Depression, OCD, and whatever else ails you between the ears

[Bogeywon 2549]

9 hours ago, Pokoloco said:

Not sure if I have depression or if I finally just realized that I'm a short, balding, chinless zilch with a big nose and bad teeth.  I've stolen my wife's youth and beauty, my kids don't respect me, I'm never going to be financially secure.  And my college football team will always be second rate.  

You have a purpose and people love you. 

[Reagan1k 3043]

21 hours ago, UpperWestside said:

You are not delusional and you do have a purpose. When you begin the process of coming out of the haze of having lived a life without one you likely aren't going to find it in a day or a week or month. Each day you wake up take stock of yourself and repeat quietly that today you'll be a blessing to someone in some way. When I first stopped drinking I asked God to allow me to be a blessing to at least one person each day. That may have been easier for me because I worked in a restaurant and had many opportunities to interact with people, but each day I can vividly recall meeting someone who needed some joy brought into their life. You can do that too and in turn you'll begin to feel better. 

Eventually you are going to see doors open for your life and those that you love that you never could have imagined were possible. Along the journey you will find your purpose. How you will find it and what it will be is not for me to speculate, but it'll come. When you are willing to help yourself out and do better you put yourself in a position to gain the understanding about your own walk down the road of life. God opened some doors I would have laughed at ever existing just a year ago, but here I am accepting God's blessings. Even if you do not believe in God just believe that there is a purpose for you and you are going to fulfill whatever it is. 

Quoted for truth.   

Having purpose can be simply doing the next right thing and being of service to those around you.  It doesn't have to be curing cancer or ridding the ocean of plastic waste.

It's amazing how you feel when you get out of self and do something for fun and for free and for no other reason.  Standing at a door and waiting for someone - holding it open even if they are 15 steps behind you.  Letting someone go ahead of you in the grocery store just because.  Stopping and picking up trash that isn't yours on property that doesn't below to you.

The "purpose in life" question I believe is a myth, by and large, when it is centered on some type of accomplishment or accolade.  In my experience, those who have a true purpose are those who are servants to mankind.  That's not to say you have to abandon all worldly possessions and become Mother Theresa.  Helping others get what they want (in a healthy and honest way) is a pretty foolproof method of also getting what you want.  It applies as much in business as it does in interpersonal relationships.

There's a great AA speaker who talks about how his professional career and business exploded when he quit focusing on getting what he wanted and instead focused on serving his clients and making sure they were happy and satisfied.  Same goes for relationships, as long as they are healthy and with proper boundaries.

Make a game of it.  See how many times each day you can do something nice for a total stranger or a loved on, without ulterior motives.  If you want to crank it up a level, do so and then see how long you can go without telling anyone about the things you did.  Keep it between you and your higher power.

Long story short - be of service in small ways every day, and larger ways when the opportunity is there, and those things stack upon one another to build that purpose and sense of self worth and contentment. 

[TwiceHorn 32108]

2 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

Quoted for truth.   

Having purpose can be simply doing the next right thing and being of service to those around you.  It doesn't have to be curing cancer or ridding the ocean of plastic waste.

It's amazing how you feel when you get out of self and do something for fun and for free and for no other reason.  Standing at a door and waiting for someone - holding it open even if they are 15 steps behind you.  Letting someone go ahead of you in the grocery store just because.  Stopping and picking up trash that isn't yours on property that doesn't below to you.

The "purpose in life" question I believe is a myth, by and large, when it is centered on some type of accomplishment or accolade.  In my experience, those who have a true purpose are those who are servants to mankind.  That's not to say you have to abandon all worldly possessions and become Mother Theresa.  Helping others get what they want (in a healthy and honest way) is a pretty foolproof method of also getting what you want.  It applies as much in business as it does in interpersonal relationships.

There's a great AA speaker who talks about how his professional career and business exploded when he quit focusing on getting what he wanted and instead focused on serving his clients and making sure they were happy and satisfied.  Same goes for relationships, as long as they are healthy and with proper boundaries.

Make a game of it.  See how many times each day you can do something nice for a total stranger or a loved on, without ulterior motives.  If you want to crank it up a level, do so and then see how long you can go without telling anyone about the things you did.  Keep it between you and your higher power.

Long story short - be of service in small ways every day, and larger ways when the opportunity is there, and those things stack upon one another to build that purpose and sense of self worth and contentment. 

Yep.

For addict/alcoholics, the focus on accomplishment and achievement early in life is just another manifestation of the control that's going to be our undoing.  We seem to be unable to place that in any kind of perspective and the failure to achieve and accomplish just undermines us and contributes to the self-loathing that drives us to drinkin (as well as any hot-rod Lincoln).

