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[Gatorubet 30185]

8 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

My personal favorite is "inter alia." I had a partner that couldn't seem to resist throwing that into factual and other narratives and it kind of drove me nuts as an adherent of:

OMIT NEEDLESS WORDS

He was otherwise a solid writer and great lawyer. 

One of my lawyer buddies was known as “vis-à-vis Val.”  

I asked one of our new associates whether they still read “Plain English for Lawyers” in law school writing. He told me no. I told him to go get a copy.

[Gatorubet 30185]

21 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Yeah....in one of mine, we were on a break in the hearing where the judge had ordered us all into the jury room to see if we could work out a resolution.  The party on the other side was a W. Texas oilpatch dude who was very used to getting his way, and was ripshit pissed that he wasn't getting it in that case.  I was sitting in a chair, leaned back and offering our terms.  He came at me, fists balled up and ready to go.  I remember watching him and thinking "he's gonna punch me while I'm sitting here in this chair.  That'll hurt.....but goddamned if we won't be in the driver's seat on this case after that."  His attorney also grasped what was going on, and jumped to his feet to steer his client away.  Not sure if I'm glad he did....woulda made for a cooler story if he followed through and left the court in handcuffs.

The closest I’ve been to a fistfight in court was between my two clients. The husband was legit injured, and his wife had a consortium claim as well. They were both avid bowlers involved in leagues together and that was a big part of their lives.

We wondered why the Ds would not settle as we went to trial.   The wife was crossed and said she gave up interest in bowling once her husband could not participate. Then we all had to sit back and make popcorn and watch Defendant’s surveillance videos (made from behind the pins in the lane), showing the wife using an alias and bowling with another man.  She was banging him too, but I think the bowling part was the breach of trust.  

What’s the video ended he stood up to go at her, and I had to restrain him.

Narrator: this was not a plaintiff payday

[dcbc 14465]

12 minutes ago, Red Five said:

I dropped my dixet into your mom's briefs last night.

She described it as ipse-bitsy.

[Brisketexan 105075]

Just now, Gatorubet said:

The closest I’ve been to a fistfight in court was between my two clients. The husband was legit injured, and his wife had a consortium claim as well. They were both avid bowlers involved in leagues together and that was a big part of their lives.

We wondered why the Ds would not settle as we went to trial.   The wife was crossed and said she gave up interest in bowling once her husband could not participate. Then we all had to sit back and make popcorn and watch Defendant’s surveillance videos (made from behind the pins in the lane), showing the wife using an alias and bowling with another man.  She was banging him too, but I think the bowling part was the breach of trust.  

What’s the video ended he stood up to go at her, and I had to restrain him.

Narrator: this was not a plaintiff payday

Did you offer the defendants a 7-10 split settlement?

[dcbc 14465]

5 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Did you offer the defendants a 7-10 split settlement?

So many ways to go with this.

 

 

It's not quite breakfast.  It's not quite lunch.  But it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end.  You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal!

[Underdog 28584]

16 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

The funnier thing is that was likely manufactured at a facility a few blocks from my office, off Burleson Rd here in Austin.   Nothing like mingling with both fleshlight, tesla and TPWD employees while I’m trying to pick up a sandwich for lunch.

Interviewed there for a Mnt Technician position early 2000s.  I guess me asking if we get to sample any products was a deal breaker. 

[Gatorubet 30185]

1 minute ago, Brisketexan said:

Did you offer the defendants a 7-10 split settlement?

it was the worst of all worlds. Wife, like Maggie, got to tell the jury  “Tanks fur nuttin”.  

The jury found for the injured husband in an amount that was extremely low - but not low enough to be outside their discretion.  

[Guest]

Thought there might be news. Silly me. It's all beach fleshlights and lawyer talk.

[Brisketexan 105075]

8 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

Thought there might be news. Silly me. It's all beach fleshlights and lawyer talk.

Don't make us take this thread where it was always meant to go......

[Goredho 17397]

17 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 

oh, now I have a pic.  

Come at me, Bro.

[TwiceHorn 31440]

56 minutes ago, dcbc said:

Nothing makes me giggle like when someone drops ipse dixet into a brief.

