the 2023 speaker of the house voting thread of implosion

['stache 22,145]

Can someone with strong religious beliefs explain to me what people mean when they said they "spoke with God" or that "God spoke to them"? I've always assumed they mean they had a feeling and that "God spoke to me" is a turn of phrase like "I'm starving to death." Not meant literally, just a way to emphasis something that is felt very strongly in any given moment. But these days I'm starting to think people actually interpret their strong feelings as literal voices. Surely there aren't that many people with true psychological issues hearing voices in their head that they legitimately contribute to a literal God.

[Covri 6,368]

[atomheartbevo 90,663]

1 hour ago, 'stache said:

Can someone with strong religious beliefs explain to me what people mean when they said they "spoke with God" or that "God spoke to them"? I've always assumed they mean they had a feeling and that "God spoke to me" is a turn of phrase like "I'm starving to death." Not meant literally, just a way to emphasis something that is felt very strongly in any given moment. But these days I'm starting to think people actually interpret their strong feelings as literal voices. Surely there aren't that many people with true psychological issues hearing voices in their head that they legitimately contribute to a literal God.

God spoke to aggy when Mark Stoops turned them down.

[Goofyboy 3,434]

Can someone with strong religious beliefs explain to me what people mean when they said they "spoke with God" or that "God spoke to them"? I've always assumed they mean they had a feeling and that "God spoke to me" is a turn of phrase like "I'm starving to death." Not meant literally, just a way to emphasis something that is felt very strongly in any given moment. But these days I'm starting to think people actually interpret their strong feelings as literal voices. Surely there aren't that many people with true psychological issues hearing voices in their head that they legitimately contribute to a literal God.

Couple of old friends from high school that posted similar things the other day:

They both said something along the lines of “I had this feeling and knew it was God telling me” to pull over or something that saved them money… those types pass their own situational judgement on to their god.

On the other hand, I worked with a lady who had a cultish church and they had people that their god spoke through them in tongues and she would help translate these events. Yes, folks, she did this at work.

So, really it’s all across the board of who gets to talk to their god.

[YGIFS 19,458]

Texas Evangelicals, “Mormonism is a cultish offshoot of Christianity.  Joseph Smith just claims only he can hear/read what God tells him?  That’s nonsense and an affront to the Bible.  He used the claim to make money and gain power.”

also, Texas Evangelicals, “God spoke to me directly, and said this is what our community should do…”

[Hugo Stiglitz 23,367]

1 hour ago, 'stache said:

Can someone with strong religious beliefs explain to me what people mean when they said they "spoke with God" or that "God spoke to them"? I've always assumed they mean they had a feeling and that "God spoke to me" is a turn of phrase like "I'm starving to death." Not meant literally, just a way to emphasis something that is felt very strongly in any given moment. But these days I'm starting to think people actually interpret their strong feelings as literal voices. Surely there aren't that many people with true psychological issues hearing voices in their head that they legitimately contribute to a literal God.

Perhaps people confuse their conscience with divine inspiration.  Either way, it’s feels over reals.  I dunno, people of various faiths conceptualize god, prayer, and communication with a higher power differently. 

[aggie08 21,839]

5 hours ago, Red Five said:

I've always wondered what it would look like if "god" actually spoke to someone like Mike Johnson. 

"Holy fucking shit, I talked to God!!"

"Yeah, so you've told us. You're very religious and you always talk to him."

"No not that fucking bullshit! I mean, literally talked to him! Like no bullshit for real this time!".

 

"Dude. Your name is Mike. Johnson. God ain't gonna waste his big coming out party on you. There's gotta be a Jebediah somewhere who's way more interesting."

Edited December 9, 2023 by aggie08

[YGIFS 19,458]

Can you imagine 100 years from now, hundreds of parishioners standing in unison to the liturgical directive, "The Gospel...according to Mike Johnson." 

Yeah, me neither. So fuck off and die, Mikey.

[BamaATL 16,593]

9 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

Can you imagine 100 years from now, hundreds of parishioners standing in unison to the liturgical directive, "The Gospel...according to Mike Johnson." 

Yeah, me neither. So fuck off and die, Mikey.

I'd like to hope that in 100 years no one is referencing a gospel of any type.  

[atomheartbevo 90,663]

1 hour ago, Hugo Stiglitz said:

Perhaps people confuse their conscience with divine inspiration.  Either way, it’s feels over reals.  I dunno, people of various faiths conceptualize god, prayer, and communication with a higher power differently. 