I'm not sure it's universally true, but for those of us who suffer, these alleged long-term goals are a fool's errand.

[Reagan1k 3043]

20 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

'm not sure it's universally true, but for those of us who suffer, these alleged long-term goals are a fool's errand.

In my opinion and experience, “seekers” come in all varieties.  Some may be alcoholics or addicts and others simply feel unfulfilled for whatever reasons.

There are those among us walking through life fat, dumb, and happy who don’t seem to need a purpose or fulfillment.  Seekers are wired differently.

Whatever we seek in the macro sense can be gained through stacking lots of micro actions.  The lightning bolt / miracle event isn’t necessary to create a sense of purpose.

It’s the trim of our sail and not the direction or force of the gale that sets our course. 

[RockyMountainHighHorn 929]

Glad to see this thread is still moving along. As someone that struggles with anxiety and addiction, I know all too well the struggle of talking about it. I just wanted to pass along a plug to something my brother is doing. He is running a weekly(?)I think, podcast all about men’s mental health and well being. He interviews a vast variety of people and talks about this topic that is usually too “‘un-manly” to talk about. If you’d like more info about it, let me know-dm or can tag. It’s run on Facebook so that’s all you need, it might be on other platforms but it’s just getting going. Would also appreciate the support since this is something that needs to get talked about more to help people like me/us.

[HRSchenker 2341]

Having a purpose in life is something that I've struggled with a lot lately, it just never clicked as a question I should ask myself. As wild as this sounds my life felt so much better when I lived it as an underdog. Whether it be in school or my current career I always felt like I was the underdog that nobody expects great things from. For whatever reason the world expects me to play by a different set of rules. You ever see The Elephant Man? That's me. Everyone in the world gets to sleep on their back but I have to sleep on my knees. I finally got to a point in my life where I felt like I wasn't the underdog and it's just been hell. I feel like I've been living these past few years as a spectator. I'm watching other people be successful and staring at the mirror in my shower wondering why I'm not. 

But the more I think about it, I think I'm just a disruptor. I don't mean yelling during a movie disruption but Eddie Cochems "I'm going to invent something called the forward pass and implement it at our next football game" disruption. Maybe that's my purpose is to be the underdog who breaks all the rules. Maybe that gets my life back on track.

I'm also going bald and people tell me that I need to keep my hair so I guess keeping in with the theme I have no choice but to shave it all off

[Bogeywon 2549]

For me talking about my mental health has never been a issue. For me I just want help if that makes sense. So if my therapist asks I’ll answer or if I hear of someone in my office struggling I make it a point to approach that person and let them know I struggle too and if they’d like to hear my story I’ll give them the short version. I’m not embarrassed that I spent a week in a mental health facility. I’m not afraid to tell people that I cry so uncontrollably when I have panic attacks that my wife has to hold me. People should talk about this more. I’m great full for this thread. Also I started using a app called better help. I think it’s like $80 a week and you get a therapist assigned to you (you can change them if you don’t like the one assigned to you) and you can do as many zoom calls as you want a week. In addition there is a messaging system on there that you can message your therapist when ever you want and they respond that day. There’s also a journal on there if you want. I love it. Cheaper then once a week appointment that cost $150-$175. I had a attack this morning but thankfully it’s gone now only a few hours later but man I feel like I ran a marathon. 

[Bozo_Casanova 26910]

I think it is really important to talk about it. Not to put the burden on others, but to normalize their understanding of mental health so that those who don't suffer from these things can come to see that it's no more a character flaw than bad knees, and so that those who do can begin to give themselves a break. 

As for me, this is a bad time. I'm stir crazy from a lack of weekly travel and in-person selling and my kids are growing up and I'm spending too much time ruminating over things not done.

I'm middle aged and still maybe ahead of the curve but I can't escape time anymore than I can gravity. I got way further in my career than I should have on paper and I did it on straight hustle, and I'm doing well by any objective standard, but what happened to my life, I ask myself. 

Once upon a time I was handsome and strong, I was cheerful and brave and funny and smart. I was a good father and even a good husband, more or less. And yet, here we are, with two great kids, a good job, a wife I love and wanting for nothing, and I can't be happy with it because it feels like I let everybody down. 

I'll pull myself out, because I always do. But I am in the weeds at this moment, and I'm managing it badly. Ugh. 

