Non Seasonal Family Insanity Thread

[UpperWestside 6189]

All of this stuff is show worthy. This is a Pandora’s Box of craziness that people would watch.

[RDCanecutter 26472]

11 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

You really need to write this as a thinly veiled work of Faulknerian/Flannery O'Connor fiction, preferably the latter.

Get @RDCanecutter to do the cover art and maybe some chapter illustrations.

I think we are distracted by the innate Southern US-ness of the OP... this all hits me as more northern, as in Northern Colombia, as in 100 Years of Solitude.

[henrygandorf 29194]

9 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

@henrygandorf can we get this guy a TV show?

I suggest the title "Hillbilly Roll"

or "forget paris".

[RDCanecutter 26472]

Bogata Girls go around the outside, round the outside, round the outside.

[gernblansten 3197]

12 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

It fell to me to call the Bogata girls today...Who are the Bogata girls? Our cousins from that little town in NE Texas near Paris. Three of them are the progeny of my grandfather's drunken brother's third and last marriage. Right out of UT he snared one of the richest women in Texas, had three kids with her, drank his way out of that marriage, briefly married a chick he met in AA, and then met the mother of the Bogata girls and started over.

She was a few years younger. She was a Highland Park and UT grad and a PiPhi and pretty hot. "Uncle" (as we knew him) had charisma. Somehow they wound up back in her mom's hometown of Bogata and he begat my Cousins R, P and S. And then their mom kicked him to the curb and she had cousinish J with the pot farming kingpin of Red River County.

All four of them would come down to Houston every now and then and they were like mirror images of us albeit with incredibly country accents. The three cousins all had an age-corresponding sister-aunt of mine, and Cousinish J was mine.

Fast-forward from childhood to college years. They all came down for my sister-aunt Li's wedding. And Cousinish J and I were reunited, and, well...

We fucked in at least three rooms in my grandparents' house post-reception. (I was on a hillbilly roll at the time -- I'd just had a wild fling with a second cousin on my other side of the family at a reunion mere weeks before.)

Fast forward again about 20 years....I went up to go visit the Bogata Girls. I was leaving the big house up there and Cousinish J came running after my car saying she was homeless for the night. So I agreed to take her to Paris and get her a room in the same motel where I was staying. Off to Paris we went. I got her into her room. Then a thunderstorm blew in. There was a tap-tap at my door.

Yep, Cousinish J. Y'all, life had not treated her well between that wedding and that night in Paris. She'd been rode hard and put away soaking-ass wet. But she insisted that she sleep in my bed with me and I let her. When I politely declined to give her the peen (I was also happily married at the time) she reminded me of Aunt Li's wedding night, and I told her "That was then and this is now, Cousinish J"

Along the way she let me know she was a Stevie Nicks fanatic, and so I've always taught my son, never get deeply involved with a chick named Rhiannon. (Because her mom is likely just like Cousinish J).

 

The Bogata girls, they wear them cut-off britches
And then skinny little halters and they're second cousins to me
Man, I dont care, I want to get between them
With a great big 'ol hard-on
Like an ol' Bodark fencepost
That you can hang a pipe rail gate from
Do some sister twisters till the cows come home
And we'll be having us a time

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

21 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

I think we are distracted by the innate Southern US-ness of the OP... this all hits me as more northern, as in Northern Colombia, as in 100 Years of Solitude.

I haven't even told the story about how my grandmother's grandfather and great-uncle roped a dying sperm by the fluke, dragged it into Port Arthur behind their tugboat, and put it on exhibition. "COME SEE THE PORT ARTHUR LEVIATHAN". Special trains were put on all the way to Tennessee. They made a fortune at a quarter a pop. Nature took its course and the whale died, and then turned. The stench was unbearable so the show closed, but the uncles had a new plan -- they called in a taxidermist from Houston. They then planned to take the stuffed whale all through America via the river system. The tour was a massive flop and they lost all the money they'd made from the exhibit and the sale of whale oil.

Reminds me of a John Prine song ("Sabu Visits the Twin Cities Alone"): 

Sabu was sad, the whole tour stunk
The airlines lost the elephant's trunk
The roadie got the rabies and the scabies and the flu
They was low on morale, but they was high on glue

To cut their losses, they sold what was left of the Port Arthur Leviathan to a carnival in Memphis. The operator kept only the head, which was repurposed as an ice cream parlor. Then the whole carnival was swept away in a fire. 

But I think our family still has the record for biggest "fish" in Gulf of Mexico history. Sucker was 60-80 tons. 

I heard that story from my grandmother as a small child and years later thought I'd dreamed the whole thing, or that she'd just made it up, but you can read all about it. 

Spoiler

Reprinted from Beaumont Enterprise, Saturday March 6, 1999.

NEDERLAND—On March 10, 1910, the strangest sight ever to be witnessed in the ship channel arrived in Port Arthur. The steam tugboat Florida towed a sperm whale, 63 feet long and 65 tons of weight, to town to be put on display.

Two days earlier, Capts. Cott and Fred Plummer had found "Moby Dick" ensnared in the ‘oil pond,’ and after a difficult struggle, they succeeded in looping an 8-inch hawser around the whale’s giant fluke.

