Which cruise lines are trashiest?

[Your Mom 4837]

I’m being roped into taking my mom on a cruise with some other family for her 80th birthday. I’ve never been on a cruise. I don’t want to go on a cruise.  

What cruise lines and ports do I avoid to minimize my exposure to trashy people. And which do I seek out instead? 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

If I had to do a cruise, it would be another Viking River Cruise or nothing. Fuck floating Walmart.

[tigol 2399]

The only one I would ever consider is Viking.

[Rimbo 26038]

i think the Groucho Rule applies... I wouldn't want to take any cruise that I could afford

[NeverMarryAStripper 21920]

Try Regent

https://www.rssc.com/

[conVINCEd 21469]

Have you considered spending some time in a North Korean prison? I believe my parents really like Holland America, and if it was really trashy I would have heard about it many, many times.

[Gil Bang 25991]

I did Celebrity, and it was quite nice. 

[CHIEF 5094]

After watching cruisers disembark from the pier in Cozumel a couple of weeks ago, I would have to say Carnival and Disney have to be the run away leaders on 400 lb. bald guys with tribal tattoos, and 250 lb. wives in thong bikinis. 

I have only went on one cruise. It was the Alaskan cruise on Celebrity. It was pretty good. But I really don't ever want to go on another, but that would be the one to go on. The time in port is way too short. Not really enough time to do anything but their shitty excursion racket, or shop for tourist shit. I'm sure it is designed that way so the cruise line can get a cut of it.

CHIEF

[TwiceHorn 31520]

Carnival is the main one you want to avoid for floating Walmart.

Royal Caribbean is spendy and the ships are nice, but ginormous, which implies a lot of people of Walmart.

Holland America I think is a step up from Royal Caribbean.

I have always heard good things about Alaska cruises.  Not beachy, so fewer families with ringmeat kids.

My parents really enjoyed a cruise on the St. Lawrence.

Edited June 8, 2023 by TwiceHorn

[Deej 76886]

10 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

have to be the run away leaders on 400 lb. bald women with tribal tattoos, and 145 lb. husbands in thong bikinis

fify

[Ghost of LL 15539]

Silversea, Regent Seven Seas, Celebrity, and Seabourn are all very nice.  

[South Austin 52559]

I’m a fan of Pablo Cruise.

[Gil Bang 25991]

10 minutes ago, Ghost of LL said:

Silversea, Regent Seven Seas, Celebrity, and Seabourn are all very nice.  

My only experience was Celebrity, and I was blown away at the cleanliness, the positive attitude of the entire ship's crew and staff, and the quality of the food.  The service was outstanding.

[conVINCEd 21469]

Alaska and Antarctica are the only 2 that I would consider doing, and Antarctica is not really a cruise, but the only way to get there for something in the neighborhood of affordable is by boat.

[VABuckeye 2472]

3 hours ago, Your Mom said:

I’m being roped into taking my mom on a cruise with some other family for her 80th birthday. I’ve never been on a cruise. I don’t want to go on a cruise.  

What cruise lines and ports do I avoid to minimize my exposure to trashy people. And which do I seek out instead? 

Do Alaska or Norway.  The trash ones factor goes way way down. 

[Mo Horn 8853]

I did one on Carnival because we went with friends, and that's what they sail all the time. Absolutely Walmart on water. We are booked on Oceania in September. Less than 1000 passengers and supposedly everything, especially the food,  is very upscale. It definitely cost more. We shall see. 

[jimmyjazz 46058]

I've been on one cruise.  Carnival, right after they opened up their Galveston -> Yucatan run.

I must strongly suggest you avoid Carnival.  "Floating Walmart" is an insult to Walmart.

[Beau Vine 54358]

2 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

ringmeat kids.

 

[TwiceHorn 31520]

13 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Fan of 'Salem's Lot?

[Your Mom 4837]

1 hour ago, VABuckeye said:

Do Alaska or Norway.  The trash ones factor goes way way down. 

I wish something like that was in the cards but it’s not. My mom and sister are beach people. I couldn’t give a fuck about going to the beach for the rest of my life if it were up to me.  
My mom hasn’t traveled a whole lot in her life, so we’re trying to make it a great trip for her and it will need to be tropical. 

