  But obviously I made it thru. 

I also turned in my resignation at work at my golf course last Wednesday a week ago today.  I wasnt really expecting an offer but got one 20 minutes into the interview with another golf course.  I've been at this club 4 years, turning in my 2 week was also anxiety riddled.  This is the grouo of people i had worked with since before Sammie's passing.  They didn't stand in my way of leaving and maybe I'm just being butthurt but they also not once asked what the offer was, was there anything they could do to change my mind or even just ask me to stay.  I've heard some of the interviews for people to replace me and they're hiring them in at a rate i waited 3 years to get to and thats with no PGA schooling. So now I'm wondering if i was here because they didn't want to let me go but they're glad I'm leaving?  Or maybe its just my depression questioning everything.   The new golf club is a shorter drive and a fairly healthy raise of $3 an hour of my current rate plus lessons going from $20/30 mins to $60/hour.  My last day is Friday and i know business goes on, its not like I'm irreplaceable but maybe I'm just being overly sensitive and butthurt 

I'd put the odds at you undervaluing yourself at nearly 100%.

[Reagan1k 3043]

On 5/29/2019 at 3:23 PM, ImGolfn said:

So yesterday was Sammie's 17th birthday, i spent half the day at the cemetary with her.  Cleaned it up around her headstone and all.  The drive over is always nerve wracking.  But obviously I made it thru. 

I also turned in my resignation at work at my golf course last Wednesday a week ago today.  I wasnt really expecting an offer but got one 20 minutes into the interview with another golf course.  I've been at this club 4 years, turning in my 2 week was also anxiety riddled.  This is the grouo of people i had worked with since before Sammie's passing.  They didn't stand in my way of leaving and maybe I'm just being butthurt but they also not once asked what the offer was, was there anything they could do to change my mind or even just ask me to stay.  I've heard some of the interviews for people to replace me and they're hiring them in at a rate i waited 3 years to get to and thats with no PGA schooling. So now I'm wondering if i was here because they didn't want to let me go but they're glad I'm leaving?  Or maybe its just my depression questioning everything.   The new golf club is a shorter drive and a fairly healthy raise of $3 an hour of my current rate plus lessons going from $20/30 mins to $60/hour.  My last day is Friday and i know business goes on, its not like I'm irreplaceable but maybe I'm just being overly sensitive and butthurt 

More like they probably respect the hell out of you, knew this was a good opportunity, and didn't want to add any undue stress on the situation.  I'm never bitter when an employee leaves for a better situation and if I know they're doing it for financial reasons I can't meet or quality of life issues, I don't play games.  I let them go with best wishes.

The labor market is tight as a drum right now so they probably can't hire anyone at your starting rate of 4+ years ago.  An, they're replacing you with someone still making less than your old and  your new wage.

Don't over think it.  Depression will run every interaction with others through a filter and only allow the possible negative implications through.....or it acts like a prism bending light and takes situations where there is zero negativity and warps our perception to create it where there is none. 

Our job is to recognize that aspect and counteract that with positive thoughts and actions until the feelings pass.

[Fuck Tim Beck 3904]

7 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

Don't over think it.  Depression will run every interaction with others through a filter and only allow the possible negative implications through.....or it acts like a prism bending light and takes situations where there is zero negativity and warps our perception to create it where there is none. 

This is an excellent description. I'm familiar with the saying "Overthinking creates problems that aren't there." But this one I like much better because you describe what's going on. 

Something that has helped me lately is trying to think in terms of an abundance mentality instead of a scarcity mentality. Even mundane tasks like washing dishes, I will tell myself

how great it is to have running water. And how lucky I am to have had food to eat which is the reason the dishes are now dirty. It also allows me to be "in the now" and not replaying 

yesterday over in my head or worrying about tomorrow. 

[troph 25242]

Overthinking in the way we are talking about is self-sabotage if you don’t stop it, and even you do it wastes a ton of emotional energy which leaves less for other emotional obstacles. At its core it’s also really just a form of selfishness. If you are thinking about yourself you aren’t thinking of others which is the essence of love, connection and emotionally satisfying relationships. Spoken from experience in the depths of that rabbit hole, overthinking is a highly destructive behavior and depression or not, anxiety or not, we have to learn to combat it with overriding and healthy thoughts.