"There was this voice in the back of my mind, I think it was God, telling me that I shouldn't go bareback with this couple I met down at Fantasy Fest, and it turns out that after $20,000 in medical bills for an STD that I thought was a punchline, an expensive divorce, and a court order that I can only visit my kids when they are supervised by court-approved adults, well it turns out that God was right.  But you know what God got wrong?  He didn't tell me to turn off the cloud feature on my phone that uploaded all of my photos to the family's photo stream so that my wife and kids saw almost everything that happened, nearly in real time.  So don't tell me about listening to God after he let me down!"

[UpperWestside 6,283]

These false prophets/grifting frauds like this guy just all need to be sent to Snake Island. The entire lot of them. Throw them out of a helicopter and let them fend for themselves with their bare hands. I am so sick of these clowns saying things like this. He deserves any terrible thing coming his way.

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1 hour ago, UpperWestside said:

These false prophets/grifting frauds like this guy just all need to be sent to Snake Island. The entire lot of them. Throw them out of a helicopter and let them fend for themselves with their bare hands.

What about Cobra Island?

[UpperWestside 6,283]

12 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

What about Cobra Island?

Real snakes, fake snakes, Jake the Snake I don’t care. Feed these clowns to some snakes ASAP.

[Scheiss Meister 8,473]

I believe that it was Lily Tomlin who observed that if you talk to God, that's praying, but if God talks to you, that's schizophrenia.

[atomheartbevo 90,663]

20 minutes ago, Scheiss Meister said:

I believe that it was Lily Tomlin who observed that if you talk to God, that's praying, but if God talks to you, that's schizophrenia.

People pray for some really tacky shit as well, stuff that, if you follow the Bible, is not Biblical or related to Heaven at all, in addition to all of the normal stuff.  

Examples:

• Praying to win the lottery
• Praying your boss keels over
• Being thankful that you were readily accepted into the neighborhood you moved into 6 years ago
• Praying that some relative gets better from some illness
• Praying that 7 women who live within 5-10 blocks of your house will keep their mouths shut
• Being thankful that your kid wants to go to the same university you did (or praying that the will want to)
• Praying your favorite sports team wins a game, even as the other team's fans also pray that their team wins
• Praying that 7 dads who live within 5-10 blocks of your house don't realize that their kids who are 5 and under all seem to resemble you in some way
• Praying that bad things will happen to bad people
• Praying that your boss doesn't realize you don't deserve a raise
• Being thankful that things worked out for your parents so that you don't have to deal with something
• etc.

[WhatTheBuck 28,933]

21 hours ago, TeeDubya said:

or a bank account.

Huh? What world are you living in? Obviously not the one populated by the likes of Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson. And George W. ‘God told me to invade Iraq’ Bush.

 

[YGIFS 19,458]

I don't expect much from the media these days, but has any journalist even bothered to ask him about the bank account thing?  From local city council to Senators, I've witnessed dozens of them buy something while they're on the campaign trail like a coffee, or sandwich, or tank of gas, or beer, or whatever.  It's such a pain in the ass to do the accounting beforehand when you just want to grab a muffin or tea and go.  So they just swipe their card, get the receipt, and have an underling use campaign funds later on to repay their personal account.  Happens multiple times daily during election season.  Nothing wrong with it, we all have some version of that at work or whatever.  So how the fuck does Mike Johnson get paid back for innocuous shit like that?  They either digitally transfer the money to him or cut him a check which still has to be deposited.  It's impossible the one elected official in U.S. history to not do this perfectly legal practice because he has no bank account also just so happens to be the Speaker of the House.  The odds of that are like pitching a perfect game while being struck by lightning on LSD.  It cannot happen.  

[SaucyJack 3,520]

 

[atomheartbevo 90,663]

 

[elfenix 34,754]

laughed so hard i damn near passed out from last week tonight's segment on covenant eyes

[atomheartbevo 90,663]

https://thehill.com/homenews/house/4405928-democrats-willing-to-help-gop-speaker-save-job-for-a-price/

Quote

A handful of House Democrats say they’d step in to help Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) keep his gavel in the face of a potential conservative revolt — but it wouldn’t come free.

Democrats willing to consider the matter said Johnson would first have to forge an agreement with House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) ensuring Democrats had a greater voice in the legislative process. In that case, they’d be willing to provide the votes to keep the Speaker in power.

Quote

“He would have to be more willing than Kevin McCarthy was to sit down with Hakeem Jeffries and have a conversation about what it would take for us to be helpful. Kevin said to pound sand. He didn’t want the help,” said Rep. Dan Kildee (D-Mich.). 

“We wouldn’t be offering it as an act of charity,” Kildee continued. “We would say, ‘Look, if you need Democrats to govern, then you’re going to have to take Democratic input.’”

Meanwhile, Congress will vote next week to extend funding to March so they have longer for Republicans to figure out how to fuck over Biden

https://www.axios.com/2024/01/13/congress-government-shutdown-cr-march

 

[Js1 87,210]

This sounds purely amazing

Quote

The 118th Congress continues to set low expectations and then struggles to meet them.

