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RFK Jr. off the chain and off his rocker

Satchel

By Satchel
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Kyrie Eleison
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RFK Jr every time he stumbles across roadkill or a rotting animal carcass:

27-25
27-25

I don't give a damn what he says.  I'm no giving up my Jalapeno Poppers!  

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aggie08

aggie08 21436

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I never understand how "famous"--but completely unrelated--right wing loons always end up in the same rooms as each other. There's got to be some kind of touring circuit that we're all blissfully unaware of.

Or is AOC doing George Clooney's podcast in a basement somewhere, and this is all normal?

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atomheartbevo

atomheartbevo 89465

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Interviewer: Thank you, for granting us this interview.

RFK Jr: Glad to be here, some of the mainstream media won't even return my calls.

Interviewer: Right, well first, I’d like to talk to you about your presidential race.

RFK Jr: I am the only candidate willing to talk about how Bill Gates is injecting microchips into the COVID-19 vaccines.  And you know they have a COVID-24 pandemic ready to go for later this year or early next year, right? If Kamala Harris loses to either myself or Donald Trump, there will be a pandemic and they will suspend the swearing in of the next President and they will remain in power.

Interviewer: Okay…I was hoping to talk about your beliefs and how you would have handled the COVID pandemic a little later in the interview.

RFK Jr: It’s very important, and I want you to understand that they aren’t beliefs - that implies that it’s just something that I, Robert Francis Kennedy Jr, happen to believe.  These are facts.

Interviewer: Okay, sure, we’ll talk about the facts of the COVID-19 pandemic later in this interview.

RFK Jr: You know why it’s called COVID-19, right?

Interviewer: Because it was discovered in 2019?

RFK Jr: No, because they had prepared 18 different pandemics prior to that, and then pulled the trigger on the 19th because Donald Trump was in the White House.

Interviewer:  Okay, I…look, let’s talk about your presidential race and the elephant in the room, and specifically the fact that many of your fam-

RFK Jr: You want to talk about elephants and all those rumors? Look, I didn’t travel to Zimbabwe in 1984 and hunt down and kill an elephant, and then carve it’s heart out with the knife that my uncle, you know, President John F. Kennedy, carried on PT-109 when it was sunk out from underneath him, and that he used to break open coconuts and kill native islanders with, and then skin them and use their flesh to protect his sun-ravaged body and their meat to keep he and his men alive. I didn’t eat the heart of the elephant raw, nor did I look my first wife in the eyes while I was eating it and tell her that if she ever betrayed me, I would do the exact same thing to her and get away with it, because I’m a Kennedy.

Interviewer: I…..have never heard that rumor before..I…

RFK Jr: Oh, and I suppose you are going to talk about the rumor that I traveled to Zambia in 1997 and also hunted down and killed an elephant there, and carved out its heart with my uncle’s knife as well, and ate it raw while looking in the eyes of my second wife and telling her that not only would I hunt her down and carve out her heart and eat it raw if she betrayed me, but I would also do the same to her four sisters. And it was just a coincidence that eating that raw heart caused me to digest a parasite commonly found in the blood of Zambian elephants, that causes a paralysis of some parts of my vocal cords.  And no I didn’t pay a doctor to produce a report saying I had spasmodic dysphonia to cover for having killed an elephant and eating its heart raw, that’s just another nasty Deep State rumor.

Interviewer: Sir, I have never heard of any of those rumors and when I said “elephant in the room” I wanted to talk to you about the fact that even though your family is deeply involved with politics going back multiple generations, all of your cousins and siblings have come out against you, and instead endorsed another candidate. I want to circle back to this elephant thing, but I honestly just wanted to know how your relationship is with your cousins and if you still talk to them.

RFK Jr: Oh, that elephant in the room.  I still love some of my cousins, and you know..there’s a few I don’t talk to very often.  My mother was a Skakel, and that’s caused me some problems. I had to send some people to jail, I mean it was rumored I sent some people to jail.

Interviewer: I…ummm…I’m not talking about the Skakel side of your family, but rather your more famous cousins, including Caroline Kennedy and others.

