Depression, OCD, and whatever else ails you between the ears

[Lidig8r 1852]

Well hell ... what a past few weeks it has been.

I got a call on Thursday, Nov. 10 from the wife a very good friend of mine. Our children were in Indian Princess together. So, we have known each other for about 25 years. The day before, he went to his mom's house, saw his step nephew apparently trying to break into the house. Goes up to him. (The dude is 24 years old and is a body builder). A fight breaks out. A gunshot is heard by his wife. My friend slumps over. Shot in the head. The next morning, he is pulled off life support. Fortunately, a number of his organs were donated.

10 hours before, I had 2 doctor friends of mine send text messages to me asking if I had read the just released article from what they thought was a well-respected professional. This doctor opined that severe and enduring eating disorders could be terminal and those patients should be allowed to have physician assisted suicide. Good Lord. My daughter fought until her last breath.

Tuesday, March 15, my SO gets a text from a long time client of hers. His wife who was fighting cancer, apparently went to UT Southwestern for routine treatment. AS I understand it, an embolism developed and went to her brain. Although they got her heart started, the damage was done. On March 16, she was removed from life support.

The next day, March 17, I am standing up in St. Thomas Aquinas Church giving the eulogy for my dear friend. What do you say when their loss is so senseless? Fortunately, he had left a colorful history of his life on Facebook and in text messages to me. And sometimes, we are merely conduits for a greater message that those in such pain need.

The circle becomes full tomorrow. On March 24, i am being awarded the 2022 Ruth Sharp Altshuler Community Advocate Award by Mental Health America. When I look back on past recipients, it is like a "who's who" of mental health providers.And I have done nothing yet to deserve this. I really have no choice and am being directed to this work by forces I am not meant to understand.

The following day starts the real battle with a treatment center based in California and operating in St. Louis. Therapists supplying alcohol and illegal drugs to patients. Sexual contact with patients. Destruction of evidence. I currently represent 7 people who were hurt up there. 6 employees were fired. A multi-billion dollar private equity company owns them.  They have one of the most powerful law firms representing them.

And what do I have? The passion from a child dying compelling me to continue on this path?

I don't know why i am writing this. Other than this is a good place to vent. No... more so than that. Despite all of the ass whippings on here. the amount of compassion and intelligence and understanding can be truly inspiring.

So, Gentlemen, go give your kids a big hug. Tell them you love them. Embrace life. Embrace love. Turn obstacles into opportunities.

[Shoxthemonkey 1976]

10 hours ago, Lidig8r said:

Well hell ... what a past few weeks it has been.

I got a call on Thursday, Nov. 10 from the wife a very good friend of mine. Our children were in Indian Princess together. So, we have known each other for about 25 years. The day before, he went to his mom's house, saw his step nephew apparently trying to break into the house. Goes up to him. (The dude is 24 years old and is a body builder). A fight breaks out. A gunshot is heard by his wife. My friend slumps over. Shot in the head. The next morning, he is pulled off life support. Fortunately, a number of his organs were donated.

10 hours before, I had 2 doctor friends of mine send text messages to me asking if I had read the just released article from what they thought was a well-respected professional. This doctor opined that severe and enduring eating disorders could be terminal and those patients should be allowed to have physician assisted suicide. Good Lord. My daughter fought until her last breath.

Tuesday, March 15, my SO gets a text from a long time client of hers. His wife who was fighting cancer, apparently went to UT Southwestern for routine treatment. AS I understand it, an embolism developed and went to her brain. Although they got her heart started, the damage was done. On March 16, she was removed from life support.

The next day, March 17, I am standing up in St. Thomas Aquinas Church giving the eulogy for my dear friend. What do you say when their loss is so senseless? Fortunately, he had left a colorful history of his life on Facebook and in text messages to me. And sometimes, we are merely conduits for a greater message that those in such pain need.

The circle becomes full tomorrow. On March 24, i am being awarded the 2022 Ruth Sharp Altshuler Community Advocate Award by Mental Health America. When I look back on past recipients, it is like a "who's who" of mental health providers.And I have done nothing yet to deserve this. I really have no choice and am being directed to this work by forces I am not meant to understand.

The following day starts the real battle with a treatment center based in California and operating in St. Louis. Therapists supplying alcohol and illegal drugs to patients. Sexual contact with patients. Destruction of evidence. I currently represent 7 people who were hurt up there. 6 employees were fired. A multi-billion dollar private equity company owns them.  They have one of the most powerful law firms representing them.

