America's Loneliness Epidemic

[BearSchlong 8,114]

My little league team (Cardinals) was always 2nd to the Angels. I fucking hated that team. They had a pitcher I couldn't hit, and his dad was their coach. The kid was friendly, but his dad was a raging asshole baseball dad. We beat them once, and I remember hitting a line drive RBI off 1st base that dribbled into short right field but off a different pitcher.

About 14 years later, I was in a business lunch at a restaurant when I noticed an MLB game on the bar TV. IIRC I was talking to a coworker or client when I saw that pitcher’s name come up on the screen as he walked to the batter’s box (he had a few years as a MLB 2nd baseman) and I screamed “Thats the motherfucker who struck me out!!!!!” and laughed maniacally. It was as if my whole Little League career had been suddenly vindicated. 12 year old me just thought he sucked at baseball.

CSB one of my oldest friends is married to Mark Petkovsek and he taught my son how to throw.

[BearSchlong 8,114]

Brisket nailed it.

I'm spending the next 4 days with 250 recovering alcoholics at a lakeside church camp. 62nd annual event, my 11th time. My service commitment is to coordinate the servers for the cafeteria, which traditionally has been 1st year attendees. Gets them out of self and into meeting new people.

Some of the most interesting people I'll ever know. Heck of a cool golf tournament tomorrow.

“The good news is that you never have to feel that way again. The bad news is we're your new best friends.”

I can't wait to find the greenest newcomer and hear all about how he ended up with us.

Alcoholism is by far the best thing that ever happened to me.

[KCMasterpieceof 24]

Quote

And hell, the strong social trend to champion "work from home" one of the big reasons I don't like it is because it makes us even further isolated, and is bad for us as a society and species.

@Brisketexan this is a whole 'nother conversation and ball of wax; complex, multidimensional issue for society. Not saying you are wrong, but there is equality and privilege and other considerations to weigh.

[Aqua Buddha 14,621]

1.  Gen Xer here.  Not sure why people think we were the first to get trophies for everything but out parents barely even came to our games because they are busy working.

2.  Still a lot of reasons in this thread for loneliness.  They're all true but the solution is still the same.  You have to put yourself out there.  Your kids done with sports?  Fine.  Do something else.  Can't find a non crazy church?  Fine.  Find something else or keep looking for churches.  You have to change something about your life and get out of your comfort zone, otherwise nothing will change.  

I understand that this can be difficult for introverts but you still have to do it and for me, it can be especially difficult.  Women ask each other out for lunch and drinks all the time.  As men, we just don't do that but we should.  

Join something.  Do something.  Find your tribe regardless of how weird it is and do things with those people.

[CHIEF 5,095]

I was thinking about this thread last night. We have a Wednesday night Bible study, afterwards I go to the 19th Hole for drinks, each week, ironically. You can tell who the lonely people are. After reading about 4-5 scriptures, the widows and the single people have to stop the reading to go down a rabbit hole about how the scripture relates to a certain thing or situation that happened in their life. You know what? The 19th Hole was the same way. They are so eager to tell their story. Their loneliness has obliterated their social and conversation skills. No one knows how to be good listeners. Whats worse is that no one really has empathy, they are too caught up in their own situations. So I spent last night concentrating on being a good listener. I sat there in silence as six people tried talking over each other and realized it was just nerve wracking. A buddy, Marcus and some guys at the next table were playing 42, you know who was having a good conversation? Those guys. My solution is that everyone should have a box of dominoes on them at all times, so they have to stop talking long enough to think.

I've also learned that it is best to greet someone with "its nice to see you," never "how are you?"

CHIEF

[KCMasterpieceof 24]

35 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

I was thinking about this thread last night. We have a Wednesday night Bible study, afterwards I go to the 19th Hole for drinks, each week, ironically. You can tell who the lonely people are. After reading about 4-5 scriptures, the widows and the single people have to stop the reading to go down a rabbit hole about how the scripture relates to a certain thing or situation that happened in their life. You know what? The 19th Hole was the same way. They are so eager to tell their story. Their loneliness has obliterated their social and conversation skills. No one knows how to be good listeners. Whats worse is that no one really has empathy, they are too caught up in their own situations. So I spent last night concentrating on being a good listener. I sat there in silence as six people tried talking over each other and realized it was just nerve wracking. A buddy, Marcus and some guys at the next table were playing 42, you know who was having a good conversation? Those guys. My solution is that everyone should have a box of dominoes on them at all times, so they have to stop talking long enough to think.

