America's Loneliness Epidemic

[Boss Hogg 808]

59 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Church was where a lot of people traditionally found community and connection. Hell, as a child my family sure as hell did (the Houston Catholic “mafia” is still a great network for me), and even as a young family we did. Even though we don’t attend regularly anymore (seriously…sometimes not even Christmas or Easter), we still get together every couple of months with other similar aged adults for pizza beer and bullshitting, who we all met through our PCUSA church. Our kids are at similar stations in life, and so are most of us. Things have changed…one gal is divorced because her husband ran out on her, another is widowed (a fucking OD, the dumbass), but we are all in community, and it came from going to the same church.
Churches attract similar-minded people from similar stations in life, making a natural community that follows from that. These days, the theology, often rigid structure, and building distrust of institutions has worn that down. And there’s a SHITLOAD that’s bad about American organized religion. But the community aspect of it was a good thing, and as we walk away from what’s bad about church, we also walk away from the good we got out of it, and we haven’t really replaced it with anything.

Exactly. 
 

What is the building often called that serves as the gathering place for activities outside of mass/services? 

Fellowship Hall

Now with less religion in lives, people look for other groups to belong to, whether it be football message boards  or political groups or what have you. It appears to not be working as well in this one respect and I’m far from a Bible beater. Just pointing out the obvious. 

[Brisketexan 105077]

And we used to sit together for lunch and not stare at our cell phones.  And we used to take care of our elderly in our own homes and not send them off to nursing homes.   And we used to not spend hours online gaming.   And if you read the morning paper, and then at dinner listened to uncle Walt give the news, you did not spend one second on Twitter or Surly or FaceBook looking up world events, sports or politics.  
So while I recognize the community aspects of church and religion, I do not agree with the “a lot” statement. That said, it is certainly a factor in the mix.  

Absolutely. It’s all the things. What has happened with American church-attendance practices is consistent with our other community connections. It’s PART of the greater trend, not a stand-alone issue.
And of course, it depends on the person. Interestingly, a lot of my life-long connections came from church communities - that’s just how it worked out. I have other long-term communities aside from that, but if you nuked my Houston-Catholic and Austin-PCUSA networks, I’d lose a lot of people who I’m close with.
And I’m no Bible-thumping zealot. More just a product of a particular time and circumstance.

[Gatorubet 30185]

6 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

And I’m no Bible-thumping zealot. More just a product of a particular time and circumstance.

Absolutely correct.  My upbringing was different. Sundays were for golf. Almost zero of my social contacts came from organized religion or church life.  But I am still friends with the children of my dad’s coworkers, who I knew growing up because we moved around the country working on different construction sites together.  No matter how the contacts originated, people want to feel connected, and to stay connected.

[MissingInAction 25014]

I'd like to add that hookers and blow are a great way to meet people.

[tx 3 putt 76873]

On 9/1/2023 at 11:04 AM, animaltobacco11 said:

I'm in a men's group that meets once a week at 6am 

 

[tx 3 putt 76873]

37 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

I'd like to add that hookers and blow are a great way to meet people.

Ive often thought that a singles group at a church is just easy blowjobs and pussy. Probably get a threesome in under a week 

[Macanudo 12975]

I was discussing this thread (and the article that started it) with someone earlier.   I mentioned that there are several milestones we go through that can be stressors:

1.  Empty nest (for those with kids).

2.  Retirement.

3.  Children moving away from the home town (if they do that.)

4.  Losing friends and family members to death.   

#3 can happen between #1 and #2 or after.   And in the case where people become grandparents but then their son/daughter moves away with their family, that's alienating too in its own way.  Toss in that along the way (for most of us) we start to lose our parents during our 40s, 50s and 60s.   Not all of use are super close to our parents but their death can put a strain on your life in a longer term way than one might expect.   The death and details of burial and wills, etc are stressful.   But what if you are the care take for another elderly parent.   That can be isolating as we have to spend more of our time taking care of them and not doing things that we want (socially.)   

I know we can bag on organized religion as well but Brisket made an excellent point about the Fellowship Hall.   When I was growing up, my parents went to the same church for almost 15 years.  My dad had been going there since he was in high school.  When we moved to Texas, my parents bounced around between 3 churches on the 6 years during my middle school and high school years.   They never established solid roots.  

