Do you have friends who still heavily rely on their parents' money?

[hayden_horn 11362]

i have friends who get help from their folks, i'm sure. i don't really know. i don't really care. 

the fuck should i care?

i've gotten help from my folks when i needed it. that's called "having a support network." i see what you are saying about perhaps "propping up an unearned or unfair" lifestyle, but i don't really give a fuck about that.

i mean, not everybody is the perfect person in the world. everyone does, kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me. i just feel people need to give em a chance.

 

[atomheartbevo 89659]

59 minutes ago, Gooby said:

Yes, it is jealousy, but mainly because once she found out, she looked at us like we were second class citizens.

The other in-law I have that's mooching off the parents (sister to the one I mentioned above), she's the Qanon relative I've mentioned before, and has mental health issues (which goes with the Qanon followers).  Yes, she's mentally ill, but she also refuses to get treatment, and has no problems getting by day-to-day and doing stuff when she is required to.  She's capable of working, but her dad and step-mom don't require it and pay all of her bills, because "she can't function well" (which is bullshit).  

She spends her time on the internet following shady news sources and trying to "educate" the rest of us,  and either lives out of her car or in a tent in her parents backyard with her boyfriend.  She knows the money train is over when her parents pass away, and that none of the relatives will help, but she, like her brother, doesn't concern herself with the future.

Even when living out of her car, she doesn't consider herself "homeless".  

She'll be living under an underpass or  bridge within the next 10 years.  I have no sympathy.

[Zepol87 9185]

No one in my family has really ever been in a position to help much so I don't know what's that like but yes I have friends that their parents pay their mortgages and all sorts of other shit. It's weird as hell to me seeing people in their 30s who have mommy and daddy pay for stuff but I guess it would be nice

[atomheartbevo 89659]

10 minutes ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

My ex-wife was always wanting me to hit up my parents for money because as an only child "It's all going to you at some point any way."  I couldn't stand that bullshit; just because we had to do without a few stupid needless things isn't going to get me begging my parents for money.

The thing is, in that situation, I'd mention to my parents that they could contribute to their grandkids' college fund if they wanted to (there's various trust funds/tax-writeoff stuff for education depending on the state).  I don't have a problem with getting parents to do something like that if they are just sitting on the money and doing nothing with it.  I doubt I'll be around for my grandkids during their college years (unless my son is a lothario in high school), but that's something that I'd be just fine with, and when my kids are older, if they do have families, I'll update the wills and will funnel some of my money that way, as it's something my grandparents did (it wasn't much, but knowing how little they made, it was hugely important to me).

But just hitting them up for money, yeah, I'd be pissed if my kids did that - it better be something serious.

[Fudge Nuggets 19190]

4 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

The thing is, in that situation, I'd mention to my parents that they could contribute to their grandkids' college fund if they wanted to (there's various trust funds/tax-writeoff stuff for education depending on the state).  I don't have a problem with getting parents to do something like that if they are just sitting on the money and doing nothing with it.  I doubt I'll be around for my grandkids during their college years (unless my son is a lothario in high school), but that's something that I'd be just fine with, and when my kids are older, if they do have families, I'll update the wills and will funnel some of my money that way, as it's something my grandparents did (it wasn't much, but knowing how little they made, it was hugely important to me).

But just hitting them up for money, yeah, I'd be pissed if my kids did that - it better be something serious.

Actually my parents wills have everything going to the grandkids, as they should.  I don’t need the money so no sweat off my back.

[Samson's Wig 3192]

My little sister (now in her mid 40s) has raided my mom's wallet her entire life.   Her husband is relatively successful with a modestly sized car dealership, but she will invite my mom to go shopping with her at every chance she gets just so my mom will pay for everything.  Prior to current husband our folks paid her rent, utilities, phone, etc. etc. and still pay for her and her family to go on vacation. She has mental health issues, without question, but they are of the sociopath variety and she doesn't garner a ton of my sympathy.   

I can draw a couple of potential conclusions from this.  One: she is simply trying to drain what little extra money our hard working middle class parents have managed to save to ensure that there is no inheritance left to speak of, or two: my parents don't like me very much.  Shit, maybe it's both.   Whatever it is I'm happy to not take their money.

[hayden_horn 11362]

4 minutes ago, Samson's Wig said:

My little sister (now in her mid 40s) has raided my mom's wallet her entire life.   Her husband is relatively successful with a modestly sized car dealership, but she will invite my mom to go shopping with her at every chance she gets just so my mom will pay for everything.  Prior to current husband our folks paid her rent, utilities, phone, etc. etc. and still pay for her and her family to go on vacation. She has mental health issues, without question, but they are of the sociopath variety and she doesn't garner a ton of my sympathy.   

