Official 2023 bitch about your family @ the Holidays thread

[statsman 5450]

4 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

He locked himself in his room and is refusing any further treatment. Keep in mind his idea of medical intervention begins and ends with bong rips.

I don’t really give a shit besides it’s now on me to conduct the fish fry/seafood boil. Which I’m fine with, but it cramps the football viewing

When I got the Wusthofs, 15 years ago, I cut myself good a couple of times. Too ashamed to show, I wrapped big bandaids as tight as I could and left them for a couple of days. Took them off and they had just started to knit enough for a regular bandaid. 
 
(I’m pretty sure the proper thing was to go to the quack shack and get a few stitches). 
 
Is his worse?

[Gil Bang 25915]

9 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

[mention=1783]ocugolf[/mention] is MAGA uncle the one that connects y'all to the cousin that used to filter TFG’s social media?

When I went to bed last night, my wife, DIL, and daughter were shooting tequila and singing Alanis Morisette at the top of their lungs. Went downstairs to get a cup of coffee this morning and the kitchen looks like a war zone. But nothing approaching the damage I did when I was 23.

I'm grateful they all have fantastic singing voices though.

Last hurrah before deployment, which is looming on the horizon.

I want to move to Pinehurst.

isn't it ironic?

[Post Oak 20208]

14 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

isn't it ironic?

I'll allow it

[NeverMarryAStripper 21872]

When did being able to make decent mashed potatoes become some kind of culinary achievement?  Isn’t that just a step up from being asked to bring the paper plates or canned drinks?

[ocugolf 1214]

On 11/20/2023 at 6:28 PM, BearSchlong said:

Plus, grandma’s eldest son just got released from maximum security federal prison in Florence Colorado. Maybe it’s his turn to see her for the holidays

I didnt know people got out of the maximum security prisons in Florence. Must have been a bad dude back in the day.

[Al_4_ISU 12451]

When I got the Wusthofs, 15 years ago, I cut myself good a couple of times. Too ashamed to show, I wrapped big bandaids as tight as I could and left them for a couple of days. Took them off and they had just started to knit enough for a regular bandaid. 
 
(I’m pretty sure the proper thing was to go to the quack shack and get a few stitches). 
 
Is his worse?

His wasn’t that bad. He just refused to let anyone actually look at it for a good hour

[Royalfan5 2353]

Nephews team took care business in the snow. (Helped that both teams ran the single wing and there were about 5 passes the whole game to move things along) the drive back sucked in white out conditions though. 

[BearSchlong 8083]

I didnt know people got out of the maximum security prisons in Florence. Must have been a bad dude back in the day.

Supermax is where the bombers/cereal killers go.

[MissingInAction 25010]

10 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

When did being able to make decent mashed potatoes become some kind of culinary achievement?  Isn’t that just a step up from being asked to bring the paper plates or canned drinks?

Yes. One must be batshit stupid to fuck up mashed potatoes.

Edited November 26, 2023 by MissingInAction

[swonie 71]

We hosted thanksgiving for 7 others this year. I told my wife we’re doing paper plates. I ain’t messing with 9 sets of our good dishes.
Easiest cleanup ever.

We always host and get Costco sets of the nicer plastic disposable plates. The only issue is they have to take them out of the dishwasher to put them in the recycle bin after my MIL tries to reuse them. If that’s the biggest issue I’m a lucky man

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

no deviled eggs of any kind.  Bunch of good fir nuttin heathens.  

[luke duke 6412]

Yes. One must be batshit stupid to fuck up mashed potatoes.

My MIL made boxed mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving a few years ago. I’ve done them ever since.

[dcbc 14465]

On 11/24/2023 at 4:19 PM, MissingInAction said:

I stabbed my cousin in the hand with my fork when he tried to take half the pan of dressing. This was in the 80s and no one batted an eye. 

Okay, I have a story for another thread (or possibly in another thread) about how my older half-brother (RIP) did this to his older brother at the dinner table for trying to take his steak off his plate after he'd already consumed his own.  I'll have to see if that, in fact, is posted somewhere.  But well done.