 

My experience with episodic depression and anxiety is really that of trench warfare in my head with battling thoughts those we are taking about and the overriding ones that I go to constantly which I learned in therapy. Acknowledging the depression or anxiety and having self compassion and deferring doomsday thoughts or thoughts that drive me off the worst case scenario ledges. And thankfully, and believe me I totally appreciate this, mine is episodic so it lasts a week at most. It’s a freaking dogfight to get out of it unscathed though I generally do ok now after 30 years of experience (and the right meds if you know what I’m saying), I couldn’t imagine it lasting for months on end.

 

 

[troph 25242]

This is an excellent description. I'm familiar with the saying "Overthinking creates problems that aren't there." But this one I like much better because you describe what's going on. 
Something that has helped me lately is trying to think in terms of an abundance mentality instead of a scarcity mentality. Even mundane tasks like washing dishes, I will tell myself
how great it is to have running water. And how lucky I am to have had food to eat which is the reason the dishes are now dirty. It also allows me to be "in the now" and not replaying 
yesterday over in my head or worrying about tomorrow. 

Abundance mentality or simply gratitude is the great vaccine against a ton of mental maladies. It’s a kryponite to depression and anxiety. It’s one of my go to’s especially when I get down.

Another is looking a realistic worst case scenario in the eye and recognizing it wouldn’t be as bad as my anxiety is telling me it will be. So we break up - for example - I’m not going to die, I still have people that love me, someone else will, and there you have it, no need to jump off the cliff. I don’t use this one often but I use it when I just can’t shake the anxiety.

And there is a great benefit to just saying, “I see you anxiety” and “I see you depression” and “I’m going to see us through this.” Of course it’s really the specific thoughts that we should acknowledge. And it’s important to avoid action on those thoughts and feelings. To acknowledge and see is enough, don’t make any moves though, highly likely to be an overreaction and an act of self-sabotage.

And mental health days are critical. I’m here to live and love not to work and run around frantic, if I need a day off because my highly capable brain needs a break from being an amazing ninja then by god we get a short break. And I believe it’s earned and deserved not a disability.

Anyway those are some of my tools.

[Not that Bob 743]

Opinions please re: residential or outpatient centers, in Texas, for dual diagnosis bipolar/alcohol. My friend does okay for a couple of  years, then falls off the wagon pretty hard. He has been trying to do it on his own with private counseling and fair compliance with bipolar meds, but it ain't working. I wonder if residential treatment is just a money drain for something that could be done with intensive day treatment so he could keep his job. I am not convinced he has a perfectly accurate diagnosis, so something more intensive than weekly counseling sessions is in order IMHO. I know a guy who had good results with a month at Starlight, but I don't know if they do the dual diagnosis stuff. 

[ROFL BOX 6655]

I hate the summer heat.

I had a guy that was doing work for me, maybe 1 week, & I took on a few projects that he was perfectly suited for... had assisted me on a couple of jobs, had his own tools & I found that I could leave him for 1 or 2 hours & he had it done correctly by the time I came back.

Paid him correctly, supplied grub, etc.  No complaints.

Then he ghosts on me, won't answer the phone or texts.  Dead?  Moved to Bolivian?  Got raptured?  Took a job as ball boy for the French Open?  Dunno.  All I know is I have projects backing up & I can't find anyone to get out & work for what figures to be around $ 35.00 / hr.  & I'm stuck hating this shit.

[XYZ 2154]

On 6/7/2019 at 12:56 PM, ROFL BOX said:

I hate the summer heat.

This.

[TwiceHorn 32094]

For all the folks talking about the negative thinking that depression causes, I will once again recommend this:

It's kind of an intro to cognitive behavioral therapy and goes a long way to helping you recognize distorted thinking and combat it.  I found it really helpful and so has everyone that's read it.

[TwiceHorn 32094]

On 6/4/2019 at 10:15 AM, Not that Bob said:

Opinions please re: residential or outpatient centers, in Texas, for dual diagnosis bipolar/alcohol. My friend does okay for a couple of  years, then falls off the wagon pretty hard. He has been trying to do it on his own with private counseling and fair compliance with bipolar meds, but it ain't working. I wonder if residential treatment is just a money drain for something that could be done with intensive day treatment so he could keep his job. I am not convinced he has a perfectly accurate diagnosis, so something more intensive than weekly counseling sessions is in order IMHO. I know a guy who had good results with a month at Starlight, but I don't know if they do the dual diagnosis stuff. 

I have heard good things about this place in the Dallas recovery community.  https://www.santecenter.com/

The gold standard seems to be The Meadows in Arizona.  https://www.themeadows.com/

[Lidig8r 1906]

Sometimes boys, when you least expect it, your soul is touched.

