Text Before Calling: Phone Call SOPs

[956 Worldwide 34703]

Yesterday at work a colleague and I were dealing with someone who has the habit of just calling without setting up a call time, wanting to go over the project we have. Then I read this article in the post about people who have phobias about picking up the phone. That’s overwrought but I do realize I am way less tolerant about getting called even though it’s a recent thing. It used to be just the standard way to get someone but now I hate it. 
 

- Spouse, kids, parents, close relatives and maybe three friends— I will pick up or call without hesitating. But even parents and friends, if it’s outside of the usual weekend call, I will often message first to ask if it’s a good time. 
 

- Most friends and acquaintances, I text if I want to meet or to ask if they can talk if a phone call is needed. I expect the same from them, and if I get a call I get pissed if it’s not really important. A lot of times I won’t pick up and will just text back. 
 

- At work, if you’re in the building and just want to see if I’m at my desk so you can drive by to talk something through— fine, a bit old fashioned with Slack and Teams but whatever. If you’re calling my cell phone it better be a real emergency. If you’re calling to ask if I saw your email then fuck you. 
 

- Business calls I really only want for things like “your car is ready for pickup.” I rage quietly when someone calls without warning to talk about their project or issue or whatever. You’re yanking me out of what I’m doing and I’m not thinking about you at all. I don’t have what you need in front of me. Unless you are super fucking important, I will always tell you that I can’t talk at the moment or just let the phone ring and send you a text later. Having a work call is fine and normal, just email or text first and ask “when is a good time to talk about X, I’d like to have a call.”  We will both be ready and productive. 
 

What’s your call philosophy, and if you call people without warning, what is wrong with you? 
 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2022/11/28/unexpected-phone-call-horror/

[Js1 85289]

Family - answer when they call unless I can’t. Usually receive a follow up text if it’s not urgent, or a second phone call in rapid succession means it’s important 

Friends - yeah I have like 4-5 friends I’ll always pick up for, unless I can’t. Otherwise, text

Work - dont fucking cold call me. That includes my clients and my coworkers. Coworkers can use Teams to message me. Clients can send an email and schedule a call.  Otherwise I get to bill for client cold calls 

[PRONG HORN 3141]

  

 

 

 

 

[Telegraph_it 3357]

I agree. And don’t leave a fucking voicemail! 

[Guest]

If you call me-  leave a fucking message.  Text, voice, whatever.

If it was important enough to call me, it's important enough to leave a message so I can research the issue and have an answer when I call you back, saving us both time.

Don't like leaving messages?  Fuck you.  It's a phone, not a doorbell.  Stop fucking pinging me.  It'll be treated as a pocket dial.

[JMFP 1120]

Why do people walk around in public holding their phones like it's a piece of jellied toast? First of all you look stupid, second no one wants to hear your conversation... I even see people do this while driving. 

I see it so often I know some of you have to be doing this.  

 

[hornian 5210]

4 minutes ago, JMFP said:

Why do people walk around in public holding their phones like it's a piece of jellied toast? First of all you look stupid, second no one wants to hear your conversation... I even see people do this while driving. 

I see it so often I know some of you have to be doing this.  

 

It’s because the phone speakers these days are shitty and you can’t hear what is being said unless it’s on speaker phone. I’m convinced it’s a plot to make you buy AirPods or other headphones. 

[Nice Guy Eddie 13509]

5 minutes ago, JMFP said:

Why do people walk around in public holding their phones like it's a piece of jellied toast? First of all you look stupid, second no one wants to hear your conversation... I even see people do this while driving. 

I see it so often I know some of you have to be doing this.  

 

Or just how about stop having a conversation when you’re shopping. It’s rude to the person you’re talking with but more importantly it can slow down other shoppers because many people struggle to multitask.

[texasdago 7568]

35 minutes ago, JMFP said:

Why do people walk around in public holding their phones like it's a piece of jellied toast? First of all you look stupid, second no one wants to hear your conversation... I even see people do this while driving. 

I see it so often I know some of you have to be doing this.  

 

Because talk to text on some phones sucks.

 

That said, having a conversation on speaker in public is wrong 99.99% of the time.  Same goes for hiking on the greenbelt while jamming your terrible music on a speaker.

 

 

[Parliament 14247]

Family: text unless it's an emergency.

Coworkers: Call if it's gonna be a conversation.  If we can get what we need done in <4 back and forth texts, let's just text.  Otherwise call me, and I'll do the same for you.

Customers: Call me if you want.  Or text.  You're the customer and I'll accommodate. When I'm reaching out to you, I'll follow the coworker rule.

Voicemail: No way.  

