being offended

[Dahobbs 17699]

 

13 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

man a whole bunch of you have trouble reading. i've already answered your question multiple times in this thread, but here it is once more for posterity:

a gang of people who all have mentally disabled loved ones came into this thread and passionately advocated against anyone using any language which even could be used in a derogatory manner towards an ill/handicapped person, even if it wasn't being used in such a way, eg, "that event was retarded."

The fact that you cannot understand that calling something "retarded" is in fact derogatory to those with intellectual disabilities is the problem here. It is similar to when people use your name to say a thread has been fucked up. When people say a thread got "derka'd" even when you weren't the one doing it, it is still an insult to you. 

9 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

we are going in circles. i specified exactly what i was talking about in my OP, and i have repeatedly re-posted it when people like you stray way off course. you continue to do nothing but completely ignore this, and then tell me that i'm taking offense to a bunch of posts in this thread, again, based on your own tangential musings, and not my specific definition from my own OP. every single thing you're typing is superfluous.

bottom line, you have zero interest i honestly addressing what i've written, and are clearly on some tangential crusade to make this about whatever you want it to be about, and not what my OP specifically states. i'll leave you to that. have fun. 

Dude, my post was in direct response to your original post. I literally quoted it for you and walked you through response. It isn't tangential. I'm sorry that you are unable to empathize with anyone else. I'm sorry that your narcissism makes it impossible to understand any perspective that is not your own. You wanted answers, I gave them to you. You don't have to like them. But, please understand, to the rest of society, you are wrong. You are delusional. You are confused. If you ever want to fix those things, you're going to need to take some time and really think about what people have told you in this this thread. Peace my man. 

[shadow_operative 15932]

On 7/18/2023 at 6:16 AM, shadow_operative said:

i still don't find any of that to be "offensive" per se. those things might make me mad; i might look down on you, or feel sorry for you if that's how you choose to act; but as far as pearl-clutching, *gasp*, "that's offensive to me" goes?

specified in the OP and reiterated countless times. if you aren't talking about this ^^^, then we are not talking about the same thing. you don't get to change the subject and then tell me that i'm off base. i mean you can if you want to, but it's counterproductive and at a certain point just disingenuous.

BUT DERKA THERES OTHER DEFINITIONS OF "BEING OFFENDED." great. start your own thread about those then. stop just repeatedly interjecting them into conversation as if it's germane to the subject, at least when you're addressing me.

Edited July 19, 2023 by shadow_operative

[Brew 3049]

17 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

man a whole bunch of you have trouble reading. i've already answered your question multiple times in this thread, but here it is once more for posterity:

a gang of people who all have mentally disabled loved ones came into this thread and passionately advocated against anyone using any language which even could be used in a derogatory manner towards an ill/handicapped person, even if it wasn't being used in such a way, eg, "that event was retarded."

i have simply pointed out that if these people truly felt that way then they would deem personal attacks on me and/or any other mentally ill person to be equally offensive. however they clearly do not feel that way based on their years long history of failing to admonish the people who take such jabs and pot shots. that gusto and vim and vigor only exists for them when it affects ya then personally, and is not the overarching "morality" that they claim it to be. pretty simple stuff here.

Or you still clearly don’t grasp the entire conversation of this thread. 

13 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

we are going in circles. i specified exactly what i was talking about in my OP, and i have repeatedly re-posted it when people like you stray way off course. you continue to do nothing but completely ignore this, and then tell me that i'm taking offense to a bunch of posts in this thread, again, based on your own tangential musings, and not my specific definition from my own OP. every single thing you're typing is superfluous.

bottom line, you have zero interest i honestly addressing what i've written, and are clearly on some tangential crusade to make this about whatever you want it to be about, and not what my OP specifically states. i'll leave you to that. have fun. 

Basically, we’re back to the issue at hand of you just wanting to use that word and no one be offended because being offended is stupid. For some reason I’m also curious on your point at this point if that isn’t it. I’ve tied my response back to your original post, he’s tied his around and quoted individual portions. Maybe you should reread your first post and give us a concise summary of what you want to discuss. I’m happy to respond directly to posts/questions rather than just blowing them off like you seem to want to do and insisting we aren’t reading what you wrote correctly.