I can draw a couple of potential conclusions from this.  One: she is simply trying to drain what little extra money our hard working middle class parents have managed to save to ensure that there is no inheritance left to speak of, or two: my parents don't like me very much.  Shit, maybe it's both.   Whatever it is I'm happy to not take their money.

yeah. i saw this with my sister and her kids and my ma. it sucks, especially when mom started flirting with dementia and would forget this or that and suddenly' sis's whole family had new mobile phones. 

i think that's different than what the op is talking about, which is casual comfort. "oh, your mom still pays for your cell plan and...your housekeeper? okay..." yeah that shit seems a little weird to me, but like i said, i don't care, everyone lives in different situations. 

my ma has helped me with some pretty significant shit, so i can't really judge. i'm pretty far from a bootstraps kind of guy, even if i wasn't no silver spoon motherfucker neither.

[atomheartbevo 89659]

2 minutes ago, Samson's Wig said:

Prior to current husband our folks paid her rent, utilities, phone, etc. etc. and still pay for her and her family to go on vacation. She has mental health issues, without question, but they are of the sociopath variety and she doesn't garner a ton of my sympathy.   

I can draw a couple of potential conclusions from this.  One: she is simply trying to drain what little extra money our hard working middle class parents have managed to save to ensure that there is no inheritance left to speak of, 

I've wondered about this with the two in-laws I've mentioned - particularly the son who is living well above his means - when their dad kicks the bucket, his very robust monthly pension stops (there's no payout on death, he gets his retirement paid monthly).  The son does dumbass shit with money, but he's not completely stupid.  There might be a few hundred thousand in cash/assets that will be spread amongst several siblings and grandkids, meaning that he *might* get $50,000 or so.  He and his Qanon sister are draining money on a monthly basis from the parents that would have otherwise went into investment funds or whatever, and/or could have been paid out later on to all of the siblings.

And the other siblings who don't take money from the parents are pissed at he and the sister.  When the time comes and the money dries up, the two of them will not be getting any financial help from anybody else in the family.  They've burned their fucking bridges, and refused to prepare for the future.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

1 hour ago, Royalfan5 said:

I was also going to say since you farm, you are probably pretty familiar with talk that so and so is paying such and suches way in life. (Whether it’s true or not)

Yup, but it’s less what the OP is talking about and more people being jealous of generational operations.

Its less that mom and dad paid for this or that as it is you’re where you are due to the previous generation(s), which is almost always true to an extent, but I know a lot of guys who are 3rd/4th gen making the right decisions and adding to the wealth rather than bleeding it off.

My brother and cousin don’t farm, but both receive some benefits as a result of the farm, despite not being actively involved.  They both worked hard as kids and will be future landowners, so it makes sense to me.  We have tons of extended family on our business phone plan because it’s so damn cheap, just like in the OP example.

Do my parents and grandparents directly support my lifestyle?  No.  But I only have the opportunities I have because of my last name.  I work my ass off and have done well with those opportunities, but that door isn’t open if I’m someone else’s kid and I’ll be the first to admit it.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

1 hour ago, Gooby said:

That's the thing.  She was completely aghast at what we pay per month for our cell plan.  "You mean your parents don't pay for yours?".  No, my parents quit paying for me about 18 years ago.  

Yes, it is jealousy, but mainly because once she found out, she looked at us like we were second class citizens.

Well if they’re being dicks about it, that’s different 

[Neonmoon 38129]

2 hours ago, Gooby said:

Their daughter is 35 years old and lives with her husband and three kids (Ages 2, 4 and 10) across the street from us.  Neighbor husband is higher-up in a home healthcare company, while neighbor wife works from home with her Rodan and Fields business and camps out on Instagram all day, so there is income coming in to that house, but obviously not enough to suit her lifestyle.

The wife does not have a business, she participates in a pyramid scheme. She makes zero money. 

[DalTxHornFan 3101]

I had a ne'er do well childless Uncle (one of three kids) that asked my Grandfather for his share of his future inheritance when he was around age 40 and my Grandfather was around 70.  My Grandfather was heartbroken that he'd raised such a greedy and ungracious child and their relationship was never the same after that.

The happy part of the story is that my Uncle drank himself to death before he turned 50.  All of the inheritance went to the remaining two siblings. 

FAFO.   

