Inappropriate teacher interaction

[Mullet Free 40]

My daughter is 12 years old and in the 6th grade. There’s been a male coach in his early 20s at the school that has behaved strangely toward her this year. He lets her and her friends charge their phones in his room. He gives her candy (stereotypical I know) despite not being her teacher. Well last night on a kids chat app she wrote one of those messages saying ask me anything. He responded simply, “your hot”. My wife and I are livid. We asked our daughter if she had received anything like this before from him and she denied it. I tend to believe her, but I’m still concerned. The message as sent read almost like his first little line he threw out there. Hoping for a response like lol you’re crazy or whatever. I think/hope we’ve caught this creep making his attempted first move.

 

Does anyone here have any experience with this type of situation? We’ve already notified the principal at the school of the situation via email. Originally we wanted to let him know in person, but he was unavailable until after school so I felt it couldn’t wait. We’re unsure what the school protocol would be for handling this or if it involves police. I’d love to hear any input from those with experience or in school administration.  

[Horn Dogg 3897]

Do you have a shotgun?

[UT_OB1 2223]

Personally, I’d call the cops as well, at a minimum, to make sure it doesn’t get swept under the rug. I’m assuming you have a screenshot of this. If the school hasn’t done something within a day or two, that screenshot would be on Facebook, Nextdoor and go to the local news. Scorched earth. 

[tx 3 putt 76958]

Contact the school and higher ups, asap

[Mullet Free 40]

18 minutes ago, Horn Dogg said:

Do you have a shotgun?

Yes 

 

6 minutes ago, UT_OB1 said:

Personally, I’d call the cops as well, at a minimum, to make sure it doesn’t get swept under the rug. I’m assuming you have a screenshot of this. If the school hasn’t done something within a day or two, that screenshot would be on Facebook, Nextdoor and go to the local news. Scorched earth. 

Not sure if it’s truly illegal. Going to see what principal says tomorrow. 
 

6 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

Contact the school and higher ups, asap

Already done. She’s not going to school tomorrow. 

[Bevo 13577]

I see the problem: Tell her to respond, "You're".

[UT_OB1 2223]

9 minutes ago, Mullet Free said:

Not sure if it’s truly illegal. Going to see what principal says tomorrow. 
 

Maybe maybe not gif, but I don’t give any admin the benefit of the doubt, and id try to get the cops to show up and ask questions, even if they can’t do anything about it, just to try to force some action. 

Edited April 24, 2023 by UT_OB1

[After irth 1243]

My first question would be:  what the fuck is “coach” doing in a kids’ chat app?  

[immamac 42850]

Put his name here if everyone ignores you and look at a new school. 

[GoPokes83 2240]

Yikes!!! I have a 5th grader and there’s a coach that gives all the kids candy or stuff and it makes my spidey sense tingle, but there’s no way I wouldn’t be on the phone with the cops immediately if she got a text like this from an adult. Don’t call the school until after you call the cops. The school may try and do some “internal” bullshit investigation. Let the principal explain to the police why this asshole is telling her she’s hot.

[Helobious 9454]

53 minutes ago, Bevo said:

I see the problem: Tell her to respond, "You're".

That’s not the deeper issue. It’s that she put out an “ask me anything” message and he didn’t respond with a question. 

[Mullet Free 40]

Looks like we’ll find out pretty quickly. Meeting with principal at 825. The perp was tipped off and changed the account name and avatar associated with the message. I’m guessing when he was told to stay home today he figured it out. Obviously we have screenshot of the message and also of his vanilla comments on other 12 year old girl friends’ TikTok videos. 

[troph 24798]

I’m not sure if that behavior alone is cops arrest him illegal but it most certainly would violate the districts code of conduct, he should be fired and there should be some amount of questioning to see if this is all there is or if he’s done more. 
 

way to stay vigilant!! 

[Guest]

I would report the findings immediately to school principal, at a minimum, especially with the text.(edit: see now that is what is happening)

Our son went through this on behalf of some female students being harassed/ approached by an instructor/ teacher in a serious way. Son and another male student reported their instructor for texts/ putting girls deliberately in compromising positions( not physical)  After an investigation, dude was relieved of his duties and rumor was that he lost military benefits.  Mofo should have been prosecuted for what was provable via texts.  

The single biggest factor we were proud of, is how many girls / former students came back to say el creepo had done the same shit to them. He can't do it any more, at least from a position of authority.

It's behavior that has to be eradicated.  Report it.  Every time.