And what do I have? The passion from a child dying compelling me to continue on this path?

I don't know why i am writing this. Other than this is a good place to vent. No... more so than that. Despite all of the ass whippings on here. the amount of compassion and intelligence and understanding can be truly inspiring.

So, Gentlemen, go give your kids a big hug. Tell them you love them. Embrace life. Embrace love. Turn obstacles into opportunities.

Others obviously see your passion for the cause and recognize your good works. You are definitely worthy of the award. I don’t like to use the hook ‘‘em but a like seemed underwhelming. Keep up the good work. Folks appreciate it. 

[mchookem 16182]

On 3/23/2022 at 11:45 PM, Lidig8r said:

 

10 hours before, I had 2 doctor friends of mine send text messages to me asking if I had read the just released article from what they thought was a well-respected professional. This doctor opined that severe and enduring eating disorders could be terminal and those patients should be allowed to have physician assisted suicide. Good Lord. My daughter fought until her last breath.

i don't know if you remember but I shared my niece's eating disorder 'journey' with you many months ago and how your story really touched me and how i related to it...

so i want to ask... what is this horseshit?? 😡

ugh. my niece is doing pretty well the past year..but over the holidays i said something offhand about being a 'recovering anorexic' and she gave me kind of a sad, bemused look and said "i prefer to say 'in remission'" 😕 gave me great pause and fear.

also... your fight on behalf of your daughter and others is more than worthy of recognition ❤️ 🤘

Edited March 26, 2022 by mchookem

[SKJ 1305]

What is it when you just can't feel anything anymore? This feeling comes over me more and more each day. 

[statsman 5418]

Lidig8r, you jogged some thoughts that have been rattling around in my head. There have been some deaths (medical, not violence) in my family and people are taking it hard. Tell me if this makes sense. 
 
Years ago, I read a translation of the Egyptian “Book of the Dead”. It didn’t make sense, as it was written as if the dead were all around us, in different states of existence. Some like wraiths, some like active participants, some like gods. I guess this made sense to the Egyptians, but not to me. 
 
Then, it hit me. The Egyptians didn’t have David Hume to differentiate between perception of reality and unreality. They didn’t have a universe ordered by the 2nd law of thermodynamics. They just had what they knew, and they knew their loved ones that passed were real. Their feelings for them were still here. Their memories of them are still here. Their lives, molded by the passed, were real. So, how could you say they were gone, for good, never to be considered again?

 Thinking that way, I figure it’s ok to talk to my dead brother, when I want to. It’s ok to still get encouragement from the confidence my passed mother always had for me. They are passed, but they are real, and their love for me is still real, too. 
 
I wonder if, when we bury our dead, literally, if we’re too quick to also bury them figuratively. Are we hurrying too quickly into a world absent them? Does that sound crazy?

[TwiceHorn 31240]

17 hours ago, SKJ said:

What is it when you just can't feel anything anymore? This feeling comes over me more and more each day. 

There is a neurological type disorder called "anhedonia" in which one doesn't experience pleasure.  Can occur in recovery from meth and coke, the stimulant drugs.  Not implying that you have had problems with those.

Other than that, I'd suspect good ol depression.

[SKJ 1305]

43 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

There is a neurological type disorder called "anhedonia" in which one doesn't experience pleasure.  Can occur in recovery from meth and coke, the stimulant drugs.  Not implying that you have had problems with those.

Other than that, I'd suspect good ol depression.

Pretty sure it's not anhedonia... I guess I'm a little depressed,  but I don't feel down and out,  and not sad... just a little numb lately.  And it's getting worse.  

[BearSchlong 8077]

It's called 2022, and it fucking sucks when you're having panic attacks and have a hard time dealing with self-centered fear. So many things up in the air right now, Dad died, son is deployed, daughter graduating college, house on the market, hating my job and making a dramatic career change.  As y'all know, I'm a recovered alcoholic.  My psychiatrist and I had a talk a few weeks back and I'm going to counseling for panic attacks and anxiety.  And my wife has a bottle of Valium that was prescribed to me and dispenses half of a tablet to me when my heart starts pounding, because I'm not going to relapse over anything more remarkable than life on life's terms.  It just seems to all be happening to me at once. 

