"Brisket for dummies" questions

[Saint Austin 745]

I've been asked to smoke a brisket this weekend for my in-laws, only problem is, due to not owning a smoker, I've never attempted it before. How best should I proceed, including what and where to purchase the meat?

[Hank Scorpio 17729]

Sounds like you are fucked. 

[TornACL 7698]

5 minutes ago, Saint Austin said:

I've been asked to smoke a brisket this weekend for my in-laws, only problem is, due to not owning a smoker, I've never attempted it before. How best should I proceed, including what and where to purchase the meat?

We are going to need the back story as to why your in-laws thought they should ask someone who doesn't own a smoker, to smoke a brisket.

[Anastasis 23463]

1. Buy WSM.

2. Got to HEB and purchase an untrimmed cryovac packer. 

3. Obtain coarse ground pepper and kosher salt, mix in 2:1 ratio. Coat brisket thoroughly. 

4. Build fire using minion method, intersperse oak chunks.

5. ????

6. Profit

[Chilly Water 415]

For starters, get a smoker

[HouTex 1866]

Order out. If that's not an option for some reason and if they don't really know good brisket from garbage, roast a brisket in the oven and for (bad) smoke flavor use--gasp--liquid smoke. But order out.

[Tylerocks 2553]

Call up your local BBQ place, do a bulk order for pick up.

 

Lay it all out and pretend you cooked it for the previous 15 hours.

 

[Saint Austin 745]

39 minutes ago, TornACL said:

We are going to need the back story as to why your in-laws thought they should ask someone who doesn't own a smoker, to smoke a brisket.

Fair question. They're yankees. That said, father-in-law owns a smoker, he's just not apt at using it. And because the rest of his family is sick of eating his dry AF brisket, they drafted me to try using his smoker.

Edited July 11, 2018 by Saint Austin

[HouTex 1866]

Fair question. They're yankees. That said, father-in-law owns a smoker, he's just not apt at using it. And because the rest of his family is sick of eating his dry AF brisket, they drafted me to try using his smoker.

So you will have access to a smoker. What kind?

[Baboontyme 2809]

 

Edited July 12, 2018 by Baboontyme

[Upgrayedd 5810]

27 minutes ago, Saint Austin said:

Fair question. They're yankees. That said, father-in-law owns a smoker, he's just not apt at using it. And because the rest of his family is sick of eating his dry AF brisket, they drafted me to try using his smoker.

I think you need a turkey pan and liquid smoke as well.

[Beau Vine 54208]

I was planning on smoking a 12 pound brisket on Saturday but I had a last minute recording session and had to leave town, my wife messed up the recipe but it turned out great, here is what happened:

I brined the 12 pound brisket starting Friday night then left town.
My wife on Saturday night forgot what I told her and took the brisket out of the brine and rinsed it, she then rubbed it with a mixture of ground chipotle pepper, black pepper, chili powder, sugar, cumin and cilantro, she then cut it in two (don't ask why) and put each piece in a large freezer bag, put half a bottle of liquid smoke in each bag and put them back in the fridge, on Sunday night she put both pieces into a large metal turkey roasting pan then covered them with a mixture of Stubbs and cattleman's BBQ sauce, she cooked it at 225 for 5 hours. I was pissed with I got home and while I was yelling about her screwing up my brisket she shoves a piece of the brisket in my mouth, I almost popped a boner, it was the best fuckng brisket I have ever tasted outside of a restaurant. My wife is giving me the biggest shit eating grin along with a told you so look.

[Jerry Callo 8699]

55 minutes ago, Saint Austin said:

Fair question. They're yankees. That said, father-in-law owns a smoker, he's just not apt at using it. And because the rest of his family is sick of eating his dry AF brisket, they drafted me to try using his smoker.

