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[TwiceHorn 31272]

54 minutes ago, dcbc said:

My last depo had a French interpreter.  It took three times longer than it should have.

 

I recognize that there are lawyers who need the action to stay engaged.  I know a lot of them, and to each his/her own.  But as someone who is perfectly content to read, write, and solve the law's little puzzles day in and day out, while take breaks to post on Surly, this side of the law is . . .

 

Yeah mostly same here, particularly in my dotage. 

I used to find grinding patents and filing tms boring af.  It is, but overall not a bad way to make a living. 

[jimmyjazz 45557]

I have a bunch of patents, and for a long time I was bored to death even reviewing my own applications to assist the patent attorney.  Eventually I had to take over management of my (former) company's patent portfolio, and I grew to (kind of) like the minutiae and use of the language.  I mean, not as much as doing my regular invent/develop/design work, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

[Brisketexan 104604]

1 hour ago, dcbc said:

I recognize that there are lawyers who need the action to stay engaged.  I know a lot of them, and to each his/her own. 

I'm one of those.   No apologies.  It takes a particular personality type -- that probably speaks poorly of me, but at least I'm self aware.

I'm also one of the dying breed of litigators who is also a regular appellate practitioner (and pretty damned good at it).  I like both aspects.

But yes, dealing with....people....has become more challenging these last few years.  As our society descends into completely fractious disorder, it's fucking tough.

3 hours ago, Captainant said:

she's burnt out after 4 years of it and dealing with clown fiesta courts and disorganized clerks

This is the hardest part, actually -- the "Calvinball" nature of the courts.  It used to be, you could follow a court's opinions and record, and "what the law is" on certain issues, and advise your clients with some predictability as to how they should act to avoid risk, and/or what the court was likely to do once we're before that court.  Now....who knows?  Sure, the law says X, Fox News and Trump say Y, so....yeah, I can't tell you how it will go.  On the "bright side," that's crystalizing more every day.  What would Trump/Paxton demand the court do?  Then that's what they'll do.  It really doesn't matter what the case law says.

That's frustrating as hell.  I can't tell you how many attorneys and decisionmaker I've talked to who are utterly exasperated by this state of affairs.  It makes it impossible to do business, and certainly impossible to do anything that might touch on "the public good" (because if it's good for the public....it's bad, and should be stopped).  

I started practicing law in a Constitutional Republic.  Today, I'm practicing law in a banana republic, and that's not what I fucking trained for.

[dcbc 14405]

20 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

I'm one of those.   No apologies.  It takes a particular personality type -- that probably speaks poorly of me, but at least I'm self aware.

I'm also one of the dying breed of litigators who is also a regular appellate practitioner (and pretty damned good at it).  I like both aspects.

But yes, dealing with....people....has become more challenging these last few years.  As our society descends into completely fractious disorder, it's fucking tough.

Apologies?  It takes all kinds.  We've had some people roll through here who were very good writers, but that itch for the action has a shelf-life of about 5 years, after which time, they feel the compulsion to head back to the trenches.  

 

And having seen your appellate work (although I didn't know it was you at that time), I'll offer you a sincere tip of the cap because a trial lawyer who can put it down on paper with a good combination of brevity and clarity is greatly appreciated by people who do what I do.  A person who can do trial and appellate well is a rare commodity indeed, and, as you might imagine, I've seen the full gamut of briefing from a quality standpoint.  Oral argument can be helpful, but the briefs are where the rubber meets the road.    

Edited March 7 by dcbc

[TwiceHorn 31272]

5 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

I have a bunch of patents, and for a long time I was bored to death even reviewing my own applications to assist the patent attorney.  Eventually I had to take over management of my (former) company's patent portfolio, and I grew to (kind of) like the minutiae and use of the language.  I mean, not as much as doing my regular invent/develop/design work, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

At one point in my career, I was with a firm that didn't really want to do patents other than litigation.  They didn't order me to fire my clients and let me keep them, but the whole episode was a little eye-opening.

