America's Loneliness Epidemic

[Francisco 2.0 32389]

Catching up on this thread gave me pause.

I've said here and there I re-married in my early 40's to a woman who was 29 with no kids.  She wanted children, and I agreed; however, the nature of her job meant the children would be with me far more than her, which I was good with.  However, it does have a cost in that I simply don't have the time to do this or that; I'm watching the kids, or taking them to soccer or school, or whatnot.  They are still too young to leave alone, but in the next 3 years or so, I could start thinking of doing that.

I'm not bitter over it, and with the hours my wife has there's literally no opportunity to do things I would like to do...with men.   I have a country club membership, but I've not played a round in 5 years.  She's encouraged me to go play, but when she tells me I have a few hours...well, I really can't squeeze in 18 with the people I would play with because that's gonna take 4-5 hours minimum, so that's out.

To her credit, she does recognize that I need to do more male bonding things, but she also recognizes all of the things that I do for the kids, for the house, etc that something to go, and it has.

Having said all of this, it does make me think, as I'm in my mid-50's now...just how much I've fallen behind in male bonding stuff.  I have all of you mouthbreathers for entertainment, so I'm not totally isolated from society...in a sense.  Not many male co-workers that I'd care to associate with away from work, either.  I'll be able to retire in the next 7 years, and the kids by that time will be in college---I'll have plenty of time then, but I look at it like starting to date late in life after not doing it for decades---how do I start?

And again, I have no resentment at all.  Having kids later in life has been a great joy. I loved the old couple in a McDonald's a few years back on a Saturday morning asking me if taking my grandkids out to breakfast was fun; the look on their faces when I told them that no, they were mine.  That sort of thing plus I love the time that I get to spend with them.  Something had to give, however, and it was "me" time.   

I'll go back to lurking.

[troph 24781]

3 hours ago, dcbc said:

The business partner is going to have a BJJ fight with your wife at his house?

Victor Hugo. Our company sponsors him.  Ain’t no 50 year old ladies grappling on the mats, that shit will put us in traction man.

[atomheartbevo 89629]

25 minutes ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

Having said all of this, it does make me think, as I'm in my mid-50's now...just how much I've fallen behind in male bonding stuff.  I have all of you mouthbreathers for entertainment, so I'm not totally isolated from society...in a sense.  Not many male co-workers that I'd care to associate with away from work, either.  I'll be able to retire in the next 7 years, and the kids by that time will be in college---I'll have plenty of time then, but I look at it like starting to date late in life after not doing it for decades---how do I start?

Lot of parallels - I didn't have kids until I was close to your age, but I was lucky to meet a bunch of parents through my kids, as well as parents through Cub Scouts, that I can hang with.

I've went through phases - friends with high school/college buddies (and a few are still around) in the 90s, and then mostly friends with co-workers, but I saw co-workers who were having kids drift out of the group as their time was tied up, and it makes perfect sense to me now - I drifted away from a lot of co-workers (past and present) when we had kids, as there just wasn't time to do stuff with them, and/or I couldn't drop what I was doing and go hang with them.

No idea what to tell you, as I planned none of this.

[G650 14244]

18 hours ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

Used to be you would talk with people while waiting everywhere, now you try that and you are some creep. Everyone is on their phones acting like I'm interrupting them solving cancer or something just trying to converse.  

Remember when coffee shops were about the conversation, hell they put your name on the cup for god sakes. Now people order on their app, show up to the pickup line and just nod when their name is called.

So you are that annoying motherfucker that wants to talk to everyone

[Judge Roybeanbag 11819]

22 hours ago, Bevo said:

Does the 5 dogs per couple help?

You need 40 dogs, and cigarettes. 

[Bevo 13569]

1 minute ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

You need 40 dogs, and cigarettes. 

Ahh, it should be like a walk in the park.