[cactusflinthead 27594]

6 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

It's called 2022, and it fucking sucks when you're having panic attacks and have a hard time dealing with self-centered fear. So many things up in the air right now, Dad died, son is deployed, daughter graduating college, house on the market, hating my job and making a dramatic career change.  As y'all know, I'm a recovered alcoholic.  My psychiatrist and I had a talk a few weeks back and I'm going to counseling for panic attacks and anxiety.  And my wife has a bottle of Valium that was prescribed to me and dispenses half of a tablet to me when my heart starts pounding, because I'm not going to relapse over anything more remarkable than life on life's terms.  It just seems to all be happening to me at once. 

You can do it. You were damn near dead at one time. You survived that. You can do this too. 

[statsman 5418]

1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

It's called 2022, and it fucking sucks when you're having panic attacks and have a hard time dealing with self-centered fear. So many things up in the air right now, Dad died, son is deployed, daughter graduating college, house on the market, hating my job and making a dramatic career change.  As y'all know, I'm a recovered alcoholic.  My psychiatrist and I had a talk a few weeks back and I'm going to counseling for panic attacks and anxiety.  And my wife has a bottle of Valium that was prescribed to me and dispenses half of a tablet to me when my heart starts pounding, because I'm not going to relapse over anything more remarkable than life on life's terms.  It just seems to all be happening to me at once. 

When stressed, I say to myself, “Lord, it’s good to know that no matter how crazy a situation is, it’s nothing that the two of us working together can’t handle”. (This makes me smile, because I know that I don’t have to do the hard part)

[BearSchlong 8077]

I like it

[BearSchlong 8077]

I like it

[BearSchlong 8077]

I like it

[BearSchlong 8077]

I like it

[cactusflinthead 27594]

12.20.21 46400 views

Today, 119 days later, 58800.

About 60 views a day.

Y'all hang in there.

[pearlandhorn 3269]

Probably should have posted in here a year or so ago honestly.  I've been in a downward spiral for a while.  I have an incredibly hard time separating my work life from my personal life.  I find that my motivations in life are more related to how much of an impact I can have on my organization.  It's literally impossible for me to separate out my work life and personal life.  I've had this problem since I graduated from college.  I'm really trying to work on this as I know I can't continue down this path.  My job has been pretty shit lately.  Boomer boss doesn't want to retire and I have zero upward mobility because he's the CFO and my company only needs one CFO.  They've strung me along, paid me shit, and made me feel like I've been pretty worthless.  About 6 months ago, I decided I'd had enough.  I was bringing my work life home with me and being a shit husband and father.  I started looking at different opportunities and just put in my two week notice at my current job today.  I've landed a pretty sweet gig that will let me transition into a CFO position within 6 months at a company about 15 minutes from my house.  I feel like I've taken the first step in reaching my goal. 

Boss didn't take the news that well.  He seems to be pretty pissed off at me but I've come to the conclusion that I can't let other people's emotions dictate my state of mind.  I have to do what's best for me and my family.  I've been here over 7 years in the same position and grown a lot as an employee.  It's time to spread my wings and go make a big impact on another organization.  Wish me luck everyone.

[pearlandhorn 3269]

Oh, and it pays a fuckton more and I don't have to deal with bullshit traffic and can still take my son to school.  There's no vacation policy either.  They have no company cell phone plan and the CEO told me because he doesn't want employees checking e-mails when they aren't at work.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

21 minutes ago, pearlandhorn said:

Boss didn't take the news that well. 

Sucks to be him. Treat your employees better and you won't have to deal with these issues.

[mchookem 16182]

so i just had my late mother's dog put down a couple of weeks ago, which sounds like 'okaaaay, sad but not a huge deal' except somehow it IS, i've been grieving this damn dog more than my mom. i'm smart enough to know the symbolism there of course...but it's still stupid explaining why every time her name even comes up i'm still bursting into tears over two weeks later (including right now).

