2023 Houston Texans Offseason - A Huge #2

[The Earl of Texas 3129]

A very, very sad #2 pick in the draft (and #12) and $48M in cap space, good for 7th most available cap space. That is some serious gunpowder to work with. Need to nail the hell out of this draft, and bring in a coach for whom big free agents are willing to play.

Lovie is gone for sure, hopefully Caserio too although if we retain him it would be not be egregious. He was handed what was at the time as big of a personnel and draft mess as anyone, but if we had the chance to go get someone much more proven that is the way to go. Look no further than Astros or Rockets as Luhnow and Morey picked up garbage and turned it into gold (Luhnow via some serious tanking I might add, in years where fans were constantly saying he should be fired). If Manning (unproved yes, but obviously has pedigree to be great) really wants to be a GM, we should probably be calling him and ringing his doorbell every day until he files for a restraining order.

So, to review for the offseason:

New coach

New GM

New owner

New players

New name & logo

New uniforms

Hire Joel Osteen

[The Earl of Texas 3129]

Thoughts on the draft:

• Yes, horrible to choke away #1 pick, no sugar coating that.
• Chicago is highly unlikely to go away from Fields in this draft, but if they did or if they trade the pick, this just feels like one of those drafts where Bryce Young is everyone's favorite and CJ Stroud ends up being the better pick. Or Levis from UK or Hendon Hooker from Tennessee, or whoever. Plenty of guys from those profiles have gone on to succeed in the NFL after being highly questioned during the draft process.
• Not going QB at all would be fine with me. Plenty of rebuilds have involved drafting great linemen and signing proven FA talent for QB, or securing them in lower rounds. Not taking a QB at #2 or #12 is not make or break. Aaron Rodgers sat in the green room forever. Russell Wilson was a third round pick. Jake Delhomme and Kurt Warner went undrafted. Tale as old as time. Peter Skoronski out of Northwestern manned LT in a good pass-rush conference and dominated. Maybe you take him and move on from Tunsil. Get Tyree Wilson from Tech or QJ from TCU at #12 if still available. Lots of ways this could go.
• At this time, there is no true gamebreaker that is apparent for the draft. This could cause Chicago issues with moving the pick. Will Anderson Jr may be worth moving up for, but will anyone give up a fortune to take Bryce Young or Jalen Carter or Bryan Bresee? Seems unlikely - but the NFL is an environment where anything can and will happen.

Edited January 9, 2023 by The Earl of Texas

[billfromlaketravis 11301]

I’d go Will Anderson at 2. Hooker or Levis at 12. 

[tx 3 putt 75850]

12 minutes ago, billfromlaketravis said:

I’d go Will Anderson at 2. Hooker or Levis at 12. 

I agree 100% on Anderson 

I’d go top WR at next pick and count on a qb slipping into the 2nd 

[TonyTexas 10458]

Very good thread title. 

[Harrison Stafford 3322]

If Bryce Young is available, take him at #2.  If Will Anderson is available, take him at #2.  If they’re both available at #2, take Young.

[tx ind 6950]

The way things are going they’ll be late turning in the pick and drop to #3.

[Ignatius 3987]

Nobody outside of Young, Anderson, Carter, or Stroud should be considered at #2. That’s the order I’d put them in, though I could also see taking Carter over Anderson. I wouldn’t take Stroud at #2, but then I thought Buffalo was insane for taking Josh Allen where they did…

[Zeus 5896]

Fuck the Toxins

Hope they stay away from Texas guys

 

 

[Zeus 5896]

1 hour ago, The Earl of Texas said:

A very, very sad #2 pick in the draft (and #12) and $48M in cap space, good for 7th most available cap space. That is some serious gunpowder to work with. Need to nail the hell out of this draft, and bring in a coach for whom big free agents are willing to play.

Lovie is gone for sure, hopefully Caserio too although if we retain him it would be not be egregious. He was handed what was at the time as big of a personnel and draft mess as anyone, but if we had the chance to go get someone much more proven that is the way to go. Look no further than Astros or Rockets as Luhnow and Morey picked up garbage and turned it into gold (Luhnow via some serious tanking I might add, in years where fans were constantly saying he should be fired). If Manning (unproved yes, but obviously has pedigree to be great) really wants to be a GM, we should probably be calling him and ringing his doorbell every day until he files for a restraining order.

