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Posted
1 hour ago, atomheartbevo said:

I don't know what the OP's post is, but I'm always telling my conspiracy-minded relatives/friends to be ready for some major false flag event, and they'll know it when they see it.

1 hour ago, DalTxHornFan said:

I assume that this is what OP is attempting to talk about:

Massive emergency alert test scheduled to hit your phone on Wednesday. Here's what to know.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/10/01/emergency-alert-test-what-to-know/70981620007/

Season 9 Yes GIF by Friends

Posted

I'll block their ass just like everyone else.

Don't be fucking with me during Candy Crush...

Posted

Is this the same thing that the Stupids are claiming will trigger the "chips" in our Covid vaccinations and enslave/murder us all?  Or is this a different deal?  I just wanna make sure I'm wearing something nice at 1:20-CDT either way. Because I have a thing at 2.  

Posted

Okay, so we're gonna work in "Biological Payload" onto the Surly sign for Gameday, right?  I mean, to not do so would be a miscarriage of 5G Justice.  

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Posted

these motherfuckers are wrapping their phones in tin foil but click on links from texts to confirm their shipping address to fake FedEx websites.

CDC and FEMA should do a series of fake tweets 

- for those of you with the 4G chips, you will be onboarded to camp site Delta.  Those with 5G chips will end up at Gamma 

Then delete it after an hour with a very flimsy excuse.  

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Posted
1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

Come on, sheepel!

LOOK!!!  A DOCTOR(!!!):

 

Let's start the rumor that the COVID shots were to protect people with some semblance of intelligence from the biological payloads that will go off from the shots everyone got as a child. 

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Posted (edited)

I’m cracking up at the crumpled tin foil “stealth Faraday cage.” As if the government is using 5G to scan the country, looking for the characteristic radar cross section of half a tuna sandwich. 

Edited by BrickHorn
Posted

i don't know if you've been on our planet for a reasonable amount of time, but there is overwhelming evidence indicating that tens of millions of Americans will do a bunch of crazy shit, but one thing they won't do is admit they've been duped.  They'll admit to domestic violence and lack of education proudly, long before they'll admit they've made a huge, huge mistake.  It's not how we're wired.  They'd rather double down and sink with the ship that ever have to say to a friend or family or colleague, "Hey, maybe that cell phone tower isn't going to make an alien pop out of my chest like that Sigourney Weaver movie.  and yeah, in hindsight beating that cop into the ICU with his own baton outside the U.S. Capitol wasn't my greatest moment but I just assumed if things went sideways after that, I could just move in with my second family in Haiti."  

So 1:20p-CDT on Wednesday?  I feel like we could do some funny performative art to fuck with the Stupids near the Texas Capitol.  signage?  Installation?  Theatrics?  What do you got?  

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Posted

I guess it's gonna override my current alert settings? I turned all of that shit off after getting alerts from places like El Paso. Sorry about your missing kid but I can't do anything about it 600 miles away at 2am.

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Posted

I too have a presentation at that timeframe.  I have turned off all alerts, but will set a vibrating alarm at 1320 hours-CDT.  Will glance down at my phone, place it back down, exhale, and take on a grimace expression.  I know exactly with whom to make eye contact as I shout, "As you can see from your mobile alerts, the civil war has begun.  Everyone get to your vehicles and load your weapons and open fire on anyone who look suspicious!"  I can probably, just for shits 'n giggles, get a half dozen murders done by end of lunch break without lifting a finger.  I honestly used to think getting people to kill themselves or one another was this really hard thing reserved for Satan himself.  Truth is once you notch your first one, it's just fucking gravy after that...

Posted (edited)
11 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

I too have a presentation at that timeframe.  I have turned off all alerts, but will set a vibrating alarm at 1320 hours-CDT.  Will glance down at my phone, place it back down, exhale, and take on a grimace expression.  I know exactly with whom to make eye contact as I shout, "As you can see from your mobile alerts, the civil war has begun.  Everyone get to your vehicles and load your weapons and open fire on anyone who look suspicious!"  I can probably, just for shits 'n giggles, get a half dozen murders done by end of lunch break without lifting a finger.  I honestly used to think getting people to kill themselves or one another was this really hard thing reserved for Satan himself.  Truth is once you notch your first one, it's just fucking gravy after that...

Wait, I thought it was gonna turn us into zombies?  I was gonna go downstairs at 4:01 and stagger around Congress avenue with my arms out, all old movie-zombie-like.

Edited by Brisketexan
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Posted
17 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Wait, I thought it was gonna turn us into zombies?  I was gonna go downstairs at 4:01 and stagger around Congress avenue with my arms out, all old movie-zombie-like.

How will we be able to distinguish you from all the homeless doing the same thing? 

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Deej said:

How will we be able to distinguish you from all the homeless doing the same thing? 

I'll be SLIGHTLY better dressed.  And there's a pretty good chance I won't have pissed myself yet that day.

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Posted
1 minute ago, Brisketexan said:

I'll be SLIGHTLY better dressed.  And there's a pretty good chance I won't have pissed myself yet that day.

Don't make promises you can't keep. 

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Posted
1 hour ago, HRSchenker said:

I guess it's gonna override my current alert settings? I turned all of that shit off after getting alerts from places like El Paso. Sorry about your missing kid but I can't do anything about it 600 miles away at 2am.

The Office Thank You GIF

1 hour ago, Scheiss Meister said:

I have some former co-workers who are all ate up with stuff like this.  I think I'll wait 30 minutes after the test, then forward the message in the test to them via text, then text them 10 minutes later telling them that the [name not to be mentioned here] government-in-exile hacked my phone and used it to forward the message to make sure that it got to everyone.  See where that goes.