That clued me into how much I actually like and respect most of my clients and enjoy working for and with them to achieve their goals, even if the work is not totally scintillating.  I have since had a couple of clients pass on, and sell their businesses under other circumstances, such as retirement.  Good for them, but still a bit of a bummer.  Turns out it's all about the people pretty much anyway.

[miguelito 11218]

Oh great, we've descended into the lawyer shop talk, AGAIN.

 

Hopefully we don't have to wait till April 25 or whenever to get some new news.

[Covri 6231]

8 minutes ago, miguelito said:

Oh great, we've descended into the lawyer shop talk, AGAIN.

They do love the smell…

[safe sex 11678]

Having read so many casual ramblings from Surly lawyers, I'd be very interested in reading some legal writing from them, just to compare and contrast. 

[Pato del Muerto 52342]

5 minutes ago, safe sex said:

Having read so many casual ramblings from Surly lawyers, I'd be very interested in reading some legal writing from them, just to compare and contrast. 

I think I’d rather have my testicles unexpectedly secured to one another via nailgun than read such things. 

[safe sex 11678]

And that's a fair position to take

[YGIFS 19449]

Well then allow me to regale you all with a brief I wrote in law school:

Milwaukee Nailgun Corp. v. Pato Testicles.  
 

it was awarded the order of the Coif

[Judge Roybeanbag 11810]

3 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

Well then allow me to regale you all with a brief I wrote in law school:

Milwaukee Nailgun Corp. v. Pato Testicles.  
 

it was awarded the order of the Coif

Pretty sure I saw a video of that ruling on Reddit.  

[Pato del Muerto 52342]

1 minute ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Pretty sure I saw a video of that ruling on Reddit.  

Username on-topic

Edited March 7 by Pato del Muerto

[YGIFS 19449]

Wouldn’t doubt it.  It was huge in Belgium.  Changed everything regarding genital-powertool law in Brussels.  

[Judge Roybeanbag 11810]

I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 

oh, now I have a pic.  

Edited March 7 by Judge Roybeanbag

[Doc Sam Beckett 5784]

11 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 

oh, now I have a pic.  

[Judge Roybeanbag 11810]

The funnier thing is that was likely manufactured at a facility a few blocks from my office, off Burleson Rd here in Austin.   Nothing like mingling with both fleshlight, tesla and TPWD employees while I’m trying to pick up a sandwich for lunch.

Edited March 7 by Judge Roybeanbag

[Born to Run 6567]

Wouldn’t doubt it.  It was huge in Belgium.  Changed everything regarding genital-powertool law in Brussels.  

Assuming said genitals were ritualistically shorn and breathtaking.

[MissingInAction 24815]

Claymore justice.

Edited March 7 by MissingInAction

[YGIFS 19449]

32 minutes ago, Born to Run said:

1 hour ago, YGIFS said:

Wouldn’t doubt it.  It was huge in Belgium.  Changed everything regarding genital-powertool law in Brussels.  

Assuming said genitals were ritualistically shorn and breathtaking.

Yeah, your mom gave my scrotum the ol’ Belgian Grip.  I mean Sip.  I mean Dip.  Dammit, I had something for this.  

[WhatTheBuck 28711]

1 hour ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 

oh, now I have a pic.  

Looks like Trump’s neck. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11810]

2 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Looks like Trump’s neck. 

There’s not a vomit emoji, or I’d use it.

[dcbc 14405]

1 hour ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

The funnier thing is that was likely manufactured at a facility a few blocks from my office, off Burleson Rd here in Austin.   Nothing like mingling with both fleshlight, tesla and TPWD employees while I’m trying to pick up a sandwich for lunch.

Just don't confuse the fleshlight warehouse for an Arby's when you're out for that sandwich and you'll be fine. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11810]

8 minutes ago, dcbc said:

Just don't confuse the fleshlight warehouse for an Arby's when you're out for that sandwich and you'll be fine. 

Sir, this is a Wendy’s!  

[Judge Roybeanbag 11810]

I’m thinking that’s what will go on my tombstone.   “Lived Well, Never Caught a Rubber Pussy”.  

