What your favorite “Sad Dad Band” says about you

[C-Man 27285]

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/what-your-favorite-sad-dad-band-says-about-you

 

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DECEMBER 30, 2022

MCSWEENEY’S TOP 20 OF 2022

WHAT YOUR FAVORITE SAD DAD BAND SAYS ABOUT YOU

by JOHN MOE

 

- - -

The War on Drugs

You make your own paella and take super long naps on Saturday. Like over two hours, consistently. You prefer the smallest possible hardware store with the oldest possible employees. You used to sincerely call male friends “brother,” but you stopped.

 

The National

You should have moved to Brooklyn when you had the chance. You never had the chance. At what point does the artisanal whiskey interest become just alcoholism with a higher word count? You used to think you were once great at soccer, but now you’re not so sure you were ever good at soccer. This is causing a very low-level existential crisis that will vanish in three years.

 

Wilco

What if your own sad dad had more shirts and more of a beard and more debt and more fun, and there was just more of him in general? Your Charles Bronson knowledge doesn’t need to be acknowledged. Your son’s friends know not to get you started on amps. You’ve never figured out your relationship with the idea of camping.

 

Pavement

Your son’s friends like you and worry about you but they don’t tell your son this. You point out where things used to be when you drive around town, but all the things you point out are somewhat shady and confusing. Was that place a dance club? A friend’s house? Were there parties there or just a drug dealer? You may have misplaced your David Foster Wallace books in the last move, or your spouse quietly donated them. You like walnuts now.

 

Pearl Jam

You have a lot to say about the little restaurant on the coast where you’ve actually become good friends with the owner. He let you come by in the afternoon once and learn about cooking shellfish. You shake your head at the word “crypto.” Four of your friends are named Josh, and one dead friend is named Josh. You’re glad you don’t work in “business development” anymore. You wake up screaming sometimes.

 

Bright Eyes

Someone hurt you. Multiple someones, actually, and at some point, you just said fuck it and made a spreadsheet to keep track, deleted the spreadsheet, undeleted it, and stored it in a file titled PAST. You’re nearing a point where you like making pesto more than eating pesto. Never been a sports fan but might give hockey another try.

 

Father John Misty

You and your friends still drop Mr. Show references to each other over text. You haven’t had as many Zoom calls with them as you all said you wanted to have. You’ll inevitably watch any movie The Rock is in. Kayaks.

 

Arcade Fire

Look, you know that the term “PTA” puts a lot of people off but what if we could remake it in a way to really benefit the school AND the kids? Maybe there could be parents-only events at night, like at the brewpub, like a low-key fundraiser—I mean, hell, maybe your band can play. You also refer to Paul Thomas Anderson as “PTA,” and sometimes people don’t know which PTA you’re talking about.

 

Bon Iver

Perhaps the most accurate term to apply to your situation is “seriously injured and lost in the woods.”

 

Modest Mouse

What are you on? What are YOU… ON? You’re on LIFE, man. Life and energy drinks. No, you haven’t heard from Jen in many years now. You heard she might have moved back to town, actually. You’re not on Facebook, because, yeah, that’s all you need, THOSE people listening in. Your bike is transportation to and subject of the protests you attend.

 

My Morning Jacket

You know how to cook an eel.

 

 

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Pixies

You’re fine working in software development. You’ve been there a long time, your friends are there, no one else in the company knows what the fuck you do all the time, but that’s because their brains can’t handle it. You don’t even like IPAs anymore. Your daughter moved back home.

 

Everclear

You died seven years ago.

 

Death Cab for Cutie

Academia isn’t nearly as much fun as people think it is, but it’s nice being on the other side of the tenure process. You joined a rowing crew but your shoulder is all fucked up so you had to stop, for now anyway. Clearly, your fandom for The Bachelor can no longer be considered to be ironic. As you sit in the Adirondack chair in the backyard, an hour after sunset, you fire up a joint and a dissociative disorder.

 

The Mountain Goats

You have received sensible health care. You drive Toyota cars and your dalliance with a used domestic pickup that had character did not end well. Your tolerance for people telling you a lot about building a computer ends at the nineteen-minute mark, at which point you politely excuse yourself. Without explanation, you decline the escape room team-building event at work.