oh...and husband finally retiring, selling our 25 year Austin home, moving out of state, leaving a social network i've built the last 35 years, leaving what's left of my family (which none of them are going to be in Austin anymore anyway, sister moving to east Texas near dad, niece in college and will end up god knows where but somewhere other than Texas). oh and at least the surly ladies will appreciate this...also going on year two of perimenopause which near as i can tell is magnifying EVERY SINGLE GOTDAMN EMOTION by a hundred. which i guess explains the dog issue. but that's also manifesting itself in just random bouts of super rapid pulse and occasional high blood pressure which i've been countering it strategically with half a xanax. nothing like laying in bed at 3am wondering why my pulse is 140!* 😐

after purposely cultivating an extremely low-stress life, especially since i retired 2 1/2 years ago...suddenly all at once i've for some reason chosen to DO EVERYTHING ALL AT THE SAME TIME. i want to ask myself why, but those answers are pretty deep and i've talked them to death in therapy, they mostly have to do with relationships...some i need to set boundaries with (co-dependency) and some i need to focus on (marriage). also...i pretty much hate this state now. and i'm tired of being HOT.

anyways...i ought to be nothing but grateful and happy. and i am some days. but damn if it all doesn't feel like too much sometimes. i fear i'm taking a lot of it out on my mate which isn't at all fair to him. and i'm prone to sitting in therapy lamenting the fact that i'm a relatively wealthy middle-aged white lady who has to cry to her therapist regularly...talk about a stereotype! haha and wtf. 

i don't really know why i'm sharing, other than to commiserate with others on some level. my therapist reminds me regularly that i tend to overthink everything...that's probably my main malady right now. 😐 

good thoughts and vibes for everyone! ❤️

 

 

* within the past year i've had an EKG, echocardiogram and wore a heart monitor for a week, all healthy...so yeah, we're pretty sure it really is just the hormones lol. 

Edited April 20, 2022 by mchookem

[Shady Ray 1633]

Not quite sure where else to post, but I’ll give it a shot on this thread.


Wife miscarried at 6 months along a couple months back and God damn we are struggling.


We are in our early 40s and childless and are realistic enough to know that this was probably our last chance. Adoption isn’t something she is interested in so we are doing that strange dance of looking at each other and knowing that we are all each other has moving forward. Over the last 3 weeks I have started to wake up nightly worried about dying early and leaving her alone. Every morning at 3:30. Like clockwork. I know it sounds stupid for someone at 42 years old, but I am really stressed over it.


My job is in govt relations in Germany for a large German company and this Russia shit has me buried balls deep at the office at the moment. 18 hour days isn’t an exaggeration. Trying to balance work and home life and I am absolutely crushing it at work, but not necessarily at home. So it’s taking it’s toll.


Kinda lost at the moment.


Not sure what to do, but I am doing my best.

[bluto 4880]

16 minutes ago, Shady Ray said:

Not quite sure where else to post, but I’ll give it a shot on this thread.


Wife miscarried at 6 months along a couple months back and God damn we are struggling.


We are in our early 40s and childless and are realistic enough to know that this was probably our last chance. Adoption isn’t something she is interested in so we are doing that strange dance of looking at each other and knowing that we are all each other has moving forward. Over the last 3 weeks I have started to wake up nightly worried about dying early and leaving her alone. Every morning at 3:30. Like clockwork. I know it sounds stupid for someone at 42 years old, but I am really stressed over it.


My job is in govt relations in Germany for a large German company and this Russia shit has me buried balls deep at the office at the moment. 18 hour days isn’t an exaggeration. Trying to balance work and home life and I am absolutely crushing it at work, but not necessarily at home. So it’s taking it’s toll.


Kinda lost at the moment.


Not sure what to do, but I am doing my best.

Not meant as an attack as I certainly understand the time strain created by the war (at least in concept) and this ain’t the thread for it. as an objective reader, it stuck out like a sore thumb “all we’ll ever have is each other” followed by talk of ~consistent 18 hour workdays which would seem to leave zero time for each other during such a hardship. Tough situation all around and can’t imagine the internal struggle 

[Kennythetiger 9334]

On 4/18/2022 at 3:16 AM, SKJ said:

What is it when you just can't feel anything anymore? This feeling comes over me more and more each day. 

My counselor calls it “burn-out”. 

[SKJ 1305]

33 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

My counselor calls it “burn-out”. 

I read this and I think your counselor may be right. I think I am burning out.  I'm really sick of it.  On top of some physical shit I'm going through,  my mental is just tired of feeling anything.  

I mean,  I run a restaurant,  and that stress isn't even making a dent on me, like I don't even feel that at all anymore. 

Maybe I need to find a way to re-engage somehow.  Like I can't even feel angry. 

