What's happening in the Methodist Church?

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

This is how my pastor friend explains it to me (not saying I agree with it, just that this is how he feels): Yes Christians should be open to the gay community but they should be relentless in their attempts to convert them away from their sinful ways. Jesus was all about "come as you are" but never about "leave as you came".

So your friend believes sexuality is a choice?

[Armybrat 40995]

16 hours ago, Fondren & Main said:

The Church of England and Anglicanism are the same thing.  King Henry murdered St. Thomas More and decided to make himself the head of the church which he had no authority to do.  Episcopalians are just American Anglicans.  Apostates due to King Henry’s foolishness.

Martin Luther was originally Catholic, then became an apostate and vehement anti-semite.

The Orthodox Church were once in communion with the papacy and the papacy allows for Catholics to receive the Eucharist in the Orthodox Church as it is recognized as valid.  Eastern churches had some beef over papal authority.  Others say things like the filioque and the doctrine of purgatory were also factors.  But, they call purgatory “toll houses”.

I am not joking, but I am correct.

So, Earth is Purgatory?

6 minutes ago, Patricio Swayze said:

So your friend believes sexuality is a choice?

I have always believed in choosing a lot of sex.

[F250 28944]

4 hours ago, Fondren & Main said:

Well, let’s define apostate then.  A person who renounces a political or religious belief or principle.  Is that the incorrect term?  What would be a more correct term?

Crazy would describe the current mental illness that is prevalent throughout society.  No, I don’t think I am, but you say so.  That’s fine.

 

You are conflating apostasy with heresy. Protestants didn't reject Christianity just certain doctrines of the Roman Catholic Church. For example, Luther was a heretic not an apostate.

 

[Fondren & Main 6763]

26 minutes ago, F250 said:

You are conflating apostasy with heresy. Protestants didn't reject Christianity just certain doctrines of the Roman Catholic Church. For example, Luther was a heretic not an apostate.

 

You’re correct.  Heretic.  My bad.  Also, an anti-Semite.  Fun fact!

[Nicole44 22197]

35 minutes ago, Patricio Swayze said:

So your friend believes sexuality is a choice?

Hey man take a good look, because he's the poster child for the next millennium. These people, it's no mystery where they come from. You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire. You build egos the size of cathedrals. Fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse. Grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green gold-plated fantasies until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own god. Where can you go from there? As we're scrambling from one deal to the next, who's got his eye on the planet? As the air thickens, the water sours, even bees' honey takes on the metallic taste of radioactivity... and it just keeps coming, faster and faster. There's no chance to think, to prepare; it's buy futures, sell futures... when there is no future. We got a runaway train, boy. Every one of us is getting ready to fistffuck God's ex-planet, lick our fingers clean, as they reach out toward our pristine, cybernetic keyboards to tote up our fucking billable hours. And then it hits home. You got to pay your own way, fuckers. It's a little late in the game to buy out now. You're God's special little creature. Maybe it's true. Maybe God threw the dice once too often. Maybe He let us all down.

[Celery Man 21026]

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

 

So the offshoot UMC organization now is basically Africans and MAGAs. 

not sure how maga jesus feels about those kinds of bedfellows

[Beau Vine 54866]

1 hour ago, HRSchenker said:

Yes Christians should be open to the gay community but they should be relentless in their attempts to convert them away from their sinful ways.

[Brisketexan 105576]

So your friend believes sexuality is a choice?

It really comes down to this.

If you ARE gay (and not just ACTING gay), then that’s a big problem for the fundagelicals. Because sin must be a willful act. And don’t tell me that the act of putting your dick in a consenting dude is any different than putting it in a consenting girl, morally. And let’s equalize for promiscuity - if you use and abuse 100 women or 100 men, the sin is based on the using and abusing, not the gender of the recipient.

Sorry. I fail to see how my male friend with a husband is any morally different than my male friend with a wife. They’re both good and decent people in a committed and loving relationship.

And I’ve never been able to discern ANY moral code (including a “biblical” one) that can justify different treatment of those two people because one of them was born being attracted to dudes.

[troph 24928]

1 hour ago, HRSchenker said:

This is how my pastor friend explains it to me (not saying I agree with it, just that this is how he feels): Yes Christians should be open to the gay community but they should be relentless in their attempts to convert them away from their sinful ways. Jesus was all about "come as you are" but never about "leave as you came".