I've also learned that it is best to greet someone with "its nice to see you," never "how are you?"

CHIEF

I don't know why but your post reminds me of the Banshees of Inshirin. Sometimes being alone is better than being with others, if they are just blathering fools and victim mentality igornants:

 

[Brisketexan 105,383]

1 hour ago, KCMasterpieceof said:

@Brisketexan this is a whole 'nother conversation and ball of wax; complex, multidimensional issue for society. Not saying you are wrong, but there is equality and privilege and other considerations to weigh.

Oh, I know it's not a one-dimensional thing.  But man, the discussion that I hear in support of it is mostly along the lines of "let me do my shit and leave me alone."  And it is most strongly championed by....the loneliest generation (Gen Z).  I suspect that we like the short-term ease of WFH, and we haven't fully considered the long-term harm of the isolation it breeds.  Sure, you CAN say "fuck it, I don't need to be around any people at work, if I want to be social, I'll go out with my friends," but the follow-through on that is lacking.  

My hypothesis is that WFH feels easy and good in the short term (like grabbing fast food at the drive thru), but in the long-term, it will kill us because it isn't feeding us something really, really important that we need.

Again, I don't discount all of the other factors (commute time, added layer of difficulty in getting other things done at home (laundry, walking the dog), etc.).  Just realize that in prior generations, a shitload of a person's social interaction was with people at work, both strong ties and weak ties.  Take those away, without replacing them.....and yeah, we are lonelier than we otherwise would have been.  We're all too happy to point the finger at smartphones and social media for making us more isolated, I just think it's intellectually dishonest to not look at the thing that LITERALLY makes many of us more isolated, and not consider the effects of that phenomenon on our loneliness.

[Patricio Swayze 17,058]

Personally, I have found that the hybrid model is most ideal.

[Brisketexan 105,383]

1 minute ago, Patricio Swayze said:

Personally, I have found that the hybrid model is most ideal.

But enough about your Prius.

[mchookem 16,397]

i'm about 20 years younger than the average retiree, everywhere we go now im always the youngest. that can be isolating even in social situations, the lone GenXer surrounded (and married) to boomers. i mean i do actually appreciate the invite, Helen, but no, i do not want to meet you and the ladies at the rec center 9am Fridays for majong and canasta 😐

anyways, i left a lifetime of social connections in Austin. i do miss it, a very active social life. but one, i learned i truly am just a social drinker so it's been exponentially healthier for my liver, and two, honestly i had some co-dependent bonds that needed to be broken. and after we left most everybody else either has as well or is planning to in the near future, part of the Texodus.

it is more difficult making new friends when you're older, it requires significant effort. i do get a charge from very active social situations... going to the local Texas Exes watch party last week was awesome... things like that, concerts, etc...i really enjoy. i'm a perfectly balanced 50/50 introvert/extrovert so i really can swing both ways. 

Coloradans as a whole, while incredibly friendly and nice (haha grandson and his girlfriend visiting this summer finally said 'everybody is almost too friendly around here, starting to get creepy!' of course, they're from Philly, soo...😄) do seem to be more reserved than Texans, like more subdued personalities. i've found myself dialing down my inherent smartassedness at times. 

i think i miss entertaining more than anything...we had lots of parties and gatherings in Austin, year round, i love hosting and taking care of guests. i miss that more than anything. this summer has been fun bc we've basically had a nonstop parade of visitors since early June, but i know that will slow down significantly after this year, once the novelty wears off.

this is an interesting discussion. 

[CHIEF 5,095]

My Pros and Cons as a WFH real estate agent since 2019, living about 20 minutes from town:

Pros:

Hit the fridge anytime you want.

Minimum clothing expense.

Have a beer with lunch.

Thermostat set where I want it.

Have only put 8,000 miles on my truck.

Can fuck around on Surly all day.

Mrs. CHIEF works from home a couple of days per week, afternoon breaks are nice.

My own toilet with bidet.

Cons:

I needed to go to HEB on Thursday, last Thursday.

Always watching out the window for my daily Amazon delivery.

Hiding in the house from the yardman so he thinks I'm too busy to mow my own yard, rather than just too lazy.

