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Do you have friends who still heavily rely on their parents' money?

Gooby

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Gooby

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We have neighbors across the street that we absolutely love, but we've noticed an alarming trend of late.  

A little backstory:  Our neighbor's dad is a defense attorney who obviously makes a fuckton.  They have a huge house in Hedwig Village, according to social media posts, as well as several club memberships, his and hers Mercedes and all the other trappings of an extremely successful life and career.  Their daughter is 35 years old and lives with her husband and three kids (Ages 2, 4 and 10) across the street from us.  Neighbor husband is higher-up in a home healthcare company, while neighbor wife works from home with her Rodan and Fields business and camps out on Instagram all day, so there is income coming in to that house, but obviously not enough to suit her lifestyle.

Recently, she revealed to my wife and I that both she and her husband are on her parents' cell phone plan and they don't pay a dime for phones.  Even the 10 year old has the latest IPhone, because why not?  The invited us over a couple weeks back and she let it slip that her parents pay for all of the streaming services that they have, and with kids, they have several.  Her mom and dad also pay for their membership to the local country club, where they frequently go for lunch and to swim during the summer so they don't have to fraternize with the hoi polloi at the public pools.  As we speak, they are currently in New York celebrating the 10 year old's birthday, while the younger two stayed home with the other grandparents.  Our neighbors are staying at the Hilton in Times Square, went to the Statue of Liberty, skating at Rockefeller Plaza and have seen both 'Wicked' and 'Aladdin' on Broadway.  Her mom and dad are on the trip, and obviously paying for everything.  How do I know this?  Because she mentioned it on her fucking IG story. Honestly, I don't really know if the neighbors are making a house payment, or if mom and dad are paying for that too.  

The day I walked across the stage to graduate college was the day my parents told me that they were done paying for my ass.  There have been times when I've needed a loan, but it was just that...a loan that I paid back in full.  I find that I have this growing resentment toward my neighbors because of the handouts they're getting from her folks.  My wife and I both bust our asses to have what we have, but I think what makes me the maddest is that our neighbors couldn't believe that we pay for all our shit ourselves.  They literally sat across from us at their dinner table slackjawed when I told them what we were paying in cell phone expenses each month.  She said "You're not on your parents' plan?" No, goddammit.  I'm a grown up.

Anyone else experiencing this phenomenon?  We really enjoy having them as neighbors, and I know that a lot of this is jealousy, but the shine has kind of rubbed off of our relationship.

 

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Gooby

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2 minutes ago, TexasHooch said:

No idea.  The fuck do I care?

I wouldn't know or care if she hadn't have spouted off at the dinner table like it's something that most 35 year olds do.  Now I know, and apparently care more than I should.

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Elvis

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In general: no.  Everyone sacks-up and deals with life as an adult.  I graduated and married at 23.  Paid off $50k in student loans and bought a house at 25.  

 

Although I know of one couple that accepts very large cash gifts from their parents regularly....like $30k.  They might lean on the parents for more.  

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Dahobbs

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40 minutes ago, Gooby said:

We have neighbors across the street that we absolutely love, but we've noticed an alarming trend of late.  

A little backstory:  Our neighbor's dad is a defense attorney who obviously makes a fuckton.  They have a huge house in Hedwig Village, according to social media posts, as well as several club memberships, his and hers Mercedes and all the other trappings of an extremely successful life and career.  Their daughter is 35 years old and lives with her husband and three kids (Ages 2, 4 and 10) across the street from us.  Neighbor husband is higher-up in a home healthcare company, while neighbor wife works from home with her Rodan and Fields business and camps out on Instagram all day, so there is income coming in to that house, but obviously not enough to suit her lifestyle.

Recently, she revealed to my wife and I that both she and her husband are on her parents' cell phone plan and they don't pay a dime for phones.  Even the 10 year old has the latest IPhone, because why not?  The invited us over a couple weeks back and she let it slip that her parents pay for all of the streaming services that they have, and with kids, they have several.  Her mom and dad also pay for their membership to the local country club, where they frequently go for lunch and to swim during the summer so they don't have to fraternize with the hoi polloi at the public pools.  As we speak, they are currently in New York celebrating the 10 year old's birthday, while the younger two stayed home with the other grandparents.  Our neighbors are staying at the Hilton in Times Square, went to the Statue of Liberty, skating at Rockefeller Plaza and have seen both 'Wicked' and 'Aladdin' on Broadway.  Her mom and dad are on the trip, and obviously paying for everything.  How do I know this?  Because she mentioned it on her fucking IG story. Honestly, I don't really know if the neighbors are making a house payment, or if mom and dad are paying for that too.  