[RDCanecutter 26426]

The obvious way to solve the original situation is simple. Dominate the husband physically and mentally, and break him. Should be easy since he is immature and soft. Then after he starts sleeping at his hospital job, stare into the wife's eyes and make her collapse in front of you, weak with love and lust. Carry her up to the bedroom while yelling at her hungry kids to learn how to cook, it's on youtube, use your phones.

Soon after you settle into this arrangement, it should be easy to siphon a river of money off of all the grandparents "for the children," even if technically those worthies are off at military school. Maybe get a lump sum up front as you will soon tire of the wheedling helpless wife.

Edited December 21, 2022 by RDCanecutter

[Dahobbs 17534]

26 minutes ago, Samson's Wig said:

My little sister (now in her mid 40s) has raided my mom's wallet her entire life.   Her husband is relatively successful with a modestly sized car dealership, but she will invite my mom to go shopping with her at every chance she gets just so my mom will pay for everything.  Prior to current husband our folks paid her rent, utilities, phone, etc. etc. and still pay for her and her family to go on vacation. She has mental health issues, without question, but they are of the sociopath variety and she doesn't garner a ton of my sympathy.   

I can draw a couple of potential conclusions from this.  One: she is simply trying to drain what little extra money our hard working middle class parents have managed to save to ensure that there is no inheritance left to speak of, or two: my parents don't like me very much.  Shit, maybe it's both.   Whatever it is I'm happy to not take their money.

My conclusion is that your sister is/was hot and/or wild in bed. 

[TwiceHorn 31457]

I grew up with a lot of this.  I think it is more peculiar to daughters of the extremely wealthy and/or kinda wealthy extravagant spenders.

In high school, the wealthy kids (some fake rich) drove nice or really nice cars and had expensive clothes, and more subtly, took fancy vacations sometimes to second homes and had country club memberships, although at HP, Royal Oaks was far more common than DCC or even Brookhollow, back in my day (my perception is that it is a lot worse today in terms of conspicuous spending).

That kind of continued at UT, with the addition of fancier living quarters, occupied by fewer students, and larger spending budgets.  And, of course, no student loans.

For most guys, their standard of living dropped when they graduated, but they still had their nice cars and clothes.  But, they also worried less about saving than even the average 20-something.  Many of the guys were actually pretty smart and sharp, and even if they weren't, before long the connections kicked in and they were capable of supporting a fairly extravagant lifestyle, maybe boosted a bit by Mom & Dad or a trust fund (with that age 25 common limitation).

For girls, it was a different story.  They were pretty heavily reliant on extravagant clothes, hair and makeup budgets, as well as cars and jewelry, and often didn't have the means to support them with their "Mrs." degrees.  It seems Mummy & Daddy kept the spigot flowing until at least marriage, and if the groom hadn't yet "arrived," then that sort of support continued, pretty indefinitely, assuming the parents had the means (with some frequency they didn't as $30k milliionaires can only keep that going for so long, and oil prices etc.).  With the girls/women, I think it was mostly just outright parental payments for certain expenses (as opposed to distributions from a trust).

Of course, "assistance" with a downpayment (I'm not just talking the usual 20% here, but enough to make the mortgaged portion affordable) was pretty common once marriage is attained or children are birthed.  Trust funds often don't kick in until parents or grandparents pass, depending on where the wealth is.

That said, some of the wealthiest people I knew were also among the most inconspicuous and their spawn were extremely sharp and capable and did well for themselves, academically, occupationally, and pretty much every other way, boosted by the wealthy version of white privilege, of course.  And a few were complete dumbfuck fuckups that would have been nowhere without Mom & Dad.  And a few stopped having "Mom & Dad" for various reasons, like bankruptcy, jail, etc.

Of course, this was all 25 some odd years ago, and I think with the increasing wealth disparity and diminished prospects for the young, even the connected young, and, as Samson's Wig indicates, their generation (or that of their parents.

Edited December 22, 2022 by TwiceHorn

[Gatorubet 30233]

57 minutes ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

My ex-wife was always wanting me to hit up my parents for money because as an only child "It's all going to you at some point any way."  I couldn't stand that bullshit; just because we had to do without a few stupid needless things isn't going to get me begging my parents for money.

Another reason among a long list that she's the ex-wife.

Remember to send the ex a nice pic of you and the gorgeous Sugar Baby from the Caribbean resort (after your folks pass).   The email sending it should say, “You WERE right - it was all going to me after all!”

[TwiceHorn 31457]

Also, I am not going to accuse OP of jealousy, although I'm sure that's there to a certain extent.

This goes on, and not just in NYC among Trump types and the more savory of that ilk.  It happens right here in Dallas, Austin and Houston and everywhere else you can think of.

