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American food in Germany....

Brisketexan

By Brisketexan
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Kyrie Eleison

Kyrie Eleison 9312

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Hank_Hill said:

Is Haribo bears giving people diarrhea a thing?

1. From a review titled: "Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate."

"What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM."

2. From a review titled: "Be sure to buy Oxyclean too!"

"Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans."

3. From a review titled: "Yup - Believe the hype!"

"I saw the product reviews and told some coworkers, so we bought a bag (because who doesn't want to spend the workday on the toilet AND get paid, right??). Brought them in yesterday morning and a bunch of the guys immediately downed a handful each. Within half an hour they were in the bathroom. Best moment of the day was when one of them (who had been in the bathroom for half an hour by that point) texted one of the others. 'If you think it's a fart....it's NOT.' hahhaaaaaa"

4. From a review titled: "It's. All. True."

"OMG. Everything previously written is true. It's all true. Don't eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines."

5. From a review titled: "Fully weaponized Gummy Bears"

"The cramping started about an hour later, and soon enough I was as bloated as a balloon in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home's septic system AND my will to live. After three hours of a pelvis-shaking Gummy Bear assault, I was spongy and weak, surprised that I had any bones left. I cursed Haribo with the little strength I could muster."

6. From a review titled: "AWESOME and EXPLOSIVE!!"

"The explosive gas let loose and to an explosive shart!!! 1 mile from home on my walk and it was a long 1 mile back and I had a mess!! Fortunately for compression shorts it didn't run down my legs!! Now I had to hold the gas for fear of blowing my entire intestines out into my shorts!! I made it home and what happened then was like something out of Dante's Inferno!!! My butt became an upside down volcano!! Best to stock up on toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner as you will totally spray the bowl and back of the seat!! I would no sooner get done and have to go again. When you get the urge to "go" you best be in proximity of toilet!!! I spent hours on the toilet."

7. From a review titled: "You dont understand."

"I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing.

When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true.

Eat two at a time. Three if you're brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE."

8. From a review titled: "Excellent taste, in small portions."

"During one of the last of the 8 trips to the bathroom, I released such a large volume of gas that my external anal sphincter could not do it's job, and remained open/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. I've never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that I had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the anal sphincter muscle."

9. From a review titled: "Gastrointestinal Armageddon"

"After a few hours, I had an EXTREME build-up of gas with no relief. All I could do was lie on my bed and pray for a fart. That might sound funny, but when you've eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, you're pleading for relief."
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Hank_Hill

Hank_Hill 18876

Posted
Posted
12 minutes ago, Kyrie Eleison said:

1. From a review titled: "Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate."

"What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM."

2. From a review titled: "Be sure to buy Oxyclean too!"

"Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans."

3. From a review titled: "Yup - Believe the hype!"

"I saw the product reviews and told some coworkers, so we bought a bag (because who doesn't want to spend the workday on the toilet AND get paid, right??). Brought them in yesterday morning and a bunch of the guys immediately downed a handful each. Within half an hour they were in the bathroom. Best moment of the day was when one of them (who had been in the bathroom for half an hour by that point) texted one of the others. 'If you think it's a fart....it's NOT.' hahhaaaaaa"

4. From a review titled: "It's. All. True."

"OMG. Everything previously written is true. It's all true. Don't eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines."

5. From a review titled: "Fully weaponized Gummy Bears"

"The cramping started about an hour later, and soon enough I was as bloated as a balloon in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home's septic system AND my will to live. After three hours of a pelvis-shaking Gummy Bear assault, I was spongy and weak, surprised that I had any bones left. I cursed Haribo with the little strength I could muster."

6. From a review titled: "AWESOME and EXPLOSIVE!!"

"The explosive gas let loose and to an explosive shart!!! 1 mile from home on my walk and it was a long 1 mile back and I had a mess!! Fortunately for compression shorts it didn't run down my legs!! Now I had to hold the gas for fear of blowing my entire intestines out into my shorts!! I made it home and what happened then was like something out of Dante's Inferno!!! My butt became an upside down volcano!! Best to stock up on toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner as you will totally spray the bowl and back of the seat!! I would no sooner get done and have to go again. When you get the urge to "go" you best be in proximity of toilet!!! I spent hours on the toilet."

