Depression, OCD, and whatever else ails you between the ears

[Reagan1k 3042]

10 hours ago, cactusflinthead said:

or even if you put beans in chili. 

Now - that's a little extreme don't ya think.....I mean we should have SOME standards! 

j/k - You are right - there is a common bond that spans all differences.  

Great post!

[Reagan1k 3042]

On 10/30/2018 at 5:54 PM, Walden Ponderer said:

Diabeetus warning:

My son has a SATB2 gene mutation which has left him with a severe speech delay.  He didn't say "Mama" until he was 7 (he's 9 now). He's been working his whole damned life to make sounds other people can recognize as speech. And, like most boys on the autism spectrum, he's obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine.

Today, in speech therapy, he perfectly articulated "Thomas". Clear as a bell. (Most SATB2 kids never even come close to his level of speech. Little bugger is the hardest damned worker I know.)

Walden - Your son is a hero and I hope he continues his progression.  One thing is for sure, his hard work is a example and his story a path of hope for other parents and kids who might just be starting that journey.   What a cool experience for him and you!  

I'm so glad you shared that.

[Shoxthemonkey 1995]

11 hours ago, cactusflinthead said:

y'know one thing I like about this thread. I don't think I have ever seen a neg in here. And If I do I'm not sure what I would do. There's not one of you that has ever posted in here that I would even in my wildest fevered dreams consider doing that in here. It's no holds barred elsewhere, but I have done everything I can to keep this space clean from internecine wars. 

I mean it when I say we are all in this together. I don't give a big rat's ass about your politics in here or where you went to school or even if you put beans in chili. 

everybody deserves a shot at redemption from the ghosts that haunt them 

never ever give up

 

edit: if troph hadn't given me a + for the definition I would have stayed over there flinging poo in CR. I know, It's a weakness or a strength depending on who you ask. Anyhow, I appreciate all you sumbitches and believe it or not I even find a few syllables to try to say in your favor when the spirit moves me. 

Yeah, I really appreciate that these threads exist

 

I typed and deleted 20 responses and this is the one you get. shit

 

[troph 25238]

There are 3-4 threads that keep me here on days I think y’all are being dicks, this is one of them.

[Message Board User 12408]

On ‎10‎/‎31‎/‎2018 at 9:20 PM, cactusflinthead said:

y'know one thing I like about this thread. I don't think I have ever seen a neg in here. And If I do I'm not sure what I would do. There's not one of you that has ever posted in here that I would even in my wildest fevered dreams consider doing that in here. It's no holds barred elsewhere, but I have done everything I can to keep this space clean from internecine wars. 

I mean it when I say we are all in this together. I don't give a big rat's ass about your politics in here or where you went to school or even if you put beans in chili. 

everybody deserves a shot at redemption from the ghosts that haunt them 

never ever give up

 

edit: if troph hadn't given me a + for the definition I would have stayed over there flinging poo in CR. I know, It's a weakness or a strength depending on who you ask. Anyhow, I appreciate all you sumbitches and believe it or not I even find a few syllables to try to say in your favor when the spirit moves me. 

Negged.

 

 

(lol jk)

[cactusflinthead 27628]

19 minutes ago, Message Board User said:

Negged.

 

 

(lol jk)

Just for that you get some rep.

[cactusflinthead 27628]

I don't know where else to put this. 

I went to church for the first time since...well I can't remember when. I don't. No BS. 

My reasons for being an outlaw Baptist are better told in CR. 

I didn't know a soul there. But, I was welcomed by the church of John Knox.

It was tough to compose myself at times. The last thing I wanted to do was to end up a blubbering mess. I don't know how or if church or the spiritual moves you like it does me, but the mortal frame can only take so much and it has to react.

I aim to go again. 

 

[troph 25238]

I enjoy church, it’s super complicated though. Glad you went. Safe place to feel.

[XYZ 2154]

“Super complicated”? You mean church is super complicated, or the process of you enjoying church is super complicated?

[cactusflinthead 27628]

I can't speak for her, but it is complicated for me.  If I do go whole hog and join the Presbyterians it will likely cause a stir in the family. My reasons for leaving the Baptists are, again, not appropriate here.