News of the whale’s capture, the biggest fish story ever hatched in Texas, spread like wildfire across the nation, as telegraph keys spread the story to newspapers everywhere. One newspaper reported that "Jonah was found at the wheel and had been ticketed for not having a valid pilot’s license."

Port Arthur’s Board of Trade realized the whale could become a financial bonanza. They purchased huge amounts of food and supplies from Houston; they also encouraged five railroads to promote excursion trains to Port Arthur from all points within 300 miles.

The Board of Trade tugged the whale carcass out of the water so all of it would be on display. They installed electric lights, pumped tons of preservatives into the whale, and after its vital organs had been removed, filled the whale’s interior with tons of ice to retard putrefaction.

Trains began arriving the next day, and on Sunday, 14 trains arrived, carrying 11,000 people. Thousands more arrived by boat or any wheeled conveyance, pushing the daily total beyond 20,000.

Finally the number of long excursion trains reached 20 daily, and still a quarter-million would-be passengers were left stranded in depots everywhere. On Monday, pastors complained because one whale had emptied the churches throughout the Southwest.

Every train had standing room only, and Port Arthur was able to accommodate the crowds only minimally.

By Friday, "Moby Dick" was becoming quite smelly. A newspaper reported that the crowds still flocked to Port Arthur despite the smell, and that "everybody had a stinking good time" by holding handkerchiefs over noses.

After ten days, "Moby Dick" was declared a public health hazard, and the odorous whale was tugged back aboard a barge to remove it from town. About 300 barrels of whale oil and 26 barrels of sperm oil were rendered from its blubber.

"Moby Dick" provided a $1,000,000 gratuity for the people of Port Arthur, and added an equal amount to the coffers of the railroads. A 300-mile rail trip often meant 36 hours of standing in a rail car, and if lucky, a few bites to eat.

Eventually the Plummer Brothers stuffed "Moby Dick’s" hide with hay and displayed the whale and barge in several coastal cities. A year later the whale display caught fire in Memphis and was destroyed.

Later a friend questioned whether 36 hours of utter discomfort while standing on a train was worth it. He added though, that in those days, one could visit the big tent of Ringling Brothers circus every year in Beaumont, whereas "Moby Dick" only came once to Port Arthur.

 

7 minutes ago, gernblansten said:

The Bogata girls, they wear them cut-off britches
And then skinny little halters and they're second cousins to me
Man, I dont care, I want to get between them
With a great big 'ol hard-on
Like an ol' Bodark fencepost
That you can hang a pipe rail gate from
Do some sister twisters till the cows come home
And we'll be having us a time

Yes on that excursion that song was played more than once. 

[UpperWestside 6189]

Keep the stories coming. Someone here start documenting all this and figure out how to make it into a series. 

[RPM 26353]

It's hilarious how family members you told to fuck off 30 years ago show up all smiles and caring when they find out you had a medical event.

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

15 minutes ago, gernblansten said:

The Bogata girls, they wear them cut-off britches
And then skinny little halters and they're second cousins to me
Man, I dont care, I want to get between them
With a great big 'ol hard-on
Like an ol' Bodark fencepost
That you can hang a pipe rail gate from
Do some sister twisters till the cows come home
And we'll be having us a time

Oh and out that bunch, Cousin R is yet another lesbian in the family. At one time I wouldn't have minded getting between Cousin P and Cousinish J though. 

[Pato del Muerto 52597]

25 minutes ago, gernblansten said:

The Bogata girls, they wear them cut-off britches
And then skinny little halters and they're second cousins to me
Man, I dont care, I want to get between them
With a great big 'ol hard-on
Like an ol' Bodark fencepost
That you can hang a pipe rail gate from
Do some sister twisters till the cows come home
And we'll be having us a time

Bois d’arc

[RDCanecutter 26472]

14 minutes ago, UpperWestside said:

Keep the stories coming. Someone here start documenting all this and figure out how to make it into a series. 

According to Surly Lore, wealth is obtained by printing things on tshirts. Wealth such as only tshirt printers know.

[Hpara759 1780]

12 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

It fell to me to call the Bogata girls today...Who are the Bogata girls? Our cousins from that little town in NE Texas near Paris. Three of them are the progeny of my grandfather's drunken brother's third and last marriage. Right out of UT he snared one of the richest women in Texas, had three kids with her, drank his way out of that marriage, briefly married a chick he met in AA, and then met the mother of the Bogata girls and started over.

She was a few years younger. She was a Highland Park and UT grad and a PiPhi and pretty hot. "Uncle" (as we knew him) had charisma. Somehow they wound up back in her mom's hometown of Bogata and he begat my Cousins R, P and S. And then their mom kicked him to the curb and she had cousinish J with the pot farming kingpin of Red River County.

All four of them would come down to Houston every now and then and they were like mirror images of us albeit with incredibly country accents. The three cousins all had an age-corresponding sister-aunt of mine, and Cousinish J was mine.

Fast-forward from childhood to college years. They all came down for my sister-aunt Li's wedding. And Cousinish J and I were reunited, and, well...

We fucked in at least three rooms in my grandparents' house post-reception. (I was on a hillbilly roll at the time -- I'd just had a wild fling with a second cousin on my other side of the family at a reunion mere weeks before.)

