My Bariatric Surgery Journey

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

On 9/8/2023 at 11:47 AM, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

Putting aside your weight, how do you feel? Do you have energy? How are you doing mentally?

Tons of energy. Feel great. When I get done working out occasionally (especially after days I just lift and not eliptical and stair master) I feel better than I have in my entire life. 
Mentally?  Not as good. Intellectually I know I had to do this. But I was in a happy and loving marriage where I got all the sex I ever wanted whenever I wanted and I will never cheat on my wife- so how I look is completely irrelevant to me. It’s literally all about my health so I don’t turn her into a widow and my kids orphans. So I know it was the right tbing, I’d do it again 10/10, but the entire change of lifestyle has sucked. 
I mean, make something a huge part of your life, so that because you enjoy it, and then take it away and it sucks. Food is so central to almost everyone’s life that to do away with it and give it zero importance is tough. 

[Llewelyn Moss 212]

Dude…I just read this entire thread in one sitting. Nothing but respect for you. Your progress, commitment, and honesty are truly moving. So, not only did you broker my mortgage, you have inspired me big time. 
 

Also…the 5x5 is a great plan for you. It is exactly what I was hoping you’d choose as I read through the thread. When you are ready for something different in a couple of months, check out Jim Wendler’s “Boring but Big” 5/3/1 program. It will really help with hypertrophy aka making your muscles bigger. I know you said what you look like is not important to you, but it genuinely feels good to fill out the cuffs on a T-shirt, haha. 

Edited September 11, 2023 by Llewelyn Moss

[Bozo_Casanova 26670]

On 9/10/2023 at 8:27 AM, Wulaw Horn said:

Mentally?  Not as good. Intellectually I know I had to do this. But I was in a happy and loving marriage where I got all the sex I ever wanted whenever I wanted and I will never cheat on my wife- so how I look is completely irrelevant to me. It’s literally all about my health so I don’t turn her into a widow and my kids orphans. So I know it was the right tbing, I’d do it again 10/10, but the entire change of lifestyle has sucked. 
I mean, make something a huge part of your life, so that because you enjoy it, and then take it away and it sucks. Food is so central to almost everyone’s life that to do away with it and give it zero importance is tough. 

OK - you've mentioned this a couple of times and it's not getting enough run, because everybody wants to congratulate you for your achievement. That's great, but this needs some attention too. You can have and deserve a healthy and positive relationship with food. I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist or psychologist who has experience working with people who have had bariatric surgery or transformative  weight loss. Can your doc recommend somebody?

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

2 hours ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

OK - you've mentioned this a couple of times and it's not getting enough run, because everybody wants to congratulate you for your achievement. That's great, but this needs some attention too. You can have and deserve a healthy and positive relationship with food. I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist or psychologist who has experience working with people who have had bariatric surgery or transformative  weight loss. Can your doc recommend somebody?

Probably.  I know it's bumming me out. I had a guy I used to see about some anxiety stuff related to work and the like that I think is solid I might talk to about.  The thing for me is not that I can't overeat, but it's all the stuff that you cannot eat anymore.  No enchilada's, taco's, rice, noodles, fried stuff and pizza, and very careful about stuff like potatos or the like. Veggies are also rough b/c they just take up a lot of room (not that I like vegetables so that's no big loss for me). 
So, that takes away my desire to ever do Mexican or Asian food, and italian is pretty much no thanks with no breading or the like. Also, pretty much no fast food (which is good I guess- but I used to love some taco bell and whataburger). Hell, I loved everything or I wouldn't have been 322 pounds, right?  Nothing carbonated so no beer.  