[Captainant 27637]

14 hours ago, Wiler77 said:

At New Years, my wife and I talk about resolutions. Mine is always, "I want to do more things with friends". Human interaction is so important. But every year it's the same--3 kids in school and activities, I work long hours and travel for work, and we also like family time. Shooting the shit with friends just doesn't happen. 9 days/80 hours, huh? Yes please.

I think this is the core nut of it. Nobody has time for anything these days. The average (or more accurately, the median) joe is working >40hr weeks for poverty wages that can barely afford an apartment and basic quality of life, nevermind saving and growing your wealth. The money and liberty to defuse this oppressive dynamic is there, we're just still waiting for it to trickle down. 

Edited September 2, 2023 by Captainant

[WhatTheBuck 28775]

 

[Bevo 13569]

 

[Macanudo 12975]

14 hours ago, Pancho said:

This is getting into my major and what I teach at the college level.

That study being 60-70 years is out of date but still hits on the main argument today--it's not that guys need guy time rather people need social interaction and social bonds. We call this the Need to Belong Theory. We are all born with this drive to seek, form, and maintain strong relationships regardless of who that person is, what sex they are, or where we form them (work, school, church, neighborhood, Surly, tailgates, etc.) The reason we seek these relationships is because it makes us feel like we aren't alone because we belong to a social community.  

Getting a little further in, the theory argues that these relationships need to be interactive and emotionally close. If we feel they aren't interactive and emotionally close, they have an impact on our physical and psychological well being. 

 

In your scholarship, is there any research on how to be Ok with being alone though and/or enjoy the quiet times?   What I mean by this is that a lot of people (men historically) get wrapped up in their careers.   What they do defines them.   When they retire they don't know what they are anymore.   It's the stereotypical older guy who is tagging along with his wife at HEB because he doesn't know what to do with himself when he's alone.   There is nothing outside of work that seems to bring some people joy.  

The other day on NPR, I heard an interview with doctor discussing the need to rest more often.   Not sleep but actually reset whether that's time outside walking, reading a good book, listening to music, etc.   The gist of her discussion is about who we don't really have enough quality downtime.   I think this really leads into a discussion for working people, parents and those with generally hectic lives about how to relax.  And would this impact our ability to be alone?  I think so.   But one does not have to be alone to relax either.   I have often found myself in an airport or other crazy place and been able to relax.   

When I was younger, my dad would always plan a vacation where he would have a day off following the return day.   He advocated that coming home and then going right back to work the next day sucks.   And I really agree with him.   Take a day to rest. 

Like Brisket, I like to talk to people around me.  It makes life more interesting even though it is a one-off short conversation.   

[RollLeft 5040]

[MissingInAction 25013]

I think it's helpful, for me anyway, living in an apartment complex. There's always people and stuff going on. Sometimes it pisses me off, but that's good too in a way. 

I house sat a giant two story 5 bedroom home for two weeks over the holidays.

By the end of the first week..

Edited September 2, 2023 by MissingInAction

[Aqua Buddha 14582]

14 hours ago, Dbeasy said:

This thread struck a nerve. I left Dallas a few years ago and moved back to Austin for early “retirement”. 

I left behind regular golf partners, a Texas Hold’em poker group, Texas sports friends, and other friends.

When I got back to Austin, I’d lost the relationships with a lot of the guys I’d grown up with.

There are still a few I’m close to, but they all work, and strangely they don’t play golf much and no one plays poker. I also live out on the edge of town in an area where the bars and coffee shops aren’t a great fit. To top it all off I moved back here during Covid so meeting new people was tough. And church is not for me. 
 

 

This happens a lot in retirement, actually.  People move to where the grandkids are or they move to some retirement spot.  Either way, they've moved to a city where they know no one and are starting over from scratch.

[Bevo 13569]

One game that works for me is trying to have sex. The game part is my wife tries to make excuses for it not to happen. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose.

[BamaATL 16593]

19 minutes ago, Bevo said:

One game that works for me is trying to have sex. The game part is my wife tries to make excuses for it not to happen. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose.