Edited April 24, 2023 by slorch

[Herbie Hancock 7348]

I’m not sure if that behavior alone is cops arrest him illegal but it most certainly would violate the districts code of conduct, he should be fired and there should be some amount of questioning to see if this is all there is or if he’s done more. 
 
way to stay vigilant!! 

Bingo. My wife was a teacher/coach for 12 years. This is absolutely impermissible contact.

[Viper 12109]

I would also talk to the other girls' parents. Odds are she's not the first, or at least there's a pattern of behavior that can be discovered when one person comes forward and shares their experience. 

[Your Mom 4806]

Any communication to the principle is purely for sake of keeping them in loop as a courtesy, this is above their pay grade.  Cops and superintendent is where I’d begin.  

[Post Oak 20213]

19 minutes ago, Your Mom said:

Any communication to the principle is purely for sake of keeping them in loop as a courtesy, this is above their pay grade.  Cops and superintendent is where I’d begin.  

I agree with this.  

[HornOnTheBayou 8922]

25 minutes ago, Your Mom said:

Any communication to the principle is purely for sake of keeping them in loop as a courtesy, this is above their pay grade.  Cops and superintendent is where I’d begin.  

Let's see how the initial meeting with the principal goes. If the principal doesn't pursue it, then obviously go over his head. However, chances are the principal is going to take care of this. 

 

[DallasHorn26 586]

I’ll echo what everyone else says. Go to superintendents office immediately. This is completely inappropriate and unacceptable. The fact that he is even on their chat apps or tik tok is unacceptable.

[immamac 42850]

45 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

Let's see how the initial meeting with the principal goes. If the principal doesn't pursue it, then obviously go over his head. However, chances are the principal is going to take care of this. 

 

There is a 0% chance that the principal is going to take care of this. OP needs to listen to everyone. 

[HornOnTheBayou 8922]

1 minute ago, immamac said:

There is a 0% chance that the principal is going to take care of this. OP needs to listen to everyone. 

That is simply not true. I've worked in public schools for a long time now and administrations take this shit extremely seriously.

Now with that said, the principal is not going to keep Mullet apprised of every part of the investigation, because HR won't let him. But the administration is going to take care of this. Especially when it's such an open and shut case. 

If they don't, then yes, of course take it to the district level. 

[immamac 42850]

3 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

That is simply not true. I've worked in public schools for a long time now and administrations take this shit extremely seriously.

Now with that said, the principal is not going to keep Mullet apprised of every part of the investigation, because HR won't let him. But the administration is going to take care of this. Especially when it's such an open and shut case. 

If they don't, then yes, of course take it to the district level. 

Yeah that's just not how any of this works. It's not up to the school and the liability is at the district level. This is like letting the store manager of a best buy figure out what to do when 2 black Friday shoppers get into a physical altercation in the store and they decide who gets to leave with the item. Thats not how any of this works. 

[Viper 12109]

13 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

That is simply not true. I've worked in public schools for a long time now and administrations take this shit extremely seriously.

Now with that said, the principal is not going to keep Mullet apprised of every part of the investigation, because HR won't let him. But the administration is going to take care of this. Especially when it's such an open and shut case. 

If they don't, then yes, of course take it to the district level. 

 

8 minutes ago, immamac said:

Yeah that's just not how any of this works. It's not up to the school and the liability is at the district level. This is like letting the store manager of a best buy figure out what to do when 2 black Friday shoppers get into a physical altercation in the store and they decide who gets to leave with the item. Thats not how any of this works. 

I don't know who's correct here but I do know that there's really no downside to telling the superintendent and higher ups as well as the principal. 

[Dbeasy 15051]

The problem with engaging only at the principal level is that they could try to quietly fire him, and he could be teaching next fall in another district. 

[Herbie Hancock 7348]

That is simply not true. I've worked in public schools for a long time now and administrations take this shit extremely seriously.
Now with that said, the principal is not going to keep Mullet apprised of every part of the investigation, because HR won't let him. But the administration is going to take care of this. Especially when it's such an open and shut case. 
If they don't, then yes, of course take it to the district level. 

There are multiple examples in the news of administrators trying to sweep shit like this under the rug. Hell we have a substantial thread about someone here being wrapped up in an event just like this last year, and there's 4 administrators facing criminal charges because they tried to hide it. This isn't an I want to talk to the manager because your employee was rude moment. Scorched fucking earth is the only acceptable response to this.

[Mullet Free 40]

I appreciate all the input. 
 