Look- I can still eat but just most of my favorite foods are gone.  Is the cauliflower crust pizza as good as papa johns? Nah, not really.  Do i care to go out to Mexican food and eat anymore when I can grill my own fajitas at home and get 90% of it? Nah, I really don't.  That loss is hard.  I can drink vodka and gatorade zero during horn games and that's ok, I guess, but I miss cracking open a shiner or 12 when I'm doing that.  It's just sort of gone. Wife and I drove past steamboat bills in Lake Charles which we love at 1:00 on the way to casino friday night before the bama game and I was like- "want to stop" and she was like nah- I'm good. Instead we split a bag of jerky and edimame stuff and a cheese and nut 1 serving package. I mean, I didn't starve to death but that's not all that much fun.  Realized I ate about 2400 calories over the course of 3 days on the road b/c buying a bag of jerky and driving through is easy, while it's just not all that fulfilling to stop otherwise.  I mean, I'm going to live and all, but it does take away the enjoyment for sure. 
Typing that out kind of depresses me- maybe what I need is to find 5 or 10 new things that I can eat that I really like.  

[DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12301]

Your body and your mind are so intertwined that if you obsess about one without dealing with the other, eventually the chances are the pendulum is going to swing back the other way. What you are doing is so hard, and I respect the hell out of the reasons you are doing it. I wonder what a shrink would say about your desire to eat and drink to your heart's content and beyond? You've called it 'fun', but I would assume they would say there's something deeper there that compels you to pursue it to excess. I feel like somehow you have to get to a point mentally where you are at peace with your relationship with food because you understand why that relationship has been so unhealthy in the past and you've dealt with it. 

[Bozo_Casanova 26670]

That’s exactly right- @Wulaw Horn you’ve done amazing work on yourself and you want it to stick, but you need to get your mind right, and a big part of that is getting to a place where you can enjoy things. And they probably will be different things than before, but you can enjoy them just as much or more. You alluded to fajitas instead of enchiladas but it’s not just substitute foods. It’s your relationship with food and how that impacts other things- for example, liking the way you look in the mirror and the way people treat you and how your clothes fit, and internalizing the way eating right connects to that feeling. 

Edited September 11, 2023 by Bozo_Casanova

[Js1 85744]

Yeah, the hardest part (for me) was restricting the "fun" foods, and then slowly learning how to re-introduce them in a healthy way. In a way that I now appreciate and enjoy them more than I did before. 

A lot of it is when you hit your goals and understand the balance - I can still like how I look and how I feel and go to the gym 5 days a week, but also enjoy fun things like pizza and cake and Tex-Mex in moderation once or twice a week without undoing all my progress. 

[Basil 760]

13 hours ago, Llewelyn Moss said:

Dude…I just read this entire thread in one sitting. Nothing but respect for you. Your progress, commitment, and honesty are truly moving. So, not only did you broker my mortgage, you have inspired me big time. 
 

Also…the 5x5 is a great plan for you. It is exactly what I was hoping you’d choose as I read through the thread. When you are ready for something different in a couple of months, check out Jim Wendler’s “Boring but Big” 5/3/1 program. It will really help with hypertrophy aka making your muscles bigger. I know you said what you look like is not important to you, but it genuinely feels good to fill out the cuffs on a T-shirt, haha. 

Oh dear Lord, are you one of those dumbasses who wears shirts a size or two too small?  Those people suck.

[BearSchlong 8136]

Wulaw:

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

2 hours ago, Js1 said:

Yeah, the hardest part (for me) was restricting the "fun" foods, and then slowly learning how to re-introduce them in a healthy way. In a way that I now appreciate and enjoy them more than I did before. 

A lot of it is when you hit your goals and understand the balance - I can still like how I look and how I feel and go to the gym 5 days a week, but also enjoy fun things like pizza and cake and Tex-Mex in moderation once or twice a week without undoing all my progress. 

I can't eat pizza- not as a "it's not on my diet" but as in if I eat it I will curl up in a ball, roll around on the floor and throw up kind of way. It's not about if I want to eat it or not- it's about I physically cannot.  It's certain types of foods there just isn't room for.  I wish it was like- hey- you can eat whatever but just a little bit.  That's how it is with ice cream- I can still eat that but it needs to be 1 scoop instead of 2.  But if I throw in a waffle cone I will likely throw up, because there isn't enough room in my stomach for that.  So, rice, noodles, tortillas, bread, shit like that swells and doesn't go down so it comes up the other end.  Fried I guess makes you sick. I ate like 8 cheese fries at outback for my birthday and got sick and miserable for an hour.  Also- if you eat too fast you get sick.  

