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Huge Piece of Shit and alleged Woman Abuser Chris Beard has been hired at Mississippi


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Posted
1 hour ago, Deej said:

"You know, Matthew, I always dreamed of tossing my crazy girlfriend off this building."

 

chris-beard-matthew-mcconaughey.png

Ok photoshop gif maker guys, do your work...

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Posted
14 minutes ago, Herbie Hancock said:

It always makes me giggle and shake my head all at the same time when Imma goes full retard. Dude, just stop.

I'm the one saying he's gone - now we are just piling on why he's so stupid that he actually choked away arguably the best job in college basketball.

Posted
21 minutes ago, immamac said:

IDK told him to leave the fucking house? Given him advice that lawyers give to people in these situations so he didn't lose his fucking job? Tell the cops they can arrest the client but the client isn't saying shit and get started on the bail etc way the fuck ahead of time so it wasn't just some bullshit until noon thing? Sat on the fucking cops while they wrote out a statement because they needed it to defend their client? 

I mean you are the lawyer man, what would you do if your client called you and had this shit go down? Everything you could to set them up for basically the opposite of how this went down.

I respect all the people who say “never hit a woman”.  In general that’s what you strive to do.  But if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out, you are going to be surprised.   That shit happens and anybody who says “never hit a woman”, fuck that.  

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Posted
34 minutes ago, Born to Run said:
1 hour ago, ChickenSandwich said:
Former Business partner had the same thing happen living with his baby momma. She was physical, slap, strangle and scratch. He was bleeding from the ear and lip. Hand prints on neck. Neighbors called cops, she didn't have a scratch on her,( 5 ft 95lbs vs 6-1 200) he went to jail. Charged with felony assault. CPS was called, and she was able to hold the threat of never seeing his child again while going to court and dealing with that and CPS etc. 
 
They eventually pled to misd and probation. 
 
Long story short, family court eventually grated him full custody and hinted he should leave the state/move so she couldn’t challenge custody easily and she was only allowed supervised visitation. 

Yep, it's loaded deck, play your cards accordingly.

Sounds like he won and got custody. Where is the deck loading?

Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, Herbie Hancock said:

It always makes me giggle and shake my head all at the same time when Imma goes full retard. Dude, just stop.

I was literally trying to get an update and started laughing.

 

6 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I respect all the people who say “never hit a woman”.  In general that’s what you strive to do.  But if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out, you are going to be surprised.   That shit happens and anybody who says “never hit a woman”, fuck that.  

That is why you bang them and dont get engaged or date for 5 years.... Its about heeding the warning signs man.

Edited by Pimphand
Posted
6 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I respect all the people who say “never hit a woman”.  In general that’s what you strive to do.  But if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out, you are going to be surprised.   That shit happens and anybody who says “never hit a woman”, fuck that.  

Be careful, truth doesn't sit well with some around here.

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Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, Valmy77 said:

Sounds like he won and got custody. Where is the deck loading?

Now ask how much it cost him to do that.

And not just in $$$s either.  Then ask our Surly attorneys how often that scenario actually works out that way, even when the man is in the right and is the better parent.

Dig a bit deeper and you'll have your answer.

Edited by Cajun
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Posted
9 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I respect all the people who say “never hit a woman”.  In general that’s what you strive to do.  But if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out, you are going to be surprised.   That shit happens and anybody who says “never hit a woman”, fuck that.  

So, what do you do? Hit them with a right cross? The ol' one two?

Posted
14 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out

 

scooby-doo-thats-my-fetish (3).gif

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Posted
Just now, Cajun said:

Be careful, truth doesn't sit well with some around here.

If somebody is trying to gauge your eyes out you can defend yourself sufficiently to escape the situation. But then call the police.

I mean sure it generally is also a good idea to avoid ripping out a persons beating heart and make them swallow it as they slowly die. I am sure however if we think about it some we might come up with a scenario where we have to do that. What if the only way to save the world was making somebody eat their own heart? Fair enough. There might be a scenario where you have to do that. But generally you shouldn't and you shouldn't hit women, or children, or men, or small animals. 