Discovering that it's happening right across the street can be somewhat revelational if you have never come across it close up.

[Hook1997 5354]

I have friend that him and his wife get the maximum gift amount each from both his mom and stepdad so 60k now. Also get lots of other things like boats, trucks at a discount after step dad puts a few miles on them, ect.  They have a business that doesn’t take anything close to full time work or anything but pulls in a pretty good income. How do I feel about it though, I don’t cause it doesn’t effect me and you shouldn’t either. Definitely would be nice to get but who cares. 

Edited December 22, 2022 by Hook1997

[Biff Tannen 45678]

1 hour ago, RDCanecutter said:

The obvious way to solve the original situation is simple. Dominate the husband physically and mentally, and break him. Should be easy since he is immature and soft. Then after he starts sleeping at his hospital job, stare into the wife's eyes and make her collapse in front of you, weak with love and lust. Carry her up to the bedroom while yelling at her hungry kids to learn how to cook, it's on youtube, use your phones.

Soon after you settle into this arrangement, it should be easy to siphon a river of money off of all the grandparents "for the children," even if technically those worthies are off at military school. Maybe get a lump sum up front as you will soon tire of the wheedling helpless wife.

lulz

[Not a cat 5655]

3 hours ago, 52-80 said:

I have separately a college dormmate, and post-college housemate, who are both are inheritors to multi-generation industrial wealth. 

And I had *no* idea of that fact until way late into our friendship because 1 lived like a pauper and the other one as vanilla as the rest of us.

Good friend of mine in college who I assumed was just the son of a west Texas roughneck asked for a ride to the airport to catch a flight home.  As I'm pulling into the old Mueller airport he directs me to some turnoff where the family plane was waiting for him.

Real wealth often doesn't seem to need to show it off, unlike a few Fort Worth dentist's kids I knew who couldn't stop talking about their Rolex and lake house.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, hayden_horn said:

i have friends who get help from their folks, i'm sure. i don't really know. i don't really care. 

the fuck should i care?

i've gotten help from my folks when i needed it. that's called "having a support network." i see what you are saying about perhaps "propping up an unearned or unfair" lifestyle, but i don't really give a fuck about that.

i mean, not everybody is the perfect person in the world. everyone does, kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me. i just feel people need to give em a chance.

 

For me, there's a big difference between being in your early/ mid 20's, getting established and needing help because the water heater blew up or some shit like that; and being mid-late 30's and you can't stay away from the casinos or you and your wife have $50k trucks/ Tahoes but don't have the financial discipline to build up your 'rainy day' fund.

I've shared on here before that I became very close with my MIL, God rest her soul.  One of her 'regrets in life' was that she and my FIL helped out my wife's sister and also brother many, many times through the years and they felt like we 'deserved' some of it. I reminded her that both of the other siblings had been through 2 divorces each and there were sometimes really shitty circumstances that made it necessary for their kids to ask for help.  Honestly, my FIL enabled some horseshit financially with my BIL, but I never gave a fuck, as long as it was his choice.  I was thankful we didn't have to ask for help after the very early years.  I never wanted their money.  I was grateful for the relationship we had. I miss them like a motherfucker during the holidays.

[Anastasis 23469]

Travelling with family is pretty normal, at least in mine. Some trips smaller, some bigger. And hell yeah the patriarch and matriarch foot a good bit of the bill. You just make sure that you pick up an appropriate amount of the bar tabs and a dinner here and there. I hope that I get the chance to do the same for my kids and grandkids when the time comes.  

[troph 24788]

Shit I’m a grizzled old chicken now ain’t no spring chicken left here. Did it on my own, worked through college didn’t get shit. Didn’t totally start over but sure we can call it that - and not once but twice - once financially in 2010 and once well you know why.  Nobody gave me shit except a chance to work and a chance to take chances. I’m teaching my boys early but in the end, cell phones as adults? Yeah no. But will I extend an invite to go to NYC or Italy on my dime when they are adults? Absolutely. But then I might do that for select friends too. Country club dues? Maybe, especially if they are working the family business and paying their dues there, plenty of companies offer country club dues as a fringe benefit.  But I’ll be damned if I’m paying for lifestyle without a corresponding commitment to help me build generational wealth. I’m 0-400 meters they get the baton from me and are the 400-800 meters leg and their kids and their kids’ kids will finish it if we do this right. And to see my boys closing in on the half way mark before I die is worth a few trips around the world and access to a fancy tennis court.  Different values I guess. Or maybe I’m an idoit.