House: The House returns to session today. As of late Monday night, the House Republican leadership seemed intent on keeping votes scheduled for this evening as well. Part of this is to instill some urgency in getting members back to Washington. If party leaders cancel votes tonight, lawmakers won’t make an effort to return to Capitol Hill, delaying the House’s business with a shutdown looming Friday night.

Speaker Mike Johnson and the House Republican leadership plan to host a closed-door party meeting Wednesday morning to talk through the week’s business. And, of course, the highlight of this week’s business is passing the government funding bill by Friday night.

Passage in the House will mean some hoop-jumping for GOP leaders. Johnson can’t put this bill through the Rules Committee. Former Speaker Kevin McCarthy stacked the panel with several conservatives a year ago in order to win the gavel. Those hardline conservatives are incredibly unlikely to give approval for another stopgap funding bill.

This means Johnson is going to have to rely on the suspension calendar to get this bill through. Floor passage under this requires a two-thirds majority, or 290 votes. And this is important to keep in mind — lawmakers can’t amend legislation that is considered under suspension of the rules. It’s an up-or-down vote.

Remember: The House Republican majority is incredibly tenuous right now. Historically tenuous.

There are currently 220 House Republicans and 213 Democrats. That’s a 3-vote margin. Rep. Hal Rogers (R-Ky.), the dean of the House, is expected to be out this week following a car accident. House Majority Leader Steve Scalise is also out while recovering from a stem-cell transplant. That leaves 218 GOP lawmakers available to vote, just a 2-vote margin, and Rep. Bill Johnson (R-Ohio) is leaving Congress next week. That’s a bare-bone majority. Yikes.

 

[Wally Fairway 5,677]

I feel like someone was bumped up from the kids table to the adult table, and they can't figure out the conversation sitting there.
And even worse, this dolt is now 2nd in line behind only Kamala Harris to sit at the head of the adult table.

And here we all are waiting to see if they can fund the government by the end of week, and mabye they can slip some cash to Ukraine to prop them up for a bit longer. 
Methinks that Russia and also China are rethinking the strategy if the USA decides halt funding opposition to tyranny.

[atomheartbevo 90,663]

6 hours ago, Wally Fairway said:

And here we all are waiting to see if they can fund the government by the end of week

Senate Republicans have been pressuring Johnson and Co. to do something, and he seems pretty fucking impotent right now.

And yeah, polls show that people tend to blame Republicans for government shutdowns because, oh, I don't know, Republicans in the House are out there publicly bragging about shutting down the government...

Great timing as well - just as tax season is kicking into full swing (although it supposedly won't affect returns already filed).

My gut says there's probably quite a few House Republicans that wish the Democrats were in charge of the House right now so that things wouldn't shut down and they wouldn't have to deal with the drama around Johnson, and could instead focus on the important issues like going on Fox News and bitching about Democrats.  

[The Dog 44,862]

[BamaATL 16,593]

2 hours ago, The Dog said:

It's sort of amazing how he manages to both physically embody the look of someone woefully out of their depth while at the same time actually being someone woefully out of their depth.  

It's sort of like in Twins, when its explained that Arnold is the superhuman and Danny Devito is explained that he is just the shit left over.  Mike Johnson is the just the shit left over.  

I sincerely hope that's how he's remembered, as left over garbage who somehow fell into a this level of prominence only to be remembered as a punchline and a minor shitstain on history.  

[Fastbreak 4,056]

On 12/9/2023 at 12:19 PM, atomheartbevo said:

People pray for some really tacky shit as well, stuff that, if you follow the Bible, is not Biblical or related to Heaven at all, in addition to all of the normal stuff.  

Examples:

• Praying to win the lottery
• Praying your boss keels over
• Being thankful that you were readily accepted into the neighborhood you moved into 6 years ago
• Praying that some relative gets better from some illness
• Praying that 7 women who live within 5-10 blocks of your house will keep their mouths shut
• Being thankful that your kid wants to go to the same university you did (or praying that the will want to)
• Praying your favorite sports team wins a game, even as the other team's fans also pray that their team wins
• Praying that 7 dads who live within 5-10 blocks of your house don't realize that their kids who are 5 and under all seem to resemble you in some way
• Praying that bad things will happen to bad people
• Praying that your boss doesn't realize you don't deserve a raise
• Being thankful that things worked out for your parents so that you don't have to deal with something
• etc.

if god is all knowing, then why do people have to pray?  He already knows how it's going to work out, he doesn't need to hear your bullshit...

Edited February 28 by Fastbreak

[CTC2 2,865]

I think he is compromised and his direct order is to kill Ukraine funding. 