The problem with this is, my win percentage is fairly low.  I'm expecting a buyout from the wealthy alumni any day now. 

[Neonmoon 38129]

My job forces me to socialize with people. 

I would rather sit at home with my dogs and read a book. 

[Captainant 27637]

33 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

I think it's helpful, for me anyway, living in an apartment complex. There's always people and stuff going on. Sometimes it pisses me off, but that's good too in a way. 

I house sat a giant two story 5 bedroom home for two weeks over the holidays.

By the end of the first week..

All work and no play makes MIA a dull boy

[aggie08 21491]

3 hours ago, G650 said:

So you are that annoying motherfucker that wants to talk to everyone

I bet that asshole tries to make small talk with the person sitting next to him on the plane too!

[Superhero 8828]

24 minutes ago, Bevo said:

One game that works for me is trying to have sex. The game part is my wife tries to make excuses for it not to happen. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose.

Weird, because you're wife always loses to me.

[Biff Tannen 45665]

3 hours ago, Macanudo said:

When I was younger, my dad would always plan a vacation where he would have a day off following the return day.   He advocated that coming home and then going right back to work the next day sucks.   And I really agree with him.   Take a day to rest. 

This is huge.  Whenever we forget to have this extra day after a trip, it kills us.

[Kennythetiger 9376]

4 hours ago, Neonmoon said:

My job forces me to socialize with people. 

I would rather sit at home with my dogs and read a book. 

Same here. I am a professional in my small hometown. There is no privacy or boundaries at social events. Saturdays I don’t leave my house. Football all day, and any chance I get I am in my tractor listening to music and drinking coffee. 

[Kennythetiger 9376]

4 hours ago, Aqua Buddha said:

This happens a lot in retirement, actually.  People move to where the grandkids are or they move to some retirement spot.  Either way, they've moved to a city where they know no one and are starting over from scratch.

My dad is in this dilemma. My mom wanted to move to where their grandkids are (300 miles away). My dad drives back here once a week to have coffee with his friends. 

[Superhero 8828]

I went out for Korean BBQ with some buddies last night. One guy I’ve known since 2008, the others joined our “life group” over the past 5 years. We keep things pretty transparent and it sometimes it helps to just talk things through with other guys who are going through life’s ups and downs.

Going out tonight for some steaks, scotch and cigars. One guy I’ve know for a while, and my neighbor who I’ve only met a few times. But who doesn’t like steak and scotch?

Outside of these more intimate gatherings, I’m involved in a dads/daughters program, and also a dads/sons program. Between the 2, I see a lot of the same dudes at least once a month for camp outs, hiking, fish and other stuff. It’s for the kids, but also for the dads to talk on a more superficial level, but enjoy the camaraderie of being dads with kids around the same age.

I didn’t always have this. And now that I do, can’t imagine life without it.

 

OTOH, I’ve always encouraged my wife to go out with the girls. It takes her a while to meet new people and grow closer to them, so whenever she wants to do something (even some LAST MINUTE weekend trips), I tell her I’ll hold down the fort at home and let her get away from the kids for a few hours or a few days. 

[Brisketexan 105075]

I went out for Korean BBQ with some buddies last night. One guy I’ve known since 2008, the others joined our “life group” over the past 5 years. We keep things pretty transparent and it sometimes it helps to just talk things through with other guys who are going through life’s ups and downs.
Going out tonight for some steaks, scotch and cigars. One guy I’ve know for a while, and my neighbor who I’ve only met a few times. But who doesn’t like steak and scotch?
Outside of these more intimate gatherings, I’m involved in a dads/daughters program, and also a dads/sons program. Between the 2, I see a lot of the same dudes at least once a month for camp outs, hiking, fish and other stuff. It’s for the kids, but also for the dads to talk on a more superficial level, but enjoy the camaraderie of being dads with kids around the same age.
I didn’t always have this. And now that I do, can’t imagine life without it.
 