The meeting this morning went well. The one hiccup was that the initial summary I sent last night with a screenshot was trapped in his spam folder so when we showed up he had no clue of the issue. He grasped it pretty quickly and acknowledged the obvious. It was beyond inappropriate and he would have to do an investigation of the situation. Contact the district office and HR etc. We submitted a statement as well as our daughter. There’s already been phone calls back and forth with him providing more info. Screenshots of him commenting on other students posts and so on. I’m glad we kept her home today, because I’m assuming the coach was at the school today since they were unaware of the gravity of the situation. We went to the principal first because it seemed like a good place to start. He’s a young go getter, former military type. By the book I would guess. We’ve been satisfied with his response so far. 
 

We’ve been on the fence about involving the cops because we were unsure of the illegality of everything and our daughter has seemed very unfazed by it. She’s pretty naive. Only when I compared the situation to me texting one of her friends and telling them that they’re hot did she grasp the grossness of it all. We’re worried about her having to go through a bunch of police interactions and somehow coming out thinking she is to blame or feeling any shame at all. That’s my #1 concern navigating this situation. 
 

On the other side if we do call the cops, they’ll have some kind of cyber expert that can really determine what activity this guy has been up to with all the girls. I’m a little concerned that he’s already tried to cover his tracks. I think we’ll decide whether to call the cops after our next in depth conversation with the principal. Hopefully soon. 

[Da Fino 2783]

Out of curiosity and for future reference for when my own kids have phones, how did you catch this and what app was it on? 

[Mullet Free 40]

Here’s the profile change. Before with his real name. 
 

 

And after. 
 

 

 

[Mullet Free 40]

2 minutes ago, Da Fino said:

Out of curiosity and for future reference for when my own kids have phones, how did you catch this and what app was it on? 

We take their phones before they go to bed every night. Wife does the necessary digging. It’s all pretty easy to uncover. She’s not on Snapchat because our understanding is that messages automatically delete on that one. 

[destroya 377]

Did the principal commit to any course of action or outline what the next steps would be, ie will the coach immediately be removed from the campus?   

[Mullet Free 40]

10 minutes ago, destroya said:

Did the principal commit to any course of action or outline what the next steps would be, ie will the coach immediately be removed from the campus?   

I think he was caught off guard a bit by the severity of all and as I said he’s a buttoned up guy. He said he has to conduct an investigation basically and he would get back to me asap. I’m assuming they’re making initial contact with the perv and confronting him with evidence? I’m interested to see if the full time sheriff at the school has been brought in to help as well. 

[High Plains Drifter 11049]

 

I would bet money that the district has a policy that says district employees are only allowed to communicate with students via district email, or a group chat that includes their parents and an administrator (like if the band director needed to send out info for all band members which parents should be getting also.) Our district has what is called "remind" which anybody can sign up for, and it basically allows only one person to send out texts, which cannot be responded to.

Absolutely no one-on-one contact like this. Violation is an immediate termination. 

 

He should be fired immediately. If he's not, put their shit on blast.

The SRO or the district should then conduct an investigation to see if he's an actual perv, or just a dumbass.

If he's just a dumbass, he'll get a job at another district.

 

In a few months, once all the hubbub has died down, then you can find him and beat him with a motorcycle chain.

 

 

 

 

[tx 3 putt 76958]

4 hours ago, Your Mom said:

Any communication to the principle is purely for sake of keeping them in loop as a courtesy, this is above their pay grade.  Cops and superintendent is where I’d begin.  

 Correct go straight to the top

[Bevo 13577]

wrong thread

Edited April 24, 2023 by Bevo

[Jerry Callo 8703]

1 hour ago, Mullet Free said:

We’ve been on the fence about involving the cops because we were unsure of the illegality of everything and our daughter has seemed very unfazed by it. She’s pretty naive. Only when I compared the situation to me texting one of her friends and telling them that they’re hot did she grasp the grossness of it all. We’re worried about her having to go through a bunch of police interactions and somehow coming out thinking she is to blame or feeling any shame at all. That’s my #1 concern navigating this situation. 

Be careful with your daughter.  Middle school can be brutal.  Don't be surprised that when classmates find out that coach was turned in or fired your daughter experiences some issues from other kids.

I have no doubt that there are kids and parents that believe this coach is the greatest guy ever and will back him in what they believe is a witch hunt.

I'm glad you found this when you did and went directly to the principal.  The coach has no business working with kids.

[Texzilla58 4735]

Part of the discussion with the principal must require the inclusion of the superintendent. Hopefully your daughters friends parents she was communicating with have all been notified about this creep and dove in as well.