[troph 25238]

3 hours ago, XYZ said:

“Super complicated”? You mean church is super complicated, or the process of you enjoying church is super complicated?

grew up southern baptist, then went to a bible church, then assemblies of god, then charismatic unaffiliated all in an effort to chase the trans away.  I'm an intense feeler, intuitive, strong moral imperatives drive my choices.  I feel a sense of the divine when I pause to look for it, and those churches I grew up in shunned me first for being a child of divorce, then without them knowing it because of my gender identity.  I was so enraptured by the whole spiritual experience that my initial professional goal was to be a church pastor with an emphasis on counseling.  All the while I never and still don't believe in any real after life.  Sure my energy will merge into the universe.  But my consciousness will cease to exist.  Even that view was seen as blasphemy.  But my connection clearly fell apart for a lot of reasons and I'm quite happy in my life, but my relationship with the church, Christian spirituality and even the divine is tainted by trauma and deep hurt.   All I have left and all I hold on to is Luke 10:25-37 and the command to be kind and helpful to our fellow humans in ways that meet practical needs, in ways that are inconvenient.  It's such a hard lesson but it's the only one I want to try to master. 

Today I hear the most vocal Christians, or at least the ones from the churches I knew saying some of the most vile and disgusting things I've ever heard and I wonder what in the hell was I thinking?  Most of the churches I went to don't have major position proclamations but the Southern Baptists do and their view on people like me is vile, misguided and dangerous. Yet to be able to sing "How Great Thou Art" or the "Doxology" or "Just as I am" (as examples) from a hymn with a congregation would cause me great comfort, though great pain as well.  My dad goes to a First Baptist and is furious at me for "indoctrinating" my kids and not letting him take them to his Church.  My reason is obvious, but lost on him.  My mother is the most spiritual person you might ever meet but she goes to home churches (unaffiliated with any congregation) that focus on the Torah almost exclusively and she does not attend regular services.  She has come around but I know she struggles with the fact that I'm a card carrying rainbow club member with a lesbian live-in girlfriend.

And now I'm in a relationship going on 3 years that may shift to very long term soon and she has zero interest - she wouldn't leave me for going but she's got no interest.  Though when I do go, I tend to attend progressive, liberal churches on the rare occasion I go, the current one being St. John's Methodist on Burnet/2222.  The emotions come up, but they seem worth it.  So like I said, church is super complicated for me.

Edited November 5, 2018 by troph

[cactusflinthead 27628]

Whole lotta what she said is why I am considering switching denominations. Strongly supported. Glad to see a pile of rep on there.

Sniff, getting all dusty.

[SHOOTER12 8887]

On 11/5/2018 at 11:22 AM, troph said:

grew up southern baptist, then went to a bible church, then assemblies of god, then charismatic unaffiliated all in an effort to chase the trans away.  I'm an intense feeler, intuitive, strong moral imperatives drive my choices.  I feel a sense of the divine when I pause to look for it, and those churches I grew up in shunned me first for being a child of divorce, then without them knowing it because of my gender identity.  I was so enraptured by the whole spiritual experience that my initial professional goal was to be a church pastor with an emphasis on counseling.  All the while I never and still don't believe in any real after life.  Sure my energy will merge into the universe.  But my consciousness will cease to exist.  Even that view was seen as blasphemy.  But my connection clearly fell apart for a lot of reasons and I'm quite happy in my life, but my relationship with the church, Christian spirituality and even the divine is tainted by trauma and deep hurt.   All I have left and all I hold on to is Luke 10:25-37 and the command to be kind and helpful to our fellow humans in ways that meet practical needs, in ways that are inconvenient.  It's such a hard lesson but it's the only one I want to try to master. 