[CTC2 2745]

10 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I hate paper discovery (other than production) far worse than depositions.  I actually rather like depositions.  You can practice listening to answers and going where it takes you in a relatively safe environment.

I at least would consider un-retiring if all that was expected of me was to go take depositions. I absolutely used to love doing it.   Really listening like you said, is a developed skill. Being able to detect non verbal body language was also fun. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11810]

17 minutes ago, CTC2 said:

I at least would consider un-retiring if all that was expected of me was to go take depositions. I absolutely used to love doing it.   Really listening like you said, is a developed skill. Being able to detect non verbal body language was also fun. 

My arms are crossed and I’m leaning forward in my chair, I am not combative! 

[YGIFS 19449]

2 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 

oh, now I have a pic.  

So somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, Hope Solo is treading water without a pelvis and you assholes are just cracking jokes and not trying to save her?  Fucking assholes.  

[Shut up Lou Holtz 2005]

7 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

So somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, Hope Solo is treading water without a pelvis and you assholes are just cracking jokes and not trying to save her?  Fucking assholes.  

I will laugh at a hope solo pussy joke every time. Needed this laugh today!

[Bullneck 18987]

52 minutes ago, CTC2 said:

I at least would consider un-retiring if all that was expected of me was to go take depositions. I absolutely used to love doing it.   Really listening like you said, is a developed skill. Being able to detect non verbal body language was also fun. 

Welp, I guess it's time to dust off this classic and remind everyone who our playing field is named after:

 

[dcbc 14405]

26 minutes ago, Bullneck said:

Welp, I guess it's time to dust off this classic and remind everyone who our playing field is was named after:

 

FIFY

[dcbc 14405]

48 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

So somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, Hope Solo is treading water without a pelvis and you assholes are just cracking jokes and not trying to save her?  Fucking assholes.  

I heard she was on the beach.

 

[locodos 5333]

11 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 

oh, now I have a pic.  

razor clam?

[Gatorubet 30098]

2 hours ago, locodos said:

razor clam?

No woman no cry

[YGIFS 19449]

3 hours ago, locodos said:

razor clam?

Weirdest Halloween trick or treat conspiracy theory ever?

[Brisketexan 104604]

I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 
oh, now I have a pic.  

Pro tip: brush that sand off before using.

Just…trust me on this.

[Brisketexan 104604]

Also, I presume that this is going to be the board's new go-to image when the topic is someone having a sandy vag.

 

Edited March 7 by Brisketexan

[RomaVicta 29784]

16 hours ago, safe sex said:

Having read so many casual ramblings from Surly lawyers, I'd be very interested in reading some legal writing from them, just to compare and contrast. 

Wake me up when they can hand over the tapes of their Supreme Court questioning.

[RomaVicta 29784]

14 hours ago, CTC2 said:

I at least would consider un-retiring if all that was expected of me was to go take depositions. I absolutely used to love doing it.   Really listening like you said, is a developed skill. Being able to detect non verbal body language was also fun. 

You wanna go outside and fight, Fatty?

Edited March 7 by RomaVicta
Somebody beat me to it.

[Gatorubet 30098]

16 hours ago, safe sex said:

Having read so many casual ramblings from Surly lawyers, I'd be very interested in reading some legal writing from them, just to compare and contrast. 

[Brisketexan 104604]

6 minutes ago, RomaVicta said:

You wanna go outside and fight, Fatty?

Last night, while I was driving some clients from a client dinner, we drove by one of two courthouses in this state where I have come THIS close to getting into a fistfight.  Didn't start either confrontation....but I was ready to finish 'em.  It's Texas, that shit happens from time to time.

1 minute ago, Gatorubet said:

I bet you lean heavily on "heretofore, "whereas," and "in the instant question."  Supra.

[dcbc 14405]

1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Pro tip: brush that sand off before using.

Just…trust me on this.

And mind the crabs.

[dcbc 14405]

2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Last night, while I was driving some clients from a client dinner, we drove by one of two courthouses in this state where I have come THIS close to getting into a fistfight.  Didn't start either confrontation....but I was ready to finish 'em.  It's Texas, that shit happens from time to time.

