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jimmyjazz

By jimmyjazz
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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 46130

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So my daughter is familiar with a kid at her HS who has been hinting at some fairly dark stuff via Snapchat.  I'm not going to pretend I know all the ins and outs of the app, but some of it has been public and some has been in private communication with her.  She was worried enough that she screen-capped a couple of statements, the act of which apparently cannot be hidden from the other party.

Basically, it comes down to threats to harm himself and others.  The "others" part is so ludicrous as to be hand-waved away in a literal sense ("I could wipe this place out with an atomic bomb" or some such), but the threat is still real.  In her private communications she asked if he wanted to hurt himself, which he affirmed.

So here's the rub:  if she reveals the latter to authorities and they engage him, he'll most likely know it was her who called in the alert.  If she simply reveals the "public" disclosures, he'll have a pretty good clue, but not nearly so concrete.  We're obviously concerned about retaliation; we're also concerned about this kid and others.

Given that school is out, it doesn't seem like there are many options beyond informing the police.  During the school year, I suppose it might be sufficient to inform the school principal.  Yes?  No?  Thoughts?  Advice?  No pics.

 

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Speak up and do not lose one ounce of sleep over it. People in that frame of mind need to be forced to deal with their demons. When it comes to hurting people, your independence should be stripped.  

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Gene Parmesan

Gene Parmesan 4014

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8 minutes ago, Rex Kramer said:

Speak up and do not lose one ounce of sleep over it. People in that frame of mind need to be forced to deal with their demons. When it comes to hurting people, your independence should be stripped.  

How do you not lose any sleep if you fear retaliation?

I would inform police.  Hopefully they can be subtle enough to not out your daughter.  Not sure if enough was said to get criminal charges, but the police can at least get the parents involved whom hopefully give a shit about their son's actions.

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HoustonHorn

HoustonHorn 1062

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34 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

So my daughter is familiar with a kid at her HS who has been hinting at some fairly dark stuff via Snapchat.  I'm not going to pretend I know all the ins and outs of the app, but some of it has been public and some has been in private communication with her.  She was worried enough that she screen-capped a couple of statements, the act of which apparently cannot be hidden from the other party.

Basically, it comes down to threats to harm himself and others.  The "others" part is so ludicrous as to be hand-waved away in a literal sense ("I could wipe this place out with an atomic bomb" or some such), but the threat is still real.  In her private communications she asked if he wanted to hurt himself, which he affirmed.

So here's the rub:  if she reveals the latter to authorities and they engage him, he'll most likely know it was her who called in the alert.  If she simply reveals the "public" disclosures, he'll have a pretty good clue, but not nearly so concrete.  We're obviously concerned about retaliation; we're also concerned about this kid and others.

Given that school is out, it doesn't seem like there are many options beyond informing the police.  During the school year, I suppose it might be sufficient to inform the school principal.  Yes?  No?  Thoughts?  Advice?  No pics.

 

Very difficult situation. If you know the parents directly or indirectly through other friends, you may want to reach out to them. However, I think it is also a good idea to notify authorities with the public information and after you meet with them and get a feel for their level of competence, decide whether they can be trusted to keep the personal information shared with your daughter confidential to avoid retaliation.

Seems like it may be a cry for help in some respects if he's sharing that he wants to harm himself and the parents should be made aware. The threats against others should be taken seriously, even if the methods laid out are ludicrous. I think in some cases, kids reach out on things like this to see if anyone is actually paying attention to them and taking them seriously. If so, hopefully help can be provided. But if not, it just reinforces that nobody (in their mind) cares about them and makes it easier to kill themselves and/or others.

My $0.02. Good luck, not an enviable position for your daughter or family.

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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 46130

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We don't know the family.

I expected these responses, and they are in line with my gut feelings.  For one thing, I can't in good conscience tell my kids to pay attention to troubled peers and say something if they are concerned, and then not do anything when a kid actually reaches out.  I've learned that hypocrisy is a bad parenting tool.  That said, the idea of getting on the bad side of a potential sociopath is discomforting to say the least.

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35 minutes ago, Gene Parmesan said:

How do you not lose any sleep if you fear retaliation?

I would inform police.  Hopefully they can be subtle enough to not out your daughter.  Not sure if enough was said to get criminal charges, but the police can at least get the parents involved whom hopefully give a shit about their son's actions.

Try and be as subtle as possible (and agreed about going to police) but you cannot pussyfoot around this for fear of retaliation. The same consequence could occur whether or not you inform police. I think you and I are on the same page with what to do; I just wouldn’t be scared to do it. Not saying you would either, but while I’d be watchful after letting police know, I’d be very confident in my decision to do so. 

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

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21 minutes ago, gecko said:

I voted with cheeseweasel but its much easier said than done.

Absolutely. Our instinct is to separate our kids from harm, not put them in the middle of it.

That being said, "the harm" is there regardless. It's a big shit sandwich and jimmy's going to have to bite it.

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HoustonHorn

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1 hour ago, jimmyjazz said:

We don't know the family.

I expected these responses, and they are in line with my gut feelings.  For one thing, I can't in good conscience tell my kids to pay attention to troubled peers and say something if they are concerned, and then not do anything when a kid actually reaches out.  I've learned that hypocrisy is a bad parenting tool.  That said, the idea of getting on the bad side of a potential sociopath is discomforting to say the least. 

Go with your gut. If there is no way to get in touch with the family through known channels your attempts will likely be rejected - parents don't want to be told anything bad about their kids and the immediate reaction will be negative unless they have some reason to believe you and/or your daughter. Giving them the evidence pretty much ensures the kid will know who gave it to them and put your daughter and family in a more dangerous situation.