Fast forward again about 20 years....I went up to go visit the Bogata Girls. I was leaving the big house up there and Cousinish J came running after my car saying she was homeless for the night. So I agreed to take her to Paris and get her a room in the same motel where I was staying. Off to Paris we went. I got her into her room. Then a thunderstorm blew in. There was a tap-tap at my door.

Yep, Cousinish J. Y'all, life had not treated her well between that wedding and that night in Paris. She'd been rode hard and put away soaking-ass wet. But she insisted that she sleep in my bed with me and I let her. When I politely declined to give her the peen (I was also happily married at the time) she reminded me of Aunt Li's wedding night, and I told her "That was then and this is now, Cousinish J"

Along the way she let me know she was a Stevie Nicks fanatic, and so I've always taught my son, never get deeply involved with a chick named Rhiannon. (Because her mom is likely just like Cousinish J).

 

 

[RDCanecutter 26472]

16 minutes ago, RPM said:

It's hilarious how family members you told to fuck off 30 years ago show up all smiles and caring when they find out you had a medical event.

Or they get mad because you didn't tell them. Maybe because

A. You don't think about it all the time, and

B. Even if you did, you don't need a 30-minute Community Theater King James Impersonation prayer over the phone while you want to go back to watching porn.

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

RD, I think you'll like this: the founders of Bogata intended to name it after Bogota, Colombia, but missed the mark with the spelling. And the locals pronounce it B'goda. 

[Nuge 1986]

My family is so boring.

[RDCanecutter 26472]

3 minutes ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

RD, I think you'll like this: the founders of Bogata intended to name it after Bogota, Colombia, but missed the mark with the spelling. And the locals pronounce it B'goda. 

Musta GTT'd from Benevola, Alabama.

Young RD: "Is this the way to BeNEvola?"

Local: "Yew mean BEAN-uh VOHL-uh?"

[deadshank 24653]

Abe B’Goda 

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

 

I had another cousin whose name was Zachary Zachary. Your read that right. (He died young, and I think changed one of his names.)

Anyway, he stayed with is for about a week one summer about 1981 at the same time the Bogata girls were in town. 

He was from Brownsville and had really good taste in music. He was way into the B-52s years before it was cool.

He also was kind of a stoner. And he'd call back down to the Valley often, and we'd listen in. (Rotary phones -- you removed the mouthpiece so the other party couldn't hear you were tapping their calls)

He never knew he had an audience of about eight of us in another part of the house as he told his party-hearty buds he couldn't get along with us because we were too much "the executive type." (None of us was older than about 18 at the time.) Nevertheless, we were the "executive type."

And he went on to spin a tale about how he'd walked down to the nearest U-Tote-M and scored some psychedelics.

"Y'all know what I mean," he told his Brownsville buddy. "Ell. Ess. Dee. Acid, man."

We were in stitches, listening in, and all of poor Zachary Zachary's private moments became inside jokes we told for decades, and, in fact still do. To this day, "the executive type" and "ell. ess. dee." can make us laugh.

[SHOOTER12 8828]

Just woke up from a long nap earlier, started reading this thread and am now wondering if someone gave me ell ess dee while I was ass leap.

Edited January 25, 2023 by SHOOTER12

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

One reason I believe ol' cumface Cousin Sh might have been lying about whose cum was on her face: one time when were all at Mass she let rip a tremendous fart and when everyone turned around, she pointed right straight at the very same Aunt Li who years later was fool enough to take her in post-carnie interlude. Like I said, Aunt Li is loyal to a fault, especially regarding family.

[mchookem 16385]

i feel like everybody is understandably too awestruck to post the obvious, allow me...

Edited January 18, 2023 by mchookem

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

I never got to meet my grandfather's drunk brother, the father of the Bogata Girls and the grandfather (through his first wife) of two hot sisters. If only it had been one of them at Aunt Li's wedding instead of Cousinish J....dang.

Anyway, my grandmother put the kibosh on visits to "Uncle" (as. we called him) forevermore after this incident:

Some time in the late 60s, my grandparents and all their kids were visiting him as he was on his deep, dark death spiral. The kids were all runnnig around the house while the adults were in the living room, Uncle, as ever, nipping on an ice tea tumbler full of whiskey. So the story goes, a rat was bold enough to come in the room while they were all in there. My grandmother screamed. Uncle shrugged, leaned over to a little table next to his easy chair, opened a drawer, and pulled out a 22 pistol. CRACK. No more rat. Those WWII vets did not play.

He thought it was hilarious, but my grandmother did not, not with all her kids running around. And so Uncle was persona au gratin* forevermore.

 

*Yes, I know it's "non grata."

 

Edited January 19, 2023 by MaybeACoordinator

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

Meet the kid who would grow up to become Captain Howard (X), my grandmother's dad. He's about 16 in this pic -- he lied about his age to join the Navy in time for World War I. (In World War 2, he commanded a minesweeper that hit one off Anzio and sank. He survived along with most of the crew.)

Anyway, also around this time, probably with his navy money, he hit up a whorehouse near the port of Beaumont and tapped some ass. He liked one of them so much, he hauled her up into the Big Thicket and married her. Some town up there -- I think Kountze -- was notorious at the time for giving marriage licenses to anyone with the cash.

