Official 2023 bitch about your family @ the Holidays thread

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,721]

Was she holding all 120 wings just for you?

[AUS-97HORN 11,654]

that is some next level trolling by your mother. 

[leaf 681]

9 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Was she holding all 120 wings just for you?

Bother and his family were there.  That is the second time she sent me that picture.  She sent it to me on Christmas Eve too.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,799]

Conversation with mom today.
 

What an epic flex


She’d fit right in around these parts

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,302]

The text of those wings from his mom reminds me of De Niro/Jimmy Conway in Goodfellas when Spider busts Tommy's balls over the drink order.

" Whoaa...this is for you, Spider! Don't take shit off a nobody!"

[Al_4_ISU 12,408]

14 hours ago, leaf said:

Conversation with mom today.

 

I would devour that plate.

[Parliament 14,112]

And chug the ranch straight.

[Al_4_ISU 12,408]

I'm more team blue cheese when it comes to wings, but I'll abide the ranch in it's absence.

[gernblansten 3,183]

16 hours ago, leaf said:

Conversation with mom today.

 

I hope you responded immediately with only "* you're"

[Al_4_ISU 12,408]

2 minutes ago, BeardIP said:

I learned on here that if you eat 13 wings in one sitting, that is outrageous and gluttonous. I thought that was just lunch.

I'd be stuffed off 13 wings nowadays, but back in college that was like a warm up.  Especially if I had some weed in my system.

[ABSR 5,289]

34 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I'd be stuffed off 13 wings nowadays, but back in college that was like a warm up.  Especially if I had some weed in my system.

Nowadays if you have weed in your system you wonder what weed killer to use.

[Armybrat 40,678]

On 12/27/2023 at 11:36 AM, tbone_ said:

As someone with extended family in North Dakota, I can confirm.

And don’t sleep on the Norwegians.

The only Norwegian I know doesn’t drink at all.

But he lives in Olympua.

[Al_4_ISU 12,408]

My wife is half Norwegian and that side of her family didn't drink much, and it doesn't really seem part of Norwegian culture, but I know plenty of those crusty fuckers that can knock 'em back.

[nnm 35,990]

30 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife is half Norwegian and that side of her family didn't drink much, and it doesn't really seem part of Norwegian culture, but I know plenty of those crusty fuckers that can knock 'em back.

Traveled to and worked in Norway for 12 years. This is incorrect. Those dudes are tall, mostly in good shape, and can drink you under the table. Alternating Aquavit and beer is a good way to end up under the table. 

[YGIFS 19,449]

Next year we need some kinda point tracking system whereby we can objectively prove whose family can just waste the most time.  My in-laws, god love them, can literally.  And I mean that in the literal sense of the word, spend 2 hours between breakfast and lunch and 6 hours between lunch and dinner talking about they never get to do anything together.  They just sit and talk about how they never get together and do anything.  It's fucking amazing.  20 years in and I've never seen anything like it.  We spent 7.5 days together last month listening to them talk about how they never have time to get together to do anything.  Same as the previous 19 years.  It's absolutely astonishing.  Anywho...Happy New Year Surly Fuckers! 

[Longboard Horn 40,069]

13 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Next year we need some kinda point tracking system whereby we can objectively prove whose family can just waste the most time.  My in-laws, god love them, can literally.  And I mean that in the literal sense of the word, spend 2 hours between breakfast and lunch and 6 hours between lunch and dinner talking about they never get to do anything together.  They just sit and talk about how they never get together and do anything.  It's fucking amazing.  20 years in and I've never seen anything like it.  We spent 7.5 days together last month listening to them talk about how they never have time to get together to do anything.  Same as the previous 19 years.  It's absolutely astonishing.  Anywho...Happy New Year Surly Fuckers! 

