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lilMAC25

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Bama Llama

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2 hours ago, lilMAC25 said:

Still waiting on Biopsy results, but drained another 1L of fluid off his other lung and sent him home yesterday in good spirits. He’s stubborn, so as long as he intends to be stubborn against cancer, I can see him kicking it’s ass.

That's the ticket. Never give up. Never give in. Fuck those cancer cells in their microscopic goat asses.

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lilMAC25

lilMAC25 3773

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It’s been a bit but here is the latest update.

 

stage IV with lymph node involvement in pelvis, abdomen, and thorax (including lungs). Unfortunately 5 year life expectancy for it being caught at this stage is 12%.

 

he’s begun immonotherapy (1 treatment so far). I really hope it kicks in, I’m not ready to lose my dad. 

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lilMAC25

lilMAC25 3773

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Awful news. Oncologist and Pulmonologist just told my mother today that it’s time to consider hospice. 
 

He’s went downhill so rapidly this week, they’re giving him weeks to months to live.

 

I am devastated. My mother is broken. Horrible outcome for a good man.

😪

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Awful news. Oncologist and Pulmonologist just told my mother today that it’s time to consider hospice. 
 
He’s went downhill so rapidly this week, they’re giving him weeks to months to live.
 
I am devastated. My mother is broken. Horrible outcome for a good man.


I’m sorry to hear that. Fuck Cancer!
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Kitty Boy

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Very sorry to hear the news. I’m sure you’ll make the best out of the time that you do have. Though one chapter is currently closing, a new and better chapter will also begin. Hang in there. May the Lord bless you and your family with comfort and peace in the meantime.

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Lidig8r

Lidig8r 1840

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Do not, do not DO NOT wait to find an experienced counselor who you connect with.

There are so many charlatans out there who list certain types of expertise but do not have that expertise.

When you have your introductory session, be sure to ask all of the questions you want to ask.  And do NOT accept anything other than a direct response.

Ask about their direct experience addressing the issues you are going through now and may go through in the future. Nothing should be off limits.

Also, be wary of any counselor who immediately refer you to a psychiatrist or mental health professional who recommends pharmaceuticals from the get go. Often times, those professionals have contracts with those pharma companies.

Squeeze as much time with him as possible.

And know that he will always be with you.  As a parent, our legacies are not defined by the lawsuits we win or the business deals we make ... but with our loving children who make the world a better place than what it was when we first came into it.

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CfRhTxStBobcats

CfRhTxStBobcats 594

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1 hour ago, lilMAC25 said:

Awful news. Oncologist and Pulmonologist just told my mother today that it’s time to consider hospice. 
 

He’s went downhill so rapidly this week, they’re giving him weeks to months to live.

 

I am devastated. My mother is broken. Horrible outcome for a good man.

😪

So sorry to hear this. I went through the same thing with my dad in 2019. Diagnosed with multiple myeloma in 2018 which led to kidney failure and dialysis. Cancer went into remission but he just got tired of the dialysis and being sick after a year. I brought him to MD Anderson to see if I could donate a kidney but they said at 78 he was too old and wasn't in good enough shape.

I know it's hard but just remember all the good times you spent with your dad. I had an awesome relationship with my dad but we just weren't the hugging and saying I love you type. About 2 weeks before he passed I told him I loved him and it was the best thing I've ever done. He told anyone who would listen and was grinning ear to ear. He was in hospice four days and all his friends since childhood came by to visit and he left us happy as can be. I hope your dad is feeling well enough for visitors. I'm sure he's  so proud of the way you turned out and and cherishes every minute you've spent with him.

🙏

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1 hour ago, lilMAC25 said:

Awful news. Oncologist and Pulmonologist just told my mother today that it’s time to consider hospice. 
 

He’s went downhill so rapidly this week, they’re giving him weeks to months to live.

 

I am devastated. My mother is broken. Horrible outcome for a good man.

😪

Sorry to hear that.  My Father went down very quickly a couple years ago, but it was simply old age (89).  Everything was failing.  I got a call he was put in Hospice and probably only had two or three days.  I flew to Houston to say good-byes and got my Mother, who wasn't very mobile up to the medical center from Clear Lake where they were in assisted living.  He did last a couple weeks.

My sister had died of cancer at 69 just about a year before that.  She fought it for a year and a half, but went down quickly at the end and did Hospice care at home for a couple weeks.  We all had time to come by.  She wasn't talking by the time I got there, but did manage to say hi when I face-timed my daughter for her.

