Malapropisms, Bad English and shit

[Hate 20108]

We’ll jump off that bridge when we get to it.

It’s just like falling off a bike.

[Rimbo 25936]

My wife is full of these, because English is not her first language. Some of them she does on purpose.

Such as "mental pause" for menopause.

Because... well, you tell her that's not appropriate.

[Rimbo 25936]

3 minutes ago, Hate said:

We’ll jump off that bridge when we get to it.

It’s just like falling off a bike.

When was the last time we heard the great wisdom of Jimmy?

[crash_davis 23113]

4 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

The misuse of affect and effect drives me bananas.

what effect does it have on you?  why do you let it affect you so much?

[tfoolry 8214]

Realator

[AM Wood 335]

nucular.

 

don't start quoting the dictionary that allows both. they made that exception because idiots couldn't be counted on to pronounce it like it's spelled.

[Anwar Namtut 344]

1 hour ago, bamachine said:

Hot water heater

I accidentally said this the other day.  I immediately punched myself in the junk.

[Anwar Namtut 344]

Anyways.

[Rusty Shackelford 414]

Here in west texas, the names of the days of the week have been truncated and it drives me insane
Sunday -> Sund-ee
Monday -> Mond-ee
Tuesday -> Tuesd-ee
... you get the point
Also "pilla" as opposed to pillow
 

Those aren’t West Texans, they’re okie transplants

[idigTexas 2288]

"freshmen" when they mean "freshman"

"dominate" when they mean "dominant"

"awesome" when they mean "allsome"

[Liquor and Poker 3659]

‘’Swear to God” instead of “Sweater God”

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

I accidentally said this the other day.  I immediately punched myself in the junk.

My old house actually had a water heater and a hot water heater.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

I literally suppose I'll have to believe it, but this thread has gotten to 66 posts without any mention of "French benefits".

 

Y'all are slipping.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

2 hours ago, TankedBevo said:

Sweater gawd

A couple-three

Here's a Sweater God.  Does this count?

[ROFL BOX 6649]

Spelled more than spoken, but still a problem:

"togather" vs. "together".

[GotThatFire 166]

6 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

The misuse of affect and effect drives me bananas.

That one is NEVER going away

[Don Keibals 113]

ax instead of ask bothers me still

[BrickHorn 18235]

“Should have went.”

 

[Jerry Callo 8703]

When people say they're "bringing" something to somewhere as opposed to "taking".

[AM Wood 335]

11 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

When people say they're "bringing" something to somewhere as opposed to "taking".

yoots.

[clapclapclap 9000]

There are two types of people in this world:

1.  Those who use an Oxford comma

2.  Scumbags

 

Edit:  And 3.  Hobbits   

So three types.

Edit edit:  And 4. And this ashtray.  5.  And this lamp.  6. And this paddle game....

Edited June 27, 2018 by clapclapclap

[South Austin 52508]

1 hour ago, Don Keibals said:

ax instead of ask bothers me still

It's because you're racist and such.

Edited June 27, 2018 by South Austin

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

1 hour ago, ROFL BOX said:

Here's a Sweater God.  Does this count?

Well, she's a girl so no.  Sweater goddess is what the judges were looking for...

[jeevsie 3734]

Make for sure

[Hate 20108]

Anyone that says wersh for wash needs to be eliminated from the gene pool.

[smuggs 9353]

There's a dumbass that works for me that says he's been diagnosed with "Planter's Fascist".

[bamachine 1231]

Are you qualified to say he does not believe in growing vegetables in a strict manner?

[RDCanecutter 26443]

6 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Pronouncing double Ls in a Spanish word as Ls as opposed to Y.    Quesadilla, tortilla, etc. 

Students like to tell me they lick themselves.

[RDCanecutter 26443]

I got this buddy. Good guy. But he would put on airs and critique other people's pronunciation. Except that he pronounced "pronunciation" as "pronounciation".

I never, ever pointed that out to him.

[miguelito 11266]

8 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Fox pass.

It's in the Wives thread, but mine was talking about some jacket that was fox fur.  That's right, real faux fur.

[deadshank 24653]

I'm going to go over the list with a fine tooth and comb

salmon said SAL-mun rather than sam-un

subtracting numbers and saying "I'm going to minus 8 from 17" or multiply by "timesing" one number by another. 

[TrashMaster G 17557]

I thought for sure from the thread title this was going to be about Rod Babers' radio show.

[Liquor and Poker 3659]

"I've been itching this mosquito bite."

[RDCanecutter 26443]

Reduce this down.

[RDCanecutter 26443]

People with any connection to human resources are to language what Sandusky is to little boys.

[Sandman 3403]

3 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Here's a Sweater God.  Does this count?

Please point the way to her house of worship.

[Sandman 3403]

The use of "escape goat" instead of scapegoat. To make it worse, I live in Oklahoma and it is often pronounced "excape goat". Then they use it to mean "alibi" and I just walk away.

[jimmyjazz 45957]

3 hours ago, BrickHorn said:

“Should have went.”

 

In a similar vein, "I have got to . . .".

[LW Goatman 1124]

idoit

[Reagan1k 3024]

Vietmaneese is one I hear a lot in AL now. 

[Chet Steadman 940]

When someone takes something out of the fridge so they can let it “de-thaw”.  

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

The use of "escape goat" instead of scapegoat. To make it worse, I live in Oklahoma and it is often pronounced "excape goat". Then they use it to mean "alibi" and I just walk away.

Slightly racess

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

52 minutes ago, Chet Steadman said:

When someone takes something out of the fridge so they can let it “de-thaw”.  

wouldn't that be freezing something ?

[Sandman 3403]

12 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Slightly racess

If my fellow cracka-ass crackas can't take the heat, they need to excape the kitchen.

[Longboard Horn 40323]

Misuse of accept and except

[crony 359]

 

[Hate 20108]

Holy shit. I’ve watched the Sopranos a couple of times and I don’t remember catching most of those. That’s awesome.

[workswithseed 2108]

9 hours ago, deadshank said:

I'm going to go over the list with a fine tooth and comb

salmon said SAL-mun rather than sam-un

subtracting numbers and saying "I'm going to minus 8 from 17" or multiply by "timesing" one number by another. 

Fuck off, I'll pronounce the l in salmon all I want.

[ulukinatme 1763]

17 hours ago, South Austin said:

Blinded by the light.  Wrapped up like a douche, another runner in the night.

About 10 years ago we were playing Rockband, playing Tom Sawyer by Rush.  My buddy's girlfriend at the time was on vocals.  At the end of the second verse she belts out "Joan Rivers!"  We failed the song, laughing our asses off.

[Dark Horse 2280]

Supposively and supposably.  

I’ve seen supposibly.

I shit you not.