Edited April 22, 2022 by SKJ

[BearSchlong 8077]

On 4/21/2022 at 6:50 PM, Kennythetiger said:

My counselor calls it “burn-out”. 

I've got a coworker who had some stress-induced health problem severe enough to put her on short-term disability.  I see myself leaving the company within a few months, myself.  Just not worth it.

I just got a call from a dear friend whose baby mama died today.  Their daughter is six and never knew her mother as he got sole custody when the kid was six months old.

I hadn't seen her in a while, but she was at least 5'8", and when she died, she was 60 lbs.  Combination of eating disorder plus whatever else, I remember a few years ago I mentioned that she drank a bottle of Robitussin and passed out in her car in the CPS office parking lot.  The situation was such that I was pulling for her, praying for her, but ultimately knew in my heart it was a question of when not if.  So today is the when.  I"m pretty sure she was in her early 30s.  And when I first met her about ten years ago, she had movie-star good looks, which is why my buddy pursued her.

Just a cryin shame.  RIP Lana, your suffering is over.

[cactusflinthead 27594]

2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I've got a coworker who had some stress-induced health problem severe enough to put her on short-term disability.  I see myself leaving the company within a few months, myself.  Just not worth it.

I just got a call from a dear friend whose baby mama died today.  Their daughter is six and never knew her mother as he got sole custody when the kid was six months old.

I hadn't seen her in a while, but she was at least 5'8", and when she died, she was 60 lbs.  Combination of eating disorder plus whatever else, I remember a few years ago I mentioned that she drank a bottle of Robitussin and passed out in her car in the CPS office parking lot.  The situation was such that I was pulling for her, praying for her, but ultimately knew in my heart it was a question of when not if.  So today is the when.  I"m pretty sure she was in her early 30s.  And when I first met her about ten years ago, she had movie-star good looks, which is why my buddy pursued her.

Just a cryin shame.  RIP Lana, your suffering is over.

Was thinking about you today. How you doing over there?

[BearSchlong 8077]

Much better, thanks. Have really leaned on my support structure. I'm at an inflection point where I'm determined to focus on what I want to do rather than what I feel obligated to do. The anxiety attacks have passed, and some opportunities have opened up on the career front that were beyond my wildest dreams. We got probate started.

I've had a few meditation points of note, mainly that avoidance causes anxiety, and that I need to take a hard look at my standards and make sure they are congruent with my values.

I'm still really upset with whats going on in Ukraine, not only on the humanitarian front but because my kid has spent a total of 5 months in the last 24 in the US with his new bride. Proud as hell regarding his service and mission, just that a year in Korea followed up with a quick and unexpected redeployment to Poland will take a toll on his marriage.

[pearlandhorn 3269]

On 4/20/2022 at 12:33 PM, pearlandhorn said:

Probably should have posted in here a year or so ago honestly.  I've been in a downward spiral for a while.  I have an incredibly hard time separating my work life from my personal life.  I find that my motivations in life are more related to how much of an impact I can have on my organization.  It's literally impossible for me to separate out my work life and personal life.  I've had this problem since I graduated from college.  I'm really trying to work on this as I know I can't continue down this path.  My job has been pretty shit lately.  Boomer boss doesn't want to retire and I have zero upward mobility because he's the CFO and my company only needs one CFO.  They've strung me along, paid me shit, and made me feel like I've been pretty worthless.  About 6 months ago, I decided I'd had enough.  I was bringing my work life home with me and being a shit husband and father.  I started looking at different opportunities and just put in my two week notice at my current job today.  I've landed a pretty sweet gig that will let me transition into a CFO position within 6 months at a company about 15 minutes from my house.  I feel like I've taken the first step in reaching my goal. 

Boss didn't take the news that well.  He seems to be pretty pissed off at me but I've come to the conclusion that I can't let other people's emotions dictate my state of mind.  I have to do what's best for me and my family.  I've been here over 7 years in the same position and grown a lot as an employee.  It's time to spread my wings and go make a big impact on another organization.  Wish me luck everyone.

Today was my last day. Feels like I can finally breathe again.

[cactusflinthead 27594]

On 5/4/2022 at 4:49 PM, pearlandhorn said:

Today was my last day. Feels like I can finally breathe again.

You starting the new gig right away?

[BabaYaga 15205]

On 4/18/2022 at 3:16 AM, SKJ said:

What is it when you just can't feel anything anymore? This feeling comes over me more and more each day. 