Inspiration from An Unlikely Source

[ROFL BOX 6655]

[cactusflinthead 27628]

On 7/15/2019 at 3:43 PM, Lidig8r said:

Sometimes boys, when you least expect it, your soul is touched.

Inspiration from An Unlikely Source

That's fucking outstanding!

Getting mighty dusty in here. 

[troph 25242]

Sometimes boys, when you least expect it, your soul is touched.
Inspiration from An Unlikely Source

That’s amazing. That’s exactly what I would want and need to hear if I was in your shoes. I’m so glad to read that story.

[Lidig8r 1906]

Gents (and Ladies), finally. After some hard work, good connections and lots of prayer, The Morgan Foundation is pleased to announce that beginning in September, we are producing a weekly radio segment on DFW station, 1160AM. It will be simulcast on net on www.bigdtalks.com and can be seen live every week on Facebook on JP, Kathy & The Crew show. It airs every Tuesday at 8:30 a.m. until 8:55 a.m.

The show is entitled, "The Mental Health Moment." We will have different experts in all areas of mental health every week ... opioid addiction, alcohol and drug addiction, Autism, Schizophrenia, Eating Disorders, Depression.. the entire gambit. You can call in or email questions and have live interaction with our guests.

In addition, you will be able to email the experts who appear on the show afterwards and maybe get help that way too.

Every little bit helps my daughter's legacy grow ... and acts as balm for a dad's grieving soul.

I hope some of you malcontents tune in occasionally.

The Mental Health Moment Radio Show

[troph 25242]

That’s really cool. I’m excited for you!

[Auto Driller 2568]

Sorry if this has already been covered as I haven’t checked in with this thread since about page 3.

Anyone have experience dealing with someone with BPD - specifically dating someone? My significant other was diagnosed with depression but I’m beginning to think BPD may be in play also.

[troph 25242]

Deleted

[cactusflinthead 27628]

14 hours ago, Auto Driller said:

Sorry if this has already been covered as I haven’t checked in with this thread since about page 3.

Anyone have experience dealing with someone with BPD - specifically dating someone? My significant other was diagnosed with depression but I’m beginning to think BPD may be in play also.

Are they willing to go talk to a pro about it? They are more receptive to getting help in the depressive episodes. Manic stages and they don't see a problem. They are having a kickass time then and you're being a stick in the mud.

[troph 25242]

Are they willing to go talk to a pro about it? They are more receptive to getting help in the depressive episodes. Manic stages and they don't see a problem. They are having a kickass time then and you're being a stick in the mud.

I suspected he’s talking borderline personality disorder - we might need clarification.

[Auto Driller 2568]

2 hours ago, troph said:

I suspected he’s talking borderline personality disorder - we might need clarification.

Correct - the BPD was the bigger issue (I think). I suggested that we go see a couples therapist but couldn’t get her to agree. A lot of times it felt like she was more interested in maintaining the status quo than changing for the better.

[troph 25242]

Tapa double post

[ImGolfn 77]

Just bumping this to check in.  Been an on and off last couple months.

[XYZ 2154]

29 minutes ago, ImGolfn said:

Just bumping this to check in.  Been an on and off last couple months.

How are you doing?

[cactusflinthead 27628]

Good to see you again. 

[ImGolfn 77]

Like i said on and off.  Left the golf course i had been at 4 years to go to a different one for more pay.  I like the members and the staff i work with directly but my GM now is one of those who's not happy unless he's complaining about something.  Very micro managing, just not fun.  Still issues with my wife's oldest who lives there in Austin but I cant go into it publicly.  Been off my meds a few weeks, I have thoughts but not emotional ones I want to act on.  Did shoot a year low round of 68 on the golf course and promptly followed that with a foot injury we thought was plantar fasciitis but after steroids  a cortisone shot and an MRI we think its a nerve issue.  Step daughter was named to Homecoming court last week so that was nice.  So yeah, on and off.  I just cant seem to sleep enough.

[cactusflinthead 27628]

Yeah, last time I remember seeing you on here you mentioned changing jobs. You don't have to stay at that one either. Weighing out the job situation has so many tangents. I expect we're all in that boat.

I'm glad to hear you are doing well enough to want to cut back on the meds. I'd count that as a good thing. 