They divorced shortly after I went to UT and then both ended up in different places on the west coast where they both struggled to make connections.  My dad moved back to the town he and I both were born in.   And yet, he was a stranger in a strange land for the last 25 years of his life.   

 

[Gatorubet 30185]

26 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

I was discussing this thread (and the article that started it) with someone earlier.   I mentioned that there are several milestones we go through that can be stressors:

1.  Empty nest (for those with kids).

2.  Retirement.

3.  Children moving away from the home town (if they do that.)

4.  Losing friends and family members to death.   

#3 can happen between #1 and #2 or after.   And in the case where people become grandparents but then their son/daughter moves away with their family, that's alienating too in its own way.  Toss in that along the way (for most of us) we start to lose our parents during our 40s, 50s and 60s.   Not all of use are super close to our parents but their death can put a strain on your life in a longer term way than one might expect.   The death and details of burial and wills, etc are stressful.   But what if you are the care take for another elderly parent.   That can be isolating as we have to spend more of our time taking care of them and not doing things that we want (socially.)   

I know we can bag on organized religion as well but Brisket made an excellent point about the Fellowship Hall.   When I was growing up, my parents went to the same church for almost 15 years.  My dad had been going there since he was in high school.  When we moved to Texas, my parents bounced around between 3 churches on the 6 years during my middle school and high school years.   They never established solid roots.  

They divorced shortly after I went to UT and then both ended up in different places on the west coast where they both struggled to make connections.  My dad moved back to the town he and I both were born in.   And yet, he was a stranger in a strange land for the last 25 years of his life.   

 

I think the biggest sin is that many of us think that we have nothing to offer other people, and that we will be intruding on other peoples lives.  Folks think they aren’t attractive enough, clever enough, rich enough, or whatever self-defeating analysis they come up with to not engage with other people.

I think the reality is that there are lots of people just like them - who are truly hoping to meet the person who thinks that nobody wants to meet them. 

Edited September 4, 2023 by Gatorubet

[Snake Diggity 4620]

8 hours ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

This is an interesting thread. It's been touched on lightly here, but I think the underlying issue is our iPhones. They're a life crutch and allow us to complete checkout from the relationships and experiences that truly provide meaning to our lives.

I got rid of my iPhone a few months ago and it's had a profound impact on my happiness, sense of purpose, relationships, pretty much everything. It obviously has its drawbacks, but I feel like I have my life back. Without that stupid fucking thing in my pocket, everything I do has intentionality behind it. I make more of an effort to live my life, and looking back, it's clear it has stolen so much of the one thing I can't have more of: time.

I struggle with this.  I am looking at my iPhone 5-7 hours every day.  I do a lot of keeping in touch with it between text threads and Facebook, but this addictive motherfucker is almost certainly a net negative in my life.  I have never struggled with addiction of any kind but I am undeniably addicted to my smartphone and it is almost certainly making me a less productive less happy person.

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20392]

26 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

  Folks think they aren’t attractive enough, clever enough, rich enough

It would suck to be none of those things, though I don't have any personal experience, of course.

[Pancho 44712]

On 9/2/2023 at 7:40 AM, Macanudo said:

In your scholarship, is there any research on how to be Ok with being alone though and/or enjoy the quiet times?   What I mean by this is that a lot of people (men historically) get wrapped up in their careers.   What they do defines them.   When they retire they don't know what they are anymore.   It's the stereotypical older guy who is tagging along with his wife at HEB because he doesn't know what to do with himself when he's alone.   There is nothing outside of work that seems to bring some people joy.  

 

 

There's nothing specifically that I've read or researched about how to be okay with being alone since the research says we need interpersonal relationships in some form; however, people who are lonely tend to have lower self-esteem so I would imagine there's some connection to those who are "okay" with being alone and enjoying quiet times having a higher self-esteem or self-value. 

Hope that helps...

[InkaUtexas 25871]

29 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

I think the biggest sin is that many of us think that we have nothing to offer other people, and that we will be intruding on other peoples lives.  Folks think they aren’t attractive enough, clever enough, rich enough, or whatever self-defeating analysis they come up with to not engage with other people.

I think the reality is that there are lots of people just like them - who are truly hoping to meet the person who thinks that nobody wants to meet them. 