[TwiceHorn 31457]

16 minutes ago, slorch said:

$50k trucks/ Tahoes

Double that.

[TwiceHorn 31457]

2 minutes ago, troph said:

Shit I’m a grizzled old chicken now ain’t no spring chicken left here. Did it on my own, worked through college didn’t get shit. Didn’t totally start over but sure we can call it that - and not once but twice - once financially in 2010 and once well you know why.  Nobody gave me shit except a chance to work and a chance to take chances. I’m teaching my boys early but in the end, cell phones as adults? Yeah no. But will I extend an invite to go to NYC or Italy on my dime when they are adults? Absolutely. But then I might do that for select friends too. Country club dues? Maybe, especially if they are working the family business and paying their dues there, plenty of companies offer country club dues as a fringe benefit.  But I’ll be damned if I’m paying for lifestyle without a corresponding commitment to help me build generational wealth. I’m 0-400 meters they get the baton from me and are the 400-800 meters leg and their kids and their kids’ kids will finish it if we do this right. And to see my boys closing in on the half way mark before I die is worth a few trips around the world and access to a fancy tennis court.  Different values I guess. Or maybe I’m an idoit.

I'm certainly not accusing you of this, but some of the more "conspicuous" kids were children of the "self-made," who tended to be indulgent.  Most of that didn't continue much past the teenage years.

[Aqua Buddha 14595]

Inheritance is the unseen hand of wealth in America.

Yes, the OP is correct.  A lot of younger people are getting regular payments from their parents or the parents periodically pay for large items like houses, private school tuition, cars, etc.

There are also a lot of adult children supporting their old parents.

[troph 24788]

10 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

I'm certainly not accusing you of this, but some of the more "conspicuous" kids were children of the "self-made," who tended to be indulgent.  Most of that didn't continue much past the teenage years.

Not sure your point I’m not arguing I generally don’t know what you mean. I will say I’m full of blind spots so I’m sure I’ll have unintended consequences on them. Hell my drive and need to press and take chances and keep going and going and going and play hard work hard and demand excellence is the consequence of being raised by total fuckups. To think my intensity won’t have a consequence would be foolish on my part.

[troph 24788]

I think my in-laws pay for some private band lessons. That’s at my ex’s house. She doesn’t need the help I guess I could pay for it but I pay for almost eveything already so I don’t quibble over the help. 
 

I actually think adult children should pay for their parents extras if their parents are on fixed incomes. I do that for my mom on a semi regular occasion. 

Edited December 22, 2022 by troph

[atomheartbevo 89659]

52 minutes ago, slorch said:

I've shared on here before that I became very close with my MIL, God rest her soul.  One of her 'regrets in life' was that she and my FIL helped out my wife's sister and also brother many, many times through the years and they felt like we 'deserved' some of it. I reminded her that both of the other siblings had been through 2 divorces each and there were sometimes really shitty circumstances that made it necessary for their kids to ask for help.  Honestly, my FIL enabled some horseshit financially with my BIL, but I never gave a fuck, as long as it was his choice.  I was thankful we didn't have to ask for help after the very early years.  I never wanted their money.  I was grateful for the relationship we had. I miss them like a motherfucker during the holidays.

My biggest problem personally is not that more of the dad and step-mom's money should be going to the rest of the siblings (again, I'm an in-law, not my money, but I know the other siblings are somewhat pissed about it), it's that enabling certain behaviors is going to fuck with everybody else down the road.

The Qanon in-law is going to end up under a bridge.  Her dad and step-mom are the only ones with any leverage and the refuse to put any conditions on her receiving money from them monthly (like getting even a simple job like driving for a delivery service).  And that really pisses me off, because her dad has told me that he knows her life will end poorly, but he refuses to use the money to control her.  I am dreading having that conversation with my kids about why their aunt is under a bridge and/or dead at a young age, but my wife and I have already kind of framed it out.  

As for the son who lives paycheck-to-paycheck in a McMansion with a six-figure income (with his wife), when the money train dries up, in theory they could sell one of their vehicles, and try and buy into a smaller and cheaper house.  Or stop going to NFL and NBA games and eat some fucking ramen or make some hamburgers at home or whatever instead of eating out all the time.  He's a man-baby though - his dad recently told him no on something (a trip to Disney World of all fucking things), and he had the fucking nerve to ask the siblings for a loan or help.  Everybody told him to wait a year and save up, and he made some shitty (vague) comments on FB about it.  He had the fucking nerve to ask his sister, a single-mom making $15,000 a year less than him, for help to go to Disney World.