Edited December 22, 2020 by Bozo_Casanova

[TwiceHorn 32108]

On 12/19/2020 at 12:34 PM, Reagan1k said:

In my opinion and experience, “seekers” come in all varieties.  Some may be alcoholics or addicts and others simply feel unfulfilled for whatever reasons.

There are those among us walking through life fat, dumb, and happy who don’t seem to need a purpose or fulfillment.  Seekers are wired differently.

Whatever we seek in the macro sense can be gained through stacking lots of micro actions.  The lightning bolt / miracle event isn’t necessary to create a sense of purpose.

It’s the trim of our sail and not the direction or force of the gale that sets our course. 

That's good stuff right there.

[TwiceHorn 32108]

4 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

I think it is really important to talk about it. Not to put the burden on others, but to normalize their understanding of mental health so that those who don't suffer from these things can come to see that it's no more a character flaw than bad knees, and so that those who do can begin to give themselves a break. 

As for me, this is a bad time. I'm stir crazy from a lack of weekly travel and in-person selling and my kids are growing up and I'm spending too much time ruminating over things not done.

I'm middle aged and still maybe ahead of the curve but I can't escape time anymore than I can gravity. I got way further in my career than I should have on paper and I did it on straight hustle, and I'm doing well by any objective standard, but what happened to my life, I ask myself. 

Once upon a time I was handsome and strong, I was cheerful and brave and funny and smart. I was a good father and even a good husband, more or less. And yet, here we are, with two great kids, a good job, a wife I love and wanting for nothing, and I can't be happy with it because it feels like I let everybody down. 

I'll pull myself out, because I always do. But I am in the weeds at this moment, and I'm managing it badly. Ugh. 

Yeah, I sometimes ruminate on the past and where the time all went and wtf have i been doing.  But that's a luxury I can't really afford, so, if nothing else, I just tell myself to stop thinking about it.

Which brings up something kind of important:  your self-dialog.  Those little conversations you have with yourself, and maybe your higher power is listening in, can be really self-defeating, or at least neutral, and at times empowering.  I find that a fair number of people that are "wallowing" are having a really negative internal dialog.

[Bozo_Casanova 26910]

Just now, TwiceHorn said:

Which brings up something kind of important:  your self-dialog.  Those little conversations you have with yourself, and maybe your higher power is listening in, can be really self-defeating, or at least neutral, and at times empowering.  I find that a fair number of people that are "wallowing" are having a really negative internal dialog.

Oh, no doubt. But, easier said than done, obviously.  I mean, you don't wake up at 3am thinking "I have made the most of every moment."

[TwiceHorn 32108]

4 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Oh, no doubt. But, easier said than done, obviously.  I mean, you don't wake up at 3am thinking "I have made the most of every moment."

Yep yep.  The "you" part wasn't really directed at you.  You, bozo, seem to have your shit pretty wired.

I just wanted to make the point about the "internal dialog."  Some of us have trouble shutting down the internal negativity.  It takes some practice, seriously like Stuart Smalley in the mirror practice for some.  You can't always replace it with something positive, but you can at least shut it down.  Gratitude is a good substitute.

Edited December 22, 2020 by TwiceHorn

[Lidig8r 1906]

[Lidig8r 1906]

[TwiceHorn 32108]

That's brutal, Lid.  You have my sympathies.

[Pablo 500]

I just dipped into this thread and felt compelled to post.

Some personal info about me, late 40s, got married in 2000.  No children, about to be officially divorced.

At the end of 2019, discovered my wife was having an affair as the person she had been seeing called me while I returning from a trip out of town.

In March, I finally can't take living with her ask her to leave our apartment.  Filed for divorce in September.

Depression, anxiety, living alone for the first time in my adult life mixed in with the pandemic and quarantine life.

This year has been really challenging and I've definitely relied on drinking frequently to get through the sadness and loneliness.

I'm starting to feel a little better about myself, starting to finally cook my own meals and trying to drink less.

Haven't had suicidal thoughts, but many nights of very deep sadness and like right now having a hard time going to sleep.

Really hoping that I can start feeling better soon.

[TwiceHorn 32108]

5 hours ago, Pablo said:

I just dipped into this thread and felt compelled to post.

Some personal info about me, late 40s, got married in 2000.  No children, about to be officially divorced.

At the end of 2019, discovered my wife was having an affair as the person she had been seeing called me while I returning from a trip out of town.

In March, I finally can't take living with her ask her to leave our apartment.  Filed for divorce in September.

Depression, anxiety, living alone for the first time in my adult life mixed in with the pandemic and quarantine life.

This year has been really challenging and I've definitely relied on drinking frequently to get through the sadness and loneliness.