7. From a review titled: "You dont understand."

"I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing.

When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true.

Eat two at a time. Three if you're brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE."

8. From a review titled: "Excellent taste, in small portions."

"During one of the last of the 8 trips to the bathroom, I released such a large volume of gas that my external anal sphincter could not do it's job, and remained open/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. I've never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that I had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the anal sphincter muscle."

9. From a review titled: "Gastrointestinal Armageddon"

"After a few hours, I had an EXTREME build-up of gas with no relief. All I could do was lie on my bed and pray for a fart. That might sound funny, but when you've eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, you're pleading for relief."

Huh. Either it’s a semi recent development, I’ve just gotten lucky, or I haven’t associated a diarrhea episode with gummy bear consumption before. Will experiment.

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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31495

Posted
Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, Kyrie Eleison said:

you're going to die...

That Time Gummy Bears Gave Everyone Diarrhea

 

Thought it might be the sugar-free ones.  Mannitol is a baby laxative, sorbitol is not far behind (all sugar alcohols like the refernced maltitol).  Wife went on a brief sugar-free chocolate binge before discovering this.

Edited by TwiceHorn
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Grimas

Grimas 669

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, orange dream said:

Grimas we're gonna need a source for the avatar

shake.thumb.gif.ede1e6c7735ab9d0c67f41d4

 

Oh and the Hershey Gold is not to be ignored

No clue on the source... Stumbled across it a few years ago and thought it was perfect for the old Shag site...

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Napoleon

Napoleon 8687

Posted
Posted

^ Great Avatar!

The fact that we're halfway through Page 2 and no one has mentioned the Peanut Butter on the shelf or gone off on a tangent about being asked to mule back Peanut Butter from the States makes me think that not many people on her have spent extended periods of time abroad.

About every month some new expat would join the main English language expat message board in Buenos Aires and ask where peanut butter could be found.

About every 2 to 3 months some new Canadian would join and ask where they could find Maple Syrup.

Peanut Butter was a precious resource. I also started bringing down bottles of Tapatïo and that was very well received. But Peanut Butter... nothing compared to that.

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orange dream

orange dream 1254

Posted
Posted
On 7/4/2018 at 12:41 AM, Grimas said:

No clue on the source... Stumbled across it a few years ago and thought it was perfect for the old Shag site...

after some research I have determined that the person in question is Katerina Hartlova

c4f40c64c37366ab3620dccc0b20bdbf.jpgCy8jl8aK_o.jpga07c724e0637fcf7d277ff72cc3e2a24.jpg

Butterface, she has other assets though.  German treats and what not.

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11808

Posted
Posted
On 7/4/2018 at 2:48 AM, Napoleon said:

^ Great Avatar!

The fact that we're halfway through Page 2 and no one has mentioned the Peanut Butter on the shelf or gone off on a tangent about being asked to mule back Peanut Butter from the States makes me think that not many people on her have spent extended periods of time abroad.

Peanut Butter was a precious resource. I also started bringing down bottles of Tapatïo and that was very well received. But Peanut Butter... nothing compared to that.

what is hilarious about this is peanut butter is one of the absolutely easiest foods to make on your own.   

 

Unless peanuts are completely unavailable in Argentina (and that may be), all you need to do is put 2 cups of shelled peanuts into a cusinart, turn it on low for 5-6 mins, stopping every min or so to scrape the sides and put back in the middle.  And if you want to add something like a little salt or sugar or a bit more oil to smooth it out, so be it.   then just scrape into a clean jar with a cover, and that can last about 3-4 weeks.

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lonestarguido

lonestarguido 21

Posted
Posted
I can now go visit Germany.


Fanta cracks me up. I was amazed back in the early 2000’s how much Fanta was all over Europe...more Fanta than I had ever seen in the states

Could do much much worse on the BBQ sauce.....pretty good stuff

The peanut butter stuff is interesting....why is there not a market in SAmerica for peanut butter (combining discussions here)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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