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Shart 2024: What's that spot on the bathroom floor?

Prepuce of Doom

By Prepuce of Doom
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  • 2 weeks later...
Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105039

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Had. Long and frustrating day. Ended with frustrating travel (sitting on the tarmac for 45 mins waiting for a gate, and functionally no cell signal - txts to my wife got out, but none came in.
I keep she had a bad day too, and then her frustration with me and my lack of communication made her even more frustrated. We had a dinner reservation. When I finally got off the plane, she messaged that she just wants to stay home, she’s not even hungry, it was such a crappy day. Are you sure? Maybe I could pick you something up? Her: no, I don’t want dinner.
So, I cancel the reservation.
Get home, walk in the door, she says “we can still go to dinner if you want. I was just venting.”
I was able to grab a reservation just 15 mins after the original one, but goddammit.
Oh, and then dinner hit me like a brick and I damn near shat myself. Spicy ramen. Full urgle gurgles. Three different times on the drive home, I had to consciously just pinch back with everything I had. A few small gas bubbles slip out, but just gas. We pull up…and I have to walk slowly, clenched, to the house. Immediately hit the guest bathroom….and desecrated it. Sour, putrid, just like my day.

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11819

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2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Had. Long and frustrating day. Ended with frustrating travel (sitting on the tarmac for 45 mins waiting for a gate, and functionally no cell signal - txts to my wife got out, but none came in.
I keep she had a bad day too, and then her frustration with me and my lack of communication made her even more frustrated. We had a dinner reservation. When I finally got off the plane, she messaged that she just wants to stay home, she’s not even hungry, it was such a crappy day. Are you sure? Maybe I could pick you something up? Her: no, I don’t want dinner.
So, I cancel the reservation.
Get home, walk in the door, she says “we can still go to dinner if you want. I was just venting.”
I was able to grab a reservation just 15 mins after the original one, but goddammit.
Oh, and then dinner hit me like a brick and I damn near shat myself. Spicy ramen. Full urgle gurgles. Three different times on the drive home, I had to consciously just pinch back with everything I had. A few small gas bubbles slip out, but just gas. We pull up…and I have to walk slowly, clenched, to the house. Immediately hit the guest bathroom….and desecrated it. Sour, putrid, just like my day.

Welcome to old age, mi amigo.  If my life were an Indian name, at this point it would be “hesitates to fart”.  Cuz lord knows what might happen.

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'stache

'stache 21789

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 5/31/2024 at 8:40 PM, Brisketexan said:

Had. Long and frustrating day. Ended with frustrating travel (sitting on the tarmac for 45 mins waiting for a gate, and functionally no cell signal - txts to my wife got out, but none came in.
I keep she had a bad day too, and then her frustration with me and my lack of communication made her even more frustrated. We had a dinner reservation. When I finally got off the plane, she messaged that she just wants to stay home, she’s not even hungry, it was such a crappy day. Are you sure? Maybe I could pick you something up? Her: no, I don’t want dinner.
So, I cancel the reservation.
Get home, walk in the door, she says “we can still go to dinner if you want. I was just venting.”
I was able to grab a reservation just 15 mins after the original one, but goddammit.
Oh, and then dinner hit me like a brick and I damn near shat myself. Spicy ramen. Full urgle gurgles. Three different times on the drive home, I had to consciously just pinch back with everything I had. A few small gas bubbles slip out, but just gas. We pull up…and I have to walk slowly, clenched, to the house. Immediately hit the guest bathroom….and desecrated it. Sour, putrid, just like my day.

A shit so bad you forgot how to type. Slight brain damage maybe? PTSD? Been there.

Edited by 'stache
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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105039

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Goddammit.  I have the bubble guts again, round 2 over the last week.  Wake up ripping ass, safely.  Then...a shift.  The speed with which one can go from "one in the magazine" to "one in the chamber" is incredible.  Like, faster-than-light travel is possible within my colon.  One second you're gassy but safe.  A millisecond later, you best pinch back, because there's a giant .50 cal round behind a hair trigger, ready to go off.

Four rounds thus far today.  Four.  FML.

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  • 1 month later...
Sandman

Sandman 3403

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At the office yesterday and at about 3:30 or so, I'm feeling the urge. Not a liquid attack, just that I was gonna have to shit soon. I thought "I can make it till I get home". 4:15 comes around and those thoughts were dashed. I had to speed-waddle to the bathroom and unleash a leviathan. I realized at that moment that, if I had rolled the dice on waiting till I got home, I would've shit my pants in the car. Other than times of severe illness, this is the closest I've been to having that happen. 

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