being offended

[shadow_operative 15932]

pretty simple premise here, but i honestly don't understand the idea of being offended. the genesis of this thread comes from an incident yesterday where the basketball board got all up in arms because someone said the word "retarded", replete with half the thread rallying behind the idea that it's NEVER ok to use that word/those words, which of course is completely retarded, especially here on surly (not to mention in half the tv shows and movies we celebrate here). here's where i'm going with this:

I don't understand the concept of being offended. I don't think there's anything that anyone in the world could say that would actually offend me. you could call my mom a whore, tell me i'm a fat bipolar bitch, or make a crass joke about dead babies who tragically died in a house fire- i still don't find any of that to be "offensive" per se. those things might make me mad; i might look down on you, or feel sorry for you if that's how you choose to act; but as far as pearl-clutching, *gasp*, "that's offensive to me" goes? yeah, i honestly just don't get it. i'm way, way too desensitized to stuff like that to get offended. 

so, i'm here for your thoughts. what, if anything, offends you? and is there any reason for any adult person to ever truly feel offended? i've spent some time thinking about this and i can't remember the last time i felt offended, and i struggle to come up with something that i could truly find offensive. again, people can say all sorts of terrible things that are in totally poor taste, but to me, being offended is a conscious choice that is made, a choice that anyone could choose to stop feeling at any time. i don't see how anyone who doesn't want to be offended can find themselves offended. thoughts? comments? am i delusional? am i actually offended by these things but i just don't realize it? i'd like to know.  i'll hang up and listen now.

Edited July 18, 2023 by shadow_operative

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4976]

of·fend
/əˈfend/
verb
1.
cause to feel upset, annoyed, or resentful.

[DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12301]

I, uh…hmm.

[Guest]

But one comment on Rick Barnes yields multipage diatribes...

Kidding but not kidding.  It's one thing to say you cannot be offended, but your reactions to certain things say different.

[Celery Man 20943]

What is the feeling you have when someone disagrees with you about Rick and Morty and you spend 20 pages being pissed about it 

[Orale 1087]

I rarely get offended by anything. But I feel protective of those in society who are vulnerable. When I hear someone use cruel language that has historically been used to oppress and demean a vulnerable group, I'm not going to get in their face (assuming they're not actually using it towards someone in that group directly), but I sure as hell will think that person is a piece of shit and think much less of their character. I'm far from perfect and I think people can change and improve, so I try not to shame others or even judge them too harshly in my mind. But I think it's fair and healthy to be offended by certain language and behavior if its motive is to be cruel.

[956 Worldwide 34710]

I know where this thread is going……

But don’t say the r-word man.  Not cool. 

[Your Mom 4805]

You’ve been offended by things said on this board and it’s predecessors for going on 20 years now probably.  So offended in fact that you habitually rant on and on about it whether you use the exact word or not.  

Also, one of the sweetest people I know is my girlfriend’s brother with Downs syndrome. Using his condition as an insult is, well, offensive.  And if you can’t see why then the issue is with you. 

[Parliament 14258]

Cool thread.  Would read again.

[Bevo 13576]

Half of the offended people probably use the phrase hot wheels. People are hypocrites. People are assholes. People are friendly. People are caring. People are aggressive. Don't worry about them. Worry about yourself and being the best you can be.

With that said, I treat a lot of mentally challenged people from autism to downs to car accidents. I have had workers use offensive words when not thinking and I'll pull them aside and let them know that it is wrong. I have never gotten angry about it though, and use it mainly as a teaching moment. That approach seems to work except on surly.

Edited July 18, 2023 by Bevo

[956 Worldwide 34710]

Here’s my actual thoughts about this one. Not many people are actually, literally offended and clutching their pearls and most of us flung this one around at some point. But as it’s been explained by people with special needs and their advocates— when you use the word “retarded” as a synonym for something that’s really dumb or broken or not cool or FUBAR, then by extension you’re saying that so are people with intellectual disabilities. And that’s a deeply hurtful way to think or talk about real people, even if you don’t mean it that way. 
 