Have your dopamine levels checked

[BabaYaga 15205]

On 5/4/2022 at 4:49 PM, pearlandhorn said:

Today was my last day. Feels like I can finally breathe again.

Same.  Gave notice yesterday, "working" from home today to iron things out, and then a few weeks to relax before starting new stuff.  

Used to work with this guy back in the day that was right out of a black & white movie.  Bald.  Wore a wrinkled suit every day.  Smoked and drank daily, but jesus was he fun.  Laughed all the time, funny enough to be a standup, never seemed stressed or like things got to him, and via social media he's still going strong.

Stress is the killer.  Easy to say, sure, but finding ways to cope seem the magic elixir to happiness and longevity. 

[Parliament 14121]

Yeah I know fuck Ohio, but just pretend this guy isn't a former Ohio State player.  Harry Miller recently admitted to having depression and suicidal thoughs.  He's been speaking out a lot on it.  Hopefully this resonates here:

 

 

[Mrs Whiggins 13049]

18 hours ago, BabaYaga said:

Have your dopamine levels checked

Thank you for this advice. I've had a similar feeling for over a month and it is suffocating. Best analogy I can think of is the spring green carpet of pollen and everything is covered but there is no point in caring because it persists and will continue to persist world without end. If there is a physiological imbalance that would be a relief to discover, so thanks.

[HRSchenker 2258]

16 hours ago, Parliament said:

Yeah I know fuck Ohio, but just pretend this guy isn't a former Ohio State player.  Harry Miller recently admitted to having depression and suicidal thoughs.  He's been speaking out a lot on it.  Hopefully this resonates here:

 

 

It's pretty amazing to me watching this occur. In my field of health care, doing something like this is professional suicide (no pun intended). You're not allowed to feel this way and you're especially not allowed to tell anyone about it. It truly is a code of silence and everyone who breaks it always regrets it. 

[Parliament 14121]

Harry Miller had a legit shot at the NFL.  He's also a great human being.  Good student, does mission trips.  He'll do well whatever path he takes.

[BabaYaga 15205]

On 5/7/2022 at 8:46 AM, Mrs Whiggins said:

Thank you for this advice. I've had a similar feeling for over a month and it is suffocating. Best analogy I can think of is the spring green carpet of pollen and everything is covered but there is no point in caring because it persists and will continue to persist world without end. If there is a physiological imbalance that would be a relief to discover, so thanks.

Good luck!

Might also get Testerone levels checked as well?

[Nicole44 22027]

A good lawyer maybe? I have a very good friend that slept with someone a few times  they acknowledge they should not have. My friend and this person are neighbors and this person won’t leave them alone. Imagine a complex of at least 500 people and this person is always around (running into them over and over like three times daily) and not in a coincidence type of way. My friend made clear that they don’t want to be with “stalker” person. And to be nice, my friend indicated that they are with someone else. My friend called stalker to explain it and mention that they were dating someone else and that would be the end of their “stuff.” Stalker person says ok and then a few weeks later asks my friend out on a date via text. Friend doesn’t respond. This happens repeatedly even though in person stalker manages to run into my friend all the time in person and says nothing. Like doesn’t ask the same things stalker says in the texts. Stalker person backs off a bit and then manages to obtain the phone number of the person my friend is dating wanting to be friends. My friend told stalker no and to not try and befriend the new person. Stalker stopped texting the new person for a while. Eventually, Stalker did. For a bit. Stalker sees my friend in person and says nothing but then texts my friend repeatedly asking to hang out. Stalker won’t say anything in person but repeatedly keeps asking to hang out. Obviously they had sex several months ago and my friend made it clear several times that that was all it was. All of us friends know that it was explained that way. Stalker person keeps at the calling and texting. My friend never replies. Anything else my friend should do????