While going to the police is pretty much always my option of last resort, I think this is a case that warrants it unless you feel moving it up the chain to another agency is a better idea. Regardless, for your families safety, I think it best to judge the actual personnel involved before providing anything which could be used to implicate your daughter in turning him in.

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Newdoc

Newdoc 3453

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5 minutes ago, Heisenberg said:

I doubt your daughter is the only witness.  Dime him out.  Your daughter should eliminate him from her life; the summer time is good for that.

This.  Had to do the same thing last summer and I have a kid that has come out on the good end and knowing we did the right thing.  Yes, there were consequences. Life's about balancing them.

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VolenteHawk

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It might be worth metioning that there is no distinction here between public and private communication on Snapchat in this situation. The psycho gets notified of who took screenshots in either situation. So your retaliation risk should be appropriately evaluated even if you only disclose information from his (public) story.

 

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Poolflood

Poolflood 845

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Do you have any connections with school personnel?  Personally know a teacher, avp, principal etc?  There's an infrastructure there (and probably available during summer) and may be an avenue without going to the cops.

Edited by Poolflood
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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 46130

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Followup:  I emailed one of the band directors, who agreed that it sounded serious, and he also copied the principal.  The principal will be able to advise whether or not we stick to school procedures or go to law enforcement.  Thanks for all the (confirming) advice.

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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 46130

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A further discussion with the AISD cop -- who has already called APD -- revealed that they get these kinds of reports "all the time".  Good.  (I mean, not GOOD good, but at least there's a decent chance it won't escalate to something bad.)

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woohorn

woohorn 1131

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Get the police involved. Once the kids dog has been shot and the kid framed the daughter will no longer be a target for retaliation, he'll turn his dark obsessions of violence towards the popo.
All of this. I don't get callin' the cops about ANYTHING short of shots fired. Even in white bread bubble cities. Cops gonna cop. Especially true relating to mental illness.

My response would have been to the parents. Good luck though.
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23 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

. . . and that escalated quickly.  AISD cops already called and are "concerned".  OK, here we go.  </concerned father>

You’re at the point where you could have been months from now had you sat on this. And your daughter or others could have been hurt during that time. Just be extra vigilant and watch the authorities and school officials and ensure you’re getting updated on the jobs they’re doing. And always be vigilant around this kid. 

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22 hours ago, woohorn said:

All of this. I don't get callin' the cops about ANYTHING short of shots fired. Even in white bread bubble cities. Cops gonna cop. Especially true relating to mental illness.

My response would have been to the parents. Good luck though.

Totally disagreed. 

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closetojumping

closetojumping 62870

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On 6/20/2018 at 1:46 PM, jimmyjazz said:

We don't know the family.

I expected these responses, and they are in line with my gut feelings.  For one thing, I can't in good conscience tell my kids to pay attention to troubled peers and say something if they are concerned, and then not do anything when a kid actually reaches out.  I've learned that hypocrisy is a bad parenting tool.  That said, the idea of getting on the bad side of a potential sociopath is discomforting to say the least.

If it helps at all, this person doesn’t sound like a sociopath, based on what you’ve said here, at least. 

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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 46130

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36 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

If it helps at all, this person doesn’t sound like a sociopath, based on what you’ve said here, at least. 

Perhaps, but almost everything I'm relaying is second hand.  I've seen a screen cap or two.  They're unsettling.  On their own?  Maybe not too bad, but she didn't capture everything and has told me what else he said.

APD came by my house within an hour or so of AISD notifying them.  They were supposed to get in touch with me first, but didn't, and I was at work, so they spoke with my son who hadn't the foggiest what was going on.  I'm sure that was helpful.  Obviously, law enforcement thinks it's worth exploring.  I'm still trying to get back in touch with APD, which . . . well, that's not surprising.

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closetojumping

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5 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

Perhaps, but almost everything I'm relaying is second hand.  I've seen a screen cap or two.  They're unsettling.  On their own?  Maybe not too bad, but she didn't capture everything and has told me what else he said.

APD came by my house within an hour or so of AISD notifying them.  They were supposed to get in touch with me first, but didn't, and I was at work, so they spoke with my son who hadn't the foggiest what was going on.  I'm sure that was helpful.  Obviously, law enforcement thinks it's worth exploring.  I'm still trying to get back in touch with APD, which . . . well, that's not surprising.

 

Just to make sure I’m making sense to you, I wasn’t disputing anything you said about the circumstances. My hopes and prayers are with your family, the troubled person and the community. I just meant that he’s showing signs of naricissism without necessarily being a narcissist or someone who’s just got problems, rather than seeming like a sociopath. That said, I’m not a psychiatrist and the notes here are limited, so who knows? If it is remotely interesting, there’s a ton of good info out there on personality disorders, geniuses included, that a dude like you might find as interesting reading once this is behind you. 

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Poolflood

Poolflood 845

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On 6/23/2018 at 9:20 PM, jimmyjazz said:

Perhaps, but almost everything I'm relaying is second hand.  I've seen a screen cap or two.  They're unsettling.  On their own?  Maybe not too bad, but she didn't capture everything and has told me what else he said.

APD came by my house within an hour or so of AISD notifying them.  They were supposed to get in touch with me first, but didn't, and I was at work, so they spoke with my son who hadn't the foggiest what was going on.  I'm sure that was helpful.  Obviously, law enforcement thinks it's worth exploring.  I'm still trying to get back in touch with APD, which . . . well, that's not surprising.

Any updates?

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