Purity Balls ….

[tx 3 putt 76972]

 

Does a purity pledge include anal and oral sex ?

hand jobs ?

jacking off on her face ?

 

[Brian Fantana 6689]

I....what

Can one of you weirdo Christians please explain this to me

[tx 3 putt 76972]

1 minute ago, Brian Fantana said:

I....what

Can one of you weirdo Christians please explain this to me

There are posters here that have/had purity pledges with their daughters 

[YGIFS 19450]

Wait, I get the spirit of the whole thing.  But with a straight face and power of Christ, somebody sat down to write the copy for the invitations and consciously skipped over:

Purity Galas

Purity Dances

Purity Fetes

Purity Pageants 

Purity Jubilees

and went with “Purity Balls”?  I know most of them were home-schooled, but somebody on that planning committee had to have attended Junior High.  

[Irwin F Fletcher 3550]

Purity balls are what I refer to my ProV1 golf balls on a water hole.

[Brian Fantana 6689]

8 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

There are posters here that have/had purity pledges with their daughters 

[YGIFS 19450]

Budget subcommittee, “We will have to cut back on flowers, linens, and appetizers for the expenses have drained the funds of the Purity Balls dry.”

you liberal sinners can beat the Purity Balls all you want.  And they may get sore afterwards, but they’ll descend back to Earth and finish their work.  The Purity Balls always come again.  And you know their climax upon your forehead as you are marked for either salvation or damnation 

Edited December 22, 2023 by YGIFS

[F250 28777]

His son is his porn accountability partner?

[atomheartbevo 89675]

8 minutes ago, F250 said:

His son is his porn accountability partner?

Yep, which means his son gets a full report of what he does on his phone, that he uses for government business, whose data is being scanned by a third-party company to ensure that he's not looking at porn.

So a bit traitorish as well.

[ChuckNorrisActionJeans 2678]

Always thought there should be mother/son equivalents ... call them Blue Balls.

[atomheartbevo 89675]

9 minutes ago, ChuckNorrisActionJeans said:

Always thought there should be mother/son equivalents ... call them Blue Balls.

What about stepmother/son balls?

[YGIFS 19450]

9 minutes ago, ChuckNorrisActionJeans said:

Always thought there should be mother/son equivalents ... call them Blue Balls.

I think there’d be more of them if the moms didn’t keep getting stuck in the dryer or under the coffee table before the first dance.  

[SaucyJack 3488]

I always wondered what this was.  The more you know.

 

[tx 3 putt 76972]

9 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

What about stepmother/son balls?

if you knew anything, you’d know the real issue is hot step moms getting stuck in dryers 

[Anastasis 23472]

1 hour ago, Brian Fantana said:

I....what

Can one of you weirdo Christians please explain this to me

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

And we get a thread about it here cause Twitter. Hope that sums it up. 

[atomheartbevo 89675]

14 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

That and the third-in-line to the Presidency participated in this weird shit.

[texasdago 7573]

9 hours ago, Anastasis said:

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

And we get a thread about it here cause Twitter. Hope that sums it up. 

Go to a big evangelical church and it is not completely alien to them.  You might hear about it during the announcements and before the pastor rails on elected officials... non-politically, of course.  

[Brian Fantana 6689]

9 hours ago, Anastasis said:

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

And we get a thread about it here cause Twitter. Hope that sums it up. 

It's getting play because it's the fucking speaker of the house lmao

I know not all Christians are like this, not even close, but it's so bizarre to me.

[Biff Tannen 45690]

11 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Wait, I get the spirit of the whole thing.  But with a straight face and power of Christ, somebody sat down to write the copy for the invitations and consciously skipped over:

Purity Galas

Purity Dances

Purity Fetes

Purity Pageants 

Purity Jubilees

and went with “Purity Balls”?  I know most of them were home-schooled, but somebody on that planning committee had to have attended Junior High.  

 

[Pato del Muerto 52501]

10 hours ago, ChuckNorrisActionJeans said:

Always thought there should be mother/son equivalents ... call them Blue Balls.

You mean the Oedipal soirée?

[Anastasis 23472]

46 minutes ago, texasdago said:

Go to a big evangelical church

No thank you. But if I did and I was with my family, pretty sure my boys would be laughing their ass off at the wording of purity "balls" and one of them would ask if there was a such thing as a "purity farts". 

 

[Captainant 27677]

9 hours ago, Anastasis said:

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

And we get a thread about it here cause Twitter. Hope that sums it up. 

Lolwut my megachurch in San Antonio took people to purity events - they weren't balls, but they handed out promise rings and had everyone sign a thing saying they wouldn't have sex until married. It's absolutely part of the christian evangelical mainstream, despite your wishes that it weren't. 

14 minutes ago, Brian Fantana said:

It's getting play because it's the fucking speaker of the house lmao

I know not all Christians are like this, not even close, but it's so bizarre to me.

It's not a majority of christians, but it's a major plurality of them and theyve got the proverbial microphone 

[Anastasis 23472]

14 minutes ago, Brian Fantana said:

It's getting play because it's the fucking speaker of the house lmao

 

Clearly one of the more pressing issues we face in the world today is the decade old abstinence promotion activities engaged in by the current SOTH with his adolescent children. 