Their domestic bliss was short-lived. His parents extracted him from the whore's clutches and had the marriage annulled and he went off to war. He was from a fourth-gen sailor and from Sabine Pass, a town so sorry (after numerous hurricanes) it's been annexed by Port Arthur.

I think he's worthy of Surly Hero status. @NeverMarryAStripper might agree.

 

Edited January 19, 2023 by MaybeACoordinator

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

My writings on social media have attracted some long-lost cousins. The BMT wing remarried into Cajuns so these two sisters have extremely coonass names. (The Eve on our line was another coonass). Anyway it was so cool to find these long lost cousins. One of them is a yoga instructor up in Long Island, another is an attorney who used to work for JIM ADLER THE TEXAS HAMMER, and a third was yet another Sabine River pilot (and an in-law)....Only it turns out, as I learned over the course of the day, after I'd friended him, and he volunteered to send me a box of Sabine River Pilots' Association swag, that he routinely cheated on and/or beat the stuffing out of Texas Hammer cousin...So I quickly blocked his sorry ass and probably won't be getting my swag, lol.

There seems to have been a feud between these branches of our family dating back to about 1940...One of that branch was mayor of Beaumont and I NEVER heard about him in spite of the fact that my grandmother and her aunt loved to tout their illustrious relatives...But not a word about this mayor.

So I told new Cousin Co about all this and she just said that's the way we are now and have always been. Lifelong grudges and neverending feuds. 

 

[RDCanecutter 26472]

16 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

Lifelong grudges and neverending feuds. 

Would be a good hook line in 3/4 time.

[Post Oak 20268]

I fucking love and respect a good grudge

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

Graveside ceremony is today. There would be drama if any of were going, but we are not, and not out of disrespect for our matriarch....Just reasons. I think there will be three people plus the priest, unless one of "those bitches" cheats on the no grandkids rule. 

[Celery Man 20996]

On 1/19/2023 at 6:21 AM, MaybeACoordinator said:

Meet the kid who would grow up to become Captain Howard (X), my grandmother's dad. He's about 16 in this pic -- he lied about his age to join the Navy in time for World War I. (In World War 2, he commanded a minesweeper that hit one off Anzio and sank. He survived along with most of the crew.)

Anyway, also around this time, probably with his navy money, he hit up a whorehouse near the port of Beaumont and tapped some ass. He liked one of them so much, he hauled her up into the Big Thicket and married her. Some town up there -- I think Kountze -- was notorious at the time for giving marriage licenses to anyone with the cash.

Their domestic bliss was short-lived. His parents extracted him from the whore's clutches and had the marriage annulled and he went off to war. He was from a fourth-gen sailor and from Sabine Pass, a town so sorry (after numerous hurricanes) it's been annexed by Port Arthur.

I think he's worthy of Surly Hero status. @NeverMarryAStripper might agree.

 

your great grandmother sounds like a whore?

[burntorangebongos 10752]

Why is he wearing eyeliner? Sailors man.

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

3 hours ago, burntorangebongos said:

Why is he wearing eyeliner? Sailors man.

It's not gay if we're underway...rum, sodomy and the lash...Roger the cabin boy, etc....

Edited January 24, 2023 by MaybeACoordinator

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

11 hours ago, Celery Man said:

your great grandmother sounds like a whore?

No, that marriage was ended by his parents...Although it's possible he might have impregnated her first. 

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

To understand our family you have to know about The Fire. Happened about 1951 in Port Arthur. After having three kids -- inluding Aunt J, the one with fetal alcohol syndrome -- they got a chance to take a break and go to New Orleans. My grandmother's dad -- the young sailor pictured above -- had returned from the war with undiagnosed PTSD and a nasty case of alcoholism. So, anyway, my mom, uncle and aunt J were left in his care while they went off to NOLA....and he had a little backyard cookout. He warned my uncle and mom not to touch the can of gas he left near the BBQ pit for some reason, but they did anyway while his back was turned, and basically napalmed themselves almost to death. Mama spent months on a morphine drip as a toddler, so when she got ahold of some recreational heroin years later (courtesy of a GI in Nam) it constituted a relapse. Her brain was rewired back to how it had been as a toddler in the burns ward. 

I just discovered this declassified pic of what my great-grandfather had gone through. This happened off Anzio. Somewhere amid all that smoke and flame is the minesweeper he commanded. He might be in the pic -- I heard he was blown fifty feet clear of the bridge and all his uniform was incinerated. After recuperating he was given command of a tanker in the Pacific Fleet. But anyway....

Fuck all Nazis and Fascists 

No CR, motherfuckers. 

Edited January 24, 2023 by MaybeACoordinator

[ImissWallyPryor 9046]

Judging from this level 12 family story along with my wife’s extending Texas family and the holiday family threads on Surly, I have come to conclusions:

1) There are a ton of Texas families that are dysfunctional on a whole ‘nuther level.

2) Hollywood writers should read Surly for its treasure trove of plot ideas.

3) We have no right to make fun of Ohio. 

[ABSR 5324]

12 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

I just discovered this declassified pic of what my great-grandfather had gone through. This happened off Anzio. Somewhere amid all that smoke and flame is the minesweeper he commanded. He might be in the pic -- I heard he was blown fifty feet clear of the bridge and all his uniform was incinerated. After recuperating he was given command of a tanker in the Pacific Fleet. But anyway....