 

The New Pornographers

You’re pretty good at building fences, enough so that people ask you for help building their fences and then pay you a little something despite your protests. Should you just become a fence guy? Eh, you’ll stay with this finance thing for now. You are reading a book about naval mishaps.

 

LCD Soundsystem

You received a stand for your keyboard for Christmas. You can ski pretty well. Stephen Sondheim’s death hit you harder than you expected. You have mentally composed but never posted an OkCupid profile.

 

Counting Crows

Turns out that if you really want to get anywhere in the commercial cannabis industry, it’s all about who you know.

 

R.E.M.

Can someone really know all this stuff about cucumbers? You are proof that someone can. You have more of a comment than a question. You are giving the Catholic Church another chance. High-top Chuck Taylors hurt. You remember what making out felt like when you were seventeen years old, and you’re writing it down so you always will. Your sister had friends named Connie and Tracy that your dad called “Bonnie and Stacy,” and everyone in the house got audibly mad at him about it. You have a favorite sock brand.

[Al_4_ISU 12503]

Jesus, that's great.

[mdmost 43056]

You play the keyboard, C-Man?

[Shoxthemonkey 1983]

Anybody need a hand with a fucking fence?

[Kennythetiger 9479]

“You’ve never figured out your relationship with the idea of camping.”  

[jimmyjazz 46228]

The great irony for me is that Wilco is my favorite band on the list, and I'm not entirely sure I get the stereotype.  

Therefore, I am probably the stereotype.

[Al_4_ISU 12503]

Pearl Jam and Wilco are my two favorite bands on that list. 

The Pearl Jam one hit closer to the bone, but I appreciated the "you've never figured out your relationship with the idea of camping" which is fucking spot on for me.

Edited May 5, 2023 by Al_4_ISU

[Kennythetiger 9479]

6 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

The great irony for me is that Wilco is my favorite band on the list, and I'm not entirely sure I get the stereotype.  

Therefore, I am probably the stereotype.

I didn’t understand any of the stereotype until I hit the camping part and thought, “Fuck me.”  

[jimmyjazz 46228]

I am disappointed that Spoon didn't get the treatment.  I mean, that's just ripe for the taking.

"Secretly enjoyed your differential equations class, but mostly studied at the campus espresso bar.  Still wear patchouli on special occasions.  Stoked about your Apple 2e find at the neighbor's garage sale.  Not happy about spending the weekend in Dallas for your daughter's Irish Dance competition."

[Al_4_ISU 12503]

11 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

I didn’t understand any of the stereotype until I hit the camping part and thought, “Fuck me.”  

Exactly.

I guess I got the part about the amps.  Not that I'm really an amp guy, but there are a litany of subjects that my kids' friends will eventually learn not to get me started on.

[Al_4_ISU 12503]

8 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

I am disappointed that Spoon didn't get the treatment.  I mean, that's just ripe for the taking.

"Secretly enjoyed your differential equations class, but mostly studied at the campus espresso bar.  Still wear patchouli on special occasions.  Stoked about your Apple 2e find at the neighbor's garage sale.  Not happy about spending the weekend in Dallas for your daughter's Irish Dance competition."

The Replacements would have been a fun one.

"Really proud of the junk drawer in your garage.  Like to brag about how little you spend on cars.  You have lots of feelings, but you're from the Midwest so you bottle them up and let them rot your soul from the inside.  Your kids' friends know that you'd smoke weed with them - but only if your kid isn't around."

[C-Man 27285]

1 hour ago, mdmost said:

You play the keyboard, C-Man?

Ha! I've played one musical instrument in my life and it was piano back in elementary/middle school. I could barely find Middle C now, I bet.

Some of my all-time favorites (War on Drugs, National, Wilco, Pavement, FJM, Arcade Fire, MMJ, LCD, Pixies, R.E.M.) on this list and I see things in ALL of them that could fit me.

"Kayaks." LOL

[elguapo 4586]

I don't think I know how to cook an eel, but maybe I do?

[rage-a-holic 4488]

I have zero interest in ever visiting Brooklyn and I hate soccer.

[tbone_ 14183]

JFC I’m old. None of those bands appeal to me. Other than the early Pearl Jam shit.

What about Isbell, or Sturgill, or Stapleton, or Tyler Childers?

[Upgrayedd 5821]

28 minutes ago, rage-a-holic said:

I have zero interest in ever visiting Brooklyn and I hate soccer.

