Huge Piece of Shit and alleged Woman Abuser Chris Beard has been hired at Mississippi

[conVINCEd 21477]

2 minutes ago, C-Man said:

Which was almost certainly made from jail, not in enough time for Minton to get to the scene before he was hauled off by Austin’s “finest.”

[troph 25231]

2 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I respect all the people who say “never hit a woman”.  In general that’s what you strive to do.  But if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out, you are going to be surprised.   That shit happens and anybody who says “never hit a woman”, fuck that.  

Dude, I said I was sorry. What else do you want??!

Edited December 14, 2022 by troph

[troph 25231]

28 minutes ago, SL Xpress said:

Well, to be fair I've known plenty of lawyers who practically thought the same thing. Law is law, right? Even if they know nothing about it, they'll start in like they do, because that's basically what law school trains you to do, even if you spit out the caveat, "this isn't my specialty" every once in a while as a CYA. 

I'm not saying that's every attorney, but it's a bunch of them. And if you happen to get two attorneys in the same room, neither of whom have the specialty being discussed, well...you'll be there all day. 

You want to know which lawyer not to hire? The one who does everything.

[markstanco 12797]

This thread is moving so fast and I haven’t got to check in since AM.

Bailed out I presume? Any word from cdc?

[Wade 464]

3 hours ago, immamac said:

IDK told him to leave the fucking house? Given him advice that lawyers give to people in these situations so he didn't lose his fucking job? Tell the cops they can arrest the client but the client isn't saying shit and get started on the bail etc way the fuck ahead of time so it wasn't just some bullshit until noon thing? Sat on the fucking cops while they wrote out a statement because they needed it to defend their client? 

I mean you are the lawyer man, what would you do if your client called you and had this shit go down? Everything you could to set them up for basically the opposite of how this went down.

[immamac 44380]

46 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

There are a lot of posters who seem to think that "lawyer" is just one big monolithic job code with no particular specialization within. 

I think "Law Firms" are a monolithic and full service thing, especially with certain levels of clientele. They will refer out things outside of their specialization.

49 minutes ago, C-Man said:

Are we certain that Minton was even Beard’s attorney before mid/late morning Monday? I mean it’s not like he’d have a criminal defense attorney working on his contract or anything else. I imagine he used his one call to call his regular (non-defense) attorney, who recommended Minton and got that set up because, you know, Beard was incarcerated.

If I was making 5M a year I'd have a team of attorneys on retainer, because weird shit happens and I don't want to fucking be exposed. I don't make nearly that much and I'm covered by texaslegal and have met with all kinds of lawyers just to know who to call when.

[CTC2 2865]

1 hour ago, honolulu horn said:

Possibly because he was drunk and didn't think to call him? His decision-making wasn't exactly top shelf that night / morning. 

Not even a trace on the tests the cops gave him.

[pops 7142]

If it floats fucks or flies,  rent it.

[petscii 1197]

1 minute ago, pops said:

If it floats fucks or flies,  rent it.

If another dude can get inside it, rent it.

[Brian Fantana 6868]

Why has this become some weird incel thread lmao

Nvm I know why

[Prepuce of Doom 21288]

33 minutes ago, immamac said:

I think "Law Firms" are a monolithic and full service thing, especially with certain levels of clientele. They will refer out things outside of their specialization.

If I was making 5M a year I'd have a team of attorneys on retainer, because weird shit happens and I don't want to fucking be exposed. I don't make nearly that much and I'm covered by texaslegal and have met with all kinds of lawyers just to know who to call when.

 

[Hookah Horns 3089]

A lawyer at the scene wouldn't have changed shit. Except maybe Beard bluffing about the recording.

Also the wait to get bailed out was due to the fact that bail has to be set first. Your lawyer isn't getting you out of jail as soon as you get booked just because he's gotten a head start. 

[SL Xpress 7609]

2 hours ago, troph said:

You want to know which lawyer not to hire? The one who does everything.

 

It's more like you want to know which lawyer to dread working with on a deal.

[justhookit 4206]

4 hours ago, SL Xpress said:

Well, to be fair I've known plenty of lawyers who practically thought the same thing. Law is law, right? Even if they know nothing about it, they'll start in like they do, because that's basically what law school trains you to do, even if you spit out the caveat, "this isn't my specialty" every once in a while as a CYA. 

I'm not saying that's every attorney, but it's a bunch of them. And if you happen to get two attorneys in the same room, neither of whom have the specialty being discussed, well...you'll be there all day. 

You know a bunch of shitty attorneys.

[SL Xpress 7609]

4 minutes ago, justhookit said:

You know a bunch of shitty attorneys.

I just know a bunch of attorneys. There are a lot of them out there, in case you haven't noticed. 