[hayden_horn 11362]

[Anastasis 23472]

2 minutes ago, Captainant said:

Lolwut my megachurch in San Antonio took people to purity events - they weren't balls, but they handed out promise rings and had everyone sign a thing saying they wouldn't have sex until married. It's absolutely part of the christian evangelical mainstream, despite your wishes that it weren't. 

 

Yeah, I understand the messaging on abstinence. I don't have a problem with parents who choose to take that route. Signing abstinence commitments seems, well, masturbatory. Celebrating such commitments in a gala format?  Well I am not even sure how to describe that one.  

[Anastasis 23472]

Whatever description, it should include the word "performative". 

[Captainant 27677]

1 minute ago, Anastasis said:

Yeah, I understand the messaging on abstinence. I don't have a problem with parents who choose to take that route. Signing abstinence commitments seems, well, masturbatory. Celebrating such commitments in a gala format?  Well I am not even sure how to describe that one.  

I think it's more the southern impulse to put on a big ball to make a to-do about a thing they care about. Debutante balls are weird as fuck, but they're still going strong. Cross that culture of weird big gala events with being BIG MAD at the thought of their daughters being sexual, and bingo bango you've got purity balls. 

You describe it as fucking insane, and as a predominant sect of christianity. 

[Anastasis 23472]

 

1 minute ago, Captainant said:

You describe it as fucking insane, and as a predominant sect of southern white american protestant christianity. 

fify?

[Captainant 27677]

It's THE sect of southern white American protestant Christianity - and currently it's the most powerful, influential, and politically effective sect in the country. Ain't nobody else controlling the levers of government like them. 

[Brisketexan 105147]

2 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

 

fify?

How about "the white fundagelical sect of protestant christianity that controls multiple state governments, the House, and the SCOTUS?"  I think that both refines the accuracy and explains the relevance.  This isn't some wackadoo cult living in the backwoods of Appalachia.....it's a cult that currently controls the government of this state and several other important states, controls the man third in line for the presidency, and has outsized influence in the House overall as well as the highest court in the land.  So....yeah, their wackadoo beliefs are, unfortunately, relevant.

[Nice Guy Eddie 13512]

23 minutes ago, Captainant said:

everyone sign a thing saying they wouldn't have sex until married. 

what is the failure rate of these pledges? 100%?

[Brisketexan 105147]

19 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

what is the failure rate of these pledges? 100%?

I mean....everyone with a lick of sense knows that some of the best sex of your young life happens with the "I'm not that kind of girl" types of girls at church camp.

Shit, I went to Catholic schools from 1st grade through Sr. year of high school.  In 8th grade, our school was considering implementing a basic sex education component to the curriculum.  Of course, the most puritanical parents opposed it.  One in particular, who was prone to over-the-top religious bullshit, so much that her nickname was "Pope."  At the school board meeting to discuss implementing it, I was there to speak in support.  My mother was with me.  "Pope" was up there ranting about how our young children are too innocent to hear such filth, and be exposed to such nastiness.  At that point, I leaned over to my mom and said "so....when I get up, should I mentioned that we all saw her daughter Jane getting fingered by my buddy Steve in the back of the bus on the way back from the basketball game last week?"  

Mom said no, I shouldn't mention that.  So I didn't.

Edited December 22, 2023 by Brisketexan

[wildcat09 29354]

10 hours ago, Anastasis said:

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

And we get a thread about it here cause Twitter. Hope that sums it up. 

It's pretty normal in evangelical communities. Pretending otherwise doesn't help anything.

[tx 3 putt 76972]

Does a purity pledge give a thumbs up or down to sex with church officials ?

[Blotto 23520]

Just now, tx 3 putt said:

Does a purity pledge give a thumbs up or down to sex with church officials ?

Those daughters should consider it a blessing to have their deacon's saggy purity balls dragged across their face. It's God's will. 

[C-Man 27230]

11 hours ago, YGIFS said:

I think there’d be more of them if the moms didn’t keep getting stuck in the dryer or under the coffee table before the first dance.  

Ah, yes, the 2020's version of "I'm here to fix the cable" pron

[RPM 26321]

 

Edited December 22, 2023 by RPM

[conVINCEd 21469]

The poophole loophole.

[Macanudo 12979]

30 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

I mean....everyone with a lick of sense knows that some of the best sex of your young life happens with the "I'm not that kind of girl" types of girls at church camp.

Shit, I went to Catholic schools from 1st grade through Sr. year of high school.  In 8th grade, our school was considering implementing a basic sex education component to the curriculum.  Of course, the most puritanical parents opposed it.  One in particular, who was prone to over-the-top religious bullshit, so much that her nickname was "Pope."  At the school board meeting to discuss implementing it, I was there to speak in support.  My mother was with me.  "Pope" was up there ranting about how our young children are too innocent to hear such filth, and be exposed to such nastiness.  At that point, I leaned over to my mom and said "so....when I get up, should I mentioned that we all saw her daughter Jane getting fingered by my buddy Steve in the back of the bus on the way back from the basketball game last week?"  