Proabaly @Al_4_ISU takes the cake since apparently he's claimed his in-laws are the biggest time wasters and dawdlers on the planet lol 

[ocugolf 1,202]

14 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Next year we need some kinda point tracking system whereby we can objectively prove whose family can just waste the most time.  My in-laws, god love them, can literally.  And I mean that in the literal sense of the word, spend 2 hours between breakfast and lunch and 6 hours between lunch and dinner talking about they never get to do anything together.  They just sit and talk about how they never get together and do anything.  It's fucking amazing.  20 years in and I've never seen anything like it.  We spent 7.5 days together last month listening to them talk about how they never have time to get together to do anything.  Same as the previous 19 years.  It's absolutely astonishing.  Anywho...Happy New Year Surly Fuckers! 

This hits home except that my MIL talks about the vacations she’s going to take like she’s capable. “I want to do a river cruise in Germany.” Other than, you can’t fit in a seat in airplane, walk or stand long enough to get on the ship, walk up stairs, walk around the villages, and the cost that you won’t ever spend your money for, yes, this would be great. This is the lady that once vetoed a trip to Telluride because “the hotel rooms will just reek of marijuana” and made us go to bumfuck Arkansas where she sat in the house and pouted because we wanted to go hike/fish/play golf and she couldn’t physically do those things.

[Al_4_ISU 12,408]

Proabaly [mention=1238]Al_4_ISU[/mention] takes the cake since apparently he's claimed his in-laws are the biggest time wasters and dawdlers on the planet lol 

Lobo might win this round

[Longboard Horn 40,069]

1 hour ago, ocugolf said:

This hits home except that my MIL talks about the vacations she’s going to take like she’s capable. “I want to do a river cruise in Germany.” Other than, you can’t fit in a seat in airplane, walk or stand long enough to get on the ship, walk up stairs, walk around the villages, and the cost that you won’t ever spend your money for, yes, this would be great. This is the lady that once vetoed a trip to Telluride because “the hotel rooms will just reek of marijuana” and made us go to bumfuck Arkansas where she sat in the house and pouted because we wanted to go hike/fish/play golf and she couldn’t physically do those things.

Cut ties with the MIL. You'll feel better. She's holding you back. 

[ABSR 5,289]

39 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said:

Cut ties with the MIL. You'll feel better. She's holding you back. 

Look, to drop the MIL you would have to drop the wife because she is not going to ..... wait, I like the way you think.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,721]

3 hours ago, ocugolf said:

This hits home except that my MIL talks about the vacations she’s going to take like she’s capable. “I want to do a river cruise in Germany.” Other than, you can’t fit in a seat in airplane, walk or stand long enough to get on the ship, walk up stairs, walk around the villages, and the cost that you won’t ever spend your money for, yes, this would be great. This is the lady that once vetoed a trip to Telluride because “the hotel rooms will just reek of marijuana” and made us go to bumfuck Arkansas where she sat in the house and pouted because we wanted to go hike/fish/play golf and she couldn’t physically do those things.

My MIL won't go anywhere unless a casino is in the very near vicinity.  

[Biff Tannen 45,477]

3 hours ago, ocugolf said:

This is the lady that once vetoed a trip to Telluride because “the hotel rooms will just reek of marijuana” and made us go to bumfuck Arkansas

This is some straight up bullshit

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,796]

My MIL, who is 78 (no pics) and who I generally like ok, has now been in my house for 8 days.  Other than leaving once to go shopping, my wife had absolutely no activities planned wit her over this time, so basically they’ve been sitting around playing games on their iPads and rage eating out of boredom the whole time.  MIL is overweight and diabetic, so far she’s gone through a giant party bag of cheetos (4 days), the last half of the bag of my HEB stuffing flavored chips, a bag of sun chips, 3/4 of the apple cobbler I baked on Christmas Eve and a shitton of other sweets we got in our stockings.  Meanwhile there are vegetables, fruits, hummus and cheese rotting in my refrigerator.  Maybe my wife is passively trying to kill her.  I’m starting to get annoyed though because when I decide I really want a specific thing to snack on while I’m working, I go to get it and it’s dead, Jim.  The empty bag is in the trash.
 