[justhookit 4206]

4 hours ago, SL Xpress said:

Well, to be fair I've known plenty of lawyers who practically thought the same thing. Law is law, right? Even if they know nothing about it, they'll start in like they do, because that's basically what law school trains you to do, even if you spit out the caveat, "this isn't my specialty" every once in a while as a CYA. 

I'm not saying that's every attorney, but it's a bunch of them. And if you happen to get two attorneys in the same room, neither of whom have the specialty being discussed, well...you'll be there all day. 

Also, I’ve never known a lawyer that will give legal advice outside of his/her office.

You appear to be referencing message board posts.

[justhookit 4206]

6 minutes ago, SL Xpress said:

I just know a bunch of attorneys. There are a lot of them out there, in case you haven't noticed. 

Man I am as hurt and maybe more hurt over this situation as you are. We had everything going right and for the first time in years I enjoyed watching the games. 

yesterday was a gut punch followed by a swift kick in the balls. 52 years of life and there has never been anything even remotely comparable to what just happened.

[South Austin 53228]

Should we arrange for a wellness check on Derka?

[Underdog 29196]

Curled up in fetal position crying with crumpled up Kenpom reports next to him. 

[Anastasis 23723]

7 hours ago, williemackgarza said:

So horn4life liks it when the BBC comes to play… nttawwt

Autocorrect don’t lie. 

[ClubWhatever 12314]

Has he been reinstated yet?

[Guest]

3 hours ago, justhookit said:

You know a bunch of shitty attorneys.

If you know more than one attorney...

[Fletch 5817]

2 hours ago, South Austin said:

Should we arrange for a wellness check on Derka?

This might be worse than 9/11 for him 

[po elvis 2141]

9 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I respect all the people who say “never hit a woman”.  In general that’s what you strive to do.  But if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy, rather athletic woman attacking the fuck out of you, like trying to gouge your eyes out, you are going to be surprised.   That shit happens and anybody who says “never hit a woman”, fuck that.  

Everything in the police report is actions of a man trying to do anything BUT hit the woman. I don't think she mentions at all about him hitting her. He throws her, pushes her, bites her, "chokes" her. All the things that one could associate to a man trying to get a woman off you while trying very hard not to hit her. I just find it interesting no mention in the police report of him actually hitting her, except maybe him hitting her glasses off of her.

[statsman 5693]

55 minutes ago, ClubWhatever said:

Has he been reinstated yet?

Texas is in the middle of the season. My conjecture is that there are two tracks-

1. UT deciding on who will be the basketball coach next year. This decision has to be made before spring, when there is a “search and hiring season”. For recruiting and program management, the tempo of this process can’t be ignored. 
2. Beard’s criminal disposition. This also has its own tempo, and it is less defined than UT’s. It might be very short or very long, depending upon Beard’s, the accuser’s and the DA’s actions. 
Beard is the only one who can synch these two tracks (and he still needs cooperation from the accuser and the DA). A lot of things have to go Beard’s way, heavily, and fast, for him to return to UT as coach. A complete exoneration in April, for instance, probably leaves him unemployed(but top contender for next year’s best jobs). 

Honestly- for him, letting the court process play out, losing his job, starting over at a D-2 school and working his way back to the bigs is a real option. He did it once and I’m sure he can do it again, and I bet it takes less time than you’d think. 

Edited December 14, 2022 by statsman

[Pato del Muerto 53524]

2 hours ago, Underdog said:

Curled up in fetal position crying with crumpled up Kenpom reports next to him. 

[Getoffmylawn 0]

15 minutes ago, po elvis said:

Everything in the police report is actions of a man trying to do anything BUT hit the woman. I don't think she mentions at all about him hitting her. He throws her, pushes her, bites her, "chokes" her. All the things that one could associate to a man trying to get a woman off you while trying very hard not to hit her. I just find it interesting no mention in the police report of him actually hitting her, except maybe him hitting her glasses off of her.

She also never states that he actually bit her when she is explaining what happened but it shows up on the injury report as a bite mark to her arm

Edited December 14, 2022 by Getoffmylawn

[statsman 5693]

Pro tip- save your employer’s “Employee Assistance Program” (counseling for mental health, substance abuse, whatever) number as a contact. When your girlfriend/fiancée/spouse comes to you after an argument and proudly declares that she has called the police, immediately call the EAP and self report for anger issues. (This is also what you do when your employer tells you they will be giving you a drug test that you know you will fail). 
 
I don’t know if this works for guys like Beard, working on an individual contract, but it will work for most of the rest of us. 

[Sbbruin 22144]

7 hours ago, immamac said:

 I don't make nearly that much and I'm covered by texaslegal and have met with all kinds of lawyers just to know who to call when.

Sounds like imma maybe is a bit of a loose cannon and a liability.