[jimmyjazz 46058]

Just bite the bullet and deal.  It's gonna suck.  Make sure there's a casino on board and look for the all-you-can-drink package.

[Macanudo 13007]

3 hours ago, South Austin said:

I’m a fan of Pablo Cruise.

So is your mom.

[Texzilla58 4742]

Do a Windjammer sailing yacht out of BVI. Of course your mom might have to help rig the masts.

[Baboontyme 2821]

I did an Alaska cruise with my wife pre kids (08 maybe) on Princess. We were the only people on the boat under 114 years old. 

[4th and 5 4915]

4 hours ago, South Austin said:

I’m a fan of Pablo Cruise.

 

1 hour ago, Macanudo said:

So is your mom.

 

It’s alright, once you get past the pain

[Slacks 6840]

Floating Walmart can be enjoyable in the right spirit. 

I've only ever cruised Walmart (3x)

I'm interested in others, but isn't Viking only for the olds? 

[rage-a-holic 4445]

Book a cruise with a first stop in Cozumel. Go to Buccanos.  Drink, have fun on the beach, snorkel, etc. Accidentally "Forget" what time the cruise ship leaves.

Stay in a nice hotel/airbnb for a few days. Fly home. You'll cut out the amount of time you have to be around cruise ship people by 80%.

[VABuckeye 2472]

 Be sure to have matching t shirts in an obnoxious color that says “Grandmamas Big Trip”. 

[USCATX 1078]

We did a Carnival out of Galveston in like 2010 and it was certainly trashy. But they had a guy playing country and a floor for two stepping in the bar so we made the most of it. My favorite part was watching a lady (who weighed more than my wife and I combined) bring a plate heaped to capacity with fried chicken and eat it by the pool while watching the pool shenanigans.  It was an amazing performance and the bone pile looked like a family of four had eaten dinner but this was about 10:30 am. 

[SimonBolivar 10958]

15 hours ago, Your Mom said:

I’m being roped into taking my mom on a cruise with some other family for her 80th birthday. I’ve never been on a cruise.

That's a pretty good Everybody Loves Raymond episode.

[South Austin 52559]

12 hours ago, Macanudo said:

So is your mom.

10 hours ago, 4th and 5 said:

It’s alright, once you get past the pain

[kevwun 15843]

The Norwegian Alaskan cruise we did was very nice.  Only go on a Carnival cruise if you are ok with the possibility of eating onion sandwiches, sleeping on deck and crapping in a bucket.

[ztejas 43526]

Only cruise I've been on was Disney Alaska. It wasn't trashy, but like others have said, sounds like the Alaska factor cuts down on that. 

And I'd recommend any Alaska cruise (or Alaska in general) as I'm assuming they all stop at the same places. 

[kevwun 15843]

There will be a few different port stops, but the routes are mostly the same for all of them.

Edited June 9, 2023 by kevwun

[jimmyjazz 46058]

2 hours ago, USCATX said:

We did a Carnival out of Galveston in like 2010 and it was certainly trashy. But they had a guy playing country and a floor for two stepping in the bar so we made the most of it. My favorite part was watching a lady (who weighed more than my wife and I combined) bring a plate heaped to capacity with fried chicken and eat it by the pool while watching the pool shenanigans.  It was an amazing performance and the bone pile looked like a family of four had eaten dinner but this was about 10:30 am. 

I did appreciate the 24 hour pizza bar.  It wasn't great pizza, but it was good enough, and 24 hours.

[DFWTexEx 277]

After years of being anti-cruise, we bit the bullet in the post pandemic "what the hell" world.  We will be doing a Virgin Voyages cruise out of Barcelona this fall.  Virgin's attempt to disrupt the industry worked on us.  There is none of the traditional stuff (no formal nights, buffets, fixed seated meals...).  It's adults only and adult themes are part of the deal. It's not for the squeamish, socially conservative crowd.  All the specialty restaurants look good and are included. The clubs look stylish too, plus there is an overnight stop in Ibiza.  We'll see hot it goes.

[HenryJames 66152]

47 minutes ago, kevwun said:

Only go on a Carnival cruise if you are ok with the possibility of eating onion sandwiches, sleeping on deck and crapping in a bucket.