[Brew 3049]

3 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

specified in the OP and reiterated countless times. if you aren't talking about this ^^^, then we are not talking about the same thing. you don't get to change the subject and then tell me that i'm off base. i mean you can if you want to, but it's counterproductive and at a certain point just disingenuous.

Sweet, you’re not offended. Got it, others (really all) are and have explained their position. Now what would you like to discuss?

[Brew 3049]

1 hour ago, shadow_operative said:

specified in the OP and reiterated countless times. if you aren't talking about this ^^^, then we are not talking about the same thing. you don't get to change the subject and then tell me that i'm off base. i mean you can if you want to, but it's counterproductive and at a certain point just disingenuous.

BUT DERKA THERES OTHER DEFINITIONS OF "BEING OFFENDED." great. start your own thread about those then. stop just repeatedly interjecting them into conversation as if it's germane to the subject, at least when you're addressing me.

Offense is strictly judged in the purview of the offended, not the offender. It’s on the offender to understand their position if they so choose and that takes some level of empathy on their part. Then there are certain terms that go a step further and are held by polite society to be offensive no matter what. You being the speaker rather than the spoken to in this case doesn’t give you any right to make a determination on what is offensive. You have to actually listen to the other side to understand offense which isn’t your strong suit.

Your position on some of this feels a lot like the “I have a black friend” argument to prove they aren’t racist just for the record.

 

[Brisketexan 105445]

this is the most Helobious post ever made on this website.

This is true. I know it is, because I read it in the comments to a Tik Tok.

[Neonmoon 38130]

[Eskimohorn 5644]

as has been repeated, the entire genesis of this discussion stems from a basketball board poster saying that very thing. 

I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual.

[956 Worldwide 34795]

8 hours ago, shadow_operative said:

no, i'm honestly responding to whatever that last post of yours was. a)it in no way addressed the post you quoted and were ostensibly replying to, and b) i have zero clue as to what you are talking about with the rest of your post, specifically this idea that i've been ducking addressing some statement made by the special olympics. i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. 

I posted some information from the Special Olympics about why it’s not cool to use the word, even in the way Norm Macdonald (whom you’re allowed to laugh at, he’s one of my favorites) does. 
 

https://www.specialolympics.org/stories/impact/why-the-r-word-is-the-r-slur
 

And here’s some statements from athletes about how they react to the use of it:

https://www.spreadtheword.global/resource-archive/r-word-effects

Let’s be honest, you didn’t want to engage with this because disagreeing with the Special Olympics over how to talk about intellectual impairments and people who have them would make you look like a real jerk, for good reason. You’re intelligent and you understand that’s not a winning tact. 
 

You got called out on the hoops board for it, and instead of just ignoring it or silently deciding not to use it again, or simply apologizing, you created this thread about Norm Macdonald and Billy Madison and OFFENSE and and it’s just a real mess. And you’re doubling down because you’re surprised and frustrated that the majority of people don’t agree with you that there’s a good reason or funny way to say “retard” even if you’re Norm Macdonald and are very funny. 
 

Bottom line: say it all you want, post all the clips you want,  no one says you can’t. Just don’t whine when people think you’re being a tool or a troglodyte or call you out on it, because most people really don’t think it’s cool anymore. 

 

[closetohumping 17479]

“Can you not use that word?  I find it offensive.”

 

”no. I’m gonna continue to use the word and I’ll start a thread calling you and the spice girls out in order to prove my point. This world has gone soft.”

 

 

honestly it’s just called being respectful.  In real life, if someone asked you not to use that word, would you continue to use it?  

[shadow_operative 15932]

4 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Let’s be honest, you didn’t want to engage with this because disagreeing with the Special Olympics over how to talk about intellectual impairments and people who have them would make you look like a real jerk, for good reason. You’re intelligent and you understand that’s not a winning tact. 
 

You got called out on the hoops board for it, and instead of just ignoring it or silently deciding not to use it again, or simply apologizing, you created this thread about Norm Macdonald and Billy Madison and OFFENSE and and it’s just a real mess

deleted my honest, thought out reply. see below.