OTOH, I’ve always encouraged my wife to go out with the girls. It takes her a while to meet new people and grow closer to them, so whenever she wants to do something (even some LAST MINUTE weekend trips), I tell her I’ll hold down the fort at home and let her get away from the kids for a few hours or a few days. 

Plus, when she’s with the gals, they have lingerie pillow fights and sometimes a breast falls out as a strap falls off a shoulder.
That’s what happens on those weekends, right?

[MissingInAction 25013]

14 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Plus, when she’s with the gals, they have lingerie pillow fights and sometimes a breast falls out as a strap falls off a shoulder.
That’s what happens on those weekends, right?

My videos can confirm.

[NWBuck 8552]

Sounds like we're all sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinkin' alone

[Gatorubet 30185]

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a44178122/family-estrangement-cut-off-parents/

Karl Pillemer, a professor at Cornell University and author of Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them, found that in 2020, 27% of Americans over the age of 18 were estranged from a family member. That’s more than a quarter, although the actual proportion could be much higher because many people are still reluctant to discuss such a personal and stigmatized topic. 

 

I would guess that number is going up.

[Gatorubet 30185]

On 9/2/2023 at 11:05 AM, Bevo said:

One game that works for me is trying to have sex. The game part is my wife tries to make excuses for it not to happen. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose.

We can put a man on the moon, but we don’t make a roofie in a Godiva chocolate flavor. It is bewildering.

[Guest]

Shared it on another thread, but this past week I had dinner with 3 co-workers/ retirees.  Between us, we have 140 years of service and 2 of us are still working.  That's a bond worth maintaining and we make the effort to see each other at least once per year.  Meanwhile we still call/ text and share stories all the time, maintaining contact.  The 2 guys who are retired are practically busier than us with bowling, golf, Knights of Columbus, motocross racing( yes- really!!!.)  They are happy because they built lives away from work.  

I know some folks on here rail against the "value of your job" or talking about work too much, but besides these 3 guys, I'd also consider a good handful of other people from work among my best friends,  2 dudes and 1 lady in particular.  We can call each other at any time and vent/ bitch/ cry/ whatever.  If any of those folks called and needed something, I'd do what ever I could to help them.  They are my family away from family.  They know it.  My family knows it. Being a husband and father is everything to me, but I have some damned good friends from throughout the years at work.

Also this past weekend I got to revisit some relationships I have made through a hobby of mine in which I have participated for about 9 years.  It is family friendly and it is a HUGE blessing to watch kids who have grown up through the community.  One of the couples had miscarried a few years back;  and brought their 7 month old baby to the get-together.  It was an incredible feeling of happiness towards them,  knowing how much that baby will be loved.  Those emotions are salve for the soul.  Those shared experiences are important in this novice shrink's opinion.  This group is very important in my life and like Brisket's fishing trips; there are times when my wife just says 'Go see your friends!'  She gets it.  She supports it.  She has her groups of friends that function similarly.

It does take effort.  It does require emotional investment in others.  It does require vulnerability and candor.  If you never make the time for these things, I would imagine life feels pretty damned empty.  The situation in our society is entirely understandable.  Some people are not willing to work at anything, so they get the same payoff in kind.

Edited September 4, 2023 by slorch

[DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12301]

This is an interesting thread. It's been touched on lightly here, but I think the underlying issue is our iPhones. They're a life crutch and allow us to complete checkout from the relationships and experiences that truly provide meaning to our lives.

I got rid of my iPhone a few months ago and it's had a profound impact on my happiness, sense of purpose, relationships, pretty much everything. It obviously has its drawbacks, but I feel like I have my life back. Without that stupid fucking thing in my pocket, everything I do has intentionality behind it. I make more of an effort to live my life, and looking back, it's clear it has stolen so much of the one thing I can't have more of: time.