I'm starting to feel a little better about myself, starting to finally cook my own meals and trying to drink less.

Haven't had suicidal thoughts, but many nights of very deep sadness and like right now having a hard time going to sleep.

Really hoping that I can start feeling better soon.

Glad it's coming back together.  Funny thing about alcohol, it's a very fine depressant.  It makes you feel good by lowering inhibitions "on the way down," but in the longer run, it's just going to make you more depressed.

Even for those who can "handle it" without longer-term repercussions, it's kind of a bad choice.  We all kind of "know" that, but there's actually some science behind it.

And I'm not suggesting you go out and acquire something "speedy," but it would be a "better" choice, chemically.

One sleeping aid that can be very effective is benadryl.  For some people, though, it amps them up. If you aren't one of those, it can really help you shut off your mind and get to sleep.

Edited December 22, 2020 by TwiceHorn

[Bozo_Casanova 26910]

13 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

Yep yep.  The "you" part wasn't really directed at you.  You, bozo, seem to have your shit pretty wired.

I just wanted to make the point about the "internal dialog."  Some of us have trouble shutting down the internal negativity.  It takes some practice, seriously like Stuart Smalley in the mirror practice for some.  You can't always replace it with something positive, but you can at least shut it down.  Gratitude is a good substitute.

I wouldn’t say I have anything wired, but that’s what I meant about the importance of normalizing it.

I view occasional depression the way people think of flares of rheumatoid arthritis or other intermittent disease. I sucks but I don’t blame myself or feel any shame, and I’ve got strategies to manage it, acts and self-talk of gratitude being among the most important. This is just particularly intense, I think, because of all the oppressive strangeness of this moment. There’s really no normal to get back to.

Edited December 22, 2020 by Bozo_Casanova

[TwiceHorn 32108]

3 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

I wouldn’t say I have anything wired, but that’s what I meant about the importance of normalizing it.

I view occasional depression the way people think of flares of rheumatoid arthritis or other intermittent disease. I sucks but I don’t blame myself or feel any shame, and I’ve got strategies to manage it, acts and self-talk of gratitude being among the most important. This is just particularly intense, I think, because of all the oppressive strangeness of this moment. There’s really no normal to get back to.

By "wired," I don't mean to say you are free of the black dog or other ailments that pop up.  I don't think any of us escape these things completely.  And that is important to note.

But some of us have better coping skills than others.  Sometimes, those skills are almost innate, and sometimes they are acquired by hard lessons and work.

We should normalize the conditions, normalize talking about them, and normalize the things you can do to avoid letting them consume you.  Even saying it out loud and trying to articulate what it is that you're feeling can be really difficult.

[troph 25248]

6 hours ago, Pablo said:

I just dipped into this thread and felt compelled to post.

Some personal info about me, late 40s, got married in 2000.  No children, about to be officially divorced.

At the end of 2019, discovered my wife was having an affair as the person she had been seeing called me while I returning from a trip out of town.

In March, I finally can't take living with her ask her to leave our apartment.  Filed for divorce in September.

Depression, anxiety, living alone for the first time in my adult life mixed in with the pandemic and quarantine life.

This year has been really challenging and I've definitely relied on drinking frequently to get through the sadness and loneliness.

I'm starting to feel a little better about myself, starting to finally cook my own meals and trying to drink less.

Haven't had suicidal thoughts, but many nights of very deep sadness and like right now having a hard time going to sleep.

Really hoping that I can start feeling better soon.

hang in there.  drinking is super dangerous right now.  I'm about to do the dryuary thing (again) and it's really amazing for your body and your mental health.  what you eat, getting outdoors, exercise and talk man.  add a hobby, add three. find a thing that takes effort to learn and learn it.  A sport, a craft, anything.  tennis, scuba, guitar, piano, painting, writing, model airplanes, dj-mixing, whatever it is.  call friends, talk to them.  and be vigilant.  the vanishing daylight hours - even if we are on the beginning of the upside - can be brutal.  don't have to get complicated with it, we cannot escape the physiology of this.  I really do think that's the place we can start.  hang in there, it gets better.

[troph 25248]

seems like 2020 is the year of death and destruction.  lidig8r I'm so sorry for the relentlessness of it all.  it's taking a toll on everyone. 

[YChang 3571]

This poem by T.S. Elliot feels appropriate. At first read it might seem depressing, but I get a feeling/sense of living mindfully with this...

Wait Without Hope

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
Whisper of running streams, and winter lightning.
The wild thyme unseen and the wild strawberry,
The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy
Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
Of death and birth.