Edited July 20, 2023 by shadow_operative

[shadow_operative 15932]

4 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Let’s be honest, you didn’t want to engage with this

i should have just stopped right here and never even responded. you have zero interest in anything i have to say. i mean it's beyond clear that i had never seen your postings, that i had zero clue what royiv was talking about, and that i was not avoiding responding to anything. and yet you continue argue in this bad faith/witch hunt manner: "you saw that i posted this,  it you KNEW you couldn't respond, so you avoided it!!!"

im not going to participate in my own witch hunt. you guys have taken one simple stance: "i disagree that there's no place on shaggy for norm macdonald and billy madison", and you've warped it into something completely different and personal to you, and the e tire lot of you are incapable of listening or honestly responding to anything that doesn't take such a hard line stance on the word, again, be wise it's personal to you. this is the definition of an exercise in futility.

Edited July 20, 2023 by shadow_operative

[956 Worldwide 34795]

This is the quote that got you all pissy:

Quote

 

There’s no good reason, ever, that either of you should be using the r word. It’s beyond offensive to see here or anywhere else. One of you has been open about mental health issues and to see you using that word is embarrassing. Find better words to use or just say you think the author is really reaching to compare it to the NBA contest. 

No mention of a ban or anything beyond “that’s an offensive thing to say here and elsewhere, be better.” 
 

You have the choice to do that or not. You don’t get to choose how people react to you. This is a long temper tantrum cause you got called out being kind of shitty (we all do it, I’ve gotten called out) and you can embrace that people think it’s shitty to talk that way or you can move along. Up to you, you just don’t get to adjudicate how other people react to it. 

[shadow_operative 15932]

14 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

No mention of a ban

the call to ban the word was posted on the basketball board. its in my OP, and has been repeated 500 times. you continue to make my point for me.

[closetohumping 17479]

1 hour ago, closetohumping said:

“Can you not use that word?  I find it offensive.”

 

”no. I’m gonna continue to use the word and I’ll start a thread calling you and the spice girls out in order to prove my point. This world has gone soft.”

 

 

honestly it’s just called being respectful.  In real life, if someone asked you not to use that word, would you continue to use it?  

@shadow_operative here you go another post for you to neg.   But hey at least you’re not offended!!!

 

 

Edited July 20, 2023 by closetohumping

[closetohumping 17479]

26 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

i should have just stopped right here and never even responded. you have zero interest in anything i have to say. i mean it's beyond clear that i had never seen your postings, that i had zero clue what royiv was talking about, and that i was not avoiding responding to anything. and yet you continue argue in this bad faith/witch hunt manner: "you saw that i posted this,  it you KNEW you couldn't respond, so you avoided it!!!"

im not going to participate in my own witch hunt. you guys have taken one simple stance: "i disagree that there's no place on shaggy for norm macdonald and billy madison", and you've warped it into something completely different and personal to you, and the e tire lot of you are incapable of listening or honestly responding to anything that doesn't take such a hard line stance on the word, again, be wise it's personal to you. this is the definition of an exercise in futility.

Personal is neg bombing anyone who disagrees with you.  😂

Edited July 20, 2023 by closetohumping

[956 Worldwide 34795]

12 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

the call to ban the word was posted on the basketball board. its in my OP, and has been repeated 500 times. you continue to make my point for me.

Whatever man, I’m out of this one now. It’s a weird fucking thing to contend the “heart and soul” of anything in the world hinges using that word, but you do your thing. 

[shadow_operative 15932]

Just now, 956 Worldwide said:

Whatever man, I’m out of this one now. It’s a weird fucking thing to contend the “heart and soul” of anything in the world hinges using that word, but you do your thing. 

the heart and soul of this country hinges on free speech. what a weird fucking thing, yeah?

[closetohumping 17479]

16 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

the call to ban the word was posted on the basketball board. its in my OP, and has been repeated 500 times. you continue to make my point for me.

I looked at pages 13-15.  Two people disagreed with your use of the word and asked you to find another way to articulate. Nobody asked for a ban.   It’s early as fuck so maybe I missed it.  

[shadow_operative 15932]

11 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Personal is neg bombing anyone who disagrees with you.  😂

this entire thread has "disagreed with me" (or really disagreed with their own warped version of whatever they've convinced themselves that i've said), and i have not been negging any of them. i neg you one time, and suddenly i'm "neg bombing anyone who disagrees with me."

thank you for once again proving my point: you're not interested in anything i've actually said or done, you're interested in your own warped version of events.

[closetohumping 17479]

21 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

the heart and soul of this country hinges on free speech. what a weird fucking thing, yeah?