Creates separation anxiety in my dog, cause I'm always supposed to be here.

Low patience with people when I do go to town (get your fucking buggy out of the middle of the aisle, get off your phone and go, the light has been green for six seconds, etc.)

CHIEF

 

Edited September 21, 2023 by CHIEF

[SydneyCarton 48,197]

6 minutes ago, mchookem said:

i'm about 20 years younger than the average retiree, everywhere we go now im always the youngest. that can be isolating even in social situations, the lone GenXer surrounded (and married) to boomers. i mean i do actually appreciate the invite, Helen, but no, i do not want to meet you and the ladies at the rec center 9am Fridays for majong and canasta 😐

anyways, i left a lifetime of social connections in Austin. i do miss it, a very active social life. but one, i learned i truly am just a social drinker so it's been exponentially healthier for my liver, and two, honestly i had some co-dependent bonds that needed to be broken. and after we left most everybody else either has as well or is planning to in the near future, part of the Texodus.

it is more difficult making new friends when you're older, it requires significant effort. i do get a charge from very active social situations... going to the local Texas Exes watch party last week was awesome... things like that, concerts, etc...i really enjoy. i'm a perfectly balanced 50/50 introvert/extrovert so i really can swing both ways. 

Coloradans as a whole, while incredibly friendly and nice (haha grandson and his girlfriend visiting this summer finally said 'everybody is almost too friendly around here, starting to get creepy!' of course, they're from Philly, soo...😄) do seem to be more reserved than Texans, like more subdued personalities. i've found myself dialing down my inherent smartassedness at times. 

i think i miss entertaining more than anything...we had lots of parties and gatherings in Austin, year round, i love hosting and taking care of guests. i miss that more than anything. this summer has been fun bc we've basically had a nonstop parade of visitors since early June, but i know that will slow down significantly after this year, once the novelty wears off.

this is an interesting discussion. 

It seems like entertaining again would be one of the easier things to do? I assume you've got neightbors, right? Backyard BBQ an option? Tailgating at another sports event that isn't UT? I realize you've outlined the X vs. Boomer dynamic of your marriage, and that it's not the same, but my parents moved into an over 55+ neighborhood a few years back. It's great for them, and my mom seems to host a dinner party once or twice a month where neighbors all bring some things, and they sit and socialize. Couldn't you work to do something like that every couple months, while not making it necessarily 55+?

[Brisketexan 105,383]

1 minute ago, SydneyCarton said:

It seems like entertaining again would be one of the easier things to do? I assume you've got neightbors, right? Backyard BBQ an option? Tailgating at another sports event that isn't UT? I realize you've outlined the X vs. Boomer dynamic of your marriage, and that it's not the same, but my parents moved into an over 55+ neighborhood a few years back. It's great for them, and my mom seems to host a dinner party once or twice a month where neighbors all bring some things, and they sit and socialize. Couldn't you work to do something like that every couple months, while not making it necessarily 55+?

From what I hear about old folks' communities, they should probably be engaging in lots of group sex.

I mean, that's pretty social.  Probably a good bit of chit-chat between rounds and such.

[SydneyCarton 48,197]

Just now, Brisketexan said:

From what I hear about old folks' communities, they should probably be engaging in lots of group sex.

I mean, that's pretty social.  Probably a good bit of chit-chat between rounds and such.

Considering my mom was almost a nun, twice, and is very conservative and my step-father is a reformed baptist, but also very conservative, I'm guessing they're last on that particular invite list. But more power to them if that's how they freak. 

[MissingInAction 25,198]

1 minute ago, Brisketexan said:

From what I hear about old folks' communities, they should probably be engaging in lots of group sex.

I mean, that's pretty social.  Probably a good bit of chit-chat between rounds and such.

Welcome to Lemon Party Estates!

[Frank Drebin 5,658]

12 minutes ago, mchookem said:

i'm about 20 years younger than the average retiree, everywhere we go now im always the youngest. that can be isolating even in social situations, the lone GenXer surrounded (and married) to boomers. i mean i do actually appreciate the invite, Helen, but no, i do not want to meet you and the ladies at the rec center 9am Fridays for majong and canasta 😐

anyways, i left a lifetime of social connections in Austin. i do miss it, a very active social life. but one, i learned i truly am just a social drinker so it's been exponentially healthier for my liver, and two, honestly i had some co-dependent bonds that needed to be broken. and after we left most everybody else either has as well or is planning to in the near future, part of the Texodus.

it is more difficult making new friends when you're older, it requires significant effort. i do get a charge from very active social situations... going to the local Texas Exes watch party last week was awesome... things like that, concerts, etc...i really enjoy. i'm a perfectly balanced 50/50 introvert/extrovert so i really can swing both ways. 