Today I hear the most vocal Christians, or at least the ones from the churches I knew saying some of the most vile and disgusting things I've ever heard and I wonder what in the hell was I thinking?  Most of the churches I went to don't have major position proclamations but the Southern Baptists do and their view on people like me is vile, misguided and dangerous. Yet to be able to sing "How Great Thou Art" or the "Doxology" or "Just as I am" (as examples) from a hymn with a congregation would cause me great comfort, though great pain as well.  My dad goes to a First Baptist and is furious at me for "indoctrinating" my kids and not letting him take them to his Church.  My reason is obvious, but lost on him.  My mother is the most spiritual person you might ever meet but she goes to home churches (unaffiliated with any congregation) that focus on the Torah almost exclusively and she does not attend regular services.  She has come around but I know she struggles with the fact that I'm a card carrying rainbow club member with a lesbian live-in girlfriend.

And now I'm in a relationship going on 3 years that may shift to very long term soon and she has zero interest - she wouldn't leave me for going but she's got no interest.  Though when I do go, I tend to attend progressive, liberal churches on the rare occasion I go, the current one being St. John's Methodist on Burnet/2222.  The emotions come up, but they seem worth it.  So like I said, church is super complicated for me.

 

5 hours ago, cactusflinthead said:

Whole lotta what she said is why I am considering switching denominations. Strongly supported. Glad to see a pile of rep on there.

Sniff, getting all dusty.

It only takes one drop of ink to cloud a bucket of clear water.   Man is the one who drops the ink in the water.  Don't let man cloud your view of what you feel or know in your heart.  Don't let past religious affiliations make you feel too guilty to change.   Follow your heart, spend time in prayer and meditation and continue forward.

Most of all, remember we are all flawed, just as we don't deserve judgement for our flaws or the things that might make us different from others, nor do they deserve judgement.

Best of luck to you both.

Edited November 6, 2018 by SHOOTER12

[cactusflinthead 27628]

I'll share some follow up. I used up my vacation hours before I changed jobs and I had a chance to go say hi at the church office. It served more as an information dump for me. Reverend was receptive and I let down my guard. It felt great to off load a bunch of stuff that I should have let go long before then but didn't have anywhere to dump it. I also wanted to introduce myself. But, if it had just been that I could have done it at the door on the way out. I needed to unload some stuff. 

It feels good to have someone you can go to like that. 

[Rip76 5022]

Just curious, can getting dark as early as it does bring on depression?

[troph 25238]

Just curious, can getting dark as early as it does bring on depression?

Absolutely yes. I do well (or used to I’m still waiting to see post divorce) during the holidays and the novelty of fires, scotch, chili and the like. But January and February with the lack of sunlight bring hard core SAD. It’s real, and nothing to take lightly. Speaking of, I need to get the UV lights for SAD therapy. Supposedly they work. Take care of yourself, it’s a real thing.

[XYZ 2154]

You can also try to spend some time outside every day.

[cactusflinthead 27628]

Another vote for go outside. Even if it is walk around the block with the good dog. Walk in the park, the nature trail, take pictures, bring bird food, see the trees disrobe in living colors. 

Take pistola if you can. Might get a hog. I don't recommend this in the city limits. 

[troph 25238]

There’s research that shows our mental state is very much tied to and influenced by being in and around nature. Definitely get out.

[Helobious 9823]

On 11/10/2018 at 10:50 PM, troph said:

Absolutely yes. I do well (or used to I’m still waiting to see post divorce) during the holidays and the novelty of fires, scotch, chili and the like. But January and February with the lack of sunlight bring hard core SAD. It’s real, and nothing to take lightly. Speaking of, I need to get the UV lights for SAD therapy. Supposedly they work. Take care of yourself, it’s a real thing.

Mid-October to the end of the year is great. January-February is a fucking beating. Cold, dark, but it's not holiday season, etc. 

[Reagan1k 3042]

It’s called SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder.  The make “light boxes” to get simulated sun on one’s face and improve vitamin D production.

Some people will even hit a tanning bed once a week or two in bad climates to get exposure-  might not be good for the skin but apparently has some mood benefits. 

Its a real deal, but not the same as other depression disorders in most cases. 

Exercise, eat right, get outside, stay on a regular sleep schedule etc... it all has a cumulative effect.