That’s not how free speech works.   I’m free to say “hey there’s two sides to this nazi/Jew skirmish”.  My boss is free to fire me for being an ignorant jackass. 
 

free speech allows you to spew hateful crap at minorities.  Doesn’t keep them from beating your ass when you do
 

And the mods can moderate the language used on this board

Edited July 20, 2023 by closetohumping

[mdmost 43056]

3 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

the heart and soul of this country hinges on free speech. what a weird fucking thing, yeah?

You don't have free speech on a website. blacklab and immamac aren't the government.

[shadow_operative 15932]

Just now, mdmost said:

You don't have free speech on a website. blacklab and immamac aren't the government.

fantastic. what's that got to do with the price of apples in china?

[Brew 3049]

59 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

i should have just stopped right here and never even responded. you have zero interest in anything i have to say. i mean it's beyond clear that i had never seen your postings, that i had zero clue what royiv was talking about, and that i was not avoiding responding to anything. and yet you continue argue in this bad faith/witch hunt manner: "you saw that i posted this,  it you KNEW you couldn't respond, so you avoided it!!!"

im not going to participate in my own witch hunt. you guys have taken one simple stance: "i disagree that there's no place on shaggy for norm macdonald and billy madison", and you've warped it into something completely different and personal to you, and the e tire lot of you are incapable of listening or honestly responding to anything that doesn't take such a hard line stance on the word, again, be wise it's personal to you. this is the definition of an exercise in futility.

I would like to point out that neither of those people or that stance for that matter are mentioned in your original post.

Past that, there has been plenty of discussion on the topic. At some point you might want to accept that if you’re the only one on one side of the discussion, it’s probably a good time to really think about your stance.

[Js1 85603]

45 minutes ago, mdmost said:

You don't have free speech on a website. blacklab and immamac aren't the government.

I love when people incorrectly try to use the first amendment as a shield for being an asshole. 

[YGIFS 19452]

what a strange hill to die on.  About once or twice a day, I'll kick myself (figuratively) because I can't immediately recall the precise word I want for an email or in a business meeting.  And I don't mean some corporate cliche like "Synergy" or "Endeavor", I mean drawing from decades in the literary world.  And I even get pissy about it because I have to speak publicly with great frequency.  And having said that, I cannot think of a time where I left a podium or developing a pitch deck session and thought, "Man, if I only I could have used the word 'retarded', this would have gone so much smoother."  

So from now on, whether at work or at home...whenever I cannot calibrate my vocabulary to my satisfaction, I will simply tell myself, "Don't pull a Derka man, don't do it."  Not because I want to use a horrible word that will make the audience lose all respect for me, but because it'll make me chuckle inside and realize whatever I choose, it's better than what a huge portion of our country would choose.  And that little laugh and boost of self-confidence will carry me through the talk or the letter.  All thanks to Derka Hill, the strangest mound to die on. 

[Brian Fantana 6691]

7 hours ago, shadow_operative said:

the heart and soul of this country hinges on free speech

Bless your heart, you couldn't be more wrong!

[Guest]

18 hours ago, Neonmoon said:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CsUM2k0oQ4q/?igshid=MTIzZWMxMTBkOA==

Edited July 20, 2023 by Porterhouse

[Lurch 5931]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CsUM2k0oQ4q/?igshid=MTIzZWMxMTBkOA==

The perfect reference does not exis…

[Guest]

It’s funny because I can totally see him posting “That is NOT now space works. Read a book.” Or “Women are getting too tall” like he had to start a thread telling us he didn’t like Luck. But he’s not trolling like futureman.  He unintentionally sucks your energy  

He’s an energy vampire for a multitude of reasons. He’s a sick individual. Why let him?  I don’t know why anyone seriously engages him. Lol @Dahobbsfor multiple chapters in response. Is this some sort of community service you’re performing?

[Dahobbs 17699]

2 minutes ago, Porterhouse said:

It’s funny because I can totally see him posting “That is NOT now space works. Read a book.” Or “Women are getting too tall” like he had to start a thread telling us he didn’t like Luck. But he’s not trolling like futureman.  He unintentionally sucks your energy  

He’s an energy vampire for a multitude of reasons. He’s a sick individual. Why let him?  I don’t know why anyone seriously engages him. Lol @Dahobbsfor multiple chapters in response. Is this some sort of community service you’re performing?