I respect those families that can do this kind of stuff, and keep their kids normal, but I wonder if we are going to see a lot of thousandaires who are being propped up by their families eventually fall flat on their face in the coming years as the boomers die off and those pensions and retirement funds go away, because I've heard plenty of stories from other people about this stuff.

[Gil Bang 25950]

I've got a buddy (Jack) that works hard at his job, and makes enough to provide a comfortable middle-to-upper-middle lifestyle for his family. 

 

His wife has a brother that's LOADED.  So, anytime she doesn't get what she wants or needs, she calls her brother and he gives it to her.  Daughter was big into the barrel racing deal.  Wife wanted a new truck and horse trailer.  Jack says that the truck and trailer they have is fine, that he will put new tires on the truck, etc.   Wife calls brother. A couple of days later, Cummins Dodge Dually arrives and a new featherlite arrives a week or so later. 

This goes on and on.  Jack feels like a POS because his wife makes him feel shitty because nothing he provides is good enough for her.   And what he provides is enough that most women would be grateful.

[Beau Vine 54218]

3 hours ago, RDCanecutter said:

The obvious way to solve the original situation is simple. Dominate the husband physically and mentally, and break him.

[Beau Vine 54218]

8 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

I've got a buddy (Jack) that works hard at his job, and makes enough to provide a comfortable middle-to-upper-middle lifestyle for his family. 

 

His wife has a brother that's LOADED.  So, anytime she doesn't get what she wants or needs, she calls her brother and he gives it to her.  Daughter was big into the barrel racing deal.  Wife wanted a new truck and horse trailer.  Jack says that the truck and trailer they have is fine, that he will put new tires on the truck, etc.   Wife calls brother. A couple of days later, Cummins Dodge Dually arrives and a new featherlite arrives a week or so later. 

This goes on and on.  Jack feels like a POS because his wife makes him feel shitty because nothing he provides is good enough for her.   And what he provides is enough that most women would be grateful.

Good talk, Jack.

[Telegraph_it 3357]

1 hour ago, TwiceHorn said:

Double that.

Ugh. It is rage inducing how expensive these frikin SUVs are. I at least managed to talk my wife down to a Tahoe with most of the features of a Denali. Saved myself $10k. 

[FORTY NINE TO ZERO 2652]

There is nothing wrong with sharing log ins  

i use my parents Netflix account and my in-laws hbo plus   They both my Disney plus 

it works out perfectly for everyone 

[gmr548 16576]

Sharing phone plans, streaming services, etc. is incredibly common because it makes economic sense, and with the phone thing, most people probably never even stop and think about it after kids are out of the house. The amount of money at stake is so inconsequential and the practical reasoning so clear that being worried about whether or not someone is using their parents' cable login or whatever says a lot more about you than them.

As for the vacations, help with home purchases, whatever... That's the kind of stuff wealthy people have been doing forever. That's, you know, a lot of the point of wanting to be wealthy - to be able to provide a high standard of living and pass it down. OP, you mentioned you've taken loans from your parents. That's a handout. You can't get a zero interest loan with informal repayment terms on the open market, and you know damn well they didn't give you that money without being comfortable with the fact that they might not ever see it again. Don't be obtuse.

Edited December 22, 2022 by gmr548

[TwiceHorn 31457]

1 hour ago, troph said:

Not sure your point I’m not arguing I generally don’t know what you mean. I will say I’m full of blind spots so I’m sure I’ll have unintended consequences on them. Hell my drive and need to press and take chances and keep going and going and going and play hard work hard and demand excellence is the consequence of being raised by total fuckups. To think my intensity won’t have a consequence would be foolish on my part.

What I mean is, most of this discussion seems to center around what people assume to be "generational wealth."  That is, everyone assumes trust funds are involved and this is some form of "multi-generational" decadence.

But OP's neighbors are children of a lawyer.  That tends not to be "generational."  Also, my personal observation of a fair number of indulged children of wealth indicates that their parents themselves were not raised wealthy and often quite far from it and indulge their children accordingly.  That is, "I ate sand growing up and walked 11 miles to school barefoot, so junior gets a bunch of fancy expensive stuff."  It's an understandable tendency, a bit of a variation on the "spoiled child."  But unlike some wealth scenarios, it usually only applies to children as dependents, in my observation.  Those folks didn't go on to support/embellish their kids' lifestyles well into adulthood.

[TwiceHorn 31457]

20 minutes ago, FORTY NINE TO ZERO said:

There is nothing wrong with sharing log ins  

i use my parents Netflix account and my in-laws hbo plus   They both my Disney plus 

it works out perfectly for everyone 

Well, there is that whole theft of services concept.