Common sense people.

Posted
1 minute ago, Cajun said:

Wasn't talking about him.

I hit my sister once when we were kids.  Open hand, less than full force   We were fighting about something and she spit in my mouth as a defense mechanism.  I reacted.  My dad returned the favor.  Haven’t done it since.

 

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Posted
11 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

I hit my sister once when we were kids.  Open hand, less than full force   We were fighting about something and she spit in my mouth as a defense mechanism.  I reacted.  My dad returned the favor.  Haven’t done it since.

 

Well... if she spit in your mouth. Gravity says she was on top and winning.  

Posted
25 minutes ago, Valmy77 said:

Sounds like he won and got custody. Where is the deck loading?

Tens of thousands spent on a lawyer to clear name and remove felony. CPS check ups monthly for 12 months. labeled a wife beater. 
 

He got custody because she was caught with meth while working at Nordstroms and ended up doing a few border drug runs until she got caught. 
 

His family lawyer (also tens of thousands) got judge to make a quick custody order (not finalized) while she was in jail and them was told indirectly that if he moved out of state, any custody challenges would have to be done in that new state  

It flat out ruined his life for three years before she fucked up and he could get away.  He was fucking lucky but yes, the deck is incredibly stacked  

 

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Posted (edited)
48 minutes ago, Valmy77 said:

If somebody is trying to gauge your eyes out you can defend yourself sufficiently to escape the situation. But then call the police.

I mean sure it generally is also a good idea to avoid ripping out a persons beating heart and make them swallow it as they slowly die. I am sure however if we think about it some we might come up with a scenario where we have to do that. What if the only way to save the world was making somebody eat their own heart? Fair enough. There might be a scenario where you have to do that. But generally you shouldn't and you shouldn't hit women, or children, or men, or small animals. 

Common sense people.

This is coming from a person who has never had someone trying to legitimately trying to kill him. Again I’m not saying that’s what happened here, but I am saying if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy person trying to kill you, the last thing on your mind is your job requirements or anything else other than trying to keep your balls and eyes intact.  Oh, you should never hit a woman.  Fuck that, if a woman is trying to injure you, you should by all means knock the fuck out of her.  This is an equal opportunity world.  Fuck around and find out applies to all sexes. 
 

Also, gouge.  Goddamnit.

Edited by Judge Roybeanbag
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Posted

I’m just hoping that we’ve learned a valuable lesson here, which is sark should have already won the conference like Dykes did this year. I’d also like for us to hold CDC accountable for all the women beaters who have ever attended Texas, because that makes the most sense. Now close this thread and let’s talk about Beard in the football transfer portal thread. 

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Posted
54 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

I hit my sister once when we were kids.  Open hand, less than full force   We were fighting about something and she spit in my mouth as a defense mechanism.  I reacted.  My dad returned the favor.  Haven’t done it since.

 

Not my fetish - plus, I don't have a sister.

Posted
43 minutes ago, horn4life said:

Well... if she spit in your mouth. Gravity says she was on top and winning.  

Yep. He got his ass kicked twice. First by his sister and then by his dad. Sometimes, real life is a bitch.

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Posted
16 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Fuck that, if a woman is trying to injure you, you should by all means knock the fuck out of her.  This is an equal opportunity world.  Fuck around and find out applies to all sexes. 
 

Also, gouge.  Goddamnit.

You can say it's an equal opportunity world, but I don't recommend trying to die on that hill in a courtroom.

Posted
7 minutes ago, TornACL said:

You can say it's an equal opportunity world, but I don't recommend trying to die on that hill in a courtroom.

I reckon not, but I’d rather die in a courtroom than in my own bedroom, with some crazy bitch trying to kill me.  It happens.  Again not saying it happened here but it does happen. 

Posted
3 hours ago, immamac said:

Exactly this and also why wasn't his 800/hr lawyer there immediately once the cops were called? Like what the actual fuck. 