So, to review for the offseason:

New coach

New GM

New owner

New players

New name & logo

New uniforms

Hire Joel Osteen

 

New coach

Lulz no

New GM

Lulz

New owner

Ya rite 

New players

Probably crappy ones

New name & logo

Houston hurricanes?

Nah

New uniforms

Nope

Hire Joel Osteen

Probably would over pay for him

[tx 3 putt 75850]

Lovie Smith fired 

[Harrison Stafford 3322]

That’s a start.

[tx 3 putt 75850]

3 minutes ago, Harrison Stafford said:

That’s a start.

Unless they fire casserio, it’s a dumb move 

Edited January 9, 2023 by tx 3 putt

[tx 3 putt 75850]

[billfromlaketravis 11301]

So they probably told Lovie before the game, and he goes rogue. Perfect execution there Texans. 

[Murfdogg21 4398]

19 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

Unless they fire casserio, it’s a dumb move 

The dumber move was promoting Lovie to HC last year instead of hiring someone that might actually grow with the program. The dumberer move was firing Culley if they knew they were going to be tanking again anyway. Now it’s 4 different coaches in 4 consecutive years, and if Caserio makes the hire then gets fired, the next GM will want to bring in another new HC he picks. 

[tx ind 6950]

What coach worth a shit would even pick up the phone?

[tx 3 putt 75850]

at what point does the nfl step in, 3 head coaches in 3 years ?

cal keeps wasting his mom's money 

[Nicole44 21988]

55 minutes ago, tx ind said:

What coach worth a shit would even pick up the phone?

This ginger is locked and loaded and ready to roll. He has practice dealing with shitty owners. 

[APMP 684]

Bienemy or bust.

[Fastbreak 3932]

What coach worth a shit would even pick up the phone?

[Jimbaround 972]

As much as I would like to enjoy rooting for the Texans I have no hope for Cal and his clown show to not fuck this up.

[Rockethorn1978 6060]

1 hour ago, Fastbreak said:

[Pam Cummings 9472]

Lmao, what a dumb franchise. They can't even lose properly. Guarantee they hire McCown and continue to suck and give their fanbase a huge middle finger and more reasons not to come view their shitty product.

[Domedriver 655]

When you said #2, I thought you meant a big huge smelly dump of shite!  Actually that is what it is…

[Texzilla58 4697]

Bienemy or bust.

Someone will mention this to Caserio and they’ll mistakenly call Bielema.

[The Earl of Texas 3129]

Well, that’s that. Let’s hope Nick is up for the HC hire and draft.

[TexArcher 37372]

I fully expect the Texans to trade the #2 pick for a 5th rounder and a crate of Bibles.

[Chuckie Finster 22553]

I know initial rumors rarely transpire, but the two names being floated are Jonathan Gannon and Ben Johnson.  Eagles fans desperately want Gannon to leave while Lions fans desperately want Johnson to get a lifetime contract.  Using that judgement, Gannon is a lock.

[The Earl of Texas 3129]

Philly fans want to oust the guy who oversaw the defense that gave up second fewest yards per game, third smallest QBR on season, generated the most sacks, and gave up 20 PPG? Jesus… tough crowd.

I don’t want Gannon if DeMeco or Johnson are available, but that’s absurd.

[SimkinsMan 4262]

First of all, I wish they would fire Caserio, who is too closely aligned to Preacher Easterby for me.

Second, this is just about the perfect thread title.

[6th Street 6324]

These guys can't even lose properly. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8791]

What coach worth a shit would even pick up the phone?

Nathaniel Hackett, Vic Fangio, Mike Zimmer, Charles Nagy, Frank Reich, Brian Flores,

[TejasPedro 1849]

Rename the Texans, that franchise is cursed. Houston needs to demand the Titans give up the Oilers Name.

Just rename them something, anything else besides Texans. That was a horrible name to begin with. 