RFK Jr: So anyways, around Halloween of 1975, I was staying with my Aunt Anne and Uncle Rushton in Greenwich, Connecticut, you know, Rushton was my mom’s brother.  Anyways, the neighbors, there was this cute girl, she was maybe 5 or 6 years younger than me, it was the night before Halloween and she and her friends were running around TPing people’s houses and playing pranks, and my idiot cousins Tommy and Michael were doing anything they could to get her alone. It really pissed me off to see her making out with Tommy, because I’m a fucking Kennedy, you know what I mean? Those two were just shit-ass Skakels and if she should be hanging out and flirting with anybody it should be with somebody whose last name is K-E-N-N-E-D-Y and not fucking S-K-A-K-E-L, which sounds a little too close to “skank”. Things got really fucking wild that night while Michael was at some Monty Python movie with some friends, and I had to take a golf club and take care of some things because that’s what Kennedys fucking do. It’s rumored that I left her body in her parent’s yard and made it look like a bicycle accident, but bicycles don’t beat and stab people to death with a broken golf club from their uncle’s house, even I know that, and the cops damned sure knew that..

Interviewer: *gasping* Are you talking about Martha Moxley?  I’ve never heard rumors that you were involved with her death or that you were anywhere near the area.

RFK Jr:  That's just rumors. Nobody could prove a thing, and you’ll never find anybody who is willing to say that I was even there staying with my aunt and uncle that Thursday night, because as far as you know, I was at Harvard and that's what my mom made sure that people knew - that I was at Harvard that night. Speaking of rumors it was expensive to have a bunch of rumors spread around to help frame my dumbass cousin Michael Skakel in the late 1990s, leading to his arrest in 2000, because I was considering running for office, which I ended up not doing, sorry Michael.  Hell, I even churned out a book defending him full of bullshit so I could pretend that I was helping him, but everybody saw through it but nobody suspected me, and even today nobody cares that I blamed a couple of Black kids from The Bronx in the book.

Interviewer:

 Married At First Sight Wow GIF by Lifetime

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atomheartbevo

atomheartbevo 89465

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Interviewer: So Mr. Kennedy, there's been a lot of tragedy in your life. How do you feel the assassinations of your father and uncle have shaped your run for the nation's highest office, and what do you say to those voters who feel that maybe you are trading on the Kennedy name for political capital?

RFK Jr:  You know, there was almost a tragedy involving me, and I would have died in my 40s just like my dad and uncle.

Interviewer: What?

RFK Jr: Yeah, I was almost killed on 9/11 when the planes hit the World Trade Center

Interviewer: With all due respect Mr. Kennedy, many people have claimed to have almost died on 9/11, either because of missed flights or they had to change flights at the last minute.

RFK Jr: It wasn't because of a missed flight - I was supposed to be on Flight 11 but I wasn't feeling well.  My family and I had been visiting relatives in Massachusetts, and we were out late at a party the night of September 10th and I ate something that disagreed with me. The next morning, there we are in Logan, waiting on our American Airlines flight out to LA for a much-needed vacation - I had been working on setting up this environmental law firm for the last year or two and just needed a break.  

RFK Jr: I wasn't feeling well and the prospect for a 6-hour flight was not helping things. I was just looking for an excuse to bail on that flight. There was some Middle Eastern guys arguing with somebody at the counter, apparently their tickets were screwed up or something and they couldn't buy new ones for some reason. Like I said, I was looking for an excuse to bail and I knew I couldn't get my money back at that point.  I told this guy in a blue shirt who seemed to be the other guys' boss, I think his name was Mohammed something rather, "hey give me whatever cash you have and I'll transfer the tickets my family and I have to you and you all can fly out to LA". He gave me over $5,000 and I told him it was too much, but he said he didn't need it.  Probably one of those West Coast tech millionaires or something.  

Interviewer: I don't know what to say to that.

RFK Jr: Don't get me wrong, I occasionally feel guilty - if we hadn't sold our ticket to those guys, they wouldn't have made their flight to LA and they would still be alive, and we would have been killed.  It makes me appreciate my life.

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45504

Posted
Posted
22 hours ago, atomheartbevo said:

Interviewer: Thank you, for granting us this interview.

RFK Jr: Glad to be here, some of the mainstream media won't even return my calls.

Interviewer: Right, well first, I’d like to talk to you about your presidential race.

RFK Jr: I am the only candidate willing to talk about how Bill Gates is injecting microchips into the COVID-19 vaccines.  And you know they have a COVID-24 pandemic ready to go for later this year or early next year, right? If Kamala Harris loses to either myself or Donald Trump, there will be a pandemic and they will suspend the swearing in of the next President and they will remain in power.

Interviewer: Okay…I was hoping to talk about your beliefs and how you would have handled the COVID pandemic a little later in the interview.

RFK Jr: It’s very important, and I want you to understand that they aren’t beliefs - that implies that it’s just something that I, Robert Francis Kennedy Jr, happen to believe.  These are facts.

Interviewer: Okay, sure, we’ll talk about the facts of the COVID-19 pandemic later in this interview.