The day I walked across the stage to graduate college was the day my parents told me that they were done paying for my ass.  There have been times when I've needed a loan, but it was just that...a loan that I paid back in full.  I find that I have this growing resentment toward my neighbors because of the handouts they're getting from her folks.  My wife and I both bust our asses to have what we have, but I think what makes me the maddest is that our neighbors couldn't believe that we pay for all our shit ourselves.  They literally sat across from us at their dinner table slackjawed when I told them what we were paying in cell phone expenses each month.  She said "You're not on your parents' plan?" No, goddammit.  I'm a grown up.

Anyone else experiencing this phenomenon?  We really enjoy having them as neighbors, and I know that a lot of this is jealousy, but the shine has kind of rubbed off of our relationship.

 

Being on a parent's cell phone plan makes sense. Each additional line is peanuts compared to the first two lines. My family was on my parent's cellphone plan until the last 4 years or so. Granted, we did pay for our portion. But it was cheaper than having a separate service. Also, streaming services tend to go the other way, with us paying for the service that several other family members use. 

Anyway, awesome for your neighbor. You shouldn't give a fuck.

P.S. Maybe if you're nice you'll get invited on some of these all expense paid trips. 

Edited by Dahobbs
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Dude, we live in Austin. You don't think there are a bunch of trust funders here? I don't think I hang around them regularly as no one gives off that vibe... but I also don't lead with "So, how do you get your money?"

I will say without revealing too much that I have a way of hearing some stories among the well-to-do in Austin. They live on a completely different planet than the rest of us. 

 

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1 minute ago, Al_4_ISU said:

This doesn't seem like a good reason to stop being friends with someone you otherwise liked.

I actually get it. It means that you can't relate in a lot of ways anymore that you thought you could. It's kind of like being friends with someone and then seeing their social media profile. 

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ABSR

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39 minutes ago, Gooby said:

We have neighbors across the street that we absolutely love, but we've noticed an alarming trend of late.  

A little backstory:  Our neighbor's dad is a defense attorney who obviously makes a fuckton.  They have a huge house in Hedwig Village, according to social media posts, as well as several club memberships, his and hers Mercedes and all the other trappings of an extremely successful life and career.  Their daughter is 35 years old and lives with her husband and three kids (Ages 2, 4 and 10) across the street from us.  Neighbor husband is higher-up in a home healthcare company, while neighbor wife works from home with her Rodan and Fields business and camps out on Instagram all day, so there is income coming in to that house, but obviously not enough to suit her lifestyle.

Recently, she revealed to my wife and I that both she and her husband are on her parents' cell phone plan and they don't pay a dime for phones.  Even the 10 year old has the latest IPhone, because why not?  The invited us over a couple weeks back and she let it slip that her parents pay for all of the streaming services that they have, and with kids, they have several.  Her mom and dad also pay for their membership to the local country club, where they frequently go for lunch and to swim during the summer so they don't have to fraternize with the hoi polloi at the public pools.  As we speak, they are currently in New York celebrating the 10 year old's birthday, while the younger two stayed home with the other grandparents.  Our neighbors are staying at the Hilton in Times Square, went to the Statue of Liberty, skating at Rockefeller Plaza and have seen both 'Wicked' and 'Aladdin' on Broadway.  Her mom and dad are on the trip, and obviously paying for everything.  How do I know this?  Because she mentioned it on her fucking IG story. Honestly, I don't really know if the neighbors are making a house payment, or if mom and dad are paying for that too.  

The day I walked across the stage to graduate college was the day my parents told me that they were done paying for my ass.  There have been times when I've needed a loan, but it was just that...a loan that I paid back in full.  I find that I have this growing resentment toward my neighbors because of the handouts they're getting from her folks.  My wife and I both bust our asses to have what we have, but I think what makes me the maddest is that our neighbors couldn't believe that we pay for all our shit ourselves.  They literally sat across from us at their dinner table slackjawed when I told them what we were paying in cell phone expenses each month.  She said "You're not on your parents' plan?" No, goddammit.  I'm a grown up.

Anyone else experiencing this phenomenon?  We really enjoy having them as neighbors, and I know that a lot of this is jealousy, but the shine has kind of rubbed off of our relationship.