One thing we did for the funerals was to get everyone to come up with pictures.  We have a nice picture book of my Father from his time as a very young boy to recent times.

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Doc Daneeka

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2 minutes ago, CfRhTxStBobcats said:

I know it's hard but just remember all the good times you spent with your dad. I had an awesome relationship with my dad but we just weren't the hugging and saying I love you type. About 2 weeks before he passed I told him I loved him and it was the best thing I've ever done. He told anyone who would listen and was grinning ear to ear. He was in hospice four days and all his friends since childhood came by to visit and he left us happy as can be. I hope your dad is feeling well enough for visitors. I'm sure he's  so proud of the way you turned out and and cherishes every minute you've spent with him.

🙏

If there’s anything good that can come from a thread like this — not that “this sucks, sorry for what you’re going through” is useless, but there’s only so much they can do — this is one of them. 

My biological father is a useless cunt. The guy who married my mother and took responsibility for three kindergarten and younger kids is my real dad. He’s the one who sat in the cold and rain watching me play football. Sat in the sun watching me play baseball. Jetted home from work when he was tired AF to take me to practice rather than crashing on the couch like I know he wanted to. Gave me what I needed to be an even better dad than he was so I could help my kids be better parents than I have been. And we aren’t the hugging and saying I love you type, though my kids and I are. I got my last name changed to his. There are gestures but not a lot of words. 

Well, fucking dementia is starting to eat him alive. This Christmas I told him I love him and I’ve always appreciated what he’s done for me even if I haven’t always said so or even acted like it sometimes. It’s weird but it changed everything and changed nothing at the same time. Can’t explain it. Do recommend it. 

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jimmyjazz

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I'm sorry to hear the news.  You've received a lot of good advice on this thread.  I will say this -- not everything you do needs to be for your Dad or your Mom.  Some things can be for you.

My dad and I were a bit like some who have posted here, not really the explicit "I love you" out loud types, but our relationship was rock solid, as I alluded to before.  The last time I saw him, I was trying to lighten the mood a bit even though we knew what was coming, and I would soon be 700 miles away back in Austin.  It's just sort of our family's nature, "shrug it off".

I said goodbye, gave him a hug, and walked out of his room in hospice care.  Something made me turn back around.  He was sitting where I had left him, facing away from me, silhouetted in the light from his window.  I just said it out loud -- "I love you, Dad".  He nodded, I turned, and left.

I am forever grateful something made me do that.  He passed not many days later.  Not having had said "I love you, Dad" would have weighed on me forever.

Edited by jimmyjazz
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Texzilla58

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Awful news. Oncologist and Pulmonologist just told my mother today that it’s time to consider hospice. 
 
He’s went downhill so rapidly this week, they’re giving him weeks to months to live.
 
I am devastated. My mother is broken. Horrible outcome for a good man.


So sorry to hear this. It’s devastating but in some ways it’s a gift. Your dad can still fight, he has time to put things in order, make his peace, say his goodbyes, and and help his wife prepare. He could have died suddenly without these things.

Both my parents were in hospice at home. Is your dad going to home hospice or in patient? These folks are wonderful. They are there to comfort the patient as well as the family especially your mother.

My dad at 69 went in hospice with horrible emphysema and heart failure. They gave him 6 weeks. He asked the nurse what he could do or not do. She said “sir you’re dying. You do whatever you feel like doing”. It changed his attitude about his disease and he lasted nearly two years. That’s not typical though it’s a lesson to live you’d life to the fullest each day. Mom was 88. She had her ruptured impacted colon removed and just gave up. She declined until she went home with hospice and lasted about 6 weeks. Do your homework and read the reviews and find a caring reputable one.

You have several roles to serve. Every family has different dynamics, and it also depends on if you also have siblings. Use the time to be a dutiful son for your parents, a comforting son for your dad, and a loving son for your mom. She’s staring widowhood in the face and the kids have to give her support, time to rest, a shoulder to cry on.

It’s tough duty but it can be a loving endearing time. It’s sad but celebrate your time with your dad and mourn him afterwards. Prayers for your dad and your mom and you and the family.
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lilMAC25

lilMAC25 3773

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On 1/24/2023 at 6:04 PM, bullet said:

Sorry to hear that.  My Father went down very quickly a couple years ago, but it was simply old age (89).  Everything was failing.  I got a call he was put in Hospice and probably only had two or three days.  I flew to Houston to say good-byes and got my Mother, who wasn't very mobile up to the medical center from Clear Lake where they were in assisted living.  He did last a couple weeks.