Stay involved at the community level. Be in touch, maybe retire from your job, but not your community. I do river clean ups, we do mutual dinners on a rotating basis with a group of friends. Most of my communications are work related, so important to find other avenues. 

Trying to get some friends together to do a whiffle ball game once a month at the local (unused) park. 

My father (83) retired to a nice life in New Mexico. Good group of friends, stayed very active. Stepmother wanted them to move back to Texas. Built a really nice home, and they were very involved in the community. She passed away and he is in the custom house she wanted. He went through a funk. Got back into his community. VFW, Civil Air Patrol, teaching English and Citizenship Classes, going to the gym 3-4 times a week. He does not need money, he needs connections is what we discussed. Glad to see he did that. He maintains a good network of online friends, mostly people he served with. 

There is a fine balance. 

[Gatorubet 30185]

13 minutes ago, InkaUtexas said:

Stay involved at the community level. Be in touch, maybe retire from your job, but not your community. I do river clean ups, we do mutual dinners on a rotating basis with a group of friends. Most of my communications are work related, so important to find other avenues. 

Trying to get some friends together to do a whiffle ball game once a month at the local (unused) park. 

My father (83) retired to a nice life in New Mexico. Good group of friends, stayed very active. Stepmother wanted them to move back to Texas. Built a really nice home, and they were very involved in the community. She passed away and he is in the custom house she wanted. He went through a funk. Got back into his community. VFW, Civil Air Patrol, teaching English and Citizenship Classes, going to the gym 3-4 times a week. He does not need money, he needs connections is what we discussed. Glad to see he did that. He maintains a good network of online friends, mostly people he served with. 

There is a fine balance. 

Tl;DR.  Focus on using the local hookers and blow. Grow your links to the community where you live.

[Celery Man 20933]

In addition to the inevitability of the decline of religion, the literal deal with the devils that much of the church has made has been catastrophic for its role in the community.

 

I made a new dad friend the other day - another guy from the neighborhood who moved here from somewhere else to start a family around the same time I did. Our kids are close in age and were playing well so we exchanged numbers and have met up at the park a few more times. It is a very funny experience kinda... dude dating. I mean literally "hey can I give you my number", shit like that. I'm probably a little weird in that.. first day of kindergarten the kid in front of me in line said "Hey my name is Brian, do you want to be friends" and almost all good friendships that followed stemmed from that initial friendship. Outside of some work friendships, I can't remember times when I solicited friendship from someone who wasn't brought into a group I was already a part of. It's a thing to get comfortable with - I feel like I may be weird about that, but also... maybe not that much.

[Al Bundy's Napoleon Hand 13578]

6 hours ago, Pancho said:

 

There's nothing specifically that I've read or researched about how to be okay with being alone since the research says we need interpersonal relationships in some form; however, people who are lonely tend to have lower self-esteem so I would imagine there's some connection to those who are "okay" with being alone and enjoying quiet times having a higher self-esteem or self-value. 

Hope that helps...

It's probably been said before in this thread, but life is hard for everyone. Don't catastrophize that. That's situation normal. Self-compassion serves you better than self-esteem. It helps you be compassionate to others, a healthy selfish act. 

[Aqua Buddha 14582]

14 hours ago, tx 3 putt said:

Ive often thought that a singles group at a church is just easy blowjobs and pussy. Probably get a threesome in under a week 

I don't know about the threesomes but the first part is true.  Lot more women than men and they're secretly DTF.  Downside is they want to get married yesterday.

[Guest]

14 hours ago, Gatorubet said:

I think the biggest sin is that many of us think that we have nothing to offer other people, and that we will be intruding on other peoples lives.  Folks think they aren’t attractive enough, clever enough, rich enough, or whatever self-defeating analysis they come up with to not engage with other people.

I think the reality is that there are lots of people just like them - who are truly hoping to meet the person who thinks that nobody wants to meet them. 

*Raises hand* 

Wife and I are at a point now where we have a kid in younger grades and frankly have made a lot of friends through them. It's a foreign feeling to have people that actually want to get together and do things. For a long time it was just us, and then we had the kid but he wasn't in school and then Covid.

Now we have this social life that we're really enjoying... and the heat makes me want to leave it.

I will also admit I'm personally bad about being comfortable just hanging out at home. 

[troph 24781]

Disintegration of community - church bullshit causing many of us to leave and the smart phone. Fix those two things and I bet we are a totally different culture. 
 