Only gays and queers in churches like that are the ones that hate themselves or the closeted ones still in denial that secretly whack off to gay porn and assume it’s just the devil tempting them. 
 

I have zero interest in being around people who love me enough to be relentless in telling me (with no experience themselves) that I should be someone I’m not.

Fuck. That. Shit.

[Foosters 17919]

1 hour ago, HRSchenker said:

This is how my pastor friend explains it to me (not saying I agree with it, just that this is how he feels): Yes Christians should be open to the gay community but they should be relentless in their attempts to convert them away from their sinful ways. Jesus was all about "come as you are" but never about "leave as you came".

So did Jesus cum or what 

[Sawbonz 27779]

Deej

 

 

Edited May 13, 2023 by Sawbonz
Dammit Deej

[Beau Vine 54866]

Since the time I was a teenager being forced to attend the First Baptist Church in Denton, TX, I have always been amazed at how Christians had such hatred for homosexuals, in spite of the fact that:

1.  "Thou shalt not be gay" somehow managed not to make the Ten Commandments.

2.  When someone asked Jesus what the "greatest of all commandments was" he said 1) Love God with all your heart and 2) LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.

[Sawbonz 27779]

43 minutes ago, Fondren & Main said:

You’re correct.  Heretic.  My bad.  Also, an anti-Semite.  Fun fact!

Well anti-Semitism definitely wouldn’t be heretical for a Roman Catholic

[Armybrat 40995]

1 hour ago, HRSchenker said:

This is how my pastor friend explains it to me (not saying I agree with it, just that this is how he feels): Yes Christians should be open to the gay community but they should be relentless in their attempts to convert them away from their sinful ways. Jesus was all about "come as you are" but never about "leave as you came".

That’s apparently what happened when the early Christian & Taliban types infused their words with what they think their prophets were saying. 
It appears the original messages were garbled over time and before long their personal feelings & prejudices became their version of the “Word of God”.

[Armybrat 40995]

1 minute ago, Sawbonz said:

Well anti-Semitism definitely wouldn’t be heretical for a Roman Catholic

Prior to the 19th Century you would be correct.

[Samson's Wig 3195]

52 minutes ago, Nicole44 said:

Hey man take a good look, because he's the poster child for the next millennium. These people, it's no mystery where they come from. You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire. You build egos the size of cathedrals. Fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse. Grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green gold-plated fantasies until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own god. Where can you go from there? As we're scrambling from one deal to the next, who's got his eye on the planet? As the air thickens, the water sours, even bees' honey takes on the metallic taste of radioactivity... and it just keeps coming, faster and faster. There's no chance to think, to prepare; it's buy futures, sell futures... when there is no future. We got a runaway train, boy. Every one of us is getting ready to fistffuck God's ex-planet, lick our fingers clean, as they reach out toward our pristine, cybernetic keyboards to tote up our fucking billable hours. And then it hits home. You got to pay your own way, fuckers. It's a little late in the game to buy out now. You're God's special little creature. Maybe it's true. Maybe God threw the dice once too often. Maybe He let us all down.

[F250 28944]

46 minutes ago, Fondren & Main said:

You’re correct.  Heretic.  My bad.  Also, an anti-Semite.  Fun fact!

Fun fact, Christian antisemitism was around for over a thousand years before Luther continued the practice. It's always been part of the foundation.

[F250 28944]

24 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Prior to the 21st Century you would be correct.

Fify. The RCC didn't publicly backtrack on antisemitism until a couple of decades after the Holocaust.

[troph 24928]

By the way if you read the scriptures on penalties for divorce and adultery and what should happen to women in that situation and start to analyze the circumstances it becomes clear parts of the Bible should be completely thrown away in a modern society where women can make it on their own because you know they aren’t treated as personal property.  One can argue the Bible was misogynist outright or its authors were or the times were but it’s hard to argue the continued literal relevance of those passages - put to death, stoned to death, etc. if that’s true, the same can be said about the other social prohibitions. There is plenty written about contextual interpretation but most conservatives scoff, hence why the conservative church remains so misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic (point to one anti trans scripture I dare you). 
 

I have problems with progressive denominations too - much of it because they were queer-hating adjacent for too long making it it very much a “too soon” or even “a little too late” kind of argument but at least they are trying even if only just a little bit.

