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I’ve lost everything

The Duke

By The Duke
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The Duke

The Duke 31

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I don’t know how to start this because of what I’ve been through. As the title states, I’ve been through some shit the last 3 years. I had a great life, great fiancé, great job, life was pretty good. I was laid off during covid and me and my girl decided to split. I I was not mentally right and took a leap of fate to leave Texas because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do to myself. I came to a place that I thought would help, and it has. I moved to Charleston because it was my favorite city. Almost 3 years later I’ve survived. I’ve self medicated and don’t know what I’m doing right now but this and the shag has always been a place for me to escape reality. Yeah I’m drunk, but on my final straw of survival. I guess just looking for any job refs, ideas, or just people to help along the way because I’m too stubborn to ask friends and family at this point, I’m embarrassed. Was an ATO & Cowboy so plenty of connections, but at this point it doesn’t really matter. I’ve lost pretty much everything and just trying and yes, it sounds like I’m a huge pussy but I’m at the end of caring anymore. Anybody that wants to dm is much appreciated. JW-‘08

 

 

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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2 minutes ago, The Duke said:

I don’t know how to start this because of what I’ve been through. As the title states, I’ve been through some shit the last 3 years. I had a great life, great fiancé, great job, life was pretty good. I was laid off during covid and me and my girl decided to split. I I was not mentally right and took a leap of fate to leave Texas because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do to myself. I came to a place that I thought would help, and it has. I moved to Charleston because it was my favorite city. Almost 3 years later I’ve survived. I’ve self medicated and don’t know what I’m doing right now but this and the shag has always been a place for me to escape reality. Yeah I’m drunk, but on my final straw of survival. I guess just looking for any job refs, ideas, or just people to help along the way because I’m too stubborn to ask friends and family at this point, I’m embarrassed. Was an ATO & Cowboy so plenty of connections, but at this point it doesn’t really matter. I’ve lost pretty much everything and just trying and yes, it sounds like I’m a huge pussy but I’m at the end of caring anymore. Anybody that wants to dm is much appreciated. JW-‘08

 

 

What kind of work were you doing? Also you should really look into therapy and possibly meds to even you out right now.

I know shit looks bad right now but start small. In his commencement address McRaven talked about making your bed every morning. It's easy, but an accomplishment you can tick off even before you have breakfast. 

Also, stop self medicating and if you aren't exercising, start. 

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Guest

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You still have something.

Booze and the internet.

Anything can be lube if you want it bad enough.

Edited by slorch
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TexArcher

TexArcher 37761

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If you're self-medicating with alcohol and/or drugs, the first thing you need to do is stop.  You won't be able fix anything else until you do.  Trust me on this -- I tried for 19 years.

AA works.  Go, listen, read the book, go again.

You will find dozens of people whose lives had gone just as far off course as yours, or worse, who were able to get back on track.  And they want to help you do likewise.

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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31435

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48 minutes ago, TexArcher said:

If you're self-medicating with alcohol and/or drugs, the first thing you need to do is stop.  You won't be able fix anything else until you do.  Trust me on this -- I tried for 19 years.

AA works.  Go, listen, read the book, go again.

You will find dozens of people whose lives had gone just as far off course as yours, or worse, who were able to get back on track.  And they want to help you do likewise.

Also, there are a crazy kinds of connections in AA.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9374

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Don’t be embarrassed.  We don’t care what you’ve done, but we do care about you. 
I like reading the mental health thread, the AA thread, and the divorce thread. I’m not divorced and neither are you, but there are some good, positive posts in there dealing with healthy relationships. 

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nineliveslost

nineliveslost 2753

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never use a permanent solution for a temporary problem. 

16 years ago, I lost everything and was down and out. Today I am better than I could ever dream of. I had to claw, bite and kick and work my ass off over the first serval years. Every year after that, it got easier through harder and smarter effort and work.  Most of us have to go through the darkness to reach the light. 

Fight the good fight. 

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2252

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1 hour ago, nineliveslost said:

never use a permanent solution for a temporary problem. 

 

^^^This^^^ I had a really good friend from college that had gone through some real shit. Years ago, his wife left him and her and her mother tried their best to destroy him. She even went as far as calling nationwide AM radio talk shows to spread lies about him. She lied and caused his kids to hate him. Her mother helped finance lawyers that financially bled him dry.  He tried solving his problems with booze. I moved and didn't get to hang with him but I always stayed in touch.

I called him last year and he was ready to check out and told me to expect it. I kept trying to talk to him but he said he would go out on his own terms. Then he quit returning my calls. That was a year ago. I called him last week and he called me back and we talked for 3 hours. He finally went to a doctor who understood and diagnosed his narcolepsy. He's being treated with the correct medication and has a new outlook on life. He's still got issues but they are things he can deal with. TLDR version; Seek outside help. You can do things online if your not comfortable seeing someone in person. Self medication is not the answer, it's only temporary and the problems do not go away.

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Longhorn_Fan68

Longhorn_Fan68 33859

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3 hours ago, Pdawg88 said:

It’s never as bad as it seems. 

This x1000. You got this and you've got people who love you. There is no shame in asking for help. If you get push back, you simply asked the wrong person. It's not you - it's them. Doing it all yourself is the hardest and often the least effective way to pursue happiness. Lean on those who love you - because that is why they are there. You also got us, but we're a bunch of assholes. Not sure if that's good or bad. 🤣

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9374

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2 minutes ago, kibbles said:

Some good advice in here and definitely check out those other threads.    Since we're in lulz..."We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing!"

