Family and Friends Best Funny Wartime Stories

[CHIEF 5,087]

My maternal grandfather was a WWII vet, and told me a few when he was still alive. Of course, as a kid and an aviation fan, I asked him if he ever got to ride in any cool planes. So this is one of the stories he told me:

He and another staff sergeant were privileged to get to drink in the Officer's Club. One night, a couple of Mustang pilots told him they were going to go blow up a bridge, in France, pre D-Day. The Allies had pretty much beaten the Luftwaffe back into Germany, and that their Mustangs had a small "perch" behind the pilot where you could take another person. They asked them if they would like to go for a ride and watch the bombing. Everything went as planned, until after the bombing run. As they climbed back to altitude, a flight of four German fighters were waiting on them. He was able to remain strapped to his perch, but his buddy, the other sergeant broke loose and rattled around the back of the plane like a BB in a tin can. It banged him up so bad he spent a week in the infirmary. 

His other favorite story was during the Battle of the Bulge. He was the driver for a Lt. Colonel. He said it was miserably cold, so they had a canvas top on the Jeep. It had suicide doors. The Lt. Colonel cracked the door open to see what was going on, as the windows all had snow all over them. He said they were about 100 feet away from a 155mm Howitzer when it fired a shell. The Lt. Colonel was supposed to pull his head back in, and shut the door. Instead, he pulled the door shut then pulled his head back in. It basically skinned the back of both ears, and he had blood dripping from his ear lobes. My granddad said it was all he could do to keep from bursting into laughter. The Lt. Colonel finally looked at him and said, "Gotdamnit sergeant go ahead and laugh and get it over with, stupidity is some funny fuckin' shit."

One of the best stories is one a buddy told me last night. His Dad was a P-51 ace from WWII. He was a full bird Colonel at 24, and had guys younger than him in his fighter group. They were flying out of North Africa, and bombing Italy. One of his pilots had a pet monkey that he took with him everywhere. He kept badgering the Colonel to let him take the monkey on a mission. The Colonel finally relented, told him he didn't give a shit. So they take off and start to climb out. At about 2000 feet the pilot with the monkey slows down to just about stall speed, the canopy slides back, and the monkey is thrown out. The canopy slides back closed. My buddy's dad pulls up beside him and you couldn't even see the pilot, as the entire canopy is covered in green monkey shit. He made the pilot clean it instead of the crew chief when they got back. He said they never could get the smell outta the plane, and the guy got called "shit show" the rest of the war.

CHIEF