 

This sounds like a you problem.  Someone has it better than me so I hate them.    Heck, I'd ask if her dad was willing to adopt me. 

If they are shitty people then I get not liking them...but they should be shitty for real reasons.   If you won the Megamillions should they start to hate you for reasons beyond the obvious...you are a Surly member?

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Al_4_ISU

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2 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

I actually get it. It means that you can't relate in a lot of ways anymore that you thought you could. It's kind of like being friends with someone and then seeing their social media profile. 

If they've acted the same way the entire time you knew them, I just don't see why it should matter.

Now if someone who was on their own just started getting sugar daddy'd by their parents and started acting like their new lifestyle was something they created, that would get obnoxious and I wouldn't want to hang around someone like that, but if you've always gotten along with them, and they haven't changed, I don't see why it matters.  Just me.

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Gooby

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1 minute ago, Al_4_ISU said:

If they've acted the same way the entire time you knew them, I just don't see why it should matter.

Now if someone who was on their own just started getting sugar daddy'd by their parents and started acting like their new lifestyle was something they created, that would get obnoxious and I wouldn't want to hang around someone like that, but if you've always gotten along with them, and they haven't changed, I don't see why it matters.  Just me.

That's the thing.  She was completely aghast at what we pay per month for our cell plan.  "You mean your parents don't pay for yours?".  No, my parents quit paying for me about 18 years ago.  

Yes, it is jealousy, but mainly because once she found out, she looked at us like we were second class citizens.

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Samson's Wig

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I think this is somewhat more common with millennials than it used to be, given how infantilized they were as a generation, but there have always been people who never grow up and continue to spend their parents (or grandparents) money. The difference now is that it is happening more often with middle class and upper-middle class folks and not just the wealthy like it used to. A couple of defense attorneys can do really well, but that's not fuck you money, and you should see what most attorney's credit looks like - it's good for a laugh (and a cry).  A 35 year old is right in the age wheelhouse for having been raised by well off parents and never taught how to adult.  

Envy, which is all that is really going on here, is not a trait unique to millennials, however.  Who gives a shit how your neighbors got their money?  That's right up there with judging a person based on the type of work they do.  It doesn't fucking matter.

Edited by Samson's Wig
Correcting typos. Probably missed a few.
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4 minutes ago, Gooby said:

That's the thing.  She was completely aghast at what we pay per month for our cell plan.  "You mean your parents don't pay for yours?".  No, my parents quit paying for me about 18 years ago.  

Yes, it is jealousy, but mainly because once she found out, she looked at us like we were second class citizens.

Well what the hell are you paying? 

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Royalfan5

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11 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

If they've acted the same way the entire time you knew them, I just don't see why it should matter.

Now if someone who was on their own just started getting sugar daddy'd by their parents and started acting like their new lifestyle was something they created, that would get obnoxious and I wouldn't want to hang around someone like that, but if you've always gotten along with them, and they haven't changed, I don't see why it matters.  Just me.

I was also going to say since you farm, you are probably pretty familiar with talk that so and so is paying such and suches way in life. (Whether it’s true or not)

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Gooby

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1 minute ago, Samson's Wig said:

How do you afford it‽‽‽?‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽

expensive GIF

To someone who ain't paying shit, I could see how that's a good chunk of change.  Personally, I'd rather keep my $189 a month like she does, but I don't have that option.

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Dahobbs

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11 minutes ago, Gooby said:

That's the thing.  She was completely aghast at what we pay per month for our cell plan.  "You mean your parents don't pay for yours?".  No, my parents quit paying for me about 18 years ago.  

Yes, it is jealousy, but mainly because once she found out, she looked at us like we were second class citizens.

Your thought process here isn't consistent. If she is aghast at paying that much money, then she isn't judging you for not having enough money and being a "second class citizen." Sounds more like she is shocked how much cell phone companies rip people off. And, if you were on someone else's plan you could probably just about cut that bill in half. This all still sounds like more of a you problem. 

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52-80

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7 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

I will say without revealing too much that I have a way of hearing some stories among the well-to-do in Austin. They live on a completely different planet than the rest of us. 

I have separately a college dormmate, and post-college housemate, who are both are inheritors to multi-generation industrial wealth. 

And I had *no* idea of that fact until way late into our friendship because 1 lived like a pauper and the other one as vanilla as the rest of us.