Weird call out. I have 8 total posts (including this one) in this 10-page thread. The length of those posts is mostly dictated by quotes rather than original content.  If you don't like discussion, I'd suggest not spending your time on message board. 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Dahobbs said:

Weird call out. I have 8 total posts (including this one) in this 10-page thread. The length of those posts is mostly dictated by quotes rather than original content.  If you don't like discussion, I'd suggest not spending your time on message board. 

I mean I guess you can consider it a call out instead of laughing it off. You’ve spent a lot of time in responses with lengthy posts. I understand people like to argue for sport, but you’re wasting your time. 

[elguapo 4586]

On 7/20/2023 at 7:24 AM, shadow_operative said:

the heart and soul of this country hinges on free speech. what a weird fucking thing, yeah?

[Lord Melbourne 24]

On 7/18/2023 at 7:45 AM, slorch said:

Rick Barnes

He sucked

[Deej 76953]

So Derka's cool with fat-shaming him at every chance? Free speech and all. 

Insane anyone would go to these lengths to want to continue to insult the mentally challenged. 

Edited July 21, 2023 by Deej

[UpperWestside 6190]

On 7/19/2023 at 3:43 PM, royiv said:

Derka, I guess I'm not seeing the part where it says Norm Macdonald and Billy Madison are off limits. I read it as you shouldn't sling the word around in casual conversation.

@UpperWestside care to clarify what you meant?

I apologize for such a late reply to this, but sometimes life gets in the way, but in a good way. I felt like I was clear on what I said, but yes throwing it around in casual conversation should be verboten. Some of the young guys I work with say it and I just politely tell them “Aww come on man you can use a better word than that one. Please don’t say it.” I have never had one person reply to me with indignation or be flippant and keep saying it.

I have some more I can say, but I am almost to the beach and want to get out in the ocean to begin this beautiful day.

Edited July 22, 2023 by UpperWestside

[Guest]

I don't feel the word should be banned on here, but then again, I don't feel any word should be.

Indicators are helpful.  It's like a tell in poker.  Just keep eating those oreos, motherfucker. I appreciate knowing who I am dealing with.  It's like when someone at work or a new  acquaintance asks you, "hey Biden's fucked up" or "Trump sucks ass, don't you feel the same way?"

Nah, IDGAF about discussing that shit with friends, so you can kindly change the subject or STFU."

 

Derka has used the word water-head on here for years.  My youngest son actually had  hydrocephalus as an infant.  I guess I'd be justified in raising hell, maybe not.  Either way, I still had an insight to the guy's inner character.  That's not being judgy.  That's not saying he cannot learn to be better. It never changed my son's condition or outlook on things- and maybe that'd be a lot different if my boy walked up and something was said towards him. To me, saying it on a message board is a world of difference from that.  It's just a simple display of ignorance or whatever.  It was certainly no indictment of my son.

There's a significant portion of this board that gets their feelings hurt on a variety of topics.  I guess that's their prerogative. I feel like many of them have now idea/ exaggerate what their problems in life really are.  If we get every discussion within the lines, it's probably going to be as generic and boring in here as humanly possible.

There's a lot of feelings to protect out there, Derka's one of the few who's big enough to talk about it.  For that I definitely give him credit.

Edited July 22, 2023 by slorch

[Brew 3049]

3 hours ago, slorch said:

To me, saying it on a message board is a world of difference from that.  It's just a simple display of ignorance or whatever. 

I don’t know that I agree with the first, but it’s also just how an individual operates I suppose. I’m no different here than I am anywhere else, so if I wouldn’t say it outside of here I’m not saying it on here. I get the aspect that there are aspects of people’s personalities that are blown up on the internet and some are caricatures of themselves, but if you are comfortable here using certain terminology then it says a lot about you away from here. I get that was the genesis of what you were saying (I think), I just don’t view there being some large difference between online and offline and the words you use. Too many people hide behind online anonymity that shows a lot more about their real feelings than they care to admit.

On the second, a display of ignorance is something you learn from. 10 pages has shown that’s not what this is. 

