Coach Sark Press Conference 10.16 - 11:00am LHN

[BigOrange1 6,437]

The bye week is over and Texas is poised to begin the second half of the season this Saturday in Houston.  3:00pm on Fox.

[Red Five 40,858]

yikes

[83Horn 1,641]

You look at Houston over there and it's just all about the tradition of Red Bull and vodka on the sidelines, and a racist fan boy named Daniel Figurelli losing his apprenticeship at PWC for being a racist POS and creating dummy message board accounts to send racist e-mails to 18 year old football recruits.

[Earl Haffler 591]

for those of you at home:

Two in the pink, one in the stink.
Checking her fever, with two in the beaver
Crimson: 2, Brown: 1.
Dos en el hueco, con uno en el seco.
Dos en el rosado, y uno en el morado.
Dos en la crica, con uno en la pica.
Dos en la hamaca, con uno en la caca.
Going to town, with one in the brown.
Phaser Finger
The Barracuda (Aus)
The Muckfish.
The Willy J Munchright (Named after a famous Australian)
Two at Yale, one at Brown.
Two in her rut, one in her butt.
Two in the 'ooh la la', one in the caca.
Two in the baby maker, one in the patty caker.
Two in the beav, with an ace up the sleeve.
Two in the beaver, one in the cleaver.
Two in the beaver, one where food leaves her.
Two in the bird, one in the turd.
Two in the blood, one in the mud.
Two in the boat, one in the moat.
Two in the bow, one in the stern.
Two in the buckle, one in the knuckle.
Two in the Bush, one in the Cheney.
Two in the bush, one in the tush.
Two in the byway, one in the hershey highway.
Two in the cake, one in the pudding.
Two in the camel toe, one in the anal hole.
Two in the cat, one in the shat.
Two in the cheese, one in the whiz.
Two in the chink, one in the sphinc.
Two in the chute, one in the glute.
Two in the clam, one in the SHAZAAM
Two in the clanker, one in the spanker.
Two in the cockpit, one where the jock sits.
Two in the coin slot, one in the balloon knot.
Two in the condom muncher, one in the donkey puncher.
Two in the coo, one in the poo.
Two in the coot, one in the boot.
Two in the coot, one in the chute.
Two in the cooter, one in the poop shooter.
Two in the cooter, one in the pooter.
Two in the cootie, one in the booty.
Two in the crack, one out back.
Two in the creamer, one in the steamer.
Two in the crown, one in the brown.
Two in the cummer, one in the bummer.
Two in the curtains, one in the hurtin's.
Two in the dream, one in the scream.
Two in the entertainer, one in the panty stainer.
Two in the fast lane, one past the shit stain.
Two in the flap, one out back.
Two in the flaps, one in the craps.
Two in the flower, one in the mud.
Two in the fowl, one in the bowel.
Two in the fucker, one in the cucker.
Two in the furry, one in the curry.
Two in the g-spot, one in the balloon knot
Two in the gap, one in the crap.
Two in the gash, one in the ass.
Two in the gine, one in the brown dime
Two in the gear, one in the rear.
Two in the go, one in the no.
Two in the goo, one in the poo.
Two in the good time, one up the shit line.
Two in the grass, one in the ass.
Two in the grassy knoll, one in the assy hole.
Two in the gum, one in the bum.
Two in the gyney, one in the hiney.
Two in the hair, one in the derriere.
Two in the hair pie, one in the brown eye.
Two in the ham, one in the God Damn!
Two in the heinous, one in the anus.
Two in the hole, one in the... other hole.
Two in the honey, one in the bunny.
Two in the hoo-ha, one in the booya!
Two in the hoo hoo, one in the poo poo.
Two in the hooty, one in the booty.
Two in the Hot Pocket, one in the shit socket.
Two in the hottie, one in the pottie.
Two in the hump, one in the dump.
Two in the I see what you did there, one in the loo.
Two in the jam, one in the ram.