Edited May 5, 2023 by Upgrayedd
I’m a moran

[jimmyjazz 46228]

19 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

What about Isbell, or Sturgill, or Stapleton, or Tyler Childers?

"You mostly listen to Lynyrd Skynrd, Foghat, and Free.  You had truck testicles but eventually removed them when your wife threatened divorce.  Your bowling average is 162.  You claim meat and potatoes but secretly love cous cous.  You cry every time you rent 'Marley and Me'".

[Upgrayedd 5821]

29 minutes ago, elguapo said:

I don't think I know how to cook an eel, but maybe I do?

First, you make a roux 

[hullabelew 3724]

Did someone mention camping?   Evan Dando weighed in a few years ago.

 

 

Always had a roof above me
Always paid the rent
But I've never set foot inside a tent
Can't build a fire to save my life
I lied about being the outdoor type

 

I've never slept out underneath the stars,
The closest that I came to that was one time my car
Broke down for an hour in the suburbs at night
I lied about being the outdoor type

.

Too scared to let you know you knew what you were looking for
I lied until I fit the bill god bless the great indoors
I lied about being the outdoor type
I've never owned a sleeping bag let alone a mountain bike

 

I can't go away with you on a rock climbing weekend
What if somethings on tv and its never shown again
Its just as well I'm not invited I'm afraid of heights
I lied about being the outdoor type

 

Never learned to swim can't grow a beard or even fight
I lied about being the outdoor type

[jimmyjazz 46228]

Damn that guy can write a song.

[tbone_ 14183]

"You mostly listen to Lynyrd Skynrd, Foghat, and Free.  You had truck testicles but eventually removed them when your wife threatened divorce.  Your bowling average is 162.  You claim meat and potatoes but secretly love cous cous.  You cry every time you rent 'Marley and Me'".

That’s only partially true

[jimmyjazz 46228]

6 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

That’s only partially true

You still have the truck testicles?

[hullabelew 3724]

25 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

Damn that guy can write a song.

I am now officially back into a Lemonhead's free fall.  

[freyguy 4305]

[Celery Man 21003]

Lol you’re at the point where you’re making pesto more than you are eating pesto.

 

probably wilco for me, although a lot of these guys are in the rotation. Death Cab is more of a nostalgia listen, Bright Eyes can be although Better Oblivion Communtiy Center is great. Mountain Goats may be my runner up band to Wilco in terms of who I identify most with, although I’ve probably listened to like 10% of the catalog.

[Pescado_Rojo 19431]

Well, I guess I need to dig into the Mountain Goats a bit more. 

[Chad Fuck 17812]

The Wilco one is pretty pretty on point.  

Pixies (got my tix for this latest tour holla!), less so. 

[GenXer 3032]

Got tix for Pearl Jam and Pixies this year. And, I’m in software development. Pixies one hits close to home.

Oh yeah, I saw Everclear a couple weeks ago. I think I’m still alive. The simulation still has me as an active character.

[CooterBrown 18032]

A list of sad dad bands without the Foo Fighters is suspect. They're the ultimate you've given up on life and buy your clothes at Costco dad rock band.

I'd guess out of that list, Pearl Jam would be my favorite but I don't recognize any output beyond Vitalogy.

Pavement would be a close second.

 

[Rimbo 26141]

I have one album by all of those bands combined, although I've got a few singles from soundtracks.

I think my sad Dad bands are all now sad Grandfather bands.

[Sbbruin 21898]

Everclear

You died seven years ago.

 

perfect

[Al_4_ISU 12503]

24 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:

A list of sad dad bands without the Foo Fighters is suspect. They're the ultimate you've given up on life and buy your clothes at Costco dad rock band.

I'd guess out of that list, Pearl Jam would be my favorite but I don't recognize any output beyond Vitalogy.

Pavement would be a close second.

 

There isn't really any sad Foo Fighters music though.  I think that was kind of a component of the list.

You're missing out on some excellent Pearl Jam too.

Edited May 9, 2023 by Al_4_ISU

[DixonHur 11395]

REM should have two entries, one for the crap they released under Warner Brothers, and one for the awesome I.R.S Records years.  

[Celery Man 21003]

true mountain goat dads sing what their toddler is doing/about to do in john darnielle voice