My sister had died of cancer at 69 just about a year before that.  She fought it for a year and a half, but went down quickly at the end and did Hospice care at home for a couple weeks.  We all had time to come by.  She wasn't talking by the time I got there, but did manage to say hi when I face-timed my daughter for her.

One thing we did for the funerals was to get everyone to come up with pictures.  We have a nice picture book of my Father from his time as a very young boy to recent times.

Went through some Pics over Christmas, and I cried like a baby. 
 

Had to tell my oldest (9 yr old girl and his first grandkid) last night before taking her to see him and my wife, daughter and I all cried for 20+ minutes. Also had to call and tell my sister because my mother couldn’t. My poor mother (they’ve been together for 54 years counting dating) was crying for her mother who passed last year.

 

brutal

 

 

ive been going in and seeing him every day for as long as he will have me around. He’s in a lot of pain and discomfort so he usually falls asleep, then startles awake and tells me he loves me and he’s gonna nap so I should go.

 

Tearing up in the OR right now typing this out. Thank you guys for reading.

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Tex Pete

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On 1/24/2023 at 4:06 PM, lilMAC25 said:

Awful news. Oncologist and Pulmonologist just told my mother today that it’s time to consider hospice. 
 

He’s went downhill so rapidly this week, they’re giving him weeks to months to live.

 

I am devastated. My mother is broken. Horrible outcome for a good man.

😪

Continued prayers. As I mentioned before, I went down this road with my dad several years ago.

Love on him all you can. Leave nothing unsaid. Ask any question you can think of that you might ever want to know from him.

For me, it was brutal, but I spent almost every evening with my dad in his last few weeks. I sat and visited with him as he sat on the couch hunched over in agonizing pain, and I would climb up on the bed with him as he was going to sleep at night. We would talk about anything, and that is when I would ask him questions or tell him things. We had a great relationship, but those are my sweetest memories with him. I would lie there and weep while he drifted off, but my feelings were clear. So hard to explain the feelings, but I would not trade that time for anything.

Hang in there. Be thankful that you have a dad worthy of your love and worthy to be missed. You will come out stronger on the other side of this.

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lilMAC25

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Poor mother. Took him home last night on hospice care and the pain and drugs have finally pushed him over the edge mentally. She asked me to come over and disable the locks on the gun safes because he’s talking about people watching them and startling at every noise. 😭 I know my daddy, he’d rather have died quickly than lose control of his mind. 

 

We (my family and my parents) grew up and all live in Beaumont area, my sister got married and moved up to Dennison. It’s much harder for her to come see him.
 

again, thank you all for reading and responding. This is my therapy. I unload to you guys and I appreciate it being allowed and discussed.

 

 

ETA: Oncologist told us this has been an unusually aggressive case and it likely wouldn’t have mattered if he had the kidney out the day after it was found.

 

Edited by lilMAC25
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Texzilla58

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Sorry you’re going through all this. Take advantage of all the care hospice can provide with the nurse, care giver, and social worker. They can take a load off your mom and really soothe dad and the family.

Be with your dad as much as you can.

Between your siblings you should start to try to figure out the after care for your mom. Hopefully y’all can make arrangements so that she’s not hit with a totally empty house a day or two after the funeral.

When my dad died, my wife and I stayed with my mom about ten days before we had to return to a Portland. Things were fine while we were there but she fell apart once the house was empty. It was a tough transition until she decided to move back home to be with her sisters and mom.

Prayers for your dad, you and your family.

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horn4life

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First off I am sorry you and you family have to go through this.  It's a story that sadly is repeated over and over, maybe someday...Hospice is your friend.  They are there to help you and help you care for your loved one.  They are a closer evaluator of your father's condition, and can't give you personal comfort and give you good advice.  They simply have experience in this arena.  

While I am NOT a pharmacist but Adivan along with the morphine.  It's in the valium family, my FIL recently passed and the addition of this drug helped with the anxiety they experience.  Anyhow might ask the doc about some something for his mood?

The best you can do for him now is try to make him as comfortable as possible, and lean heavily on hospice. They are both knowledgable and supportive.  For my wife even though she is a Pharmacist in long term care their advice was invaluable in helping with choosing a course of action.  Thoughts and prayers for your Father and mother, stay strong.  I'm just glad your mom is lucky enough to have you around.

 

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EastTexan

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lilMAC25. I've been following your posts and the pain you and your family are going through. Cannot add much to the advice you've been given. Like many have said, relish this time with your Dad and Mom. 