Edited May 13, 2023 by troph

[Homercles 10206]

18 hours ago, Fondren & Main said:

The Church of England and Anglicanism are the same thing.  King Henry murdered St. Thomas More and decided to make himself the head of the church which he had no authority to do.  Episcopalians are just American Anglicans.  Apostates due to King Henry’s foolishness.

Martin Luther was originally Catholic, then became an apostate and vehement anti-semite.

The Orthodox Church were once in communion with the papacy and the papacy allows for Catholics to receive the Eucharist in the Orthodox Church as it is recognized as valid.  Eastern churches had some beef over papal authority.  Others say things like the filioque and the doctrine of purgatory were also factors.  But, they call purgatory “toll houses”.

I am not joking, but I am correct.

[troph 24928]

43 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Since the time I was a teenager being forced to attend the First Baptist Church in Denton, TX, I have always been amazed at how Christians had such hatred for homosexuals, in spite of the fact that:

1.  "Thou shalt not be gay" somehow managed not to make the Ten Commandments.

2.  When someone asked Jesus what the "greatest of all commandments was" he said 1) Love God with all your heart and 2) LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.

So giving your bromance a hand job is ok? 

[Nicole44 22197]

28 minutes ago, Samson's Wig said:

 

31 minutes ago, Samson's Wig said:

Thank God!

 

[Beau Vine 54866]

48 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Since the time I was a teenager being forced to attend the First Baptist Church in Denton, TX, I have always been amazed at how Christians had such hatred for homosexuals, in spite of the fact that:

1.  "Thou shalt not be gay" somehow managed not to make the Ten Commandments.

2.  When someone asked Jesus what the "greatest of all commandments was" he said 1) Love God with all your heart and 2) LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.

BTW, I once brought this up to a Sunday school teacher, and that prompted my parents being called in for a conference, and I was told not to ask so many questions, and I was pretty much done with religion because of that.

[mdmost 43306]

Grew up Methodist as did my wife. I loved the hymns, services, Communion, the pageantry of it all. We did lots of great things in our youth group like going on mission trips, helping feed the homeless in downtown Dallas, and raising money for the less fortunate. Those were parts of my church I loved being a part of. 

I absolutely could not stand the hypocritical "Christians" that were in my church. The ones who would backbite everyone like my parents. The ones who were judgmental about how we were raised because we might joke around in service. It's probably what soured me on going back as an adult.

I do think Methodists are a more tolerant lot in comparison to other religions given anyone can take Communion and it's a fairly welcoming religion to new people. There's hardliners for sure who should probably just go be Southern Baptists but I'm fine with them breaking off from the mainstream. I do smile when I drive by some of the UMCs here that have giant gay pride banners. I'm glad it's a welcoming environment for LGBTQ+ people. I certainly wasn't when I was growing up so that's some progress. 

I do wonder if I did my kids a disservice by not bringing them up in the church but we've always tried to raise them with a sense of right and wrong and definitely with empathy. We did okay on the younger one. Older one is still a work in progress but she marches to the beat of her own drum. 

[Neonmoon 38130]

1 hour ago, troph said:

By the way if you read the scriptures on penalties for divorce and adultery and what should happen to women in that situation and start to analyze the circumstances it becomes clear parts of the Bible should be completely thrown away in a modern society where women can make it on their own because you know they aren’t treated as personal property.  One can argue the Bible was misogynist outright or its authors were or the times were but it’s hard to argue the continued literal relevance of those passages - put to death, stoned to death, etc. if that’s true, the same can be said about the other social prohibitions. There is plenty written about contextual interpretation but most conservatives scoff, hence why the conservative church remains so misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic (point to one anti trans scripture I dare you). 
 

I have problems with progressive denominations too - much of it because they were queer-hating adjacent for too long making it it very much a “too soon” or even “a little too late” kind of argument but at least they are trying even if only just a little bit.

If you read the scripture and don’t immediately think it’s all pure made up insanity, it’s because you were told the story as a child, and the story with its weekly rituals became part of your identity or your family’s identity, and it’s really fucking hard to turn your back on part of who you are or your community 

 

 

[troph 24928]

14 minutes ago, Neonmoon said:

If you read the scripture and don’t immediately think it’s all pure made up insanity, it’s because you were told the story as a child, and the story with its weekly rituals became part of your identity or your family’s identity, and it’s really fucking hard to turn your back on part of who you are or your community 

 

 

100%

[SimonBolivar 10961]

21 hours ago, Leeroy Jenkins said:

The MAGA members are going one way and the rest are going the other way.