RFK Jr: You know why it’s called COVID-19, right?

Interviewer: Because it was discovered in 2019?

RFK Jr: No, because they had prepared 18 different pandemics prior to that, and then pulled the trigger on the 19th because Donald Trump was in the White House.

Interviewer:  Okay, I…look, let’s talk about your presidential race and the elephant in the room, and specifically the fact that many of your fam-

RFK Jr: You want to talk about elephants and all those rumors? Look, I didn’t travel to Zimbabwe in 1984 and hunt down and kill an elephant, and then carve it’s heart out with the knife that my uncle, you know, President John F. Kennedy, carried on PT-109 when it was sunk out from underneath him, and that he used to break open coconuts and kill native islanders with, and then skin them and use their flesh to protect his sun-ravaged body and their meat to keep he and his men alive. I didn’t eat the heart of the elephant raw, nor did I look my first wife in the eyes while I was eating it and tell her that if she ever betrayed me, I would do the exact same thing to her and get away with it, because I’m a Kennedy.

Interviewer: I…..have never heard that rumor before..I…

RFK Jr: Oh, and I suppose you are going to talk about the rumor that I traveled to Zambia in 1997 and also hunted down and killed an elephant there, and carved out its heart with my uncle’s knife as well, and ate it raw while looking in the eyes of my second wife and telling her that not only would I hunt her down and carve out her heart and eat it raw if she betrayed me, but I would also do the same to her four sisters. And it was just a coincidence that eating that raw heart caused me to digest a parasite commonly found in the blood of Zambian elephants, that causes a paralysis of some parts of my vocal cords.  And no I didn’t pay a doctor to produce a report saying I had spasmodic dysphonia to cover for having killed an elephant and eating its heart raw, that’s just another nasty Deep State rumor.

Interviewer: Sir, I have never heard of any of those rumors and when I said “elephant in the room” I wanted to talk to you about the fact that even though your family is deeply involved with politics going back multiple generations, all of your cousins and siblings have come out against you, and instead endorsed another candidate. I want to circle back to this elephant thing, but I honestly just wanted to know how your relationship is with your cousins and if you still talk to them.

RFK Jr: Oh, that elephant in the room.  I still love some of my cousins, and you know..there’s a few I don’t talk to very often.  My mother was a Skakel, and that’s caused me some problems. I had to send some people to jail, I mean it was rumored I sent some people to jail.

Interviewer: I…ummm…I’m not talking about the Skakel side of your family, but rather your more famous cousins, including Caroline Kennedy and others.

RFK Jr: So anyways, around Halloween of 1975, I was staying with my Aunt Anne and Uncle Rushton in Greenwich, Connecticut, you know, Rushton was my mom’s brother.  Anyways, the neighbors, there was this cute girl, she was maybe 5 or 6 years younger than me, it was the night before Halloween and she and her friends were running around TPing people’s houses and playing pranks, and my idiot cousins Tommy and Michael were doing anything they could to get her alone. It really pissed me off to see her making out with Tommy, because I’m a fucking Kennedy, you know what I mean? Those two were just shit-ass Skakels and if she should be hanging out and flirting with anybody it should be with somebody whose last name is K-E-N-N-E-D-Y and not fucking S-K-A-K-E-L, which sounds a little too close to “skank”. Things got really fucking wild that night while Michael was at some Monty Python movie with some friends, and I had to take a golf club and take care of some things because that’s what Kennedys fucking do. It’s rumored that I left her body in her parent’s yard and made it look like a bicycle accident, but bicycles don’t beat and stab people to death with a broken golf club from their uncle’s house, even I know that, and the cops damned sure knew that..

Interviewer: *gasping* Are you talking about Martha Moxley?  I’ve never heard rumors that you were involved with her death or that you were anywhere near the area.

RFK Jr:  That's just rumors. Nobody could prove a thing, and you’ll never find anybody who is willing to say that I was even there staying with my aunt and uncle that Thursday night, because as far as you know, I was at Harvard and that's what my mom made sure that people knew - that I was at Harvard that night. Speaking of rumors it was expensive to have a bunch of rumors spread around to help frame my dumbass cousin Michael Skakel in the late 1990s, leading to his arrest in 2000, because I was considering running for office, which I ended up not doing, sorry Michael.  Hell, I even churned out a book defending him full of bullshit so I could pretend that I was helping him, but everybody saw through it but nobody suspected me, and even today nobody cares that I blamed a couple of Black kids from The Bronx in the book.

Interviewer:

 Married At First Sight Wow GIF by Lifetime

Wow

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 10984

Posted
Posted
On 8/4/2024 at 4:09 PM, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

Just when you think the dude could not be any weirder ....