This creep needs to be investigated as he is likely grooming girls for bad things. The principal should be aware of this shit about being a charging station and handing out candy to kids. Why aren’t other teachers seeing this and turning his ass in. I would also meet with the police child/sex crimes unit, even if you don’t bring in your daughter in pressing the matter, to find out how to protect your daughter and train her to stay away from these phone activities. They are dangerous for kids her age and other kids can turn tucking evil in a heartbeat.

It’s too bad this creep can’t just be fed into a wood chipper. He is a predator and at some point he will turn evil if he hasn’t already. Male teachers in middle school and below give me the creeps.

[destroya 377]

1 hour ago, Mullet Free said:

I think he was caught off guard a bit by the severity of all and as I said he’s a buttoned up guy. He said he has to conduct an investigation basically and he would get back to me asap. I’m assuming they’re making initial contact with the perv and confronting him with evidence? I’m interested to see if the full time sheriff at the school has been brought in to help as well. 

That sounds like a potentially and vague bullshit answer.  How long with the investigation take place, and what did he mean by getting back to you ASAP (the end of the day or the end of the week)?  What will the investigation entail, and is there a district wide procedure for how such incidents are handled or is the principal winging it?  Will the coach be suspended/removed from campus during the investigation?  Absent him immediately removing the coach from the school, I would contact the superintendent.  

I would also be concerned about him badmouthing your daughter to her classmates, if he's allowed to remain on campus, and is in fact a groomer. 

 

[Mullet Free 40]

24 minutes ago, destroya said:

That sounds like a potentially and vague bullshit answer.  How long with the investigation take place, and what did he mean by getting back to you ASAP (the end of the day or the end of the week)?  What will the investigation entail, and is there a district wide procedure for how such incidents are handled or is the principal winging it?  Will the coach be suspended/removed from campus during the investigation?  Absent him immediately removing the coach from the school, I would contact the superintendent.  

I would also be concerned about him badmouthing your daughter to her classmates, if he's allowed to remain on campus, and is in fact a groomer. 

 

He’s been pulled from campus. Will not be there tomorrow so she will be going and taking the Staar exam. The investigation is now in the hands of district HR. They’ve been given everything that I provided. It’s at the district’s discretion as to whether police will be brought in. 
 

My wife and I will have to talk and determine if we want to push separately for police involvement. But, I am confident that he will never step foot on campus again. 
 

1 hour ago, Jerry Callo said:

Be careful with your daughter.  Middle school can be brutal.  Don't be surprised that when classmates find out that coach was turned in or fired your daughter experiences some issues from other kids.

I have no doubt that there are kids and parents that believe this coach is the greatest guy ever and will back him in what they believe is a witch hunt.

I'm glad you found this when you did and went directly to the principal.  The coach has no business working with kids.

this is our concern. Not so much from parents, but other kids there. If/when it’s discovered why he vanished I worry about her being blamed or shamed by classmates. Seeking out the police on our own guarantees that happens imo. 

[immamac 42850]

1 minute ago, Mullet Free said:

He’s been pulled from campus. Will not be there tomorrow so she will be going and taking the Staar exam. The investigation is now in the hands of district HR. They’ve been given everything that I provided. It’s at the district’s discretion as to whether police will be brought in. 
 

My wife and I will have to talk and determine if we want to push separately for police involvement. But, I am confident that he will never step foot on campus again. 
 

this is our concern. Not so much from parents, but other kids there. If/when it’s discovered why he vanished I worry about her being blamed or shamed by classmates. Seeking out the police on our own guarantees that happens imo. 

Yeah, better to protect your daughter from some embarrassment and bullying than a dude who is openly grooming and inappropriately engaging with children. 

Your whole 'we dunno if the cops should be involved' schtick is fucking bonkers to me. This is straight up a kid diddler waiting to diddle and you are acting like it's alright if he's fired and that's that. 

I'm not a big fan of ever talking to the police, but this is the one exception. You always always always always get this on his permanent record. He needs to be arrested for this and it needs to show up on every background check, it should follow him for life. This isn't an "oops, I messed up" mistake this is a life ruiner and this person should never ever be able to be around kids ever again. 

[Skipper 6135]

10 minutes ago, immamac said:

 

I'm not a big fan of ever talking to the police, but this is the one exception. You always always always always get this on his permanent record. He needs to be arrested for this and it needs to show up on every background check

Serious question - If he takes the police a screenshot that says "your hot" is that grounds for arrest?  Clearly it's grounds for termination from the school but is that in and of itself a prosecutable crime?

