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2023 Houston Texans thread

Macklemore

By Macklemore
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Hank Kingsley
Hank Kingsley

This guy is awesome. Watch the whole thing.   

mrhorn
mrhorn
Planet Houston
Planet Houston

Never dreamt I’d be taking my 9 year old son to his first playoff game in 2024. Thought it would be more like 2042. 

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Murfdogg21

Murfdogg21 4412

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I went back and looked at playoff game times to confirm being shit on by NFL. 

The Texans have made the playoffs 7 times in 22 seasons, hosted the wildcard game each time, and won 5 (71.4%, surprisingly good). They are 0-4 in divisional round games. 100% of wildcard games and 8 of 12 total playoff games (67%) have been in the Saturday afternoon slot. They have never been the Sunday primetime game. (Bold=shitty Saturday afternoon game)

2011 - wildcard vs. CIN
2011 - divisional @ BAL (Sunday @ 12pm)
2012 - wildcard vs. CIN
2012 - divisional @ NE (Sunday @ 3:30)
2015 - wildcard vs. KC
2016 - wildcard vs. OAK
2016 - divisional @ NE (Saturday @ 7:15)
2018 - wildcard vs. IND 
2019 - wildcard vs. BUF
2019 - divisional @ KC (Sunday @ 3:00)
2023 - wildcard vs. CLE 
2023 - divisional @ BAL/KC
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Chuckie Finster

Chuckie Finster 22694

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Surprise, surprise. The Texans get the Saturday afternoon slot for the divisional round. 
 

Might be an unpopular opinion, but this is the absolute best time to watch a football game. I get that it’s the least prestigious or whatever, but I wouldn’t trade it for any of the other slots.
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Murfdogg21

Murfdogg21 4412

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Aside from casuals on both coasts not knowing Houston has a professional football team, I would’ve thought the CJ/Demeco story playing against either MVP Lamar Jackson or defending champ KC/Mahomes/Taylor Swift would be more interesting and draw more eyes than GB@SF, TB/PHL@Detroit, and the possibility of PIT@BAL, yet the Texans landed the worst of the 4 time slots.

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Homercles

Homercles 10205

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15 hours ago, Hank Kingsley said:

This guy is awesome. Watch the whole thing. 

 

I suddenly, desperately want to procure a ref-adorned dummy that I can donate to the Surly tailgating contingent, that I may observe the drunken antics when a flag is thrown

image.gif.3e147559ca0daed19a1ffce91bf4be2f.gif

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Pimphand

Pimphand 5755

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6 hours ago, Murfdogg21 said:

Aside from casuals on both coasts not knowing Houston has a professional football team, I would’ve thought the CJ/Demeco story playing against either MVP Lamar Jackson or defending champ KC/Mahomes/Taylor Swift would be more interesting and draw more eyes than GB@SF, TB/PHL@Detroit, and the possibility of PIT@BAL, yet the Texans landed the worst of the 4 time slots.

The NFL said if you played on Monday you were going to get scheduled next Sunday so that meant Houston would have to play Saturday because they can't play Buff or Pitt. After that there is no planet in the solar system where GB@SF isn't a bigger game with way more history for the network to hype up.

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Fud

Fud 9552

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4 hours ago, TonyTexas said:

I think that the Cleveland pick is now locked in at #23

It is

Throughout the season I was hoping for late teens to early 20s, but this could have been worse 

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Fud

Fud 9552

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For Houston at #23, two names I like if they fall are Cooper DeJean and Amarius Mims. 

DeJean can play all five (or six) DB spots, and can be elite at the inside ones; imagine what DeMeco and company could do with him? 

If Mims wasn't injured for most of the year, there's a chance he'd be in the discussion as a top five pick; obviously that's risky, but there could be some hidden value to go with the risk. You play him at RT and play mix and match inside

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TonyTexas

TonyTexas 10515

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14 minutes ago, Fud said:

DeJean can play all five (or six) DB spots, and can be elite at the inside ones; imagine what DeMeco and company could do with him? 

I’ve seen a few instances of him mocked to the Texans. Name the last white cornerback to have a successful NFL career. It might be Jason Sehorn who retired  20 years ago. 

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Fud

Fud 9552

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1 minute ago, TonyTexas said:

I’ve seen a few instances of him mocked to the Texans. Name the last white cornerback to have a successful NFL career. It might be Jason Sehorn who retired  20 years ago. 

I think he'd end up inside at nickel or safety, and his ability at corner means you can blitz corners on his side and he can potentially pick up the WR with minimal issues 

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Murfdogg21

Murfdogg21 4412

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1 hour ago, TonyTexas said:

I’ve seen a few instances of him mocked to the Texans. Name the last white cornerback to have a successful NFL career. It might be Jason Sehorn who retired  20 years ago. 

racist wonder showzen GIF
 

Probably true, but still racist. Yet it kept black QBs down for a long time and nobody thought McCaffrey would be MVP level for all these seasons as a white RB. 

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Ignatius

Ignatius 4017

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10 hours ago, Fud said:

For Houston at #23, two names I like if they fall are Cooper DeJean and Amarius Mims. 

