Official 2023 bitch about your family @ the Holidays thread

[freyguy 4264]

It's amazing how you can slave over prepping a cook, then the smoker, slicing, serving, etc etc.  Then when it's time to process all the dirty dishes for 14 folks...none of the in-laws will lift a finger to help...I'm about to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes. 

[nnm 36353]

 

[Mitch Cumsteen 18547]

Thanksgiving was really laid back and nice. Just my immediate family plus the only high functioning member of my wife's family and his wife and kids. My wife still has her sister and her other brother blocked on her phone. We are all supposed to get together at the family ranch for Christmas plus about 15 other random family members. It's going to be an epic alcohol fueled shit show. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21875]

My maga QAnon sister texted us yesterday that she was sick so they wouldn’t be coming to the ranch today.  We had a great Thanksgiving with absolutely nothing to add to this thread.

[Buzzrock 14903]

I walked in and turned off the Fox News at 100 decibels and from then on everything was great.

[pearlandhorn 3269]

1 hour ago, freyguy said:

It's amazing how you can slave over prepping a cook, then the smoker, slicing, serving, etc etc.  Then when it's time to process all the dirty dishes for 14 folks...none of the in-laws will lift a finger to help...I'm about to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes. 

We hosted thanksgiving for 7 others this year. I told my wife we’re doing paper plates. I ain’t messing with 9 sets of our good dishes.

Easiest cleanup ever.

[Laxtonto 12078]

It was the wife and the the little laxtontos this year plus three of the doc students that didn't have a place to go. My Persian students both brought wine and gave me a hard time for eating so early (4:30 pm).  Overall, a simple and drama-free Thanksgiving.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9323]

Straight into my veins time. Cheers all

[Longboard Horn 40296]

Thanksgiving lunch from a coworkers place. 

[tx 3 putt 76873]

I suggested we needed an extra pie. We didn’t need an extra pie. I have to live with that shame for a year 

Edited November 24, 2023 by tx 3 putt

[SHOOTER12 8800]

5 hours ago, G650 said:

 

As the keeper of the flame in my family of the mashed potatoes recipe since my grandpap passed 20 years ago, this offends me greatly

Here also.

The kiss of death was letting the potatoes get cold,(and dry) and should have been scrapped right there and started over.

[Sandman 3403]

Went to my MIL's for dinner. My sister-in-law's fiance had been trying to get ahold of his mom all day. She lives alone, a few states away from any of her children. He and his brother decided to call the cops to do a welfare check. He got the call as we were sitting at the table, they found her dead on the couch. He and his son are driving up tomorrow. Fucking hell.

 

[Pato del Muerto 52487]

5 hours ago, G650 said:

 

As the keeper of the flame in my family of the mashed potatoes recipe since my grandpap passed 20 years ago, this offends me greatly

So I like making the mashed. Last year, we were to arrive right at eating time so I had to make the potatoes at home and travel an hour in the car. Something happens with the dairy fats in there when it cools down, plus some water evaporation to the lid and condensing and dripping down like an unintentional distillation.  
 

reheating in the oven helped but it still wasn’t great. Very upsetting.  

[CycleTex87 2967]

4 hours ago, Sandman said:

Went to my MIL's for dinner. My sister-in-law's fiance had been trying to get ahold of his mom all day. She lives alone, a few states away from any of her children. He and his brother decided to call the cops to do a welfare check. He got the call as we were sitting at the table, they found her dead on the couch. He and his son are driving up tomorrow. Fucking hell.

 

Not sure any of the reaction emojis are appropriate for this. That sucks.  Sorry you guys had this experience for Thanksgiving and T’s & P’s for the lady and her family. 

[deter 314]

23 hours ago, deter said:

The 'Rusty' of texags radio showed up unexpectedly last with his wife and girls. Nice to be the beneficiary of other's insanity. Gonna be a great Thanksgiving. Peace out.

Great food and then watched the Boys kick butt while in the hot tub with good wife and two beautiful grands. Peace. 

[Longboard Horn 40296]

9 hours ago, Sandman said:

Went to my MIL's for dinner. My sister-in-law's fiance had been trying to get ahold of his mom all day. She lives alone, a few states away from any of her children. He and his brother decided to call the cops to do a welfare check. He got the call as we were sitting at the table, they found her dead on the couch. He and his son are driving up tomorrow. Fucking hell.

 

That's horrible news. Sorry to hear that Sandman. 