Been that way and will stay that way. "Fun" read from grad school .

 

 

 

[Cap33 404]

1 hour ago, mdmost said:

Grew up Methodist as did my wife. I loved the hymns, services, Communion, the pageantry of it all. We did lots of great things in our youth group like going on mission trips, helping feed the homeless in downtown Dallas, and raising money for the less fortunate. Those were parts of my church I loved being a part of. 

I absolutely could not stand the hypocritical "Christians" that were in my church. The ones who would backbite everyone like my parents. The ones who were judgmental about how we were raised because we might joke around in service. It's probably what soured me on going back as an adult.

I do think Methodists are a more tolerant lot in comparison to other religions given anyone can take Communion and it's a fairly welcoming religion to new people. There's hardliners for sure who should probably just go be Southern Baptists but I'm fine with them breaking off from the mainstream. I do smile when I drive by some of the UMCs here that have giant gay pride banners. I'm glad it's a welcoming environment for LGBTQ+ people. I certainly wasn't when I was growing up so that's some progress. 

I do wonder if I did my kids a disservice by not bringing them up in the church but we've always tried to raise them with a sense of right and wrong and definitely with empathy. We did okay on the younger one. Older one is still a work in progress but she marches to the beat of her own drum. 

This is pretty much exactly my story. I think our kids have turned out to be kind and empathetic people, and we've always told them that if they ever have an interest in seeing what church is all about, we'd support them 100%. And yet every time I hear some snide, judgmental comment from one my parents' church friends about how we are not religious and therefore not good people, it confirms for me that we've made the right choice sparing the kids that aspect of it.

It amazes me that, with shrinking congregations across the country, some churches continue to double down on exclusionary teachings and practices. From a purely business standpoint, you'd think they'd be trying to grow membership. 

[Sawbonz 27779]

6 hours ago, troph said:

By the way if you read the scriptures on penalties for divorce and adultery and what should happen to women in that situation and start to analyze the circumstances it becomes clear parts of the Bible should be completely thrown away in a modern society where women can make it on their own because you know they aren’t treated as personal property.  One can argue the Bible was misogynist outright or its authors were or the times were but it’s hard to argue the continued literal relevance of those passages - put to death, stoned to death, etc. if that’s true, the same can be said about the other social prohibitions. There is plenty written about contextual interpretation but most conservatives scoff, hence why the conservative church remains so misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic (point to one anti trans scripture I dare you). 
 

I have problems with progressive denominations too - much of it because they were queer-hating adjacent for too long making it it very much a “too soon” or even “a little too late” kind of argument but at least they are trying even if only just a little bit.

If you jerk off and eat shellfish you can’t say shit about what anyone else does

 

esp if you jerk off while eating shellfish 

[conVINCEd 21474]

52 minutes ago, Sawbonz said:

If you jerk off and eat shellfish you can’t say shit about what anyone else does

 

esp if you jerk off while eating shellfish 

[Schulz2.0 29042]

1 hour ago, Sawbonz said:

If you jerk off and eat shellfish you can’t say shit about what anyone else does

 

esp if you jerk off while eating shellfish 

What if I just have sex with the oysters?

[Brisketexan 105576]

If you jerk off and eat shellfish you can’t say shit about what anyone else does
 
esp if you jerk off while eating shellfish 

You’ve just judged 90% of my life.

[conVINCEd 21474]

3 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

You’ve just judged 90% of my life.

We’re apparently headed south when our time here is up.

[WhatTheBuck 28835]

9 hours ago, Foosters said:

So did Jesus cum or what 

According to the doctrine of the Trinity, he impregnated his own mom and begat himself. 

[NWBuck 8590]

3 hours ago, Sawbonz said:

If you jerk off and eat shellfish you can’t say shit about what anyone else does

 

esp if you jerk off while eating shellfish 

I thought that jerking off was inherently selfish? 

[billfromlaketravis 11605]

Episcopalian here. Our pastor has hammered it home that all are welcome while remaining conservative. It was George HW Bush’s church until his and Barbara’s passing. 
 

While many Episcopalian churches have shrunk our church is the largest and fastest growing in the US. I would attribute it to our ministries, evangelicalism, and we’re in the middle of a huge city. 
 