[BabaYaga 15205]

2 hours ago, Nicole44 said:

A good lawyer maybe? I have a very good friend that slept with someone a few times  they acknowledge they should not have. My friend and this person are neighbors and this person won’t leave them alone. Imagine a complex of at least 500 people and this person is always around (running into them over and over like three times daily) and not in a coincidence type of way. My friend made clear that they don’t want to be with “stalker” person. And to be nice, my friend indicated that they are with someone else. My friend called stalker to explain it and mention that they were dating someone else and that would be the end of their “stuff.” Stalker person says ok and then a few weeks later asks my friend out on a date via text. Friend doesn’t respond. This happens repeatedly even though in person stalker manages to run into my friend all the time in person and says nothing. Like doesn’t ask the same things stalker says in the texts. Stalker person backs off a bit and then manages to obtain the phone number of the person my friend is dating wanting to be friends. My friend told stalker no and to not try and befriend the new person. Stalker stopped texting the new person for a while. Eventually, Stalker did. For a bit. Stalker sees my friend in person and says nothing but then texts my friend repeatedly asking to hang out. Stalker won’t say anything in person but repeatedly keeps asking to hang out. Obviously they had sex several months ago and my friend made it clear several times that that was all it was. All of us friends know that it was explained that way. Stalker person keeps at the calling and texting. My friend never replies. Anything else my friend should do????

Being too passive.  My fear would be a festering resentment from the stalker.  For now, he's hopeful, and behaving.  If that turns to anger?

I'd suggest in the presence of a few guy friends in close proximity (either overtly or in the background) lay it out that this shit is over.  No more texts.  No more "convenient" run ins.  No more communication.  If it gets worse, time to relocate or get a restraining order against this person if she feels there could be a potential for physical harm.  

She also needs her situational awareness dialed up to a ten.  Avoiding places where she could be approached alone.  Having some form of protection like spray both in her apartment, purse, and car.  No dark parking lots/garages.  No fumbling for her keys at her door (easy to be charged from around a corner as the door opens).  Have the apartment or car key out long before you get to the door and insert/open/close in a quick, fluid movement.  Stuff like that.  

[Parliament 14121]

4 hours ago, Nicole44 said:

A good lawyer maybe? I have a very good friend that slept with someone a few times  they acknowledge they should not have. My friend and this person are neighbors and this person won’t leave them alone. Imagine a complex of at least 500 people and this person is always around (running into them over and over like three times daily) and not in a coincidence type of way. My friend made clear that they don’t want to be with “stalker” person. And to be nice, my friend indicated that they are with someone else. My friend called stalker to explain it and mention that they were dating someone else and that would be the end of their “stuff.” Stalker person says ok and then a few weeks later asks my friend out on a date via text. Friend doesn’t respond. This happens repeatedly even though in person stalker manages to run into my friend all the time in person and says nothing. Like doesn’t ask the same things stalker says in the texts. Stalker person backs off a bit and then manages to obtain the phone number of the person my friend is dating wanting to be friends. My friend told stalker no and to not try and befriend the new person. Stalker stopped texting the new person for a while. Eventually, Stalker did. For a bit. Stalker sees my friend in person and says nothing but then texts my friend repeatedly asking to hang out. Stalker won’t say anything in person but repeatedly keeps asking to hang out. Obviously they had sex several months ago and my friend made it clear several times that that was all it was. All of us friends know that it was explained that way. Stalker person keeps at the calling and texting. My friend never replies. Anything else my friend should do????

What's his Surly handle?

[Nicole44 22027]

40 minutes ago, Parliament said:

What's his Surly handle?

There isn’t one. Friend is dating a guy (they are serious) and a girl this guy “dated” briefly will not let go. It’s getting very weird. Guy has already told also ran many times that it’s not happening. Even told her when my friend and he started dating out of courtesy. She won’t quit. He doesn’t respond to her texts. She waits around for him to come home around the apartment complex he lives (she lives there also) and won’t say shit to his face but hello. Then after their brief encounter (seen it happen) she’ll text him “hey want to hang out/get a drink?” Over and over. 

[Parliament 14121]

I was being a smart ass, and that may not be appropriate for this thread.  I apologize.

I have sisters and if one of them was being creeped on, I'd definitely have a conversation with him.  I understand that threatening the dude would only make it worse, something totally polite and low key would be the play.

Good luck to your friend.  I'll echo what was said upthread and suggest she be careful.  And God forbid if this guy tried something, make sure she knows to fight dirty.  

[MissingInAction 24804]

On 4/18/2022 at 3:16 AM, SKJ said:

What is it when you just can't feel anything anymore? This feeling comes over me more and more each day. 

Malaise? I know that none feeling quite well.

[UpperWestside 6124]

It’s nice just sitting outside my building with Aliyanah reading this wonderful book in some amazingly serene spring weather while she gets some love from passers-by. What a great evening.