[Sandman 3435]

This may sound dumb, so my apologies in advance, but have any of you felt like you didn't know how to handle success? Things have been going really, really well for me lately, but I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and I need to stop it.

I've had a chip on my shoulder for years now, mostly in regards to my job. But this year, everything that I've grumbled or fought over in the past has come up aces in my favor. Add to that my incredible wife and teriffic marriage and I should have every reason to enjoy this life I have made. But it feels too good to be true sometimes. I feel like a soldier that's done nothing but fight or prepare for battle and now the war is over and he doesn't know what to do with himself. I'm not angry or depressed but I sometimes feel like I'm getting away with something, like I didn't earn this and I'll be exposed soon. I shouldn't feel that way, dammit! I DID earn this.

 

[cactusflinthead 27628]

I expect Twice and Schlong can explain this better than I can because I have the same problem. But, it's a symptom of our own arrogance in that like we think ourselves better than we are, there's a flip side where we think ourselves worse than we are. Neither is true. Sometimes we have to humble ourselves to accept the glory as much as defeat. It's ok when good things happen to us. We aren't being set up to get knocked down. That's not easy to accept when we've invested a lot of time in self-examination and saw our shittier parts. But, there it is. We are capable of doing good too.

[BearSchlong 8248]

I've heard it described like this - arrogance and self-hatred are the 2 sides of a coin called self-centeredness.

That made sense to me, in terms of having a disease of perception.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Rip76 5022]

On 11/12/2018 at 7:48 AM, Reagan1k said:

It’s called SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder.  The make “light boxes” to get simulated sun on one’s face and improve vitamin D production.

Some people will even hit a tanning bed once a week or two in bad climates to get exposure-  might not be good for the skin but apparently has some mood benefits. 

Its a real deal, but not the same as other depression disorders in most cases. 

Exercise, eat right, get outside, stay on a regular sleep schedule etc... it all has a cumulative effect.

Oh I do get out a lot.  

Got me a new rig which I ride a lot.

 

 

I guess I've just been down a bit lately and it seems the earlier days put little more "umph," into it.

[XYZ 2154]

12 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I've heard it described like this - arrogance and self-hatred are the 2 sides of a coin called self-centeredness.

That made sense to me, in terms of having a disease of perception.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
 

“The subtle art of not giving a fuck” has a chapter on that.

[cactusflinthead 27628]

5 hours ago, Rip76 said:

Oh I do get out a lot.  

Got me a new rig which I ride a lot.

 

 

I guess I've just been down a bit lately and it seems the earlier days put little more "umph," into it.

There's the meditation part too. Whatever angle you approach it from. I'm generally reserved on my approach to religion, existence, and things spiritual in here, but it's an integral part of my basic maintenance of living in this world. 

Sometimes I hear about someone that survived places like Bergen-Belsen and how they held on to something...whatever that psychic anchor might be, Corrie Ten Boom comes to mind but there are many others. 

I think I have said this before in here, but I can feel it coming on like a cold. A depressive episode. I have tried to treat it in much the same manner. I get proactive and start shooting bullets at anything that moves. Eat better, exercise more, clean house, plant things,write badly, pray, go listen to a teacher, read, dig. Eventually I find a reason to drag my ass out of bed. 

There's certainly evidence to suggest that the lower light levels of winter effect some people. 

I like this time of year. A lot. The year I spent working for an aggy professor was not fun. I missed the cold. 

[ImGolfn 77]

Been a while.  Count me in as hating this time of year.   Never been a fan of cold weather.  Give me 98 degrees over 38 degrees, 25 hours, 8 days, 366 days a year.   So being stuck inside and the golf courses soaked is not good for me.  The gray skies and impending holidays dont help either.  Went back on meds to try to even out.  But I'm still struggling.  More than once I've thought very seriously about downing a bottle of pills and cashing in.  Outwardly those closest to me dont know. All my other social media posts are happy, sarcastic, trying to be funny.  The appearance that I'm ok. This is a rare post that I'm afraid I'm not.

May get negged for this but I'll throw it out there anyway.   Anyone have any experience with psychic mediums?  Thought about maybe trying it to see if i can hear anything from Sammie.

