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Why Texas Stomps a Mudhole in Kansas State's Ass

closetojumping

By closetojumping
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closetojumping

closetojumping 62,213

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1 minute ago, closetohumping said:

@closetojumping needs to spend his time working a second gig (heard Maudis is looking for buss boys) then typing a thesis on what should be an easy win for the good guys. 1,000 gonna pay for my trip to Mammoth

I wrote that thing in between meetings. You have as much chance of winning that g-note at this point as a KSU grad does in winning the Nobel Prize in Physics.

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Thatguy

Thatguy 8,492

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6 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

@closetojumping needs to spend his time working a second gig (heard Maudis is looking for buss boys) then typing a thesis on what should be an easy win for the good guys. 1,000 gonna pay for my trip to Mammoth

 

3 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

I wrote that thing in between meetings. You have as much chance of winning that g-note at this point as a KSU grad does in winning the Nobel Prize in Physics.

slap-fight.gif

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closetojumping

closetojumping 62,213

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4 minutes ago, nbmishoid said:

Thanks for the write up, CTJ.  And for addressing the kSU streak issue firstly.  You are usually right.

Appreciate the thoughts but since we're on the 3rd page, I am comfortable adding a couple of disclosures without killing the vibe I was going for from the entertainment perspective with the original post.

1) I am wrong way more than I am right, so don't put any faith in me.

2) I actually don't expect a win tomorrow. I'm cheering for one. I don't like thinking we'll lose and I don't like the board having that outlook, so I wrote something to cheer me up. I'm assuming this is one of two remaining losses on the regular season schedule, the other being ISU. 

3) I do think Texas matches up really well with KSU, so maybe points 1 and 2 cancel each other out and Texas does beat KSU's ass.

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Codaxx

Codaxx 5,592

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7 minutes ago, ztejas said:

We have played, by ESPN's FEI metric, the 9th, 39th, 80th and 93rd ranked Os in the country at home and held them to 14, 10, 10 and 6 points, respectively.

If K St wants to win tomorrow they better hold us under 4 TDs.

I think this game is likely lower scoring than many people are predicting. Both teams want to run the ball. This could turn into an old fashion Big 10 slobber knocker. Texas has an advantage in the run game. They need to cash that in. 

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Nicole44

Nicole44 22,027

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The “keys” to a win are similar for both teams. More is going to be put on AJ’s shoulders than on Maalik’s (from the standpoint that MM needs to protect the ball and allow our talented roster to do most of the work.) no question we have the more talented roster. Obviously winning the turnover battle is huge. This feels like a nail biter which probably means we will win convincingly. There is no question they want this win over Texas. The last team unbeaten and all that. The optimism is great in this thread! I dig it! Honestly, this game has made me nervous all year. I have a very healthy respect for KState and with their HC. The WTF loss to OKie Lite (they are trending up) aside they are a formidable opponent. 🤘🏼 this game just has an OT type feel to it. Down to the wire type feel. I love that our team punches until the end. Hoping I’m wrong and we beat them by two TDs. 🤘🏼🤘🏼

 

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Atticus

Atticus 3,920

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1 hour ago, Codaxx said:

I think this game is likely lower scoring than many people are predicting. Both teams want to run the ball. This could turn into an old fashion Big 10 slobber knocker. Texas has an advantage in the run game. They need to cash that in. 

KSU wants to bait Texas into running the ball into run keying defenders. I think we see RPOs early and often to punish those linebackers for blitzing so often

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Codaxx

Codaxx 5,592

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3 minutes ago, Atticus said:

KSU wants to bait Texas into running the ball into run keying defenders. I think we see RPOs early and often to punish those linebackers for blitzing so often

I am not convinced  KSU will play very aggressive, until the the down and distance are in their favor. They know they can not play 1 on 1 with Mitchell and Worthy. They do not want to give up big plays and get behind, because the would put the game on Will Howard throwing the ball. They do not want that.  The play book is out on the Texas offense. Dont give up big plays and make Texas beat you in the red zone. Blitz Maalik on favorable downs, but no need to put yourself at risk unless Texas is rolling in the run game and you have no choice.