[UpperWestside 6190]

That screenshot is what was originally said. I was polite I believe in what I stated there to both of them. That request not to use that word was turned into a three ring circus of ridiculousness and not only that, but instead of just saying “Maybe I will think about refraining from using that word in the future” it turned into a victimization in the mind of one of the two and was , you guessed it, referred to as a witch hunt that the poster would not participate in. Christ on a cracker the mental gymnastics required to pull all of that off is astounding.

 

Someone here posited that we should not be calling Greg Abbott by the derogatory term Hot Wheels. I have said it about him, but they’re right in that it is something that should not be used. I can have contempt for his actions without using that term so thank you to the person who brought that up. I have not used it often and have thought about the use of it before, but it is something that can be eliminated from what I refer to him as. Being able to do that means your ego is not in control and you can take admonishment from others without claiming to somehow be a victim in all of this. 

Edited July 22, 2023 by UpperWestside

[atomheartbevo 89831]

On 7/22/2023 at 12:33 PM, UpperWestside said:

Someone here posited that we should not be calling Greg Abbott by the derogatory term Hot Wheels. I have said it about him, but they’re right in that it is something that should not be used. I can have contempt for his actions without using that term so thank you to the person who brought that up. I have not used it often and have thought about the use of it before, but it is something that can be eliminated from what I refer to him as. Being able to do that means your ego is not in control and you can take admonishment from others without claiming to somehow be a victim in all of this. 

I have no problem making fun of his impotence, because he's acting like a small-minded impotent man who is angry at the rest of the world that he is not where he wanted to be in life, and so he's going to make a lot of other people pay, either because he's not where he wanted to be, or in order to make one last attempt at getting to where he thinks he deserves to be. He's forgotten that he's Governor of all 29.5 million Texans, not just the 4.4 million who voted for him.

[shadow_operative 15932]

On 7/22/2023 at 12:33 PM, UpperWestside said:

That screenshot is what was originally said. I was polite I believe in what I stated there to both of them. That request not to use that word was turned into a three ring circus of ridiculousness and not only that, but instead of just saying “Maybe I will think about refraining from using that word in the future” it turned into a victimization in the mind of one of the two and was , you guessed it, referred to as a witch hunt that the poster would not participate in. Christ on a cracker the mental gymnastics required to pull all of that off is astounding.

 

Someone here posited that we should not be calling Greg Abbott by the derogatory term Hot Wheels. I have said it about him, but they’re right in that it is something that should not be used. I can have contempt for his actions without using that term so thank you to the person who brought that up. I have not used it often and have thought about the use of it before, but it is something that can be eliminated from what I refer to him as. Being able to do that means your ego is not in control and you can take admonishment from others without claiming to somehow be a victim in all of this. 

that screenshot is not what was originally said. the person who i replied to actually used "retarded" as a compliment. here is the real screenshot:

when you replied that the word has no place ever being used on this site (ie no exceptions), i disagreed, citing the fact that we all love norm, the office, billy madison, etc, and that if there are no exceptions, then those things go out the window, and that surly/shaggy were specifically designed to not have that type of over moderation.

nobody was using the word in a hateful manner, and my entire point always was and still is that banning that word here in all contexts would not be in the spirit of this site. 

this thread was never supposed to be about that word, and i was frankly very surprised when that's what it became about. i truly had no idea that so many on this site are so passionate about that word, and i never even would have mentioned the basketball board exchange in my OP had i known. i don't want to upset or offend anyone.

and yes, i still contend that a huge portion of the reaction to this has been overblown, in part because it was me who started the thread, and in part due to the aforementioned passion about the word. 

the 100% honest truth is that i have always been operating under the assumption that the consensus on this site would be that saying the word "retarded", while maybe in bad taste to some, wasn't really a ban worthy or kerfuffle worthy offense when being used in the context it was used in on the basketball board, ie as a synonym for stupid (including the positive form of the word "stupid"), and not in a hateful way towards a mentally handicapped person. i'm still very surprised that this is not the case, but apparently that's the way it is. 

if you already don't like me, and you believe that i'm out to piss you off, and to be offensive, and to be hurtful to other people, then that's what you'll see when you see my posts. however anyone who truly knows me, and i'd think that 99% of the people who actually post with me on a daily basis, will know that that was never and is never my intention. 

this thread has been very strange for me, and frankly im still confused and miffed by a lot of it. i always thought it was as simple as, "this is shaggy/surly; we police ourselves; we're all adults with adult senses of judgment; you might not like the r word, but you're also not going to demand that it be banned from this site in any and all contexts. if someone uses it hatefully then the board will police that, and otherwise, no big deal." that's what i believed. obviously i was wrong. i'm sorry to have caused such an emotional reaction. that was never my intention at all. i apologize to anyone who was hurt because of this thread.