 

 

 

 

On 8/4/2024 at 4:25 PM, Ted Lange said:

image.png.efbe58eb9e46e08fcf3e39e363c960b0.png

 

of-course-anchorman.gif

 

 

On 8/5/2024 at 10:20 AM, Post Oak said:

Why is your zipper down Rob?

 

 

 

On 8/5/2024 at 10:50 AM, Brisketexan said:

I mean....we all know he fucked the dead bear cub before dumping the body, right?

 

 

well, now we know how he got brain worms

 

 

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Vegas64

Vegas64 666

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Dude that New Yorker article is nuts. A long read but worth it. Two things that really jumped out at me: they will let any legacy into Harvard and wow didn’t realize the hardcore drugs he was on.

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34471

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9 hours ago, Vegas64 said:

Dude that New Yorker article is nuts. A long read but worth it. Two things that really jumped out at me: they will let any legacy into Harvard and wow didn’t realize the hardcore drugs he was on.

That story is about a broken person struggling with the long-term impacts of trauma at a young age, hard drug use on cognitive function, and no actual consequences to prompt a course correction or lead to a complete crash.  It’s tragic and sad even if it means he is a person completely unsuited to any position of responsibility or authority. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19449

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, Hank Kingsley said:

Setting the line at +110 that within 10 years it's discovered and reported that RFK Jr. was a serial killer.

 

What fucking human being who lives with just one other person needs 1,000 Ft.2 walk-in freezer?  That's larger than a standard industrial/restaurant 12x12.  Unless he picked one up at an Applebee's auction, how the hell does he even know that size?  This guy is beyond fucking strange.  I'm also noticing you never see video clips or photos with Cheryl anymore, just other weirdoes.  

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Shaddie

Shaddie 1638

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Posted
21 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

What fucking human being who lives with just one other person needs 1,000 Ft.2 walk-in freezer?  That's larger than a standard industrial/restaurant 12x12.  Unless he picked one up at an Applebee's auction, how the hell does he even know that size?  This guy is beyond fucking strange.  I'm also noticing you never see video clips or photos with Cheryl anymore, just other weirdoes.  

Well when there is sales of bears……..err briskets you gotta stock up. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19449

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Posted

It's like some weird "Arrested Development" reboot (RIPcarlweathers) with RFKJR as a wealthy political coach.  "Whoah, whoah.  There's still plenty of good meat left on that roadkill bear, son.  You help me take this bloody slab back to my freezer.  We toss in some carrots, a potato, maybe an onion.  Baby, we got ourselves an Adirondack Stew going!"  

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TheStoicPaisano

TheStoicPaisano 9904

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, YGIFS said:

What fucking human being who lives with just one other person needs 1,000 Ft.2 walk-in freezer?  That's larger than a standard industrial/restaurant 12x12.  Unless he picked one up at an Applebee's auction, how the hell does he even know that size?  This guy is beyond fucking strange.  I'm also noticing you never see video clips or photos with Cheryl anymore, just other weirdoes.  

 

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C-Man

C-Man 27071

Posted
Posted
Setting the line at +110 that within 10 years it's discovered and reported that RFK Jr. was a serial killer.
 

Roadkill, hitchhikers — you say tomato, I say tomahto
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Sawbonz

Sawbonz 27445

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Posted
5 hours ago, Hank Kingsley said:

Setting the line at +110 that within 10 years it's discovered and reported that RFK Jr. was a serial killer.

 

Where does he keep his imitation crab meat?

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11563

Posted
Posted

Ill informed hot take warning-

 

Just got totally caught up with the bear story and saw clips of the discussion with Roseanne.

Quite possibly the most bizarre story I have ever heard.  What the absolute fuck?  It's like a story Kramer sold to Peterman, but so outlandish no one would ever, ever believe it.

 

 

 

 

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C-Man

C-Man 27071

Posted
Posted
Ill informed hot take warning-
 
Just got totally caught up with the bear story and saw clips of the discussion with Roseanne.
Quite possibly the most bizarre story I have ever heard.  What the absolute fuck?  It's like a story Kramer sold to Peterman, but so outlandish no one would ever, ever believe it.
 
 
 
 

Posted already in this thread but probably worth posting again in response:

12f7080ffe5d92635ac597f241e2321d.jpg
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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45504

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Posted
35 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

😂😂

 

 


Flynn should have swang from a tree long ago 

The right wing media goes into such wild places. Like wtf is patriot tv?  I don’t think I would even know where to begin to look for something like that, if I were so inclined. Or deranged. 

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