[Biff Tannen 45665]

5 minutes ago, dcbc said:

Okay, I have a story for another thread (or possibly in another thread) about how my older half-brother (RIP) did this to his older brother at the dinner table for trying to take his steak off his plate after he'd already consumed his own.  I'll have to see if that, in fact, is posted somewhere.  But well done.

[dcbc 14465]

On 11/25/2023 at 1:37 PM, AUS-97HORN said:

pretty fucking sure they are needed.  

I did something similar when a potato rolled on me when I was cutting it for the mashed potatoes on the wed before Turkey day  cut the fleshy tip of my ring finger 3/4 of the way off. 

90 mins in the 1990s equivalent of urgent care, 5 stitches later... and was fine in a week, although I do still have the scar. 

I scalloped my finger once while slicing sausage with my new Dexter slicer.  Nothing booze, paper towels and some next day bandaging couldn't fix.  I learned a valuable lesson though.

[dcbc 14465]

On 11/25/2023 at 2:19 PM, ocugolf said:

Well to her, I ruined thanksgiving by bringing a dessert that upstaged her average pecan pie. Since she tossed the awesome dessert in the trash i during her  hissy fit, I decided to go full petty and make a pecan pie that is infinitely better than hers for dinner the next day. Just to stir the pot. 
 

The green chili pecan pie was a hit and was finished. Her pecan pie was about 1/2 eaten. She wouldn’t talk to me after. Consider this a victory. 

Recipe for her your pecan pie?

[Longhornstampede 3181]

Will 2023 go down as the year of spite dishes? 

[nnm 36348]

On 11/25/2023 at 2:19 PM, ocugolf said:

Well to her, I ruined thanksgiving by bringing a dessert that upstaged her average pecan pie. Since she tossed the awesome dessert in the trash i during her  hissy fit, I decided to go full petty and make a pecan pie that is infinitely better than hers for dinner the next day. Just to stir the pot. 
 

The green chili pecan pie was a hit and was finished. Her pecan pie was about 1/2 eaten. She wouldn’t talk to me after. Consider this a victory. 

Gonna need that green chile pecan pie recipe ….

[Sbbruin 21829]

On 11/24/2023 at 1:59 PM, slorch said:

This reminds me of one year when 2 (bratty) cousins who were younger than our boys, who were probably 15 and 10 at the time; went through the line and scraped off and took virtually ALL of the marshmallows on top of the sweet potatoes.  Our boys just looked at their mom and then at me, "Well aren't you going to kill their asses, like you would us?"

It was unbelievable and their mom( my wife's cousin) is just going along with it never saying no or anything. I just winked at the boys, " Hey, can't fix it now; but we'll make a pan at home with extra marshmallows."  They were still pissed and simultaneously disgusted that anyone in the line would pull that shit.  Your adult situation immediately took me there.  I couldn't stare down the kid cousins, or their enabling mom would have lost her shit; but yeah, no hogging shit in the Thanksgiving buffet line, assholes.

We always used to do Christmas Eve at my grandparents, and it was always a traditional Thanksgiving style meal.  The youngest kids always had to wait to serve themselves buffet style, and the stuffing, which was magnificent, was always gone by the time I got there.  It was always my older cousins who would just hog it all.  And they'd just laugh at us youngsters.  Pissed me off to no end. 

[Guest]

Not judging, but if there aren't 2 pans of stuffing to ensure leftovers, then someone undershot it...😁

[luke duke 6412]

We always used to do Christmas Eve at my grandparents, and it was always a traditional Thanksgiving style meal.  The youngest kids always had to wait to serve themselves buffet style, and the stuffing, which was magnificent, was always gone by the time I got there.  It was always my older cousins who would just hog it all.  And they'd just laugh at us youngsters.  Pissed me off to no end. 

Your grandmother didn’t like you.

[Frank Drebin 5655]

On 11/25/2023 at 7:08 PM, statsman said:

When I got the Wusthofs, 15 years ago, I cut myself good a couple of times. Too ashamed to show, I wrapped big bandaids as tight as I could and left them for a couple of days. Took them off and they had just started to knit enough for a regular bandaid. 
 
(I’m pretty sure the proper thing was to go to the quack shack and get a few stitches). 
 
Is his worse?

Super glue is fantastic for bad knife cuts.