Email: If you need to send files to a group of people.  NOT for a one-off and not for a conversation.

Teams chat: Use as a replacement for coworker text when you gotta send a file.

Teams call: I keep my calendar current.  Feel free to send me an 15-30 minute invite.  We get more done face-to-face.  Just put good notes in the invite re: the topic.  I'll come prepared.

But all-in-all, I don't get worked up if you break one of my "rules."  I'm here to help.  Being afraid of a phone call (like in your article) is dumb.  People are pansies.

Edited November 29, 2022 by Parliament

[CooterBrown 18004]

I agree. And don’t leave a fucking voicemail! 

I haven’t had voicemail set up on my cell phone in probably 10 years. I’ve missed nothing.

[Pig Bellmont 8712]

Work and family/social have different rules. The only person outside of work that calls without notice is my mother. 

[Jerry Callo 8699]

Text if it can be done in a couple sentences.  You start texting a damn novel, which requires me to respond with a novel, and I'm calling.  

[Billy Pilgrim 1960]

My wife has a bad habit of calling me when she’s bored while driving. I have never liked chatting over the phone just to talk and catch up. I’ll avoid those calls when I know she’s on the road.

[JMFP 1120]

1 minute ago, Billy Pilgrim said:

My wife has a bad habit of calling me when she’s bored while driving. I have never liked chatting over the phone just to talk and catch up. I’ll avoid those calls when I know she’s on the road.

Probably just her way of staying alert/awake and to keep from dozing off while driving. I work shift work and used to get calls at night from an operator at our neighboring entity. He would call in the middle of the night just to bullshit for 20 minutes just to stay awake. Dozing off at work for a little bit is not great but just means you might let an outage go on for a little bit longer than it could have, not like he's driving a car and his life depends on staying awake. 

[DeweyCox 366]

I don’t like text. I still just call people and prefer to be called. Group texts drive me bonkers.

[Helobious 9451]

I like text or email for work related stuff so there’s a written record of what was said when. But if someone calls and I recognize the number I’ll answer. I’m a millennial and mostly communicate by text with family/friends. 

[Celery Man 20933]

Work - if you’re teams calling me out of the blue it should be because you actually need quick feedback. If you message me “hey got a sec?” and then call when I say “sure”, fuck you. I meant to chat. Ask if I have a minute for a call. I’ll still say yes but I’ll have my headset ready.

on my actual phone? If I don’t have the number saved or recognize what it is it goes to voicemail. I’ll call you back when you verify you are not one of the million spam calls I get every single day.

I don’t know my work cell number and have never answered a non teams call on it. If I was in sales or customer success or something it would be different.

Edited November 29, 2022 by Celery Man

[texashorne 1177]

I own a business and my role is largely sales related so I'm all over the map on this one. 

I cold call my family

I cold call my staff

I cold call certain customers who I know are old school (and cold call me in return)

I'll warm up a call to other customers who I know prefer to text/email, but I make sure to get them on the phone and make it a priority to see them in person when I can. 

I get pissed when associates don't answer the phone when I need something IF they are not responding by text or email. 

I seem to get the answer I want more often than not when I speak to someone on the phone or see them in person. "No" is very easy to text, and being ghosted is even easier. My approach currently works for me, but if it stops, I am flexible for sure. I feel like my willingness to travel and see my customers in person gives me a huge advantage over my competition as they have reverted to text/zoom and they have indicated as much. 

I can see how everyone is different though..

 

[956 Worldwide 34703]

2 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

I haven’t had voicemail set up on my cell phone in probably 10 years. I’ve missed nothing.

I do not have voicemail set up on my phone and haven’t checked it in maybe five years. I don’t check the work voice mail either.

 

I think part of this is platform fatigue. With so many different ways to contact someone, I just expect people to use the most common ones. 

[Armybrat 40824]

The worst “sudden” call we ever got was last summer when my oldest son (vacationing in Florida) called at 10pm. He asked Mrs. Brat to put it on speaker, then after inquiring if we were both listening, abruptly said “Parker is dead”.

It still sends chills up my spine when remembering it every day and freaks me out. I will carry that godawful memory to my grave.

[BabaYaga 15289]

8 hours ago, Js1 said:

Family - answer when they call unless I can’t. Usually receive a follow up text if it’s not urgent, or a second phone call in rapid succession means it’s important 

Friends - yeah I have like 4-5 friends I’ll always pick up for, unless I can’t. Otherwise, text

Work - dont fucking cold call me. That includes my clients and my coworkers. Coworkers can use Teams to message me. Clients can send an email and schedule a call.  Otherwise I get to bill for client cold calls 

This.  Keep it simple

 

[immamac 42838]

Friends/Family - I just call if I want to have a conversation 

Vendors - I call first, send a contact us if they don't answer

Work - I ping and ask if they are free before voice always. 