[tbone_ 14,020]

They actually throw the trash away and you are bitching?

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,796]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

They actually throw the trash away and you are bitching?

Well in the can under the sink, I still have to haul that to the bin.  A lot.  

[SHOOTER12 8,787]

8 hours ago, ocugolf said:

This hits home except that my MIL talks about the vacations she’s going to take like she’s capable. “I want to do a river cruise in Germany.” Other than, you can’t fit in a seat in airplane, walk or stand long enough to get on the ship, walk up stairs, walk around the villages, and the cost that you won’t ever spend your money for, yes, this would be great. This is the lady that once vetoed a trip to Telluride because “the hotel rooms will just reek of marijuana” and made us go to bumfuck Arkansas where she sat in the house and pouted because we wanted to go hike/fish/play golf and she couldn’t physically do those things.

 

7 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Cut ties with the MIL. You'll feel better. She's holding you back. 

Ķill the MIL, she's going to blow cash that could be yours someday.

[BearSchlong 8,076]

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,796]

6 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

Does she go to A&M?  Wtf?

[Parliament 14,112]

She needs to find a better crowd.

[BearSchlong 8,076]

Maybe it’s a midwestern thing. She’s probably just pulling my leg.

[Mrs Whiggins 13,049]

Our holidays have been pretty sane; I've been cooking and baking a lot and whenever the football games have been boring (ie teams that I don't really care about or blowouts) then I go for a walk and leave the guys to watch the games and talk. I did hit the wine pretty hard when I made short ribs because the recipe uses two cups of wine and I hate to let the rest just sit there when I could drink it so I do have that going for me...but some of y'all have some interesting family dynamics to say the least. Pretty much just waiting for the big games on the first and making sure everyone is fed and watered until then. Happy New Years!

[tbone_ 14,020]

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

You talk about this shit with your daughter huh?

[BearSchlong 8,076]

Not usually, no. But she and her stepmom spent the afternoon getting mani pedis and apparently the discussion at the nail salon was like the hair salon scene in Steel Magnolias.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,780]

Pics of daughter pegging?

[royiv 9,131]

4 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

Now you can have a mental image of your daughter pegging every dude she brings home to meet you.

[BearSchlong 8,076]

Now you can have a mental image of your daughter pegging every dude she brings home to meet you.

Hell no. Gawd no. No?

[Guest]

9 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

Explains a shit-ton about societal woes these days.

[Covri 6,229]

8 hours ago, royiv said:

Now you can have a mental image of your daughter pegging every dude she brings home to meet you.

No, only 4 out of the next 5.

[YGIFS 19,449]

1 hour ago, Covri said:

No, only 4 out of the next 5.

And 80% of the time, it works every time.  

[gyroprotagonist 2,591]

@NowThis it's ok.  Apparently all the youngsters are doing it.  

[Dnaguy 11,740]

14 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

 

13 hours ago, tbone_ said:

You talk about this shit with your daughter huh?

 

[Pato del Muerto 52,321]

14 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

[MissingInAction 24,765]

17 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Maybe it’s a midwestern thing. She’s probably just pulling my leg.

Maybe it's the guys she attracts. The gay ones.

[Guadaloopy 10,903]

3 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

[BearSchlong 8,076]

No, only 4 out of the next 5.

[BearSchlong 8,076]

Maybe it's the guys she attracts. The gay ones.

She has a strong, dominant personality. It’ll take a special guy to commit matrimony without homicide.

[Brisketexan 104,462]

She has a strong, dominant personality. It’ll take a special guy to commit matrimony without homicide.

So…what you’re saying is that she’s a woman.

[Pato del Muerto 52,321]

14 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

So…what you’re saying is that she’s a woman.

A bitch?

[BearSchlong 8,076]

Please, no. She just has a big personality. She has my sweet nature and her mother's sense of dramatic flair.

[AUS-97HORN 11,654]

36 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Please, no. She just has a big personality. She has my sweet nature and her mother's sense of dramatic flair.