Coloradans as a whole, while incredibly friendly and nice (haha grandson and his girlfriend visiting this summer finally said 'everybody is almost too friendly around here, starting to get creepy!' of course, they're from Philly, soo...😄) do seem to be more reserved than Texans, like more subdued personalities. i've found myself dialing down my inherent smartassedness at times. 

i think i miss entertaining more than anything...we had lots of parties and gatherings in Austin, year round, i love hosting and taking care of guests. i miss that more than anything. this summer has been fun bc we've basically had a nonstop parade of visitors since early June, but i know that will slow down significantly after this year, once the novelty wears off.

this is an interesting discussion. 

I don't think I had ever heard of mahjong until a few years ago.  Now my wife and her friends get together at least once a week at someone's house or the club and play. I think it's great.  These are all early to mid 40s women.

For me socially, I get together with friends for golf and hunting pretty regular.  Our core friend group often takes our kids hunting, fishing, camping or skiing together for a weekend trip about once a month. In my opinion, nothing beats spending time outdoors with friends and family.  My son and I and some other dads spent Thursday to Sunday in South Texas dove hunting last weekend.  Phones were barely used other than taking photos. As I get older, I try and do more and more outdoors and specific trips.

During the week, I have almost no time to socialize outside of maybe one lunch per week with friends.  I have work, church, exercise, and kids stuff that basically keeps me jam packed from when I wake up at 530 until I go to bed at ten.  Now some of that includes interacting with friends and colleagues. But weekends are really when I can socialize meaningfully. And during summer I spend most of it in the mountains. Work remote early in morning for a few hours then do fun stuff the rest.  I have very close friends who are always in mountains same time as us coming and going.  And many of them, I spend more time with in Colorado, and more quality time, than I do in Houston and some live with a few hundred yards of me.

I do think society is going to have to figure out something about smart phones and social media.

[Helobious 9,466]

15 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I have like two trophies.  Because I was on exactly two teams that ever won anything.

We had cuts in all high school sports.

Newsflash: so does every high school team ever nowadays if they have the participation numbers. I’ve never heard of football teams doing non-disciplinary cuts though, just because you need as many bodies as possible. 

[mchookem 16,397]

6 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

It seems like entertaining again would be one of the easier things to do? I assume you've got neightbors, right? Backyard BBQ an option? Tailgating at another sports event that isn't UT? I realize you've outlined the X vs. Boomer dynamic of your marriage, and that it's not the same, but my parents moved into an over 55+ neighborhood a few years back. It's great for them, and my mom seems to host a dinner party once or twice a month where neighbors all bring some things, and they sit and socialize. Couldn't you work to do something like that every couple months, while not making it necessarily 55+?

haha i actually tried that last fall just a few months after we moved in! it's a pretty small complex, 12 units. i made a flyer for an 'Open House Happy Hour - we'd love to meet our new neighbors!'...of the 12 units we had folks from 2 of them stop by lol. our immediate next door neighbor is actually pretty cool and i've gone out for a drink/dinner with her once...she also happens to be the HOA president which is also cool b/c she is super chill and told us with regard to a couple of things we wanted to do in our little yard 'eh it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, go for it'. but she's still working, her disabled adult brother lives with them, and they go up to Estes Park almost every weekend b/c they have a place up there where they plan to eventually retire, so she doesn't have much time to socialize. actually...i just talked to her last week and i think we are going to try to get together again soon  

but i've toyed with trying another gathering again this holiday season...now that we've met a few more neighbors doing drivebys, HOA meetings and whatnot, they know we aren't some stereotypical brash Texans, we're certainly not into bragging about being from Texas lol  

we have one couple, friends of mine primarily that i've known since middle school, and we live about 1 mile from them...they are our primary social connects here. it's nice to have old friends that we know really well here...but that's still pretty limited compared to how big our social circle used to be. we'll figure it out eventually. 