[UpperWestside 6285]

On 12/20/2020 at 10:32 PM, HRSchenker said:

Having a purpose in life is something that I've struggled with a lot lately, it just never clicked as a question I should ask myself. As wild as this sounds my life felt so much better when I lived it as an underdog. Whether it be in school or my current career I always felt like I was the underdog that nobody expects great things from. For whatever reason the world expects me to play by a different set of rules. You ever see The Elephant Man? That's me. Everyone in the world gets to sleep on their back but I have to sleep on my knees. I finally got to a point in my life where I felt like I wasn't the underdog and it's just been hell. I feel like I've been living these past few years as a spectator. I'm watching other people be successful and staring at the mirror in my shower wondering why I'm not. 

But the more I think about it, I think I'm just a disruptor. I don't mean yelling during a movie disruption but Eddie Cochems "I'm going to invent something called the forward pass and implement it at our next football game" disruption. Maybe that's my purpose is to be the underdog who breaks all the rules. Maybe that gets my life back on track.

I'm also going bald and people tell me that I need to keep my hair so I guess keeping in with the theme I have no choice but to shave it all off

Thank you for sharing all of that. I personally believe that if you feel you are destined to go down such a path and that your particular disruption can be a force of positive change you should definitely follow your instinct. We all have a purpose in this life and that would be awesome to see you fulfill yours in that way!

[UpperWestside 6285]

On 12/21/2020 at 7:34 PM, Bozo_Casanova said:

I think it is really important to talk about it. Not to put the burden on others, but to normalize their understanding of mental health so that those who don't suffer from these things can come to see that it's no more a character flaw than bad knees, and so that those who do can begin to give themselves a break. 

As for me, this is a bad time. I'm stir crazy from a lack of weekly travel and in-person selling and my kids are growing up and I'm spending too much time ruminating over things not done.

I'm middle aged and still maybe ahead of the curve but I can't escape time anymore than I can gravity. I got way further in my career than I should have on paper and I did it on straight hustle, and I'm doing well by any objective standard, but what happened to my life, I ask myself. 

Once upon a time I was handsome and strong, I was cheerful and brave and funny and smart. I was a good father and even a good husband, more or less. And yet, here we are, with two great kids, a good job, a wife I love and wanting for nothing, and I can't be happy with it because it feels like I let everybody down. 

I'll pull myself out, because I always do. But I am in the weeds at this moment, and I'm managing it badly. Ugh. 

You haven’t let a single person in your family down. I know you feel like you should be out there working like you normally would, but the world is turned upside down. I see you post quite a bit in CR. Your posts seems to come from the place of someone who is an inherently good human being and I personally enjoy reading them. I am certain your family loves you and is glad you are around. It is great thought that you used this place to let out how you are feeling. More of us on this site could stand to be as open and honest about our feelings as you have been with what you wrote.

[cactusflinthead 27628]

All y'all getting rep.

I have a lot of catching up to do in here. Glad to see everyone stepping up. 

 

[Helobious 9825]

On 12/21/2020 at 6:34 PM, Bozo_Casanova said:

I think it is really important to talk about it. Not to put the burden on others, but to normalize their understanding of mental health so that those who don't suffer from these things can come to see that it's no more a character flaw than bad knees, and so that those who do can begin to give themselves a break. 

As for me, this is a bad time. I'm stir crazy from a lack of weekly travel and in-person selling and my kids are growing up and I'm spending too much time ruminating over things not done.

I'm middle aged and still maybe ahead of the curve but I can't escape time anymore than I can gravity. I got way further in my career than I should have on paper and I did it on straight hustle, and I'm doing well by any objective standard, but what happened to my life, I ask myself. 

Once upon a time I was handsome and strong, I was cheerful and brave and funny and smart. I was a good father and even a good husband, more or less. And yet, here we are, with two great kids, a good job, a wife I love and wanting for nothing, and I can't be happy with it because it feels like I let everybody down. 

I'll pull myself out, because I always do. But I am in the weeds at this moment, and I'm managing it badly. Ugh. 

 

[Bozo_Casanova 26910]

On 12/23/2020 at 5:56 PM, UpperWestside said:

You haven’t let a single person in your family down. I know you feel like you should be out there working like you normally would, but the world is turned upside down. I see you post quite a bit in CR. Your posts seems to come from the place of someone who is an inherently good human being and I personally enjoy reading them. I am certain your family loves you and is glad you are around. It is great thought that you used this place to let out how you are feeling. More of us on this site could stand to be as open and honest about our feelings as you have been with what you wrote.