[Pescado_Rojo 19588]

8 hours ago, troph said:

Dude, I said I was sorry. What else do you want??!

Maybe next time you could remember the safe word!!!

[Beantown Express 2.0 6597]

53 minutes ago, po elvis said:

Everything in the police report is actions of a man trying to do anything BUT hit the woman. I don't think she mentions at all about him hitting her. He throws her, pushes her, bites her, "chokes" her. All the things that one could associate to a man trying to get a woman off you while trying very hard not to hit her. I just find it interesting no mention in the police report of him actually hitting her, except maybe him hitting her glasses off of her.

He is most likely gone and the whole situation sucks for everyone (him, his girlfriend, the players, fans, everyone) but I gotta say when I first heard he choked her I totally pictured him on top of her with both hands around her neck while she yelled,” it was the Dukes, it was the Dukes”.  When you read the report it is him kind of behind her with a headlock on her for I believe 5 seconds and that is considered the choking.  That seems like the same hold a cop would use to try and restrain someone while resisting arrest. At least he didn’t kneel on her neck, right?  I have never hit my wife and like I assume all on here nobody should resort to physical violence against anyone but unless Chris or his fiancée are one of you posters none of us know what really happened in the house that night.  We can speculate, guess and assume but nobody really knows.

[Pancho 46331]

50 minutes ago, statsman said:

1. UT deciding on who will be the basketball coach next year. This decision has to be made before spring, when there is a “search and hiring season”. For recruiting and program management, the tempo of this process can’t be ignored. 

This doesn’t make any sense and is not how it works.

[Pato del Muerto 53524]

19 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

Maybe next time you could remember the safe word!!!

ARMAGEDDON!!!  ARMAGEDDON!!!

[Valmy77 13626]

23 minutes ago, Beantown Express 2.0 said:

He is most likely gone and the whole situation sucks for everyone (him, his girlfriend, the players, fans, everyone) but I gotta say when I first heard he choked her I totally pictured him on top of her with both hands around her neck while she yelled,” it was the Dukes, it was the Dukes”.  When you read the report it is him kind of behind her with a headlock on her for I believe 5 seconds and that is considered the choking.  That seems like the same hold a cop would use to try and restrain someone while resisting arrest. At least he didn’t kneel on her neck, right?  I have never hit my wife and like I assume all on here nobody should resort to physical violence against anyone but unless Chris or his fiancée are one of you posters none of us know what really happened in the house that night.  We can speculate, guess and assume but nobody really knows.

Right. The only thing we know for sure is that he was arrested and charged with felony assault.

So why throw in there that cops use headlocks when restraining people? Do you even know that for sure? 

[Js1 87189]

36 minutes ago, statsman said:

Pro tip- save your employer’s “Employee Assistance Program” (counseling for mental health, substance abuse, whatever) number as a contact. When your girlfriend/fiancée/spouse comes to you after an argument and proudly declares that she has called the police, immediately call the EAP and self report for anger issues. (This is also what you do when your employer tells you they will be giving you a drug test that you know you will fail). 
 
I don’t know if this works for guys like Beard, working on an individual contract, but it will work for most of the rest of us. 

[Nicole44 22315]

Surly Check List for first date (Dos and Donts):

Do not hit, choke, slap, scratch or bite her. Unless…

Do show her where she falls on the crazy/hot matrix. Hell she’ll be impressed you have chicks to compare her to.

Do talk about how Chris Beard was framed and when it is appropriate to hit, choke, slap, scratch or bite a woman.

Do show her you care about her opinions by giving her a thumbs up or down while she is talking. If her opinion doesn’t jive with hers make sure you let her know immediately citing sources like surly to boost your opinion.

If she’s still talking to you after the first five minutes she’s a keeper…

 

I mean I think I’ve got why dating can be so difficult…amirite? 

[Valmy77 13626]

I don't get why my anger issues would get me out of a failed drug test.

[Lurch 5950]

Pro tip- save your employer’s “Employee Assistance Program” (counseling for mental health, substance abuse, whatever) number as a contact. When your girlfriend/fiancée/spouse comes to you after an argument and proudly declares that she has called the police, immediately call the EAP and self report for anger issues. (This is also what you do when your employer tells you they will be giving you a drug test that you know you will fail). 
 
I don’t know if this works for guys like Beard, working on an individual contract, but it will work for most of the rest of us. 

Reminds me of the advice to start drinking while waiting for the cops if you’re ever involved in an accident after a night out

[statsman 5693]

5 minutes ago, Valmy77 said:

I don't get why my anger issues would get me out of a failed drug test.

In that case, you self report for drug dependency, not anger. (The idea is that you can’t be fired for issues you are undergoing treatment for). This doesn’t get you home scot free, but it buys time (your employer will probably put you in a probationary/monitoring program, with failure to adhere leading directly to termination of employment.) It’s kind of a Costanza move. 

