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Official 2023 bitch about your family @ the Holidays thread

GhostOfTomJoad

By GhostOfTomJoad
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ocugolf
ocugolf

My MIL is a hefty gal. Probably 5’7” 400ish. Vic wouldn’t even hit it. As you can imagine, her life revolves around food. We are all planning out who is bringing what to Thanksgiving. She is hell bent

TrashMaster G
TrashMaster G

Because people asked.... ------------------------------------ After much deliberation, I will reluctantly tell the story of my family touring the Christmas lights in Waco last week. My

Post Oak
Post Oak

My wife spent hours planning a trip to Disney for our 8 year olds.  She was on message boards and FB groups to try to figure out what to do and find the best deals.  Once we decided what we were

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12451

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2 minutes ago, BeardIP said:

I learned on here that if you eat 13 wings in one sitting, that is outrageous and gluttonous. I thought that was just lunch.

I'd be stuffed off 13 wings nowadays, but back in college that was like a warm up.  Especially if I had some weed in my system.

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nnm

nnm 36348

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30 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife is half Norwegian and that side of her family didn't drink much, and it doesn't really seem part of Norwegian culture, but I know plenty of those crusty fuckers that can knock 'em back.

Traveled to and worked in Norway for 12 years. This is incorrect. Those dudes are tall, mostly in good shape, and can drink you under the table. Alternating Aquavit and beer is a good way to end up under the table. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19449

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Next year we need some kinda point tracking system whereby we can objectively prove whose family can just waste the most time.  My in-laws, god love them, can literally.  And I mean that in the literal sense of the word, spend 2 hours between breakfast and lunch and 6 hours between lunch and dinner talking about they never get to do anything together.  They just sit and talk about how they never get together and do anything.  It's fucking amazing.  20 years in and I've never seen anything like it.  We spent 7.5 days together last month listening to them talk about how they never have time to get together to do anything.  Same as the previous 19 years.  It's absolutely astonishing.  Anywho...Happy New Year Surly Fuckers! 

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40294

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13 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Next year we need some kinda point tracking system whereby we can objectively prove whose family can just waste the most time.  My in-laws, god love them, can literally.  And I mean that in the literal sense of the word, spend 2 hours between breakfast and lunch and 6 hours between lunch and dinner talking about they never get to do anything together.  They just sit and talk about how they never get together and do anything.  It's fucking amazing.  20 years in and I've never seen anything like it.  We spent 7.5 days together last month listening to them talk about how they never have time to get together to do anything.  Same as the previous 19 years.  It's absolutely astonishing.  Anywho...Happy New Year Surly Fuckers! 

Proabaly @Al_4_ISU takes the cake since apparently he's claimed his in-laws are the biggest time wasters and dawdlers on the planet lol 

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ocugolf

ocugolf 1214

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14 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Next year we need some kinda point tracking system whereby we can objectively prove whose family can just waste the most time.  My in-laws, god love them, can literally.  And I mean that in the literal sense of the word, spend 2 hours between breakfast and lunch and 6 hours between lunch and dinner talking about they never get to do anything together.  They just sit and talk about how they never get together and do anything.  It's fucking amazing.  20 years in and I've never seen anything like it.  We spent 7.5 days together last month listening to them talk about how they never have time to get together to do anything.  Same as the previous 19 years.  It's absolutely astonishing.  Anywho...Happy New Year Surly Fuckers! 

This hits home except that my MIL talks about the vacations she’s going to take like she’s capable. “I want to do a river cruise in Germany.” Other than, you can’t fit in a seat in airplane, walk or stand long enough to get on the ship, walk up stairs, walk around the villages, and the cost that you won’t ever spend your money for, yes, this would be great. This is the lady that once vetoed a trip to Telluride because “the hotel rooms will just reek of marijuana” and made us go to bumfuck Arkansas where she sat in the house and pouted because we wanted to go hike/fish/play golf and she couldn’t physically do those things.