Or maybe I'm just going nuts.

[orange dream 1301]

Thanks for being honest. Try to make a point to get out even if the skies aren't cooperative.  Find somewhere to volunteer.  The homeless shelters are swamped when the weather sucks, being a blessing to someone else can help shift our focus.  I'm sorry, but keep pressing.

Edited November 14, 2018 by orange dream

[NBMisha 224]

On 11/13/2018 at 8:33 AM, BearSchlong said:

I've heard it described like this - arrogance and self-hatred are the 2 sides of a coin called self-centeredness.

That made sense to me, in terms of having a disease of perception.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
 

Another vote for this.  Going to give this a lot of thought.  My excessive insistence in not being found guilty, being seen as good, as right,  is in itself a depressing realization.  Anton Chigur don't care about what I think.

[troph 25238]

Great so my self hatred is self-centeredness? Awesome, now I *really* hate myself.

[XYZ 2154]

12 hours ago, ImGolfn said:

Been a while.  Count me in as hating this time of year.   Never been a fan of cold weather.  Give me 98 degrees over 38 degrees, 25 hours, 8 days, 366 days a year.   So being stuck inside and the golf courses soaked is not good for me.  The gray skies and impending holidays dont help either.  Went back on meds to try to even out.  But I'm still struggling.  More than once I've thought very seriously about downing a bottle of pills and cashing in.  Outwardly those closest to me dont know. All my other social media posts are happy, sarcastic, trying to be funny.  The appearance that I'm ok. This is a rare post that I'm afraid I'm not.

May get negged for this but I'll throw it out there anyway.   Anyone have any experience with psychic mediums?  Thought about maybe trying it to see if i can hear anything from Sammie.

Or maybe I'm just going nuts.

Where do you live? It sounds like not much sunshine where you live.

Can I throw an idea out there for you? How about doing a psychedelic experience, like a heavy mushroom trip? Before you dismiss it, read up on the research they’ve done at Johns Hopkins with psilocybin. A mushroom trip can be a powerful mystical experience.

[NBMisha 224]

Well, I would agree.  But in my youthful experience, the coming down part was the lowest self loathing low I ever experienced.  So there's that.

[BearSchlong 8248]

15 hours ago, troph said:

Great so my self hatred is self-centeredness? Awesome, now I *really* hate myself.

I heard it from a recovered alcoholic who was at the podium telling her story at an AA conference and it was one of those mind blowing moments - and it speaks to the "disease of perception" of which alcoholism is manifested - I'm neither as good or as bad as my self perception, but somewhere in the middle.  Just a spiritual being having a human experience.

It ties in very nicely with the 12 step recovery theme of becoming less concerned with ourselves and more concerned with our fellows, of divorcing ourselves from self-pity and asking God how we can be useful to others.

There's nothing that is more rewarding to me - particularly after a shitty day at work where I haven't made a dent in my admittedly impossible goals - than picking up a guy at the halfway house and talking about what's going on in their life while driving to a recovery meeting.  Brings a lot of gratitude and perspective to my situation.

[BearSchlong 8248]

On 11/14/2018 at 8:49 AM, ImGolfn said:

Been a while.  Count me in as hating this time of year.   Never been a fan of cold weather.  Give me 98 degrees over 38 degrees, 25 hours, 8 days, 366 days a year.   So being stuck inside and the golf courses soaked is not good for me.  The gray skies and impending holidays dont help either.  Went back on meds to try to even out.  But I'm still struggling.  More than once I've thought very seriously about downing a bottle of pills and cashing in.  Outwardly those closest to me dont know. All my other social media posts are happy, sarcastic, trying to be funny.  The appearance that I'm ok. This is a rare post that I'm afraid I'm not.

May get negged for this but I'll throw it out there anyway.   Anyone have any experience with psychic mediums?  Thought about maybe trying it to see if i can hear anything from Sammie.

Or maybe I'm just going nuts.

