Huge Piece of Shit and alleged Woman Abuser Chris Beard has been hired at Mississippi

[Herbie Hancock 7491]

It always makes me giggle and shake my head all at the same time when Imma goes full retard. Dude, just stop.

[Funk Doctor Spock 13287]

35 minutes ago, Hookah Horns said:

5 max, imo. Certainly in the wrong quadrant of the hot/crazy matrix. 

Her face does look to have too much sun exposure and more freckles and wrinkles that should be considered impossible, yet here we are. 

[Cajun 11778]

1 hour ago, Deej said:

"You know, Matthew, I always dreamed of tossing my crazy girlfriend off this building."

 

Ok photoshop gif maker guys, do your work...

[immamac 44377]

14 minutes ago, Herbie Hancock said:

It always makes me giggle and shake my head all at the same time when Imma goes full retard. Dude, just stop.

I'm the one saying he's gone - now we are just piling on why he's so stupid that he actually choked away arguably the best job in college basketball.

[horn4life 3838]

Would anyone like to buy some heavily discounted caps? 

Edited December 14, 2022 by horn4life

[Judge Roybeanbag 11860]

21 minutes ago, immamac said:

IDK told him to leave the fucking house? Given him advice that lawyers give to people in these situations so he didn't lose his fucking job? Tell the cops they can arrest the client but the client isn't saying shit and get started on the bail etc way the fuck ahead of time so it wasn't just some bullshit until noon thing? Sat on the fucking cops while they wrote out a statement because they needed it to defend their client? 

I mean you are the lawyer man, what would you do if your client called you and had this shit go down? Everything you could to set them up for basically the opposite of how this went down.

I respect all the people who say “never hit a woman”.  In general that’s what you strive to do.  But if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out, you are going to be surprised.   That shit happens and anybody who says “never hit a woman”, fuck that.  

[Valmy77 13626]

34 minutes ago, Born to Run said:

1 hour ago, ChickenSandwich said:

Former Business partner had the same thing happen living with his baby momma. She was physical, slap, strangle and scratch. He was bleeding from the ear and lip. Hand prints on neck. Neighbors called cops, she didn't have a scratch on her,( 5 ft 95lbs vs 6-1 200) he went to jail. Charged with felony assault. CPS was called, and she was able to hold the threat of never seeing his child again while going to court and dealing with that and CPS etc. 
 
They eventually pled to misd and probation. 
 
Long story short, family court eventually grated him full custody and hinted he should leave the state/move so she couldn’t challenge custody easily and she was only allowed supervised visitation. 

Yep, it's loaded deck, play your cards accordingly.

Sounds like he won and got custody. Where is the deck loading?

[Pimphand 6371]

22 minutes ago, Herbie Hancock said:

It always makes me giggle and shake my head all at the same time when Imma goes full retard. Dude, just stop.

I was literally trying to get an update and started laughing.

 

6 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I respect all the people who say “never hit a woman”.  In general that’s what you strive to do.  But if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out, you are going to be surprised.   That shit happens and anybody who says “never hit a woman”, fuck that.  

That is why you bang them and dont get engaged or date for 5 years.... Its about heeding the warning signs man.

Edited December 14, 2022 by Pimphand

[Cajun 11778]

6 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I respect all the people who say “never hit a woman”.  In general that’s what you strive to do.  But if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out, you are going to be surprised.   That shit happens and anybody who says “never hit a woman”, fuck that.  

Be careful, truth doesn't sit well with some around here.

[Cajun 11778]

9 minutes ago, Valmy77 said:

Sounds like he won and got custody. Where is the deck loading?

Now ask how much it cost him to do that.

And not just in $$$s either.  Then ask our Surly attorneys how often that scenario actually works out that way, even when the man is in the right and is the better parent.

Dig a bit deeper and you'll have your answer.

Edited December 14, 2022 by Cajun

[aggie08 21826]

9 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I respect all the people who say “never hit a woman”.  In general that’s what you strive to do.  But if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out, you are going to be surprised.   That shit happens and anybody who says “never hit a woman”, fuck that.  

So, what do you do? Hit them with a right cross? The ol' one two?

[conVINCEd 21477]

3 minutes ago, Cajun said:

Be careful, truth doesn't sit well with some around here.

Beard looked like he was in a fight to the death in his mugshot photo.

[Cajun 11778]

1 minute ago, conVINCEd said:

Beard looked like he was in a fight to the death in his mugshot photo.

Wasn't talking about him.

[Cajun 11778]

3 minutes ago, aggie08 said:

So, what do you do? Hit them with a right cross? The ol' one two?

Beep their nose and then throw your Coke on them.

[Pimphand 6371]

#undefeated

[Cajun 11778]

Yup

[Deej 77843]

14 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out

 

[Valmy77 13626]

Just now, Cajun said:

Be careful, truth doesn't sit well with some around here.

If somebody is trying to gauge your eyes out you can defend yourself sufficiently to escape the situation. But then call the police.