We’re already dead. 
I actually think about that one a lot. 

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Goredho

Goredho 17394

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On 6/3/2023 at 12:27 AM, The Duke said:

I'm too stubborn to ask friends and family at this point, I’m embarrassed. Was an ATO & Cowboy so plenty of connections, but at this point it doesn’t really matter.

I am willing to bet that most of those people that personally know you are either in the dark that you need help, or they want and are willing to help, but either don't know how or have tried and been rejected.  Regardless, isolating yourself from them isn't the answer.  You going through shit beyond your capability to handle is the very reason friends and family exist as a concept.  Otherwise, we'd just fucking spawn 123981092312398 offspring like salmon, die, and let nature and random chance sort out their fates.  You have a safety net.  For God's sake, use it.

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honolulu horn

honolulu horn 6158

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As a psychologist who works with people with serious mental illness, serious drug and alcohol addiction, and criminal justice involvement -- believe me, things can get better. The first step is finding a professional that you click with, for therapy, support, and meds as needed. Those work. The second step is doing something -- ANYTHING -- that gets you moving and active outside the house (walks, exercise, fishing, shopping, picking up trash, volunteering, driving, whatever. Third step is curbing the drinking. Get AA or another support system in place to help with that. Fourth step is reaching out to friends and family, even if you think they will be annoyed or judgmental. You won't be asking them to carry all of your burdens, but instead to help support you in smaller and separate ways. Ask for specific things you need -- uber eats card, a daily or weekly text, watching a movie on Amazon party mode, playing games on the phone, an advocate to help you exercise, recipes, whatever. Put things in your calendar that you look forward to, and see if you can do them with others. 

You can't deal in generalities. You have to get specific right now. Meals you want, movies you want, people you want, etc. 

Those aren't in any strict order. You just need to do each of them, because you actually ARE important and the world and Surly is better with you in it. You are kicking ass RIGHT NOW because you are surviving shit that others aren't dealing with. It's gonna be fucking awesome when you come out on the other side, stronger and ready for anything else this world wants to throw at you. 

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2240

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Live long enough and you’ll wind up starting over at least once! Dumb thing to say I know and of course almost no situation is interchangeable, but trying to say you’re not alone in this. Been there and as many have said it gets better. Rely on your friends, they’re more willing to help without judgement than you realize.

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Pdawg88

Pdawg88 1115

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1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

Live long enough and you’ll wind up starting over at least once! Dumb thing to say I know and of course almost no situation is interchangeable, but trying to say you’re not alone in this. Been there and as many have said it gets better. Rely on your friends, they’re more willing to help without judgement than you realize.

Think about it @The Duke this guy is a OSU fan, so it can always get worse. Keep your head up bud, if you need someone to talk to send me a message. 

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Wilcox Cummingtonite

Wilcox Cummingtonite 2935

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Get out in nature and get some sunshine dude, disconnect from social media. Find a hobby that gives you an excuse to be outdoors (yard work, gardening, golf, hunting, etc.). Get into weather/climate as a hobby or something.

I've found that the world is a much more tolerable place when I'm more in touch with nature and the outdoors and aware of things surrounding us that are mentally uplifting, beautiful, and even destructive. There's something very serene about feeling in tune w/ one's surroundings. 

Take a trip out west to Big Bend, Guadalupe Mts,, or Davis Mts and reset your mind. Don't forget the weed and shrooms if you're into that.

Oh yeah, stop drinking that poison. Go to AA, take it at your own pace though. Check out many different meetings until you find 1-2 meetings that you can call home.  I haven't had a drink in 7 months and it's easily the most positive life change I've ever made. I never intend to take another drink again and that is very comforting to me.

Good luck man. 

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HouTex

HouTex 1866

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Duke, hope you get better.  Not sure how old you are, but if you went to UT in the 80’s, or possibly even the early 90’s, we know some of the same people.  Many of these are cliches but I’ll say them anyway.  Don’t give up.  It’s always darkest before the dawn.

With your background at UT and your success there, it shows that you have the ability to succeed in life.  Just keep at it.  You can always start over.  You undoubtedly have many friends.  Reach out to them.  They really do care.  If booze is weighing you down, then go to AA or other program that fits.  Find a mentor/sponsor to see you through it. 

life is beautiful.  Just look around.  Keep looking for your niche and eventually you’ll find it.  

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Longhorn94

Longhorn94 2448

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I don't know you but I have been where you are. 13 years ago I lost everything and had to start over. I made it with a lot of help from friends, some on this board. Let us know you're ok and what kind of work you are looking for. If you need someone to listen, PM me for my cell. I'm available anytime.

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tigol

tigol 2395

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39 minutes ago, SurlyGator said:

So, the OP has only posted once on this thread.  Should we be nervous?

I think that's natural, but I'm leaning towards the possibility that the collective encouragement posted made a difference.  Duke may just need more time.

Shaggy has helped me several times.  At my lowest, I had a horrible debt problem that these kind souls talked me through and I eventually made it out.  It wasn't easy, but I was out of options, and folks lent their expertise to help me.  Me.  Some rando on the internet that went to UT.

Since I accepted that help, I've found it easier to continue to do so in my life while also helping others when I can.  You got this, man.  I'm pulling for you.  

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9374

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5 minutes ago, Sawbonz said:

I hope things are turning around for you OP. The alcoholics thread and the mental health thread have some really wonderful people who have been through some horrific things and come out the other side. PM one or more of them. 

The loneliness thread is evolving into something interesting too. Hope OP is ok. 

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