Honestly, I think you're closer to the solution than you realize.  You probably need a psychic change.  I don't see a psychic and a minister or priest being that different, mainly because they are attempting to discern spiritual truth.  I found my psychic change in surrounding myself with a fellowship of people who suffered with a shared affliction - alcoholism/addiction, and listening to the ones who had been nuts but had been returned to sanity.  Maybe there's a grief support group that isn't too terribly sick that might be helpful to you.

I do know this - Sammy would not want you to be miserable.

[troph 25238]

3 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I heard it from a recovered alcoholic who was at the podium telling her story at an AA conference and it was one of those mind blowing moments - and it speaks to the "disease of perception" of which alcoholism is manifested - I'm neither as good or as bad as my self perception, but somewhere in the middle.  Just a spiritual being having a human experience.

It ties in very nicely with the 12 step recovery theme of becoming less concerned with ourselves and more concerned with our fellows, of divorcing ourselves from self-pity and asking God how we can be useful to others.

There's nothing that is more rewarding to me - particularly after a shitty day at work where I haven't made a dent in my admittedly impossible goals - than picking up a guy at the halfway house and talking about what's going on in their life while driving to a recovery meeting.  Brings a lot of gratitude and perspective to my situation.

not in recovery but I borrow from AA a lot.  three I borrow the most - focus on others lives and help make them better, can't change/control others who are hurting themselves or me, and gratitude.  those three solve a lot of problems. 

[cactusflinthead 27628]

On 11/15/2018 at 12:45 PM, BearSchlong said:

Bunch of good information....

I do know this - Sammy would not want you to be miserable.

This right here. I am not going to judge you if you want to talk to someone that calls themselves a medium, psychic, or shaman. Just don't let them siphon off your bank account. I don't know where to go look for recs. 

Seems like there's a thread on microdosing. I am willing to open the doors of perception if y'all are. It's not for everyone, but it can help some people. 

[BearSchlong 8248]

2 hours ago, cactusflinthead said:

Just don't let them siphon off your bank account.

During Law School my sister interned for the FTC and this happened - she had good stories from deposing the gullible.

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/4w3edj/we-spoke-to-ms-cleo-about-her-fake-patois-and-getting-ripped-off-by-her-old-bosses

Thought just popped into my head that If I could find a psychic that gave handjobs (and if my wife approved - she probably would - and I knew I wouldn't get busted by the cops) I'd probably visit every other day.

Sorry for the thread derail. . .

Edited November 17, 2018 by BearSchlong

[cactusflinthead 27628]

I wouldn't call it a derail. It's useful information. A person in the throes of a search for...answers can go off in all directions and not all of them are going to be beneficial. 

Ms Cleo and Robert Tilton are very similar in exploiting wounded souls in search of healing. 

[troph 25238]

I’m reading the Inner Game of Tennis for the obvious purpose but the conversation is currently about the inner dialogue between “I and myself” - the critical self and the one charged with the task of playing the game or in a broader sense the task of living. The harsh judgment we heap on ourselves, to hear that critical voice as the separate identity it really is but to go further and give it a voice - as though the words were of another human talking to us - taskmaster, mean, harsh, unrelenting, anger, no compassion, without empathy and no kindness. A desert of unrealistic expectations and commands with not an ounce of life giving understanding and trust. Peak performance cannot exist under these circumstances. We must quiet the judgment, and in life we must learn to trust our inner goodness or in tennis our inner knowledge of the mechanics of the game learned from practice. Only with that quiet trust in our own selves can the vision of the desired outcome actually happen.

 

[NBMisha 224]

In the first part of your post, you are describing every coach I have ever had, every sport.  

In my case, I would like to see a partnership between the two views.  I do need some pushing, but I don't need to worship that.

 

[troph 25238]

I shared it because of the internal mental dynamics of the self in life and in this case on the court. But as for sports psychology - I think we are learning that the slavedriving, taskmaster, unrelenting demands does not produce peak performance. You don’t find yourself “in the zone” bc of a critical voice but because talent, preparation and trust. If we have what we need and we are invested in the situation then trust in ourselves is better than harsh criticisms of ourselves.

[XYZ 2154]

ImGolfn:

Hello? How are you doing?