So people telling you “maybe don’t” are not hyperventilating or pearl clinchers. They’re offering you a chance to be just a little bit cooler and kinder yourself by choosing better and more creative insults. You can take it or not.  But if you don’t, then you don’t get to argue with the rest of the world about how they look at you. They’re going to think you’re super un-cool and unkind. 

[TonyTexas 10510]

[Texaskimo 135]

1 hour ago, shadow_operative said:

I don't understand the concept of being offended. I don't think there's anything that anyone in the world could say that would actually offend me. ...words...i still don't find any of that to be "offensive" per se. those things might make me mad; i might look down on you, or feel sorry for you if that's how you choose to act; 

 

The word used to describe feeling these sorts of negative emotions as a result of what some said is "offended."

These things offend you, that's why you feel angry and self-righteously superior.

 

[BehoId, The Underminer! 11669]

The issue is being a decent person more than specific words.  That makes everything context specific.  

[royiv 9302]

Based on how worked up you are, it would appear that you're the one that is offended. Offended that other posters called you out on using a term that makes you look dumb and uninformed.

[Lord Melbourne 24]

This thread is, well, you know 

[shadow_operative 15932]

1 hour ago, slorch said:

But one comment on Rick Barnes yields multipage diatribes...

Kidding but not kidding.  It's one thing to say you cannot be offended, but your reactions to certain things say different.

i would ask you to cite some evidence if this if you're going to accuse me of it. 

[Guest]

Really?  I said I was kidding also; but it is a known dog whistle to mention Rick Barnes and you will come running.  i exaggerated for effect, but not much.

 

 

Edited July 18, 2023 by slorch

[shadow_operative 15932]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

What is the feeling you have when someone disagrees with you about Rick and Morty and you spend 20 pages being pissed about it 

 

y'all got upset in that thread, not me. it's wild, these mental gymnastics that y'all perform. i said the show had fallen off and y'all went apeshit about it for 50 pages. i never got upset about it. what a wildly self-unaware rewriting of history. 

Edited July 18, 2023 by shadow_operative

[shadow_operative 15932]

1 minute ago, slorch said:

Really?  I said I was kidding also; but it is a known dog whistle to mention Rick Barnes and you will come running.

 

 

 

you've mentioned his name twice now and i've responded with a total of two benign sentences. i don't think you know what you're talking about here.

[nineliveslost 2753]

I went through the drive through, got my order with the correct price and said, "thanks man" and was about to drive off when I got a "I'm not a man and that's offensive." 

Dude was clearly a dude. 

What. The. Fuck. Ever.

((YELLING AT CLOUDS)) Everyone and their ever changing and adding social bullshit rules. It's a beating and I am offended they are offended

 

[Guest]

Hey I am the same way way about Mike Leach.  It is what it is.

Not trying to trap ya or "gotcha."  Just fucking around.

[Pig Bellmont 8717]

1 hour ago, shadow_operative said:

pretty simple premise here, but i honestly don't understand the idea of being offended.

You don’t understand the idea that people get upset by actions or words from others? I don’t believe you 

[Hermanator 7042]

1 hour ago, shadow_operative said:

 I don't think there's anything that anyone in the world could say that would actually offend me. 

[Dbeasy 15048]

This thread offends me. 

[Hawndoh 2386]

The thing about being offensive is that the one doing the offending does not get to define what is offensive.

It doesn't matter if you think some words are fine.

[shadow_operative 15932]

1 hour ago, Your Mom said:

Also, one of the sweetest people I know is my girlfriend’s brother with Downs syndrome. Using his condition as an insult is, well, offensive.  And if you can’t see why then the issue is with you. 

well first off, nobody is talking about "using his condition as an insult", although i obviously have to point out how many times my own mental and physical illnesses have been used to hurt me here while none of you have ever said a thing when it's happened. so, that's some selective morality right there.

here's my question: do you think it would be out of bounds for someone to post these videos here:

 

 

 

 

because that's what the discussion is about. not whether or not it's bad to use the word in an expressly cruel and hurtful way towards someone (because duh, we know that's bad), we are talking about completely banning ghe word, in any context. that's where the debate comes in. not whether or not it would be mean to call a mentally handicapped person the r word. 