[nnm 36348]

10 minutes ago, Frank Drebin said:

Super glue is fantastic for bad knife cuts.

Stings like a mofo though. 

[Sbbruin 21829]

On 11/25/2023 at 6:49 PM, Al_4_ISU said:

His wasn’t that bad. He just refused to let anyone actually look at it for a good hour

[Sbbruin 21829]

40 minutes ago, luke duke said:

Your grandmother didn’t like you.

She was a woman of routine.  She made the same amount every year.  And by the time we got to it, all of the adults were seated and drinking heavily.  That couldn't give 2 shits about our plight.  They'd have just told us to double up on mashed taters.  

[Covri 6244]

1 hour ago, Sbbruin said:

She was a woman of routine.  She made the same amount every year.  And by the time we got to it, all of the adults were seated and drinking heavily.  That couldn't give 2 shits about our plight.  They'd have just told us to double up on mashed taters.  

Shitty kids/parents. My only thing I interject at extended family meals is that kids/anyone doesn't get to load up on a couple items. Some parents don't think they have to tell their kids that. Never really had to tell adults that though. My nephews once took huge plates of chicken tenders and bacon from a big family brunch causing it to run out before everyone had been through the line and ever since I've told them to knock it off when I see it happening.  Yes we all like bacon, no you can't start with 8-10 strips.

[Longboard Horn 40295]

On 11/25/2023 at 2:19 PM, ocugolf said:

Well to her, I ruined thanksgiving by bringing a dessert that upstaged her average pecan pie. Since she tossed the awesome dessert in the trash i during her  hissy fit, I decided to go full petty and make a pecan pie that is infinitely better than hers for dinner the next day. Just to stir the pot. 
 

The green chili pecan pie was a hit and was finished. Her pecan pie was about 1/2 eaten. She wouldn’t talk to me after. Consider this a victory. 

Maybe this is the start of you never having to see your MIL at the holidays ever again. Who gets that petty over dessert? In my family if you threw away someones pie you'd get your ass beat. 

[Sbbruin 21829]

29 minutes ago, Covri said:

Shitty kids/parents. 

It was the 70's/80's.  Parents gave no fucks about kids needs back then.  We could've been left to eat gruel and they'd have been fine with it.

[Longboard Horn 40295]

On 11/20/2023 at 2:10 PM, Royalfan5 said:

I feel good that the only complaint I can make going into Thanksgiving is that I am going to have freeze my ass off in Hays, KS Saturday to watch my nephew play for the 1A state title. 

Going back to this, was it raining or did you have a snowmaggedon game like ISU and K State over in Manhattan? 

[Covri 6244]

43 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

It was the 70's/80's.  Parents gave no fucks about kids needs back then.  We could've been left to eat gruel and they'd have been fine with it.

My bad I used your post to make the point now how parents these days say kids first and then don’t teach them how to not take more than their fair share. It’s shitty for adults to do it, it’s even shittier to let kids do it with no parenting and who then more often that not waste it as well.

Edited November 28, 2023 by Covri

[Royalfan5 2353]

13 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Going back to this, was it raining or did you have a snowmaggedon game like ISU and K State over in Manhattan? 

It was snowing but melting just a little, but not quite as much as it was in Manhattan. After they won they were all able to make snow angels in the end zone. 

[Longboard Horn 40295]

10 minutes ago, Royalfan5 said:

It was snowing but melting just a little, but not quite as much as it was in Manhattan. After they won they were all able to make snow angels in the end zone. 

They won state? Awesome! Now hopefully you'll have something to bitch about at Christmas.

[TrashMaster G 17544]

On 11/25/2023 at 10:48 PM, BearSchlong said:

Supermax is where the bombers/cereal killers go.

Like the guy who murdered Captain Crunch?

[YGIFS 19449]

Mutiny Mueslix?  

They say INTERPOL never did catch him.  He survives as a Merchant Marine Mercenary.  

[MissingInAction 25010]

Too badsome.of you guys weren't aware 

On 11/27/2023 at 3:39 PM, Sbbruin said:

We always used to do Christmas Eve at my grandparents, and it was always a traditional Thanksgiving style meal.  The youngest kids always had to wait to serve themselves buffet style, and the stuffing, which was magnificent, was always gone by the time I got there.  It was always my older cousins who would just hog it all.  And they'd just laugh at us youngsters.  Pissed me off to no end. 

