I'm giving you a million dollars...

[Parliament 14246]

Just a thought experiment, guys.  Might even learn something. 

I like you, so I'm gonna give you a bag full of random denominations.  I promise you it isn't drug money, or marked by the FBI.  Only rule is you can't declare it on taxes,  so you gotta spend it discreetly.

What do you do with it, and how long does it take to run it out, if you even can.  I'll start:

I rent, so I'll pay 1-2 months with cash every year.  Do most of my Walmart and gas buying with cash, and the rest with a credit card, just for looks.  Buy guns at shows with cash and just accumulate them.  Plenty of gun accumulators die with >$250k of weapons in the safe(s).  I could use that money up in 40 years, and never get pinched.

[UTGrad98 2271]

Obligatory...,

Nice try pig.

[TKthunder2 4985]

Scratch offs. Then put the winnings all on 17 black.

[52-80 19147]

spend 1/10th of it on a private investigator to find out how you got the money and whether i'd need to spend 2/10th to murder you to get more

[Incredulity 11654]

Thoroughly scan the piles of bills for tracking devices so I don’t end up dead at the Regal Motor Hotel.

[Neonmoon 38129]

[NeverMarryAStripper 21875]

Go to various Vegas sports books and put $5k on every combination of a three game parlay.  $40K cash goes out and $35k comes back laundered with a 1099.  Rinse and repeat

[Aqua Buddha 14582]

Whores.  I'm being serious.  

Of course, I'm not spending the entire million on them so here's what I would do with the rest.  Buy some real estate legit and use the cash for renovations and whatnot.  Subs like cash for various reasons and if you do it over a 5-10 year period, it's easy to hide.

To tie to the two together, I had a "regular" in the Northeast.  She was conservative with her spending but at one point, realized she had $200K cash in a safe at her house.  (By cash, I mean cash.)  Helped her launder it.  She owned a house and gradually paid for add ons and renovations over a few years.

That'll be $9.95 for the newsletter.

[FartingMonk 3606]

Start an only fans.  Make up ghost subscriptions using gift cards bought in cash. Charge 500 dollars a year subscription.  Money laundered.

[UT_OB1 2217]

Why is everyone trying to launder it instead of listing the cool shit they’d buy/do?  Degenerates. 
 

Id quit work, buy a used rv, and live a little bit of everywhere for 3-9 months at a time (California, Colorado, Alaska, Mexico, Nunavut). Assuming no major medical bills, I bet I could make that last 8-10 years.  

Edited November 26, 2022 by UT_OB1

[FartingMonk 3606]

No but really.  I'd go to Colombia and spend on hookers and cocaine.  I don't have a time line on when it runs out because who cares.  

[Coelenterate Fuccboi 13090]

4 hours ago, FartingMonk said:

Start an only fans.  Make up ghost subscriptions using gift cards bought in cash. Charge 500 dollars a year subscription.  Money laundered.

I have questions about you…

[Post Oak 20208]

I'd spend it on booze, chicks and fast cars.  The rest is just waste.

[midtown 3345]

Easy

[Dr. Teeth 5843]

You are going to resurrect the dead bodies of John Candy and Richard Pryor? Awesome. 

[Pato del Muerto 52486]

I think the single largest impediment to spending this cash without laundering it would be the wife getting us caught. 
 

The easiest thing would be buy groceries with cash to start. That’s $1500 a month, 2-300 at a time. 

maybe it’d work to buy prepaid debit cards to pay utilities?

don’t know how I’d burn big amounts. 

Possibly try to find a way to pay someone cash for home improvement projects to turn it into property value?

it really would be easier to launder it into 500k of clean money after taxes and laundry fee to use as I please. 

[South Austin 52456]

[Guest]

1 hour ago, South Austin said:

The only acceptable answer. 

[TonyTexas 10508]

10 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

The easiest thing would be buy groceries with cash to start. That’s $1500 a month, 2-300 at a time. 

You’re either Catholic or really fat

Edited November 27, 2022 by TonyTexas

[Guest]

On 11/25/2022 at 2:18 PM, TKthunder2 said:

Scratch offs. Then put the winnings all on 17 black.

Hellova  way to make a $10 bet.

[Guest]

Just buy a boat...Doesn't even need to be a big one.

[Not a cat 5652]

22 hours ago, UT_OB1 said:

Why is everyone trying to launder it instead of listing the cool shit they’d buy/do?  Degenerates. 
 

Id quit work, buy a used rv, and live a little bit of everywhere for 3-9 months at a time (California, Colorado, Alaska, Mexico, Nunavut). Assuming no major medical bills, I bet I could make that last 8-10 years.  