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CooterBrown

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My wife’s grandma sends her cousin $1K/mo to help her makes ends meet. She’s 36 and makes $150K/year.

Pretty sure my neighbors save zero for retirement and they’re banking on his dad leaving them around $5M. He’s commented recently that since his dad is a bit aloof, he could see him just leaving it all to a dog shelter.

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Francisco 2.0

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I don't, but my wife has a co-worker who makes $100K+ a year, in his early 40's, and his wife makes roughly that and they make a trip every Christmas to some town in Georgia where his mom writes him a check for $25K, because, in his words to my wife, if mom didn't do that, they don't know how they would live.

And we live in a relatively low cost of living area.  A couple making $200K here is pretty comfortable.  

 

 

 

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Nice Guy Eddie

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I would give an adult a pass for having their parents pay for their phone but not much past college. Maybe a few months into your first real job.  Yes I can understand that the whole family saves being on a group plan but you still should give your parents a few hundred each year to cover your share. If they refuse to take it, send it to their favorite charity.

When I've run into adults that get monthly allowances from their parents, they always end up making the same justification that they (adult child) will receive the money at some point anyway so why wait.

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BehoId, The Underminer!

BehoId, The Underminer! 11669

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i'm an island.  my folks don't give me anything.  i'm sort of the model of a man's man.  the only thing they give me is they pay for my car.  other than that, i'm like a human citadel, towering over the lands below.  just that and a little something for my student loans.  i have a full beard and care for my family, like a shepherd over his flock, never letting them stray.  if you don't count the job they set me up with.  i'm nothing but bootstraps that i pull up myself.  i keep the wolves at bay.  the hair on my chest is so thick it looks like 70s carpet. if you're picky you could ding me for the 529s they funded. my eyes naturally squint in the lowering sun as i gaze into the distance.  i break raw ground with my bear hands for the season's crops.  just me, and the sweat of my brow.  except for a little something for the second car too.  

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RDCanecutter

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1 hour ago, Gooby said:

We have neighbors across the street that we absolutely love, but we've noticed an alarming trend of late.  

A little backstory:  Our neighbor's dad is a defense attorney who obviously makes a fuckton.  They have a huge house in Hedwig Village, according to social media posts, as well as several club memberships, his and hers Mercedes and all the other trappings of an extremely successful life and career.  Their daughter is 35 years old and lives with her husband and three kids (Ages 2, 4 and 10) across the street from us.  Neighbor husband is higher-up in a home healthcare company, while neighbor wife works from home with her Rodan and Fields business and camps out on Instagram all day, so there is income coming in to that house, but obviously not enough to suit her lifestyle.

Recently, she revealed to my wife and I that both she and her husband are on her parents' cell phone plan and they don't pay a dime for phones.  Even the 10 year old has the latest IPhone, because why not?  The invited us over a couple weeks back and she let it slip that her parents pay for all of the streaming services that they have, and with kids, they have several.  Her mom and dad also pay for their membership to the local country club, where they frequently go for lunch and to swim during the summer so they don't have to fraternize with the hoi polloi at the public pools.  As we speak, they are currently in New York celebrating the 10 year old's birthday, while the younger two stayed home with the other grandparents.  Our neighbors are staying at the Hilton in Times Square, went to the Statue of Liberty, skating at Rockefeller Plaza and have seen both 'Wicked' and 'Aladdin' on Broadway.  Her mom and dad are on the trip, and obviously paying for everything.  How do I know this?  Because she mentioned it on her fucking IG story. Honestly, I don't really know if the neighbors are making a house payment, or if mom and dad are paying for that too.  

The day I walked across the stage to graduate college was the day my parents told me that they were done paying for my ass.  There have been times when I've needed a loan, but it was just that...a loan that I paid back in full.  I find that I have this growing resentment toward my neighbors because of the handouts they're getting from her folks.  My wife and I both bust our asses to have what we have, but I think what makes me the maddest is that our neighbors couldn't believe that we pay for all our shit ourselves.  They literally sat across from us at their dinner table slackjawed when I told them what we were paying in cell phone expenses each month.  She said "You're not on your parents' plan?" No, goddammit.  I'm a grown up.

Anyone else experiencing this phenomenon?  We really enjoy having them as neighbors, and I know that a lot of this is jealousy, but the shine has kind of rubbed off of our relationship.