[UpperWestside 6161]

I have been trying to think of where to put this, but this seems like the thread for it. There are times when you need to be actively engaged with those around you. My friend is in the Air Force and stationed on Okinawa. He was not aware that the FIBA World Cup had games being played at the new arena on Okinawa. I told him to go and have fun. He was having trouble finding someone on base to go that was interested in basketball. Then out of the blue he sent this message after attending a game.

 

Quote

I have a buddy that’s been going through a lot lately. His wife has been falling deeper and deeper into depression and his entire night every night is coming home and caring for her. They sent her off to a mental health facility in Arizona and ever since she left he’s been heavily drinking himself to sleep, staying inside, overall been getting worse and worse.

He’s not a basketball guy but I pretty much forced him to come with me and he got really into it and had a great time. He was high fiving all the Japanese people between plays. Afterwards thanked me for giving him the best night he’s had since she left. The best part of the night for me was seeing him have so much fun

I was so incredibly proud of him when I received this message. He is a very unselfish guy who is married. I went to his civil ceremony in New Jersey back in December 2021 because his now wife was also a friend and the only other witnesses to it were her mother and father. He saw a friend going through it emotionally and did what he could to ease his immense pain he is feeling. If you ever feel like just tuning out the world and living in a bubble please think twice about it because you just do not know how much being there for someone can mean. 

[Guest]

Technology has helped me stay connected.

I talk to my sons almost every Sunday, and if we miss, it's the day before/ after. One is in San Diego and the other is in NJ. You get the drift.  When they have been on military deployments, WhatsAp made it to where we could text during the week and maintain our calls.  We just laughed at how expensive that would have been in the olden days with land lines.  We use Facetime to see and interact with our grandson.  Is it the same as being there?  Hell no; but it does help.  Hell last night during football and baseball games; we had about 25 texts back and forth.  We're half a continent apart.

For all of Facebook's issues and and conflicts, I have used it through the years to keep  up to date with friends and family.  It beats the hell outta snail mail, although I'd posit there is still some bigtime value in hand written correspondence, as well.

The tools are there to improve our ability to connect and stay connected.  Of course, anything that is abused/ overused/ neglected is not going to turn out as well.

I would agree with the practice of "no electronics at the dinner table."  or as a family, we have X amount of time set aside to visit/ play games/ interact; but we will not be on the ipad or phone.  Hell, some people use the ipad/ phone as a fucking babysitter.  The practice frustrates me.  The results frustrate me.  Don't get me wrong, our kids absolutely had access to gameboys, their phones, and other electronics; but they were just as likely to be outside riding their bikes or throwing a ball around.  I'm not one of those "Phones are the devil" people either.  Things are fine in moderation.

[Macanudo 12975]

1 hour ago, slorch said:

They are happy because they built lives away from work.  

 

It does take effort.  It does require emotional investment in others.  It does require vulnerability and candor.  If you never make the time for these things, I would imagine life feels pretty damned empty.  The situation in our society is entirely understandable.  Some people are not willing to work at anything, so they get the same payoff in kind.

Bingo.   

[MissingInAction 25013]

If you're single and living alone I highly recommend a dog. Not a fucking cat, or bird, or fish. With a dog you're compelled to at least take it out for walks, parks, etc. 

I give Luna all the credit for the women I've met over the past 5 years. They give you instant credibility even though you may not deserve it.

But mainly because even when you're feeling like a bag of dicks and don't want to get out of bed the dog is the for you. 

[Aqua Buddha 14582]

Agreed on the iPhones.  Went to a funeral this past week for a former co-worker from 15-20 years ago.  We were in IT together in a pre iPhone era and the company had a stringent internet policy so you know what we all did?  We'd roll into the isle and talk to each other.  We knew a surprising amount about each other's personal lives.

Cell phones are a blessing and a curse but if you want to meet people, don't use them as often.