[nnm 36353]

8 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So I like making the mashed.

I, too, enjoy making the mashed. 

[GhostOfTomJoad 9323]

Decent breakfast tacos have been consumed with a slice of pie for early morning dessert. Waiting for this Kerrville fog to burn off so we can head back to Austin.

[Guest]

14 hours ago, freyguy said:

It's amazing how you can slave over prepping a cook, then the smoker, slicing, serving, etc etc.  Then when it's time to process all the dirty dishes for 14 folks...none of the in-laws will lift a finger to help...I'm about to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes. 

That's my go-to for relieving my conscience for all of the hard work the hosts have done, because it's not just the meal, but also the house, the yard, etc, etc.

But y'all ain't gonna find shit in the right place for weeks.😁

[Longboard Horn 40296]

[Celery Man 20933]

15 hours ago, freyguy said:

It's amazing how you can slave over prepping a cook, then the smoker, slicing, serving, etc etc.  Then when it's time to process all the dirty dishes for 14 folks...none of the in-laws will lift a finger to help...I'm about to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes. 

we moved 1000 miles away from the in-laws so we're all good there now but more irritating than the "nobody helps clean" thing for me is the in-law family practice of placing all of the dirty dishes in the sink. Just fucking stacking them up in there. Which I know is commonplace but mufucker I need to use the sink to clean up this mess, don't fill it up with dishes. Stack them next to the sink, I'm scraping them off and putting them in the dishwasher.

[BearSchlong 8083]

Aren't you in NC now?

Taking the fam out for dinner in Pinehurst tonight.

[Longhornstampede 3181]

21 hours ago, G650 said:

 

As the keeper of the flame in my family of the mashed potatoes recipe since my grandpap passed 20 years ago, this offends me greatly

Just so you know, guarantee that one of your siblings is concocting up their own batch of spite potatoes for next year! 

[G650 14244]

26 minutes ago, Longhornstampede said:

Just so you know, guarantee that one of your siblings is concocting up their own batch of spite potatoes for next year! 

Fortunately we have a potato cartel that has locked down the market. My aunt does the sweet potato casserole, and we have an agreement in place to set aside a swap off market. Also for some reason I've forgotten my cousin has a minimum quota she has to take of the potatoes. I want to say she scooped out like a quarter of the dish on her plate one year, and I sat across from her at the table and made her eat all of them, now she isn't allowed to pass on them and has to finish what she takes.

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, G650 said:

Fortunately we have a potato cartel that has locked down the market. My aunt does the sweet potato casserole, and we have an agreement in place to set aside a swap off market. Also for some reason I've forgotten my cousin has a minimum quota she has to take of the potatoes. I want to say she scooped out like a quarter of the dish on her plate one year, and I sat across from her at the table and made her eat all of them, now she isn't allowed to pass on them and has to finish what she takes.

This reminds me of one year when 2 (bratty) cousins who were younger than our boys, who were probably 15 and 10 at the time; went through the line and scraped off and took virtually ALL of the marshmallows on top of the sweet potatoes.  Our boys just looked at their mom and then at me, "Well aren't you going to kill their asses, like you would us?"

It was unbelievable and their mom( my wife's cousin) is just going along with it never saying no or anything. I just winked at the boys, " Hey, can't fix it now; but we'll make a pan at home with extra marshmallows."  They were still pissed and simultaneously disgusted that anyone in the line would pull that shit.  Your adult situation immediately took me there.  I couldn't stare down the kid cousins, or their enabling mom would have lost her shit; but yeah, no hogging shit in the Thanksgiving buffet line, assholes.

Edited November 24, 2023 by slorch

[MissingInAction 25014]

I stabbed my cousin in the hand with my fork when he tried to take half the pan of dressing. This was in the 80s and no one batted an eye. 

[G650 14244]

Just now, MissingInAction said:

I stabbed my cousin in the hand with my fork when he tried to take half the pan of dressing. This was in the 80s and no one batted an eye. 

As you should have

[Guest]

1 minute ago, MissingInAction said:

I stabbed my cousin in the hand with my fork when he tried to take half the pan of dressing. This was in the 80s and no one batted an eye. 

That is so fucking perfect.

[Celery Man 20933]

4 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Aren't you in NC now?

Taking the fam out for dinner in Pinehurst tonight.

Yep, Wake Forest which is a suburb of Raleigh and no longer home to the college. We usually come to Austin for Thanksgiving but the wife is 9 months pregnant so it was just the 3.5 of us this time.

