Shart 2024: What's that spot on the bathroom floor?

[Blotto 23293]

Concise, gets right to the point. A straight sharter with upper management written all over him.

[Longhornstampede 3173]

Still holding out...

[Brisketexan 103654]

Had. Long and frustrating day. Ended with frustrating travel (sitting on the tarmac for 45 mins waiting for a gate, and functionally no cell signal - txts to my wife got out, but none came in.
I keep she had a bad day too, and then her frustration with me and my lack of communication made her even more frustrated. We had a dinner reservation. When I finally got off the plane, she messaged that she just wants to stay home, she’s not even hungry, it was such a crappy day. Are you sure? Maybe I could pick you something up? Her: no, I don’t want dinner.
So, I cancel the reservation.
Get home, walk in the door, she says “we can still go to dinner if you want. I was just venting.”
I was able to grab a reservation just 15 mins after the original one, but goddammit.
Oh, and then dinner hit me like a brick and I damn near shat myself. Spicy ramen. Full urgle gurgles. Three different times on the drive home, I had to consciously just pinch back with everything I had. A few small gas bubbles slip out, but just gas. We pull up…and I have to walk slowly, clenched, to the house. Immediately hit the guest bathroom….and desecrated it. Sour, putrid, just like my day.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11730]

2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Had. Long and frustrating day. Ended with frustrating travel (sitting on the tarmac for 45 mins waiting for a gate, and functionally no cell signal - txts to my wife got out, but none came in.
I keep she had a bad day too, and then her frustration with me and my lack of communication made her even more frustrated. We had a dinner reservation. When I finally got off the plane, she messaged that she just wants to stay home, she’s not even hungry, it was such a crappy day. Are you sure? Maybe I could pick you something up? Her: no, I don’t want dinner.
So, I cancel the reservation.
Get home, walk in the door, she says “we can still go to dinner if you want. I was just venting.”
I was able to grab a reservation just 15 mins after the original one, but goddammit.
Oh, and then dinner hit me like a brick and I damn near shat myself. Spicy ramen. Full urgle gurgles. Three different times on the drive home, I had to consciously just pinch back with everything I had. A few small gas bubbles slip out, but just gas. We pull up…and I have to walk slowly, clenched, to the house. Immediately hit the guest bathroom….and desecrated it. Sour, putrid, just like my day.

Welcome to old age, mi amigo.  If my life were an Indian name, at this point it would be “hesitates to fart”.  Cuz lord knows what might happen.

['stache 21591]

On 5/31/2024 at 8:40 PM, Brisketexan said:

Had. Long and frustrating day. Ended with frustrating travel (sitting on the tarmac for 45 mins waiting for a gate, and functionally no cell signal - txts to my wife got out, but none came in.
I keep she had a bad day too, and then her frustration with me and my lack of communication made her even more frustrated. We had a dinner reservation. When I finally got off the plane, she messaged that she just wants to stay home, she’s not even hungry, it was such a crappy day. Are you sure? Maybe I could pick you something up? Her: no, I don’t want dinner.
So, I cancel the reservation.
Get home, walk in the door, she says “we can still go to dinner if you want. I was just venting.”
I was able to grab a reservation just 15 mins after the original one, but goddammit.
Oh, and then dinner hit me like a brick and I damn near shat myself. Spicy ramen. Full urgle gurgles. Three different times on the drive home, I had to consciously just pinch back with everything I had. A few small gas bubbles slip out, but just gas. We pull up…and I have to walk slowly, clenched, to the house. Immediately hit the guest bathroom….and desecrated it. Sour, putrid, just like my day.

A shit so bad you forgot how to type. Slight brain damage maybe? PTSD? Been there.

Edited June 6 by 'stache

[Brisketexan 103654]

Goddammit.  I have the bubble guts again, round 2 over the last week.  Wake up ripping ass, safely.  Then...a shift.  The speed with which one can go from "one in the magazine" to "one in the chamber" is incredible.  Like, faster-than-light travel is possible within my colon.  One second you're gassy but safe.  A millisecond later, you best pinch back, because there's a giant .50 cal round behind a hair trigger, ready to go off.

Four rounds thus far today.  Four.  FML.

[nnm 35670]

[Armybrat 40559]

[SurlyGator 833]

Maybe I've been on Surly too much this weekend.  As soon as I saw this thread bumped I assumed it would be a joke about DT making a contribution yesterday.  Time for a break.

[Sandman 3399]

At the office yesterday and at about 3:30 or so, I'm feeling the urge. Not a liquid attack, just that I was gonna have to shit soon. I thought "I can make it till I get home". 4:15 comes around and those thoughts were dashed. I had to speed-waddle to the bathroom and unleash a leviathan. I realized at that moment that, if I had rolled the dice on waiting till I got home, I would've shit my pants in the car. Other than times of severe illness, this is the closest I've been to having that happen. 

[Gil Bang 25687]

Bad news: my swim trunks

Good news: I was already out of the pool, and in my own backyard.

[nnm 35670]

1 hour ago, Gil Bang said:

Bad news: my swim trunks

Good news: I was already out of the pool, and in my own backyard.

Obligatory

[lateshow 1303]

Are we still waffle stomping? 

[Captain Obvious 501]

Which member of Surly was this?

https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/29/travel/united-airlines-biohazard-diversion/index.html

[Gil Bang 25687]

22 hours ago, nnm said:

Obligatory

There's something to be said for being able to grab the nearest garden hose to blast your asshole.

[686 3381]

my 11-year-old seems to have been listening to an interesting Taylor Swift album:

[Prepuce of Doom 20906]

Shart-n-Smut

[TheStoicPaisano 9842]

Ate something weird last night and went “straight fucking water” about four times before work. #8 on the way home was a miss, to say the least.