[Samson's Wig 3191]

On 9/1/2023 at 6:16 PM, Sandman said:

My friend has three kids and the youngest is now a senior. Me and our other friend, our kids are all out of school. I thought it would be easier for us to all get together once all the kids were driving and working or had graduated, but my one friend with the 3 kids just can't seem to make it happen. He denies it but we all know his wife keeps him on a short leash, and he doesn't seem willing or able to loosen it up. It's a real shame. 

A couple of weeks ago, I texted him a meme or something funny, he replied in 5 mins. I then follow up with "hey what are you doing this weekend?" and got nothing. 

I've got a friend like that, even has three kids.  Sometimes it's difficult not to give up on him.  I used to think it was his wife, but learned a while ago that he's the one putting the shackles on himself.  I don't know what you can do about that but keep trying to throw him a lifeline every once in a while.  It's difficult to watch.

[Francisco 2.0 32389]

On 9/3/2023 at 10:51 AM, Brisketexan said:

Plus, when she’s with the gals, they have lingerie pillow fights and sometimes a breast falls out as a strap falls off a shoulder.
That’s what happens on those weekends, right?

 

Once a year, my wife has a woman's trip.  The number of attendees ranges from 5 to 20.  They all work in the same profession, and from all parts of the US, and age from early 30's to 50's.  They decide on a locale (Napa valley, New Orleans, Santa Fe, Vegas, you get the idea) and all fly in and stay at a Vrbo or something similar for 3 days or so.

I refer to it as scissorfest.  

 

 

 

 

[Sandman 3403]

1 hour ago, Samson's Wig said:

I used to think it was his wife, but learned a while ago that he's the one putting the shackles on himself.  I don't know what you can do about that but keep trying to throw him a lifeline every once in a while.

He claims she's not badgering him to stay home with her 24/7 but the results say otherwise. I think he just doesn't want to hear her cry about how she doesn't have any friends and how she'll be home alone. She had a shitty attitude towards his friends for 25 years and it's hard to keep that from clouding my judgement. He tells us how much she's changed and how better she is about him hanging out but it doesn't seem much different to me. I keep trying though. 

[Dbeasy 15042]

The other weird thing about retirement is money going out and not coming in. Even though you may have plenty of money, a lifetime of saving money is difficult to overcome so that you can feel comfortable spending money on activities. 

Also, I got a call last week from a friend who I co-founded a company with, along with two other guys. One of the other co-founders passed away, at age 56. Yet another reminder that people may need to make room for retirement and the diversity of experiences that brings, before they don’t have the chance. 

[Gatorubet 30185]

I had a close coworker who retired - and then passed away one week before his long planned around the world vacation tour.   Yeah, but he earned another 8% per year on his Social Security money that he will never get by not retiring before 70.

So there’s that.

[BamaATL 16593]

2 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

I had a close coworker who retired - and then passed away one week before his long planned around the world vacation tour.   Yeah, but he earned another 8% per year on his Social Security money that he will never get by not retiring before 70.

So there’s that.

That's the shits.  I know you are better off waiting for that extra Social Security money, but tomorrow isn't promised.  My MIL is right on the edge of having to make that choice and it's certainly made me think.  To me, I think it's better to enjoy what time you have than wait for something that isn't a promise.  She wants to a do an around the world cruise, and while my wife is hesitant, I keep saying she should go and enjoy the hell out of it.  To be honest, if I didn't have things I am responsible for and people, I'd want to go right now (I hope not have these in the nearish future).  

[Boss Hogg 808]

On 9/1/2023 at 6:35 PM, Pancho said:

This is getting into my major and what I teach at the college level.

That study being 60-70 years is out of date but still hits on the main argument today--it's not that guys need guy time rather people need social interaction and social bonds. We call this the Need to Belong Theory. We are all born with this drive to seek, form, and maintain strong relationships regardless of who that person is, what sex they are, or where we form them (work, school, church, neighborhood, Surly, tailgates, etc.) The reason we seek these relationships is because it makes us feel like we aren't alone because we belong to a social community.  