I’ll admit, hard weekend. I was in introverted chill mode the whole time by design but last night it hit hard. Even though I entertained a bunch of high school band kids for my son I was still lonely. About 7pm decided instead of pizza, beer and football, I got on the bike, lifted weights and ate a bunch of fresh fruit and it was better but no human interaction really this weekend. I’ll have plenty for work but that’s different. Going fishing Friday with a friend, I’m sure all will be right then. 

[closetohumping 17435]

47 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

*Raises hand* 

Wife and I are at a point now where we have a kid in younger grades and frankly have made a lot of friends through them. It's a foreign feeling to have people that actually want to get together and do things. For a long time it was just us, and then we had the kid but he wasn't in school and then Covid.

Now we have this social life that we're really enjoying... and the heat makes me want to leave it.

I will also admit I'm personally bad about being comfortable just hanging out at home. 

Yep.  I got a third grader and we have a pretty large circle of friends because of her

[tx 3 putt 76873]

1 hour ago, Aqua Buddha said:

I don't know about the threesomes but the first part is true.  Lot more women than men and they're secretly DTF.  Downside is they want to get married yesterday.

well, if you meet a nice person and get married you’re no longer lonely 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21875]

5 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

well, if you meet a nice person and get married you’re no longer lonely 

There should be some kind of happy medium between being absolutely lonely and being absolutely miserable

[tx 3 putt 76873]

27 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

There should be some kind of happy medium between being absolutely lonely and being absolutely miserable

Only 1% have the game to pull that off 

If you’re lonely, meet someone and fuck it up….you’re a dumb ass 

[seven 1367]

I'm 41 and single and love being alone. Before my health issues I had a friend in a similar situation and we just had a standing Friday night hang every week. That 3-4 hours a week is enough for me and I need a minimum of a week break to feel "up to" socially interacting with anyone again. But I'm good to go for 6-8 weeks before I start feeling like I need some interaction. 

Having a dog also helps a lot. 

[Anwar Namtut 344]

On 9/1/2023 at 10:53 AM, 4th&Five said:

I'm married with a teen and a pre-teen.  I love my alone time.

We have four kids, all "adult" now. Our son moved out for two years and then moved back in about a year ago to save money and concentrate on college. He's 26.

Our oldest daughter just graduated from college with a radiology tech degree and is returning for another year to get her ultrasound degree. She got married and moved out about a year and a half ago. Her husband is in the air force about 50 miles away and they currently live on base. Her job is 70 miles one way. He is being deployed next month, so she is moving back in with us for the shorter commute and to save money so when he returns, they can buy a house. 

Our middle daughter just went out of state for college to be an airline pilot but is close enough to be able to drive back once a month or so without too big of a deal. At least until winter comes.

Our youngest is returning to high school to get her diploma in the spring. She's had some mental health issues that I wrote about on another thread somewhere and she should have graduated this year. At least she is returning to finish.

On top of that, we took on a foster child that is 15.

Just when I think our house might be less crowded, it ends up being more crowded.

Yes, I love my alone time. When I get any.

[Deej 76755]

On 9/4/2023 at 10:56 AM, MissingInAction said:

If you're single and living alone I highly recommend a dog. Not a fucking cat, or bird, or fish. With a dog you're compelled to at least take it out for walks, parks, etc. 

I give Luna all the credit for the women I've met over the past 5 years. They give you instant credibility even though you may not deserve it.

But mainly because even when you're feeling like a bag of dicks and don't want to get out of bed the dog is the for you. 

Get two dogs. 

[UpperWestside 6161]

6 minutes ago, Deej said:

Get two dogs. 

Why not three?!?! 😊

I have two, but a big part of having two was for my older dog to have a friend around when I am at work. It has been really good for her even if the puppy has worn her out. 

[Deej 76755]

1 minute ago, UpperWestside said:

Why not three?!?! 😊

I have two, but a big part of having two was for my older dog to have a friend around when I am at work. It has been really good for her even if the puppy has worn her out. 

I'm looking for a third. I space them out every four or five years. When the oldest one goes, the other two still have each other. 

[InkaUtexas 25871]

We have three. One gets to go to the FIL's farm (he can be an annoying little fuck) but yeah. Dogs are better as a team. Youngest is 1 year old, oldest is 8 and already showing issues. I love it when I work late at night and they are both sleeping on my feet. There is a comfort level. 