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ousux

ousux 5,586

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The “keys” to a win are similar for both teams. More is going to be put on AJ’s shoulders than on Maalik’s (from the standpoint that MM needs to protect the ball and allow our talented roster to do most of the work.) no question we have the more talented roster. Obviously winning the turnover battle is huge. This feels like a nail biter which probably means we will win convincingly. There is no question they want this win over Texas. The last team unbeaten and all that. The optimism is great in this thread! I dig it! Honestly, this game has made me nervous all year. I have a very healthy respect for KState and with their HC. The WTF loss to OKie Lite (they are trending up) aside they are a formidable opponent. this game just has an OT type feel to it. Down to the wire type feel. I love that our team punches until the end. Hoping I’m wrong and we beat them by two TDs.
 
TSRH ^^ all of it. Really feels like a game that isn't over until the clock runs out. Purple may not longer have the Wizard on the sideline but that doesn't mean a game like this will be a breeze.
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Nicole44

Nicole44 22,027

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5 minutes ago, ousux said:
2 hours ago, Nicole44 said:
The “keys” to a win are similar for both teams. More is going to be put on AJ’s shoulders than on Maalik’s (from the standpoint that MM needs to protect the ball and allow our talented roster to do most of the work.) no question we have the more talented roster. Obviously winning the turnover battle is huge. This feels like a nail biter which probably means we will win convincingly. There is no question they want this win over Texas. The last team unbeaten and all that. The optimism is great in this thread! I dig it! Honestly, this game has made me nervous all year. I have a very healthy respect for KState and with their HC. The WTF loss to OKie Lite (they are trending up) aside they are a formidable opponent. emoji1598.png this game just has an OT type feel to it. Down to the wire type feel. I love that our team punches until the end. Hoping I’m wrong and we beat them by two TDs. emoji1598.pngemoji1598.png
 

TSRH ^^ all of it. Really feels like a game that isn't over until the clock runs out. Purple may not longer have the Wizard on the sideline but that doesn't mean a game like this will be a breeze.

Knock on wood but read reports the Wizard might be in attendance. 

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,386

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19 minutes ago, Atticus said:

No fucking way. I swear he’s been in hiding, and I think I’ve even seen him as a crew member instead of a crew chief in a game. 

Someone needs to find out where the crew is eating tonight and make sure they get a horrid case of food poisoning.

I don't mean fatal.  Probably.

Maybe.

Hell, I'm not sure.

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BrazilHorn

BrazilHorn 6,576

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IDMAS. I’m two drinks in with more to go tonight. Many bourbons before I sleep. 
 

Texas face rapes KSU tomorrow. There will be bad spots, false penalties and various referee “shenanigans”. To no fucking avail. 
 

Texas “casting couches” KSU and pegs their asses back to the little, shitty apple. 
 

LFG!!!!

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Cairn Horn88

Cairn Horn88 8,164

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8 minutes ago, Hagbard Celine said:

next thing we're going to hear is yormark has decided to attend

wizard

mar

yormark

TRIFECTA

+++

BONUS!

secret non-roster player that hasn't played yet this year:

LOCKETT FIVE

Don’t forget CTJ   putting the hex on us.  Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.  KSU doesn’t run a hurry-up offense.  If we are subbing our D, and keep the pressure on, we will win.  Expect 1-2 trick plays, a qb/half-back pass, fake field goal.  They will go all out.  Remember, they won the B12 championship game last year.

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Horn Dogg

Horn Dogg 3,807

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8 hours ago, closetojumping said:

Appreciate the thoughts but since we're on the 3rd page, I am comfortable adding a couple of disclosures without killing the vibe I was going for from the entertainment perspective with the original post.

1) I am wrong way more than I am right, so don't put any faith in me.

2) I actually don't expect a win tomorrow. I'm cheering for one. I don't like thinking we'll lose and I don't like the board having that outlook, so I wrote something to cheer me up. I'm assuming this is one of two remaining losses on the regular season schedule, the other being ISU. 

3) I do think Texas matches up really well with KSU, so maybe points 1 and 2 cancel each other out and Texas does beat KSU's ass.

We’re going to win, don’t listen to all the pussies around here!

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MIkeHoncho

MIkeHoncho 1,894

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On 11/2/2023 at 2:03 PM, closetojumping said:

T'Vondre Sweat is going to pull a chokehold buttfuck

The problem is the KSU line can put t'vondre in a chokehold, straitjacket, high-low block, and facemask him direcltly in front of ref and they won't get  a fucking flag.   Our d-line is badass, but if the o-line is allowed to get away with full on fucking tackling them, it don't mean shit.  FUCK YOU YORMARK!!!!