[Brisketexan 105,383]

2 minutes ago, mchookem said:

haha i actually tried that last fall just a few months after we moved in! it's a pretty small complex, 12 units. i made a flyer for an 'Open House Happy Hour - we'd love to meet our new neighbors!'...of the 12 units we had folks from 2 of them stop by lol. our immediate next door neighbor is actually pretty cool and i've gone out for a drink/dinner with her once...she also happens to be the HOA president which is also cool b/c she is super chill and told us with regard to a couple of things we wanted to do in our little yard 'eh it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, go for it'. but she's still working, her disabled adult brother lives with them, and they go up to Estes Park almost every weekend b/c they have a place up there where they plan to eventually retire, so she doesn't have much time to socialize. actually...i just talked to her last week and i think we are going to try to get together again soon  

but i've toyed with trying another gathering again this holiday season...now that we've met a few more neighbors doing drivebys, HOA meetings and whatnot, they know we aren't some stereotypical brash Texans, we're certainly not into bragging about being from Texas lol  

we have one couple, friends of mine primarily that i've known since middle school, and we live about 1 mile from them...they are our primary social connects here. it's nice to have old friends that we know really well here...but that's still pretty limited compared to how big our social circle used to be. we'll figure it out eventually. 

Man....you just blew right by my "group sex" suggestion.  I get it, I can tell when my advice is not wanted.

[Samson's Wig 3,194]

2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Man....you just blew right by my "group sex" suggestion.  I get it, I can tell when my advice is not wanted.

Do you remember when she mentioned she's surrounded by old people?

[SydneyCarton 48,197]

5 minutes ago, mchookem said:

haha i actually tried that last fall just a few months after we moved in! it's a pretty small complex, 12 units. i made a flyer for an 'Open House Happy Hour - we'd love to meet our new neighbors!'...of the 12 units we had folks from 2 of them stop by lol. our immediate next door neighbor is actually pretty cool and i've gone out for a drink/dinner with her once...she also happens to be the HOA president which is also cool b/c she is super chill and told us with regard to a couple of things we wanted to do in our little yard 'eh it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, go for it'. but she's still working, her disabled adult brother lives with them, and they go up to Estes Park almost every weekend b/c they have a place up there where they plan to eventually retire, so she doesn't have much time to socialize. actually...i just talked to her last week and i think we are going to try to get together again soon  

but i've toyed with trying another gathering again this holiday season...now that we've met a few more neighbors doing drivebys, HOA meetings and whatnot, they know we aren't some stereotypical brash Texans, we're certainly not into bragging about being from Texas lol  

we have one couple, friends of mine primarily that i've known since middle school, and we live about 1 mile from them...they are our primary social connects here. it's nice to have old friends that we know really well here...but that's still pretty limited compared to how big our social circle used to be. we'll figure it out eventually. 

1.) Your first mistake is not figuring how to horn your way into some Estes Park time with your new best friend. Becuase that place is fucking georgeous.

2.) have you thought about volunteering at a charity and seeing if anyone there would help expand your social circle a bit?

[Brisketexan 105,383]

3 minutes ago, Samson's Wig said:

Do you remember when she mentioned she's surrounded by old people?

That was what prompted my suggestion.  To be social, do what your neighbors are into.

[SydneyCarton 48,197]

I'm getting the impression that Brisket's wife has some very progressive hobbies. 

[Brisketexan 105,383]

3 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

I'm getting the impression that Brisket's wife has some very progressive hobbies. 

Don't knock nekkid canasta till you've tried it.

[David Dennison 18,948]

2 hours ago, Aqua Buddha said:

1.  Gen Xer here.  Not sure why people think we were the first to get trophies for everything but out parents barely even came to our games because they are busy working.

2.  Still a lot of reasons in this thread for loneliness.  They're all true but the solution is still the same.  You have to put yourself out there.  Your kids done with sports?  Fine.  Do something else.  Can't find a non crazy church?  Fine.  Find something else or keep looking for churches.  You have to change something about your life and get out of your comfort zone, otherwise nothing will change.  

I understand that this can be difficult for introverts but you still have to do it and for me, it can be especially difficult.  Women ask each other out for lunch and drinks all the time.  As men, we just don't do that but we should.  

Join something.  Do something.  Find your tribe regardless of how weird it is and do things with those people.

Well, in my case it's because I'm Gen X and we definitely got trophies just for playing. Apparently the west side of Houston in the late 70s/early 80s was the precursor of millennialism.