[shadow_operative 15932]

On 7/22/2023 at 12:33 PM, UpperWestside said:

referred to as a witch hunt that the poster would not participate in. Christ on a cracker the mental gymnastics required to pull all of that off is astounding.

my reply here is not just to you, but is for everyone here who has acted as some sort of champion for the ill and disabled. 

UWS- you came in hot, just chiding and admonishing me for using language that you find to be reprehensible, like i'm this huge piece of shit for making what honestly is a pretty innocuous remark that didn't merit such a response. we're talking about the wnba three point contest here. you, and so many others, have become so upset about this issue because it's an issue that is close to you and important to you. i've basically been tarred and feathered by the townsfolk because of my stance in this thread.

now then- you actually referenced my openly talking about my mental illness during your scathing admonishment of me, intimating that i of all people should know better, because i am the type of person you are standing up for. 

you want to talk about mental gymnastics? go ahead, anyone in this thread who's been coming after me like i'm just some huge, hateful asshole: name a time that someone here said something purposely hurtful and cruel to me about my real life mental illness where you came in and stood up for me, and passionately admonished such blatantly hateful and hurtful speech towards a disabled person. name a time where you took the same stance that you're taking on the word retarded. it has literally. never. happened. not a single one of you who is just crushing me right now has ever said a word when you saw any of the literally hundreds of times that people have been straight up vile towards me in regards to my mental health. 

you will lose your mind and rally the troops when someone says "going 25-27 in the three point contest is retarded", but time after time after time after time , to a man, each one of you has chosen to say nothing whenever someone has personally attacked me and my real life mental illness. and this is well over a decade of deeply personal and very real attacks that we're talking about. you've seen them, and you've said nothing.

you do not get to do that, then pat yourselves on the back for it, and have me just let that go. you (all of you) do not get to say, "derka, you're an ill person yourself, im standing up for people like you, how dare you say something so hurtful" when you've never once actually stood up for me when it was happening right in front of you, repeatedly, for years.

i said the word retarded in reference to a three point shooting contest and then said that we shouldn't ban comedy from shaggy. you've all sat back and watched as countless people have made actual, intentional, disgusting remarks about my mental health, and all of this virtue and morality that you're just so fucking passionate about has never once made an appearance. never. for you to act as if you're being some champion of all disabled/handicapped people when you couldn't give a shit less about how anyone here has treated me is truly pathetic. 

and yet and still, you want to talk to me about mental gymnastics. wow. that's...really something. y'all just be careful you don't pull any muscles patting yourselves on the back so hard for all of your super sincere moral values that totally don't just selectively apply to what does and doesn't affect you. you guys are true champions of the weak, feeble, and downtrodden. take a bow. 👏🏼 

[PRONG HORN 3159]

 

Just remember that it's more about them than you.  They need it.  It's part of their journey.  Life is sometimes just a lot of building and destroying the house of cards that is an individual's perception of self.  People love a witch hunt.  Sometimes you're the hunter, sometimes you're the witch.  

 

Regarding the thread subject:  I outgrew using that word years ago.  It had a great run but it's a time of change.  

 

 

[ztejas 43547]

You guys are all being a bunch of faggot cunt spick queer retards.

Mainly Derka, though. 

Edited July 24, 2023 by ztejas

[Brew 3049]

I’m guessing this morning is going to be a tough one. 2 AM benders that end with a hangover on Monday are a bitch.

[Celery Man 21004]

👌😎🤘

[Serak The Preparer 3434]

@shadow_operative - you keep talking about bans but I haven't noticed anyone in this thread except yourself claiming that that a ban is imminent or even being discussed. You know that UWS and others are not mods. You know that immamac has seen this thread as he replied in it and moved it. It is still not banned. You have repeatedly said that a ban on the word threatens the soul of Surly. Why do you keep referencing something that is not in the conversation?