[Hank Scorpio 17729]

18 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I was planning on smoking a 12 pound brisket on Saturday but I had a last minute recording session and had to leave town, my wife messed up the recipe but it turned out great, here is what happened:

I brined the 12 pound brisket starting Friday night then left town.
My wife on Saturday night forgot what I told her and took the brisket out of the brine and rinsed it, she then rubbed it with a mixture of ground chipotle pepper, black pepper, chili powder, sugar, cumin and cilantro, she then cut it in two (don't ask why) and put each piece in a large freezer bag, put half a bottle of liquid smoke in each bag and put them back in the fridge, on Sunday night she put both pieces into a large metal turkey roasting pan then covered them with a mixture of Stubbs and cattleman's BBQ sauce, she cooked it at 225 for 5 hours. I was pissed with I got home and while I was yelling about her screwing up my brisket she shoves a piece of the brisket in my mouth, I almost popped a boner, it was the best fuckng brisket I have ever tasted outside of a restaurant. My wife is giving me the biggest shit eating grin along with a told you so look.

Whatever happened to that psychopath Rabidhorn? 

[Mack Tripper 696]

59 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I was planning on smoking a 12 pound brisket on Saturday but I had a last minute recording session and had to leave town, my wife messed up the recipe but it turned out great, here is what happened:

I brined the 12 pound brisket starting Friday night then left town.
My wife on Saturday night forgot what I told her and took the brisket out of the brine and rinsed it, she then rubbed it with a mixture of ground chipotle pepper, black pepper, chili powder, sugar, cumin and cilantro, she then cut it in two (don't ask why) and put each piece in a large freezer bag, put half a bottle of liquid smoke in each bag and put them back in the fridge, on Sunday night she put both pieces into a large metal turkey roasting pan then covered them with a mixture of Stubbs and cattleman's BBQ sauce, she cooked it at 225 for 5 hours. I was pissed with I got home and while I was yelling about her screwing up my brisket she shoves a piece of the brisket in my mouth, I almost popped a boner, it was the best fuckng brisket I have ever tasted outside of a restaurant. My wife is giving me the biggest shit eating grin along with a told you so look.

Whatever the question was, I was coming to post this. Internets to you. 

[Lhorn 4911]

2 hours ago, Hank Scorpio said:

Sounds like you are fucked. 

Lol. Who would make such a request?  

[jimmyjazz 45890]

1 hour ago, Saint Austin said:

Fair question. They're yankees. That said, father-in-law owns a smoker, he's just not apt at using it. 

It's not difficult.  Get some lump charcoal (not Kingsford briquets, and not mesquite, but true hardwood lump from hickory or oak or apple, etc.)  Also buy some actual dry wood chunks, again not mesquite.  Put the charcoal where the fuel goes and light it on fire.  Buy a thermometer and stick it in a potato with the tip in free air and monitor the temperature of the main chamber.  Cover the brisket with a bunch of salt, twice that much coarse ground black pepper, put it near the potato and smoke it for at least an hour a pound.  Try to manage the fire so that the chamber doesn't go above 275 F ish.  Pray.

[bluto 4913]

Holy shit I hope this adventure makes Facebook, knowing the OP irl makes this all the more incredible. 

[Tylerocks 2553]

This thread should turn into Saint Austin's photoblog of the entire day.

 

It could be epic.

[Wally Fairway 5541]

1. buy some lump charcoal & oak chunks for your FIL smoker
1a. buy some bourbon and some beer for you (soak the oak chunks in a small amount of bourbon)
2. about 12 hours before you want to eat, light the lump charcoal
2a. after the charcoal fire has started to spread put the bourbon soaked oak on the charcoal
3. close up the smoker and let it heat up
4. start drinking the bourbon and beer
5. check the temperature of your smoker every 15 minutes & take a drink
6. throw some piece of meat on the smoker after your first 3 or 4 drinks
7. about 90 minutes before you need to eat, find an excuse to have to go the to store
7a. don't go to the store, go to a top-line Q place and buy a whole brisket & sneak it into the smoker
8. after 10-15 minutes (or one more drink), pull the brisket and tell them it has to set for 20 minutes
9. have another drink
10. slice the brisket and celebrate

Plan b - http://virtualweberbullet.com/cook.html (it really isn't that hard)

[Gene Parmesan 4002]

Liquid smoke and throw it in a crock pot.  Problem solved.

