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luke duke

By luke duke
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luke duke
luke duke

I guess this model is to be avoided.

Not a cat
Not a cat

Johnny Appleseed for the win! I'm staying at a bed and breakfast place in Costa Rica where, apparently, it is customary to not flush your paper due to septic concerns but instead put the shit sta

Felix
Felix

I used to warn visitors about the bidet, but it turns out it's funnier if you just let them come out of the bathroom with a big wet spot on their shirt and a sheepish look on their face.

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CHIEF

CHIEF 5,075

Posted
Posted
On 5/11/2018 at 10:51 AM, CHIEF said:

Well you fuckers convinced me, I bought two of the Bio Bidet A3s. I'm not putting one on the guest, party bathroom, some drunk chick would fuck it up, I'm sure. There hasn't been this much excitement in the CHIEF household in weeks.

 

CHIEF

Good God, best $$$$ I've spent in a while. Anything after about two clicks and you would be spitting water, an ascending power wash.

 

CHIEF

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JSB

JSB 677

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Posted

Said it before, and I'll say it again, I bought mine a few years ago because of this thread, and will never ever not have one in my house again.  I've shifted my entire shit schedule around to maximize the number of shits I am able to take at home vs. the office

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  • 2 weeks later...
LongestHorn

LongestHorn 759

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Posted

$35 birthday gift for my older brother.  He thought it was a gag gift.  It sat for a few weeks until his lovely bride installed it.  His skeptical sweaty Virginia ass approves.

https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-120-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RHSJO/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_60_bs_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=TBZS3KHZSPXM4V3HQ2JZ

 

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21,052

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

http://biobidet.com/products/tp200-travel-bidet

I know what I am buying me for Father's Day!e7fdbcadf7326a45c500c3d41886c394.jpg

This item appears to come equipped with some kind of wrist strap. 

Is that so you don't drop it into a turd-filled toilet, or do they expect you to carry it around like a small camera or umbrella? 

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Stoogey

Stoogey 219

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 3/26/2018 at 9:43 AM, Catpfish said:

Kohler Bidet

Import a Japanese toilet. All of those features built in plus there is a basin to wash your hands in the stream of clean water before it enters the tank after flushing. And choice of white noise. 

I was on a bus heading from the Kohler golf course in Wisconsin to ORD. Someone asked the driver to make a pit stop. Exit the highway to a McDonald's. 

Guy gets back on the bus all excited. "Guys! Guys! Guess what kind of toilets they have in there!"

Edited by Stoogey
Forgot about the white noise feature.
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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Stoogey said:

Import a Japanese toilet. All of those features built in plus there is a basin to wash your hands in the stream of clean water before it enters the tank after flushing. And choice of white noise. 

I was on a bus heading from the Kohler golf course in Wisconsin to ORD. Someone asked the driver to make a pit stop. Exit the highway to a McDonald's. 

Guy gets back on the bus all excited. "Guys! Guys! Guess what kind of toilets they have in there!"

Well, don’t leave us hanging. What kind of toilets did they have?

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Txslnghrns

Txslnghrns 1,352

Posted
Posted

Bump.

Mentioned this thread months ago to my wife. Unbeknownst to me she ordered one last week. Just installed today. Don’t know why I walked this earth for 42 years before using one. Oh man. The bidet is worth the price of admission. The initial pulsation of the water jet is a shock to say the least. But(t) what is impressive is the pinpoint accuracy of the unit. Direct shot to the shriveled jerky hole. Did a few confirmation wipes and it was amazing to know that my chili ring was no longer sullied.

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Txslnghrns said:

Bump.

Mentioned this thread months ago to my wife. Unbeknownst to me she ordered one last week. Just installed today. Don’t know why I walked this earth for 42 years before using one. Oh man. The bidet is worth the price of admission. The initial pulsation of the water jet is a shock to say the least. But(t) what is impressive is the pinpoint accuracy of the unit. Direct shot to the shriveled jerky hole. Did a few confirmation wipes and it was amazing to know that my chili ring was no longer sullied.

The guy that designs the bidet nozzle assembly is the same guy that designs the carnival attraction where you shoot the stream of water into the clownhead mouth and it fills up the balloon.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8,817

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Txslnghrns said:

Bump.