 

[MissingInAction 25014]

Luna is a boss bitch alpha female, and There's not enough room in my 800sf apartment for two dogs.

[Brisketexan 105077]

51 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

Luna is a boss bitch alpha female, and There's not enough room in my 800sf apartment for two dogs.

Then you probably need to sleep on the patio.

[Pancho 44712]

And yes, I think there's a connection between being lonely and the rise in the American passport bros (go see the thread I made here not too long ago) as from my unofficial research (talking with past students, seeing stuff on social media, and just basic stats) shows that more women are choosing to be single because some dudes have issues. And yes, it goes the opposite too that some women have issues. A lot of this is trauma based, but not all of it. 

LGBTQ relationships (or lack thereof) are not immune. 

[Reagan1k 3024]

23 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

I struggle with this.  I am looking at my iPhone 5-7 hours every day.  I do a lot of keeping in touch with it between text threads and Facebook, but this addictive motherfucker is almost certainly a net negative in my life.  I have never struggled with addiction of any kind but I am undeniably addicted to my smartphone and it is almost certainly making me a less productive less happy person.

Human interaction takes effort.  In the past, most people fought boredom by going out and doing things where they interacted with people and formed bonds.

But, since we are inherently lazy, the internet, smart phone, and social media provided an alternative to putting forth the effort of getting out there in real life.

The boredom issue is cured by the hypnotic nature of these devices and no effort has to be expended.  The digital interactions however are only a placebo and don't fill the same voids that real personal contact does.  We're left with empty people who can pretend they have a network and community, but that community is like a sugary calorie with no real nutrition for the mind, body and soul.

It's freighting and sad to see people, especially adolescents, who sometimes appear in public as if they were a mole who has had a spotlight shown on them.  Just coming out where real people are walking and talking and interaction appears to them like a sensory overload and they can't handle it.

 

[troph 24781]

1 hour ago, Pancho said:

And yes, I think there's a connection between being lonely and the rise in the American passport bros (go see the thread I made here not too long ago) as from my unofficial research (talking with past students, seeing stuff on social media, and just basic stats) shows that more women are choosing to be single because some dudes have issues. And yes, it goes the opposite too that some women have issues. A lot of this is trauma based, but not all of it. 

LGBTQ relationships (or lack thereof) are not immune. 

LGBTQ is not immune? I’d argue it’s worse. Part of it is being excluded from the structural relationship protections and advantages like marriage until recently. There softer disadvantages too like many therapists have no real queer experience, and research is almost exclusively hetero. Part of it is the extreme prejudice that did have a reprieve 2000-2015 but has never been without some pain and suffering, and then you have a smaller dating pool with every LGBTQ box you check. Yeah, lonlieness and relationship fuckedupedness in the queer world is very much a thing. 

[Pancho 44712]

9 minutes ago, troph said:

LGBTQ is not immune? I’d argue it’s worse. Part of it is being excluded from the structural relationship protections and advantages like marriage until recently. There softer disadvantages too like many therapists have no real queer experience, and research is almost exclusively hetero. Part of it is the extreme prejudice that did have a reprieve 2000-2015 but has never been without some pain and suffering, and then you have a smaller dating pool with every LGBTQ box you check. Yeah, lonlieness and relationship fuckedupedness in the queer world is very much a thing. 

You're making my point. From my experience, a lot of people are still uneducated when it comes to LGBTQ+ relationship and relationship issues. One of the more fun class discussions I would have every year was when I put up a discussion post around someone who is HIV+ and are scared to get back into the dating world even though they are undetectable and on their meds. Every single semester in every single class this was a discussion post, at least 95% of the class had no idea what undetectable meant. So I would have to stop and go into that for the rest of the class. (I've had several students after that class say thank you because either their friend/relative was HIV+ or the genuinely didn't know any of the PrEP and undetectable stuff because they were so sheltered and in their own bubble--sounds like this website, right?!?!?!?!!!)

[troph 24781]

Exactly. And then add family of origin crap - I’m nothing special there - dealing with hate in your childhood home and parents in adulthood - the strain on queer folk is something straight folk(especially straight white folk) can’t really imagine. 
 

its not all bad though, community can be easier and many negative constraints that straight folk succumb to often aren’t present or are easy to reject. Break up/divorce, sexual adventure, YOLO attitude, as examples. 