I'm told that's the deal. I know there are other fatty's that do fat people things and train themselves to eat those kinds of foods again. I'm like top of the charts for this surgery and how it works out but something like 60% of the people have 70% of their excess weight off for good. That means 40% train themselves to eat through it and be just as fat as always (I know 2 other people who have had this surgery and that's both of their stories) but most people just don't use it as much of a tool as I do and get most of their weight off but still stay fat.   I'm at like 100% of my excess weight and also hitting the gym and firming up and my numbers are all perfect.  I'm not going to intenionally embark on a journey of self sabatoge so I can build myself up to eating shit again.  Some people do but that's insane to me.  What that means is- I never get that food (or carbonated drink) again without getting sick.  

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

2 hours ago, Js1 said:

Yeah, the hardest part (for me) was restricting the "fun" foods, and then slowly learning how to re-introduce them in a healthy way. In a way that I now appreciate and enjoy them more than I did before. 

A lot of it is when you hit your goals and understand the balance - I can still like how I look and how I feel and go to the gym 5 days a week, but also enjoy fun things like pizza and cake and Tex-Mex in moderation once or twice a week without undoing all my progress. 

I can do cake. I can do ice cream. I can do candy bars. I do all of that occasionally in small doses (like 100 calories or less) and that's fine and fulfils my desire to eat something that's different then the other stuff, but don't let it get out of hand.  I eat a shitload of steak, pork chops etc.  Not like a lot of that- but like that 4 or 5 meals in a row.  
Also- there's this weird thing that you aren't supposed to use the microwave. It dries stuff out and makes it harder to digest and makes you sick.  So, when I'm at the office it's like tuna or chicken or egg salad without the bread, protein bars etc.  Never fun. 

I have 1 go to now that I do one time a week that I can get down without being too bad and that's 1 taco on corn tortialla at Torchy's.  That's the right portion size, the right price, and for some reason corn or carbless tortiallas don't make you sick like the flour do. It's really weird what will trip you up.  There's not a lot of rules to what is going on beyond "if your body can tolerate it cool- if it rejects it and you get sick don't do that again"  Thus the list of foods that you "can't" eat aren't dietary but rather what makes most people sick eating it.  That's how I understand it anyway- a doctor probably wouldn't necessarily agree.  

[Sbbruin 21912]

Interesting to read your story, @Wulaw Horn.  I had 1/3 of my stomach and 2/3 of my esophagus removed in December (for a different reason), and it has been a bumpy ride since.  I had a lot of issues swallowing at first.  I had 4 different dilating endoscopies to stretch out my esophagus that finally worked, but the nausea after eating is still a crapshoot.  I Can have the exact same thing, and one day it'll be fine and the next I feel sick as shit.  I di lose 50 lbs, which I could stand to lose, but my relationship with food, like you, is forever changed.  Just once I'd like to be able to sit down and have a full meal of my favorite foods.  But alas.  I also lost the little sphincter between my esophagus and stomach so if I overeat too much, I just puke without much warning, so I have to be careful not to do that. I wish I could pin down what foods give me trouble, but it really doesn't seem to matter.  I can eat pizza and most other things, just in much smaller quantities.  But I used to slather my food in hot sauce, and that's pretty much a no go any more.  

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

1 minute ago, Sbbruin said:

Interesting to read your story, @Wulaw Horn.  I had 1/3 of my stomach and 2/3 of my esophagus removed in December (for a different reason), and it has been a bumpy ride since.  I had a lot of issues swallowing at first.  I had 4 different dilating endoscopies to stretch out my esophagus that finally worked, but the nausea after eating is still a crapshoot.  I Can have the exact same thing, and one day it'll be fine and the next I feel sick as shit.  I di lose 50 lbs, which I could stand to lose, but my relationship with food, like you, is forever changed.  Just once I'd like to be able to sit down and have a full meal of my favorite foods.  But alas.  I also lost the little sphincter between my esophagus and stomach so if I overeat too much, I just puke without much warning, so I have to be careful not to do that. I wish I could pin down what foods give me trouble, but it really doesn't seem to matter.  I can eat pizza and most other things, just in much smaller quantities.  But I used to slather my food in hot sauce, and that's pretty much a no go any more.  