[BearSchlong 8083]

Yep, Wake Forest which is a suburb of Raleigh and no longer home to the college. We usually come to Austin for Thanksgiving but the wife is 9 months pregnant so it was just the 3.5 of us this time.

Cool so she can babysit while we go to the US Open right? My son will be deployed but my DIL can drop us off/pick up.

Seriously, congratulations!

[Biff Tannen 45665]

Teaching the nieces/nephews how to play Texas Hold 'Em this year.  Obviously not for money, so youngest niece keeps going around and refilling everyone's bank with chips randomly. FIL can't help himself and yells out "Oh, just like Biden and the inflation reduction act!  That'll work out great!"  We all just ignored him.

[Biff Tannen 45665]

2 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

I stabbed my cousin in the hand with my fork when he tried to take half the pan of dressing. This was in the 80s and no one batted an eye. 

[Js1 85289]

10 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

Teaching the nieces/nephews how to play Texas Hold 'Em this year.  Obviously not for money, so youngest niece keeps going around and refilling everyone's bank with chips randomly. FIL can't help himself and yells out "Oh, just like Biden and the inflation reduction act!  That'll work out great!"  We all just ignored him.

Should have clarified it was more akin to a 2020 stimulus check

[ABSR 5308]

1 hour ago, Js1 said:

Should have clarified it was more akin to a 2020 stimulus check

Not if she was giving it to everyone.

[ocugolf 1214]

My green chili pecan pie slammed too hard. MIL went to the basement and refused to come up. Now the wife is mad that I made it because now her mom is crushed. 
 

While this was going on, my wife’s cousin (who runs a sustainability program for a major state organization in a state not touching Texas) got frustrated at my wife’s MAGA uncle for not recycling his Busch Light, which has devolved into a full on war on both sides of our political spectrum. Highlight of the evening was someone chirping that If Trump is president again, the Aunt is moving out of the country. In which, MAGA uncle said “well you should have moved out 8 years ago then”. It went downhill.

[PenelopeWitherspoon 19100]

1 hour ago, ocugolf said:

My green chili pecan pie slammed too hard. MIL went to the basement and refused to come up. Now the wife is mad that I made it because now her mom is crushed. 
 

While this was going on, my wife’s cousin (who runs a sustainability program for a major state organization in a state not touching Texas) got frustrated at my wife’s MAGA uncle for not recycling his Busch Light, which has devolved into a full on war on both sides of our political spectrum. Highlight of the evening was someone chirping that If Trump is president again, the Aunt is moving out of the country. In which, MAGA uncle said “well you should have moved out 8 years ago then”. It went downhill.

And @ocugolf has won the Thanksgiving edition of this thread.  I am disappointed in the rest of us. We did not being our A-game.  

[Gil Bang 25921]

when you mention recycling  Busch Light, you're talking about the cans/bottles, not the actual beer, right? 

 

(I hope I'm right).

[UpperWestside 6161]

I live 1500 miles from the nearest family member. I called my mom on Thanksgiving and talked to her and my 19 month old nephew and 4 year old niece. That was all the family I needed to talk to. Probably get my mom up here for a couple of weeks next month and again that’ll be enough of my family. My mom can come whenever she wants and it’s always a great time when she is here visiting. 
 

[Guest]

10 hours ago, ocugolf said:

My green chili pecan pie slammed too hard. MIL went to the basement and refused to come up. Now the wife is mad that I made it because now her mom is crushed. 
 

While this was going on, my wife’s cousin (who runs a sustainability program for a major state organization in a state not touching Texas) got frustrated at my wife’s MAGA uncle for not recycling his Busch Light, which has devolved into a full on war on both sides of our political spectrum. Highlight of the evening was someone chirping that If Trump is president again, the Aunt is moving out of the country. In which, MAGA uncle said “well you should have moved out 8 years ago then”. It went downhill.

so you shamed your MIL with pie?

Even if unintentional, that is magnificent.

My MIL, RIP, would have been like, "Bring that shit next year too.  That's one less pie I have to make."

[BearSchlong 8083]

[mention=1783]ocugolf[/mention] is MAGA uncle the one that connects y'all to the cousin that used to filter TFG’s social media?

When I went to bed last night, my wife, DIL, and daughter were shooting tequila and singing Alanis Morisette at the top of their lungs. Went downstairs to get a cup of coffee this morning and the kitchen looks like a war zone. But nothing approaching the damage I did when I was 23.