I’m an usher and I’ve welcomed every single person that has shown up at our doorstep. As Jesus said, what you do to the least of my brothers, you do to me. That verse has always stuck with me, but it’s challenging. It’s not easy to love everyone. Yet Christ asks us to do it. 
 

I watched a YouTube doc on Rich Mullins today. The guy lived as a modern day disciple until his untimely passing in the late 90’s. His message was pretty simple. Follow the teachings of Jesus, embrace everyone, and don’t put yourself or your religion on a pedestal. We all could learn so much from this man. RIP.

[Neonmoon 38130]

1 hour ago, billfromlaketravis said:

Episcopalian here. Our pastor has hammered it home that all are welcome while remaining conservative. It was George HW Bush’s church until his and Barbara’s passing. 
 

While many Episcopalian churches have shrunk our church is the largest and fastest growing in the US. I would attribute it to our ministries, evangelicalism, and we’re in the middle of a huge city. 
 

I’m an usher and I’ve welcomed every single person that has shown up at our doorstep. As Jesus said, what you do to the least of my brothers, you do to me. That verse has always stuck with me, but it’s challenging. It’s not easy to love everyone. Yet Christ asks us to do it. 
 

I watched a YouTube doc on Rich Mullins today. The guy lived as a modern day disciple until his untimely passing in the late 90’s. His message was pretty simple. Follow the teachings of Jesus, embrace everyone, and don’t put yourself or your religion on a pedestal. We all could learn so much from this man. RIP.

I grew up in that church. I was an acolyte in that church. It has grown because it’s where all the rich white people go in Houston, and they built a massive nice ass church to get more people and more money. It has nothing to do with evangelicalism or ministries. To your point, they preach down the middle and don’t mention politics. But Episcopalians are known for that. Have the religious experience with none of the bullshit rules like Baptist or Catholics. 

[tbone_ 14259]

Do Methodists molest little boys as much as Catholics or Baptists?

['stache 21905]

On 5/13/2023 at 12:10 PM, HRSchenker said:

This is how my pastor friend explains it to me (not saying I agree with it, just that this is how he feels): Yes Christians should be open to the gay community but they should be relentless in their attempts to convert them away from their sinful ways. Jesus was all about "come as you are" but never about "leave as you came".

“Hate the sin, love the sinner.” Or some such nonsense. How convenient. It’s all fake anyway, or like Brisket says, a way to justify your hate. I hate that humans won’t evolve past this bullshit until long after I’m dead. 

Edited May 14, 2023 by 'stache

[F250 28944]

2 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Do Methodists molest little boys as much as Catholics or Baptists?

Considering women tend to not be as predatory as men and 1/3 of the pastors are women I am guessing it's probably lower.

[The Ace of Aces 5327]

I identify as Lutheran* because Martin Luther brewed beer. 
 

* evangelical Lutheran cause fuck the others. Our church was one of the first to open its doors to gay marriages, has a black female priest married to a white hippie (really great designed house, they have), has weekly LBGTQ meetups, operates a food pantry and garden in the urban food desert, et al. It welcomes everyone and supports the community.

Churches should be service orgs that are taxed. Religion is man-made, full of faults and hijacked by charlatans. 

[billfromlaketravis 11605]

I really like Ed Young’s sermons. He’s an engaging speaker. I attended Second Baptist for a few years when I moved back to Houston. But I struggle with the pray until you’re not gay thing. I want people to be themselves. Authentic folks are the best folks. 

[Rimbo 26435]

On 5/13/2023 at 10:10 AM, HRSchenker said:

This is how my pastor friend explains it to me (not saying I agree with it, just that this is how he feels): Yes Christians should be open to the gay community but they should be relentless in their attempts to convert them away from their sinful ways. Jesus was all about "come as you are" but never about "leave as you came".

That's a lot of words to weasel his way out of making himself the kind of person Christ said he should be.

[StassneyHorn 6695]

As a Catholic, priests and nuns aren’t allowed to fuck. It’s the only reason we pay for you to live day to day and teach in school.

[SydneyCarton 48305]

1 hour ago, billfromlaketravis said:

I really like Ed Young’s sermons. He’s an engaging speaker. I attended Second Baptist for a few years when I moved back to Houston. But I struggle with the pray until you’re not gay thing. I want people to be themselves. Authentic folks are the best folks. 