DeJean can play all five (or six) DB spots, and can be elite at the inside ones; imagine what DeMeco and company could do with him? 

If Mims wasn't injured for most of the year, there's a chance he'd be in the discussion as a top five pick; obviously that's risky, but there could be some hidden value to go with the risk. You play him at RT and play mix and match inside

Of everyone who could realistically be there at #23, the only player I would take over DeJean is Keon Coleman and I don’t believe the mocks that have him available that’s late. I think CDJ would be an absolute baller in this scheme…

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HtownHorn

HtownHorn 14685

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1 hour ago, Ignatius said:

As are Greenard, Schultz, Cashman, Nelson, and Fant, all of whom need to be resigned…

Most of our cap space should be used to resign our own players. It's amazing what a real franchise QB can do for the production of everyone else on the field.

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Dutchrudder

Dutchrudder 11139

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I would like to see them re-sign Derek Barnett too, he's been a great addition to the DE position.  

Kaimi is also a free agent, so if they don't keep him (he was making 4.4m) then they need a new kicker.

Cameron Johnston the Punter is also a free agent. Made 2.6m last year. Need to sign him or a new one. 

Long Snapper Jon Weeks, who has been with the team for like 15 years or something, is also a free agent, but he's like 38. I guess he could play another year, but I would guess he retires soon. (he makes vet min 1.3m)

Cashman would be nice to have if he's cheap, but the guy has missed a lot of games in his short career. He's a huge injury hazard and would be best served as a rotational LB/special teams guy if he is re-signed. They need to find a Demeco Ryans type player to be the QB of the defense! 

There are a lot of interesting free agents out there next year, with something like 40m+ to spend after re-signing some important pieces, I think this team could attract some really good talent. I'd like to see them get some veterans in some important positions like Safety, LB, and maybe an interior O-lineman if they can snag one. They should still draft those positions, but if they can get a good vet, that moves the priority down a few rounds. Tons to work with here, I just hope they go for it while CJ is still on a rookie deal. 

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Bregs

Bregs 225

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12 hours ago, Murfdogg21 said:

racist wonder showzen GIF
 

Probably true, but still racist. Yet it kept black QBs down for a long time and nobody thought McCaffrey would be MVP level for all these seasons as a white RB. 

Not seeing the racism in his comment.  It is a fair question and Sehorn is the correct answer.  Not cool to be calling out people as racist.

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Macklemore

Macklemore 2872

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These idiots claim we “cheated” by pumping in canned crowd noise. I was there at the game. The stadium was packed and fans were in their seats BEFORE kickoff. Loudest I have ever heard NRG. Fuck you Cleveland losers.

Edited by Macklemore
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Hank Kingsley

Hank Kingsley 20957

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Can't speak to what Schultz means to players/locker room and his blocking skills, but his receiving production can be found for much cheaper than whatever a new contract will cost. That's not a slight on him, it's just that CJ will elevate any TE coming in that can run good routes and catch the ball. 

Caserio and Demeco need to build next year's team with the thought of getting to the Super Bowl now. The foundational pieces are there and ready to go. There will be a ton of interest from FAs to play for Houston. It's a good problem to have. 

 

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Zeus

Zeus 6044

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Shouldn’t be taking draft just yet. The think the Texans can hang around with Baltimore. If they could force a turnover or 2 it will be really interesting. Not sure if the Texans have the firepower in the trenches to compete. 
 

That said, in the draft I think they need OL badly. Colts game I went to early in season they had like 1 starting OL in. They need to reload with durable guys up front. 
 

Shopping for WRs is fun, but CJ is gonna get injured playing behind no OL. 

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Zeus

Zeus 6044

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4 hours ago, Macklemore said:

These idiots claim we “cheated” by pumping in canned crowd noise. I was there at the game. The stadium was packed and fans were in their seats BEFORE kickoff. Loudest I have ever heard NRG. Fuck you Cleveland losers.

Bruh Cleveland is a loser shithole. Of course they gonna be crying. They lost by 30 so it’s funny to bitch about crowd noise too. Look in the mirror dipshits. 

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Ignatius

Ignatius 4017

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17 hours ago, Dutchrudder said:

I would like to see them re-sign Derek Barnett too, he's been a great addition to the DE position.

Yeah Barnett has been solid and would like to bring him back as well; have to think you could get him at a reasonable rate. Agree on Cashman’s injury tendency, but he’s stellar in coverage when he’s available. If you can get him in the $4-$5MM range that goes above water after year 2 I think he’s worth the gamble. Effort and talent are definitely there….

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royiv

royiv 9323

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4 minutes ago, tx ind said:

Slowik seems great, but if he were to leave I’d imagine there’d be a line down Kirby all the way to 610 of people looking to sign up for that job with CJ as the QB.

So about 6 feet?

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Hank Kingsley

Hank Kingsley 20957

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12 minutes ago, tx ind said:

Slowik seems great, but if he were to leave I’d imagine there’d be a line down Kirby all the way to 610 of people looking to sign up for that job with CJ as the QB.

CJ is a god, but Slowik's offensive scheme is first rate. 

I really, really hope they've already been grooming Keenum to take over the Slowik offense.  

 

 

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