 

I don't mind if people call me because I'm not a cunt. 

 

[TornACL 7698]

There's a lady in my neighborhood who goes on a walk every morning around 7am. She uses the speaker phone, it's turned up to full blast. If I am outside I can hear her "talking" into her phone from at least 4 houses away, and as she passes I can hear everything the other person is saying. 

I just assume people like that are oblivious assholes. Simplest explanation.

Also, who the fuck wants to chit chat on the phone at 7 in the fucking morning?

[MeerkatBong 115]

It's amazing how technology as shaped us to where people are scared of the phone as the OP said he was reading about these new phobias. Maybe there are people that have always been and just now are accommodated, I don't know.

Talking on the phone takes energy and work and effort. That's why we hate it. We like to be left alone to our own curious devices and we like to not have to focus or give 100% attention so we can be mediocre at multi-tasking. That's my theory anyways.

7 minutes ago, TornACL said:

There's a lady in my neighborhood who goes on a walk every morning around 7am. She uses the speaker phone, it's turned up to full blast. If I am outside I can hear her "talking" into her phone from at least 4 houses away, and as she passes I can hear everything the other person is saying. 

I just assume people like that are oblivious assholes. Simplest explanation.

Also, who the fuck wants to chit chat on the phone at 7 in the fucking morning?

That's uncouth. Someone should say something to this lady.

[956 Worldwide 34703]

54 minutes ago, texashorne said:

I own a business and my role is largely sales related so I'm all over the map on this one. 

I cold call my family

I cold call my staff

I cold call certain customers who I know are old school (and cold call me in return)

I'll warm up a call to other customers who I know prefer to text/email, but I make sure to get them on the phone and make it a priority to see them in person when I can. 

I get pissed when associates don't answer the phone when I need something IF they are not responding by text or email. 

I seem to get the answer I want more often than not when I speak to someone on the phone or see them in person. "No" is very easy to text, and being ghosted is even easier. My approach currently works for me, but if it stops, I am flexible for sure. I feel like my willingness to travel and see my customers in person gives me a huge advantage over my competition as they have reverted to text/zoom and they have indicated as much. 

I can see how everyone is different though..

 

This is exactly what is motivating the guy who keeps calling me and my colleague, and I can tell, and it’s manipulative. He knows that his project is more valuable to him than it is to us, he knows (because we have told him) that we have a few other things to focus on fully first and we are still in the early stages of planning, and he’s calling in the hopes of us giving him the answer he wants and our full attention now. Which is why I feel free to say “I am actually tied up at the minute, let’s schedule a call if you need to go over this.

It doesn’t help that he’s either purposefully or obliviously regularly calling at awful times because of time zone and cultural differences. Once at closing time on a Friday and once on a local holiday when our office was closed. And I have my work cell in my email signature because the job is one where there fairly regularly is a true need to get me after hours and on weekends with a text or call. And most people get that and are respectful, so if you call to talk about bullshit that won’t happen till two months down the road on a day off, I am less and not more inclined to give you the answer you want. 

[956 Worldwide 34703]

28 minutes ago, MeerkatBong said:

It's amazing how technology as shaped us to where people are scared of the phone as the OP said he was reading about these new phobias. Maybe there are people that have always been and just now are accommodated, I don't know.

Talking on the phone takes energy and work and effort. That's why we hate it. We like to be left alone to our own curious devices and we like to not have to focus or give 100% attention so we can be mediocre at multi-tasking. That's my theory anyways.

That's uncouth. Someone should say something to this lady.

The opposite. If you call and want a meaningful conversation (especially work related) I want you to schedule so you can get my full attention.
 

Cold calls tell me: I want to talk about me and my thing, now is good for me, and it doesn’t matter if it’s good for you. Stop what you’re doing and focus on me and my thing. 
 

No. I’m happy to focus on you and your thing, let’s find a time that’s good for us. I’ll block off my calendar, I’ll have what I need to give you an answer, and I won’t be focused on the thing I was doing before you called. 

[BabaYaga 15289]

1 hour ago, TornACL said:

There's a lady in my neighborhood who goes on a walk every morning around 7am. She uses the speaker phone, it's turned up to full blast. If I am outside I can hear her "talking" into her phone from at least 4 houses away, and as she passes I can hear everything the other person is saying. 

I just assume people like that are oblivious assholes. Simplest explanation.

Also, who the fuck wants to chit chat on the phone at 7 in the fucking morning?