Edited July 18, 2023 by shadow_operative

[TonyTexas 10510]

I’m offended when a grown up doesn’t use correct punctuation and/or capitalization. Or for that matter, any. 

Edited July 18, 2023 by TonyTexas

[royiv 9302]

How do you feel about racial slurs? Sexual orientation slurs? Are those also inbounds for you? Why is it so important to you to have the approval of the community to use a word?

Edit to add, you keep bringing up your own mental illness. It obviously upsets you that your illness has been used as a source of insults so you might understand why using a word the demeans a certain group of people can be hurtful to some people. You're using the argument of others have been mean to me so it's okay for me to be mean to others. That's lazy. Strive to be better.

Edited July 18, 2023 by royiv

[Judge Roybeanbag 11819]

How bout shoulder checks?  Are those offensive?  
 

Seriously though, the older I’ve gotten the more chill I’ve gotten.  Live and let live is an important component of a happier life.  

[ClubWhatever 12138]

This is news?

[troph 24788]

You’re retarded or that’s retarded (referring to what someone says) absolutely is an insult of the recipient and by extension an insult to anyone who has a developmental or cognitive impairment. It doesn’t matter if that doesn’t offend (read upset) you.  It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t upset me. It’s not cool to talk that way. 

[South Austin 52490]

My poor mom is denigrated on an hourly basis on this forum.  I'm the last guy here who is offended.

[shadow_operative 15932]

5 minutes ago, troph said:

You’re retarded or that’s retarded (referring to what someone says) absolutely is an insult of the recipient and by extension an insult to anyone who has a developmental or cognitive impairment. It doesn’t matter if that doesn’t offend (read upset) you.  It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t upset me. It’s not cool to talk that way. 

ok good, this is what i'm looking for. how do we, as the surly denizens, make sense of both celebrating norm macdonald, billy madison, in bruges, kenny powers, etc, while also taking a hard line on the language that they use? i can't make any sense of that. those two things can't coexist. 

Edited July 18, 2023 by shadow_operative

[royiv 9302]

1 minute ago, South Austin said:

My poor mom is denigrated on an hourly basis on this forum.  I'm the last guy here who is offended.

I'm offended that posters trot that tired old trope out on an hourly basis on this forum. 

[royiv 9302]

3 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

ok good, this is what i'm looking for. how do we, as the surly denizens, make sense of both celebrating norm macdonald, billy madison, in bruges, jenny powers, etc, while also taking a hard line on the language that they use? i can't make any sense of that. those two things can't coexist. 

You're talking about a guy who is dead, a movie made in 2008 and one that was made in 1995. How hard is it for you to understand that language evolves? You do realize using the n word used to he socially acceptable and we don't do that any longer, right? 

[nineliveslost 2753]

Just now, royiv said:

 You do realize using the n word used to he socially acceptable and we don't do that any longer, right? 

woa woa woa. Rappers and athletes do...

J/K

[MoJames 8244]

 

[nineliveslost 2753]

Just now, MoJames said:

 

?

[956 Worldwide 34710]

5 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

ok good, this is what i'm looking for. how do we, as the surly denizens, make sense of both celebrating norm macdonald, billy madison, in bruges, jenny powers, etc, while also taking a hard line on the language that they use? i can't make any sense of that. those two things can't coexist. 

Aside from Norm Macdonald, maybe look at the fact that those characters are assholes (Kenny Powers), dimwit jerkoffs (Michael Scott), and a shithead little kid (Billy Madison)? So fire away and put yourself alongside those types of people, that’s the reaction you elicit when you talk that way. 

[troph 24788]

8 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

ok good, this is what i'm looking for. how do we, as the surly denizens, make sense of both celebrating norm macdonald, billy madison, in bruges, jenny powers, etc, while also taking a hard line on the language that they use? i can't make any sense of that. those two things can't coexist. 