I mean sure it generally is also a good idea to avoid ripping out a persons beating heart and make them swallow it as they slowly die. I am sure however if we think about it some we might come up with a scenario where we have to do that. What if the only way to save the world was making somebody eat their own heart? Fair enough. There might be a scenario where you have to do that. But generally you shouldn't and you shouldn't hit women, or children, or men, or small animals. 

Common sense people.

[Not a cat 5808]

Big animals are cool to hit though.  Have at it.

[conVINCEd 21477]

1 minute ago, Cajun said:

Wasn't talking about him.

I hit my sister once when we were kids.  Open hand, less than full force   We were fighting about something and she spit in my mouth as a defense mechanism.  I reacted.  My dad returned the favor.  Haven’t done it since.

 

[troph 25231]

1 hour ago, MotownHorn said:

some idiot journalists have written some op-eds

Yeah I’ll go searching for those right now. 

[Deej 77843]

I think we're dodging a bullet. If we keep him, it is just a matter of time before he moves Fitlump into his house. 

 

 

 

 

 

[horn4life 3838]

11 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

I hit my sister once when we were kids.  Open hand, less than full force   We were fighting about something and she spit in my mouth as a defense mechanism.  I reacted.  My dad returned the favor.  Haven’t done it since.

 

Well... if she spit in your mouth. Gravity says she was on top and winning.  

[hobbes2702 13488]

13 minutes ago, Not a cat said:

Big animals are cool to hit though.  Have at it.

Username maybe checks out

[ChickenSandwich 9960]

25 minutes ago, Valmy77 said:

Sounds like he won and got custody. Where is the deck loading?

Tens of thousands spent on a lawyer to clear name and remove felony. CPS check ups monthly for 12 months. labeled a wife beater. 
 

He got custody because she was caught with meth while working at Nordstroms and ended up doing a few border drug runs until she got caught. 
 

His family lawyer (also tens of thousands) got judge to make a quick custody order (not finalized) while she was in jail and them was told indirectly that if he moved out of state, any custody challenges would have to be done in that new state  

It flat out ruined his life for three years before she fucked up and he could get away.  He was fucking lucky but yes, the deck is incredibly stacked  

 

[conVINCEd 21477]

10 minutes ago, horn4life said:

Well... if she spit in your mouth. Gravity says she was on top and winning.  

She wound up and defied gravity like Phil Dawson against UVA.

[Wally Pryor 5410]

1 minute ago, conVINCEd said:

She wound up and defied gravity like Phil Dawson against UVA.

Here. Still can't believe that ball cleared the cross bar.

[troph 25231]

10 minutes ago, Wally Pryor said:

Here. Still can't believe that ball cleared the cross bar.

if memory serves, you were on the PA that day.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11860]

48 minutes ago, Valmy77 said:

If somebody is trying to gauge your eyes out you can defend yourself sufficiently to escape the situation. But then call the police.

I mean sure it generally is also a good idea to avoid ripping out a persons beating heart and make them swallow it as they slowly die. I am sure however if we think about it some we might come up with a scenario where we have to do that. What if the only way to save the world was making somebody eat their own heart? Fair enough. There might be a scenario where you have to do that. But generally you shouldn't and you shouldn't hit women, or children, or men, or small animals. 

Common sense people.

This is coming from a person who has never had someone trying to legitimately trying to kill him. Again I’m not saying that’s what happened here, but I am saying if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy person trying to kill you, the last thing on your mind is your job requirements or anything else other than trying to keep your balls and eyes intact.  Oh, you should never hit a woman.  Fuck that, if a woman is trying to injure you, you should by all means knock the fuck out of her.  This is an equal opportunity world.  Fuck around and find out applies to all sexes. 
 

Also, gouge.  Goddamnit.

Edited December 14, 2022 by Judge Roybeanbag

[Born to Run 6601]

User name checks out.

Born to date dysfunctional chick's would be more accurate.

[Rimbo 27035]

1 hour ago, BachelorTrek said:

This ass has turned to thread.  Lulz.

This turn has threaded ass.

[WinningIsHard 4171]

I’m just hoping that we’ve learned a valuable lesson here, which is sark should have already won the conference like Dykes did this year. I’d also like for us to hold CDC accountable for all the women beaters who have ever attended Texas, because that makes the most sense. Now close this thread and let’s talk about Beard in the football transfer portal thread. 

[williemackgarza 1827]

So horn4life liks it when the BBC comes to play… nttawwt

[Bevo 13900]

54 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

I hit my sister once when we were kids.  Open hand, less than full force   We were fighting about something and she spit in my mouth as a defense mechanism.  I reacted.  My dad returned the favor.  Haven’t done it since.

 

Not my fetish - plus, I don't have a sister.

[StrippersAndNobelPrizes 855]

27 minutes ago, Wally Pryor said:

Here. Still can't believe that ball cleared the cross bar.

We flew down from Dallas and caught a cab with Craig Way to that game. Still can’t believe it cleared the bar. It was glorious!

[Bevo 13900]

43 minutes ago, horn4life said:

Well... if she spit in your mouth. Gravity says she was on top and winning.  

Yep. He got his ass kicked twice. First by his sister and then by his dad. Sometimes, real life is a bitch.

[Bevo 13900]

17 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

This turn has threaded ass.