I'm grateful they all have fantastic singing voices though.

Last hurrah before deployment, which is looming on the horizon.

I want to move to Pinehurst.

[ocugolf 1214]

2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

[mention=1783]ocugolf[/mention] is MAGA uncle the one that connects y'all to the cousin that used to filter TFG’s social media?

When I went to bed last night, my wife, DIL, and daughter were shooting tequila and singing Alanis Morisette at the top of their lungs. Went downstairs to get a cup of coffee this morning and the kitchen looks like a war zone. But nothing approaching the damage I did when I was 23.

I'm grateful they all have fantastic singing voices though.

Last hurrah before deployment, which is looming on the horizon.

I want to move to Pinehurst.

Different side of the family. Unfortunately, the former and current president’s have adamant supporters on both mine and my wife’s side. I guess that’s what makes this thread tick.

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

At the in-laws for Thanksgiving. Cunt Dog has been quarantined upstairs, but FIL has already said aloud “I sure hope Cunt Dog is doing ok by himself up there”.

Failure to Launch stoner BIL just got his thumb in half trying to cut a frozen ear of corn (making seafood boil) with a dull knife. Currently debating whether he needs stitches or not. Blood all over the kitchen.

[AUS-97HORN 11757]

5 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Failure to Launch stoner BIL just got his thumb in half trying to cut a frozen ear of corn (making seafood boil) with a dull knife. Currently debating whether he needs stitches or not. Blood all over the kitchen.

pretty fucking sure they are needed.  

I did something similar when a potato rolled on me when I was cutting it for the mashed potatoes on the wed before Turkey day  cut the fleshy tip of my ring finger 3/4 of the way off. 

90 mins in the 1990s equivalent of urgent care, 5 stitches later... and was fine in a week, although I do still have the scar. 

[MissingInAction 25014]

I've just read ten reasons to have Thanksgiving at Lubys.

[Humpy 112]

Just grab a boneing knife cut it off.

[ocugolf 1214]

5 hours ago, slorch said:

so you shamed your MIL with pie?

Even if unintentional, that is magnificent.

My MIL, RIP, would have been like, "Bring that shit next year too.  That's one less pie I have to make."

Well to her, I ruined thanksgiving by bringing a dessert that upstaged her average pecan pie. Since she tossed the awesome dessert in the trash i during her  hissy fit, I decided to go full petty and make a pecan pie that is infinitely better than hers for dinner the next day. Just to stir the pot. 
 

The green chili pecan pie was a hit and was finished. Her pecan pie was about 1/2 eaten. She wouldn’t talk to me after. Consider this a victory. 

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

pretty fucking sure they are needed.  
I did something similar when a potato rolled on me when I was cutting it for the mashed potatoes on the wed before Turkey day  cut the fleshy tip of my ring finger 3/4 of the way off. 
90 mins in the 1990s equivalent of urgent care, 5 stitches later... and was fine in a week, although I do still have the scar. 

He locked himself in his room and is refusing any further treatment. Keep in mind his idea of medical intervention begins and ends with bong rips.

I don’t really give a shit besides it’s now on me to conduct the fish fry/seafood boil. Which I’m fine with, but it cramps the football viewing

[Biff Tannen 45665]

1 hour ago, B1G said:

Just grab a boneing knife cut it off.

[Biff Tannen 45665]

32 minutes ago, ocugolf said:

Well to her, I ruined thanksgiving by bringing a dessert that upstaged her average pecan pie. Since she tossed the awesome dessert in the trash i during her  hissy fit, I decided to go full petty and make a pecan pie that is infinitely better than hers for dinner the next day. Just to stir the pot. 
 

The green chili pecan pie was a hit and was finished. Her pecan pie was about 1/2 eaten. She wouldn’t talk to me after. Consider this a victory. 

The Pie Wars are upon us.

[AUS-97HORN 11757]

41 minutes ago, ocugolf said:

Well to her, I ruined thanksgiving by bringing a dessert that upstaged her average pecan pie. Since she tossed the awesome dessert in the trash i during her  hissy fit, I decided to go full petty and make a pecan pie that is infinitely better than hers for dinner the next day. Just to stir the pot. 
 

The green chili pecan pie was a hit and was finished. Her pecan pie was about 1/2 eaten. She wouldn’t talk to me after. Consider this a victory. 

 

9 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

The Pie Wars are upon us.

 

kinda reminds me of this moment from Bill & Ted