Thanks very much for the kind words and I appreciate the forum. I making some changes to my external factors to reel it back. 
I decided to dry out for January, and have spent the last two days mostly outside. I’m also not doomscrolling after 8:30PM. So, I’ve gotten 6+ hours of sleep the last two nights, which is really good for me.
Amazing what simply not overdosing on a depressant daily and a little sun can do for a depressed person. 

Edited January 4, 2021 by Bozo_Casanova

[XYZ 2154]

What’s “doomscrolling”?

[Cheeseweasel 26443]

1 hour ago, XYZ said:

What’s “doomscrolling”?

Hanging out on internet sites with constantly negative news. Think: Cloak Room.

[Bozo_Casanova 26910]

1 hour ago, XYZ said:

What’s “doomscrolling”?

Doomsurfing and Doomscrolling
 

Quote

Doomscrolling and doomsurfing are new terms referring to the tendency to continue to surf or scroll through bad news, even though that news is saddening, disheartening, or depressing.

Doomscrolling is the mobile version. 

[troph 25248]

reading up on the last many posts as the doomscrolling question caught my eye.  since the election and through both holidays I decided to cut myself tremendous slack and recharge and disengage from the news.  It was much needed.  I slept until 10am many mornings (one good thing about having teenagers they let you sleep in) and I think that proved I was doing the right thing and that my mental health was not great.  I also did two things that I think are really important for people like us - I used self talk/self dialogue to reframe some stuff.  2020 was not the year of COVID, it was the year I learned to fly fish.  I've spent dozens of hours trying to acquire the skill just this year and untolds amount of cash on trips in the past and waste hours wishing I could but doing nothing about it.  I also started thanking my girlfriend for 5 things everyday.  She didn't know I was doing it "intentionally" but I was and it helped.  I was not a fun person to be around this year and if I'm not fun then I might not be anything for someone as a partner.  Yeah, I'm reliable for work but everyone assumes they can find someone reliable.  What makes the wheels go round for my relationships, even with my kids is that I bring the fun.  That was hard this year, and things got sour, so the holiday season I decided to start by simply thanking her for being there for me and acknowledging that I was depressed.  Things seem a lot better now, hoping for the vaccine but even if we have another tough 6 months or longer, we've got some stuff planned with sailing and scuba lessons for all of us to add more skills and hobbies.  Even if this year is a COVID year, we will come out ready to make some epic memories as a family. 

Now I'm also in dryuary and no alcohol for a month, on a low carb sustenance plan and working out more.  I've dropped my water retention and a few real pounds since starting after Christmas and am headed in the right direction.  the math equation is still the same - eat right, avoid too much alcohol, get outside, exercise, self-talk/self dialogue, be productive, be grateful, engage in my hobbies and try and stay in the present.

Normalize is right, from the outside looking in, folks would think I just grind.  I don't, I fall in a hole often and it sucks.  I'm not a pariah, I'm not beyond repair or without value, not mentally ill or mentally disabled.  I'm just a human with a tad more senstivity than others and I'm figuring out how to manage.  we all can.

any new folks to this or any lurkers, the stuart smalley thing is funny but true.  stand in front of the mirror when no one is around and talk to yourself - in the eye.  I started self talk exercises in college. It was silly but it worked, say fantastic things like "your a bad mother fucker" and "you will dominate" and "you've got this" and "hell yeah you're gonna x,y or z" and if it's negativity that's all over you, say stuff like, "it's going to be ok" and "we will get through this together" and do these sessions often.  They really do work.

We all have one life, that's it.  every one of us can make it something special.

and bozo - we've known each other a long while through these boards, you're a stand up guy, what every kiddo and (straight) woman would want.  and if you want to lose a few lbs then do it.  It's ok if we aren't famous and changing the world like Angela Merkel or Neil Tyson-Degrassee or whomever.  If you are loving your people and they can rely on you and they feel safe and loved then you are an allstar.

Edited January 4, 2021 by troph

[Bogeywon 2549]

When I get anxiety attacks it feels like there’s so much adrenaline running in my body. Does anyone else throw up when it gets to intense? This happens to me in the morning. Wake up with a attack get my daughter ready for school shower then when I get to putting on my shoes and tying them I get overwhelmed with nausea and I dry Heave 

[mchookem 16784]

9 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Hanging out on internet sites with constantly negative news. Think: Cloak Room.

...or Football 😄

[Message Board User 12409]

On 1/4/2021 at 8:42 AM, Bozo_Casanova said:

I’m also not doomscrolling

This is absolutely essential to happiness these days given that we are in information-overload 24/7.