[MissingInAction 25,198]

Fucknit deleted

Edited September 22, 2023 by MissingInAction
Fuck it

[irishtexan 11,522]

51 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

It seems like entertaining again would be one of the easier things to do? I assume you've got neightbors, right? Backyard BBQ an option? Tailgating at another sports event that isn't UT? I realize you've outlined the X vs. Boomer dynamic of your marriage, and that it's not the same, but my parents moved into an over 55+ neighborhood a few years back. It's great for them, and my mom seems to host a dinner party once or twice a month where neighbors all bring some things, and they sit and socialize. Couldn't you work to do something like that every couple months, while not making it necessarily 55+?

Fuck. I just realized I'm less than 10 years away from qualifying for this community. Would shotgunning beers and blasting Slayer shirtless in the front yard be frowned upon in this sexy swinging seniors scene? Because I still do that from time to time. 

[SydneyCarton 48,197]

7 minutes ago, irishtexan said:

Fuck. I just realized I'm less than 10 years away from qualifying for this community. Would shotgunning beers and blasting Slayer shirtless in the front yard be frowned upon in this sexy swinging seniors scene? Because I still do that from time to time. 

We all know you don't want to move to Cypress, TX to find out. 

[KCMasterpieceof 24]

56 minutes ago, irishtexan said:

Fuck. I just realized I'm less than 10 years away from qualifying for this community. Would shotgunning beers and blasting Slayer shirtless in the front yard be frowned upon in this sexy swinging seniors scene? Because I still do that from time to time. 

Mental image of Irishtexan:

[Samson's Wig 3,194]

1 hour ago, David Dennison said:

Well, in my case it's because I'm Gen X and we definitely got trophies just for playing. Apparently the west side of Houston in the late 70s/early 80s was the precursor of millennialism.

Given that area's proclivity for generating aggies, I'm not surprised and also glad you made it out alive.

[UpperWestside 6,190]

3 hours ago, Aqua Buddha said:

1.  Gen Xer here.  Not sure why people think we were the first to get trophies for everything but out parents barely even came to our games because they are busy working.

2.  Still a lot of reasons in this thread for loneliness.  They're all true but the solution is still the same.  You have to put yourself out there.  Your kids done with sports?  Fine.  Do something else.  Can't find a non crazy church?  Fine.  Find something else or keep looking for churches.  You have to change something about your life and get out of your comfort zone, otherwise nothing will change.  

I understand that this can be difficult for introverts but you still have to do it and for me, it can be especially difficult.  Women ask each other out for lunch and drinks all the time.  As men, we just don't do that but we should.  

Join something.  Do something.  Find your tribe regardless of how weird it is and do things with those people.

I want to say that this is a really good post and thank you for your contribution. You absolutely, positively have to put in the effort to find a group you can fit in with and belong to. One of the positives of the rise of the internet and now social media is that you can find groups of people with similar interests. While this is easier to do in a major metropolitan area you can find it on a smaller scale outside the cities. Take the first step and try. Every cool journey in life starts with one initial step forward. You do not know where it will eventually lead if you do not try.

I remember vividly the day I left Texas and had no real idea about the journey ahead. It has been beyond anything I could have ever expected. It has been good, not so good and a whole bunch interspersed in there. The constant thought is going day by day and seeing where that leads. Locking yourself away from the world takes away so much of the enjoyment of life. 

[After irth 1,245]

16 hours ago, irishtexan said:

Fuck. I just realized I'm less than 10 years away from qualifying for this community. Would shotgunning beers and blasting Slayer shirtless in the front yard be frowned upon in this sexy swinging seniors scene? Because I still do that from time to time. 

I call that "Tuesday afternoon".  

[After irth 1,245]

17 hours ago, mchookem said:

i'm about 20 years younger than the average retiree, everywhere we go now im always the youngest. that can be isolating even in social situations, the lone GenXer surrounded (and married) to boomers. 

My apologies if you've covered this already, but...

What's your age difference in your marriage?  Can you speak more about the odd ways it affects your daily life (if you wish)?

[mchookem 16,397]

4 hours ago, After irth said:

My apologies if you've covered this already, but...

What's your age difference in your marriage?  Can you speak more about the odd ways it affects your daily life (if you wish)?