Context. They are funny and said things at a time when the people who have or care for those with disabilities didn’t have the power to speak up. So we can watch and acknowledge humor but also recognize that language isn’t acceptable today. We can understand that many won’t watch it at all because it hurts.
 

I got into it hard on the Dave Chappelle show thread and it precipitated me leaving for a while (it was actually the Lia Thomas thread that was the straw). I had every intention of not coming back. I was deeply hurt and upset. That was a current comedic performance that was awful. You can watch or not. Historically it’s easier to explain, use of slurs or insulting routines in current shows is much harder to justify. You have understanding if someone doesn’t want to see it or talk about it. It’s not that hard really.

Edited July 18, 2023 by troph

[Dbeasy 15048]

10 minutes ago, troph said:

You’re retarded or that’s retarded (referring to what someone says) absolutely is an insult of the recipient and by extension an insult to anyone who has a developmental or cognitive impairment. It doesn’t matter if that doesn’t offend (read upset) you.  It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t upset me. It’s not cool to talk that way. 

And yet many of the same people who get offended by that use hot wheels on a regular basis. Hypocrites. 

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, royiv said:

I'm offended that posters trot that tired old trope out on an hourly basis on this forum. 

She's never tired though.

[shadow_operative 15932]

12 minutes ago, royiv said:

you keep bringing up your own mental illness. It obviously upsets you that your illness has been used as a source of insults so you might understand why using a word the demeans a certain group of people can be hurtful to some people. You're using the argument of others have been mean to me so it's okay for me to be mean to others

no, no i'm not. the only time i've brought up my own mental illness has been in response to other people when they try to make the point that using someone's illness disparagingly against them is mean/bad/cruel. i've simply responded by saying, "none of y'all have ever had this stance when you've seen it happen to me." i have zero desire to be mean to someone by using the r word, nor do i have any wish to get your blessing to to do so. really ironic though that you would say that and then call my take lazy. 

[Longhornsnus 200]

Looks like Derka's book club is reading one of those gay lame pop psychology books on stoicism that were popular the last 5 years for retarded dumb people and he's becoming a modern day Marcus Aurelius.

[nineliveslost 2753]

Most of the times people tell you not to be offended so easily until something offends them. Then its holly hell !!

Kinda like Howard Stern. A lot of people find him funny making fun of others until he makes fun of you. Then the outrage starts.

[troph 24788]

1 minute ago, Dbeasy said:

And yet many of the same people who get offended by that use hot wheels on a regular basis. Hypocrites. 

I struggle with that too - not using the word but with the language. yes it’s a problem and he’s also a total piece of political opportunistic garbage. 

[Your Mom 4805]

8 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

well first off, nobody is talking about "using his condition as an insult", although i obviously have to point out how many times my own mental and physical illnesses have been used to hurt me here while none of you have ever said a thing when it's happened. so, that's some selective morality right there.

here's my question: do you think it would be out of bounds for someone to post these videos here:

 

 

 

 

because that's what the discussion is about. not whether or not it's bad to use the word in an expressly cruel and hurtful way towards someone (because duh, we know that's bad), we are talking about completely banning ghe word, in any context. that's where the debate comes in. not whether or not it would be mean to call a mentally handicapped person the r word. 

It’s not an either/or but thing.  Things can be offensive and still have a place here. We’ve all said offensive things here. The difference is we aren’t all trying to pretend those things aren’t offensive. 
But nobody is changing your mind.  

[nineliveslost 2753]

5 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

And yet many of the same people who get offended by that use hot wheels on a regular basis. Hypocrites. 

ok, I spent one minute on the goggles searching this. I always thought "hot" was cool or the cool car

What you talking about Willis?

Edited July 18, 2023 by nineliveslost

[closetohumping 17440]

10 minutes ago, royiv said:

tired old trope out 

You do not get to call south Austin’s mom this. Pos