Two in the jelly, one in the smelly.
Two in the juice, one in the caboose.
Two in the junk, one in the trunk.
Two in the kitty, one in the shitty.
Two in the lube, one in the tube.
Two in the main floor, one in the out door.
Two in the meat pie, one in the brown eye.
Two in the meat, one in the seat.
Two in the monkey, one in the chunky.
Two in the muenster, one in the bun, sir
Two in the muff, one in the rough.
Two in the mung, one in the bung.
Two in the num num, one in the bum bum.
Two in the O-range, one in the No-range.
Two in the one, one in the two.
Two in the paris, one in the hilton.
Two in the pee, one you can't see.
Two in the pee pee, one in the cheechee.
Two in the pie, one saying goodbye.
Two in the pink, one in the doo doo hole.
Two in the pink, one in the stink. (original, and most widely used)
Two in the pink, one in the stink, and the thumb twiddles the bean.
Two in the pink, sir, one in the sphincter
Two in the pipe, one in the can.
Two in the pookey, one in the dookie.
Two in the poon, one in the moon.
Two in the pumper, one in the dumper.
Two in the puss, one in the boot.
Two in the queefer, one in the reefer.
Two in the randy, one in the dandy.
Two in the roll, one in the hole.
Two in the saddle, one in the paddle.
Two in the sexit, one in the exit.
Two in the shock, one in the awe.
Two in the skank, one in the stank.
Two in the skunk, one in the trunk.
Two in the slime, one in the crime.
Two in the slit, one in the shit.
Two in the sludge, one in the fudge.
Two in the slut, one in the butt.
Two in the slutter, one in the poop cutter.
Two in the snail, one in the tail.
Two in the snatch, one up the hatch.
Two in the snapper, one in the crapper.
Two in the snapper, one in the starfish.
Two in the split, one where she shits.
Two in the squirt, one in the dirt.
Two in the super, one in the pooper.
Two in the taco, one in the guaco.
Two in the taint, one in the ain't.
Two in the tank, one in the bank.
Two in the tank, one up her crank.
Two in the tart, one in the fart.
Two in the thump, one in the rump.
Two in the tootsie, one in the roll.
Two in the trap, one in the crap.
Two in the treat, one in the seat.
Two in the track, one in the back.
Two in the twat, one in the brown spot.
Two in the valley, one up the alley.
Two in the whore, one in the backdoor.
Two in the winker, one in the sphincter.
Two in the winner, one in the dinner.
Two in the womb, one in the tomb.
Two inside a woman's vagina, one inside a woman's rectum (medical terminology)
Two near the clit, one in the shit.
Two near the tampon, one pops the fart bomb.
Two scoops of strawberry, one scoop of chocolate.
Two to consumate, one to constipate.
Two up the fly, one in the brown eye.
Two where it's foul, one in the bowel.
Two where it's hairy, one where it's scary.
Two where the cocks cum, one where she talks from.
Two where the meat goes, one where the heat blows.
Two where they're born, one where there's corn.
Two where she catches cocks, one in her fartbox.
Two where she hits it, one where she shits it.
Two where she humps, one where she dumps.
Two where she menstruates, one where she defecates.
Two where she peeces, one where she feces.
Two where she queefs, one underneath.
Two where she spits, one where she shits.
Two where you fark her, one where it's darker.
Two where you hump, one in the rump.
Two where you should, one where you could.
Two in the stern, one in the bow.
Two where it's moot, and one where she'll shoot.
Two in her vaginal opening, one where it needs soaping.
Two in the crumb, one in the bum.
Two in the sponge, and one where you plunge.
Two in the bake, and out comes the cake!
Two in the baby maker, one in the brownie baker.
Two in the Hootie, One in the Blowfish.