[Gil Bang 25921]

I smoked one on Monday, on my kid's new offset.  

Used lump with Oak chunks.  Moist side was fantastic.  Lean side looked great, had amazing smoke ring (i know, i know) but was dry as fuck. 

Started probing at 195.  Moist side was vagina butter at 198.  Lean side probed not as easy.   Moist side was towards firebox.  Should I have rotated?  I did add a small water pan. 

 

[lonestarsooner 121]

3 hours ago, Anastasis said:

1. Buy WSM. Buy BGE/Kamado Joe

2. Got to HEB Costco and purchase an USDA Prime untrimmed cryovac packer. 

3. Obtain coarse ground pepper and kosher salt, mix in 2:1 ratio. Coat brisket thoroughly. 

4. Build fire using minion method, intersperse oak chunks.

5. ????

6. Profit

FIFY

[Anastasis 23463]

16 minutes ago, lonestarsooner said:

FIFY

Meh, not a huge fan of the porcelain coookers, but that's personal preference.  I don't have a dogmatic belief on grading wrt brisket. I have had some really awesome primes, and some that disappointed.  I have had a bunch of really awesome choice grades that were better than the primes. One of the most disappointing briskets I have tasted recently was wagyu from blackboard BBQ outside boerne. Never cooking one myself.  eta:blackboards angus brisket was better than the wagyu imo, but was not cut correctly. 

Edited July 11, 2018 by Anastasis

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

[immamac 42837]

Where do you live? I can just come smoke you a brisket. 

[deadshank 24652]

You're going to need really big rolling papers. 

Go buy some good BBQ somewhere.  Swallow your pride and kick your Yankee FIL in the giblets. 

[LW Goatman 1119]

Agree with most that you're most likely going to fuck this up. Just buy it from somewhere.

[phdhorn 6224]

Just boil it. It won't be as good, but they won't know the difference.

[Moby Ric 2058]

Yankees?  Who gives a fuck, just go get Rudy's and say you did it.  I did that several years ago for some family in from Virginia.  (Who I honestly do not like that much anyway). I didn't have that much time to cook for them.  They thought I was fucking Aaron Franklin.  But they don't know who he is so it really didn't matter.

[jimmyjazz 45890]

I strongly disagree.  There's nothing like your first brisket.  Do it.  Who cares if it sucks.

[immortal13 4059]

I would care

[Beau Vine 54208]

Yeah, I would too.

[Jameslaw121 4448]

If you're going to be at home, just go buy an electric smoker from HD. They're like $150, pretty well worth it until you get really good at smoking stuff.

[Anastasis 23463]

6 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

If you're going to be at home, just go buy an electric smoker from HD. They're like $150, pretty well worth it until you get really good at smoking stuff.

I really want to neg this post. 

[Jameslaw121 4448]

5 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

I really want to neg this post. 

Feel free. Electric smokers aren't the greatest thing in the world, but for a novice smoker it's a great way to start. Like training wheels for meat. 

 

[Anastasis 23463]

2 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Feel free. Electric smokers aren't the greatest thing in the world, but for a novice smoker it's a great way to start. Like training wheels for meat.   

Meh, I dont believe in negging. 

But I strongly disagree with this.  This is not rocket science we are talking about. If you need training wheels, that is what a WSM is for. 

[immortal13 4059]

OP, I got you bro

Sam's Club, $19.99. And I think there is already bbq sauce in there. 

[Both Tacos 1806]

Holy shit I hope this adventure makes Facebook, knowing the OP irl makes this all the more incredible. 

And as a true surly friend, I expect that you are going to bring updates to this post.

[Moby Ric 2058]

1 hour ago, jimmyjazz said:

I strongly disagree.  There's nothing like your first brisket.  Do it.  Who cares if it sucks.

This man has no time.