Mentioned this thread months ago to my wife. Unbeknownst to me she ordered one last week. Just installed today. Don’t know why I walked this earth for 42 years before using one. Oh man. The bidet is worth the price of admission. The initial pulsation of the water jet is a shock to say the least. But(t) what is impressive is the pinpoint accuracy of the unit. Direct shot to the shriveled jerky hole. Did a few confirmation wipes and it was amazing to know that my chili ring was no longer sullied.

pro tip: If you think you pooped a hard turd that might've torn some bunghole walls...ease up on the pressure because it stings like a mofo.

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4th&Five

4th&Five 41,506

Posted
Posted
On 6/8/2018 at 12:54 AM, LongestHorn said:

$35 birthday gift for my older brother.  He thought it was a gag gift.  It sat for a few weeks until his lovely bride installed it.  His skeptical sweaty Virginia ass approves.

https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-120-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RHSJO/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_60_bs_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=TBZS3KHZSPXM4V3HQ2JZ

 

Installed this one today. Can’t wait to shit so I can try it out. 

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Jhawk

Jhawk 1,075

Posted
Posted (edited)

Not bidets, but a related topic...

What is the word on the squatty potty?  Was in Florida for a wedding and the house I was at had one.  While it was a pain to use (had to take a leg out of my pants), i got about 3 gallons of diarrhea out in one push. Felt like I had to clinch to keep my esophagus from falling out my asshole.  Friend told me he could take a 2 foot long, unbroken, shit with that thing.  I'm not sold but I'm not not sold.

Anyone use those?  They are clearly built for speed and I consider myself a speed shitter, but I don't know if I should buy one or not.

Edited by Jhawk
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luke duke

luke duke 6,412

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Posted
Not bidets, but a related topic...
What is the word on the squatty potty?  Was in Florida for a wedding and the house I was at had one.  While it was a pain to use (had to take a leg out of my pants), i got about 3 gallons of diarrhea out in one push. Felt like I had to clinch to keep my esophagus from falling out my asshole.  Friend told me he could take a 2 foot long, unbroken, shit with that thing.  I'm not sold but I'm not not sold.
Anyone use those?  They are clearly built for speed and I consider myself a speed shitter, but I don't know if I should buy one or not.



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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21,052

Posted
Posted (edited)

According to Luke Dook's scale and my own professional opinion (I've read Infinite Jest solely on the toilet - come at me, bro...) I have achieved a PhD in shittery.  I let my wife take the Squatty Potty for her bathroom and now she's got her PhD too. 

Like most professionals practicing in applied contexts, I find there to be little real-world difference between a Master's and a PhD. I didn't hate the Squatty Potty, but I didn't really think it helped all that much (if at all) , and it certainly isn't the gamechanger that the Joy Bidet is. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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PhillyD

PhillyD 1,257

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Rimbo said:

we have one of the lovely high end Japanese $700 jobs

best $700 ever spent

What does it do that is worth $700?  I'd think for that price it comes with a lifelike tongue to clean your rim.  The $25 or so I spent does all I need.

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Rimbo

Rimbo 25,908

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Posted
3 hours ago, PhillyD said:

What does it do that is worth $700?  I'd think for that price it comes with a lifelike tongue to clean your rim.  The $25 or so I spent does all I need.

1. Heated seat

2. Heated water

3. a stream that shoots up your sphincter for getting your shit un-stuck

4. Setting for cleaning a woman's bits

5. massage mode, and adjustable angles

6. pressure oscillation mode, and adjustable pressures

7. Remote control

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GSU&UT

GSU&UT 1,798

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

1. Heated seat

2. Heated water

3. a stream that shoots up your sphincter for getting your shit un-stuck

4. Setting for cleaning a woman's bits

5. massage mode, and adjustable angles

6. pressure oscillation mode, and adjustable pressures

7. Remote control

DeepAliveBunny-size_restricted.gif

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Deej

Deej 76,748

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, markstanco said:
10 hours ago, Deej said:
Finally gave in and decided to give this bidet thing a shot. $22 on Amazon. Low profile so don't need the seat bumpers. Life changing.48155951ed23435d59e5b404575f3c26.jpg

For this price, I just bought one. Been watching this thread for close to 5 years.

Even comes with metal fittings. Great deal.

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Rimbo

Rimbo 25,908

Posted
Posted
15 hours ago, Rimbo said:

1. Heated seat

2. Heated water

3. a stream that shoots up your sphincter for getting your shit un-stuck

4. Setting for cleaning a woman's bits

5. massage mode, and adjustable angles

6. pressure oscillation mode, and adjustable pressures

7. Remote control

Oh, I forgot... it also has a blow dryer. No tissue needed.

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