Like some of you, a few months ago I stopped watching the news religiously, stopped checking various twitter feeds several times per hour, and stopped posting on Shaggy Surly nearly as much as I was doing in the Fall.  And I'm much, much happier for it.  I know some posters on this site are posting 100s of times per day and I'm just thinking "Dude, go out and enjoy life instead of living your life in an echo chamber."  I think many doomscrollers actually look forward to getting upset.

Somewhat relatedly, I'm a big believer in the DBT concept of radical acceptance and I extend it to relationships (accepting others the way they are...not they way I want them to be), the news (accepting the world the way it is and not how it should be), Covid (lockdown or no lockdown, shit's spreading like South Austin's mom and we need to accept it) and even family.  

 

 

[Message Board User 12409]

On 1/4/2021 at 4:20 PM, Bogeywon said:

When I get anxiety attacks it feels like there’s so much adrenaline running in my body. Does anyone else throw up when it gets to intense? This happens to me in the morning. Wake up with a attack get my daughter ready for school shower then when I get to putting on my shoes and tying them I get overwhelmed with nausea and I dry Heave 

That...is not normal. 

anything specific that gets your adrenaline pumping?

Without knowing your situation, I might suggest some relaxation scripts or even mindfulness or exercise in the morning before anyone else in your house wakes up.

[Bogeywon 2549]

9 hours ago, Message Board User said:

That...is not normal. 

anything specific that gets your adrenaline pumping?

Without knowing your situation, I might suggest some relaxation scripts or even mindfulness or exercise in the morning before anyone else in your house wakes up.

No I just wake up out of a dead sleep and it’s in over drive. No bad dreams no bad no bad vibes. 

[ImGolfn 77]

I haven't checked in here in a while it feels like.  Work is slammed at the golf course.  Rounds, lessons all through the roof. Thanks covid I guess.  But between the Rona and now the election, post election, DC riot I found myself thinking I'm glad Sammie isn't here for this.   That upset me.  Is it wrong, am I wrong. I know depression and suicides are way up during this.   I know mine is up, I'm tired of living like this.   But it angers me that I'm somehow glad she's not here through this.  It's not like I don't think of her daily and miss her but damn if this ain't a depressing time to be alive.   But I go on, still here.  

[TwiceHorn 32108]

On 1/7/2021 at 7:11 AM, Bogeywon said:

No I just wake up out of a dead sleep and it’s in over drive. No bad dreams no bad no bad vibes. 

I don't experience anxiety much, or a very low level of it.  But I talk to people diagnosed with panic disorders quite a bit.  For most of them, something triggers it.  Something happens that goes right past all rational thinking and straight to the adrenal cortex.

Have you been thoroughly checked out medically?

[Bogeywon 2549]

9 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I don't experience anxiety much, or a very low level of it.  But I talk to people diagnosed with panic disorders quite a bit.  For most of them, something triggers it.  Something happens that goes right past all rational thinking and straight to the adrenal cortex.

Have you been thoroughly checked out medically?

Have a appointment 1/21. Have had all the tests though and everything comes back fine

[Bogeywon 2549]

9 hours ago, ImGolfn said:

I haven't checked in here in a while it feels like.  Work is slammed at the golf course.  Rounds, lessons all through the roof. Thanks covid I guess.  But between the Rona and now the election, post election, DC riot I found myself thinking I'm glad Sammie isn't here for this.   That upset me.  Is it wrong, am I wrong. I know depression and suicides are way up during this.   I know mine is up, I'm tired of living like this.   But it angers me that I'm somehow glad she's not here through this.  It's not like I don't think of her daily and miss her but damn if this ain't a depressing time to be alive.   But I go on, still here.  

I struggle as well. I think about what life would be like for others if I wasn’t here. But people need me here I need to be here and so do you. 

[cactusflinthead 27628]

I don't know why I am bumping this but I am.

 

[Message Board User 12409]

1 hour ago, cactusflinthead said:

I don't know why I am bumping this but I am.

 

After a few beers, I'll bump anything.

[cactusflinthead 27628]

About to go bump that Protest Song thread.

Because it's Friday and I can.

 

[ROFL BOX 6655]

8 hours ago, Message Board User said:

After a few beers, I'll bump anything.

Anything is "bump-able" if you try hard enough.

[chikin23 385]

Had a tough day Tuesday that is still at the forefront of my brain. Once again, making a mountain out of a molehill but the "self doubt" and "worry" voices in my head are a lot louder than the "reassuring" voice.