[Both Tacos 1806]

Let's see.
1. You have never smoked a brisket before.
2. You are using a smoker that you aren't familiar with.
3. You are trying to out due your FIL.

What could possibly go wrong?

Don't forget the French dressing.

Seriously, YouTube search Aaron Franklin's brisket series and may the brisket gods be with you. In a pinch call 1-800-Champkind for $19.99 brisket tutorial.

[Deej 76755]

If you really want to impress some Yankees, no better way than a big pot of Jade's chili.

[dcbc 14465]

7 hours ago, Anastasis said:

1. Buy WSM.

2. Got to HEB and purchase an untrimmed cryovac packer. 

3. Obtain coarse ground pepper and kosher salt, mix in 2:1 ratio. Coat brisket thoroughly. 

4. Build fire using minion method, intersperse oak chunks.

5. ????

6. Profit

This is the answer.  Plus . . .

 

5.  Between 9 pm and midnight, put brisket on with 1 probe in brisket and 1 for grate temperature. Run with the top vent open and, for starters, with all the bottom vents open.  When the temp gets to about 220, close 2 vents and close the third vent to the amount only a pencil will fit through.  Watch your temp for about twenty minute, but it should settle between 225 and 250.  Go to sleep.  Twelve hours later, add charcoal.  If the brisket is above 165, wrap in butcher paper (or foil) and but back on the WSM (or skip wrapping and power on).  When brisket gets to about 200 F, start probing.  If it probes like WVB, pull it and rest.  If not, be patient.  By 210, it ought to probe done.  But be patient.  Rest for 30 minutes to an hour and store in a cooler or warm oven until time to serve.  Slice against the grain starting at the point and slicing in a fan pattern until you get to the point, turn the point section 90 degrees and slice some more.  Slices should be about a pencil-width.   Proceed to Step 6.

[CooterBrown 18004]

They’re fucking Yankees. Grilling is BBQ to those shitheads. This is a perfect opportunity to serve them some derka dogs.

[Firemans4Horn 18034]

Hot and fast method or bust. 

Edited July 12, 2018 by Firemans4Horn

[jimmyjazz 45890]

4 hours ago, immortal13 said:

I would care

It's his in-laws.  Who cares? 

Like you never smoked a shitty brisket.

[Wally Fairway 5541]

11 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

They’re fucking Yankees. Grilling is BBQ to those shitheads. This is a perfect opportunity to serve them some derka dogs.

 

10 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

It's his in-laws.  Who cares? 

Like you never smoked a shitty brisket.

FWIW - I'm a Yankee, I smoked a shitty brisket (long story) and all of my family loved it

shitty brisket was the first time I cooked at my house and transported it to my parents. I didn't let it rest before wrapping it and putting it in the cooler to transport it. Brisket sat in the cooler 2-4 hours and came out like an overdone pot roast. I was embarrassed, and learned a couple of valuable lessons.

a) rest before wrapping and transporting or it will continue to cook
b) almost everyone enjoyed it, so what the fuck don't fret over it

I took a brisket again the next year and it was great (well great for me, anyway), just have to get the temp down to around 150 before transporting it.
Even if I make a mediocre brisket, nobody up here knows the difference (unless I run into Baboon)

 

[TornACL 7698]

If the OP is going to document the entire day in photos (which he should be obligated to do, IMO), I request that he also buy himself a nice bottle of bourbon and consume it throughout the process.

I mean, you're not really smoking a brisket if you aren't drinking the entire time.

[Jameslaw121 4448]

18 minutes ago, TornACL said:

If the OP is going to document the entire day in photos (which he should be obligated to do, IMO), I request that he also buy himself a nice bottle of bourbon and consume it throughout the process.

I mean, you're not really smoking a brisket if you aren't drinking the entire time.

^^^^ He's right you know.

The best part about smoking delicious smoked meats is waking up and having a beer (or whiskey) at 4:00 in the morning when everyone else is asleep and it's just you and the dog.

[Moby Ric 2058]

I thought the only reason to smoke a brisket was so you can drink in the morning.