Getting a little further in, the theory argues that these relationships need to be interactive and emotionally close. If we feel they aren't interactive and emotionally close, they have an impact on our physical and psychological well being. 

 

The secular shift in our society is behind a lot of this, whatever your thoughts on religion. 

[Gatorubet 30185]

I started taking mine the day I turned 66. Then again, having been diagnosed with stage three or four cancer made it an easy call. I will have received over $100,000 at age 70 by taking it the first day I could, and it turns out to be a bad decision if I make 79 1/2. (at that point waiting to 70 will have been better) 

Fuck that.  I had a lovely trip to England recently that I don’t think I would’ve taken had I known not been receiving my Social Security.   I consider it my free fun money until I retire - and it starts to become my food and shelter money. 

[Gatorubet 30185]

8 minutes ago, Boss Hogg said:

The secular shift in our society is behind a lot of this, whatever your thoughts on religion. 

??? A lot of what? feel free to fill in this giant assertion.

[MissingInAction 25013]

17 minutes ago, Boss Hogg said:

The secular shift in our society is behind a lot of this, whatever your thoughts on religion. 

Oh for fucks sakes. 

Edited September 4, 2023 by MissingInAction

[Brisketexan 105075]

??? A lot of what? feel free to fill in this giant assertion.

Church was where a lot of people traditionally found community and connection. Hell, as a child my family sure as hell did (the Houston Catholic “mafia” is still a great network for me), and even as a young family we did. Even though we don’t attend regularly anymore (seriously…sometimes not even Christmas or Easter), we still get together every couple of months with other similar aged adults for pizza beer and bullshitting, who we all met through our PCUSA church. Our kids are at similar stations in life, and so are most of us. Things have changed…one gal is divorced because her husband ran out on her, another is widowed (a fucking OD, the dumbass), but we are all in community, and it came from going to the same church.
Churches attract similar-minded people from similar stations in life, making a natural community that follows from that. These days, the theology, often rigid structure, and building distrust of institutions has worn that down. And there’s a SHITLOAD that’s bad about American organized religion. But the community aspect of it was a good thing, and as we walk away from what’s bad about church, we also walk away from the good we got out of it, and we haven’t really replaced it with anything.

[Gatorubet 30185]

And we used to sit together for lunch and not stare at our cell phones.  And we used to take care of our elderly in our own homes and not send them off to nursing homes.   And we used to not spend hours online gaming.   And if you read the morning paper, and then at dinner listened to uncle Walt give the news, you did not spend one second on Twitter or Surly or FaceBook looking up world events, sports or politics.  

So while I recognize the community aspects of church and religion, I do not agree with the “a lot” statement. That said, it is certainly a factor in the mix.  

[UpperWestside 6161]

53 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

I had a close coworker who retired - and then passed away one week before his long planned around the world vacation tour.   Yeah, but he earned another 8% per year on his Social Security money that he will never get by not retiring before 70.

So there’s that.

Do what you can while you can. Planning for something may or may not come to fruition can leave folks with a lot of missed moments and encounters in life.

[InkaUtexas 25870]

Was thinking about an earlier post I made. My work is very isolated. I work from home with odd times. Cannot really go out to a bar when I have to be on a conference call at midnight. 

But there is one thing I do. My best friend from UT days lives in Ecuador and does a similar job. He is stuck in a similar boat. So we get on WhatsApp calls every few Fridays about 10PM. We talk for about 3-4 hours, our times in shitty countries working together, baseball, listen to music, the family and kids, world events, and of course, work. We are a sounding board for each other on dealing with Clients. At first my fiancé did not understand why it was so important until one day she stayed up and heard the call. Now she knows that time is very important to me, and when the phone rings, hands me a beer and heads to the room. 

I think face to face time is very important, but any connection helps us get through. The days of shooting shit at the water cooler are dead in my business so we make do. 

[MissingInAction 25013]

I keep a running teams chat with myself and my direct reports. It's understood it's for bullshitting only. 

Just PM someone for anything work related.