[Not a cat 5655]

35 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

And what he provides is enough that most women would be grateful.

[troph 24788]

1 minute ago, TwiceHorn said:

What I mean is, most of this discussion seems to center around what people assume to be "generational wealth."  That is, everyone assumes trust funds are involved and this is some form of "multi-generational" decadence.

But OP's neighbors are children of a lawyer.  That tends not to be "generational."  Also, my personal observation of a fair number of indulged children of wealth indicates that their parents themselves were not raised wealthy and often quite far from it and indulge their children accordingly.  That is, "I ate sand growing up and walked 11 miles to school barefoot, so junior gets a bunch of fancy expensive stuff."  It's an understandable tendency, a bit of a variation on the "spoiled child."  But unlike some wealth scenarios, it usually only applies to children as dependents, in my observation.  Those folks didn't go on to support/embellish their kids' lifestyles well into adulthood.

Gotcha. Yeah the OP seems too much in a way. I was offering an explanation for some of it and we all see some versions of it here and there.  I guess I don’t find it as appalling as some. I actually fit the bill you describe and hope I can do more for my kids but approaching 50 and still striving it may not be the same when my kids are adults who knows I might have to get stingy. I say all of that to simply say, everyone has their reasons.  It can simply be they are generous and nothing more than that.

[TwiceHorn 31457]

 

2 minutes ago, troph said:

Gotcha. Yeah the OP seems too much in a way. I was offering an explanation for some of it and we all see some versions of it here and there.  I guess I don’t find it as appalling as some. I actually fit the bill you describe and hope I can do more for my kids but approaching 50 and still striving it may not be the same when my kids are adults who knows I might have to get stingy. I say all of that to simply say, everyone has their reasons.  It can simply be they are generous and nothing more than that.

Yeah, I hear you.  Sometimes, along with that material largesse, the kid is what I consider spoiled in terms of undisciplined and entitled in other than material ways.  It's actually possible to indulge your children materially (at least to some extent) while preserving them as decent human beings (conversely, its easy enough to raise a spoiled child with barely a pot to piss in). 

I'm confident your kids are fine, whether they get nice stuff or not.

[troph 24788]

6 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

 

Yeah, I hear you.  Sometimes, along with that material largesse, the kid is what I consider spoiled in terms of undisciplined and entitled in other than material ways.  It's actually possible to indulge your children materially (at least to some extent) while preserving them as decent human beings (conversely, its easy enough to raise a spoiled child with barely a pot to piss in). 

I'm confident your kids are fine, whether they get nice stuff or not.

I don’t know if they are, that’s the thing about it all. We don’t have full control, we have influence that’s it. They start making their own decisions a lot earlier than we are comfortable admitting. 

[txduck87 985]

Sharing phone plans, streaming services, etc. is incredibly common because it makes economic sense, and with the phone thing, most people probably never even stop and think about it after kids are out of the house. The amount of money at stake is so inconsequential and the practical reasoning so clear that being worried about whether or not someone is using their parents' cable login or whatever says a lot more about you than them.
As for the vacations, help with home purchases, whatever... That's the kind of stuff wealthy people have been doing forever. That's, you know, a lot of the point of wanting to be wealthy - to be able to provide a high standard of living and pass it down. OP, you mentioned you've taken loans from your parents. That's a handout. You can't get a zero interest loan with informal repayment terms on the open market, and you know damn well they didn't give you that money without being comfortable with the fact that they might not ever see it again. Don't be obtuse.

[Pig Bellmont 8717]

Yes I know people who rely on family businesses, family money, trusts- 🤷‍♂️ whatever. I don’t have the energy to care all that much about how other people handle money 

[HamsterHookah 112]

I got to know my neighbor a bit and found he has a very average, middle class job and his wife doesn't work. I often wondered how he afforded mortgage, much less everything else. 

I got to know him better and learned that his parents live across the street and 5 doors down. Bought him the house when they retired and moved from California to be close to the grandkids.

I bet there are a lot of stories like that and hey, smoke 'em if you got 'em!

Edited December 22, 2022 by HamsterHookah

[dcbc 14480]

5 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I grew up with a lot of this.  I think it is more peculiar to daughters of the extremely wealthy and/or kinda wealthy extravagant spenders.

In high school, the wealthy kids (some fake rich) drove nice or really nice cars and had expensive clothes, and more subtly, took fancy vacations sometimes to second homes and had country club memberships, although at HP, Royal Oaks was far more common than DCC or even Brookhollow, back in my day (my perception is that it is a lot worse today in terms of conspicuous spending).