[Helobious 9823]

On 11/14/2018 at 8:49 AM, ImGolfn said:

Been a while.  Count me in as hating this time of year.   Never been a fan of cold weather.  Give me 98 degrees over 38 degrees, 25 hours, 8 days, 366 days a year.   So being stuck inside and the golf courses soaked is not good for me.  The gray skies and impending holidays dont help either.  Went back on meds to try to even out.  But I'm still struggling.  More than once I've thought very seriously about downing a bottle of pills and cashing in.  Outwardly those closest to me dont know. All my other social media posts are happy, sarcastic, trying to be funny.  The appearance that I'm ok. This is a rare post that I'm afraid I'm not.

May get negged for this but I'll throw it out there anyway.   Anyone have any experience with psychic mediums?  Thought about maybe trying it to see if i can hear anything from Sammie.

Or maybe I'm just going nuts.

 

[troph 25238]

Thanksgiving started strong with my momma deflecting my attempt to drink my hidden stash of Bordeaux with a strong request I decant a Texas white in a rose crystal decanter and start with that. My brother and I laughed.  But I obliged.  Sister was late but she has littler kids, we dealt with it.  Then we had an amazing day with everyone there.  Finished with hide and go seek for the kids.  When life roughs you up and you decide to put shit aside and play with the cousins it can be alright.  I’m pretty happy right now.  I got what I needed post divorce.  My family.

[ImGolfn 77]

On 11/21/2018 at 12:02 PM, XYZ said:

ImGolfn:

Hello? How are you doing?

I'm here

[MissingInAction 25563]

This was one of the best Thanksgivings I have had, and I am sure it is because I did not spend it with family. I avoided the bullying, and never ending judgement of every damn thing that I do, and what the shit I actually had a good time. Coming back to work after 5 days off was depressing, but that's normal I suppose. 

Keep the faith my fellow sufferers, and try to find the gem in the piles of shit which surround you. I managed to find one this holiday break, and it has done me wonders. 

[BearSchlong 8248]

On 10/4/2018 at 7:07 PM, TwiceHorn said:

In my observation, medication is not the way to go with anxiety, counseling is, specifically cognitive behavioral therapy.  I have known a number of folks that insisted they had to have MJ for anxiety.  But the problem is, as Swayze notes, paranoia and increased anxiety are pretty well-documented side effects of long-term MJ usage.  CBD may be a different deal, but

Anxiety is a cognitive problem that is enhanced a bit by one's brain chemistry.  The known things (benzos:  Xanax, Valium, Librium, Klonopin) that are "effective" for anxiety slow you down, that is, they fuck you up, mildly.  Benzos are certainly no way to go unless your anxiety is EXTREMELY sporadic.  I have known people to become dependent on benzos prescribed for anxiety.  It is a really shitty withdrawal (literally and figuratively).

My wife uses CBD Cream to help relieve muscle tension, and she just got some of the oil to take orally as well.  I'll report back.

[hookemATL 12300]

I was just laid off from a job I really enjoyed, for seemingly no good reason.  I’ve never been fired before so this is all a big shock for me. 

My anxiety (which already runs at a steady 4 out of 10 on a good day) is now ramped up to a degree to where I can’t sleep and I feel like questioning my self worth at every turn. 

I have a family to take care of (wife and 3.5 yo daughter) and after my severance is done I will not have insurance nor a reliable and decently well paying gig. 

Sure doesn’t help that is the holiday season and we had just scheduled our first vacations since forever. I’m very down right now and not seeing a whole lot of reasons to pick my head up. I’m a prideful and hard working SOB so this shit hurts as I feel severely diminished as a father and provider. Everyone says it’s going to be ok but it’s hard to take that to heart in the moment. 

Thank you all for everything in advance. This thread is amazing and you people do such good things in here. 

[cactusflinthead 27628]

That absolutely sucks. No matter what else happens you're still a hero to the kid. They don't know what we're feeling on the inside of the sense of failure. You are still Dad, The Heroic. That's gotten me past some hard stretches. 

Good luck with the job hunt.