 

This is not how minesweepers are suppose to clear mines.

[Guadaloopy 11013]

16 minutes ago, ABSR said:

This is not how minesweepers are suppose to clear mines.

Every ship can be a minesweeper... once.

[BearSchlong 8114]

Graveside ceremony is today. There would be drama if any of were going, but we are not, and not out of disrespect for our matriarch....Just reasons. I think there will be three people plus the priest, unless one of "those bitches" cheats on the no grandkids rule. 

Dang it! I wanted to go.

Thoughts and prayers?

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

11 hours ago, ABSR said:

This is not how minesweepers are suppose to clear mines.

Some JAG had a hard-on for him....there was an inquiry into the loss of the Portent (aka the USS Yallareallgonnadie) and Capt. Howard's role in it....Typical Navy BS, going back to Royal Navy days. Thankfully the judge ruled that it was understandable for a minesweeper to hit a mine during the ordinary course of a massive land-sea invasion, and so his Navy career was spared.

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

Aunt E is married to uncle-in-law V. He's a Swiss national but his dad was some famous French broadcaster and his mom a hot Afro-Nicaraguan. Those two broke up and she left little V with her next boyfriend's parents like a cowbird lays its eggs..He just kinda looks like a French dude but he's about a quarter Black, and his mom and her family are instantly recognizable as Black...My grandfather was kinda racist but he took it all in stride, mostly 'cause V's mom was / is very intimidating. Drinks straight rum and smokes little hand-rolled cigars.

Anyway E and V's daughther Cousin K grew up as a privileged white girl in Houston, but when it came time for college Aunt E checked off the "Latina" box on her college application to a fancy school up north. She got in.

As for the rest of us, we were furious that Aunt E did that without throwing a quinceanera, 

[CooterBrown 18028]

Henry Gandorf could probably get your stories turned into a Netflix limited series.

[Armybrat 40908]

On 1/24/2023 at 8:07 AM, ImissWallyPryor said:

Judging from this level 12 family story along with my wife’s extending Texas family and the holiday family threads on Surly, I have come to conclusions:

1) There are a ton of Texas families that are dysfunctional on a whole ‘nuther level.

2) Hollywood writers should read Surly for its treasure trove of plot ideas.

3) We have no right to make fun of Ohio. 

Just don’t get started with the infamous Texas BBQ families.

23 hours ago, ABSR said:

This is not how minesweepers are suppose to clear mines.

I dunno, he did a bang-up job there.

[OWLVIS 561]

Forgive me my response is going to contain plenty of typos and missed punctuation but I am still suffering the effects of my stroke 2 1/2 years ago.

 

I have a similar story of dysfunction within the family albeit with some significant differences mine is less gay and much poorer.

 

I come from a family of ministers both grandfathers all the uncles except one all the cousins older than me except one we're all Assembly of God or Pentecostal ministers in Texas, Arkansas eventually California . My mother is and was mentally ill and could not have children ..  so I was adopted I found out at 19 that I was the product of a rape and that's how I came into the world my family also dabbled in cult life during the 70s were a part of the Church of the Redeemer in Houston on the East End the pastor was Graham Pulkingham 60 minutes did a story on it t, here's been books written about it it kind of changed the way churches operate.

I don't think it's generally accepted or recognized as a cult but trust me as someone that was in it it was a cult from the ages of 7 to 15 my mother gave me away to several other families within the church one of it which was a family that was dominated by child molestation drunken beatings pretty much the worst of the worst

I think my aunts and uncles and cousins all had perhaps a more stable upbringing that I did because the mental illness wasn't a part of their day-to-day lives but it definitely separated our core family from the rest of the extended family . I know them but I really have no relationship with any of them 2 1/2 years ago when I had my stroke at the beginning of the pandemic I was forced to sign over power of attorney to the only person that could do it now was my sister within 10 days of my stroke not even out of the hospital and not yet in rehab they put my house up for sale although my friends and colleagues had raised about 40k something dollars with a go fund me to help me with my recovery my sister spent all that money in making my house ready for sale buying new towels and flatware and table coverings because moving me into my new apartment she wanted me to be able to entertain elegantly I don't entertain in my home and if I were it would not be elegantly.

End result here 2 1/2 years later all my money is gone I still haven't been able to get consistent physical therapy I don't talk to any member of my family in fact I've not heard from one of them in the past year

 

but as far as I know none of us were  fucking each other. However I do have a lesbian cousin. 

 

As a spicy side note, my family did have some significant part in the founding of Lakewood church and the one black sheep uncle played music in music halls across East Texas and Louisiana including a couple of times with Hank Williams once owed a rosewood Les Paul.

No mineral rights 'tho.

[Celery Man 20996]

Everyone is mad that wife’s cousin got married and took his wife’s name. He lived with his girlfriend’s family for a lot of his teen years. It was weird when they broke up and she moved out but he stayed, but it turned out he was banging the mom, which everyone found out when she got pregnant and they married.

[CooterBrown 18028]

Everyone is mad that wife’s cousin got married and took his wife’s name. He lived with his girlfriend’s family for a lot of his teen years. It was weird when they broke up and she moved out but he stayed, but it turned out he was banging the mom, which everyone found out when she got pregnant and they married.

