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Shart 2023: The Quickening

Prepuce of Doom

By Prepuce of Doom
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Longhornstampede

Longhornstampede 3173

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Most likely just a spectator in this literal shitshow this year. Don't (can't) drink anymore and the diet has become slightly more healthy, or at least more discriminating. So despite having black coffee, bacon, eggs (runny yolks) and fruit for breakfast this morning.... I'm not even worried anymore.

Calling my shart-shot on January 1.

Longhornstampede: 365

Shart: 0

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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20 minutes ago, Longhornstampede said:

Most likely just a spectator in this literal shitshow this year. Don't (can't) drink anymore and the diet has become slightly more healthy, or at least more discriminating. So despite having black coffee, bacon, eggs (runny yolks) and fruit for breakfast this morning.... I'm not even worried anymore.

Calling my shart-shot on January 1.

Longhornstampede: 365

Shart: 0

200.gif

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25865

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1 hour ago, Longhornstampede said:

Most likely just a spectator in this literal shitshow this year. Don't (can't) drink anymore and the diet has become slightly more healthy, or at least more discriminating. So despite having black coffee, bacon, eggs (runny yolks) and fruit for breakfast this morning.... I'm not even worried anymore.

Calling my shart-shot on January 1.

Longhornstampede: 365

Shart: 0

just takin' it one day at a time.

 

like the drunks do.

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21697

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4 hours ago, RPM said:

Took 16 hours. Benchmark.

OK, you’re saying you put the first one on the board?  Details.

still getting much of my nutrition from liquid goo (son calls it Soylent green).  Haven’t had a firm shit in almost a month.  So I’m always riding the razor’s edge.  But I know way better than to try to squeak out any gas.  Odds would not be in my favor.

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Frank The Tank

Frank The Tank 1492

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Haven’t been feeling great after a few days of celebration, but assumed it was just hungover and tired. I woke up to a horrific shart in the bed at about 2:00am last night. Spent the next several hours on and off the toilet with terrible stomach cramps and shitting piss. 0/10 would not recommend. 

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21697

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7 hours ago, TexArcher said:

I just turned 47 and I've only sharted once.

Is something wrong with me?  Should I be sharting more regularly?

No, I was roughly your age when this annual thread started I think.  I thought y’all were a bunch of loose assed heathens.  But Father Time was quick to remind me I was not immune to the ravages of age. 

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Lhorn

Lhorn 4884

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16 hours ago, TexArcher said:

I just turned 47 and I've only sharted once.

Is something wrong with me?  Should I be sharting more regularly?

Same here. I’m 51 and only had one experience worth mentioning.  I have no idea what I ate but went for a walk with the wife.  Gut went from 0-100 in minutes.  
 

Zero chance of getting home or to a bathroom.  Had to make a deposit behind a dumpster at a local elementary school (summer, no kids).  wife won’t let me forget about it.  Beyond that no problems in decades. 

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 20969

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4 hours ago, Guadaloopy said:

Turned 50 in January 2022 and made it through the year unscathed.  Pretty proud of that after having incidents in both '20 and '21.  Either my gut health is improving, or I'm getting better at risk assessment with experience.  Here's to 2023!

Taunt the Turd Gods like this much more, and you'll have to change your username to Gottapoopy before spring hits. 

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nnm

nnm 35990

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Every time you fart, you’re emitting bacteria with the gases. So technically, every fart is a shart. "There's about a tenth of a gram of poop in the average pair of underwear," he added.  https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/washing-machines-loaded-bacteria-dirty-clothes/story?id=10751420

Good science experiment for the intrepid young surl middle schooler:  fart near a Petri dish, once with clothes on, and a second one au natural.  Observe the results. Profit. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1121900/

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8787

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On 1/3/2023 at 8:06 PM, nnm said:

Every time you fart, you’re emitting bacteria with the gases. So technically, every fart is a shart. "There's about a tenth of a gram of poop in the average pair of underwear," he added.  https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/washing-machines-loaded-bacteria-dirty-clothes/story?id=10751420

Good science experiment for the intrepid young surl middle schooler:  fart near a Petri dish, once with clothes on, and a second one au natural.  Observe the results. Profit. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1121900/

Sounds like a good research project for Doomlet. 

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Js1

Js1 85055

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On 1/3/2023 at 8:06 PM, nnm said:

Every time you fart, you’re emitting bacteria with the gases. So technically, every fart is a shart. "There's about a tenth of a gram of poop in the average pair of underwear," he added.  https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/washing-machines-loaded-bacteria-dirty-clothes/story?id=10751420

Good science experiment for the intrepid young surl middle schooler:  fart near a Petri dish, once with clothes on, and a second one au natural.  Observe the results. Profit. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1121900/

Thermal Vision Fart GIFs | Tenor

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Pdawg88

Pdawg88 1110

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My wife would die if she knew I told this. But I moved back to Oklahoma from Miami in 2003, met her 3 months later and the rest is history as they say. We had been dating for a while and had a small house and things were good. Till they weren’t. We had went out the night before and drank 29 beers and went home and passed out. Wake up the next morning and decide to go eat Mexican food and grab another beer to take the headache away. We polish off the burritos and beers and are heading back to the house when I see my girlfriend gently raise her butt a bit, I knew that was a mistake. She lets a little air waffle go, and I can tell things have went south. She puts her shoes on the dash and kind of just sit there. She has no idea I’m watching. She tries to sneak two fingers around and get a quick sniff when I look down on the two fingers and see a bit of butt mud. I scream “holy shit, you shit your pants”!!! She had a fucking heart attack because of how embarrassed she was. She still gets pissed if I bring the story up, but I laugh in her face just like I did the day she had shit on her fingers. 

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2236

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New medicine. Two weeks of nothing, nothing, nothing, poopergency!!!! Literally need to be within 45 seconds of a toilet! A couple of close calls at home, nervous as hell to go out to a store. Dr says it should go away once my body gets used to the meds. Didn’t mention how long that may take.

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