That's a stabbing.

[nnm 36348]

Pretty good holiday advice here from some British ladies . . . 

 

 

[Post Oak 20208]

Haha

[Longboard Horn 40295]

Will be seeing my step siblings, step dad and mom on Friday for early Christmas get together. Best part is that one of them is a Tech grad and 2 of them are aggy. Can't wait to gloat in their faces. However, my aggy stepsiblings are 2%ers so they could care less. Wouldn't be surprised if they were rooting for us to win the playoff. 

[Jerry Callo 8698]

On 11/29/2023 at 8:06 AM, nnm said:

Pretty good holiday advice here from some British ladies . . . 

 

 

Counter

 

[High Plains Drifter 11028]

On 11/27/2023 at 7:00 PM, Sbbruin said:

It was the 70's/80's.  Parents gave no fucks about kids needs back then.  We could've been left to eat gruel and they'd have been fine with it.

 

I ate gruel and was grateful for it.

And the only desert left was the pink salad, and I was grateful for that too.

 

[High Plains Drifter 11028]

On 11/29/2023 at 8:06 AM, nnm said:

Pretty good holiday advice here from some British ladies . . . 

 

 

 

1, 3, 2

[heso 2786]

My wife is the middle of 3 sisters. I met my wife by being friends with the older sister in high school and college. In the 20+ years that I have been close to and then part of the family I have seen one or two of the sisters screaming at, and several times need to be physically restrained from attacking the other one(s) at least in the double digits, usually at holiday gatherings. Any two of them together are perfectly fine and enjoyable company. But for whatever reason when all 3 are together things become incredibly unstable. 80% of the time it’s the oldest and youngest going at it with my wife and MIL trying to diffuse. 

My 89 year old half senile GMIL isn’t talking to my MIL as of this past summer over my MIL’s lack of patience with my GMIL’s noncompliance with her medication after a hospital stay for pneumonia which lead to some sort of big argument. 

GMIL has since been diagnosed with a grapefruit sized tumor in her abdomen that the oncologist has told her would be fairly straightforward to remove, is likely benign, and that she’s plenty fit for surgery and then proceed to outline all of the things she’ll likely experience if she doesn’t have it removed and let’s it grow unfettered. Well GMIL flipped a coin and “god determined” that she isn’t going to have surgery. 

The sisters and MIL are now convinced that this will be GMIL’s last Xmas alive. So older SIL decided we need to get the whole family together for the holiday. Since MIL isn’t welcome in GMIL’s house, SIL booked an air bnb a block away. 

Everything is setting up for me to come roaring into this thread. I’m posting thunderdome gifs and stirring the pot in the group chat. SIL’s husband and I are separately discussing if it’s a good idea for us to feign an altercation between us to let some steam out of the pot of things start to go south. 

And then last week in an unbelievable turn of events, MIL’s piece of shit, alcoholic, barely employed, money grubbing brother enters the ring. This guy apparently used to be extremely successful but because of his ego, alcoholism, and misogyny, he lost everything and burned all of his bridges. Now he’s a cashier at Kroger, and is just trying to coast to social security and some inheritance from GMIL. 

Apparently he and MIL got into an argument over him leaving their aunts remains at the crematorium for over a year unpaid for because he spent the last of her money and the money GMIL gave him to pay for it. In a drunken stupor he somehow misconstrues her comments into her telling the sisters about his most recent DUI (5th or 6th). She hadn’t said anything to them about it. So he fires off a drunken text rant to the sisters trying to pit them against their mother. He leads off with “I guess your mother is insistent on stirring up drama for the holidays”. it goes predictably with them siding with their mother which then turns into him saying all sorts of horrible shit about each of them. 

All of this serves to galvanize the sisters in defense of their mother, and lead to GMIL and MIL somewhat resolving their differences so that now everyone is excited to see each other and have a god damn holly jolly Christmas visit. (Un)fortunately, the uncle lives 700 miles away so he won’t be able to physically enter the ring, so to speak. 