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Pimphand

Pimphand 5,594

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On 11/2/2023 at 2:03 PM, closetojumping said:

It's been 13+ years of watching Texas football step on rakes in every direction, repeatedly. I've seen less embarrassing public displays from drunk grown men attempting to footrace one another through a casino. Multiple presidential elections during that span have been less embarrassing. Jeffrey Toobin and Louis CK were thankful that Texas football was running interference for them at different points. 

Look, it's been a bad run. I get it. But this year isn't that. This board does not have to shit itself in panic every time an opponent with a winning record shows up on the schedule. Hell, it doesn't even take a winning record. There are multiple voluminous posters on this site that predicted Baylor, fucking rape-enabling Baylor!, who had just barely beaten some school called "Long Island University", to beat Texas. I checked and it's not even clear that Long Island U is an accredited university. That win lifted the Baylor record to a gaudy 1-2 before we pummeled them. 

Get a fucking grip. Texas is about win its 7th straight against Kansas State by stomping a deep mudhole in Kansas State's ass. They may have to blackout the final quarter on television in order to protect the psyches of women and small children.

"But closetojumping, Kansas State is streaking right now! We're catching them at the wrong time!?!"

Kansas State is indeed a rolling ball of butcher knives. They haven't given up a touchdown in 9 quarters! They've won 3 games in a row. Who does that!

Who does that? Teams that play 3 shitty teams in a row, 2 at home, do that.

Kansas State was losing to Texas Tech in Lubbock before Tech had to insert their 3rd string freshman QB who had never taken a snap in P5 football. Sadly for our good friends at Tech, that 3rd string freshman with no experience was named ... (checks notes) ... "Jake Strong" and not Arch Manning. 

Following the defeat of rising 3-5 juggernaut Texas Tech in Lubbock in comeback fashion, KSU has had the luxury of being home for the mighty 4-4 TCU Horned Frogs. TCU has beaten such football titans as Nicholls State, BYU, UH and SMU, 3 of them at home and the other at the formidable TDECU fortress in front of 12,000 slovenly UH fans. 

Last week, KSU ran roughshod over the mighty Houston Cougars at home to the tune of 41-0. That game followed two jihad games in a row for UH, both at home, where they played their guts out. Please spare us any concepts of the transitive property mattering at all here with a like opponent. No one needs to suffer that indignity. It's not applicable.

The reality is that Kansas State plays ugly on the road. They've lost two games as favorites to Missouri and Okie State when KSU was perfectly healthy and experienced. Requiring teams to sojourn in the podunk hillbilly shithole of Manhattan, KS takes more than a little wind out of the sails for any team unfortunate enough to have to visit there. I drove by that area last summer on a road trip and felt depressed just being within physical range of that soul-sucking dump. 

Texas has homefield advantage in this game and that's not a difference that should be poo-pooed. Part of Chris Klieman's folksy midwestern charm is that he can dial-up the underdog story with his team when they're playing in front of the home crowd. The dynamic shifts dramatically when preaching to inferior talent and inferior intellects who are about charge out onto a field in front of better talent being urged on 100,000 fans that KSU players and coaches will, deep down in their tiny minds, know are simply better than them. 

"But CTJ, KSU returns their whole OL!! They have 2 QBs! One of them even had a a hit single called 'MMMBop' back in the day! We're in deep shit on defense!"

Kansas State does indeed run an efficient offense and they have excellent experience across the offensive line. Cooper Beebe at LG might be an All American. Don't ever watch film of his performance and then consider that of our own Hayden Conner in comparison. It leads to dark thoughts and some pretty disturbing kidnapping fantasies. Anyway, the rest of the OL isn't covering itself in glory, particularly against better competition. They are indeed old though. The Texas pass rush should have an overall field day against these guys. KSU has faced nothing even similar to the Texas front 7. T'Vondre Sweat is going to pull a chokehold buttfuck on the right side of their OL along with Hill, Sorrell and the gang.

KSU is going with a 2 QB system now, which is a smart move given that Will Howard can't stand success and will actively try to lose games against any opponent with a pulse. His performance against Okie State was eerily familiar for me and felt like watching a rerun. Weird. He's a decent runner, so you can't ignore his legs. Like many mediocre QBs, pressure leads to mistakes for Howard and he'll go through periods where he can be a turnover machine. 

Enter freshman phenom, Avery Hanson. After a middling career as the third wheel in a traveling brother folk band, he's turned towards a more promising role as the change of pace QB when Will Howard's averageness simply won't do. Hanson's dulcet lilting as he flies by defenders off the edge has what appears to be a paralyzing effect on the opponent. The defense must wear earplugs while he's out there and focus on playing sound assignment football. With more film now available on the guy, Kwiatkowski has hopefully done his job and put a gameplan together that accounts for dealing with both QBs and what they bring to the table.