Roughnecks, Toros, were good options. After the Houston Taqueria incident, hell, rename them the Vigilantes, or the Mero Mero Chingons 

[tx 3 putt 75850]

It’ll be Gannon and he’ll be forced to hire mcnown as his OC. unless casserio just goes straight to mccown 

[Jshep34 2297]

Houston Flying Chanclas

[Macklemore 2878]

22 minutes ago, TejasPedro said:

Rename the Texans, that franchise is cursed. Houston needs to demand the Titans give up the Oilers Name.

Just rename them something, anything else besides Texans. That was a horrible name to begin with. 

Roughnecks, Toros, were good options. After the Houston Taqueria incident, hell, rename them the Vigilantes, or the Mero Mero Chingons 

Bud’s heirs are petty assholes like their father and would never give us the name back IMO. If I was Cal, I would make a monetary offer to buy the name but also the olive branch of creating a Texans/Oilers Hall of Fame with a section honoring Bud a a pioneer in starting the AFL and being the first to bring pro football to Houston. That would be an olive branch that would help heal the wounds.

If we can’t get the Oilers name back I like Apollos. Stick with the space theme or other teams use.

Edited January 9, 2023 by Macklemore

[MonkeyDoughnut 10059]

Bienemy or Kingsbury (assuming will be let go)

[Js1 84935]

26 minutes ago, TejasPedro said:

Rename the Texans, that franchise is cursed. Houston needs to demand the Titans give up the Oilers Name.

Just rename them something, anything else besides Texans. That was a horrible name to begin with. 

Roughnecks, Toros, were good options. After the Houston Taqueria incident, hell, rename them the Vigilantes, or the Mero Mero Chingons 

It should have always been space themed.  Rockets, Astros, Comets....Texans.  Fucking dumb. 

[HtownHorn 14365]

Lovie Smith fired. Didn't even make it to #BlackMonday.

 

Hopefully with Wormtail out of the organization, McCown is no longer a legitimate candidate.

Edited January 9, 2023 by HtownHorn

[TejasPedro 1849]

Something tells me some Aggie Shenanigans may come into play. Like Jimbo Fisher to the Texans. 
It’s all just a money making scam. Dumb fans will keep buying the crap merchandise, making the Texans lucrative while not giving dos cacas about winning. See Cowboys and Jones’

[kingkoopa6 8282]

5 minutes ago, Js1 said:

It should have always been space themed.  Rockets, Astros, Comets....Texans.  Fucking dumb. 

Why were they named Texans? H had a good thing going there.

[IDIOTsavant 8429]

47 minutes ago, Js1 said:

It should have always been space themed.  Rockets, Astros, Comets....Texans.  Fucking dumb. 

Assteroids seems appropriate.

[Hook1997 5256]

How have the Texan’s had four head coaches in four years?  That seems like a recipe for disaster at any level of football.  Did they really expect Lovie to do anything with the players they have and no decent free agents wanting to play there?  

[TexArcher 37372]

54 minutes ago, Js1 said:

It should have always been space themed.  Rockets, Astros, Comets....Texans.  Fucking dumb. 

Agreed.

Although I did kinda like Houston Toros at the time.

[tx 3 putt 75850]

5 minutes ago, Hook1997 said:

How have the Texan’s had four head coaches in four years?  That seems like a recipe for disaster at any level of football.  Did they really expect Lovie to do anything with the players they have and no decent free agents wanting to play there?  

Cal’s mom has deep pockets 

[tx 3 putt 75850]

2 minutes ago, TexArcher said:

Agreed.

Although I did kinda like Houston Toros at the time.

[Brothahorn 10081]

at what point does the nfl step in, 3 head coaches in 3 years ?
cal keeps wasting his mom's money 

3.5, they had Chin and Grandpa Romeo in one season.


And it's a hard no on Bienemy. He keeps getting passed up for more than just one reason. Let him wait on Andy's job.

[Ignatius 3987]

4 hours ago, Pam Cummings said:

Lmao, what a dumb franchise. They can't even lose properly. Guarantee they hire McCown and continue to suck and give their fanbase a huge middle finger and more reasons not to come view their shitty product.

How much cash do you want to bet on hiring McCown?

[tx 3 putt 75850]

Oilers Hall of Fame where you can piss on bud Adam’s grave would be a huge hit !