I tend to remain studiously ignorant of the meaning of most of these Latin terms. It reduces any temptation to use them. 

[Gatorubet 30185]

3 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

I tend to remain studiously ignorant of the meaning of most of these Latin terms. It reduces any temptation to use them. 

Res Ipsa Loquitur means “your fancy expensive expert won’t say the product is defective” in Latin. 

[HornOnTheBayou 8919]

54 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

The closest I’ve been to a fistfight in court was between my two clients. The husband was legit injured, and his wife had a consortium claim as well. They were both avid bowlers involved in leagues together and that was a big part of their lives.

We wondered why the Ds would not settle as we went to trial.   The wife was crossed and said she gave up interest in bowling once her husband could not participate. Then we all had to sit back and make popcorn and watch Defendant’s surveillance videos (made from behind the pins in the lane), showing the wife using an alias and bowling with another man.  She was banging him too, but I think the bowling part was the breach of trust.  

What’s the video ended he stood up to go at her, and I had to restrain him.

Narrator: this was not a plaintiff payday

The rule of this site is that you must post pictures of any woman in a story. I wish there was some sort of funny movie quote that I could use to illustrate this point. If said quote fit the theme of bowling, that would be even better. But, alas, I cannot think of one.

[Player 4575]

1 hour ago, Gatorubet said:

The closest I’ve been to a fistfight in court was between my two clients. The husband was legit injured, and his wife had a consortium claim as well. They were both avid bowlers involved in leagues together and that was a big part of their lives.

We wondered why the Ds would not settle as we went to trial.   The wife was crossed and said she gave up interest in bowling once her husband could not participate. Then we all had to sit back and make popcorn and watch Defendant’s surveillance videos (made from behind the pins in the lane), showing the wife using an alias and bowling with another man.  She was banging him too, but I think the bowling part was the breach of trust.  

What’s the video ended he stood up to go at her, and I had to restrain him.

Narrator: this was not a plaintiff payday

Were you able to hammer out a joint custody agreement for the pomeranian?

[DDD Dad 14326]

18 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I think I’d rather have my testicles unexpectedly secured to one another via nailgun than read such things. 

[DDD Dad 14326]

3 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Pro tip: brush that sand off before using.

Just…trust me on this.

Is that a little man in a canoe I see?

[Pato del Muerto 52486]

One of the collective nouns for crabs is a consortium. 
 

that tidbit seems relevant on this page. 

[dcbc 14465]

1 hour ago, TwiceHorn said:

I tend to remain studiously ignorant of the meaning of most of these Latin terms. It reduces any temptation to use them. 

Ispe dixit loosely translates to, just because he says it's so don't make it so.

Edited March 7 by dcbc

[dcbc 14465]

1 hour ago, Gatorubet said:

Res Ipsa Loquitur means “your fancy expensive expert won’t say the product is defective” in Latin. 

"Common law," in some circumstances is longhand for "not," as in common-law marriage.

 

"Axiomatic" means we have no legal authority.

Edited March 7 by dcbc

[dcbc 14465]

55 minutes ago, Player said:

Were you able to hammer out a joint custody agreement for the pomeranian?

No damages.  You didn't rent it shoes, you didn't buy it a beer.  It's not taking your turn.

[jimmyjazz 45891]

I took 2 years of Latin in high school, and I honestly didn't think I'd be seeing discussions about the language years down the road.  Yuck.

['stache 21797]

An Oklahoma Supreme Court justice who wrote a ton of opinions over a few decades always refers to the trial court as the nisi prius (always italicized), and it always drives me crazy. He also starts his procedural and factual background section with the title "The Anatomy of Litigation." I was taught to use latin almost never and to talk like a person in my writing, which I do. We studied Bryan Garners book Plain English for Lawyers. 

[Pato del Muerto 52486]

4 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

I took 2 years of Latin in high school, and I honestly didn't think I'd be seeing discussions about the language years down the road.  Yuck.

But did you save Latin?

[jimmyjazz 45891]

3 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

But did you save Latin?

You know what I remember?  Semper Ubi Sub Ubi

[dcbc 14465]

12 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

I took 2 years of Latin in high school, and I honestly didn't think I'd be seeing discussions about the language years down the road.  Yuck.

