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I learned today that I'd never cut it in the "Proud Boys"

Gil Bang

By Gil Bang
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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 26,176

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1 minute ago, WBT said:

Aren't those rules straight from the bible, more or less? Proud boys probably follow them as well as any other group of Christians.

Yeah, I don't read the bible much, but I don't think "don't blow your load unless she's in a 36" radius" is in there anywhere.

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The good news, Mr Proud Boy Member in our Club, is that you're getting promoted.

The bad news is that you're now Masturbatory Compliance Enforcement Officer, and have to conduct ball checks before the meetings.

Edited by slorch
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DigglerontheHoof

DigglerontheHoof 21,516

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52 minutes ago, slorch said:

The good news, Mr Proud Boy Member in our Club, is that you're getting promoted.

The bad news is that you're now Masturbatory Compliance Enforcement Officer, and have to conduct ball checks before the meetings.

Pretty sure that would be a good news/good news to these closeted morons. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19,456

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14 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Two Corinthians

No, no, no.  You're all wrong.  It's not 'Two', it's a letter TO Corinthians.  

I still can't remember the female comic who had that bit about, "How do you write a letter to a whole nation of people?  Like, I can't just pen 'A Letter to the Puerto Ricans...TURN YOUR MUSIC DOWN!', no matter how hard I try."  

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 35,516

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12 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

Yeah, I don't read the bible much, but I don't think "don't blow your load unless she's in a 36" radius" is in there anywhere.

The very closest you can come to an outright ban on jerking off is an anecdote about a guy getting in trouble for pulling out because he didn’t want to knock up his dead brother’s wife. It’s a stretch but made it as far as becoming an old-times euphemism for yanking (Onanism). 

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Sawbonz

Sawbonz 28,081

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12 hours ago, slorch said:

The good news, Mr Proud Boy Member in our Club, is that you're getting promoted.

The bad news is that you're now Masturbatory Compliance Enforcement Officer, and have to conduct ball checks before the meetings.

If you didn’t listen to the this American life podcast you really should. After “mastering” not beating off for a month the next level is getting punched while yelling out breakfast cereal names

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Tuco

Tuco 5,093

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The very closest you can come to an outright ban on jerking off is an anecdote about a guy getting in trouble for pulling out because he didn’t want to knock up his dead brother’s wife. It’s a stretch but made it as far as becoming an old-times euphemism for yanking (Onanism). 

Yep. It’s my favorite example of how people completely twist the Bible to mean whatever they want it to mean. Full story reads like a bizarre sex romp. At one point, the widow ends up disguising herself as a prostitute to trick her father-in-law in to fucking her. She gets prego. Idiot townsfolk prepare to stone her. She proves it was the father-in-law and everyone has a good chuckle.
Moral of the story: don’t beat off. Totally logical interpretation.
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