[Mullet Free 40]

10 minutes ago, immamac said:

Yeah, better to protect your daughter from some embarrassment and bullying than a dude who is openly grooming and inappropriately engaging with children. 

Your whole 'we dunno if the cops should be involved' schtick is fucking bonkers to me. This is straight up a kid diddler waiting to diddle and you are acting like it's alright if he's fired and that's that. 

I'm not a big fan of ever talking to the police, but this is the one exception. You always always always always get this on his permanent record. He needs to be arrested for this and it needs to show up on every background check, it should follow him for life. This isn't an "oops, I messed up" mistake this is a life ruiner and this person should never ever be able to be around kids ever again. 

You missed the part where there’s no guarantee he actually did anything truly illegal. So, yes I do lean towards protecting my daughter if there’s not a great chance of positive resolution. She’s at a very impressionable age and as it sits now doesn’t seem affected by it. Is that still the case if multiple classmates and families are getting interviewed by the cops and it blows up into a big story in town, but he still just gets fired?

 

I’m not pretending to have all the answers and I’m willing to change my mind as conditions change. For now I think we’re waiting and watching. 

[Doc Daneeka 6769]

18 minutes ago, immamac said:

Yeah, better to protect your daughter from some embarrassment and bullying than a dude who is openly grooming and inappropriately engaging with children. 

Your whole 'we dunno if the cops should be involved' schtick is fucking bonkers to me. This is straight up a kid diddler waiting to diddle and you are acting like it's alright if he's fired and that's that. 

I'm not a big fan of ever talking to the police, but this is the one exception. You always always always always get this on his permanent record. He needs to be arrested for this and it needs to show up on every background check, it should follow him for life. This isn't an "oops, I messed up" mistake this is a life ruiner and this person should never ever be able to be around kids ever again. 

I like the wood chipper and motorcycle chains approach, so I’m not defending the guy here. 

What law are you thinking he violated here?

[Foosters 17856]

6 minutes ago, Skipper said:

Serious question - If he takes the police a screenshot that says "your hot" is that grounds for arrest?  Clearly it's grounds for termination from the school but is that in and of itself a prosecutable crime?

I doubt it. Could always try and file a police report to CYA, but he's not going to be arrested for it.

[Skipper 6135]

26 minutes ago, Foosters said:

I doubt it. Could always try and file a police report to CYA, but he's not going to be arrested for it.

That was my instinct as well. Which is why I figured I must be missing something if immanac was so confident he should go straight to the policy.  My guess was their response would be "This is not evidence of a crime.  Nothing I can do."  Now he can and should press a school investigation which could obviously lead to actual evidence of a crime.

[Viper 12109]

33 minutes ago, Mullet Free said:

You missed the part where there’s no guarantee he actually did anything truly illegal. 

You know who's good at finding stuff like this out?

 

The police. 

[Doc Daneeka 6769]

12 minutes ago, Viper said:

You know who's good at finding stuff like this out?

 

The police. 

They’re really not. 

Apart from that, I’m not sure how desirable it is for the cops to investigate without a crime. Where’s the evidence of a crime? What even is the crime?

Edited April 24, 2023 by Doc Daneeka

[Baboontyme 2812]

I think you're doing just fine @Mullet Free

I have some fairly close up experience with a handful of public school administrations and I would feel pretty good about them taking the proper chain of command steps. It's not 1998 anymore, there are protocols and mandatory reporting likely in place depending on the school district. There is massive liability involved if they sweep this under the rug and this guy then gets hired somewhere else and diddles children. At this stage you have no evidence of a crime being committed and the school district has no incentive that you know of to not handle this properly. Until your spidey sense starts going off I think your approach is completely logical. If they start going off the rails and into cover up mode all you need to do is activate surly. Hell Nicole will probably have the guy drugged and in Town Lake by 10 pm tonight. 

[immamac 42850]

super fucking weird that he was grooming your daughter and you think it was just the 'Your hot' message.

https://www.ueatexas.com/improper-student-relationships/

[Doc Daneeka 6769]

7 minutes ago, immamac said:

super fucking weird that he was grooming your daughter and you think it was just the 'Your hot' message.

https://www.ueatexas.com/improper-student-relationships/

Your link contains some references to statutes. Which ones do you feel are violated by a “your hot” message?

That the conduct is odious and likely violates school policy and should get him fired doesn’t make it illegal. It may be, I suppose, but I can’t figure out on which statute a prosecution would be based.