[Davis Lane 5,584]

Edited October 16, 2023 by Davis Lane

[Rimbo 25,935]

I'm ready.

[Rimbo 25,935]

49 minutes ago, Red Five said:

yikes

Yeah, seriously.

Aren't the commuter schools supposed to have the hotter babes? The killer single moms?

Or maybe I've just realized over time that the smarter chicks also happen to be hotter, too.

[Davis Lane 5,584]

10 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

I'm ready.

Maybe swap a square with "Sark late, again."

[Vertigo 20,285]

4 minutes ago, Davis Lane said:

Maybe swap a square with "Sark late, again."

Steve Sarkslateagain

[83Horn 1,641]

1 hour ago, BigOrange1 said:

The bye week is over and Texas is poised to begin the second half of the season this Saturday in Houston.  3:00pm on Fox.

 

1 hour ago, Red Five said:

yikes

C'mon, they may not be TCU level, but they're not all bad.  Picture one, left; absolutely; Picture two, very probably; Picture three, maybe; Picture four, left, yes; Picture five, front left; Hell Yeah...not because she's all that hot, but she does remind me a lot of so many of the Bangkok bar girls I've flirted with in my misspent youth.

[Wilcox Cummingtonite 2,948]

24 minutes ago, Davis Lane said:

Maybe swap a square with "Sark late, again."

Stuck in the elevator again

[Josef Pwag 1,738]

Majors is practicing?!?

[Js1 85,337]

21 minutes ago, Josef Pwag said:

Majors is practicing?!?

The surly internet doctors said he was done though! 

[Red Five 40,858]

4 minutes ago, Js1 said:

The surly internet doctors said he was done though! 

For the year? Sounds like I missed a really dumb argument somewhere.

 

Edited October 16, 2023 by Red Five
website fuckery

[BigOrange1 6,437]

anyone find/hear anything about kickoff times for next week?  we usually have those by now unless they do the 6 day window.

[Nicole44 22,060]

The presser time is the same each Monday. Like how hard is it to be on time? 
 

 

[Rimbo 25,935]

1 hour ago, 83Horn said:

 

C'mon, they may not be TCU level, but they're not all bad.  Picture one, left; absolutely; Picture two, very probably; Picture three, maybe; Picture four, left, yes; Picture five, front left; Hell Yeah...not because she's all that hot, but she does remind me a lot of so many of the Bangkok bar girls I've flirted with in my misspent youth.

You have lower standards than I do.

And for a cheer squad? This ain't a cheer squad; it's an animal shelter.

[tejas60 3,533]

1 hour ago, 83Horn said:

 Picture five, front left; Hell Yeah...not because she's all that hot, but she does remind me a lot of so many of the Bangkok bar girls I've flirted with in my misspent youth.

you benny boy fucking sonofabitch!

[YGIFS 19,450]

24 minutes ago, BigOrange1 said:

anyone find/hear anything about kickoff times for next week?  we usually have those by now unless they do the 6 day window.

Looks like a 6-day selection.  But they usually list that by noon on myriad sites by noting the alternative window.  Could just be a delay in getting their shit out correctly.  But if it’s still TBA/TBD at 2p-CDT, we’re waiting until Sunday morning.  Which is tough for BYI girls and me.  We gotta make soaking plans. 

[Nicole44 22,060]

 

[Skipper 6,135]

25 minutes ago, BigOrange1 said:

anyone find/hear anything about kickoff times for next week?  we usually have those by now unless they do the 6 day window.

I'm betting that means the 6 day window.  Which is odd, because looking at list of games that week, I'm not sure what matchups possibly move the needle based on game outcomes.  It's clear Texas and OU are picks 1 and 2.   The other matchup won't draw a meaningful audience. 

[83Horn 1,641]

12 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

You have lower standards than I do.

And for a cheer squad? This ain't a cheer squad; it's an animal shelter.

Yeah, perhaps.  I am guessing that I'm probably older than you, too.  I find that I am more willing to overlook things as I get older.

[YGIFS 19,450]

7 minutes ago, Skipper said:

I'm betting that means the 6 day window.  Which is odd, because looking at list of games that week, I'm not sure what matchups possibly move the needle based on game outcomes.  It's clear Texas and OU are picks 1 and 2.   The other matchup won't draw a meaningful audience. 

This.  Although OK-State @ WVU & TCU @ KSU suddenly have some top-half conference ramifications again.  I guess it's all waiting on them.  I used to be able to clock this pretty good but with 14 teams and 6-7 games per week again, it's hard to gauge.  But you get 2 6-day draws, may as well use 'em.  But as you say, week of the 28th, really the only two big eyeball draws are OKL @ KAN, and BYU @ TEX.  Everything else can fold into FS1/FS2 or ESPNU/+ easily.  Maybe BAY/ISU as a distant third draw, but everything else is bottom half play with little name recognition, even by our league's standards.  Nov. 4th has far more high stakes games and were I a TV exec, I'd hold out to see how to line that week up until the Sunday before.  IIRC, they can't use it two weeks in a row so that also means the 11th or 18th weekend in November will have the trigger as well.  As the T-day weekend is usually kept off limits for 6-day for travel purposes and Senior Day celebrations and all that shit.  

[Rimbo 25,935]

6 minutes ago, 83Horn said:

Yeah, perhaps.  I am guessing that I'm probably older than you, too.  I find that I am more willing to overlook things as I get older.

Oh, I don't know about you being older than I am. I'm definitely more willing to let things slide now than I did when I was in my 40s and younger.