In time this pain will ease and you will have many fond memories.

Prayers and God bless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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NTVTXN

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1 hour ago, lilMAC25 said:

At 3:47 PM on January 28, 2023 my father left this world. He was a damn good man.

 

I’ll miss you forever, Daddy.

I‘m sorry that you and your families had to go through this. 
I’m also sorry that your Dad had to endure the hell he went through. But I’m thankful that his pain is gone. 
I don’t know you from Adam, but I read the thread. Your Dad and your Mom raised a man who is loving, caring and just an overall good person. They should be proud, and I’m sure they are.

My prayer is that the Lord wrap your family in His arms and let you feel His Peace. The pain is gone. Your Dad is dancing in Heaven and just waiting for the day he dances again with your Mom.

 

 

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bullet 1596

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On 1/24/2023 at 7:35 PM, jimmyjazz said:

I'm sorry to hear the news.  You've received a lot of good advice on this thread.  I will say this -- not everything you do needs to be for your Dad or your Mom.  Some things can be for you.

My dad and I were a bit like some who have posted here, not really the explicit "I love you" out loud types, but our relationship was rock solid, as I alluded to before.  The last time I saw him, I was trying to lighten the mood a bit even though we knew what was coming, and I would soon be 700 miles away back in Austin.  It's just sort of our family's nature, "shrug it off".

I said goodbye, gave him a hug, and walked out of his room in hospice care.  Something made me turn back around.  He was sitting where I had left him, facing away from me, silhouetted in the light from his window.  I just said it out loud -- "I love you, Dad".  He nodded, I turned, and left.

I am forever grateful something made me do that.  He passed not many days later.  Not having had said "I love you, Dad" would have weighed on me forever.

When I went to go see my Dad at hospice, the first thing I did after checking in to the hotel, was get something to eat and then rather than driving, took a long walk to the Hospice.  I needed that.  My sisters were suggesting I do this and that to settle the business affairs, but the trip was for me and my Dad, not for business.

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On 1/26/2023 at 11:16 AM, lilMAC25 said:

Went through some Pics over Christmas, and I cried like a baby. 
 

Had to tell my oldest (9 yr old girl and his first grandkid) last night before taking her to see him and my wife, daughter and I all cried for 20+ minutes. Also had to call and tell my sister because my mother couldn’t. My poor mother (they’ve been together for 54 years counting dating) was crying for her mother who passed last year.

 

brutal

 

 

ive been going in and seeing him every day for as long as he will have me around. He’s in a lot of pain and discomfort so he usually falls asleep, then startles awake and tells me he loves me and he’s gonna nap so I should go.

 

Tearing up in the OR right now typing this out. Thank you guys for reading.

Toughest picture to look at was one of my Father, my oldest sister, my youngest sister and her daughter at the daughter's graduation.  It came up on the screen right before I was supposed to talk at the funeral.  As I mentioned, my oldest sister had died of cancer a year or so before.  The niece had also died that year of a drug OD.  So 3 of the 4 were gone.  I nearly lost it right there.  But we did have the picture of them at a happy time.

And you had your father still himself until almost the very end.  In that way it was a blessing.  My grandfather had a stroke and lived for about 18 months after, but couldn't communicate.  We had no idea how much of him was left.  Was he fully aware but horribly frustrated that he couldn't communicate?  Or was he just a vegetable grunting when he was uncomfortable?  That was a bad way to go.

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lilMAC25

lilMAC25 3773

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34 minutes ago, bullet said:

Toughest picture to look at was one of my Father, my oldest sister, my youngest sister and her daughter at the daughter's graduation.  It came up on the screen right before I was supposed to talk at the funeral.  As I mentioned, my oldest sister had died of cancer a year or so before.  The niece had also died that year of a drug OD.  So 3 of the 4 were gone.  I nearly lost it right there.  But we did have the picture of them at a happy time.

And you had your father still himself until almost the very end.  In that way it was a blessing.  My grandfather had a stroke and lived for about 18 months after, but couldn't communicate.  We had no idea how much of him was left.  Was he fully aware but horribly frustrated that he couldn't communicate?  Or was he just a vegetable grunting when he was uncomfortable?  That was a bad way to go.

Indeed. His two best friends growing up each died of a stroke in the past two years.

 

when Daddy was in the hospital last week he joked that he was mad because they had went relatively painlessly and he was stuck there hurting…. But then my oldest daughter snuck up and hugged him. What a blessing relative to what those friends had.

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