I struggle with the fact Ed Young puts up political billboards all over Houston and preaches politics from the pulpit. Second Baptist should lose their tax exempt status. He is a piece of shit as far as I’m concerned. He’s not a pastor. He’s a political activist at this point. 
 

https://www.chron.com/politics/article/Second-Baptist-pastor-Ed-Young-calls-for-17408114.php

 

oh, and let’s not forget that second Baptist has covered up and employed several sexual predators over the decades. Here’s one:
 

https://www.fox26houston.com/news/woman-says-her-daughter-abused-at-second-baptist-church-in-1990s

 

yeah, I’m revising my statement. He’s not a piece of shit in my opinion, he’s just a piece of shit. 

Edited May 15, 2023 by SydneyCarton

[TwiceHorn 31685]

On 5/13/2023 at 11:50 AM, Beau Vine said:

One of my best friends is a bishop in the UMC, so I've been following this pretty closely for several years.  This schism basically started with the African churches under the UMC umbrella, and there were enough of them voting together that they were basically controlling the policy of the American UMC churches.

So the offshoot UMC organization now is basically Africans and MAGAs.  That should be entertaining.

Yeah, pretty ironic.  The UMC goes out and missionaries Africa, creating lots of UMC churches there.  They decide to liberalize, or vote to do it, and the African UMCs are the ones that blow it up.

I had a vague recollection that you had a connection to Paul Rasmussen?  I'm pleased but a little surprised that HPUMC hasn't defected.

But Mark Craig brought in a younger demo than a lot of similar churches have, so I guess the olds got drowned out.  And, I'm not sure that many of the olds think like olds.  But my Mom used to say there were a lot of recovering Baptists there.

One of my proudest moments, probably 20-30 years ago, I was at my parents Sunday School class and one of those recovering Baptists started making an announcement about some "political" stuff about gays or something, and my Dad shouted him down, basically told him to STFU.

 

[Gengs1 2583]

So there are approximate ~300k churches in USA.

there are ~600k homeless ppl in USA.

so if every church took on the Christian duty and provided a home”ish” for 2 people, there would be very little homelessness in USA, why aren't they? Didn’t that hippy dude preach helping another person etc.

[RDCanecutter 26553]

In a perfect world I could make a living prowling the alleys and forests as a Vampire Hunter, strapped with a silver sword and brace of flintlock pistols shooting balls of the old argentum. I would constantly seek sanctuary in churches, the gloomier the better, so Catholic but like Catholic churches built by Spaniards in the 1500s, with ancient archives dating back centuries that I would peruse for recon, written in Latin because of course they're in Latin, that's what the priests all speak all the time in the Vampire Hunter universe.

I'd refill my flask with holy water because I used the last of it melting the face of a screaming tomb-terror. The trick is to fake left, fake right, then splash right up the middle. I'd also master the Trivium and Quadrivium and have absolutely no use for JavaScript or Ruby on Rails.

So that'd be the religion for me. Instead I get drop-ceilings, air-conditioning, that bouncy-ball projector of lyrics to hymns that sound like the theme of the Mary Tyler Moore show, and closeted gays pickin on uncloseted gays.

[billfromlaketravis 11605]

Rich Mullins doc: 

By all accounts he was the real deal.

 

[atomheartbevo 90054]

20 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

In a perfect world I could make a living prowling the alleys and forests as a Vampire Hunter, strapped with a silver sword and brace of flintlock pistols shooting balls of the old argentum. I would constantly seek sanctuary in churches, the gloomier the better, so Catholic but like Catholic churches built by Spaniards in the 1500s, with ancient archives dating back centuries that I would peruse for recon, written in Latin because of course they're in Latin, that's what the priests all speak all the time in the Vampire Hunter universe.

I'd refill my flask with holy water because I used the last of it melting the face of a screaming tomb-terror. The trick is to fake left, fake right, then splash right up the middle. I'd also master the Trivium and Quadrivium and have absolutely no use for JavaScript or Ruby on Rails.

So that'd be the religion for me. Instead I get drop-ceilings, air-conditioning, that bouncy-ball projector of lyrics to hymns that sound like the theme of the Mary Tyler Moore show, and closeted gays pickin on uncloseted gays.

1 hour ago, StassneyHorn said:

As a Catholic, priests and nuns aren’t allowed to fuck.