Banged the daughter and the mom?

[SHOOTER12 8828]

13 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:

Banged the daughter and the mom?

Hero material...

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

So back to dad....That GoFundMe he posted allegedly for me was basically a gigantic HIPPA violation that may well have wrecked my career forever...He set it up while I was briefly lucid between two comas and then wrote the message all on his own. I was furious when I came to and asked him why he had to do it when he did and the motherfucker said "Well, I've flown down here twice now and plane tickets aren't cheap these days." Beauty part -- one of those trips was already in the works anyway as he had two Houston gigs as part of his little singing career. (And now he's saying he flew down her four times and not two; witnesses say this is not true. And as the centerpiece of my GoFundMe page, he used a picture of himself looking sad rather a picture of me. To this day the page is listed as "For MaC, presented by MaC's dad. Other parties told him to change the picture and now it's of the two of us in happier times.)

It's always been that way...After he dropped me off with my grandparents for the second time, when I was in HS, he'd slot in visits to me between sticking his dick in my second stepmother and tending to his dying brother's affairs. And he would be drunk half the time and stoned all the time.

So we've been fighting and I sent him the painting attached -- Saturn Devouring His Son by Goya -- and it took him a couple of days of research, but he responded by filling me in on the rest of the story, the details I'd forgotten. Saturn later puked up his kids who then became gods, but one of the ingrateful bastards came back and chopped Saturn's dick off. 

"I hope you don't have something similar planned for me," he wrote.

OK that's kinda funny, but once again, it's all about him.

Edited January 26, 2023 by MaybeACoordinator

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

Thinking of Nam now....At first my dad was a young jarhead who wanted to enlist as a fighter pilot but he was turned down over his eyesight. And shortly after that, the drugs took hold -- he was at UT when it first became awash in the music of the 13th Floor Eelvators alongside pot and acid, and he partook of all extremely freely for years, and I think introduced my younger mom to it in Houston. (I was told by one of her old running buddies that she was tripping while delivering me. I am an Acid Baby)

Anyway dad continued in school. As soon as he'd get a degree (he has three) he'd get drafted again, and by this time he was anti-war. So the last time he got drafted, he took a hero dose of acid before getting processed in the old federal building in downtown Houston, same place Cassius Clay (as he was then known) refused to serve, and decades later, my son would take his oath to serve. 

So he recounted to me how he was in this long line of fellow draftees who were getting some kind of inoculation from a machine -- probably for tropical diseases. And he's there tripping balls and convinced himself they were all being administered "Vietnam Kill Juice." And so he had a panic attack and fainted in the line. He got 4-F'ed by an army shrink named Dr. Head an hour or so later, after he came back to conciousness. 

His gay brother was the braver of the two: he chose the conscientous objector path, with all the consequences that route came with. However it did work out pretty well for him in the end. He was fluent in French, so Uncle Sam dispatched him to Algeria or Morocco or somewhere like that to teach English via French....Talk about a kid in candy shop...To put it in straight dude terms, imagine being a 22-year-old teacher of English in Thailand or the Philippines. Mama told me Uncle returned from the war with forms of VD unknown to American science at the time. 

 

Edited January 26, 2023 by MaybeACoordinator

[RPM 26353]

[Gil Bang 26018]

I've got a doozy. 

I've been with the GF for 12 years or so.  We've been living together for 11 years or so, and, we are looked at by both families as if we were married. 

The GF is the oldest sibling.  She has a younger sister (middle) and a younger brother (the youngest).  The sister was married to a successful lawyer who's also a bad alcoholic.  Her two kids had the absolute best of everything...the finest  private schools, etc.  The older one, the boy, was extremely gifted...the daughter extremely hot.  The boy is now a 25 year-old loser druggie.  He's stolen from his mother, grandmother, etc.    He's a POS.

The daughter is doing "OK", but no better than that. 

Now, for GF's brother:  "Ken" for purposes of this story. He graduated college, and got a job on Wall Street.   He was having severe issues, and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He had brain surgery about 20 years ago (I'm guessing), and hasn't worked since.  He's fairly fucked up.  Has balance issues, etc.  He probably shouldn't have a driver's license, but he does. He lives off SSDI, and what money his mother gives him.

For the past 15 years or so, he's lived with "Mary" (in her small condo that she owns).  GF's dad died about 10 years ago, and left mom a ton of dough, but unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, they were living in a rental home (owned by the alcoholic lawyer).  The house was a POS, so mom bought a home in a retirement community about 50 miles north.  Since mom bought the house, Ken goes up every Saturday (on the train) and goes back to the Mary's place on Tuesday. 

Ken does not own a computer, and couldn't figure out to turn one on if his life depended on it.   He's got no email.  He has an iphone, but only uses it to talk and text.  No apps at  all.  Doesn't know how to use Uber.  Carries a paper train schedule.  A complete idiot when it comes to tech stuff.  And, he refuses to learn.  I've offered to help him set up email and teach him shit...he has no desire to learn anything.  We once had to send something over, and we had to email to Mary for her to print for him.  So she's aware of his tech limitations.