Possibly because he was drunk and didn't think to call him? His decision-making wasn't exactly top shelf that night / morning. 

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Posted
2 minutes ago, honolulu horn said:

Possibly because he was drunk and didn't think to call him? His decision-making wasn't exactly top shelf that night / morning. 

The one thing that has been in my wallet the longest is the business card of a friend who is a criminal defense attorney.  You never know.  Credit cards come and go, his business card remains.

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Posted
4 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

The one thing that has been in my wallet the longest is the business card of a friend who is a criminal defense attorney.  You never know.  Credit cards come and go, his business card remains.

Oh, I work with many many attorneys, and I've got the top three in my phone's personal contacts list. I'm with you. I'm just saying if he was blotted that night (IF, I mean I don't know if that's been ascertained yet), then maybe calling his attorney didn't register like it should've. 

Posted
IDK told him to leave the fucking house? Given him advice that lawyers give to people in these situations so he didn't lose his fucking job? Tell the cops they can arrest the client but the client isn't saying shit and get started on the bail etc way the fuck ahead of time so it wasn't just some bullshit until noon thing? Sat on the fucking cops while they wrote out a statement because they needed it to defend their client? 
I mean you are the lawyer man, what would you do if your client called you and had this shit go down? Everything you could to set them up for basically the opposite of how this went down.

Are we certain that Minton was even Beard’s attorney before mid/late morning Monday? I mean it’s not like he’d have a criminal defense attorney working on his contract or anything else. I imagine he used his one call to call his regular (non-defense) attorney, who recommended Minton and got that set up because, you know, Beard was incarcerated.
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Posted
7 hours ago, Keef said:

Question for the Surly law dawgs - if a state university terminates you for Cause (as defined in an employment agreement) and the employee disputes the finding of Cause and sues the university, is the university protected under sovereign immunity in Texas?  Because you could drive a truck through the cause definition that has been shared and I'm curious why Beard's lawyer allowed so broad a provision.  He had all the leverage in the world when negotiating.  

I’d tell you to ask Mike Leach about Texas Tech’s sovereign immunity and how well fighting that worked out for him, but he’s dead. 

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Posted
1 minute ago, C-Man said:


Are we certain that Minton was even Beard’s attorney before mid/late morning Monday? I mean it’s not like he’d have a criminal defense attorney working on his contract or anything else. I imagine he used his one call to call his regular (non-defense) attorney, who recommended Minton and got that set up because, you know, Beard was incarcerated.

There are a lot of posters who seem to think that "lawyer" is just one big monolithic job code with no particular specialization within. 

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Posted
4 minutes ago, C-Man said:


Are we certain that Minton was even Beard’s attorney before mid/late morning Monday? I mean it’s not like he’d have a criminal defense attorney working on his contract or anything else. I imagine he used his one call to call his regular (non-defense) attorney, who recommended Minton and got that set up because, you know, Beard was incarcerated.

Minton was his attorney 15 seconds after he called his agent and told him he had been arrested for felony assault.

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Posted
3 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

There are a lot of posters who seem to think that "lawyer" is just one big monolithic job code with no particular specialization within. 

Well, to be fair I've known plenty of lawyers who practically thought the same thing. Law is law, right? Even if they know nothing about it, they'll start in like they do, because that's basically what law school trains you to do, even if you spit out the caveat, "this isn't my specialty" every once in a while as a CYA. 

I'm not saying that's every attorney, but it's a bunch of them. And if you happen to get two attorneys in the same room, neither of whom have the specialty being discussed, well...you'll be there all day. 

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Posted
Minton was his attorney 15 seconds after he called his agent and told him he had been arrested for felony assault.

Which was almost certainly made from jail, not in enough time for Minton to get to the scene before he was hauled off by Austin’s “finest.”
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Posted
7 hours ago, perfectchaos007 said:

Whether it’s true or not, I get the impression Beard’s girlfriend has a similar personality to Hope Solo, with the main difference being we haven’t seen her b-hole….yet

I'm suddenly hungry for Arby's

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