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Kyle Rittenhouse 2.0

tx 3 putt

By tx 3 putt
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SydneyCarton
SydneyCarton

Dont be a disingenuous asshole. Maggie could fucking get it.        She looked nothing like the Killsbury Doughboy. 

TexArcher
TexArcher

Lol, no. He'll profit off of a book deal co-authored by Jesse Watters, and with an intro by Joel Osteen, because 40% of this country is irredeemably fucking stupid.

henrygandorf
henrygandorf

Posted Images

YGIFS

YGIFS 19450

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, StassneyHorn said:

Jesus Christ it’s a photoshop, there’s fucked up swirls everywhere

Look, I consider myself an LGBTQ+ ally and all, but I'm not all up on the lingo.  Is "swirls" when two dudes hug and bump junk together?  NTTAWWT

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C-Man

C-Man 27222

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Look, I consider myself an LGBTQ+ ally and all, but I'm not all up on the lingo.  Is "swirls" when two dudes hug and bump junk together?  NTTAWWT

I've seen Kyle and Tucker called a lot of things but "swirls" is a new one. I might start using that.

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RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26428

Posted
Posted
On 1/11/2024 at 9:27 AM, kevwun said:

Kyle is so stealthy he managed to not even get any dust on his boots.

 

On 1/11/2024 at 8:24 AM, atomheartbevo said:

It's fucking crazy that he has both sharp creases in his clothes after "training all day" as well as fruit snack wrappers on the ground.  Even people on forums that would normally be friendly to him are mocking him.   I guess cosplaying is all he has left if the military won't take him.  I'm half expecting him to join the Texas State Guard and be sworn in by Abbott.

GDdNtzLagAAYFTh?format=jpg&name=large

 

Why are we all assuming he was doing faux-Army stuff? Maybe those guys all spent the whole day so they could brush up on Classical Greek and read Plato and Aristotle in the original, gotta understand Western Culture to defend Western Culture. 8 hours of trying to get your head around the Aorist tense ain't no joke.

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YChang

YChang 3443

Posted
Posted
16 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

 

Why are we all assuming he was doing faux-Army stuff? Maybe those guys all spent the whole day so they could brush up on Classical Greek and read Plato and Aristotle in the original, gotta understand Western Culture to defend Western Culture. 8 hours of trying to get your head around the Aorist tense ain't no joke.

Truly the Diogenes of our time. 

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RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26428

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, YChang said:

Truly the Diogenes of our time. 

And then of course they might have spent the whole day learning about European folk traditions like dancing and music. Bulgarian singing would be a good start, they do this nasal thing that approximates auto-tuning. And that's just another small part of what they'd want to know. This is exciting.

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Nice Guy Eddie

Nice Guy Eddie 13512

Posted
Posted

Of course Kyle is riding the grift train. It’s not like his choice is grift vs starting as an audit associate at EY.

he's a high school graduate that was turned away from the military because of his test scores.

the world needs ditch diggers too.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52492

Posted
Posted (edited)
30 minutes ago, Homercles said:

Man I’d love to see that doughy mass go through basic and be enlisted infantry.  Go watch Restrepo and get ready to ‘tool up’.  

He’d have his group doing push-ups while he ate fruit snacks that the DI found in his foot locker. 
 

eta someone should generate that image using a still from the jelly donut scene and the above pic of him. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto
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YGIFS

YGIFS 19450

Posted
Posted (edited)

does this tac vest come in Husky or Rittenhouse-sizes?  

I know this isn't a popular take given that he is a rightfully acquitted (from a legal standpoint) multiple murderer.  But I do sometimes feel genuinely feel sorry for the dipshit.  He had all these projections from millions of lunatics just foisted upon him and he was simply not mentally wired to handle the pressure or expectations.  Then again, if he's old enough some killin', he's old enough to learn how to cope with the aftermath and media spotlight.  But man, he is just failing at everything spectacularly.  And somewhere in middle America, there's a girl coming of age, looking at him thinking, "Someday, I get to be Mrs. Kyle Rittenhouse!"  Of course, she'll eventually drown their 4 children, but there'll be some salad days in between.  

Edited by YGIFS
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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

Posted
Posted (edited)

When the events of the fateful night occurred, Rittenhouse was 17 and as far as I know was already having difficulty with school and never completed his hs education. That closes a lot of doors even if one is carrying all the baggage and notoriety that Kyle has. His parents had split up and I don't know if anyone was giving him sound advice or if he would've even listened to it considering all the other voices whispering in his ear.

I don't feel sorry for him, he's entered that George Zimmerman zone which has the effect of trying to reconcile one's psyche with past events while living in the present and society is going to forever place the two (past and present) together because that is the way it works. The difference between Rittenhouse and say, Zimmerman, is that Rittenhouse is barely 21 and has a lot of years left. Therapy, testing for a learning disorder, and completing his GED would go a long way in rehabbing his life (as opposed to hanging out with guns and guys who play soldier). I doubt he ever will.

Edited by Mrs Whiggins
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Satchel

Satchel 6938

Posted
Posted
On 2/4/2024 at 8:04 AM, Nice Guy Eddie said:

Of course Kyle is riding the grift train. It’s not like his choice is grift vs starting as an audit associate at EY.

he's a high school graduate that was turned away from the military because of his test scores.

the world needs ditch diggers too.

You may be giving him too much credit:

Eventually transitioning to online school, he dropped out and left Lakes Community High School altogether in 2018 after attending for one semester in 2017–2018.

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Captainant

Captainant 27661

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Fastbreak said:

A reality show of "Rittenhouse Joins the Army" would literally break the internet.

Maybe get him on the next season of that insane "special forces" reality TV show? They had scaramucci on lol

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