 

c1087768-4863-43cf-a0f3-df412b6b5992_tex

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CooterBrown

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[Gooby] You aren't pissed that grandma doesn't love your wife? [Gooby]

That grandma is a grade A bitch. She’s 94 and I’m hoping she’ll actually leave my MIL some money and then the MIL kicks it shortly thereafter since Mrs Brown is an only child and will get everything. The grandma inherited $8M from her sister but has 9 of 10 kids living to split it between. She likes like 2-3 kids though. I have no idea how much money is actually left. It’s all been in a regular savings account for 20 years with a couple of family slowly bleeding cash here and there.
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Beau Vine

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9 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

I’m envious of those that get substantial money from their parents. It’s been the opposite for me. About a decade ago I had to buy a car for my parents.

username checks out.

 

 

My daughter had a friend growing up, and that family had a huge house and always had brand-new cars.  The wife doesn't work and the dad was a teacher/coach at a junior high.  One day I asked my wife about it, and apparently the father of the wife in that family was really rich so he bought them all of that shit.  

I honestly wasn't jealous, but I seriously couldn't understand how that dude could just accept so much money from his father-in-law like that.  Fuck, have some pride!

(I actually didn't like them before I found out (because they're bigtime loudmouth evangelicals), so I'm not in Gooby's lane here.)

Edited by Beau Vine
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I definitely think less of a grown ass adult who skims/ "borrows"/ guilts/ mooches money from other family.   I'm not envious, nor do I want what they have.  I do question their ability/ desire to be self-sufficient, as it relates to character. In the grand scheme of things, as others have said in the thread, not my fucking problem, so why waste time worrying about it.

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atomheartbevo

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20 minutes ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

I don't, but my wife has a co-worker who makes $100K+ a year, in his early 40's, and his wife makes roughly that and they make a trip every Christmas to some town in Georgia where his mom writes him a check for $25K, because, in his words to my wife, if mom didn't do that, they don't know how they would live.

I have an in-law who, combined with his wife, make around $150,000 a year.  They bought a $350,000 McMansion in the Houston suburbs.  They are in their early 30s with little kids.

They live paycheck-to-paycheck, they have no savings, they had to get his parents to co-sign for their house and make the downpayment, and they have to rely on his parents to deal with "emergencies" like car repairs, tires for their cars, household repairs, etc.  "Emergencies" that are a thousand bucks or even less put them in a bind unless his parents bail them out (their credit appears to be shit from what the wife has said).

It's so fucking pathetic, especially as they can find the money for occasional Texans' home games, and he posts on social media the fancy meals they eat, etc.

He presents himself as a manly man, but I've told him that if he can't cover a simple set of tires, he needs to knock the macho bullshit off, because if either of them lose their job, they are fucked, and more importantly they've fucked over their kids, because nobody in the family can help them if things go south for them.

And I mean it's really fucking pathetic -  they are living in the moment and refuse to think 6 months or a year down the road, let alone a decade - there's no money for their kids to go to college and her parents have no money, and they and his sister are blowing through his parents' money.

I have a helluva lot more respect for his younger brother who they consider a "slacker" because he lives in an RV and travels around the country surfing or skiing, while doing odd jobs and freelance work along the way.  The "slacker" paid off his $80,000 Sprinter Mercedes van, and has something like $75,000 in his savings, which is $75,000 more than they have.

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Fudge Nuggets

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19 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

When I've run into adults that get monthly allowances from their parents, they always end up making the same justification that they (adult child) will receive the money at some point anyway so why wait.

My ex-wife was always wanting me to hit up my parents for money because as an only child "It's all going to you at some point any way."  I couldn't stand that bullshit; just because we had to do without a few stupid needless things isn't going to get me begging my parents for money.

Another reason among a long list that she's the ex-wife.

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atomheartbevo

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2 minutes ago, slorch said:

I definitely think less of a grown ass adult who skims/ "borrows"/ guilts/ mooches money from other family.   I'm not envious, nor do I want what they have.  I do question their ability/ desire to be self-sufficient, as it relates to character. In the grand scheme of things, as others have said in the thread, not my fucking problem, so why waste time worrying about it.

People like that (including the in-law I mentioned above), I just assume that if things go down, you cannot rely on them one bit.  

I get that some/many people can indulge or completely take care of their kids into their kids' middle-age, but they've hurt those kids, because if things suddenly went south for them financial-wise, those kids are fucked.  And they've also screwed up their grandkids, because if their kids aren't learning to be self-sufficient, you damn sure know the grandkids aren't.

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