 

[ABSR 5308]

40 minutes ago, heso said:

My wife is the middle of 3 sisters. I met my wife by being friends with the older sister in high school and college. In the 20+ years that I have been close to and then part of the family I have seen one or two of the sisters screaming at, and several times need to be physically restrained from attacking the other one(s) at least in the double digits, usually at holiday gatherings. Any two of them together are perfectly fine and enjoyable company. But for whatever reason when all 3 are together things become incredibly unstable. 80% of the time it’s the oldest and youngest going at it with my wife and MIL trying to diffuse. 

My 89 year old half senile GMIL isn’t talking to my MIL as of this past summer over my MIL’s lack of patience with my GMIL’s noncompliance with her medication after a hospital stay for pneumonia which lead to some sort of big argument. 

GMIL has since been diagnosed with a grapefruit sized tumor in her abdomen that the oncologist has told her would be fairly straightforward to remove, is likely benign, and that she’s plenty fit for surgery and then proceed to outline all of the things she’ll likely experience if she doesn’t have it removed and let’s it grow unfettered. Well GMIL flipped a coin and “god determined” that she isn’t going to have surgery. 

The sisters and MIL are now convinced that this will be GMIL’s last Xmas alive. So older SIL decided we need to get the whole family together for the holiday. Since MIL isn’t welcome in GMIL’s house, SIL booked an air bnb a block away. 

Everything is setting up for me to come roaring into this thread. I’m posting thunderdome gifs and stirring the pot in the group chat. SIL’s husband and I are separately discussing if it’s a good idea for us to feign an altercation between us to let some steam out of the pot of things start to go south. 

And then last week in an unbelievable turn of events, MIL’s piece of shit, alcoholic, barely employed, money grubbing brother enters the ring. This guy apparently used to be extremely successful but because of his ego, alcoholism, and misogyny, he lost everything and burned all of his bridges. Now he’s a cashier at Kroger, and is just trying to coast to social security and some inheritance from GMIL. 

Apparently he and MIL got into an argument over him leaving their aunts remains at the crematorium for over a year unpaid for because he spent the last of her money and the money GMIL gave him to pay for it. In a drunken stupor he somehow misconstrues her comments into her telling the sisters about his most recent DUI (5th or 6th). She hadn’t said anything to them about it. So he fires off a drunken text rant to the sisters trying to pit them against their mother. He leads off with “I guess your mother is insistent on stirring up drama for the holidays”. it goes predictably with them siding with their mother which then turns into him saying all sorts of horrible shit about each of them. 

All of this serves to galvanize the sisters in defense of their mother, and lead to GMIL and MIL somewhat resolving their differences so that now everyone is excited to see each other and have a god damn holly jolly Christmas visit. (Un)fortunately, the uncle lives 700 miles away so he won’t be able to physically enter the ring, so to speak. 

 

Can I be happy for your family and very very disappointed at the same time?

[NWBuck 8552]

6 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

I ate gruel and was grateful for it.

And the only desert left was the pink salad, and I was grateful for that too.

 

Right.

I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing 'Hallelujah.'

[Paper_jam 831]

18 hours ago, heso said:

 

All of this serves to galvanize the sisters in defense of their mother, and lead to GMIL and MIL somewhat resolving their differences so that now everyone is excited to see each other and have a god damn holly jolly Christmas visit. (Un)fortunately, the uncle lives 700 miles away so he won’t be able to physically enter the ring, so to speak. 

 

Surly posters, can we throw enough money together for a plane ticket for uncle? 

 

[Biff Tannen 45665]

19 hours ago, heso said:

Apparently he and MIL got into an argument over him leaving their aunts remains at the crematorium for over a year unpaid for because he spent the last of her money and the money GMIL gave him to pay for it

Should've just gotten a coffee can from Ralph's.

[heso 2786]

1 hour ago, Paper_jam said:

Surly posters, can we throw enough money together for a plane ticket for uncle? 

 

There’s always money in the wreath fund. 

[Guest]

bacon and chicken tendies caught my eye....

What high motherfucker came up with that shit/

[Sbbruin 21829]

On 12/5/2023 at 2:44 PM, Biff Tannen said:

Should've just gotten a coffee can from Ralph's.

Just because we're bereaved doesn't make us saps!

[High Plains Drifter 11028]

 

It was their most modestly priced receptacle.