[Sandman 3435]

My brother-in-law passed away yesterday. He had some kind of cardiac event a week ago and stopped breathing, my sister was working from home and was able to call 911 & start CPR. They had to put him into a medically induced coma, as he wasn't getting enough oxygen and was having seizures. Things started to look like they were improving over the last couple of days, then they said that was it, they couldn't do anything to save him. I still don't understand what happened. The worst part is that he was only 57, he had so much life left.

He was a great man. Loved and cared for my sister for 17 years. Served his country in the Marine Corps for 22 years. Busted his ass to get a masters degree and took every education/training course his job would offer. But he was so humble, you'd never hear him talk about himself or make himself appear to be some kind of big shot, even though he was.

My sister didn't expect to be a widow at 50. She's handling it as well as she can but it's so hard. My dad is just crushed, he loved my BIL so much. They shared that bond that retired military vets have. I'm struggling with the reality of this, I just can't believe it happened. It feels exactly the same as when my mother died. This is a bullshit carnival ride and I want to get off.

[UpperWestside 6285]

19 minutes ago, Sandman said:

My brother-in-law passed away yesterday. He had some kind of cardiac event a week ago and stopped breathing, my sister was working from home and was able to call 911 & start CPR. They had to put him into a medically induced coma, as he wasn't getting enough oxygen and was having seizures. Things started to look like they were improving over the last couple of days, then they said that was it, they couldn't do anything to save him. I still don't understand what happened. The worst part is that he was only 57, he had so much life left.

He was a great man. Loved and cared for my sister for 17 years. Served his country in the Marine Corps for 22 years. Busted his ass to get a masters degree and took every education/training course his job would offer. But he was so humble, you'd never hear him talk about himself or make himself appear to be some kind of big shot, even though he was.

My sister didn't expect to be a widow at 50. She's handling it as well as she can but it's so hard. My dad is just crushed, he loved my BIL so much. They shared that bond that retired military vets have. I'm struggling with the reality of this, I just can't believe it happened. It feels exactly the same as when my mother died. This is a bullshit carnival ride and I want to get off.

I am so sorry for your incredibly big loss. I do not have much in the advice to offer other than we are here for you. Process the loss of your brother-in-law for however long it takes. Again I am really sorry and I hope you and your family find some comfort together right now.

[XYZ 2154]

3 hours ago, Sandman said:

My brother-in-law passed away yesterday. He had some kind of cardiac event a week ago and stopped breathing, my sister was working from home and was able to call 911 & start CPR. They had to put him into a medically induced coma, as he wasn't getting enough oxygen and was having seizures. Things started to look like they were improving over the last couple of days, then they said that was it, they couldn't do anything to save him. I still don't understand what happened. The worst part is that he was only 57, he had so much life left.

He was a great man. Loved and cared for my sister for 17 years. Served his country in the Marine Corps for 22 years. Busted his ass to get a masters degree and took every education/training course his job would offer. But he was so humble, you'd never hear him talk about himself or make himself appear to be some kind of big shot, even though he was.

My sister didn't expect to be a widow at 50. She's handling it as well as she can but it's so hard. My dad is just crushed, he loved my BIL so much. They shared that bond that retired military vets have. I'm struggling with the reality of this, I just can't believe it happened. It feels exactly the same as when my mother died. This is a bullshit carnival ride and I want to get off.

I really is a bullshit carnival ride.

[ROFL BOX 6655]

I clicked "like" on your B-i-L passing info, but obv. I don't actually "like" it.  Can we get a "Shit, that sucks +1" reaction up in here?

[UpperWestside 6285]

I am sitting here in Charlotte this morning waiting for a connecting flight to Austin. Tomorrow my family will bury my aunt. It still feels surreal that she is gone. I am posting this here because my aunt carried heavy emotional burdens and turned to heavy drinking to get through it. She was never mean to me not one time in my entire life and now she is gone at 53 years young. I could say she was a nurse for 33 years and that she knew the alcohol was destroying her body, but the depression for a myriad of reasons was too much. 
 

I felt compelled to call her about a month and a half ago and we talked for over an hour. We had not gotten to speak for that long in maybe 15 years. She was the same sweet person I remembered as a young toddler that would stop by to play with my younger brother and I when she was in high school. I am glad she stopped drinking a couple of months before she passed. The alcohol may have taken her body, but not her mind in the end. 
 

I say this to tell y’all who are struggling with the ills of life to please talk to someone. Seek out a good therapist and talk about life. Confide in close friends about your struggles. Do not be embarrassed to share how you are feeling or what you are going through. We are all just people trying to make it through one more unpromised day.

Edited January 28, 2021 by UpperWestside