Mom said no, I shouldn't mention that.  So I didn't.

Should have brought up that Mary was probably around 14-15 when God impregnated her.

[shakahorn 1645]

50 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

what is the failure rate of these pledges? 100%?

Yeah I just don't get it.  What world did these parents grow up in where they think something like this will actually work?  Or not realize that this will cause the actual opposite effect and encourage their kids to get it on?

[Anastasis 23472]

55 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

How about "the white fundagelical sect of protestant christianity that controls multiple state governments, the House, and the SCOTUS?"

I told yall motherfuckers "moar lions" a long time ago. 

And ftr, SCOTUS is at least nominally vast majority catholic. I guess you got an anglican in there. The only real protestant is black. One jew at the moment. Wasn't there a discussion here in the past about the relationship between justices and faith traditions that have a strong canonical law history.  

['stache 21816]

[Underdog 28656]

12 hours ago, Brian Fantana said:

I....what

Can one of you weirdo Christians please explain this to me

Only daddy is allowed to pop her cherry… clear enough for you? 
 

In the name of Christianity, of course. 

Edited December 22, 2023 by Underdog

['stache 21816]

1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

How about "the white fundagelical sect of protestant christianity that controls multiple state governments, the House, and the SCOTUS?"  I think that both refines the accuracy and explains the relevance.  This isn't some wackadoo cult living in the backwoods of Appalachia.....it's a cult that currently controls the government of this state and several other important states, controls the man third in line for the presidency, and has outsized influence in the House overall as well as the highest court in the land.  So....yeah, their wackadoo beliefs are, unfortunately, relevant.

I see we're back to "the predominant form of Christianity practiced by people in power who are using their beliefs to run all of our lives" isn't the real form of Christianity so we shouldn't be so judgy. Sorry, but your little Sunday clubs finally ran amok, and I'm gonna be judgy as shit. It's becoming like the republican party at this point. Sure some of you don't worship the racist fascist fuck face but those in power do so I'm gonna judge the shit out of anyone who votes R at this point. If we want to Make America Great again, how about we treat religion the way the founding fathers did and how it was generally viewed in this country before that shit head Reagan embraced the "Moral Majority" and started manipulating the masses to do their bidding in the name of religion? Yeah, I'm gonna keep judging until you all get your fucking house in order and get that shit out of politics and stop trying to run a fucking theocracy. Worship however the fuck you want in your own lives. Let your kids get blowjobs and anal at Falls Creek. I really don't give a shit until they started using that shit to run our fucking lives and demonize anyone who isn't a rich WASP. Fuck it all.

[YGIFS 19450]

Some of whiners are acting like we are picking on some backwoods hick Christians who don’t know any better to anecdotally pick a political fight.  This is the head of one our three branches of government.  Not some guy passing out brochures at an Amtrak station.  
there is being a man of faith and then there’s being an abject creepy asshat 

[Gap03 3308]

7 minutes ago, 'stache said:

I see we're back to "the predominant form of Christianity practiced by people in power who are using their beliefs to run all of our lives" isn't the real form of Christianity so we shouldn't be so judgy. Sorry, but your little Sunday clubs finally ran amok, and I'm gonna be judgy as shit. It's becoming like the republican party at this point. Sure some of you don't worship the racist fascist fuck face but those in power do so I'm gonna judge the shit out of anyone who votes R at this point. If we want to Make America Great again, how about we treat religion the way the founding fathers did and how it was generally viewed in this country before that shit head Reagan embraced the "Moral Majority" and started manipulating the masses to do their bidding in the name of religion? Yeah, I'm gonna keep judging until you all get your fucking house in order and get that shit out of politics and stop trying to run a fucking theocracy. Worship however the fuck you want in your own lives. Let your kids get blowjobs and anal at Falls Creek. I really don't give a shit until they started using that shit to run our fucking lives and demonize anyone who isn't a rich WASP. Fuck it all.

['stache 21816]

15 minutes ago, Gap03 said:

Haha, kinda, but not as funny, because I'm genuinely pissed off at today's predominant (or most visible if some of you prefer) form of Christianity. Just blows my mind how awful people are in the name of a religion that is supposed to make them good. I just don't get it.

[Celery Man 20959]

Do you have to tell your porn accountability partner if you pay a pornstar for sex while your third wife is at home with your newborn?

[Degenerate Gardner 4085]

1 hour ago, Captainant said:

Lolwut my megachurch in San Antonio took people to purity events - they weren't balls, but they handed out promise rings and had everyone sign a thing saying they wouldn't have sex until married. 

Putting that kind of weight on an adolescent’s signature not to have sex is folly. The penis stronger than the word.

 

 

[Gatorubet 30240]

1 hour ago, Blotto said:

Those daughters should consider it a blessing to have their deacon's saggy purity balls dragged across their face. It's God's will. 

“What’s good for the shepherd is good for the sheep…”.  - Jim Bakker, per Jessica Hahn