So, about 10 days ago, mom falls. She's alone at the time.  She gets up and shakes it off, and picks Ken up at the train station, seemingly fine.  The next day, she cannot get out of bed. This goes on for a couple of days, and GF says "fuck it, we're going down there".  "There" is S. Florida, BTW.  So, we catch an expensive flight and go there.  GF takes the fuck over, is calling doctors, etc, and gets mom in a different hospital. New hospital finds all kinds of damage that original hospital didn't find.   GF arranges for mom to move to a rehab place for a week or 10 days, and then to receive in-home care. 

It's noteworthy that Ken openly hates middle sister, so she stays the fuck away when he's around.  Otherwise, she could have handled this shit locally, and GF wouldn't have needed to go there. 

Anyway, we are at the house one night, and Ken says he's going out for a bit...at 10 PM.  It becomes obvious that he's got a side piece locally.  On one day, we tell Ken to stay home and take it easy, and we spend the day at the hospital.  Mary calls frantic that she can't reach Ken.  She's been calling for hours and she's worried.   I smell what's up so I send him a text that says "hey motherfucker, shit's hitting the fan, you need to surface".  He calls me shortly after and says hey fell asleep with the phone in the other room, etc bullshit etc.  Whatever. Not my fucking problem.  I'm wanting to get mom settled and on the right track care-wise. 

So, Mary calls GF back for a chat. She says "I know he's up to something/we haven't had sex in years, etc". 

It turns out that Mary thinks Ken is still a stockbroker.  A stockbroker without a computer or email.  She thinks that he goes into a local office near Mom's place every Monday.  GF says "how the fuck do you think a stockbroker can work with no tech skills at all?"  Mary says that Ken told her that he has underlings that do all the computer shit...he just makes "deals" over the phone.  She also asks GF if he really owns a rental unit in Manhattan. GF almost chokes.  He's been telling Mary all along that he bought an apartment and he's owned it all this time and has a property manager.  GF asks Mary if she's ever seen a single piece of mail from a property manager in NYC.  Silence on the line. 

So now, Mary's gonna give him the boot.  He'll be moving in with Mom full-time. 

TL/DR: GF's brother is a psycho liar and his long-time girlfriend is an idiot. 

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

22 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

I've got a doozy. 

I've been with the GF for 12 years or so.  We've been living together for 11 years or so, and, we are looked at by both families as if we were married. 

The GF is the oldest sibling.  She has a younger sister (middle) and a younger brother (the youngest).  The sister was married to a successful lawyer who's also a bad alcoholic.  Her two kids had the absolute best of everything...the finest  private schools, etc.  The older one, the boy, was extremely gifted...the daughter extremely hot.  The boy is now a 25 year-old loser druggie.  He's stolen from his mother, grandmother, etc.    He's a POS.

The daughter is doing "OK", but no better than that. 

Now, for GF's brother:  "Ken" for purposes of this story. He graduated college, and got a job on Wall Street.   He was having severe issues, and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He had brain surgery about 20 years ago (I'm guessing), and hasn't worked since.  He's fairly fucked up.  Has balance issues, etc.  He probably shouldn't have a driver's license, but he does. He lives off SSDI, and what money his mother gives him.

For the past 15 years or so, he's lived with "Mary" (in her small condo that she owns).  GF's dad died about 10 years ago, and left mom a ton of dough, but unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, they were living in a rental home (owned by the alcoholic lawyer).  The house was a POS, so mom bought a home in a retirement community about 50 miles north.  Since mom bought the house, Ken goes up every Saturday (on the train) and goes back to the Mary's place on Tuesday. 

Ken does not own a computer, and couldn't figure out to turn one on if his life depended on it.   He's got no email.  He has an iphone, but only uses it to talk and text.  No apps at  all.  Doesn't know how to use Uber.  Carries a paper train schedule.  A complete idiot when it comes to tech stuff.  And, he refuses to learn.  I've offered to help him set up email and teach him shit...he has no desire to learn anything.  We once had to send something over, and we had to email to Mary for her to print for him.  So she's aware of his tech limitations.

So, about 10 days ago, mom falls. She's alone at the time.  She gets up and shakes it off, and picks Ken up at the train station, seemingly fine.  The next day, she cannot get out of bed. This goes on for a couple of days, and GF says "fuck it, we're going down there".  "There" is S. Florida, BTW.  So, we catch an expensive flight and go there.  GF takes the fuck over, is calling doctors, etc, and gets mom in a different hospital. New hospital finds all kinds of damage that original hospital didn't find.   GF arranges for mom to move to a rehab place for a week or 10 days, and then to receive in-home care. 

It's noteworthy that Ken openly hates middle sister, so she stays the fuck away when he's around.  Otherwise, she could have handled this shit locally, and GF wouldn't have needed to go there. 

Anyway, we are at the house one night, and Ken says he's going out for a bit...at 10 PM.  It becomes obvious that he's got a side piece locally.  On one day, we tell Ken to stay home and take it easy, and we spend the day at the hospital.  Mary calls frantic that she can't reach Ken.  She's been calling for hours and she's worried.   I smell what's up so I send him a text that says "hey motherfucker, shit's hitting the fan, you need to surface".  He calls me shortly after and says hey fell asleep with the phone in the other room, etc bullshit etc.  Whatever. Not my fucking problem.  I'm wanting to get mom settled and on the right track care-wise. 

So, Mary calls GF back for a chat. She says "I know he's up to something/we haven't had sex in years, etc". 