Edited September 5, 2023 by troph

[Superhero 8828]

On 9/4/2023 at 11:22 AM, Francisco 2.0 said:

Once a year, my wife has a woman's trip.  The number of attendees ranges from 5 to 20.  They all work in the same profession, and from all parts of the US, and age from early 30's to 50's.  They decide on a locale (Napa valley, New Orleans, Santa Fe, Vegas, you get the idea) and all fly in and stay at a Vrbo or something similar for 3 days or so.

I refer to it as scissorfest.  

 

[InkaUtexas 25871]

18 minutes ago, Superhero said:

[Superhero 8828]

14 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Yep.  I got a third grader and we have a pretty large circle of friends because of her

My daughter has been in the Adventure Princess program since she was in 2nd grade. Her "besties" from school are also in the program, so I hang out with the dads at camps and around the neighborhood.

@closetohumping If you aren't already in it, check out https://orangespiritnation.org/  I think there are some "tribes" out of Irvine as well.

3rd grade is perfect age to join. There's a campout this weekend at Irvine Regional Park and too late to sign up. But the next campout is next month. Plenty of time to sign up.

[EastHorn 281]

7 hours ago, Superhero said:

My daughter has been in the Adventure Princess program since she was in 2nd grade. Her "besties" from school are also in the program, so I hang out with the dads at camps and around the neighborhood.

@closetohumping If you aren't already in it, check out https://orangespiritnation.org/  I think there are some "tribes" out of Irvine as well.

3rd grade is perfect age to join. There's a campout this weekend at Irvine Regional Park and too late to sign up. But the next campout is next month. Plenty of time to sign up.

Do you ahve to have a daughter to join?

[Celery Man 20933]

9 hours ago, Superhero said:

My daughter has been in the Adventure Princess program since she was in 2nd grade. Her "besties" from school are also in the program, so I hang out with the dads at camps and around the neighborhood.

@closetohumping If you aren't already in it, check out https://orangespiritnation.org/  I think there are some "tribes" out of Irvine as well.

3rd grade is perfect age to join. There's a campout this weekend at Irvine Regional Park and too late to sign up. But the next campout is next month. Plenty of time to sign up.

This seems similar to the “Indian princesses/Indian guides” stuff I remember from my childhood, is it a… ok cool yes google tells me that this is still the YMCA associated program and I’d assume the branding changed because progress. Filing this away for a few years from now.

[Biff Tannen 45665]

2 hours ago, EastHorn said:

Do you ahve to have a daughter to join?

[High Plains Drifter 11033]

 

I'm on staff at a university that is not UT. Every semester we have a handful of undergrads, and maybe two or three grad students working with us.

Being around these young un's is definitely a positive for me. Yes, they can sometimes be lazy, entitled PITAs. But they are smart, funny, and (mostly) fun to be around. I much prefer them to the post docs I have to work with.

We got a box delivered a few years ago that was labeled "fragile". This 19 year old coed saw it and said "must be Italian." Gave me hope for the future.

 

[MissingInAction 25014]

I'm on my complex discord account, and have become that old man you ask about inane things like basic car maintenance, tax questions, and traveling advice. 

I like it.

[Brisketexan 105077]

54 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

I'm on staff at a university that is not UT. Every semester we have a handful of undergrads, and maybe two or three grad students working with us.

Being around these young un's is definitely a positive for me. Yes, they can sometimes be lazy, entitled PITAs. But they are smart, funny, and (mostly) fun to be around. I much prefer them to the post docs I have to work with.

We got a box delivered a few years ago that was labeled "fragile". This 19 year old coed saw it and said "must be Italian." Gave me hope for the future.

 

I was just talking this weekend to someone in a government research agency -- his targets for recruitment are grad students -- and he was going on about he LOVES this generation.  His experience is that they are actually pretty good self-starters, and way better informed than we were at a similar age, simply because of the availability of resources.  As he put it, "sure, the internet deservedly gets a bad rap, but it also works at what it was intended to do.  The amount of good information that they have access to and have already absorbed is incredible."  And again, he raved about their attitudes.  I've experienced it a bit differently in our field (more of the entitlement, and not having any idea how to work hard), but that may be a function of the field.