I just feel like... at this age... they should be... I dunno, better? This is prime age for most women. These women will never look better than they do now. And this is all they got.

🤷

[mwaadeeb 1,210]

6 minutes ago, 83Horn said:

Yeah, perhaps.  I am guessing that I'm probably older than you, too.  I find that I am more willing to overlook things as I get older.

With experience and imagination you realize there are ways around most anything.

[fellside 1,114]

Didn't FCB say Majors would be out until the last week of the season?

He practiced today?

[Nicole44 22,060]

1 minute ago, fellside said:

Didn't FCB say Majors would be out until the last week of the season?

He practiced today?

Gotta go with what Sark said:

 

[ztejas 43,448]

5 minutes ago, fellside said:

Didn't FCB say Majors would be out until the last week of the season?

He practiced today?

Yes. I'm almost certain he said it would be weeks or months. 

It isn't even a joke at this point - you can literally assume the opposite of whatever FCB reports and bat probably .700, .750.

[Professor Chesney 497]

Any word on Kris Ross?  It didn’t show on the stat sheet due to some questionable holding non-calls, but he was looking pretty disruptive at the edge spot before the injury.

[BigOrange1 6,437]

32 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

Looks like a 6-day selection.  But they usually list that by noon on myriad sites by noting the alternative window.  Could just be a delay in getting their shit out correctly.  But if it’s still TBA/TBD at 2p-CDT, we’re waiting until Sunday morning.  Which is tough for BYI girls and me.  We gotta make soaking plans. 

 

28 minutes ago, Skipper said:

I'm betting that means the 6 day window.  Which is odd, because looking at list of games that week, I'm not sure what matchups possibly move the needle based on game outcomes.  It's clear Texas and OU are picks 1 and 2.   The other matchup won't draw a meaningful audience. 

 

15 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

This.  Although OK-State @ WVU & TCU @ KSU suddenly have some top-half conference ramifications again.  I guess it's all waiting on them.  I used to be able to clock this pretty good but with 14 teams and 6-7 games per week again, it's hard to gauge.  But you get 2 6-day draws, may as well use 'em.  But as you say, week of the 28th, really the only two big eyeball draws are OKL @ KAN, and BYU @ TEX.  Everything else can fold into FS1/FS2 or ESPNU/+ easily.  Maybe BAY/ISU as a distant third draw, but everything else is bottom half play with little name recognition, even by our league's standards.  Nov. 4th has far more high stakes games and were I a TV exec, I'd hold out to see how to line that week up until the Sunday before.  IIRC, they can't use it two weeks in a row so that also means the 11th or 18th weekend in November will have the trigger as well.  As the T-day weekend is usually kept off limits for 6-day for travel purposes and Senior Day celebrations and all that shit.  

looks like they were just late this week:

 

[Steamboat1874 4,063]

1 hour ago, Wilcox Cummingtonite said:

Stuck in the elevator again

Actually it is because of practice.

[BigOrange1 6,437]

yeah i am more than ok with him running late due to practice.  plus, by this point, we all know it's likely to be a 11:15-11:30 start time.

[Wilcox Cummingtonite 2,948]

2 hours ago, Steamboat1874 said:

Actually it is because of practice.

 

3 minutes ago, BigOrange1 said:

yeah i am more than ok with him running late due to practice.  plus, by this point, we all know it's likely to be a 11:15-11:30 start time.

Was harkening back to FUPM pressers. Not a Sark hater at all.

[LTtxfan 49,187]

 

 

 

 

[LTtxfan 49,187]

Steve Sarkisian Press Conference [Oct. 16, 2023]

[ATXbronco 4,065]

3 hours ago, LTtxfan said:

 

Looks like Sarah Walker from Chuck

[ousux 5,597]

Looks like Sarah Walker from Chuck

Top girl is Maureen Ponderosa from It's always sunny
https://images.app.goo.gl/ArPZE6s6L3wLA13W6

[Park Gothic 5,038]

1 hour ago, ousux said:

Top girl is Maureen Ponderosa from It's always sunny
https://images.app.goo.gl/ArPZE6s6L3wLA13W6

[YGIFS 19,450]

Does her Ponderosa have an "all-you-can-eat" policy as well?  'Cause I'm in...

[Herpa Derpa 6,126]

How do you feel about cats?

[Davis Lane 5,584]

21 hours ago, ATXbronco said:

Looks like Sarah Walker from Chuck

yum.