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Dangerous Diarrhea Diverts Delta

MrBig

By MrBig
in Daily Texan

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Like, do you just kill yourself after this one? For the rest of her life, she will never go an entire hour without recalling in horror those people's faces as they ran through the aisle to distance themselves from her.

7d9c352c0a37d2c972822015a0f9902e.jpg

Escucha me? Yo estoy muy embarazada. Lo siento.
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YGIFS

YGIFS 19452

Posted
Posted

I picture several people staring at her, fuming, at the ATL luggage carousel upon return.  Just dramatically unzipping their bags and throwing articles of clothing at her, "Here, go change into this you fucking savage!"  

And please tell me the meal vouchers the airline gave out to affected passengers were to the same restaurant in the concourse she at before boarding.  The simulation owes us that much.  

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105337

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Posted
Just now, MNLonghornFUKM said:


They have the Popeyes in the huge food court that has saved me a few times

https://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2017/1/4/14166686/popeyes-is-perfect-and-you-are-the-problem

Quote

the experience of going to a Popeyes is always the same, even if you’re the second-place American Idol contestant that year getting made fun of and called “white boy” at the extremely stressful location inside Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta.

......

You place an order. At most other restaurants, you would wait for the food. This is not the case at Popeyes. The order, having been placed into their system, is now reviewed by a central computer housed somewhere above flood level in the New Orleans suburbs. It’s probably in Metairie. Metairie feels like the right place to put a giant supercomputer dedicated to rectifying incorrectly arranged fried chicken orders.

No, the food is then rearranged into the proper order for you by the AlTron 4800, and beamed back to the restaurant for packaging. You ordered a two-piece spicy with red beans and rice? No, you got a three piece mild with green beans. There are two biscuits in the bag. Why? Because the AlTron 4800 knew you were a little weak in terms of gut flora, and that you needed some easy chicken work to go with that necessary vegetable matter. The lack of red beans and rice is to teach you humility; the extra biscuit is to remind you that blessings, while random and surprising, are real. God might not respond, but he doesn’t cheat you. Neither does Popeyes.

.....

No. You don’t get to ask things of the indifferent and superior natural world, and you do not get to ask things of Popeyes. That is the point: in a late-stage capitalism where eventually the robots will simply bring your customized, allergen-free consumer goods to your house, Popeyes does not deliver. It does not cater to your whims. In fact, it will deny them, and give you something else. It will hand you spicy when you want mild and mild when you want spicy because sometimes too much fulfillment softens you, and makes you unappreciative for the random grace of unanswered prayers.

Sometimes you need to be told no. When that time arrives, Popeyes is happy to deliver.

 

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'stache

'stache 21866

Posted
Posted

I had the greasiest breakfast sandwich from a Dunkin Donuts at Love Field and almost pulled this off a few years ago. Luckily it was a 45 minute flight to TUL and I was able to hold it just long enough but I lost a few pounds of sweat and I'm pretty sure the tummy grumbles could be heard throughout the cabin.

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Helobious

Helobious 9464

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I had one instance where I was in the bathroom shitting my soul out of my ass 20 minutes before boarding. Don’t know what made me sick but I was really considering not flying. Luckily I guess I cleared my system, but I wasn’t far from being in this lady’s situation. So I’m not going to make fun of her.

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Rudiger

Rudiger 1169

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56 minutes ago, Helobious said:

I had one instance where I was in the bathroom shitting my soul out of my ass 20 minutes before boarding. Don’t know what made me sick but I was really considering not flying. Luckily I guess I cleared my system, but I wasn’t far from being in this lady’s situation. So I’m not going to make fun of her.

Same. There but for the grace of God go I.

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34772

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I was on a plane with a group of about five other people flying from Termez to Tashkent. We had been on a “donkey safari” to look at cave paintings in the middle of the mountains near the border with Turkmenistan. We all ate the same greasy village rice and meat pastry which hit the guts at the same time and we rotated through blowing ass non-stop into the sadly under-equipped lav in the back of that Ilyushin-114. Just relentless shitting and sharting and asscheek clinching, caring a bit less each time about the state we left behind in the lav. In retrospect, it was always inevitable to end that way from the moment “donkey safari from Termez” became a vacation plan. 

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Gatorubet

Gatorubet 30313

Posted
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2 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

We had been on a “donkey safari” to look at cave paintings in the middle of the mountains near the border with Turkmenistan. In retrospect, it was always inevitable to end that way from the moment “donkey safari from Termez” became a vacation plan. 