[TwiceHorn 32094]

3 hours ago, ImGolfn said:

Like i said on and off.  Left the golf course i had been at 4 years to go to a different one for more pay.  I like the members and the staff i work with directly but my GM now is one of those who's not happy unless he's complaining about something.  Very micro managing, just not fun.  Still issues with my wife's oldest who lives there in Austin but I cant go into it publicly.  Been off my meds a few weeks, I have thoughts but not emotional ones I want to act on.  Did shoot a year low round of 68 on the golf course and promptly followed that with a foot injury we thought was plantar fasciitis but after steroids  a cortisone shot and an MRI we think its a nerve issue.  Step daughter was named to Homecoming court last week so that was nice.  So yeah, on and off.  I just cant seem to sleep enough.

Glad you're getting by.  Curious, but why off meds?

[ImGolfn 77]

Dr. said it was never intention to have me on meds rest of my life. I also told him though that the prozac was affecting me sexually.   One of the side effects is difficulty in bed. Also being on meds for me was making my thoughts go too fast even on the golf course, I was having trouble focusing and concentrating.  So we agreed to try getting me off meds.  I'm on now a different med for my back and my foot.  

[XYZ 2154]

Do y’all know of any volunteer opportunities in Austin where one can go and help sort out cans at a food bank or help cook meals or anything like that? Thanks in advance.

[Reagan1k 3043]

Almost every town / city has a Meals on Wheels program where you can cook, assemble, or deliver meals, a Humane Society where you can walk and play with dogs, or a food bank where they have multiple opportunities.  Just a few ideas....Any of which are good for the soul and remove the self focus that makes many of us miserable.

[cactusflinthead 27628]

"Volunteer opportunities Austin Texas"

Blam

https://communityimpact.com/austin/features/2016/12/14/heres-list-nonprofits-volunteer-opportunities-central-austin/

Meals on Wheels is in there.

You can go pull weeds in the park too.

MIA walked some dogs after his passed and he was in a funk. There is an inherent risk with that one though. Try not to bring home 20 dogs. 

Mobile Loaves and Fishes 

Autism. Boys Club. Rotary. Kiwanis.

There is a need for willing minds and bodies everywhere all the time. Don't matter where or who you are.

 

[Reagan1k 3043]

One might also consider volunteering to help teach tackling in Austin, or to take Orlando on a loooonnnnggg trip away from the football complex. 

[troph 25242]

Well, looks like my pops will die with all three of his kids despising him. Hateful mean man. It’s near midnight, enjoying a fire and a really nice bottle of wine, and at the end of “no country for old men”, I finally decided enough is enough. Not sure who hit who in this car wreck but I’m walking away. He’s dead to me and now he is dead to all of his children.

 

It’s been coming for decades. Tried to reconcile once twenty plus years ago, he raged. Since then just trying to manage him and his all consuming selfishness. The last few years have become intolerable. I’m the last one out the door, I don’t care who turns off the lights. Good riddance.

 

 

 

 

 

[TwiceHorn 32094]

That sucks, troph, sorry.  Glad you can reconcile it yourself, though.

[TwiceHorn 32094]

On 10/2/2019 at 7:14 AM, ImGolfn said:

Dr. said it was never intention to have me on meds rest of my life. I also told him though that the prozac was affecting me sexually.   One of the side effects is difficulty in bed. Also being on meds for me was making my thoughts go too fast even on the golf course, I was having trouble focusing and concentrating.  So we agreed to try getting me off meds.  I'm on now a different med for my back and my foot.  

Thanks for the candid answer.  There is a tendency among some to resist medication, especially, apparently, the bipolar.  Was just curious about your thought process.  Good luck with it.

[Lidig8r 1906]

Gentlemen, three years to the day that my daughter Morgan was taken.

Now, six days since my dad passed away. Sometimes, you just have to express yourself ...

Remembrance, Death, Life and Tornadoes

 

Edited October 30, 2019 by Lidig8r

[Shoxthemonkey 1995]

Thanks for sharing, Lid. That is a moving tribute to your Dad and your Daughter.

[Native Horn 3581]

That is a beautiful story Lid.  No dust in here, must be the onions.  Peace be with you and your family.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

There are people who say you should never seek a geographic cure to your emotional problems.

Those people clearly never lived in College Station.

We've been here in North Carolina for two months now, and there is literally nothing about the move that I regret, especially now that we have a tamale lady. Meanwhile, finding proper mental health professionals for each member of the family has been so fucking easy compared to what things were like back in Brazos County that it's almost comical. Instead of a six month waiting list for a psychiatrist who was likely to leave town in three months, we've all been seen multiple times since we got here, by primary care physicians and then by each of our specialist referrals. For a family of nut-cases, that is one amazing relief, let me tell you.

Of course, the biggest reason we moved was for services for our son, and that's worked out great, too. Lots and lots of research specialists at both Duke and UNC Med who are just itching to get him as a test subject.