I got to watch a "video record" once where it almost went down in court and one of the good-old-boy attorneys strode over to the exit and demanded that opposing counsel come outside to figure things out.  Sometimes, that cold, dead, appellate record heats up.

[Brisketexan 104604]

Just now, dcbc said:

I got to watch a "video record" once where it almost went down in court and one of the good-old-boy attorneys strode over to the exit and demanded that opposing counsel come outside to figure things out.  Sometimes, that cold, dead, appellate record heats up.

Yeah....in one of mine, we were on a break in the hearing where the judge had ordered us all into the jury room to see if we could work out a resolution.  The party on the other side was a W. Texas oilpatch dude who was very used to getting his way, and was ripshit pissed that he wasn't getting it in that case.  I was sitting in a chair, leaned back and offering our terms.  He came at me, fists balled up and ready to go.  I remember watching him and thinking "he's gonna punch me while I'm sitting here in this chair.  That'll hurt.....but goddamned if we won't be in the driver's seat on this case after that."  His attorney also grasped what was going on, and jumped to his feet to steer his client away.  Not sure if I'm glad he did....woulda made for a cooler story if he followed through and left the court in handcuffs.

[Gatorubet 30098]

5 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

I bet you lean heavily on "heretofore, "whereas," and "in the instant question."  Supra.

“Moreover, Respondent’s brief is full of shit and he e-files like a fag….my dude is big hurt and wants a ton of moohla to like - pay me - and some left for the doctor shit….so he quits crying all the time…that’s annoying!”

[TwiceHorn 31272]

My personal favorite is "inter alia." I had a partner that couldn't seem to resist throwing that into factual and other narratives and it kind of drove me nuts as an adherent of:

OMIT NEEDLESS WORDS

He was otherwise a solid writer and great lawyer. 

[dcbc 14405]

2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Yeah....in one of mine, we were on a break in the hearing where the judge had ordered us all into the jury room to see if we could work out a resolution.  The party on the other side was a W. Texas oilpatch dude who was very used to getting his way, and was ripshit pissed that he wasn't getting it in that case.  I was sitting in a chair, leaned back and offering our terms.  He came at me, fists balled up and ready to go.  I remember watching him and thinking "he's gonna punch me while I'm sitting here in this chair.  That'll hurt.....but goddamned if we won't be in the driver's seat on this case after that."  His attorney also grasped what was going on, and jumped to his feet to steer his client away.  Not sure if I'm glad he did....woulda made for a cooler story if he followed through and left the court in handcuffs.

I've had that thought (not in court) of maybe if he punches me, I can leverage the shit out of this.

 

Another video record of a family law proceeding resulted in the client's losing his shit in open court and fighting tooth and nail as the deputies and bailiffs hot tied him and carried him out to the patrol car.  Lots of additional bodycam footage of that one.  Zero remorse or concern as to how this might effect the outcome of his case.

 

Of course, few things beat car chase videos.  I've posted on Surly before about one I saw that took place in Lufkin.  A close second is the guy who had warrants who tried to drive his S-10 Blazer down the boat ramp  and skip it across the Sabine river like that 3rd cousing Cannonball Run movie.  He almost made it.  Then, as his girlfriend exited the car with her hands up, he just floated on down the river to freedom (until the game warden picked him up about 4 miles down river.  Good times.

[dcbc 14405]

1 minute ago, TwiceHorn said:

My personal favorite is "inter alia." I had a partner that couldn't seem to resist throwing that into factual and other narratives and it kind of drove me nuts as an adherent of:

OMIT NEEDLESS WORDS

He was otherwise a solid writer and great lawyer. 

Nothing makes me giggle like when someone drops ipse dixet into a brief.

[Red Five 40660]

I dropped my dixet into your mom's briefs last night.

[Pato del Muerto 52342]

10 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

“Moreover, Respondent’s brief is full of shit and he e-files like a fag….my dude is big hurt and wants a ton of moohla to like - pay me - and some left for the doctor shit….so he quits crying all the time…that’s annoying!”

I revise my previously stated position if this is the content.