Surly Motto: We Saved Latin.  What did you ever do?

Edited March 7 by dcbc
Damnit. They beat me to it.

[Underdog 28584]

1 hour ago, Goredho said:

Come at me, Bro.

Too beaucoop. 

[dcbc 14465]

15 minutes ago, 'stache said:

We studied Bryan Garners book Plain English for Lawyers. 

I'm down with the plain English part.  But don't get me started on the Cult of Garner and his convincing lawyers to put citations in the footnotes.  Every time I see that, I end up with whiplash.  And no, please don't make your statement of the issue half a page long.

Edited March 7 by dcbc

[safe sex 11698]

[DDD Dad 14326]

24 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

I took 2 years of Latin in high school, and I honestly didn't think I'd be seeing discussions about the language years down the road.  Yuck.

The hills are alive...with the sound of Latin

[Brisketexan 105075]

17 minutes ago, dcbc said:

But don't get me started on the Cult of Garner and his convincing lawyers to put citations in the footnotes. 

[DDD Dad 14326]

26 minutes ago, dcbc said:

I'm down with the plain English part.  But don't get me started on the Cult of Garner and his convincing lawyers to put citations in the footnotes.  Every time I see that, I end up with whiplash.  And no, please don't make your statement of the issue half a page long.

I remember meeting that guy 20 years ago or so (I think it was at the annual Fifth Circuit Bar Ass'n CLE in New Orleans, which, coincidentally, Sidney Powell chaired).  He was quite proud of himself.

Edited March 7 by DDD Dad

[DDD Dad 14326]

40 minutes ago, 'stache said:

An Oklahoma Supreme Court justice who wrote a ton of opinions over a few decades always refers to the trial court as the nisi prius (always italicized), and it always drives me crazy. He also starts his procedural and factual background section with the title "The Anatomy of Litigation." I was taught to use latin almost never and to talk like a person in my writing, which I do. We studied Bryan Garners book Plain English for Lawyers. 

There's no reason to bring the rule nisi into this.

[The Original Greaser Bob 2822]

I got Latin cancelled at my high school.

[The Original Greaser Bob 2822]

Boy I'm late to this Latin party.

You dotty wee skid marks.

[Gatorubet 30185]

23 minutes ago, DDD Dad said:

The hills are alive...with the sound of Latin

[Brisketexan 105075]

4 minutes ago, The Original Greaser Bob said:

Boy I'm late to this Latin party.

You dotty wee skid marks.

Oh, we're just getting started.  Wait till we start talking about the reversible error that happened during voir dire, and how the appellate panel fucked up, so we're looking to get the court to hear the appeal en banc.  That's right, bitches....we gots us law FRENCH, too.

[Gatorubet 30185]

2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Oh, we're just getting started.  Wait till we start talking about the reversible error that happened during voir dire, and how the appellate panel fucked up, so we're looking to get the court to hear the appeal en banc.  That's right, bitches....we gots us law FRENCH, too.

Stipulation pour autrui you say, cher!?

[The Original Greaser Bob 2822]

Voy Dyer Maker

 

[Keef 764]

29 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

I had a law school class with Bryan Garner.  Zero self-awareness and zero humility.  He got in front of the class and talked endlessly about how smart he was, pausing only to hit on some 3Ls in the front.  He's like a fatter, nerdier, lawyer version of Ron Burgandy, or a chatty, far less accomplished Philip Bobbitt.  I found it endlessly entertaining.

[Gatorubet 30185]

1 minute ago, Keef said:

I had a law school class with Bryan Garner.  Zero self-awareness and zero humility.  He got in front of the class and talked endlessly about how smart he was, pausing only to hit on some 3Ls in the front.

Bryan Garner was the late La Federal judge Martin Feldman? I did not know that. 

[dcbc 14465]

35 minutes ago, DDD Dad said:

He was quite proud of himself.

[dcbc 14465]

36 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

Bryan Garner was the late La Federal judge Martin Feldman? I did not know that. 

Bryan Garner, in someone's opinion I may or may not have overheard and which likely was parody, molests collies whilst sniffing his own farts.