9D3EE0C5-7E9E-4130-809F-91DE0C2B6E3C.jpeg.85a7dbd885617af931d48d3e049365a4.jpeg

But worth the trip…

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Deej

Deej 76922

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Posted
1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

I was on a plane with a group of about five other people flying from Termez to Tashkent. We had been on a “donkey safari” to look at cave paintings in the middle of the mountains near the border with Turkmenistan. We all ate the same greasy village rice and meat pastry which hit the guts at the same time and we rotated through blowing ass non-stop into the sadly under-equipped lav in the back of that Ilyushin-114. Just relentless shitting and sharting and asscheek clinching, caring a bit less each time about the state we left behind in the lav. In retrospect, it was always inevitable to end that way from the moment “donkey safari from Termez” became a vacation plan. 

"The Aristocrats!"

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RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26473

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, aggie08 said:

Like, do you just kill yourself after this one? For the rest of her life, she will never go an entire hour without recalling in horror those people's faces as they ran through the aisle to distance themselves from her.

It's embarrassing at the time. But DAMN it feels good once it's out.

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FartingMonk

FartingMonk 3608

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18 hours ago, aggie08 said:

Like, do you just kill yourself after this one? For the rest of her life, she will never go an entire hour without recalling in horror those people's faces as they ran through the aisle to distance themselves from her.

I mean chances are you probably won't see them again.  And if you do both sides would be too embarrassed to actu address the situation 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19452

Posted
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36 minutes ago, FartingMonk said:

I mean chances are you probably won't see them again.  And if you do both sides would be too embarrassed to actu address the situation 

Good point.  You recognize her, on some off chance, at a shopping mall or amusement park in Orlando years later.  And you both stare at one another.  Your wife asks, "Do you know that woman somehow?  What's the deal?  I saw the way she looked at you and tried to hide her face from us!  Tell me the truth!"

And then you have to come clean and say, "Okay, I spent a few hours with her years ago before you and I had kids.  I was on a business trip.  And I paid several hundred dollars.  And in a confined space near Europe, she took a shit all over me, and some other men in business class.  Are you happy now?  Are we bonding?!?!?"  

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FartingMonk

FartingMonk 3608

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26 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

Good point.  You recognize her, on some off chance, at a shopping mall or amusement park in Orlando years later.  And you both stare at one another.  Your wife asks, "Do you know that woman somehow?  What's the deal?  I saw the way she looked at you and tried to hide her face from us!  Tell me the truth!"

And then you have to come clean and say, "Okay, I spent a few hours with her years ago before you and I had kids.  I was on a business trip.  And I paid several hundred dollars.  And in a confined space near Europe, she took a shit all over me, and some other men in business class.  Are you happy now?  Are we bonding?!?!?"  

This made me laugh way too hard.

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 12062

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1 hour ago, YGIFS said:

Good point.  You recognize her, on some off chance, at a shopping mall or amusement park in Orlando years later.  And you both stare at one another.  Your wife asks, "Do you know that woman somehow?  What's the deal?  I saw the way she looked at you and tried to hide her face from us!  Tell me the truth!"

And then you have to come clean and say, "Okay, I spent a few hours with her years ago before you and I had kids.  I was on a business trip.  And I paid several hundred dollars.  And in a confined space near Europe, she took a shit all over me, and some other men in business class.  Are you happy now?  Are we bonding?!?!?"  

 

48 minutes ago, FartingMonk said:

This made me laugh way too hard.

Proud Of You Yes GIF

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InkaUtexas

InkaUtexas 26109

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6 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

I was on a plane with a group of about five other people flying from Termez to Tashkent. We had been on a “donkey safari” to look at cave paintings in the middle of the mountains near the border with Turkmenistan. We all ate the same greasy village rice and meat pastry which hit the guts at the same time and we rotated through blowing ass non-stop into the sadly under-equipped lav in the back of that Ilyushin-114. Just relentless shitting and sharting and asscheek clinching, caring a bit less each time about the state we left behind in the lav. In retrospect, it was always inevitable to end that way from the moment “donkey safari from Termez” became a vacation plan. 

Ever fly KAMAir? That was the best. 

Was on a flight to Nepal. Boss tells me we are in first class. Cool. Well we go to the plane, it is a labor flight, we are the only two up front. Bathrooms in the back got messed up so spent 5 hours watching the young kids running up and down. Was a not a fun flight. Oh, and my boss snored like a donkey. 

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Buzzrock

Buzzrock 14941

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I had the greasiest breakfast sandwich from a Dunkin Donuts at Love Field and almost pulled this off a few years ago. Luckily it was a 45 minute flight to TUL and I was able to hold it just long enough but I lost a few pounds of sweat and I'm pretty sure the tummy grumbles could be heard throughout the cabin.

I had a diverticulitis attack on a flight from FLL to ATL. Thank God it was a short flight.
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