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40294

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1 hour ago, ocugolf said:

This hits home except that my MIL talks about the vacations she’s going to take like she’s capable. “I want to do a river cruise in Germany.” Other than, you can’t fit in a seat in airplane, walk or stand long enough to get on the ship, walk up stairs, walk around the villages, and the cost that you won’t ever spend your money for, yes, this would be great. This is the lady that once vetoed a trip to Telluride because “the hotel rooms will just reek of marijuana” and made us go to bumfuck Arkansas where she sat in the house and pouted because we wanted to go hike/fish/play golf and she couldn’t physically do those things.

Cut ties with the MIL. You'll feel better. She's holding you back. 

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T’Boo Ted Marshall

T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732

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3 hours ago, ocugolf said:

This hits home except that my MIL talks about the vacations she’s going to take like she’s capable. “I want to do a river cruise in Germany.” Other than, you can’t fit in a seat in airplane, walk or stand long enough to get on the ship, walk up stairs, walk around the villages, and the cost that you won’t ever spend your money for, yes, this would be great. This is the lady that once vetoed a trip to Telluride because “the hotel rooms will just reek of marijuana” and made us go to bumfuck Arkansas where she sat in the house and pouted because we wanted to go hike/fish/play golf and she couldn’t physically do those things.

My MIL won't go anywhere unless a casino is in the very near vicinity.  

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11819

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My MIL, who is 78 (no pics) and who I generally like ok, has now been in my house for 8 days.  Other than leaving once to go shopping, my wife had absolutely no activities planned wit her over this time, so basically they’ve been sitting around playing games on their iPads and rage eating out of boredom the whole time.  MIL is overweight and diabetic, so far she’s gone through a giant party bag of cheetos (4 days), the last half of the bag of my HEB stuffing flavored chips, a bag of sun chips, 3/4 of the apple cobbler I baked on Christmas Eve and a shitton of other sweets we got in our stockings.  Meanwhile there are vegetables, fruits, hummus and cheese rotting in my refrigerator.  Maybe my wife is passively trying to kill her.  I’m starting to get annoyed though because when I decide I really want a specific thing to snack on while I’m working, I go to get it and it’s dead, Jim.  The empty bag is in the trash.
 

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8800

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8 hours ago, ocugolf said:

This hits home except that my MIL talks about the vacations she’s going to take like she’s capable. “I want to do a river cruise in Germany.” Other than, you can’t fit in a seat in airplane, walk or stand long enough to get on the ship, walk up stairs, walk around the villages, and the cost that you won’t ever spend your money for, yes, this would be great. This is the lady that once vetoed a trip to Telluride because “the hotel rooms will just reek of marijuana” and made us go to bumfuck Arkansas where she sat in the house and pouted because we wanted to go hike/fish/play golf and she couldn’t physically do those things.

 

7 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Cut ties with the MIL. You'll feel better. She's holding you back. 

Ķill the MIL, she's going to blow cash that could be yours someday.

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8083

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My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11819

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6 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

Does she go to A&M?  Wtf?

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

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Our holidays have been pretty sane; I've been cooking and baking a lot and whenever the football games have been boring (ie teams that I don't really care about or blowouts) then I go for a walk and leave the guys to watch the games and talk. I did hit the wine pretty hard when I made short ribs because the recipe uses two cups of wine and I hate to let the rest just sit there when I could drink it so I do have that going for me...but some of y'all have some interesting family dynamics to say the least. Pretty much just waiting for the big games on the first and making sure everyone is fed and watered until then. Happy New Years!

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tbone_

tbone_ 14110

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My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

You talk about this shit with your daughter huh?
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royiv

royiv 9247

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4 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

Now you can have a mental image of your daughter pegging every dude she brings home to meet you.

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9 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

Explains a shit-ton about societal woes these days.

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 11919

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14 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

 

13 hours ago, tbone_ said:


You talk about this shit with your daughter huh?

 

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52485

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14 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My daughter says that 80% of the “male” youngsters (early 20s) consider pegging a routine sex act. In fact, it’s very common for a guy to own his own equipment.

That is mind bottling to me. Not because I’m prudish, rather, it never occurred to me.

(“Dad! Geez! I can’t believe you put that on surly!!”)

letterkenny-butt-hole.gif

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