That kind of continued at UT, with the addition of fancier living quarters, occupied by fewer students, and larger spending budgets.  And, of course, no student loans.

For most guys, their standard of living dropped when they graduated, but they still had their nice cars and clothes.  But, they also worried less about saving than even the average 20-something.  Many of the guys were actually pretty smart and sharp, and even if they weren't, before long the connections kicked in and they were capable of supporting a fairly extravagant lifestyle, maybe boosted a bit by Mom & Dad or a trust fund (with that age 25 common limitation).

For girls, it was a different story.  They were pretty heavily reliant on extravagant clothes, hair and makeup budgets, as well as cars and jewelry, and often didn't have the means to support them with their "Mrs." degrees.  It seems Mummy & Daddy kept the spigot flowing until at least marriage, and if the groom hadn't yet "arrived," then that sort of support continued, pretty indefinitely, assuming the parents had the means (with some frequency they didn't as $30k milliionaires can only keep that going for so long, and oil prices etc.).  With the girls/women, I think it was mostly just outright parental payments for certain expenses (as opposed to distributions from a trust).

Of course, "assistance" with a downpayment (I'm not just talking the usual 20% here, but enough to make the mortgaged portion affordable) was pretty common once marriage is attained or children are birthed.  Trust funds often don't kick in until parents or grandparents pass, depending on where the wealth is.

That said, some of the wealthiest people I knew were also among the most inconspicuous and their spawn were extremely sharp and capable and did well for themselves, academically, occupationally, and pretty much every other way, boosted by the wealthy version of white privilege, of course.  And a few were complete dumbfuck fuckups that would have been nowhere without Mom & Dad.  And a few stopped having "Mom & Dad" for various reasons, like bankruptcy, jail, etc.

Of course, this was all 25 some odd years ago, and I think with the increasing wealth disparity and diminished prospects for the young, even the connected young, and, as Samson's Wig indicates, their generation (or that of their parents.

I grew up around it in Houston.  This is spot on.  The whole thing is strangely nuanced.  But then again, so are people, and they're still people, sort of.

 

 

Edited December 22, 2022 by dcbc

[Chewbacca 7777]

My sister and BIL fit here. BILs dad is wealthy. He bought them their house in Boulder ~20 years ago, but they don't own it, BILs dad does. Gives them whatever the gift max is every year. Pays college tuition for my nephew and niece. Pays for vacations.

Sister and BIL own zero property, they have very little assets. Sister is a pilates instructor that makes minimum wage working at the rec center. BIL owns a landscaping company. He's more concerned with the number of employees he has than how much he nets on his business. They are both 100 percent counting on inheritance to fund their retirement. It will probably backfire.

[Superhero 8830]

My parents gave me $50K to buy my first house. Another $60K for grad school. Eventually I took their savings account as well.

Then I took all that money that I didn’t spend, invested it and gave it back to them. They told me the money is mine eventually, but in the meantime, I’m just a steward.

My wife and I make a decent enough living, not lacking anything. Chances are I’ll take care of my kids as well, but that ain’t any of your damn business.

 

[FartingMonk 3606]

Haters ball is that way my dude.  

[Nice Guy Eddie 13512]

Out of curiosity does anyone feel or would feel differently about accepting money from their spouse’s parents as opposed to their own? Maybe I’m just overly insecure but I wouldn’t want even the slightest hint that I couldn’t afford to take care of my family myself.

overall on this topic there are a million variations. In my family, it’s some adult children dependent on their fixed income mom hanging out a $1000 each month that the mom can’t afford. And if mom had a financial crisis there would be $0 going the other direction.

[956 Worldwide 34710]

I don’t really rely on my parents’ direct support at all and for a long time I’ve felt that I never wanted to be in that situation. Having my own kids and a better grasp at how tenuous things can be outside of the top percent has mellowed me.  
 

No CR, life in the US has gotten fucking hard and things like a car and house near a decent school is a luxury item for lots of people who are working hard and doing the right thing. I guess my philosophy now is that if I have enough money to maintain a nice standard of living, then when my kids are older I won’t mind kicking them some.  Helping your loved ones have things like a comfortable home, good schooling, not need to worry about a medical emergency…. That’s why you go to work. It’s not for buying new instead of used in retirement. 
 

That’s contingent on them making good choices and being responsible themselves. For most of human history generations of families have supported each other as the norm. Our model is the weird one and it’s based on a social contract that’s basically been torn up at this point.