Shart 2023: The Quickening

[High Plains Drifter 11024]

17 hours ago, tfoolry said:

 

 

 

Filmed in real time, assuming that video was taken of my guts after a plate of beef enchiladas.

 

[Ghost of LL 15531]

In my household, the proper name of a poster on this very site is used as the word defined as "to shart oneself" after a particularly infamous incident at a Dallas-area country club.  

As in, "Fuck--I had to race back to the office after having lunch at the Chili Parlor because I was about to @DDD Dad myself."

[Sbbruin 21825]

My problem is I can't hardly ever gamble on a fart anymore.  I used to fart up a storm.  Now every fart is a serious gamble.  I can't tell you how many times I've gone to the shitter and had a 95% gas, 5% mudblow attempt.

['stache 21789]

I’ve been way too judgmental of you guys and I apologize. I’m still clean but only by the grace of god and a young enough sphincter which I think aged a decade this morning. I was at the playground at my kids school to help assemble a mud table. No access to the bathrooms. After an hour my tummy got a little grumbly. Thirty minutes later it was a full five alarm emergency. I seriously considered finding a corner or the yard to let loose. I got the kid ran to the car and raced home sweating every millisecond. And of course right on cue an ambulance comes blaring through traffic. Full three minute delay when every second counts. I again considered just letting loose and cleaning up later. But I made it home and am currently dealing will volcano level splatter. I don’t think I’ll be so lucky next time, my butthole is now older and weaker for sure. 

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

Sounds like you nearly assembled a mud drivers seat. 

[Brisketexan 105040]

In Dallas for a wedding. Rehearsal dinner last night was Brazilian steakhouse…I may have overindulged in the delicious carne.
Then an hour ago or so, split some Campisi’s pizza with my wife.
Back in our room watching some football. Feel some bubbles, think about letting one slip….but I’m old and wise, and know the ways of my ass. I let it simmer a moment. Yep, need to hit the shitter. Full-on blowout. But no harm done. Because I’m a pro.

[SurlyGator 864]

Braggart.

[MissingInAction 25002]

I need to accept there are certain things I just can't eat unless I go straight home. 

[Marfa Low Crown 2546]

12 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

I need to accept there are certain things I just can't eat unless I go straight home. 

Vietnamese Pho does that to me. Learned this the hard way of course, I think I documented the story on a past shart thread. 
Yes, Pho has cost me two pairs of underwear, a pair of socks, and an undershirt so it's risky business eating it without a plan.
I'll only eat it within two miles of the house or where I'm staying if I'm out of town. As an added precaution, because you just never know,  I also scope out the restaurant bathroom
before I order. If the bathroom is dodgy I order something else.  It's a guaranteed full blown vacating of the bowels so I can never be too cautious. 

[MissingInAction 25002]

[Longhornstampede 3180]

I've made it to Turkey Day..... Shart free 23!

[Longhornstampede 3180]

I'm rounding 3rd base and heading for home

[Hate 20106]

I'm rounding 3rd base and heading for home

Your pants are gonna foam.

[Longhornstampede 3180]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0PTuwupHQz/?igshid=ZWI2YzEzYmMxYg==

[nnm 36327]

 

[Rimbo 25908]

Well, whatever I got seems to be food poisoning, so I've made it into this thread with just 5 days to spare.