5 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

I'm on my complex discord account, and have become that old man you ask about inane things like basic car maintenance, tax questions, and traveling advice. 

I like it.

The awkward part is when you offered the unsolicited tutorial on the benefits of autoerotic asphyxiation.  

[MissingInAction 25014]

It was implied.

 

[Sandman 3403]

All this talk about how many dogs to get is crazy to me. I have 2 and wish they would go back to their home planet, Pootchie-style. I don't like having to work around them as far as rushing home straight after work to let them out, or making sure we get home in time to feed them on a saturday. Or just making sure they have plenty of time to be out of their crate every day. I currently do all those things, without fail, but I'd rather just do whatever the fuck I wanted, without limits.

And before you call me a bastard for having these dogs, my kids wanted dogs after our beloved boxer passed and we got these two idiots. Then my kids got their driver's licenses and jobs and now they moved out and have families and dogs of their own. I got stuck with the farting machines. 

[Brisketexan 105077]

7 minutes ago, Sandman said:

All this talk about how many dogs to get is crazy to me. I have 2 and wish they would go back to their home planet, Pootchie-style. I don't like having to work around them as far as rushing home straight after work to let them out, or making sure we get home in time to feed them on a saturday. Or just making sure they have plenty of time to be out of their crate every day. I currently do all those things, without fail, but I'd rather just do whatever the fuck I wanted, without limits.

And before you call me a bastard for having these dogs, my kids wanted dogs after our beloved boxer passed and we got these two idiots. Then my kids got their driver's licenses and jobs and now they moved out and have families and dogs of their own. I got stuck with the farting machines. 

We love dogs.  We had two labs over the years, covering from 1995-2021.  The second lab passed then, as the kids were both heading out of the house.  We did not get another dog.  It's been tempting, because again -- we really love dogs.  But we haven't done it because at present, we can just get in the car, and drive or fly away, and not worry about a thing.  Not having that responsibility is liberating.

But man, I do miss just coming home, having our dog greet me, and being able to scratch her under her chin and behind her ears.  It's soothing, comforting, and good.  I miss having a dog.  A lot.

[BabaYaga 15289]

6 minutes ago, Sandman said:

All this talk about how many dogs to get is crazy to me. I have 2 and wish they would go back to their home planet, Pootchie-style. I don't like having to work around them as far as rushing home straight after work to let them out, or making sure we get home in time to feed them on a saturday. Or just making sure they have plenty of time to be out of their crate every day. I currently do all those things, without fail, but I'd rather just do whatever the fuck I wanted, without limits.

And before you call me a bastard for having these dogs, my kids wanted dogs after our beloved boxer passed and we got these two idiots. Then my kids got their driver's licenses and jobs and now they moved out and have families and dogs of their own. I got stuck with the farting machines. 

I get it.  We have two - one is the smartest dog I've ever had and the other "isn't".  Both rescues.  Over the years we've hosted a number of other rescues.  One was a bernadoodle.  F that dog.  She shit all over the house, was the most stubborn we've ever had, and tore up the carpet.  Another was a small Brussels/terrier mix that would bark at her own shadow.  Never shut up.  Small, yappy, skittish.  Found a great family for her (old retired couple), but I wasn't sad to see her go. 

[ztejas 43411]

26 minutes ago, Sandman said:

All this talk about how many dogs to get is crazy to me. I have 2 and wish they would go back to their home planet, Pootchie-style. I don't like having to work around them as far as rushing home straight after work to let them out, or making sure we get home in time to feed them on a saturday. Or just making sure they have plenty of time to be out of their crate every day. I currently do all those things, without fail, but I'd rather just do whatever the fuck I wanted, without limits.

And before you call me a bastard for having these dogs, my kids wanted dogs after our beloved boxer passed and we got these two idiots. Then my kids got their driver's licenses and jobs and now they moved out and have families and dogs of their own. I got stuck with the farting machines. 

I mean the discussion started with "if you're single and living alone"

[Sandman 3403]

15 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I mean the discussion started with "if you're single and living alone"

Yes, and if I was single and alone, I'd want to be able to do things on the fly, whatever and whenever I wanted. Not have to say, "Well, first I gotta go home and let the dogs out and feed them. Then maybe I can meet you at XYZ later...".