At the skill spots, KSU has a strong backfield with two TBs who are above average. Neither provides the kind of problems that the midget now playing for the Cowboys caused, but they're not holding the offense back. At WR, they have some dude named RJ Garcia at WR. I played with a wild ass vato named RJ Garcia in junior high, but there's no way he's just entered the college ranks at WR in 40's, is there? Anyway, their WR corps is a weak spot on offense. They're not going to simply streak by anyone on our defense if you ignore the fact that Michael Taaffe and Kitan Crawford will see meaningful snaps. KState does have a damned good TE in Ben "The Pussy Slayer" Sinnott. The Texas back 7 is going to have to prioritize this guy in route coverage, as he gets as much attention from the QBs as he does from cougars and sorority girls in the stands.

"closetojumping, Kansas State is going to go 3 high with their safety look. Steve Sarklostagain simply fades into playcaller's block when opponents do that!"

You fucking people and your nicknames. Christ.

Look, Oklahoma State provided a simple blueprint for handling the 3 high look from KSU. Line up in trips, force a safety to declare, and then you're playing against a standard two deep. Steve Sarkisian is an offensive genius, right? Then we need that genius to fucking show up and be a genius. Or just be a copycat. It doesn't take a genius. 

In truth, Texas is a poor match-up for the KSU defense. KSU's defense is small. They lost their solid MLB for the season earlier in the year. They have a tub of goo at NT who weighs a metric ton and brings the energy and get-off of a 7/11 clerk working the graveyard shift. The secondary lacks playmakers and the edge rush severely misses alphabet soup guy from last season. 

I assume the offense will be able to run the ball effectively early and bully the smaller opponent down the field. This should enable Murphy to settle in and exhibit competence in the passing game and utilize multiple weapons. That should lead to pain and punishment for KSU as the game rolls into the 4th quarter.

Hayden Conner needs to show up and act like he gives a shit. If he doesn't, bring in someone who will. It's past time to give someone else a look if this low-effort asscrack isn't going to get it done. Murphy needs to not throw off of his backfoot, like at all. If those two things happen, AD Mitchell mixes in a block or two, and Sarkisian can keep from turning into Corporal Upham during the middle of the game and make playcalls that make sense, the offense should roll. 

"CTJ, we always lose this kind of game. KSU is well-coached and their very polite, if intellectually bereft, fanbase travels well."

Kansas State doesn't travel as well as BYU, I can tell you that. What in the fuck was that last week? Shit. I think they had 10k there, at least. It didn't do them much good, nonetheless. 

KSU is a bully this season. They'll play like it Saturday. Texas needs to come out and hit them in the mouth early and stay physical. 

What do I mean by "bully"? Well, everything. 

1) They shit themselves on the road, as discussed.

2) They beat up on weak opponents and drive up their stats and scores accordingly. As frightening as "Southeast Missouri State" may sound, they're a weak FCS team. 4 Sacks and 588 yards of offense later and KSU showed them what tough guys they are. UCF is not ready for P5 football and hasn't won in the conference yet. KSU showed up with 4 sacks and over 500 yards in that matchup as well. 4 more sacks against Troy. 500+ yards against a hapless TCU defense that we've mocked all season. 

3) Against stronger competition, KSU looks mediocre to average. They had 2 sacks combined in road losses to OSU and Mizzou. They were outgained in both games. They lost the turnover battle in both games. Hell, Troy isn't a "bad" team, with two losses to KSU and JMU, but they are just a Sun Belt team with Sun Belt talent. Troy's defense did a good job against KSU, actually. Unfortunately, Troy's offense is poo and gave KSU a short field all game and it was never really in doubt. That's what KSU does - they feast on weaknesses. They're not going to go good on good versus similar or advantaged talent and win most of those match-ups. 

Texas needs to win or neutralize the turnover battle and show up with high energy against a decent opponent. If Texas does that, they're ultimately going to overwhelm KSU and the mudhole will be thoroughly pounded. 

While I know this won't do much to assuage the handwringers, here's hoping some logic and an understanding that this Texas team is a return to prior periods of dominance, will help some of the rest of you people get your shit together.

Texas rolls this weekend - 38-13. 

Hook'em

 

That was a lot of words to tell the world you are an id10t

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