It turns out that Mary thinks Ken is still a stockbroker.  A stockbroker without a computer or email.  She thinks that he goes into a local office near Mom's place every Monday.  GF says "how the fuck do you think a stockbroker can work with no tech skills at all?"  Mary says that Ken told her that he has underlings that do all the computer shit...he just makes "deals" over the phone.  She also asks GF if he really owns a rental unit in Manhattan. GF almost chokes.  He's been telling Mary all along that he bought an apartment and he's owned it all this time and has a property manager.  GF asks Mary if she's ever seen a single piece of mail from a property manager in NYC.  Silence on the line. 

So now, Mary's gonna give him the boot.  He'll be moving in with Mom full-time. 

TL/DR: GF's brother is a psycho liar and his long-time girlfriend is an idiot. 

I'd like to hear more about this middle sister's daughter.

[Pig Bellmont 8738]

36 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

I've got a doozy. 

I've been with the GF for 12 years or so.  We've been living together for 11 years or so, and, we are looked at by both families as if we were married. 

The GF is the oldest sibling.  She has a younger sister (middle) and a younger brother (the youngest).  The sister was married to a successful lawyer who's also a bad alcoholic.  Her two kids had the absolute best of everything...the finest  private schools, etc.  The older one, the boy, was extremely gifted...the daughter extremely hot.  The boy is now a 25 year-old loser druggie.  He's stolen from his mother, grandmother, etc.    He's a POS.

The daughter is doing "OK", but no better than that. 

Now, for GF's brother:  "Ken" for purposes of this story. He graduated college, and got a job on Wall Street.   He was having severe issues, and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He had brain surgery about 20 years ago (I'm guessing), and hasn't worked since.  He's fairly fucked up.  Has balance issues, etc.  He probably shouldn't have a driver's license, but he does. He lives off SSDI, and what money his mother gives him.

For the past 15 years or so, he's lived with "Mary" (in her small condo that she owns).  GF's dad died about 10 years ago, and left mom a ton of dough, but unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, they were living in a rental home (owned by the alcoholic lawyer).  The house was a POS, so mom bought a home in a retirement community about 50 miles north.  Since mom bought the house, Ken goes up every Saturday (on the train) and goes back to the Mary's place on Tuesday. 

Ken does not own a computer, and couldn't figure out to turn one on if his life depended on it.   He's got no email.  He has an iphone, but only uses it to talk and text.  No apps at  all.  Doesn't know how to use Uber.  Carries a paper train schedule.  A complete idiot when it comes to tech stuff.  And, he refuses to learn.  I've offered to help him set up email and teach him shit...he has no desire to learn anything.  We once had to send something over, and we had to email to Mary for her to print for him.  So she's aware of his tech limitations.

So, about 10 days ago, mom falls. She's alone at the time.  She gets up and shakes it off, and picks Ken up at the train station, seemingly fine.  The next day, she cannot get out of bed. This goes on for a couple of days, and GF says "fuck it, we're going down there".  "There" is S. Florida, BTW.  So, we catch an expensive flight and go there.  GF takes the fuck over, is calling doctors, etc, and gets mom in a different hospital. New hospital finds all kinds of damage that original hospital didn't find.   GF arranges for mom to move to a rehab place for a week or 10 days, and then to receive in-home care. 

It's noteworthy that Ken openly hates middle sister, so she stays the fuck away when he's around.  Otherwise, she could have handled this shit locally, and GF wouldn't have needed to go there. 

Anyway, we are at the house one night, and Ken says he's going out for a bit...at 10 PM.  It becomes obvious that he's got a side piece locally.  On one day, we tell Ken to stay home and take it easy, and we spend the day at the hospital.  Mary calls frantic that she can't reach Ken.  She's been calling for hours and she's worried.   I smell what's up so I send him a text that says "hey motherfucker, shit's hitting the fan, you need to surface".  He calls me shortly after and says hey fell asleep with the phone in the other room, etc bullshit etc.  Whatever. Not my fucking problem.  I'm wanting to get mom settled and on the right track care-wise. 

So, Mary calls GF back for a chat. She says "I know he's up to something/we haven't had sex in years, etc". 

It turns out that Mary thinks Ken is still a stockbroker.  A stockbroker without a computer or email.  She thinks that he goes into a local office near Mom's place every Monday.  GF says "how the fuck do you think a stockbroker can work with no tech skills at all?"  Mary says that Ken told her that he has underlings that do all the computer shit...he just makes "deals" over the phone.  She also asks GF if he really owns a rental unit in Manhattan. GF almost chokes.  He's been telling Mary all along that he bought an apartment and he's owned it all this time and has a property manager.  GF asks Mary if she's ever seen a single piece of mail from a property manager in NYC.  Silence on the line. 

So now, Mary's gonna give him the boot.  He'll be moving in with Mom full-time. 

TL/DR: GF's brother is a psycho liar and his long-time girlfriend is an idiot. 

 

Im not trying to belittle your family shit bc we all need a place to vent but I can’t understand what’s going on here. And I’m a lawyer used to reading dense and confusing stuff. My take away is your brain damaged brother in law is being a piece of garbage. Especially sucks with an old injured MIL. 
 

Just stop taking storytelling lessons from my wife lol