[atomheartbevo 90,663]

9 minutes ago, CTC2 said:

I think he is compromised and his direct order is to kill Ukraine funding. 

[hayden_horn 11,402]

 

 

8 hours ago, CTC2 said:

I think he is compromised and his direct order is to kill Ukraine funding. 

just him?

follow that russian nra money yall

[Js1 87,210]

Just now, hayden_horn said:

 

 

just him?

follow that russian nra money yall

Also the hard drive in Moscow where the RNC emails are stored.

[Red Five 41,757]

8 hours ago, Fastbreak said:

if god is all knowing, then why do people have to pray? 

Makes people feel better. The same reason they're religious in the first place. 

[DigglerontheHoof 21,557]

8 hours ago, Fastbreak said:

if god is all knowing, then why do people have to pray?  He already knows how it's going to work out, he doesn't need to hear your bullshit...

Because like dotard God needs constant praise and fealty, and after they pray and pray and beg and beg God to answer their prayers, God usually just ignores what they need and focuses on himself, again.   IOW, fuck you, pay me.  

[Wally Fairway 5,677]

3 hours ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

Because like dotard God needs constant praise and fealty, and after they pray and pray and beg and beg God to answer their prayers, God usually just ignores what they need and focuses on himself, again.   IOW, fuck you, pay me.  

LOL - now do confession, I mean God already knows, right?

[Wally Fairway 5,677]

12 hours ago, CTC2 said:

I think he is compromised and his direct order is to kill Ukraine funding. 

Wait - I just saw an article that the DOD still has $4 billion in Presidential drawdown authority, but it means sending US stockpiles from reserves and they want assurances it will be reimbursed/replentished. So there is gamesmanship in this for all. 

I wish our politicians could get away from having to pass Omnibus funding and legislation, and become adults and pass individual items (or at least groups of related items) 
OMG - I must be a fool to think that could ever happen.

['stache 22,145]

Isn’t he doing exactly what he was supposed to do when elected speaker? Do nothing, let Russia win, shut down the government, and blame Biden. Pass only red meat virtue signaling bills that have no shot in the senate and impeach everyone over policy disagreements

“The  government shut down because Biden is letting rapists cross the border.” They aren’t even coy about it anymore, it’s exactly what republican voters are asking them to do.

[TheStoicPaisano 9,953]

 

[Pato del Muerto 53,546]

Biden was tardy!

[atomheartbevo 90,663]

I think they’ll boot him within a week or so.  He applauded too much early on.

[TexasEd 8,266]

The Senator Langford shot was awesome. “It’s true “

[tx ind 7,057]

18 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Biden was tardy!

Johnson: Nice of you to finally make it

Biden:  I was on pornhub and lost track of time

Johnson:

[PhillyD 1,316]

Placeholder.  Unless the other nuts talk spork foot off the ledge, we will be back here in a couple of weeks.

[kevwun 16,442]

This time would get real interesting with the Republicans who have announced their retirement because of the clownshow.

[Biff Tannen 46,175]

Every time this thread is bumped I laugh.  They are just such idiots.  Most dysfunctional majority in history.

[Satchel 6,982]

Another House Republican Is Resigning—Narrowing GOP Edge To One Seat

Rep. Mike Gallagher, R-Wisc., is resigning from Congress effective April 19, he announced Friday—delivering a major blow to the Republican conference’s slim majority that has shrunk as former President Donald Trump’s ideological allies have overtaken the GOP.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/saradorn/2024/03/22/another-house-republican-is-resigning-narrowing-gop-edge-to-one-seat/?sh=46f2a4ee2852

 

[Pods 7,637]

Nobody wants to work anymore. 

[dcbc 14,644]

All I can think is

 

[atomheartbevo 90,663]

2 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

Every time this thread is bumped I laugh.  They are just such idiots.  Most dysfunctional majority in history.

It really is stunning how incompetent the Republicans are - they are making the Democrats look very competent.

12 minutes ago, Pods said:

Nobody wants to work anymore. 

They don’t want to be tainted by whatever they perceive up is coming.  Whether that’s bigly losses in November, or something coming out in public, there are Republicans giving up their seats early because they are done with this shitshow.  Something has to be driving this other than dealing with the MAGA idiots.

[Sawbonz 28,233]

1 hour ago, Satchel said:

Another House Republican Is Resigning—Narrowing GOP Edge To One Seat

Rep. Mike Gallagher, R-Wisc., is resigning from Congress effective April 19, he announced Friday—delivering a major blow to the Republican conference’s slim majority that has shrunk as former President Donald Trump’s ideological allies have overtaken the GOP.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/saradorn/2024/03/22/another-house-republican-is-resigning-narrowing-gop-edge-to-one-seat/?sh=46f2a4ee2852

 

 

[chainsaw 10,298]