 

Tim Terrell is another writing seminar guru I'd prefer not to hear again.  

 

If you want a book to help shore up your writing, save your money and just grab a Texas Law Review Manual on Usage & Style.  Refer to that if there's any question about usage or grammar.  Other than that, do your best to be clear and concise.  

 

As far as authorities on the subject of written communications, Michael Adams has far more useful things to say about the written word than Garner or Terrell ever could imagine.  And Robert Dubose has some very interesting and well-researched ideas about how more effectively to utilize and organize your writing when what you write will be read on a screen.  Nancy Tuten is an absolute grammar master who has managed to make all the boring rules easier to compartmentalize and remember.

 

But most people who can string a few sentences and paragraphs together by age twenty-five aren't magically going to be transformed into an amazing writer after a writing seminar.  But the ones who have consumed the Garner Kool-Aid are easy to spot. 

Edited March 7 by dcbc

[Brisketexan 105075]

15 minutes ago, dcbc said:

Bryan Garner, in someone's opinion I may or may not have overheard and which likely was parody, molests collies whilst sniffing his own farts.

 

If you want a book to help shore up your writing, save your money and just grab a Texas Law Review Manual on Usage & Style.  Refer to that if there's any question about usage or grammar.  Other than that, do your best to be clear and concise.  

 

As far as authorities on the subject of written communications, Michael Adams has far more useful things to say about the written word than Garner could imagine.  And Robert Dubose has some very interesting and well-researched ideas about how more effectively to utilize and organize your writing when what you write will be read on a screen. 

I'm a fan of Wayne Schiess.  https://law.utexas.edu/faculty/wayne-schiess/  Attended a small presentation of his recently, and found myself nodding and saying "PREACH!" out loud several times, like it was Sunday at an AME church.

[DDD Dad 14326]

17 minutes ago, dcbc said:

Bryan Garner, in someone's opinion I may or may not have overheard and which likely was parody, molests collies whilst sniffing his own farts.

 

If you want a book to help shore up your writing, save your money and just grab a Texas Law Review Manual on Usage & Style.  Refer to that if there's any question about usage or grammar.  Other than that, do your best to be clear and concise.  

 

As far as authorities on the subject of written communications, Michael Adams has far more useful things to say about the written word than Garner could imagine.  And Robert Dubose has some very interesting and well-researched ideas about how more effectively to utilize and organize your writing when what you write will be read on a screen. 

I still refer to my Elements of Style by Strunk & White from law school (Oxford Comma FTW!)

[dcbc 14465]

1 minute ago, DDD Dad said:

I still refer to my Elements of Style by Strunk & White from law school (Oxford Comma FTW!)

That's a good one.  I like the UT book because it clocks in at under 100 pages and could fit in my pocket. 

 

I dug up my old Wariner's book from high school for something I was looking for late last year.  It now resides on my office bookshelf.

 

Stephen King's On Writing is a fun read as well.  

[dcbc 14465]

11 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

I'm a fan of Wayne Schiess.  https://law.utexas.edu/faculty/wayne-schiess/  Attended a small presentation of his recently, and found myself nodding and saying "PREACH!" out loud several times, like it was Sunday at an AME church.

I alternate between the UT Civil and Criminal Appellate seminars every other year.  I'd place pretty high odds on my having heard him speak.  I'll keep an eye out for him and the book.

 

To get back on topic, I think the due date for Trump to cough up someone's money in the EJC suit is just two short days away.

Edited March 7 by dcbc

[TwiceHorn 31440]

1 hour ago, DDD Dad said:

There's no reason to bring the rule nisi into this.

Nihil dicit, damn you. 

[DDD Dad 14326]

31 minutes ago, dcbc said:

That's a good one.  I like the UT book because it clocks in at under 100 pages and could fit in my pocket. 

 

I dug up my old Wariner's book from high school for something I was looking for late last year.  It now resides on my office bookshelf.

 

Stephen King's On Writing is a fun read as well.  

A fellow appellate lawyer I presume?

[SydneyCarton 48062]

The last couple pages of this thread can get fucked and stay all the way fucked. 

[DDD Dad 14326]

16 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

Nihil dicit, damn you.