I retire in a couple of months.  This is my plan.  Already have the RV.

[Wally Fairway 5541]

Buy a message board, with a bunch of assholes posting there -that would cost me about tree fiddy

Then do some prepper shit, buying beans & bullets (guns/ammo/dry beans/freeze dried food).

Oh yeah and 2 chicks thing too.

If there is anything left, split it between investments in silver and scratchers

[Steel Shank 9421]

Buy a RV and play all the cool golf courses on the west coast. And Canada.

[Wally Fairway 5541]

35 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

Buy a RV and play all the cool golf courses on the west coast. And Canada.

Put Cabot Cliffs on your list - long way to travel, but what the hell you have an RV

[Sam Lin 3551]

Make sure you buy a sex tent for the RV. And read Wulaw's RV thread. And avoid overpasses.

[Steel Shank 9421]

Make sure you buy a sex tent for the RV. And read Wulaw's RV thread. And avoid overpasses.

aight

[0xdeadbeef 1645]

On 11/25/2022 at 11:58 PM, UT_OB1 said:

Why is everyone trying to launder it instead of listing the cool shit they’d buy/do?  Degenerates. 

You can't really do much cool shit if it isn't above board.  Buying HEB with cash for the next 25 years seems like a lot of opportunity for someone to accidentally stumble upon the stash.  

I don't need to be worrying about that 'suitcase' in the closet for the next 25 years.  I need to find a surefire way to launder it, or I make 200 bundles of $5,000 and anonymously give it to churches and charities.

2 months it's either converted to legit, or given away. After that I sleep well again.

[washparkhorn 9939]

1. Aquaponic indoor vertical farm.

2. Sell it to Elon Musk for his trip to Mars.

3. Profit. Return the money and pay the taxes.

 

[Mez2 4023]

On 11/26/2022 at 9:17 PM, slorch said:

Just buy a boat...Doesn't even need to be a big one.

If it flies, floats or fucks you're better of renting

[CoTex 1160]

Cormac McCarthy already did this one and he called it No Country for Old Men.

I know the correct answer is not 

“buy some tent poles, a shotgun and some Larry Mahans.”

 

 

[Wulaw Horn 19068]

Grocery store, gas stations, restaurants, gifts to family and friends for birthday and Xmas, the occasional trip to Vegas, Louisiana or cruise ships to gamble and the like. Call it 15 years. Unless my wife finds out about it then 10 years. 

[huge 3793]

Put it in the safe.  Then I can retire and the wife can keep working.

[tx 3 putt 76873]

Id goto cash life and donate cash to many local charities. Find families in need 

[RDCanecutter 26397]

My dentist's office is the only place I go that doesn't take cash, so I guess I could let my teeth rot out while bopping around buying whatever I normally buy. So it'd last 20 years easy since we live simply and don't owe much. Maybe knock a year or two off that because I would be buyin a restored Triumph TR-6, as well as taking a couple of extra trips just to bum around Mexico. But then again, traveling through Mexico (my Mexico, not some gotdam yell-at-Pedro-in-English-in-Cabo Mexico) doesn't cost any more than daily life in the US, if that.

Since I have to keep this cash off the grid, I guess instead of letting it all inflate away I'd have multiple things done on or around the house. Go down to the discrete gold shop and buy some ingots or maybe sell them back, just so I'm not stuck explaining why all my bills are 20 years out of date.

Or maybe I'd be all noble and shit and pile 900,000 of it in my restored TR-6 and drive to my impoverished home town, pull up at one doctor's office after another and ask to anonymously help out whoever had insurmountable medical bills. That'd get rid of most of it in a day or two and leave me free to drive around in a classic British convertible.

[B00M 6414]

On 1/4/2023 at 11:18 AM, tx 3 putt said:

Id goto cash life and donate cash to many local charities. Find families in need 

Think of all the MILFs at the local charities 

[SquishMitten 10403]

Only a million? Seems like it’d be more of a hassle than it’s worth

[Wally Fairway 5541]

@Parliament I'm still waiting for my $million; and so are my dealer and hoes 

[Parliament 14246]

Gonna be just tree fiddy.  (TSLA is killing me.)

[Anwar Namtut 344]

*Accountant nerd* It's a gift from you so I don't have to declare shit to the IRS or government and then I do what I want.

*Accountant nerd part 2* There is that cash deposit form to complete if I were to deposit it in a bank. I wouldn't care about filling it out. Or I'd open a whole bunch of bank accounts.