[Deej 76886]

17 minutes ago, DFWTexEx said:

After years of being anti-cruise, we bit the bullet in the post pandemic "what the hell" world.  We will be doing a Virgin Voyages cruise out of Barcelona this fall.  Virgin's attempt to disrupt the industry worked on us.  There is none of the traditional stuff (no formal nights, buffets, fixed seated meals...).  It's adults only and adult themes are part of the deal. It's not for the squeamish, socially conservative crowd.  All the specialty restaurants look good and are included. The clubs look stylish too, plus there is an overnight stop in Ibiza.  We'll see hot it goes.

Swinger's cruise, eh?

[Dbeasy 15078]

I’m in Greece and watched 7, yes 7, massive cruises land at Santorini. I’ve never been in a cruise and never want to go on one. It’s a cattle call to pre-manufactured worthless experiences. 

[Biff Tannen 45702]

4 hours ago, USCATX said:

We did a Carnival out of Galveston in like 2010 and it was certainly trashy. But they had a guy playing country and a floor for two stepping in the bar so we made the most of it. My favorite part was watching a lady (who weighed more than my wife and I combined) bring a plate heaped to capacity with fried chicken and eat it by the pool while watching the pool shenanigans.  It was an amazing performance and the bone pile looked like a family of four had eaten dinner but this was about 10:30 am. 

What a fucking nightmare.  Good god man.

[landman 559]

14 hours ago, Your Mom said:

I wish something like that was in the cards but it’s not. My mom and sister are beach people. I couldn’t give a fuck about going to the beach for the rest of my life if it were up to me.  
My mom hasn’t traveled a whole lot in her life, so we’re trying to make it a great trip for her and it will need to be tropical. 

Skip the cruise.  Get everyone to fly to Cancun, stay at one of the resorts there, Playa, etc. and get the beach time, drinks, less Walmart and more hot chicks in thongs.

[UnivTex34 1763]

my smallish company is doing an anniversary cruise in October. Carnival out of Galveston. I knew it was bad, but yall are making feel awesome about it.

 

Oh well week away from the kids, and no cost, so I intend on getting blasted and watching the Walmart shit sho.

[The Ace of Aces 5194]

Is money a factor? If so, Holland America will be best (Celebrity would be too but gets a younger/more wild vibe than HAL).

If you have some money, Oceania or Viking (I despise Viking's payment policies).  

If money isn't an issue at all, Seabourn/Silversea/Regent. 

[rivin 199]

2 minutes ago, landman said:

Skip the cruise.  Get everyone to fly to Cancun, stay at one of the resorts there, Playa, etc. and get the beach time, drinks, less Walmart and more hot chicks in thongs.

I agree with this. I went on eight cruises before losing interest and starting to go directly to places. Flights to Cancun are so cheap, and there are so many resorts to choose from there and in neighboring areas. We are staying at the Valentin Imperial in August, and we stayed at Le Blanc last year.

[Your Mom 4837]

I’ve been angling for the resort for a couple months now, but I’m getting outvoted by other family members.  I’m the first generation in my family to escape a long line of white trash, so some of the family is not as averse to floating Walmart as I am. 

[rage-a-holic 4445]

42 minutes ago, Your Mom said:

I’ve been angling for the resort for a couple months now, but I’m getting outvoted by other family members.  I’m the first generation in my family to escape a long line of white trash, so some of the family is not as averse to floating Walmart as I am. 

Just remember, if you the miss the cruise ship boarding cutoff at one of your stops, you HAVE to stay where you are and get a hotel.

Tell your family that's international law and so forth.

[Your Mom 4837]

5 minutes ago, rage-a-holic said:

Just remember, if you the miss the cruise ship boarding cutoff at one of your stops, you HAVE to stay where you are and get a hotel.

Tell your family that's international law and so forth.

I’m more likely to tell them the boarding cut off is about two hours after it actually is. 

[texasdago 7577]

Having seen cruise passengers in Galveston the easy answer is avoid Galveston.  Then again, a cruise souds like a root canal to me.  Zero interest.  The day I finally go on a cruise it will be a river cruise in Europe which I understand is completely different.  As for the massive cruise ships that serve 24 hour buffets?  Hard pass.  No.  No. 

 

[Paco 1934]

I know your family. You'll be on a Carnival floating toilet out of Galveston and you'll like it.

[Deej 76886]

Just charter a super yacht. 

Edited June 9, 2023 by Deej