17 years. and there's a racial difference, so the two combined often make us really seem like a mismatch 🤨 we have a lot of minor/mundane differences... the type of music we like, movies/tv shows, foods, daily routines. at our current ages there's definitely a difference in energy levels, but that's probably also related to daily routine... he's early to bed/early to rise and takes daily naps, i'm a night owl who sleeps later and runs around during the afternoons.

re: mindset, he's just what i would call 'old school' in many ways. he tells stories about growing up and his father that legit sound like child abuse lol...but he just says 'that's what's wrong with kids today'. he cannot relate at all to things like our niece's eating disorder (not saying i can but i'm a lot closer to empathizing with a 21 yoa anorexic white girl in college than he is 😄) or mental/emotional problems in general. he thinks i overthink things (he's not wrong haha). he worked in HR and had a lot of 'opinions' about millennials' issues in the workforce 😝 

he has mellowed some with age, but also some of the differences have become more pronounced. and of course this is just my perspective... honestly, he doesn't really think about any of these things, he just wants me to be happy...e.g., our move to CO which was 100% just bc of me, he would have stayed in Austin forever. anyways, im pretty lucky in that regard 😊❤️

Edited September 22, 2023 by mchookem

[Nuge 1,986]

This is an interesting discussion.  On one hand I have a large group of friends that I've known since grade school in The Woodlands.  In fact, 8 of them flew out to Portland to visit me last week and go to concerts, play disc golf and 42.  We all dressed up as DEVO and went to the Modest Mouse/Pixies concert.  As they were all packing up to fly back home it was decided that this is now an annual event with locations to change.  Red Rocks, Fillmore, etc.  We also meet every year at my friend's ranch in Corrigan for a disc golf tournament.  In many ways disc golf and similar music tastes have been the tie that binds us.  But they are all in Texas, and I'm in Portland, and I miss them and all of the daily stuff they do.  There is a weekly round of DG on Friday mornings that I wish I could join in.  There are 20 of us on a group chat in which we share our ups and downs, insult and cheer each other.  I love them.

Last week I had extra tickets to the Hermosa Gutierrez concert.  As I went through my contact list to try and give it away I realized how few friends I have here even though I've been here for 10 years.  I've been searching to no avail for some people to play 42 with.  I play in dg leagues and tournaments and have superficial connections with the players on my local course but haven't really connected yet.  I probably need to try harder.

One thing I did this summer is build a stage in my backyard and started hosting concerts.  Community building and supporting the artists are my primary intentions.  Its slow going but word is starting to spread.  I've been volunteering at music festivals and surrounding myself with people that love live music as I do.

I'm also one of those extraverted introverts.  I like the energy of being around people.  I also like watching really shitty sci-fi by myself.  Sometimes I get a knot in my throat when I'm around new people.  Sometimes I'm the life of the party.  I tend to have more adventures than most of the people I come across.  I'm a 51 yo that still acts 20 years younger.  I'm newly single and am now getting my mojo back and seeing the sparkle in attractive women's eyes.

I'm doing what I can to foster new relationships but can never attain what it is I had/have with my lifelong friends in Texas.  Social media has helped keep me included but I also don't want to fall victim to the doom scrolling that I catch myself doing.  It feels very bipolar but I feel hopeful that better times are ahead.  That hope will be enough to keep me going for awhile.

[G650 14,278]

29 minutes ago, Nuge said:

I'm also one of those extraverted introverts.  I like the energy of being around people

 

Yeah, I figured out quite some time ago I really enjoy the act of being alone among people, and that's why I love cities. Nothing better than sitting at a busy bar in different town and just having a drink with bustling energy around.

[UpperWestside 6,190]

36 minutes ago, G650 said:

 

Yeah, I figured out quite some time ago I really enjoy the act of being alone among people, and that's why I love cities. Nothing better than sitting at a busy bar in different town and just having a drink with bustling energy around.

This is something I consider a very positive aspect of cities. Even if you are not someone that likes high-leverage social situations where you might have to converse with people you do not know, you can always just go and sit at an outdoor cafe and just people-watch. Personally this is something I enjoy doing because of my deep interest in the psychology of people in groups and how they behave. New York City gives me a wealth of info and in a way keeps me socially active when I otherwise may just stay home when I do not have to be at work. I would assume we probably have other people here that do the same thing in other major metropolitan areas around the US. A simple activity like this can have some far-reaching positive influence on your sense of self and how you feel.