The only thing worse than that are assholes at the neighborhood amenity center gym using their phones as a speaker with no ear pods/buds.

[BabaYaga 15289]

Caveat to this is texting

My wife daily:  all separate texts so my phone sounds like a slot machine if the ringer is on

Hey

You there?

Hey

So Susy?  Remember her?

Can you believe it?

Crazy

 

[midtown 3345]

Anyone who wants to actually talk to me other than family knows to text me first and say "hey I need to talk, pick up".  Although now that both my parents are gone I'm less concerned about a family call with some type of an emergency.  Clients have my personal mobile and I pick up if I'm available. 

[Chewbacca 7767]

1 hour ago, texashorne said:

I own a business and my role is largely sales related so I'm all over the map on this one. 

I cold call my family

I cold call my staff

I cold call certain customers who I know are old school (and cold call me in return)

I'll warm up a call to other customers who I know prefer to text/email, but I make sure to get them on the phone and make it a priority to see them in person when I can. 

I get pissed when associates don't answer the phone when I need something IF they are not responding by text or email. 

I seem to get the answer I want more often than not when I speak to someone on the phone or see them in person. "No" is very easy to text, and being ghosted is even easier. My approach currently works for me, but if it stops, I am flexible for sure. I feel like my willingness to travel and see my customers in person gives me a huge advantage over my competition as they have reverted to text/zoom and they have indicated as much. 

I can see how everyone is different though..

 

Fuck off, extrovert.  Us introverts want to be left alone.

[Brisketexan 105077]

My wife got in a knockdown-dragout fight with a wedding vendor a few weeks ago based on how he called her (she is the minister).

It was a wedding somewhat out of town, so a bit of a drive.  She's on the road there, a good 2 hours before the wedding, driving.  Her phone rings, it comes up on the screen as "XYZ LLC" -- in other words, an entity she's never heard of.  So, she doesn't answer.  A few seconds later, the number calls her again.  Then again.  Then again.  NINE FUCKING TIMES.  She finally calls ME, to ask me to look up the entity -- it's just a warehouse front somewhere in Austin.  I tell her "if someone is calling you that many times, I think you need to answer, even if to tell them to fuck off."

While I'm on with her, it rings again.  She answers it.  It's the fucking musician, asking her where he should set up.  She tears into him -- "I'm a MINISTER.  When someone calls me repeatedly, I can only think it's an emergency -- someone is dead or in the hospital.  Your caller ID doesn't tell me who you are -- if you need to speak to me, WHILE I'M DRIVING, leave a voicemail.  I'll tell you where to set up when I get there, I'm 10 minutes away."

Well, he got ripshit pissed at her for chewing him out for his lack of common sense and manners, and left bad Yelp reviews and shit about her (she got them pulled down).  But NINE fucking calls, in succession, so you KNOW the person isn't answering or can't answer.....and you don't leave a voicemail, you don't send a text....you just keep calling.  That's fucking rude asshole level 10.

If I call someone and they don't answer, I either leave a message on that call, send a text, or call again for the express purpose of leaving a message.  I don't call repeatedly.  Even if it IS an emergency (and that has been the case on occasion) -- I send a text, and leave a VM, telling them to call me back ASAP, it's an emergency.  Then maybe I try again 10 minutes later, if it really is an urgent matter.

 

EDIT: and as for calls from my wife, it became the case that when my phone rang during the day and it was her, I thought "oh shit, brace yourself, what shit has gone wrong now?"  She only called me to tell me something had gone wrong, some crisis was happening, etc.  It was pavlovian -- I saw my wife on the caller ID, and my gut clenched.  I told her, and she agreed that was awful.  So, now she usually texts before she calls, and her text tells me whether it's an urgent matter, what it's about in general, etc., so it's not so anxiety-producing.  I appreciate that.

Edited November 29, 2022 by Brisketexan

[Chewbacca 7767]

4 minutes ago, midtown said:

Anyone who wants to actually talk to me other than family knows to text me first and say "hey I need to talk, pick up".  Although now that both my parents are gone I'm less concerned about a family call with some type of an emergency.  Clients have my personal mobile and I pick up if I'm available. 

My family has been instructed that if it is important, call twice back to back and I'll pick up the second one.  But it better be fucking important.

[TornACL 7698]

1 hour ago, BabaYaga said:

Caveat to this is texting

My wife daily:  all separate texts so my phone sounds like a slot machine 

One of the things I really noticed more than ever once we returned to the office was people who have their ringer set to full volume, and have sound notifications for every text, work email, etc that comes through.

That shit would drive me literally crazy if I had to listen to those dings every 30 seconds during every waking hour.