This thread has turned a few assholes.

[TornACL 7792]

16 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Fuck that, if a woman is trying to injure you, you should by all means knock the fuck out of her.  This is an equal opportunity world.  Fuck around and find out applies to all sexes. 
 

Also, gouge.  Goddamnit.

You can say it's an equal opportunity world, but I don't recommend trying to die on that hill in a courtroom.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11860]

7 minutes ago, TornACL said:

You can say it's an equal opportunity world, but I don't recommend trying to die on that hill in a courtroom.

I reckon not, but I’d rather die in a courtroom than in my own bedroom, with some crazy bitch trying to kill me.  It happens.  Again not saying it happened here but it does happen. 

[honolulu horn 6234]

3 hours ago, immamac said:

Exactly this and also why wasn't his 800/hr lawyer there immediately once the cops were called? Like what the actual fuck. 

Possibly because he was drunk and didn't think to call him? His decision-making wasn't exactly top shelf that night / morning. 

[conVINCEd 21477]

2 minutes ago, honolulu horn said:

Possibly because he was drunk and didn't think to call him? His decision-making wasn't exactly top shelf that night / morning. 

The one thing that has been in my wallet the longest is the business card of a friend who is a criminal defense attorney.  You never know.  Credit cards come and go, his business card remains.

[honolulu horn 6234]

4 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

The one thing that has been in my wallet the longest is the business card of a friend who is a criminal defense attorney.  You never know.  Credit cards come and go, his business card remains.

Oh, I work with many many attorneys, and I've got the top three in my phone's personal contacts list. I'm with you. I'm just saying if he was blotted that night (IF, I mean I don't know if that's been ascertained yet), then maybe calling his attorney didn't register like it should've. 

[C-Man 27783]

IDK told him to leave the fucking house? Given him advice that lawyers give to people in these situations so he didn't lose his fucking job? Tell the cops they can arrest the client but the client isn't saying shit and get started on the bail etc way the fuck ahead of time so it wasn't just some bullshit until noon thing? Sat on the fucking cops while they wrote out a statement because they needed it to defend their client? 
I mean you are the lawyer man, what would you do if your client called you and had this shit go down? Everything you could to set them up for basically the opposite of how this went down.

Are we certain that Minton was even Beard’s attorney before mid/late morning Monday? I mean it’s not like he’d have a criminal defense attorney working on his contract or anything else. I imagine he used his one call to call his regular (non-defense) attorney, who recommended Minton and got that set up because, you know, Beard was incarcerated.

[SL Xpress 7609]

7 hours ago, Keef said:

Question for the Surly law dawgs - if a state university terminates you for Cause (as defined in an employment agreement) and the employee disputes the finding of Cause and sues the university, is the university protected under sovereign immunity in Texas?  Because you could drive a truck through the cause definition that has been shared and I'm curious why Beard's lawyer allowed so broad a provision.  He had all the leverage in the world when negotiating.  

I’d tell you to ask Mike Leach about Texas Tech’s sovereign immunity and how well fighting that worked out for him, but he’s dead. 

[Prepuce of Doom 21288]

1 minute ago, C-Man said:

Are we certain that Minton was even Beard’s attorney before mid/late morning Monday? I mean it’s not like he’d have a criminal defense attorney working on his contract or anything else. I imagine he used his one call to call his regular (non-defense) attorney, who recommended Minton and got that set up because, you know, Beard was incarcerated.

There are a lot of posters who seem to think that "lawyer" is just one big monolithic job code with no particular specialization within. 

[conVINCEd 21477]

4 minutes ago, C-Man said:

Are we certain that Minton was even Beard’s attorney before mid/late morning Monday? I mean it’s not like he’d have a criminal defense attorney working on his contract or anything else. I imagine he used his one call to call his regular (non-defense) attorney, who recommended Minton and got that set up because, you know, Beard was incarcerated.

Minton was his attorney 15 seconds after he called his agent and told him he had been arrested for felony assault.

[SL Xpress 7609]

3 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

There are a lot of posters who seem to think that "lawyer" is just one big monolithic job code with no particular specialization within. 

Well, to be fair I've known plenty of lawyers who practically thought the same thing. Law is law, right? Even if they know nothing about it, they'll start in like they do, because that's basically what law school trains you to do, even if you spit out the caveat, "this isn't my specialty" every once in a while as a CYA. 

I'm not saying that's every attorney, but it's a bunch of them. And if you happen to get two attorneys in the same room, neither of whom have the specialty being discussed, well...you'll be there all day. 

[C-Man 27783]

Minton was his attorney 15 seconds after he called his agent and told him he had been arrested for felony assault.

Which was almost certainly made from jail, not in enough time for Minton to get to the scene before he was hauled off by Austin’s “finest.”

[UTHornFan014 755]

7 hours ago, perfectchaos007 said:

Whether it’s true or not, I get the impression Beard’s girlfriend has a similar personality to Hope Solo, with the main difference being we haven’t seen her b-hole….yet

I'm suddenly hungry for Arby's

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

16 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

There are a lot of posters who seem to think that "lawyer" is just one big monolithic job code with no particular specialization within.