Edited December 14, 2022 by statsman

[SL Xpress 7609]

5 hours ago, justhookit said:

Also, I’ve never known a lawyer that will give legal advice outside of his/her office.

You appear to be referencing message board posts.

Who's talking about legal advice? I'm talking about pontificating. Not really about message board posts. Real life, face to face pontificating, with no risk of malpractice. Like I said previously, way better if you can get two attorneys in the same room who both want to spitball. 

[Royale with cheese 1492]

10 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

This is coming from a person who has never had someone trying to legitimately trying to kill him. Again I’m not saying that’s what happened here, but I am saying if you’ve ever had a batshit crazy person trying to kill you, the last thing on your mind is your job requirements or anything else other than trying to keep your balls and eyes intact.  Oh, you should never hit a woman.  Fuck that, if a woman is trying to injure you, you should by all means knock the fuck out of her.  This is an equal opportunity world.  Fuck around and find out applies to all sexes. 
 

Also, gouge.  Goddamnit.

Oh, gouge your eyes. There for a minute I thought she was trying to measure them . . .

PS: And, yeah, by all means, knock the fuck outta' whoever's coming at you--him, her, or it.

[SL Xpress 7609]

5 minutes ago, Royale with cheese said:

Oh, gouge your eyes. There for a minute I thought she was trying to measure them . . .

PS: And, yeah, by all means, knock the fuck outta' whoever's coming at you--him, her, or it.

[Chorus: Black Francis, Kim Deal]
Gouge away
You can gouge away
Stay all day
If you want to
Mhm, mhm, mhm, hm
Hm-hm, mhm, hm

[Verse 1: Black Francis]
Missy aggravation
Some sacred questions
You stroke my locks
Some marijuana if you got some

[Verse 2: Black Francis]
Sleeping on your belly
You break my arms
You spoon my eyes
Been rubbing a bad charm with holy fingers

[Verse 3: Black Francis]
Chained to the pillars
A 3-day party
I break the walls
And kill us all with holy fingers

[Chorus: Black Francis, Kim Deal]
Gouge away
You can gouge away
Stay all day
If you want to
Mhm, mhm, mhm, hm
Hm-hm, mhm, hm

 

 

Edited December 14, 2022 by SL Xpress

[HornsOverIthaca 2339]

6 minutes ago, longhornmatt said:

Look, I don’t know how many times we have to keep telling you, but no matter how often you keep lawyer shopping there is never going to be a consensus telling you it’s ok to throw Shaka Smart off the top of the Tower.  

There has to be a group willing to be disbarred for it.

[Horn Dog 10158]

Since absolutely nothing is happening, while we wait for Beard to be fired,  can we go over when it's OK to kick the cat (always) or dog (never)? 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11860]

31 minutes ago, Royale with cheese said:

Oh, gouge your eyes. There for a minute I thought she was trying to measure them . . .

PS: And, yeah, by all means, knock the fuck outta' whoever's coming at you--him, her, or it.

We should start a thread for those of us who have been bested or beat up by women and/or girls and keep it off this one, sorry for derailing.  Maybe on this one :    22% of men (incl. Kevin) don't realize that a chimp would fucking wreck them

Edited December 14, 2022 by Judge Roybeanbag

[TwiceHorn 32083]

9 hours ago, Wade said:

There's no play here.  There's no angle.  There's no champagne room.  I'm not a miracle worker, I'm a janitor.

Given that he didn't have a lawyer at arraignment, I think it's fairly clear he didn't have one to call and didn't call one probably until he was jailed.

Edited December 14, 2022 by TwiceHorn

[Frank Drebin 5839]

34 minutes ago, statsman said:

In that case, you self report for drug dependency, not anger. (The idea is that you can’t be fired for issues you are undergoing treatment for). This doesn’t get you home scot free, but it buys time (your employer will probably put you in a probationary/monitoring program, with failure to adhere leading directly to termination of employment.) It’s kind of a Costanza move. 

[Nicole44 22315]

6 minutes ago, Horn Dog said:

Since absolutely nothing is happening, while we wait for Beard to be fired,  can we go over when it's OK to kick the cat (always) or dog (never)? 

 

[South Austin 53228]

14 minutes ago, Horn Dog said:

Since absolutely nothing is happening, while we wait for Beard to be fired,  can we go over when it's OK to kick the cat (always) or dog (never)? 

[ztejas 44233]

11 minutes ago, Horn Dog said:

Since absolutely nothing is happening, while we wait for Beard to be fired,  can we go over when it's OK to kick the cat (always) or dog (never)? 

Never? Have someone trash your chopper after they throw a burrito out the window and then see how you feel.