[Guest]

I have a hypothesis that introverts run the internet.  On threads like this one many introverts will self identify, but extroverts seldom do, or at minimum they do so at a much lower percentage.  Either there are more introverts total on the internet or introverts are simply more active on social media, or extroverts are less likely to self identify.  I think the former is more likely. 
 

I’m one of the relatively rare extroverts who are willing to admit it on the internet.  I have to travel for work a fair amount, and I cannot stand to either eat alone or sit alone in a hotel.  I will strike up conversations with practically anyone while traveling and often go have drinks or dinner with people I just met. 

Edited September 22, 2023 by axiom of foundation

[G650 14,278]

6 minutes ago, axiom of foundation said:

 I will strike up conversations with practically anyone while traveling and often go have drinks or dinner with people I just met

So you're that asshole

[Patricio Swayze 17,058]

 
Yeah, I figured out quite some time ago I really enjoy the act of being alone among people, and that's why I love cities. Nothing better than sitting at a busy bar in different town and just having a drink with bustling energy around.

Very much this. It’s why I am drawn to candid street photography. I do approach people for street portraits sometimes, but it’s difficult for me. I have a photographer friend he can do it so effortlessly. I’m jealous.

[Brisketexan 105,383]

19 minutes ago, axiom of foundation said:

I’m one of the relatively rare extroverts who are willing to admit it on the internet.  I have to travel for work a fair amount, and I cannot stand to either eat alone or sit alone in a hotel.  I will strike up conversations with practically anyone while traveling and often go have drinks or dinner with people I just met. 

Yeah, I'm closer to this.  Some of the coolest experiences I've had have been with random connections over a drink or dinner or whatnot.

[G650 14,278]

2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Yeah, I'm closer to this.  Some of the coolest experiences I've had have been with random connections over a drink or dinner or whatnot.

There's no question, and I appreciate the extroverts for this. I've had great times with random people who started conversations with me at the bar.

 

On the plane though you motherfuckers can fuck right off.

[Brisketexan 105,383]

2 minutes ago, G650 said:

There's no question, and I appreciate the extroverts for this. I've had great times with random people who started conversations with me at the bar.

 

On the plane though you motherfuckers can fuck right off.

Well, on a plane (or anywhere else, for that matter), the key is "read the room."  If the person next to me wants to be chatty, I'll chat.  If not, I work/read etc.  Have had some great conversations on planes, have had plenty more flights where I don't say anything other than my drink order to the FA.

[Kennythetiger 9,471]

1 hour ago, G650 said:

 

Yeah, I figured out quite some time ago I really enjoy the act of being alone among people, and that's why I love cities. Nothing better than sitting at a busy bar in different town and just having a drink with bustling energy around.

My favorite place to be is where no one knows my name. 

[Chopper 17,267]

Appreciate the thread. I think I need to be more socially active. In Austin I used to play cards, go out for drinks with friends, etc...but I've since cut back on the drinking. Y'all just talked me into taking up pickleball when next spring rolls around. And maybe I'll reconsider joining up with the local elliptigo riders group.

Edited September 22, 2023 by Chopper

[Guest]

49 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

My favorite place to be is where no one knows my name. 

I'm guessing you weren't a fan of Cheers?

[UpperWestside 6,190]

2 minutes ago, axiom of foundation said:

I'm guessing you weren't a fan of Cheers?

Norm would’ve gotten hit over the head with a beer mug and Cliff would’ve taken a barstool to the face. God help them if Sam, Frazier, Woody or Coach had chimed in. 😂

[UpperWestside 6,190]

55 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

My favorite place to be is where no one knows my name. 

I understand this. There are times you just need to get away from all out the outside noise of the world. Never a bad idea to stop, isolate and recharge your battery so to speak.

[G650 14,278]

1 hour ago, UpperWestside said:

Norm would’ve gotten hit over the head with a beer mug and Cliff would’ve taken a barstool to the face. God help them if Sam, Frazier, Woody or Coach had chimed in. 😂

So csb, but I dealt blackjack to George Wendt once. He was literally Norm and drank every beer in a gulp or two.

[Guest]

On 9/21/2023 at 2:47 PM, Brisketexan said:

Don't knock nekkid canasta till you've tried it.

2 Hands-full