[Guest]

 I  don’t turn my ringer on my cell phone on position unless I have a very important call that I do not want to miss. Otherwise, that sumbeach is on silent.  I have two coworkers is the phones are constantly buzzing barking going off, making all kinds of carnival noises. I Sit there and want them to go back to their shanties.

I think people get off on the constant interaction with their phone. Fuck that. 

Edited November 29, 2022 by slorch

[Homercles 10205]

I spent five years at two companies doing tech support, and I hate talking on the phone with the fiery of a thousand post-Matt’s El Rancho burned assholes.  

Tier 1:  Wife, daycare or school…any of them calling is usually bad news, even if it’s just my wife calling to give me a honey-do

Tier 2:  Boss or family.  Unless fully indisposed or on a critical meeting, will answer.  

Tier 3:  Everyone else.  Leave a voicemail, or don’t.  I don’t give a shit.  

[NOMAAA 1696]

6 hours ago, JMFP said:

Why do people walk around in public holding their phones like it's a piece of jellied toast? First of all you look stupid, second no one wants to hear your conversation... I even see people do this while driving. 

I see it so often I know some of you have to be doing this.  

 

mom died of brain cancer and i stopped holding the phone to my ear.  but i will put in headphones if in public.

[BabaYaga 15289]

16 minutes ago, slorch said:

 I  don’t turn my ringer on my cell phone on position unless I have a very important call that I do not want to miss. Otherwise, that sumbeach is on silent.  I have two coworkers is the phones are constantly buzzing barking going off, making all kinds of carnival noises. I Sit there and want them to go back to their shanties.

I think people get off on the constant interaction with their phone. Fuck that. 

Mine's tied to my GPS watch, so I get notifications and can read them in silent or open my phone if needed.  So used to it my "nice" watches are collecting dust in the safe.  

[Samson's Wig 3191]

Neurotic.  That's the word.

[956 Worldwide 34703]

1 hour ago, slorch said:

 I  don’t turn my ringer on my cell phone on position unless I have a very important call that I do not want to miss. Otherwise, that sumbeach is on silent.  I have two coworkers is the phones are constantly buzzing barking going off, making all kinds of carnival noises. I Sit there and want them to go back to their shanties.

I think people get off on the constant interaction with their phone. Fuck that. 

Same-same. And I only allow work emails and texts to silently show on my Lock Screen, so I can tell at a glance if it’s urgent. 
 

Everything else is silent and I go into the app when I want to check it on my own time. 

[stc 1460]

fuck the "can you talk" text. just call and i'll answer if I can talk, that's how phone calls work. voicemail is not set up on my cell phone so you will not be leaving a message. 

[Superhero 8828]

Wife and kids - they’ll usually text but I’ll always pick up when they call because it’s likely something important.

People in my department will usually gchat me before tapping me on the shoulder. I freakin’ hate people doing that because it breaks my concentration, but don’t really have a choice because 30 seconds with me will keep them productive for an hour. I’m pushing to take over an office once the current owner starts working out of our LA Office.

People outside my department or subcontractors will text or call. I pick up phone calls from people in my address book.

If they’re not in my address book, I’ll play Russian roulette and sometimes pick up my phone. About 1/2 the time I’ll let it go to VM and maybe respond depending on who called and what they want.

 

Phone etiquette aside, I HATE internal emails with a burning passion of a thousand Weber grills. I set up gchat spaces for my department and project teams. Those are a lot easier to follow and the attachments never get missed. GMail search is absolutely worthless.

[MonkeyDoughnut 10229]

If you have voicemail setup, I'm leaving you a voicemail 10/10 times since I assume you prefer that rather then following the call/text back of "did you need something".

 

It seems like there aren't many sales people in this thread either. 

[52-80 19147]

Ive shared this once but i had a coworker who would email, desktop message, desktop call, phone message, and finally phone call…all in 1 minute succession, if any one of those contacts arent replied to. 
 

basically if i see his email come in and get up to take a shit, i expect my phone to ring while im on the toilet. 
 

dude was ultra annoying. 

[Neonmoon 38129]

1 hour ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

If you have voicemail setup, I'm leaving you a voicemail 10/10 times

You are a fucking monster 

 

[JMFP 1120]

I like to wheresmycellphone.com people over and over that cut me off or drive shitty and have their mobile phone printed on their windows on their commercial vehicles. Usually I do it when I work the night shift or on the weekends... 

[CleverNickname 1308]

Teleworking thing my workplace is still sorting out: I think basic etiquette demands a Teams chat "have time to talk?" before the Teams call. But this is not universally observed.