[XYZ 2154]

22 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

There are people who say you should never seek a geographic cure to your emotional problems.

Those people clearly never lived in College Station.

We've been here in North Carolina for two months now, and there is literally nothing about the move that I regret, especially now that we have a tamale lady. Meanwhile, finding proper mental health professionals for each member of the family has been so fucking easy compared to what things were like back in Brazos County that it's almost comical. Instead of a six month waiting list for a psychiatrist who was likely to leave town in three months, we've all been seen multiple times since we got here, by primary care physicians and then by each of our specialist referrals. For a family of nut-cases, that is one amazing relief, let me tell you.

Of course, the biggest reason we moved was for services for our son, and that's worked out great, too. Lots and lots of research specialists at both Duke and UNC Med who are just itching to get him as a test subject.

My teenage daughter has depression. She’s being treated by a psychiatrist (not really, it’s actually a PA who works under the direction of an MD), and an LPC (therapist). The therapist recently said to me “Texas is the worst place for mental healthcare”. I don’t know how much better it is in other states. Here there’s basically “outpatient” treatment, or go to a place like Shoal Creek Hospital, where they will stabilize you and watch you for a few days, and then send you home. It sucks.

[Celery Man 21100]

Do y’all know of any volunteer opportunities in Austin where one can go and help sort out cans at a food bank or help cook meals or anything like that? Thanks in advance.

Central Texas Food Bank is on like.... Stassnry and Montopolis or whatever makes sense in southeast Austin. I did freezer intake last week with a group and it was fun, productive work. A couple of employees supervising volunteers who are sorting, packing, loading on pallets, and moving pallets to the freezer in an assembly line type thing for a couple hours.

[Celery Man 21100]

Do y’all know of any volunteer opportunities in Austin where one can go and help sort out cans at a food bank or help cook meals or anything like that? Thanks in advance.

Central Texas Food Bank is on like.... Stassnry and Montopolis or whatever makes sense in southeast Austin. I did freezer intake last week with a group and it was fun, productive work. A couple of employees supervising volunteers who are sorting, packing, loading on pallets, and moving pallets to the freezer in an assembly line type thing for a couple hours.

[Celery Man 21100]

Do y’all know of any volunteer opportunities in Austin where one can go and help sort out cans at a food bank or help cook meals or anything like that? Thanks in advance.

Central Texas Food Bank is on like.... Stassnry and Montopolis or whatever makes sense in southeast Austin. I did freezer intake last week with a group and it was fun, productive work. A couple of employees supervising volunteers who are sorting, packing, loading on pallets, and moving pallets to the freezer in an assembly line type thing for a couple hours.

[Celery Man 21100]

Do y’all know of any volunteer opportunities in Austin where one can go and help sort out cans at a food bank or help cook meals or anything like that? Thanks in advance.

Central Texas Food Bank is on like.... Stassnry and Montopolis or whatever makes sense in southeast Austin. I did freezer intake last week with a group and it was fun, productive work. A couple of employees supervising volunteers who are sorting, packing, loading on pallets, and moving pallets to the freezer in an assembly line type thing for a couple hours.

[bluto 4999]

Anybody know where central Texas food bank is located?

[Parliament 14610]

It's on like.... Stassnry and Montopolis or whatever makes sense in southeast Austin.

I read that recently.

[OWLVIS 565]

I hate who I've become. Im angry ( and some friends admit I have the right to be, but its still no fun)  Mother is still a black-hearted  cunt, sister still  fighting cancer  And now I have to deal with my 3rd job loss in 4 years. 1.Contract ended 2 Unexpected Election results 3 Statewide project on Economic Development closing 2 years ahead of schedule.  Also 2 floods Tax-day and Harvey. Damage to the house and vehicle   And the Cat died. 

Everybody says just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and go on. But how many times can you do that? All the savings are gone, there is nothing left. And there are still unresolved issues with the house, I can no longer help my sister, I have nothing to offer and for the 3rd Holiday of the last 4 I'm unemployed and no one finds a job in Nov. Dec. and the lights may be turned off mid Dec.

I honestly believe that God means for me to fail, and I cant beat God, every night I pray that I die in the night, as I drive I look for that out of control 18 wheeler that hopefully will hit me.I wish there were a shooting spree that I could jump in the middle of and go out with some dignity

I dont plan on killing myself I wont give the assholes that have contributed to this situation the satisfaction And thats where the hate comes in.its all I have to keep me going but hate kills.

but not quick enough.

And thats where I am in life