[SKJ 1305]

On 5/17/2022 at 12:01 AM, MissingInAction said:

Malaise? I know that none feeling quite well.

I haven't had this feeling in quite some time.  When I was younger,  and deeply involved in bad,  bad shit,  I was seemingly dead inside.  Now it's been creeping back in,  like I'm dying more every day. It's like regressing into being dead inside very slowly. 

I can't figure it out.  I'm doing well,  my wife and kids are as well,  and I'm just dying inside more and more daily. 

It's not a choice,  either.  And it's not like I'm depressed.  It's just that either I'm beginning to become enlightened,  or done such shit,  or I'm really just becoming disconnected 

[MissingInAction 24804]

4 hours ago, SKJ said:

I haven't had this feeling in quite some time.  When I was younger,  and deeply involved in bad,  bad shit,  I was seemingly dead inside.  Now it's been creeping back in,  like I'm dying more every day. It's like regressing into being dead inside very slowly. 

I can't figure it out.  I'm doing well,  my wife and kids are as well,  and I'm just dying inside more and more daily. 

It's not a choice,  either.  And it's not like I'm depressed.  It's just that either I'm beginning to become enlightened,  or done such shit,  or I'm really just becoming disconnected 

Same here. I wonder if it's because our subconscious knows bad shit is on the way, and this is its way of getting us ready to deal with it. 

I don't know if it's just the media, or whatever, but it's just been one hit after another the past 5 years or so.

Maybe it's time to disconnect and just read fantasy novels for a while.

[Neonmoon 38127]

My wife is a therapist (no, not how we met you assholes). But just wanted to share her experience in seeing clients the past couple of years and her view. There is a general malaise. We collectively experienced a lot of trauma the past couple years. Pandemic. Political shit. Economy. War. Mostly pandemic. People don’t realize it affected them. Everyone is struggling and most don’t know why. She saw the same in clients before the pandemic after they experienced trauma like abuse. People move on and think they are fine. Sometimes they are not fine. One of the symptoms is a general fatigue. 

Just saying, it never hurts to talk to someone 

[tigol 2383]

Bumping this.  I have anxiety.  It's constant.  It sucks.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  Rumination when you are aware of the issue is indescribably difficult and painful.

I finally found a very good therapist a few years ago that hooked me up with some coping skills.  

I need to go back because I've hit some shit where my coping skills are impervious to my disorder.  I can tell myself daily that anxiety is a processing disorder.  Neat.  Not helpful.

God Bless the mental health practitioners.   

[40acredropout 2901]

I’m tired of being in the shit where you have to tell yourself “it’s gonna get better again” but you also know based on your entire life experience you’re almost definitely going to wind up in this dark, low, hopeless point of despair again.  Frankly I’m tired of the ride up and down and am wondering how many times I can stomach it.   I’ve got addiction issues I’ve flirted with facing.  Think I’m stacking addictions.  And numbing as much as I can.  Have even done a week long intensive therapy workshop diving into the shit in my life that probably put me on this path.  But I’m just tired of it all.  

[tigol 2383]

And, I was seeking a laugh on youtube to relieve some pressure.  Pretty....good.  

 

[tigol 2383]

2 minutes ago, 40acredropout said:

I’m tired of being in the shit where you have to tell yourself “it’s gonna get better again” but you also know based on your entire life experience you’re almost definitely going to wind up in this dark, low, hopeless point of despair again.  Frankly I’m tired of the ride up and down and am wondering how many times I can stomach it.   I’ve got addiction issues I’ve flirted with facing.  Think I’m stacking addictions.  And numbing as much as I can.  Have even done a week long intensive therapy workshop diving into the shit in my life that probably put me on this path.  But I’m just tired of it all.  

I hear you.  Keep us updated.  Keep talking about it.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

6 hours ago, 40acredropout said:

I’m tired of being in the shit where you have to tell yourself “it’s gonna get better again” but you also know based on your entire life experience you’re almost definitely going to wind up in this dark, low, hopeless point of despair again.  Frankly I’m tired of the ride up and down and am wondering how many times I can stomach it.   I’ve got addiction issues I’ve flirted with facing.  Think I’m stacking addictions.  And numbing as much as I can.  Have even done a week long intensive therapy workshop diving into the shit in my life that probably put me on this path.  But I’m just tired of it all.  

I hear you man. Just remember life is a series of ups and downs. Enjoy the good times and even the shittiest times don't last forever.