Just send them the same nonsensical message every 5 minutes in the hour or half-hour run-up to this test, and then after the test, don't send anything.  If they text back, ask who they are.

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Posted
1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Wait, I thought it was gonna turn us into zombies?  I was gonna go downstairs at 4:01 and stagger around Congress avenue with my arms out, all old movie-zombie-like.

No that’s the last one. This is the one that’s going to program you to walk out to a largely undeveloped area called College Station to defecate on the grass of a college campus there and the dead dog graveyard. Well all be following your progress. Good luck and Godspeed.

Posted
5 minutes ago, UpperWestside said:

No that’s the last one. This is the one that’s going to program you to walk out to a largely undeveloped area called College Station to defecate on the grass of a college campus there and the dead dog graveyard. Well all be following your progress. Good luck and Godspeed.

Dogspeed

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Posted
1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Wait, I thought it was gonna turn us into zombies?  I was gonna go downstairs at 4:01 and stagger around Congress avenue with my arms out, all old movie-zombie-like.

The Lege already has that covered.

Posted

The number of phones at 1% battery about to vibrate in the Texas Capitol/AG's office could cause an earthquake.  And then yes, that one guy is going to have his good eye dragged through his shitty eye's socket to save money on the phone's extended warranty.  And we will laugh until we are very old men.  30% of this website thinks this is going to end us.  See y'all on the other side.

Posted
3 hours ago, HRSchenker said:

I guess it's gonna override my current alert settings? I turned all of that shit off after getting alerts from places like El Paso. Sorry about your missing kid but I can't do anything about it 600 miles away at 2am.

We need to swap phones somehow.

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Posted
8 hours ago, YGIFS said:

i don't know if you've been on our planet for a reasonable amount of time, but there is overwhelming evidence indicating that tens of millions of Americans will do a bunch of crazy shit, but one thing they won't do is admit they've been duped.  They'll admit to domestic violence and lack of education proudly, long before they'll admit they've made a huge, huge mistake.  It's not how we're wired.  They'd rather double down and sink with the ship that ever have to say to a friend or family or colleague, "Hey, maybe that cell phone tower isn't going to make an alien pop out of my chest like that Sigourney Weaver movie.  and yeah, in hindsight beating that cop into the ICU with his own baton outside the U.S. Capitol wasn't my greatest moment but I just assumed if things went sideways after that, I could just move in with my second family in Haiti."  

So 1:20p-CDT on Wednesday?  I feel like we could do some funny performative art to fuck with the Stupids near the Texas Capitol.  signage?  Installation?  Theatrics?  What do you got?  

Zombie flash mob

image.gif.c384a8f8edd415d0be57f4f601db042e.gif

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Posted
36 minutes ago, bolverk said:

So, wait, am I the only one that received the emergency broadcast thingy today?

Well, I've been told that only a select few will be chosen to survive the rapture.  Perhaps you made the list.  

Posted
1 hour ago, bolverk said:

So, wait, am I the only one that received the emergency broadcast thingy today?

Yeah. People with PRE-pay phones get notifications before anyone else. Get it? Get it?

 

 

I’ll let myself out now. 

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Posted

Well, it seems like everyone’s talking about transgender people. Also everyone’s talking about COVID-19. Everybody’s also talking about October 4. 

October 4 is the day that the nano bots from the COVID-19 vaccine will be activated and turn you into a transgender person. Everyone should go out and buy some stylish pumps and some sensible flats before the Surly Elite buy up everything in a day or two.

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Posted

There is a slight chance my qanon in-law is not paying attention - her dad changed her cell phone data plan so it's basically nothing, changed the wifi password in his house, and she doesn't like to go in public places for wifi. She's obsessed with learning to garden on a large scale, so that's what she spends her days doing.

I'm not going to say anything to her until like maybe 5 minutes before it happens, and then I'm going to start sending text messages like "NO TIME TO EXPLAIN GET IN YOUR CAR AND GET OUT IN THE COUNTRY NOW, YOU KNOW I WORK IN THE TECH INDUSTRY AND USED TO BE IN THE MILITARY AND HAVE CONTACTS" and "STAY AWAY FROM ANY CITY BIGGER THAN 5,000 PEOPLE" and "DO YOU HAVE WATER AND DRIED FOOD?" and if she calls me I'm going to scream those things at her.

My wife said if it gives her a heart attack or even just a panic attack and puts her in the hospital, I will have to explain to the kids what happened.

Season 11 Hbo GIF by Curb Your Enthusiasm

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Posted

In 30 minutes, it'll be October 4th in the U.S.  Wake Island to be specific.  Since every single person on the island (~200 inhabitants) was vaccinated by government mandate against Covid-19.  They will be among the first to explode.  Since we have just a short time left to live, I want to say it's been a honor serving alongside what may be the stupidest generation in American History.  We were given a glorious Republic to steward and protect, and now I have to watch publicly educated morons run through the streets claiming we are about to be turned into zombies.  And they'll have guns in case they are feeling like they were played as fools and want to act out.  What a time to be alive.  

This really used to be a great place to live.  But fuck it, let's help some stupids get dead or incarcerated. 

Posted

So the wife wants to go to Sam's Club today, I didn't even consider the possibility that we will see panic buying people in action.  I'll report back later, this ought be fun.   I'll also see if I can't mix in a Mexican alien theory into the conspiracy world's lexicon.  

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