Also, regarding the "tar and feathering" for using the word, I strongly suspect that not a single poster has had their opinion of you change, for better or worse, as a result of your usage of the word or the existence of this thread.

[Sawbonz 27600]

10 pages…

[hayden_horn 11365]

look yall, i don't really think this is hard. there are certain hard slurs that are going to get you the old suspension. everyone knows these. one of them: faggot, did not used to be bannable. as a matter of fact, i used it up until about 15 years ago (? somewhere around there? i dunno, i'm getting old) myself to express extreme displeasure at a person while driving. i rationalized it, of course, by saying things like "i don't mean that person is gay" or "i don't mean that being gay makes one a fucking terrible dumbass on the road" but the truth of it was i was using a hateful word in a hateful way. i had too many gay friends in my life to be doing such an immature thing. so i made a conscious decision to stop saying it. recently, i've made more conscious decisions to be more careful about gender language, like using the words bitch and the like. not everyone needs to do that, and i'm not trying to fish for compliments because fuck you, but it's a thing i'm working on. 

i think "retarded" is such a word. i used it for years and years, up until recently, even. probably less than a decade ago i stopped. why? because i knew too many other parents with developmentally different kids. 

it was the exposure and the personal connections that changed how i thought about that stuff. my dad was a racist with the known "good guys" caveat. he didn't mean nigger to mean all black people. just all the black people except the known good ones. and fuck the rest if they couldn't take a joke. that was his mindset.

that is not a healthy mindset. it's okay to change. 

you don't have to resist all change. change can be good. you'll feel better if you stop using the word retard. i can't explain it, but it's true. i feel better trying not to say things like "stop being a little bitch." i don't always succeed, but i'm trying to be better.

and i think that's worth effort, being a little bit better each day, if we can. if someone tells you that you've offended them, you can immediately do one of two things: 1) tell them to go fuck themselves you'll say what you want, which is okay, or 2) think about it for a minute, take the person at face value that they are offended, and say "ok, sorry about that, i didn't know that was offensive, i won't use that word for that again." the first costs a ton of emotional energy, the second costs a little tiny bit of effort and no other real energy other than trying to be more mindful of people around you. THE HORROR.

[Reynolds Woodcock 4804]

3 hours ago, hayden_horn said:

look yall, i don't really think this is hard. there are certain hard slurs that are going to get you the old suspension. everyone knows these. one of them: faggot, did not used to be bannable. as a matter of fact, i used it up until about 15 years ago (? somewhere around there? i dunno, i'm getting old) myself to express extreme displeasure at a person while driving. i rationalized it, of course, by saying things like "i don't mean that person is gay" or "i don't mean that being gay makes one a fucking terrible dumbass on the road" but the truth of it was i was using a hateful word in a hateful way. i had too many gay friends in my life to be doing such an immature thing. so i made a conscious decision to stop saying it. recently, i've made more conscious decisions to be more careful about gender language, like using the words bitch and the like. not everyone needs to do that, and i'm not trying to fish for compliments because fuck you, but it's a thing i'm working on. 

i think "retarded" is such a word. i used it for years and years, up until recently, even. probably less than a decade ago i stopped. why? because i knew too many other parents with developmentally different kids. 

it was the exposure and the personal connections that changed how i thought about that stuff. my dad was a racist with the known "good guys" caveat. he didn't mean nigger to mean all black people. just all the black people except the known good ones. and fuck the rest if they couldn't take a joke. that was his mindset.

that is not a healthy mindset. it's okay to change. 

you don't have to resist all change. change can be good. you'll feel better if you stop using the word retard. i can't explain it, but it's true. i feel better trying not to say things like "stop being a little bitch." i don't always succeed, but i'm trying to be better.

and i think that's worth effort, being a little bit better each day, if we can. if someone tells you that you've offended them, you can immediately do one of two things: 1) tell them to go fuck themselves you'll say what you want, which is okay, or 2) think about it for a minute, take the person at face value that they are offended, and say "ok, sorry about that, i didn't know that was offensive, i won't use that word for that again." the first costs a ton of emotional energy, the second costs a little tiny bit of effort and no other real energy other than trying to be more mindful of people around you. THE HORROR.

that's all well and good, but I think you are discounting the fact that saying retard and posting Michael Scott and Norm YouTube videos for the millionth time without someone daring to complain about it is "the absolute soul of this website and its predecessor".