How are you doing man?  I think about you and pray for your full recovery.  ANd for you to cry when the dodgers lose in the playoffs.  

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

Like today- today is a "good day" where I had a torchy's taco (because I had to go shopping today).
Power bar, torchy taco.  Cold seafood salad, no bread- just a spoon, and I will finish with another protein bar.  So, like 1200 calories.  Not hungry.  65 or 70 grams of protein (they want me eating 100 but that's really tough. lifted at gym etc.  Probably 800 net calories not hungry

[Sbbruin 21912]

11 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

How are you doing man?  I think about you and pray for your full recovery.  ANd for you to cry when the dodgers lose in the playoffs.  

Been a bit of a roller coaster.  Immunotherapy treatments did me wrong and my entire digestive tract was wrecked for months.  I had stabilized at about 165 lbs, but then dropped pretty quick to 150. Bouncing back to sbout 157, and that would be a good landing spot.  Moving forward, while taking a step back here and there.  

I don't see how Dodger starting pitching is going to hold up in the playoffs.  We've lost basically our entire staff.

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

194.8 this morning after getting back from a 3 day mortgage conference in Detroit. 

Their gym was shitty so first time I’d gone more than a weekend without lifting weights since is started that in early august. Now 4 pounds lower than my previous low. 

I had stalled out around 200 crossing over and back all the time. I’d wondered if my weight weight loss was over- happily not. 

Anyway, they had an exercise center that was very small and I went 3 times in 36 hours. Before going to bed on my travel day on the way up there Monday, Tuesday after the seminar and then Wednesday at 6:00 am.  Eliptical on Monday and Tuesday and then treadmill on Wednesday when the eliptical was broken. 

I actually ran, on the treadmill, maybe more than I have in my entire life. Did intervals that previously I could do for 15 or 20 seconds at a time for 2 or 3 minutes. Crazy.  Somebody told me at the airport I looked like I was in the movies so that was funny. 

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

Penis 

Edited September 28, 2023 by Wulaw Horn

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

Me in my underwear day before surgery. 
 

Spoiler

Me today getting new wardrobe down 130 pounds. 
 

[Sbbruin 21912]

7 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Me in my underwear day before surgery. 
 

  Reveal hidden contents

Me today getting new wardrobe down 130 pounds. 
 

You shoulda wore the old gear and gone for the David Byrne "Stop Making Sense" look.

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

188.8. Finalky made it here only if barely. First semester at UT last I could say this. 

[Neonmoon 38130]

That’s awesome. Congrats 

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

9 minutes ago, Neonmoon said:

That’s awesome. Congrats 

Thanks man.  I don't think I've missed a day (M-f) at the gym or on the road doing intervals in like 6 months. Including when traveling.  Lot of work. Or total and complete cheating. Sometimes I forget which.  Just happy to be healthy and feeling better than I ever have. Still incredibly sad every time I eat (which is all the time). I wonder when (if?) that ever goes away...

[Wulaw Horn 19232]

Thanksgiving kind of tough. Was always my favorite holiday. Food, family and football. The food is an afterthought now. I ate like 1 spoon of mash potatoes, 1 of stuffing, a little cranberry and 1 small slice of Turkey. Took me forever to eat all that. Oh well. Life goes on I guess. 
187.8 this am. Feels weird now to go 9 days without lifting (gym by my work- 30 minutes away) 

I look great, feel great and am healthy. I’m thankful for all that and would do it all over again for sure, but my brain sure hasn’t required itself not to feel bad about what I’m missing. 

[Not that Bob 739]

7 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

...but my brain sure hasn’t required itself not to feel bad about what I’m missing. 

Not to minimize your feelings, but what you are missing is poor health until an early death. Keep it up. Good work man! Very good work. 

[Gatorubet 30391]

On 9/28/2023 at 12:38 PM, Wulaw Horn said:

Me in my underwear day before surgery. 
 

Spoiler

Me today getting new wardrobe down 130 pounds. 
 

FIFY.  Congrats man!